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7 Qualities of a Good Wife – Part I

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Whether you’re a man looking for a good wife or a wife wanting to improve yourself, your marriage or your relationship – take a look at these 7 qualities of a good wife. Good fruit will come from these basic qualities anyone can develop.

7) Nag free. Ladies, a good wife is going to be nag free. Nagging is an ineffective method of trying to get your husband to perform a task you desire. Trust me ladies – it doesn’t work and often will have the opposite of its intended affect.

6) Supportive. Are you supportive? What does it mean to be supportive? Do you belittle your man or do you help him to feel good about himself, his job, activities? Your husband will be much more respectful of you if you support him. Even when you don’t agree with him – respectfully let him know you don’t agree – then support him anyway. Otherwise, if he has difficulties – he’ll feel as though you’re adding to his troubles.

5) Build up your man. Ladies, there’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him – especially in front of others. On the flip side – try genuinely complementing your husband in front of other people. Your husband will glow with admiration toward you and you’ll feel his appreciation as love.

4) Keep him happy in the bedroom. Unfortunately, many women underestimate the importance of keeping her man’s needs met. Often this comes from the basic differences in women and men. For men, sexual desire is much like physical hunger and if it’s not fed properly – the relationship will struggle. Women must look to understand the needs of the man from his perspective not hers.

3) Respect. A good wife will try to treat her man with respect. How? Much of learning how to be respectful toward your husband has to do with the way you talk to him. The old phrase “It’s not so much what you say but how you say it” should become a wife’s motto. This doesn’t mean you need to be careful what you say to your husband – just be respectful in the way you say it.

2) Communicate. Ironically, good communication between men and women can be quite frustrating. However, a good wife will seek to discover what’s on her mind and find a way to express herself to her husband. Often, men and women will make a joint decision – while the man thinks she’s in agreement with him – but only to discover later that she thought the decision was a bad idea.

1) Be pleasant. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who makes everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Good things will come from being pleasant. It’s a decision – just decide to be pleasant. But if you can’t be pleasant – make a decision not to bring him down with you.

Marriage & Love Blog

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Source by Edward Welch

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
Money – And How to Make More of It

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I don't know many independent professionals who wouldn't like to make more money.

It seems so simple. Ultimately there are only four ways to make more money in your business:

1. Get more new clients or customers

2. Raise your rates or fees

3. Sell more services to each client

4. Get more repeat business from existing clients.

Yes, but how do you actually accomplish those three things?

For the next several weeks, I'm going to write a series of articles on how to make more money in your business.

And I'm going to do my best to give you practical, actionable ideas that work. I know they work because I've3 used them and so have many of my clients over the years.

But before I start, there's an important things to understand about money.

Money. Is. An. Emotional. Issue.

Money isn't dollar bills in our pocket or numbers in our bank account.

No, in our minds, money is about our self worth, about how we compare ourselves to others, about how we feel about ourselves, about our success, and ultimately about our survival.

I have a favorite story about money that makes this very clear.

A few years ago, I worked with a husband and wife team who were executive coaches.

Because of our work together, they started to attract more clients on a consistent basis.

However, like many independent professionals, they were undercharging for their professional services.

But when I suggested they raise their fees, they became very uncomfortable.

And when I dug in, I discovered why.

It turns out that both had been raised in relatively poor families and they continually got the message that "rich people are dishonest."

Because they believed that to be true, of course they didn't want to raise their fees. That would make them, in their minds, dishonest.

And, if they felt they were dishonest, that would be a moral failure. That wouldn't feel good. It actually felt better to make less money!

After we explored this belief in depth, they realized that it was both emotional and illogical. It clearly wasn't true that all rich people were dishonest.

Their belief started to transform to: "We offer an honest service that makes a difference to our clients and it's OK to charge what that service is really worth."

This new belief felt a lot better than the old one.

And realizing this, they finally clearly saw that the fees they then charged were virtually nothing compared to the value their clients received.

And before too long they had doubled their fees with almost no pushback from their clients.

And no angst on their part.

So, the very first thing to examine if you are not making the money you want, are your beliefs about money.

Sounds simple, but it's trickier than it seems.

Why? Because we believe what we believe to protect us from any kind of harm – even if this harm is imaginary.

My clients believed they'd become dishonest if they raised their fees. So, in their minds, not raising their fees prevented that from happening.

What shifted this belief was clearly seeing that it was essentially nonsense. They could raise their fees and still be honest people.

With this powerful insight, their belief was forever changed.

And now, as a business owner, I challenge you to question your beliefs about money. First, identify the ones that are holding you back.

Here are a few very popular ones:

Money is scarce

My clients can't pay higher fees

People will think I'm greedy

More money will lead to problems

It feels wrong to make money doing what I love

Money will corrupt me

Being wealthy will make me arrogant

I don't deserve a lot of money

Money leads to bad things

More money just means more taxes

Wanting more money is selfish and shallow

List yours here: ______________________

I don't know which of these beliefs is running you, but if you aren't making the money you want it's almost certain that one or more of these beliefs is holding you back.

What are the fears behind the beliefs?

Honestly ask if those beliefs are true and if they are serving you or limiting you.

Then ask how things might change without those beliefs.

You just might find that it's not so hard to raise your fees after all.

So, the first thing you must do to earn more money is to question your beliefs about money. Unless you do that, you're unlikely to take the practical steps that will help you earn more money.

Do this honest questioning about your money beliefs and you'll be ready to learn a number of step-by-step approaches to earning more money that I'll cover in the following weeks.

Cheers, Robert

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Source by Robert Middleton

Views: 0

July 22, 2022
My Separated Husband Claims To Being Open To A Gradual, Slow Reconciliation. Should I Believe Him?

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I sometimes hear from wives who could have been my past self. The reason for this is that they are separated and somewhat desperate to reconcile and save their marriages. I typically have a very good idea of how they feel because I have been there. I know that when you are separated, there is little else that you think about, other than a reconciliation. You want the reconciliation to happen today – or tomorrow at the very latest. Unfortunately, our husbands don’t always feel the same way. In fact, they are usually the one who wanted the separation in the first place, so they may be very noncommittal when you attempt to talk about a reconciliation. However, it can be hard not to become hopeful when you make start to make progress and you feel like you are connecting again. Understandably, the improvement process can make you anxious to begin to inch toward a reconciliation. But your husband may bristle at this idea. And some husbands even back away from you a little, because they don’t want to be rushed. This can leave the wife feeling a bit stuck. Because she loves her husband and she wants to reconcile, she might be willing to move at his pace. But she can worry about his sincerity.

She might say, “I have been separated for over three months. In the beginning, I was nearly certain that a divorce was in my future. But over the last month, things have slowly started to improve. My husband has been coming over regularly to eat dinner with my son. After we put him to bed, we have been talking for hours. We have had some great talks. I have started to feel a little bit of hope that we might reconcile and I finally got up my courage to ask my husband about this. He said that he is not opposed to reconciling one day, but he insists that it is going to have to be a very gradual process because he isn’t ready to commit to anything. He said that we are both still figuring things out. I admit that I was disappointed and I wondered if perhaps he was saying this just to get me to back off. My girlfriend said that she would have her doubts too and that I shouldn’t put my heart into this until I get a commitment. I am torn. It’s not like my husband is asking anything of me. We aren’t sleeping together. So it’s not like lying to me is really to his benefit. At the same time, I don’t want to get my heart broken. Is it an awful sign that he wants to move slowly?”

Why A Gradual Reconciliation Can Have Advantages: I know why this hurts. You think that he’s just trying delay hurting you and it is scary to get your hopes up. However, I can tell you that even when my husband and I were doing really well as a couple at the tail end of our separation, we both made the conscious decision to take it slowly. It was very hard for me. Because I wanted an immediate reconciliation. But I also knew that I didn’t want to fail and to have to get a divorce. I fully realized that our relationship was still fragile. I also knew that when I tried to pressure or rush my husband, he had a tendency to retreat. So I didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable. I knew that I was probably going to get one chance at this reconciliation thing and I did not want to do anything at all to jeopardize it.

What did help was that, like you, we were making some progress. So when I would get impatient, I would tell myself to contrast the weeks that we went not talking with the fact that we were regularly seeing one another, getting along, and enjoying ourselves. This was just not worth risking by rushing it. I understand your dread about your husband just trying to gain some time. But look at it this way: As long as you continue to make progress, why would he want to prolong the separation? As long as each day is a little better than the last, hopefully, you will both be more optimistic about the future. Why would he want to turn his back on that?

I know that moving at a gradual pace requires more trust. But, trust is a skill that will enhance your marriage anyway. One positive of gradual movement is that it allows you to make little tweaks along the way. You’re not in a situation where it is all or nothing. When you hit a speed bump, you adjust. When things go well, you might accelerate a bit. But you have the flexibility to do so because no one is any huge hurry and no one needs to move out again when things feel rushed. When you reconcile gradually, there isn’t so much pressure when he moves back in because you’ve already encountered many of the issues that may crop up and you have already fixed them. Therefore, your reconciliation has a much higher chance of success. That is why it is important to keep your eye on the real prize.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 22, 2022
My Wife Thinks I’m Immature! What Steps Can Help Change This

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Your wife tells you that you’re immature. Perhaps you agree with her, or maybe you think she’s way off base. Regardless of your stance on the issue, she’s clear on hers. It’s hurtful knowing that the woman you’ve chosen to spend your life with sees you as nothing more than a child in a man’s clothing. Her comments sting, her attitude overshadows all the great things you do and you’re getting tired of trying to please her when you truly believe you’re fine exactly as you are, right?

There’s a very specific dynamic that dominates a marriage when the wife views her husband as immature. She’ll tend to take the reins on everything from major decision making to raising the children. Over time, a man in a relationship like this will start to feel as though his opinion and contributions aren’t welcomed or embraced. Once a marriage hits this bump in the road, it can be difficult to get it back on a loving and mutually respectful path.

Talk to Your Wife About Your Concerns

Before you can work on changing how your wife views you, you must get to the root of why she holds the opinion of you that she does. In some marriages, it’s obvious in that the husband refuses to take on the necessary responsibility that a married partner must carry. This may manifest itself in a man who hasn’t chosen a career path yet even though he’s been out of college for a decade, or it can be a man who insists on splurging on things that the couple can’t afford.

If you’re unsure why your wife continually views you as immature, ask her. You must be prepared to hear some difficult things about yourself. In fact, when you ask your wife about how she sees your behavior, this may actually open the floodgates and she’ll pour out every criticism she has of you.

View this as a step in a positive direction. Try not to become defensive. Instead, absorb it as a tool for change and a means towards a closer, more enriching marriage.

Do Things Within Your Marriage That Command Respect

If someone views you as immature it may be a sign that they simply have little or no respect for you. In the case of a married couple, this can stem from any number of circumstances but it’s generally something that can be rectified.

Commanding respect may feel like an ominous task, particularly in the case of a man who wants his wife to show him more respect. But it’s often your own view of yourself that others will follow. For instance, if you don’t take care of yourself physically or emotionally, your wife may start to believe that you don’t value yourself. In turn, she’ll begin to devalue you as well which can result in her seeing you as someone who isn’t on the same level as she is.

Working on improving yourself is a simple way to garner more respect from your wife. Take stock of where your life is compared to where you want it to be at this point. Perhaps you believed that you’d be running your own company by the age of thirty, or maybe you envisioned yourself a successful investor by the time you entered your forties. Whatever your life goals have been now is the time to redefine them and start making them a reality.

When a person invests more energy, care and time in themselves, others follow that lead. That’s why you must start putting more effort into becoming the man you know you’re capable of. You can show your wife, through dedicated actions, that you aren’t the immature boy that she believes she marries. Instead, begin showing her that you are indeed a focused and mature man who now sees the potential within himself.

Don’t Try and Hurt Your Wife in Retaliation for Her Criticism

When a person we love hurts us verbally there’s a very strong temptation to throw something just as hurtful back in their direction. You may have already done this with your wife when she referred to you as immature. If you have, ensure that it’s the last time it happens.

If you fall to the same level of your wife and throw hurtful words in her direction, you are showing her that you are the definition of immature. You are, in fact, proving her own point for her. Children like to engage in hurtful banter that often results in one person being so stung that the relationship will never be the same. It’s much worse when it’s married adults who are engaging in this type of destruction behavior.

The next time your wife tells you that she thinks you are immature, you need to respond in a very specific way. Look her straight in the eye and calmly say, “you are entitled to your opinion, but I disagree.” Then end the conversation by leaving the room or saying goodbye if it’s via telephone. Don’t engage her a moment longer because if you do you will be tempted to say things that will escalate the situation until you both are hurt.

If you repeatedly handle the situation with this type of dignity and grace your wife will soon realize that her words are hollow. You’ll be showing her that you are indeed mature, calm and reasonable.

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Source by Gillian Reynolds

Views: 0

July 22, 2022
Marital Affairs And Your Karma
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Two people can be mutually attracted to one another, only if there was some relationship between them in some previous life. When you meet a person, to whom you were related in a previous life, the stored memories or the Runanubhandhana stir up your emotions and you may start “feeling” for the person. Every longstanding relationship leads to certain deep impressions. Any act when done repeatedly can become a habit. Every habit leaves an impression. These impressions are the Samskaras, which drive us to act again. But if we have no more debt (runa) with the other person, it just remains a fleeting thought, an impulse only.

Sometimes even though the karmic debt is discharged, the old Samskaras (impressions of past acts) can generate an irresistible inner urge to enter into a relationship. We eventually end up creating a fresh account, a further karmic debt that is not advisable. But if there is undischarged karmic debt, it results in a relationship naturally. When the karmic accounts are settled, once there is no more debt, the relationship ends. But if the Runanubhandhana is very strong, it results in a long-standing relationship like marriage.

This is the cause of every relationship, how it is born and how it ends. But nothing is permanent. No karmic debt can be everlasting. Eventually it has to end when the debt is discharged, when the account is balanced. In this impermanent world change is the law of life. Countless wombs have we passed through. Innumerable mothers, fathers, spouses and children have we been with. It is hard to interact with another being who has not been a parent, brother, sister, spouse, child, friend or associate in some other life. But when a karmic debt is over, the attachment might still be there. We still cling on. When rna (debt) is over, the relationship has to end, but anubandhana (bondage or attachment) might still make us cling to the person. Like the fan that turns for a while even after the power supply has been switched off, the attachment doesn’t die for some time. Once the runa is over, nothing can sustain the relationship. Hence any further remnants of attachment (anubandhana) are bound to produce only suffering and misery.

In some cases, one of the two people involved grows out of the relationship once the runa (debt) is discharged. But the other refuses to move on, due to the attachment (anubandhana). The second person suffers tremendously because any further attachment leads to misery and suffering only. Sometimes there is bitterness also after separation. This bitterness can sow the seeds for future karma! When the karmic debts are over, when a couple has to part ways, as far as possible, it should be done with the least negative feelings. They should part in an amicable way to avoid further seeds of new karma, which is easier said than done.

The karma that brings two people together into marriage can also be of many types.
1. Bitter enemies can be born as husband and wife, and always fight, criticize, deceive one another and make each other’s lives miserable.
2. Two people who have created negative karma between them come back as man and wife, and lead a life of suffering together, fighting with one another.
3. Two people who have created both positive and negative karma between them come back as man and wife, and have a mixed life causing both happiness and unhappiness to one another.
4. Two people who have created positive karma between them in previous lives come back as man and wife and lead a relatively happy life.
5. One who has taken a lot in some life has to give in the present life. In such a case, one of them will always be giving (money, love, care, etc.) and the other receiving.
6. Two souls who are evolving spiritually come as husband and wife, help each other in their evolution and benefit one another. This is the purpose of marriage.
7. A couple who has been husband and wife may come back as husband and wife again, if their Runanubhandhana is very strong. If the Runanubhandhana is very strong and their destinies (lives) are so strongly interlinked, usually both die almost at the same time. If one dies first, generally the other also dies within a few hours or days or weeks. The souls are so strongly identified with one another that towards the end of a successful married life, they behave as if they are one.
8. Sometimes (rarely) a very highly evolved being or soul, or spirit or even an avatar is born as two people to accomplish a mission. After the accomplishment of the mission, they merge back into one. Though very rare, such a divine couple can take birth at times. Such a high soul may be born as two separate individuals as husband and wife, brothers, guru and disciple, etc.
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Source by Diwakar Vashist

Views: 0
July 21, 2022
9 Questions To Ask Before Marriage To Reduce The Risk Of Divorce

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Love with your heart, but think with your mind and keep your eyes open love was never meant to be blind and foolish. Let's get into the most important 9 questions you need to ask before you walk down the aisle.

1. What does marriage mean to you and your fiancé? This question helps you understand the basic concept you and your fiancé have of marriage. Being a wife or husband is like being partners of a start-up company. If both partners have very different views of what this means the marriage will never be managed effectively.

2. What does the marriage look like to you and your fiancé? You are deep in love and have a picture in mind of what the marriage will look like 5, 10 and 25 plus years down the road. Your fiancé also has expectation of what the marriage will look like and how it will function. These expectations may be quite different so get them clear early on.

3. Why did you fall in love? This needs to be clear as well especially when the storms and challenges come. You need to always have this beautiful story to reflect on and help refocus your feelings.

4. What is your purpose in the marriage? Getting married is more about what you bring to the relationship than what you can get from it. There is a very specific set of reasons that make you the best person for your spouse. You need to know how being you and fulfilling your potential will add tremendous value to your spouse.

5. What is the purpose of your spouse as a partner? No matter how well together you believe you are, your spouse also has value to add that will make you a better person.

6. Who are you as a unique person? People get lost in relationships because they lose sight of who they are. You need to take time to figure out who you are before trying to become one with someone else.

7. Who is your fiancé as a different unique person? Apart from appreciating who you are as a unique person you need to appreciate the uniqueness of your fiancé as well.

8. What problems have you already noticed? Love is not blind; love sees the best and minimises the worst. Love lets you know that the issues did not stop you from falling in love. You still need to acknowledge the issues and bring them to the light.

9. What are the expectations you have for your life? Frustration comes when expectations are not met. In marriage you are likely to blame your spouse when these are not met. Your life expectations need to be measured against what you and your fiancé agree on for the marriage.

Taking time to answer these 9 simple questions can save you from the pitfalls that have wrecked many couples. Reduce the risk of divorce by spending more time on questions like these and less on questions about the color of bridesmaid dresses, menus and flowers.

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Source by Kerwyn Joseph

Views: 0

July 21, 2022
It Appears That My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me After His Affair

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I sometimes hear from wives who are devastated not only by their husband’s cheating or affair, but also by the loss of intimacy and physical contact. For whatever reason, sex has been taken off the table. So at a time when a wife is already hurt and confused, she’s now struggling with the fact that she can’t have the reassurance of being intimate. This leaves her wondering whether her husband is still attracted to her sexually and whether or not her marriage will be able to recover.

She might say, “my husband had an affair about two months ago. At first, I would not even speak to him. Eventually, I allowed him to come and see the kids, and little by little, we began talking again. I can tell that he feels very guilty and embarrassed. He goes out of his way to be accommodating and kind to me. He has told me that although he’d like to stay married and that he would never cheat on me again, he can’t ask me to stay with him because he doesn’t know if he could stay with me if I cheated. He is basically saying that he wouldn’t blame me if I refused to take him back. I’ve told him that I’m going to take my time in making a decision. But up until this week, I truly was considering it. However, last weekend, the kids and I watched a movie with my husband and they fell asleep. My husband and I ended up talking and laughing. One thing lead to another and before long we were kissing. When things were about to get intimate, my husband pulled away and said ‘I just can’t have sex with you right now.’ I was stunned, so I asked, ‘you can’t or you won’t?’ He got up and said ‘I just can’t. I’m sorry.’ I have no idea what to make of this. I have tried to ask him about this, but he always changes the subject. Is he not attracted to me? Can he not physically complete the task because of the affair? I want to save my marriage, but I also want to have a healthy sex life again one day. Why would a man not be able to have sex with his wife after the affair?”

I can’t speak for your husband, but I’d suspect that it wasn’t that he couldn’t have sex with you. I suspect that he could have completed the task if he had felt right about it. However, many men have quite a bit of guilt and shame after the affair. So they know that having sex again might create a good deal of awkwardness and negative feelings. On the one hand, they may very much want to have sex with you. But they are ashamed of this desire since they feel that they don’t have any right to ask this of you. Plus, they know that when you disrobe and begin to have sex, you might both be caught up in thoughts of him having sex with someone else, since that wound is so fresh. The thought of this might terrify him. And he might figure that it’s better to just wait to have sex than to try it now and have it be a disaster. Also, he may not want for it to look like he’s only interested in sex with you when he doesn’t really deserve it.

I know that this is painful and may feel like a rejection, but let’s look at the facts. Your husband and yourself were having a nice, light-hearted time laughing together. He was clearly into it when he was kissing you. And then something changed. Since he’s told you that he’d like to save your marriage, I highly doubt that he’s not attracted to you. In fact, I’m sure it was tempting to have sex. However, he was probably trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing or awkward encounter. And perhaps he didn’t want for you to feel taken advantage of in the morning or he did not want for you to feel guilty.

Many couples delay sex after an affair for a couple of different reasons. They want to make sure that it is the right time. They do not want to rush into it and potentially make bigger problems than they already had. Many know that if the sex was awkward and just not good then they would take that to mean that their marriage was doomed. So they wait until they are sure that it will be right, because they know that they are going to analyze it.

Your husband could have the same thought process. He may want to wait until you’re both sure that it’s the right time. He may not want to look like the creep who is pressuring his wife to have sex after his affair. And he probably knows that you might both have thoughts of the affair during sex. All these reasons are why it can truly make sense to wait.

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Source by Katie Lersch

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
I Miss My Separated Husband And Fear That He’s Never Coming Back

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There are certain times in your life where it’s very easy to dread the worst case scenario. Even if you are a natural optimist, when you are faced with the reality that you dread and fear the most, you tend to allow your mind to go to unfortunate places and you almost expect the worst to happen to you.

This is very common. Unfortunately though, your sense of dread can cause you to make desperate moves that you would not normally make, so that your worst case scenario actually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s extremely normal to expect the worst during a separation. For example, a wife might say: “my husband and I have been separated for almost six months. If you would have told me at the beginning of the separation that things would be this bad, I would not have believed you. But they are pretty darn bad. When my husband left home and declared us separated, he made it sound like it would hopefully only be a temporary thing. I don’t know if this was really his intention or if he just did this for my benefit. But the separation has been anything but temporary. My husband never calls. I ask mutual friends if he asks about me and they have to admit that he does not. He acts like I am an annoyance to him. When we first separated, I figured that he would be back in less than three months time. I never in my wildest dreams thought that this much time would go by. And I have to be honest. I now think that he is never coming back. And I miss him so much. I am generally an upbeat person, but this has brought me down so badly. It is all I can think about. In the beginning of our separation, I tried to reach out to my husband all of the time, but he was not receptive to me. I still try, but not as often because the rejection is very hard to take. Some of my friends and family tell me that I need to just accept that he is never coming back and I guess that they are right. But this is a very sad reality for me to face and I’m finding it affecting me much more than I thought it would. How do you face the reality that the separated husband you miss so much is probably never coming back?”

I am probably not the best person to ask as, despite all evidence to the contrary, I never really accepted that my husband wasn’t coming back. But things did get so bad that at one point, it became clear that I needed to live my life. I never gave up on my husband or my marriage. And I figured that if we were going to divorce, then he would need to be the one to pursue it. I left that alone and I tried to live my life as best as I could. I forced myself to stay busy so that I would stop continuously bothering my husband and being rebuffed. I traveled a lot so that the distance made it almost impossible for me to continue on with this cycle.

Ironically, once I forced this shift on myself, my husband became receptive again. But I like to think that I would have carried on regardless. It is true that you can not control what your husband is ultimately going to do. But you do have control over what YOU are going to do. Focusing on the negative while standing still in your own life, (while absolutely understandable,) is not the best course of action. It took me far too long to learn this.

You deserve better than just treading water. As hard as it is to see at the time, your marriage is just one aspect of your life. You have many others. Sure, no one willingly wants to put their marriage on hold. But when you have no choice in this, it is best not to put yourself dead last on your priority list. Because in that sense, you are suffering twice. You are suffering because of what is happening with your marriage. But you are also suffering as an individual because you are basically standing still – just waiting for something that is not completely within your control.

Sure, you can certainly paint yourself in the best light, work on yourself, address your marital issues, and take advantage of any interaction with your spouse. (These things all help tremendously and may make it so that he might eventually come back.) But you can’t control what he thinks or does. So the best course of action is to do what you can and then to focus on moving yourself forward. Doing this doesn’t mean that you have to accept that your husband is never coming back – I certainly didn’t. But it does mean that you’ve made a conscious decision to not solely focus on the negative and to prioritize yourself enough to continue to live your life — rather than putting it off and seeing it through the negative lens that the separation has brought about.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
My Wife Accuses Me of Cheating and I’m Not! How to Calm Her Suspicions

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You feel as though your wife is paranoid, don’t you? It’s hard not to given the fact that she’s constantly accusing you of cheating on her. You have virtually no idea why she’s so suspicious and even though you try hard to calm her fears because they’re baseless, she still goes on and on about how she’s certain you’re not being true to her. It’s incredibly frustrating to be in your position because you are forced to prove your innocence on a daily basis. Why is it that some women become so convinced that their husband is cheating, even when he’s not? Is there a way you can stop her from worrying so you two can just focus on how fulfilling and devoted your marriage really is?

Before I delve further into how you can calm her suspicions, I’d like to address a possibility that you may never have entertained. Human psychology can be a very puzzling thing and there are often hidden clues in a person’s actions that we don’t ever recognize. Such is the case with a wife who accuses her husband of cheating even though he is completely and utterly devoted to her. Sometimes, when a person is being unfaithful, they will take to accusing their spouse of similar behavior. There are actually a couple of reasons why this happens.

First, and foremost, if a wife is indeed being unfaithful she is conscious of having to cover up her infidelity. To that extent she’s going to be more aware when something seems not quite right with her husband. For instance, if you hide your cell phone away in your pocket when you’re home, she may notice that your behavior mirrors her own so she’s going to jump to the conclusion that you are also cheating. The other reason a wife will sometimes accuse her husband of adultery, when in fact she’s guilty of it, is just that. Her guilt is so much that she needs to find a way to displace it so she directs it towards her husband so as to take the bulk of the burden off herself.

Please note that this is not always the case when a wife has become very accusatory. In most cases, it has nothing to do with the wife’s own devotion to the marriage, and it’s more much a self esteem related issue.

Your wife may be overly suspicious of your connections with other women because she isn’t happy with who she is. This can occur after a woman has been married for a time and her husband just doesn’t put in the same effort to make her happy as he once did. It also tends to be a problem for women who aren’t happy with themselves in a physical sense. If your wife looks in the mirror and doesn’t find her own body appealing, she’s going to assume you feel much the same way about it.

Calming these fears can be done but it does take time and patience. You must devote yourself to helping your wife embrace who she is, exactly as she is now. That means making more complimentary comments about how much you love and desire her. It means encouraging her to chase her own dreams and to do the things she finds fulfilling. You have to support your wife in every way imaginable. By doing this you’ll be showing her that you believe in her which in turn, will help her believe in herself more.

It’s essential that you tell your wife how much you adore her on a regular basis. We all sometimes neglect our spouse, not out of intention, but merely out of circumstance. If your life has become very busy and you don’t spend as much time with your wife as you once did, change that now. Create more opportunities for the two of you to be together. Talk with her more, and more importantly, listen to her more. If she feels you are focused solely on her, she’s going to let go of any suspicions she may have had about you being involved with another woman.

It’s also good to allow your wife unlimited access to your life and everything that entails. Leave your cell phone in full view, even when you’re out of the room. Don’t rush to answer calls in private. Also, invite her to visit you at your office whenever she wishes. If you show her you have nothing to hide, she’ll come to believe it.

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Source by Gillian Reynolds

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
DOUBLE-BLINDED MEDICINE: When Doctor and Patient Are Both in the Dark

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DOUBLE-BLINDED MEDICINE:

When Doctor and Patient Are

Both in the Dark

I met a dermatologist the other day who made my skin crawl. He was in his thirties, tall, lean, and unsmiling, like many doctors these days. But what stood out most was a fresh-looking, full-color, eye-popping tattoo on his right arm that snaked its way up from his wrist, circumvented his forearm, and slipped beneath his short-sleeved shirt to unknown anatomical areas. I believe he also had a tattoo on his left arm, but I was too gobsmacked at the time to take note.

Now, you might think, as I do, that a tattooed dermatologist is an oxymoron. It doesn’t take much imagination, or research on the Internet, to realize that tattoos are bad for the skin.

The most obvious issue is that tattooing is done by puncturing the skin, causing skin trauma and risk of infection. Interestingly, there is research that connects the injury to the skin made by both tattooing and vaccinations as a cause of numerous skin reactions, including cancer.

The 2014 article, “Tattoo and vaccination sites: Possible nest for opportunistic infections, tumors, and dysimmune reactions”, in the journal Clinical Dermatology, explains that, “Both dermal tattoos and vaccine injections may alter local immune responses, creating an immunocompromised district on or near the site of placement. This can lead to the development of opportunistic infections, benign and malignant tumors, and local dysimmune reactions… A variety of tumors including basal and squamous cell carcinomas, keratoacanthomas, and malignant melanoma also have been reported in association with tattoos… Vaccination sites similarly provide a setting for both benign and malignant tumors.”

The inks used are also a problem, causing allergies and exposure to heavy metals. It is fairly common for individuals to have an allergic reaction to the dyes used in tattoos. Ink is actually filled with many chemicals and unnatural ingredients that can irritate a person’s skin.

There is also a link to skin cancer. When it comes to cancer, black ink can be especially dangerous because it contains a very high level of benzo(a)pyrene. Benzo(a)pyrene is currently listed as a carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC). Black ink is the most commonly used color for tattooing.

You might think that this doctor may have gotten his tattoos before becoming a doctor, so he didn’t know any better. But this was a new tattoo. And he was flaunting it, not hiding it.

Tattoos are common these days, and fashionable in certain circles. Doctors want to look cool, like everyone else. They grew up like everyone else, exposed to, and brainwashed by, the same cultural messages. They just choose to go into medicine.

I also met a cardiologist who smoked cigarettes. He was also grossly overweight, and ate a big, juicy hamburger with fries for lunch. Of course, being obese, smoking and eating fried foods can increase heart disease.

An obese, smoking cardiologist eating fast food makes as much sense as a tattooed dermatologist.

Maybe these doctors are attracted to their specialties because they know they will need treatment from that specialty due to their lifestyles? It’s like when mentally-disturbed, neurotic people become psychologists or psychiatrists.

How about female doctors who constrict their breasts with tight bras for long hours daily? There are many female breast health experts, including breast surgeons, who wear breast-harming bras. Their medical training never mentioned tight clothing as a cause of circulatory impairment and lymph stasis. These doctors willingly immobilize and alter their breast shape, hide their nipples, and basically re-design their breast appearance for cultural reasons, and do this despite the documented harms caused by bras, including causing breast pain, cysts, and cancer. Wearing bras is just something every woman is culturally expected to do, even doctors.

Is this hypocrisy? Should we expect doctors to be paragons of health and healthy lifestyles?

More basically, when we seek help, does it matter whether the helper is in the same mess we are in? In other words, can you trust a lifeline from someone in the same boat as you?

We seek help in many places.

Would you go to a priest who was a known pedophile?

Would you use a mechanic whose car is broken down?

Would you go to a hairdresser who is having a “bad hair day”?

Would you use a plastic surgeon who has a big nose, cock-eyed chin, and facial scars?

How about eating in a restaurant where the cook is out because of food poisoning?

You could also go into a health food store and buy chips, coffee, candy, wine, beer, and lots of other unhealthy stuff.

Then there are the drug addiction recovery programs that offer coffee to everyone, one of the most addictive substances we consume.

Clearly, there’s a problem here. We live in a culture where there are lots of products and activities that can harm us. In fact, the biggest cause of disease and death is the culture and all the bad things it teaches us to think, do and feel. We absorb these cultural messages from the uterus onward, as our nature becomes modified by our culture.

This applies to everyone. It includes doctors, too. Just because someone studied medicine, it does not mean that they personally eliminated all harmful cultural practices in their lives. The same cultural causes of disease that fill their waiting rooms also fill their personal lives. In fact, the medical culture is even worse on doctors.

For some reason that is not clear, the medical system exploits doctors with long work hours and sleepless day and night shifts. Doctors are rushed and pressured, grabbing unhealthy snacks on the go. They become tempted to abuse drugs to keep going, but may settle for drinking 10-20 cups of strong coffee, instead. They also become tempted to use drugs to relax, but may settle for a few alcoholic drinks. They have little recreation time, or time with their families. And depending on their specialty, they are exposed daily to infectious diseases, death, radiation, the soul-robbing sights and smells of hospitals, and the depression of treating endless lines of sick people, often using treatments that do no good, and for conditions that have no known cause.

Clearly, being a doctor can make you sick, mentally and physically. No wonder why there are so many doctor suicides. Just practicing medicine is slow suicide.

This also means that doctors are not the ones to tell patients to clean up their lifestyles. The doctor’s lifestyle is at least as bad, and actually worse. They participate in the same unhealthy culture as everyone else, addicted to many of the same things, and suffering from the same psychological and physical issues. But they are the ones who are meant to treat those problems.

This is a basic reason why medicine does not emphasize lifestyle or other cultural causes of disease. How can doctors tell patients to not do things that they themselves do?

This is also why many discoveries of the cultural causes of disease are left unnoticed by medicine. For example, when smoking was culturally accepted as safe and good for you, everyone smoked, including doctors. In the 1950’s, there were ads by tobacco companies using doctors to promote smoking. New research that showed smoking caused lung cancer was ignored, ridiculed, and opposed vehemently by many in the medical profession.

Nobody likes to be told that what they are doing is wrong and can harm them, especially doctors who are regarded as the experts on health. Telling smoking doctors that their habit is actually bad is a challenge to their authority. And how can they tell smoking patients to stop?

Another example can be found in today’s debate over the health hazards of bras and their link to breast cancer. I know about this issue personally, as the co-researcher, with my wife Soma Grismaijer, of the world’s first study focused on the bra-cancer link. We announced our results in the 1995 book, Dressed to Kill: The Link Between Breast Cancer and Bras, now updated for 2018.

There are now many studies internationally which link breast cancer with the wearing of tight bras.

Essentially, bra-free women have about the same risk of breast cancer as men, while the tighter and longer the bra is worn the higher the risk rises, to over 100 times higher for a 24/7 bra user compared to a bra-free woman.

But this information is still being resisted by a culture which has become as addicted to bras as it had been to cigarettes. Women have become conditioned into believing that they need artificially-shaped breasts to be acceptable in public. Even doctors have bought into that message. Under the spell of the lingerie industry, the thought of being bra-free in public sends a chill down the backs of women who would feel naked and ashamed without their breasts being bound by a bra.

As a result, the bra issue is still relegated to alternative health and fringe groups, although women are now asking why they need to wear bras in the post-#MeToo world. Must women’s breasts be constantly sexualized by pushing, squeezing, prodding, pinching, compressing, constricting, cleavaging, and lifting their breasts with bras? Many women are now saying no.

Ironically, many female doctors who use bras are insisting that under no circumstances can bras cause disease, especially cancer. The reason is that they cannot imagine themselves being bra-free at work, which is a logical conclusion of this information. If they realized that bras were causing disease, then they would have to defend their bra habit.

This means that there is an additional problem caused by doctors being as ignorant as everyone else with regards to unhealthy lifestyles. Not only does the bad-lifestyle doctor model bad lifestyles, but that doctor may also be personally and psychologically invested in defending those bad lifestyles. They don’t want to stop doing what everyone else is also doing. They want to belong, just like everyone else, even if that requires smoking, drinking, or doing other harmful behaviors.

But their denial carries weight with patients. Doctors model and teach implicitly by their own behaviors.

Should doctors be required to practice the latest lifestyle trend alleged to improve health and prevent disease? Before anything like this can even be considered, the bigger obstacle for doctors is their own medical culture that abuses them and drives them to depression and suicide. So long as the institutional and corporate powers that control medicine continue to abuse doctors with a harmful medical culture, don’t expect medicine to focus on culture.

Medical culture is a glass house that will not throw stones at pop culture.

And since the medical industry profits from the detection and treatment of the resulting diseases, there is actually financial incentive to maintain the cultural status quo, even if that culture is also killing doctors. There are many more pre-med students waiting to take their place.

This is double-blind medicine. Both the patient and doctor are in the dark. It’s the blind leading the blind, except that the blind leaders deny their blindness and scoff at those who see the light.

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Source by Sydney Ross Singer

Views: 0

July 19, 2022