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Myth of "An Internal Customer"

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Honestly is there an internal customer? The term “Internal Customer” has been so over used that it has become a cliche, losing it’s original meaning. The term Internal Customer was originally used in the field of Management Science (MS). However it was later popularized by Joseph Juran, the management consultant known for his dedication towards quality management in companies, especially factories.

The initial use of the term Internal customers was meant to refer to ‘users’. This user refers to people who will utilize the output of another department or unit. Thus the term internal and external customer was born. External customer refers to customer/consumers outside the company who are users of the product/services of the company and internal customer refers to user of the product/services of another department/unit. The use was purely for technical differentiation.

However the term was later extended to reflect management styles, teamwork, interdepartmental communication etc. The extension went beyond technical relationships between departments and individuals in the company (known as the hard areas) to include the soft areas of attitude, experience, teamwork etc. This is when you will find bosses promoting teamwork by asking the employees to view and treat another department like their own customer. What seem shocking is that even trainers and consultant preach this gospel when they themselves cannot treat their own receptionist or account’s clerk like a customer.

The thing is that first we need to be truly honest with ourselves and answer this question: “Can I see and treat the accounts department or the purchasing, marketing, IT, technical support; as our own customer?” And that means you work to give the other department your best, take all of their nonsense and pacify yourself by saying with a smile: “Oh well… they are after all my customers.”

The problem lies with the word – Customer. The very word suggests to our mind that it is business transaction, money and that there is a direct monetary benefit that will come out of this transaction. These things are not that apparent when we deal with another department (at least not as direct as with real customers). So why are we swimming against the current to beat the hell out of our team to get them to except the other colleagues as customers. Let’s face the fact… it is not going to happen. The other department may be your internal customer from Juran’s standpoint of management science. But they are definitely not customers from the standpoint of our interaction and operation on a daily basis. Internal Customer is a Myth.

The answer is Partner. Instead of beating on the workforce to accept the idea of internal customer (which the brain tickles itself every time you hear it); why don’t use a term that our psychology and conscience would accept. Partner is a much more acceptable term.

In sales and customer service, we talk about maturing the seller-buyer relationship. This maturing process consumer-to-partner starts from a Consumer to a Customer to a Client and then a Partner. When a person buys something from us through a third party or a middleman, they are consumers to us. When they buy it from us, they become our customer. A client refers to a relationship where the seller acts as an advisor. This could be when the product or service requires guidance or follow up. Such examples would be like an attorney, wellness centres, fitness instructor and to some extent even real estate agents. The third stage is called the Partner. This is when the buyer and seller have formed a powerful bond that is glued by trust, transparency, mutual respect and an interest in each other’s success. We are talking about a powerful relationship that is productive to both.

The situation with a work team is that by default they are in a situation of partners. The systems, processes and daily activities are all centred around a partnership-like relationship rather than a customer relationship. So why would we want to ‘de-mature’ (if that term makes us understand) that relationship to a customer-vendor relationship. Taking a customer situation, you would probably call one of your customer Mr Goldwin or Ms Johnson in the earlier meetings. But in a partnership relationship, you would conveniently refer to them with their first name. Wouldn’t it look weird for a person who calls someone Tim all the while to one day call him Mr Goldwin?

While I am not saying that you will call your colleagues by their surname in an internal customer situation; the weirdness of treating a colleague as a ‘customer’ is as absurd as that. So the better alternative would be to motivate the team to accept one another as partners. This can be done by building the trust in the team, practicing a sense of openness at the leadership level, making everyone in the team feel special for their contribution and showing how their personal successes depend on the team’s successes. Team members are not internal customers but Partners. Lets be honest with ourselves.

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Source by Jegatheeswaran Manoharan

Views: 0

January 15, 2020
Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

Areas of conflict:

o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

o Physical and emotional abuse.

o Self-centeredness.

o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

o Infidelity.

The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

“Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

There are two options available.

1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

Negative Approach:

– One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

– Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

Positive Approach:

1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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Source by Eva Bell

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
8 Tips to Help You Make an Online Dating Site Work for You

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Today, online dating websites use artificial intelligence to help you get in contact with the right person. If you are looking for an effective way of making your favorite dating sites work for you, our expert tips may help you. On these platforms, you can get advice on relationships and dating. Plus, you will get a lot of relevant quizzes.

Since these platforms attract millions of visitors on a regular basis, experts say that you have to use the right approach to make the platform work for you. Let’s read some tips.

Set your Priorities

First of all, you need to set your priorities, which means you need to set criteria for things you are looking for in your desired partner. Therefore, what you need to do is do your homework before you start your search. Also, this will help you create a short list of potential candidates.

Consider your Interests

You may want to choose a site that can match your interests. Your next move is to opt for a platform that you think can help you get the person you are in search of. On big platforms, your chances of finding the right person will be higher.

Have a Live Chat

Although it’s nice to chat with your partner online, it can’t be an alternative to a face-to-face conversation. If you are just getting started, meeting in person may not be possible. So, it’s a good idea to have a live video chat. This will help you find out if you can take it to the next level.

Be Realistic

Although you may find exactly the person you are looking for, make sure you are realistic. In other words, your expectations should be realistic.

Personality Tests

It’s interesting to run some personality tests, but don’t think that they are perfect. The matching bot of the dating site can’t beat personal experience. So, what you need to do is have an open mind about the person who the algorithm think is not good for you. That guy or girl may be an excellent prospect.

Beware of Dishonest People

While communicating with a prospective date on a dating website, make sure you trust your gut instincts. You can use many ways to find out if they are lying to you. Make sure you do all you can to be conservative and protect yourself.

Safeguard your Self-Esteem

If you don’t find your desired person even after several days, don’t lose heart. Even after trying your level best, if you fail to achieve success, we suggest that you sit with a close friend for suggestions. This will help you avoid mistakes that you might have made during the process.

Create a Catchy Profile

Make sure you prepare your profile carefully. Ideally, your profile should be a clear description of who you are. This will help others find you more easily. If your profile is poorly made, you may have to face disappointments.

In short, these are some techniques that can help you make an online dating site work for you.

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Source by Shalini M

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
Pranic Psychotherapy Release From Addictions or Compulsive Behaviour

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I start by defining ‘ MCKS pranic psychotherapy’. It is a method which is based on pranic healing techniques of scanning, cleansing, energizing, shielding, and releasing. These techniques are based on the principles of transmissibility of energy from practitioner to client, on receptivity of client to receiving the healing prana, and on the shielding of the chakras and aura from penetration by negative thought entities and elementals.

Elementals are energy beings which are composed of thought entities that feed on intense emotions of anger, fear, grief, or hatred. A thought entity is an idea which has attached to it a strong emotion which gives it substance in the energy field. This entity resides in the aura, in the mental field, and can penetrate through chakras when the webs are cracked, torn, or damaged. These webs can be repaired and sealed with gold pranic light energy which the practitioner intends and transmits through their hand chakra or crystal wand.

The power of intention moving energy is at the core of the basis for pranic healing being effective.

Crystal wands are used by the practitioner of pranic psychotherapy to accelerate the intensity of energy which can be transmitted to the client and reduces considerably the absorption of negative energies involved in the healing process which may be attracted to stick to the hands and arms of the practitioner which is manipulating the energy during the healing process. This absorption of negative energy on the arms and hands of the pranic practitioner is greater when a crystal is not used. This requires the practitioner’s use of an alcohol spray with certain essential oils to dissipate any negative energies which may be adhered to the hands and arms while cleansing.

Depression, anxiety, and addictions can be consequences of suffering trauma or injury whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. These injuring consequences leave wounds upon the recipient and are often accompanied by recurring thoughts, emotions, and when severe, hallucinations, which inflict suffering and despair. These consequences can also be paralyzing and prevent the client from taking action to be gainfully employed, to maximize one’s life potential, and to be socially active and productive financially, and to be successfully engaged in relationships at all levels.

The grace of pranic psychotherapy is in its ability to remove these negative energies which accompany trauma, injury, or accidents. The psychic shielding is also a necessary feature of this treatment to ensure that these negative energies don’t return to inflict emotional and mental pain. There is often the need for subsequent repeat treatments to fully and completely remove all negative energies and elementals which are causing the recurring thoughts, emotions, and patterns.

The sealing, repairing, and strengthening of the chakral webs further ensures the healing of the etheric body and preventing elementals and negative thought entities penetrating the chakras and affecting the emotional and mental body of the client.

Master Choa Kok Sui has created this protocol which is administered through certified associate pranic healers, like myself, who have been trained in pranic psythotherapy and have documented successes with treating clients with the above mentioned wounds.

So far I’ve only mentioned how pranic psychotherapy can be useful to treat injuries from trauma resulting in anxiety, depression, and/or motivational paralysis.

Another important treatment feature of this pranic psychotherapy technique is to treat individuals suffering from addictive tendencies and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

The same principles apply wherein the negative thought and emotional entities are creating audio and/or video tapes of incidents of trauma or woundedness which are repeated and which induce a continuous pattern of destructive repeated behaviours which become addictions or obsessive compulsive patterns of behaviour.

Pranic Psychotherapy can be useful treatment technique for addiction to smoking, alcohol or drugs, and other repetitive negative behaviours which are destructive, self-harming, or self-limiting.

These treatments have been successful in reducing and eliminating panic attacks which clients have experienced in social contexts. The triggers which bring on these panic attacks have been identified and the removal of the anxiety energies around the aura and chakras has prevented triggering of panic attacks in future situations.

The shielding of the chakras and aura are also a necessary ingredient of this healing technique to protect the client from persistent and recurring thoughts and emotions which are symptomatic.

The element of openness and receptivity must be mentioned as being an essential aspect of the healing process. The presence of these elements is necessary to obtain a successful outcome.

There are also other reasons why people don’t heal. Carolyn Myss makes mention in her book: “Why People Don’t Heal”. In her book she makes mention of the karmic reason for people not healing from a particular wound. In summary the reasons may be that this person has lessons to learn in this incarnation and that this soul needs to go through this trial or tribulation to learn a particular lesson. Past life negative karma catches up with us, if not resolved, and requires it being worked out, perhaps in this incarnation. That’s why inner reflection and firm resolutions are necessary to heal whatever remains of past life karmas which have been destructive to self or others.

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Source by Roger Fontaine

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
Thinking of Divorcing Your Spouse? Save Your Marriage Today

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There are questions you need to ask yourself when you notice an initial problem in your marriage. Are you unhappy in your marriage and if so, why? Is your spouse happy? Do you experience pain or joy in your marriage? Why are you not happy now after you got married? Why did the happiness before marriage succeeding disappear?

A lot of marriages were resolved after a series of questions the couples ask themselves. This is the time to think, discuss with your spouse solutions to problems in your relationship. The couples should realize that honesty plays a very important role in this regard.

The couples should know that marriage is an institution. It is designed by God to help and support each other through sadness and happiness. Normally, there will definitely be some misunderstanding among the couples which may give rise to conflicts, but both of you should be determined that the marriage must work. With this determination, the Devil will find it difficult to penetrate into your marital affairs.

When you notice that your marriage is about to hit the rock, you should start thinking of saving the marriage because it is quite difficult, frustrating and boring to live alone. The best thing is to save your marriage from total collapse.

The first thing for the couple is to talk to each other and try to understand the problem when seeking solutions. This method, however, should work because if you were able to develop a love for each other then you should be able to resolve any marital issues on your own without involving any third party

However, if this method fails the next option is to seek out an advice from friends, family or religious leaders. But the couple should critically examine this advice whether it is appropriate or not as wrong advice can destroy the relationships.

The third option is to go for counseling which is always very effective in solving marital problems especially if the advice is from a professional counselor. They should, however, be truthful, and openly discuss their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. In addition, attending marriage seminars can also help.

The fourth advice is for the couple to agree for temporary separation. This method has helped so many couples around the world to solve their marriage problems which will enable them to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. Temporary separation is reversible and its main purpose is to develop the skills of resolving problems which will improve the relationship.

Anyone of the above advice will surely help in saving your marriage from total collapse.

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Source by Dr Olusola A Coker Ed.D

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
Beginner’s Guide To Digital Marketing

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This is a short and sweet guide to the various types of digital marketing that exist today. You can use any of these ideas in your marketing right now. If you don’t do one of these types of marketing, consider adding it to your strategy.

Content Marketing

In many ways, everything involved with digital marketing focuses on content marketing. This involves creating content that engages, informs, encourages and converts your audience into buying your products and or services.

Search Engine Marketing

This consists of using both paid and unpaid content marketing to get people to visit your website or landing pages. You can use search terms within the content, as well as create ads with search terms for paid marketing that focuses on search terms.

Social Media Marketing

This involves using your social media platforms to promote content to your audience by asking people to share, by sharing great content, and by promoting via ads the content you’re trying to share.

Search Engine Optimization

SEO involves using the information provided by the search engines to optimize every page on your website, on your social media platforms, and on email platforms, in such a way that the search engines find you and send your information to their audience.

Email Marketing

Really a part of content marketing, building an email list is a great way to market to your audience in a captive way. You get them on your list, then you can market to them more directly and personally the items you want them to buy and use.

Affiliate Marketing

This is a great way to get more backlinks to your online real estate. An affiliate will share your information to make sales and a commission from those sales. Create an amazing program with graphics and content, make it cut-and-paste easy for affiliates to promote you, and it will be successful.

Relationship Marketing

Today, building online communities is very important to help you build relationships with your audience in the digital age. The days of hiding behind your computer are over. You’ll need to have live events, webinars, and lots of discussions with your community to engage with them.

Pay Per Click

Most online businesses today need to pay for some marketing. The best type is PPC (pay per click). This means you only pay when someone clicks your information. That way, you have more of a chance to get them to your landing pages, content, and products. You can remarket to them once they come to your website too.

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Source by Jon Allo

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
Book Summary – The Master-Key to Riches – Written by Napoleon Hill

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This book in a nutshell is a must read for anybody wanted to improve their lives. Regardless of what area you want to improve, Napoleon Hill shows the Master-Key works. Napoleon Hill died in 1970 at 87 years old. Thus the research he did was way ahead of his time. He profiled Andrew Carnegie who created U.S. Steel and mentored Charles Schwab. Andrew Carnegie commissioned Napoleon Hill to profile successful people to see if there was a pattern. This book along with Think and Grow Rich is a combination of that research.

Why is this important to me?

If I was spending my precious time listening to this video then the first question I would ask is – Why is this important to me?

This is important because Mr. Hill explains the 12 riches of life and how to achieve them. Are you where you want to be or do you need help defining true happiness? The study of the 12 riches and the Master-Key defined in this book will give you the blueprint for happiness.

The 12 Riches of Life are: 1. Positive Mental Attitude, 2. Sound Physical Health, 3. Harmony in Human Relationships, 4. Freedom from Fears, 5. The Hope of Achievements, 6. The Capacity of Faith, 7. Willingness to Share One’s Blessings, 8. A labor of Loves, 9. An Open Mind on All Subjects, 10, Self-discipline, 11. The capacity to Understand People, 12. Economic Security.

All 12 riches are important but for the sake of time we will dig into three of them in this summary.

1. Positive Mental Attitude – Mental attitude is important because it converts the brain into the equivalent of an electro-magnet which attracts the counterpart of one’s dominating thoughts, aims and purposes. It also attracts the counterpart of one’s fears, worries and doubts. This basically means that you will manifest in your life that which you focus on regardless if it is positive or negative.

2. Sound Physical Health – This one is self-evident and should be number one. In my humble opinion, without health, you cannot create anything. Health is the ultimate gift because with it, everything else is possible. This can easily be taken for granted but once it is taken from you then life changes instantly. This needs to be a priority for everybody.

3. The Capacity to Understand People: The person who truly understands people knows that we all come from the same core. The nine emotions common, according to the book are: love, sex, desire of material gain, self-preservation, freedom from body and mind, self-expression, desire for perpetuation of life and death, anger and fear. The capacity to understand others eliminates many of the common causes of friction among men.

The Master-Key is a combination of 17 principles when used in combination will allow you to achieve the 12 Riches of Life.

The Master-Key consists of:

1) Habit of going the extra mile

2) Definiteness of Purpose

3) The Master mind

4) Applied Faith

5) Pleasing Personality

6) Habit of learning from defeat

7) Creative Vision

8) Personal Initiative

9) Accurate Thinking

10) Self-Discipline

11) Concentration of Endeavor

12) Co-operation

13) Enthusiasm

14) The Habit of Health

15) Budgeting Time and Money

16) Golden Rule Applied 17) Cosmic habit force.

For the sake of time we will profile three of the seventeen.

1. Definiteness of Purpose – Highly successful people have a defined purpose. Mother Teresa dedicated her life in helping the poor of Calcutta and through her definite purpose became world renowned and helped millions of people.

2. The Master Mind – is a group of people that have expertise that can be leveraged toward your defined purpose. Leveraging the combined OPE (Other People’s expertise) gives a compound effect to the desired result.

3. Habit going the Extra Mile – I like this one because the 12 Riches of Life can NOT be attained without hard, smart and right work. You have to do the thing to have the power!!!! Notice this is the HABIT of going the extra mile. Ingrain this in your mind and you will not be disappointed with the results.

I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit.

Habits form in as little as 21 days. I highly recommend you read this book and put the principles in place. To take one thing away from the summary and make it habit will be the “Habit of Going the Extra Mile”. Put this front and center and it will help you in everything you do.

According to Mr. Hill, Going the extra mile by doing more than one is paid for – “It is the strange influence which it has on the person who does it. The greatest benefit from this habit does not come to those to whom the service is rendered. It comes to the one who renders the service, in the form of a changed “mental attitude,” which gives him more influence with other people, more self-reliance, greater initiative, more enthusiasm, more vision and definiteness of purpose. Do the thing and you shall have the power!!!!

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Source by Joe Mosed

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
True Love Needs to Be Tested Before it Can Claim to Be True Love

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Showing True Love:

Love is not a mere emotion. Instead, true love requires an action that can demonstrate that love. Affection is an emotion that is only one ingredient of love, but emotions fly back and forth with situations and hormones.

I recently watched a movie where a guy was broken up from his girlfriend and came into his apartment to find a supermodel taking a shower in his bathroom. His physical cravings ragged with desire for physical pleasure and the temptation was strong because his girlfriend had already broke things off with him anyway. He truly loved his ex-girlfriend and fled from the sexual temptation he was experiencing and immediately called his ex-girlfriend on the phone in order to refocus his attention back toward faithfulness. One of his first statements to her on the phone was, “I didn’t realize how much I love you until just a couple minutes ago.”

It Takes Follow Through:

After the phone call was over the supermodel continued to seduce the guy, but because of his situation he was unable to leave. Her continuous physical advances only intensified for several scenes until eventually he was able to change the situation. In most movies the guy eventually gives in and falls to the temptations that pursue him. In the end he apologizes and is accepted again by the one he claims to have real love for.

I am infuriated by the lie that is spread through scenes where someone gives in to sexual temptation and then claims to have true love. The reality is that the one who forgave the sinner and accepted the sinner back is the one who is demonstrating true love.

I was very excited to find a scene that emphasized true love through a demonstration of faithfulness. The most powerful part of his faithfulness is expressed in the fact that the one he truly loved was not showing love back to him.

True love does not happen at first sight. Love does not become true until it is tested and only then does the heat impart into that love strength like tempered steel.

What is Testing?

There is a very important message to learn here that I hope you pay close attention to. The test of true love is NOT a test to see whether or not your love for someone is true. The test is a step of the process that takes mere affection and makes the love become true.

Many people will experience affection and then later lose the emotions and say, “oh well, I guess I was wrong and the love wasn’t true like I thought it was.” Then they give up and move on to the next “true love” and eventually fail again and keep trying on new relationships for size. With this strategy you will never find true love because true love is only found on the other side of faithful follow-through.

If your heart desires true love then you must wait until the affection of your first relationship is gone and then force yourself to remain faithful even if it takes your whole life. Then your love will eventually be tempered into true love that will fill you with satisfaction that is millions of times more awesome than all the other weak loves put together.

Trust me, It’s worth it!

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Source by David Josh Burns

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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Source by David Pino

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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Source by Shuford Davis

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January 11, 2020