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Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Effects Of The Procrastination Habit

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Procrastination is often portrayed as a habit that takes place when somebody doesn’t want to do something or doesn’t feel the need to do it today. Many times, friends and family make small side jokes about how a person puts this task off or waits until the last second to do another task.

For many, however, the habit of procrastination can reach such chronic levels that it can have negative effects on their life. These effects range from financial difficulties, to broken relationships and even health problems. To those with the habit of procrastination at this level, it is no joke.

Procrastination And Finances

A person who procrastinates paying their bills will often wind up paying reconnection and overdue fees on service utilities. Many times these services get disconnected and because of the cost of upfront payments and other fees, they may or may not get turned back on again.

In addition, once a person gets into this habit their credit will suddenly begin to spiral downward causing them difficulty in future and potentially needed purchases. With no credit it’s very difficult to purchase a home, a car or even obtain so much as a cell phone.

Those are just the necessities. Once a person’s finances are curtailed because of procrastination it also has affects on their families. Luxury items and vacations become non-existent, and I’ve even read stories where the habit of procrastination has hit so hard that it becomes difficult to purchase food for the family.

Procrastination And Health

Procrastination can also have serious health implications for those that are in the habit of procrastinating seriously. The largest, and most common, health risk is that of depression. In fact, procrastination and depression are very closely linked.

The second most common health risk that procrastination presents is that of stress. Stress from not achieving, stress from financial burden and stress in relationships are many times a direct result of procrastination.

If procrastination isn’t taken seriously the effects such as stress and depression can reach levels that require immediate and intensive professional care. Without such care the effects of the habit of procrastination can have long term health consequences.

The good news is that with a plan of action, time and persistence anybody can overcome the habit of procrastination. Once a person realizes that the habit of procrastination is having negative effects on their life, all they have to do is commit to change and follow through with their plan of action.

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Source by Matt Ryan

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February 3, 2020
How Drug Detox Can Help Improve Relationships
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Alcohol and drug abuse is the root cause of many problems in an individual’s life. From developing severe mental health issues and physical troubles to encountering serious challenges in one’s relationships, abuse of illegal substances is linked with innumerable adverse effects.

It is a widely known fact that long-term, committed relationships and substance abuse do not go together. Having a partner who is engaged in drinking or abusing drugs can be an insurmountable challenge, with the negative effects rippling and influencing all the near and dear ones. In worst cases, substance abuse problem can take a heavy toll by causing an emotional distance between the partners, which eventually results in frequent fights and violence at home.

Sadly, a person fighting substance abuse is deprived of the emotional connect with his or her partner resulting in the loss of trust and affection. Overall, such couples have a tough time dealing with this downward spiral, wherein a person drinks or uses drugs to reduce tension arising out of frequent conflicts, and vice versa.

Substance abuse and impact on relationships

A person abusing drugs is very likely to have a poor sex drive and may fail to maintain a healthy sexual relationship. This is because when someone is addicted to any substance, there is no room left for anything else. Some of the telltale signs that the substance abuse problem is negatively affecting one’s relationships are:
- Not taking care of responsibilities or staying out late.
- Rising instances of domestic violence.
- Isolating from friends and relatives to hide the drug or alcohol problem.
- Experiencing financial problems.
When it comes to intimate relationships, believing that one can prevent problems by avoiding sexual relationships post sobriety is incorrect. A complete recovery is possible only when a person gets enough love and care from his or her partner. Since intimate relationships are considered one of the most rewarding parts of human existence, a lack of it can leave people feeling unwanted and incomplete.

For a person recovering from an addiction, lack of sexual relationships might lead him or her to revisit the places that had triggered drug or alcohol abuse.

How detox can be helpful in restoring relationships

When a person fighting substance abuse enters a detox program, he or she needs to work harder to recover from the addiction and regain his or her ability to enjoy fruitful relationships with the loved ones. While undergoing treatment, it is important for a person to not just focus on maintaining sobriety but also reshape his or her habits and old attitudes that could act as a barrier to his or her interpersonal or intimate relationships.

While detoxification might pave the way for a person’s recover from an addiction, it is important to ensure that it also brings back his or her sexual drive. With low self-esteem and confidence, it becomes difficult for the recovering individual to even think about any personal relationship. Undergoing a detox program can be a great help in gaining enough confidence to deal with relationship problems.

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Source by Barbara Odozi

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February 2, 2020
My Wife Treats Me Like Dirt – The Truth About the Husband You Must Be to Get Respect From a Wife!

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If you’re saying my wife treats me like dirt, then you’re probably thinking that it’s going to be nearly impossible to get her to worship you.

However it is possible, though it may take a little bit of work.

But most important is that you know what makes a wife worship her husband in the first place.

How to Be Able to Stop Saying My Wife Treats Me Like Dirt…

Okay, so most husbands who get into this situation get it totally wrong. They actually become exactly the opposite of who they have to be for their wives to respect them.

It’s probably the most common mistake that husbands make.

There’s a few reasons why this happens, and to understand HOW to stop it from happening…to understand how to make your wife stop treating you like dirt, you have to understand WHY it’s happening.

First…You’ve Lost Site of the Relationship FACT The fact is that your marriage is simply just another relationship. All relationships have certain dynamics that are inherent. We sometimes try to get past this, because we try to romanticize our marriages.

That only works in the beginning, in the honeymoon stages.

The fact is that in EVERY relationship there is always a dominant party, who has the upperhand. When I say dominant, I don’t mean that you have to be dominant in a harsh way. Of course you MUST NEVER be physically abusive in anyway. In a marriage, there are ways (traits that YOU must maintain) that keeps you having the upperhand.

You having the upperhand actually means a much happier marriage in the long run. That’s because you become the husband that your wife truly wants.

Second…Your Wife Doesn’t Know What She Wants in a Husband This one is a bit tricky. You see, your wife instinctively, down to her DNA wants you to be a certain type of husband. However society has made her think that she wants another type of man.

Basically she really instinctively to her core – as far back as her cave woman ancestors -wants you to be an ALPHA MALE. A true leader. However society has made her consciously think she wants you to be a submissive sissy of a husband. But we know through addictions and habits that instinct and biological forces always prevail.

Third…You’ve Become the Wuss to Make Life Easier So here’s the deal. You’ve lost your alpha male status (if you ever had it, most men don’t) simply because it was easier. It’s easier not to have to pass all of the tests that your wife will throw your way to make sure you are the alpha male that she wants down deep inside.

And so you don’t have to argue and here nagging, you submit, and become a sissy of a man to put it bluntly. More scientifically you become a beta male. Or in the pick up artists community (and these guys understand human dynamics probably better than nearly anyone) you become an Average Frustrated Chump.

I understand this completely because frankly, I did the same thing. And the reason is because it’s tons and tons easier.

Fourth…You React in the Wrong Manner to Her Drama This may be the toughest part but when you react to your wife treating you like dirt, you’re likely doing it in the exact opposite way that you should. Most of the time the way a husband reacts to this only makes the problem worse, and actually confirms in your wife’s mind what she already knows…that you’ve got beta qualities, rather than Alpha.

Sadly, this is usually the head factor in you having to say my wife treats me like dirt.

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Source by Jason T. Nelson

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January 31, 2020
Homosexual Dating – Truth and Connection

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Homosexual dating has become much more widespread and accepted in Western culture, allowing both gays and lesbians the chance to reach out to one another beyond that of closed doors. Now there are many ways you can have a rewarding homosexual dating experience, so don’t be afraid to get out there and explore all of the potential relationships you can create at a wonderful same-sex communities.

Homosexuality is a form of love that needs not to be judged or explained, because it is just another example of how when you love someone it doesn’t matter what colour their skin is, how old they are, or even what sex they are. True love knows no boundaries, has no discriminations and only wishes to be shared with another who returns the same emotions.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this idea of love, and due to this fact, many homosexuals, regardless if they are male or female, are made to feel alienated, which can often lead to feelings of depression or loneliness. There is no reason why you should let these feelings overcome you, or let other opinions of those you care about, such as family members or friends, negatively influence your life when it comes to finding love, relationships, and homosexual dating.

Homosexual dating is about finding someone who feels the same way you do, enjoys spending time with you, treats you with respect and makes you feel like an equal. It is about being apart of a relationship with mutual understanding, which has the potential to forge a strong connection between both you and your partner.

Like any dating experience, there will be certain setbacks and struggles that you may face during homosexual dating. This is only natural, simply because in order for you to connect with someone, it is important that you feel comfortable with them.

As a gay or lesbian, you should not feel that you need to grab any opportunity that comes your way. There is no harm in starting as friends and working slowly into the relationship to discover how much you have in common. As long as you are honest with your feelings, you should have no problem finding a partner.

Homosexual dating is how you can establish an amazing connection with someone who understands you, and loves you for who you are with no questions asked. Even though you will meet some people who are destined to give you a hard time with your sexual preference, all you can do is trust your own judgments, be true to yourself, and give your love and time to those who deserve it.

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Source by Frank Duru

Views: 0

January 30, 2020
Why Men Won’t Marry And Go Their Own Way

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I am fascinated by the number of women who complain that there are not any good men out there for marriage and the number of men who go their own way (MGTOW).

As I was doing research for one of my books, I learned something absolutely astonishing. I learned that both men and woman are more educated in the area of preparation for an occupation that we are to successfully choose and marry a mate for the next forty years. Why is this important? Many people who get into relationships and get married haven’t an accurate idea what they are getting themselves into. They are not educationally equipped with the tools that they need to have a healthy relationship. Even worse, due to the emasculation of men and manhood displayed in media, the court system, films, Human Resource policies, etc., there is no benefit to men for being men.

More now than ever, schools and colleges are feminine-centric. The Judeo-Christian model of marriage where the roles of traditional marriage are not equal is frowned upon by the feminist movement. That said, how can a man see marriage in today’s society as a benefit? Most times he is not fully appreciated for all that he does. He is expected to work his whole life for his family and suddenly his wife decides to leave, causing him to lose all that he has invested in and worked for?

Women are taught that they need to have high standards for the man they are supposed to marry. However, are they emotionally ready for marriage? It is clear that both men and women are not likely to have read a good relationship or communication book to prepare themselves for a healthy relationship. Men often complain how women can sometimes be “drama queens,” are selfish and want to be the center of attention. Some men also report that women are not steeped in bringing much to the table beside the sexual relationship which women tend to use to manipulate men. Men like companionship and women who like to share their time doing the things men like to do. Men love to be respected. They like women they can trust, are considerate but often say that they find these things lacking.

Men who go their own way do not have to bear the risk of being decimated, financially, emotionally and physically. They can live a more peaceful, drama free life. They often will date, but will not marry again. Men want a relationship, but many men and women are unprepared. So how can this dynamic be improved?

I believe that educating ourselves as to what a healthy relationship is supposed to be is critically important. Statistics reveal that the total percentage of college graduates that will not read another book after graduating college is 42%. For High School graduates it is 33%.

Education is essential concerning relationships. Imagine what a difference it would make if 1/3 of our formal education included relationship skills? I submit that the result would be couples better prepared for relationships. That said, reading and practicing what is learned, would improve not only the quality but the longevity of a relationship. Realizing that “being” the right person who is prepared for a relationship versus “finding” the right person could change the dynamic of the lack of available marriage eligible men and women.

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Source by Johnn Williams Jr.

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Why Not Have A Happy Marriage While Avoiding The Crash Of A Divorce?

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It is very important to find both present moment joy and pleasure about happy and successful married life and your future.

Happiness is of the keys to a successful marriage and is the fuel for a significant life, and without it we can not appear to get the life we want.

Ways to find happiness and to have a successful marriage is not always a simple solution, and yet you have to be conscious of it.

You must concentrate on the things that you have in order to find that you both have a happy married life.

Many folks prefer to dwell on the important things that they do not have and even pine over them.

When people can not find happiness in their own life they do not know the best ways to grow and discover into happy married life.

How to possess the keys to a successful marriage means the aspect that you already have actually found happiness in your own life.

In regular times, individuals understand exactly what they are blessed with.

Others, who just merely crave exactly whatever they see and want it severely and obsessively, are never pleased for their worldly belongings can not fill the empty void inside of them.

The best ways to discover happiness in a marriage starts with everybody finding happiness with God.

When mood swings are in the air and lift you up assisting you to forget concerns, God will help you through your state of mind.

Happiness is the normal state of grace for mankind.

Take a look at a little child taking its first steps with a proud smile and you will realize that state of grace I’m speaking of.

The little child does not want anything in return, it is genuinely pleased.

For the next few days hang around looking for your pure instants of joy.

Each instant in your life kept filled with enjoyment will help you to keep happiness and joy in your marriage.

Please count the moments of joy that you have felt. How to find happiness in a marriage is by your mindset.

Being truly happy is everything!

Previously I discussed free available information on saving the marriage today by staying happy in such an often conflicting world.

True happiness is a mindset of observing the excellence of grace within you constantly flowing your way.

We need to understand how to keep from sinking far too low while we journey through this world.

The trick to finding joy in our own lives and of our marital relationship is to get into the habit of searching for advantages, rather of griping all the time about whatever that has failed.

Pleasure offers us a sensation of power and energy.

Delight means being excited about now and about the future.

I always thought that to discover actually JOY in your life that you need to follow these simple fundamental guidelines.

You need to put your inner divine Self first in your life, something Jesus and so many other masters were here to teach us.

Jesus has channeled to us through the Course in Miracles that, “My holy brother, I would enter into all relationships, and step between you and your fantasies. Let my relationship to you be real to you, and let me bring reality to your perception of your brothers.”

Always put others upfront in your life, and have a caring attitude toward the world in general.

That has always been my mantra, so to speak, for a better more fulfilled happy life and a happy married life.

You must focus on the things that you have within you and learn to reflect that abundance and joy to the material world, in order to find happiness in your marital relationship, too.

Be sure to extend your inner bliss.

Remember, when you have no inner bliss being projected to your life in this world, you can not ever realize how to find happiness in a marriage.

How to discover happiness in a marriage stems from the element that you already have discovered joy in your own life.

On the other hand, a once happy married life for some folks turns into to an ugly matter of the divorce.

(Please also note, I suggest seeking out the web for more helpful material on things like, how coping with divorce may need to be addressed, and if so, learning to redirect the mental power of our errors into positive results.)

To success in love and life!

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Source by James Nussbaumer

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
How Did Don Vierra Become the World Renowned Consultant in Health Information System?

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For those in Health Informatics, the name “Vieira” might not sound strange. Immanuel Antonius, professionally known as Don Vieira, is a successful and independent consultant who has reached horizons beyond expectations. The 32-year old Technoprenuer has ticked off projects, which most consultants still consider as a dream.While he was brought up in Namibia, his expertise and skills were never limited to the boundaries. If Namibia is his primary home, his work stations or contracted duty stations have become the secondary residence where he used to spend most of his days.

As far as his academic background is concerned, he holds an Honors’ degree in Computer Science, Advanced diploma in Monitoring and Evaluation, certifications on Health Information Systems (HIS) and A masters’ degree in Biometrics from the University of Paris – Est créteil in France.

Like people dream of being associated with tech giants such as Facebook or Google, he achieved the milestone of serving for similar giants in the health sector. Some of his notable associations are with World Health Organization (WHO), Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), United Nations (UN), United States Agency for International Development (USAID), Clinton Health Access Initiative (CHAI), IntraHealth International, Global Fund, Population Service International (PSI), Jay Snow Inc. and the list goes on.

Apart from his experience in healthcare informatics, language is one of those factors that contributed to his stature elevation. His understanding about seven languages, including English, Spanish, French and Portuguese, has helped him deal with people from different backgrounds.In other words, there has never been any force that stopped him from achieving his goals across the borders.

With Ten (10) years of experience, he has built and supported several national systems such as the e-Health, Malaria, TB, PMTCT, Nutrition, VMMC and HIV- just to mention a few. He also trained more than 20,000 people including government officials, managers, nurses, doctors and technical people to bring significant changes in their methods of elevating the quality of life for the public.

Vieira has developed strong professional relationships with several organisations in Kenya, Uganda, Mocambique, South Africa, Namibia, Angola, Germany, India, DRC, Zambia and the United States.Most of them used to admire his determination and skills for giving the best in every area.

If he is assigned to a work, there is no force that can stop him from transforming a novice into an expert. Below are three of some of the notable milestones that gave a kick start to his career:

1. A Discrete Choice Experiment for pharmacists- he worked with Dr. Peter Rockers, an assistant professor in the Department of Global Health at the Boston University School of Public Health, to bring visible changes in the health informatics. At the time of experiment, Dr. Peter Rockers was at Harvard Medical School.

2. Vieira wore the big shoe when he took over the position of HIS Technical Advisor from Jim Sitzer, who went to become the Director in Public Health for the Umatilla County Health Department, Oregon in the US.

3. During Vieira’s venture as a Technical Advisor for JSI, he developed a web-based master facility (MFL) for Namibia. It consists of a map indicating the location of all public health facilities in the country.The list aims to assist public locate services provided by the nearest health facilities, on the other hand, it also aims to guide the ministry of health in planning and equity in resource allocation and distribution. The MFL was built based on WHO guidelines

Due to internet connectivity issues in most rural áreas, the Health Extension Workers were forced to use paper registers to collect patients’ information. This led to poor data quality since paper would torn or get lost. With an urge to find an appropriate solution, he created a mobile app that has the capability to store data without internet connectivity.

Over the past few years, Vieira has won few accolades and gained international recognition for his consultancy expertise.His efforts have also managed to attract new audiences including influential decision makers from government authorities to NGOs. His passion for innovation and Technopreneurshipis what that has always made him different from others.

For his next project, he promised to create what most government bodies and NGOs have failed to implement- “The Situation Room” that will bring new changes to the health sector.

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Source by Anusha Saeed

Views: 0

January 28, 2020
Customer Trust and Loyalty

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Customer trust is a precondition for prosperity. Yet, most businesses…

o Act as if customer trust develops because the business believes it is honest.

o Build only a shallow type of trust that does not lead to profitable relationships and loyalty.

o Have no strategy to build the type of trust where customers increasingly value the relationship.

Now is an excellent time to aggressively and systematically work at building customer trust. Virtually all businesses have been tainted by the general rise in societal distrust of companies.

o A recent Datamonitor study of consumers in the USA and Europe found that 86% are less trusting of companies than they were five years ago.

o 80% of people stop buying products or services from companies when their trustworthiness comes into question (Edelman 2005 Trust Barometer)

o People spread distrust to friends and associates, the people we trust most.

o Over 33% who lose trust in a company, openly campaign against that company on the Internet.

The Datamonitor and Edelman research demonstrates that it goes beyond a few isolated cases. Furthermore, according to a Yankelovich study, more than two-thirds of people don’t believe advertisers and marketing. They see it as self-serving distortions.

Customers want to do business with companies they trust but, don’t know who to trust. Therefore, companies that proactively demonstrate trustworthiness stand to gain a tremendous source of competitive differentiation.

What is trust and why is it important to customer relationships? Webster gives two definitions of trust that help separate the wheat from the chaff.

1. firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability, justice of another person or thing.

2. confident expectation, anticipation, or hope; as in trust in the future.

Most companies believe they are trustworthy but only measure up to the first definition. They want to be known as a company that is honest, reliable and fair. They expect their products live up to expectations and when they don’t they think they treat customers equitably.

Do you think your company measures up? If you say yes, ask yourself what you proactively do to build this trust. Many companies have no deliberate strategy.

If you have a deliberate strategy, now might be a good time to question how well it is working. As mentioned above, Yankelovich’s research shows that most customers don’t believe your marketing and advertising. And, the Edelman Trust Barometer concluded that when looking for a credible source of information on a company or product, CEO’s, employees, public relations people and celebrities rank in the bottom half.

Measuring up to the first definition of trust is essential to sustainable and profitable customer relationships. However, even if customers believe your company is honest, reliable and fair, this is no guarantee they will be loyal and profitable. To garner commitment, profitability and high lifetime value, a company must measure up to Webster’s second definition as well.

Businesses that meet the first definition but not the second, run into the Satisficing Trust Barrier. Satisficing trust is the trust that allows a customer to feel comfortable in buying products or services from a company. It is a sense of confidence that the company will stand behind the product. It is sufficient trust to purchase a well-defined product, a commodity. In a world of abundance and overwhelming choice, satisficing trust does not insure repeat business. Customers buy commodities that offer the best trade-off between satisficing trust, price and convenience. Some companies become complacent because they feel they offer the best combination of the three. Unfortunately for them, all it takes to lose customers is for a competitor to create the perception of a better deal. No real relationship value has been accrued by the company who wins business this way.

The operative words in the second definition of trust are “hope” and “trust in the future.” Many purchases these days are not commodities; they are not well defined and may not have a track record. To make these types of purchases the customer must take a “leap-of-faith,” and this requires trust. In this type of trust the customer must believe that the vendor company is truly interested in a win-win relationship. That is, they are interested a long-term relationship where both parties benefit. This type of trust grows out of experience with a company demonstrating a real commitment to win-win. Since virtually all customers have been “burned,” companies often have to subjugate their short-term interests to stimulate the development of faithful trust.

Customer want to build relationships that help them more confidently make “leap-of-faith” decisions. Being able to rely on this trust helps them simplify things in an increasingly complex world. When this happens, trust in the relationship becomes more important to customers than price and convenience. It starts with “hopeful trust.” Customers want the best for themselves. They want to adapt and to embrace change, and they will place extremely high value in relationships that help. Customers are on the lookout for signs from companies that their “hopeful trust” will be well placed. But this “hopeful trust” is just a test. If experience demonstrates that trust in the relationships is justified, faithful trust will emerge.

When trust morphs from “hopeful” to “faithful,” a very significant twist occurs. The main concern of customers shifts from price and utility to the seeking of advice and guidance. When price is an issue, customers withhold information. When they seek guidance, they openly share. “Faithful trust” enables this openness. It also enables both parties to prosper and builds a basis for co-adaptation, now and in the future.

The trustworthy company gets the immediate sale, but they get much more. Snafus or mistakes that might have once terminated a relationship are now overlooked for the sake of the relationship. Customers become turbocharged advocates. They don’t merely tell others what you sell; they vouch for you and the relationship value you deliver. They come to depend on your business and, as a consequence, they want you to thrive.

The real-life story of Billy Blue, a men’s clothier in San Francisco illustrates the power of fully trusting relationships. Billy Blue’s thriving business took a nose dive during the dot.com crash. The downturn was so severe its owner, Billy Bragman, considered closing his doors. Instead, he wrote his customers a letter explaining the situation and asked them to buy more clothes. Even though many of his customers had their own business “trial and tribulations,” they increased their clothes purchases. One guy sent a check for $2,500 with a note saying, “You know what I like; just send me some new clothes.” Billy Blue customers could easily have turned to other men’s stores but they chose to support Billy Blue. They valued their relationship with Billy Blue and didn’t want it to go out of business.

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Source by John Todor

Views: 0

January 27, 2020
The Husband and Wife Relationship – Understand the Dynamics

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The relationship between a husband and wife are usually complex, and many married couples do not understand the dynamics of the relationship they are in this is the cause of many failing relationships. For a really strong marriage they both need to understand how the dynamics of a husband and wife relationship works. The key to the question of dynamics is to appreciate just how men and woman are poles apart not only physically but more importantly emotionally and mentally.

These differences are best illustrated when you consider the way a husband and wife relationship approaches the matter of problem solving, which shows how they approach problems in completely different ways

The wife will typically talk about the problem with friends and family alike, explore different angles for a solution then combine that research with input from her group of family and friends. This may take some time because women in general like to discuss various solutions and how they feel and relate to the problem, before deciding on any one answer.

The husband on the other hand is more likely tom be a solitary thinker and by virtue of that will be unlikely to discuss the problem with anyone till he has decided on the solution to the problem.

In the husband and wife relationship, problems can be caused by their opposite approach to problem solving, the husband could think that she is taking the problem lightly by talking too much to her friends and family when in his opinion she should be thinking rather than talking about the solution. Conversely the wife may be concerned that he is not addressing their problems because he is not talking about it, when in reality the reason he is not talking about it is that it is constantly on his mind but he has not yet come up with an answer to discuss.

Some of the time a wife can talk about a problem she may have, simply to vent her feelings about a certain matter, to lessen the tension they feel rather than to get an opinion on how to solve the issue. In that way she express her thoughts in front of her friends who in the main will empathize with her while not necessarily offering their opinion as to the solution. Men on the other hand rarely talks about a problem unless he wants advice or help to reach a solution to the problem

The danger is in this situation is that a husband might give his wife his considered opinion as to the solution to a problem, thinking that he is solving things in the way he thinks he is expected to, while his wife is thinking that he does want to listen to the problem and just giving an answer to put an end to the matter.

Though not totally accurate the above example illustrates how the usual differences between men’s and women’s approach to problem solving work out. Understanding they way in which the different genders react can help to stop arguments about the way things are done, consider your partners needs before you act.

The Husband and wife relationship understand the dynamics and you will builder a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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Source by Tom Janic

Views: 0

January 26, 2020