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What is the Ultimate Lifestyle?

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Since the mission of this newsletter is to help you define,

carve out, and live your own Ultimate Lifestyle, I figured I

should devote some space to laying a proper foundation for

doing that.

Before you can hit a target, you need to know where it is!

So, to begin, let’s answer the question:

What is The Ultimate Lifestyle?

First of all, it’s different for different people. There are

no rules or formulas. For some people, it means a lot of

money, lots of “stuff,” a fast-paced and “jet-set” sort of

lifestyle. For others, it means a very simple, slow-paced

life that focuses on service to others. And for others, it’s

every possible scenario in between these two “extremes.”

There’s no right or wrong lifestyle, or good or bad

lifestyle.

There’s just what works for you — and it will likely change

over time. I know it has for me.

No matter how you end up defining Ultimate Lifestyle for

yourself, now and in the future, there are 8 components that

must be considered:

1) Income Streams

To live your Ultimate Lifestyle, you must have income

streams flowing that allow you to pay your bills and finance

all the “extras” you prefer. To me, the ultimate target to

shoot for in this arena is to have income streams flowing

whether you “show up” for “work” or not, so you can choose

what you want to show up for (even if it continues to be

what you call “work” or a “job.”).

That’s what I’ve been able to achieve by applying my

Invisible Path/11th Element strategies combined with direct

marketing on and off the Internet.

Having income streams flowing whether you show up or now

seems like “pie in the sky” to many people, but it’s

actually very attainable in today’s world. You’ll learn more

about how to do it in future issues.

2) Emotions and Beliefs

Many people fail to create their Ultimate Lifestyle because

they have emotional blocks, issues, or beliefs (what I call

“p.s’s.” or “master biography files”) that hold them back.

Other people have produced extraordinary results and could

live their Ultimate Lifestyle, but their blocks, issues or

beliefs prevent them from doing it — or fully enjoying it.

Therefore, living The Ultimate Lifestyle must include having

access to resources and inner skills that allow you to

uncover and remove, heal, or release any blocks, issues or

beliefs that hold you back. You’ll learn more about how to

do that in future issues.

3) Fulfillment and Satisfaction

Whether you have a 9-5 job and career, you’re a full-time

mom, or whatever you do with your time, a big part of living

The Ultimate Lifestyle means getting as much fulfillment and

satisfaction from what you spend your time on as possible.

Many people don’t ask for this, don’t focus on this, and

therefore don’t get it. You must make it part of your

intention and focus!

4) Living Environment

How and where do you want to live? In the mountains? In the

big city? On the water? Multiple homes? Do you want to live

in a big home or a small home? Is privacy or seeing

beautiful scenery out your windows important to you? Do you

like modern furnishings, antiques, or an eclectic mix?

Living the Ultimate Lifestyle means asking these questions

and having a home base that nourishes you at a very deep

level. My family recently moved to Charlottesville, Virginia

in pursuit of the nourishing living environment we craved —

and we got it, even better than we expected!

5) Relationships

What good is having income streams, a healthy emotional

life, empowering belief systems, a great living environment,

and a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction from how you

spend you time if you’re alone (and don’t want to be) or

your relationships with significant others (parents,

siblings, kids, associates, etc.) are a mess? Believe me, I

know about this one from long personal experience (before

meeting my wife, Cecily).

Therefore, living The Ultimate Lifestyle must include having

access to resources and inner skills that allow you to

attract, build, and maintain healthy relationships.

6) Health

Again, what good is having income streams, a healthy

emotional life, empowering belief systems, a great living

environment, fulfillment and satisfaction, and great

relationships if you have health problems that drag your

quality of life into the gutter?

Dr. Robert Lindberg says, “We spend most of our life gaining

wealth and we then spend most of our wealth on gaining back

our health.”

Living The Ultimate Lifestyle means having access to

knowledge, resources, and skills that allow you to get

healthy, stay healthy, and quickly resolve difficulties if

and when they arise. I discussed some of the resources I use

for this in previous issues, and will continue to share them

in future issues,

7) Time

You can have income streams, a healthy emotional life,

empowering belief systems, a great living environment,

fulfillment and satisfaction, great relationships and health

and if you don’t have any time to do what you love, to

follow your non-work passions, or to truly enjoy anything,

what’s the point? I know many people who could absolutely be

living their Ultimate Lifestyle, but they choose to work too

much, to the detriment of their quality of life. That’s too

bad — to have the choice and ability and not do it.

8) Wealth Building, Management, and Responsibility

The final component to living The Ultimate Lifestyle is

having systems in place that allow you to use your income

streams to create wealth (as you define it), manage it, grow

it, protect it, structure your financial and business

affairs for maximum efficiency and personal benefit, and

find ways of contributing and giving back (if that’s

important to you, which it is to me and my wife).

I’ll be writing a follow up article, called “The fuel that drives the Ultimate Lifestyle” shortly.

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Source by Bob Scheinfeld

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November 11, 2022
Sex Toys: Good or Evil? (2)

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Consequences

There are dire consequences for using sex toys. First, it will attract legions of sex demons (incumbi and succumbi) spirits to you. Second, it will make you permanently spiritually unfit and cause leakages of spiritual powers, gifts, confidence and abilities. Third, it is immoral and thus, a sin against God. Four, it will attract curses from God and from demonic spirits. Five, the curses may turn generational. Six, it can lead to psychological and mental hang-ups that can make you hate or withdraw from the opposite sex, and thereby not fulfilling the original plans of God to have a healthy sexual relationship and union.

Incumbus and Succumbus (sex demons)

You cannot use or keep sex toys, objects, dolls, pornographic materials or masturbate without opening doors for very sex hungry marauding demon spirits. There are satanic spirits that specialize in attacking humans through sex. Like the bible has given us a little window into the dark world, these demons like their fellows go to and fro, day and night searching for victims. In fact, Jesus said they roam about looking for where to enter and occupy. True. And worse, they are in millions and that was why Jesus could cast out thousands of them from just one person! And seven terrible ones from the woman prostitute – Mary Magdalene:

“Not long afterwards Jesus began a tour of the nearby cities and villages to announce the Good news concerning the kingdom of God. He took his twelve disciples with him, along with some women he had healed and from whom he had cast out evil spirits. Among them were Mary Magdalene, from whom he had cast out seven demons. Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s business manager, Susanna, and many others.

– Luke 8:1-3.

All prostitutes, immoral sinners including sex toy users and other ‘masturbators’ are possessed with sex demonic spirits. You may not know all they battle with until they open up. They struggle with many seen and unseen things and beings – physically and spiritually; even in their dreams. Mary Magdalene; a prostitute and other women were having these issues until they came to Jesus who cast out those spirits upon their repentance. And they became free. Look at Mary, after that encounter with Jesus her real person, gift, love for God came out. She immediately became one of the most trusted followers of the Lord Jesus. She ministered to Jesus, stood by Him at the Cross, watched His burial, came early to observe his sepulchre and also was privileged to see the risen Lord. Wow!.You real personality, your love for God will only come out when you throw away or burn those instrument of immorality called sex dolls, toys and vibrators. True. Burn those toys now! We will continue next. God bless!

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Source by Gabriel Agbo

Views: 0

November 11, 2022
How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

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I sometimes hear from wives who are fairly certain that their husband is going to leave them. Some of them just have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving out. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them concede that the marriage does have problems, but most don’t believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most of the wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that is left in the marriage, and try to salvage their family. The wife usually figures that if the love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes, the husband clues in on this, begins to pull away, and starts to make the wife worry that he no longer loves her in the way that he used to. So, she puts two and two together and starts to believe that if she can just make him “love her more,” then he won’t want to leave any longer.

She might say, “I can tell by the way that my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know that it’s not just my imagination – because, in the past, he has talked about moving out. First, he was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I am pretty sure that he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got ill, so he had to deal with that. At this point, I just want to make him love me more so that I don’t have to deal with this moving out threat every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that are going to discourage him from moving out. How do I increase his love for me so that he won’t want to move out?”

Why You Don’t Want To Let Any Hint Of Manipulation Into This Mix: This situation is so tricky on so many levels. First of all, the second that you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of both manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat annoyed, knowing that his wife is trying to “make” him do something is not going to bring about loving feelings. It is usually going to encourage him to do just the opposite – he might instead back away and retreat. Worse, he may then limit your access to him, which suddenly makes your job a lot harder.

Take Stock Of What Is Positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still in your home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would leave and would not let anything stop him – regardless of the holidays or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the timing or the details second. I’m not saying that he’s happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be dire just yet. You may still have time.

I know that your inclination right now is to panic and to pressure your husband more. These are the last things that you should do. Think about what attracted your husband to you initially. It probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to lay claim on him and to hold him in a tight grasp. No, it was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he talked and who expected the same from him.

Fixing What Is Fixable: One really good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often, it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that draws out the feelings within it. You can have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you are fighting. The very best thing that you can do is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to loving feelings and then remove what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that it drives your husband crazy when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can – and this is normally your behavior, not his.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Why Can’t I Forget My Ex Wife? Help for Moving on After Divorce

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It is 3 a.m. Silence echoes inside the empty house. You know you will not meet tomorrow’s deadline for that project at work, but you don’t care. All this seems so trivial. It’s been that way a year now. A veil has been covering your perception, your goals and your aspirations. Only this one phrase keeps repeating itself inside your mind: “Why Can’t I Forget my Ex Wife?” You keep wondering if there was anything you could have done to save this marriage. You cannot understand why you sink deeper and deeper into this vicious circle inside your mind, instead of getting over it. They say time heals, but it does not seem to be happening to you. Time cannot heal, unless you want it to.

Healing from divorce for men is just as hard as it is for women, maybe even harder. The reason for this is that women express their emotions, but for men it’s not as easy. They suppress their feelings. They struggle to abide by the role imposed to them by society and this always backfires. The pain inside of them accumulates and it multiplies to the point that it becomes unbearable.

1. Express Yourself

This is the most important thing you need to do during and long after the divorce. The phrase “men do not cry” couldn’t be far from the truth. Men do cry, but they do so in solitude. Do not struggle to hold back your tears in the company of a dear friend.

2. Communicate

Talk about it for hours with your friends and relatives, if you feel the need to.

3. Avoid By All Means Mutual Contacts

Whatever you say will be more than likely transferred in a distorted version to your ex-wife and vice versa. This creates a never-ending gossiping circle, which completely destroys a man’s chances to recover after divorce.

If contact with mutual friends and relatives is inevitable, demand that they do not talk to you about this matter.

4. Get It Out Of Your System

A day will come, when you are finally sick and tired of mourning. Gather all the pictures, letters and any other reminders and keep them in a safe place away from your sight. Stop going to places you went together. If you are the one who’s kept the house, move to a new house or even area.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

Most of the times, these relationships do not work. They slow down a man’s healing process after divorce and they end up hurting even more people.

6. Take A Trip Alone

Take a trip on your own to some remote, peaceful place with warm climate and tranquil water for swimming. It will help you relax, realize the beauty that still exists around you and give you the opportunity for introspection. All the pain you’ve gone through will be for nothing, if you do not learn from it.

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Source by Larry J Milton

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November 10, 2022
My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

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As a wife who has been very reluctantly separated, I would argue that there is a natural and undeniable inclination to cling tightly to what you are afraid of losing. And when you are a wife who does not want to lose your marriage or your husband, then it’s very natural to cling a little more tightly. In some instances and with some husbands, this doesn’t matter. Some husbands do not mind the clinging.

But when you are dealing with a husband who was demanding space and who seems to be distancing himself from his wife, it can matter – quite a bit, in fact. Many husbands push back against this type of clinging and distance themselves even more. They may use phrases like: “smothering,” “holding on too tight,” or “coming on too strong.”

The wives hear what the husband is saying, but they also point out that their husband is expecting something that just isn’t natural. She might say: “last night, my husband told me something that I never ever expected him to say. He told me that I was smothering him. We have been separated for about three weeks – at his insistence. If I had my way, he would still be living at home. But as it is, he is staying with a male friend. He has been restless and unhappy for months. He finally told me that he needed some time away from our marriage. I immediately panicked and assumed that he wanted a divorce. He swore that he didn’t. But I am still not sure that I believe him. I just don’t understand why a middle aged man should need space from his marriage unless he is planning to end the marriage or break his vows. And that is why I feel that I need to be in touch with him every day and know what he is doing. But when I try to do this, he tells me that I am “smothering” him. I believe his exact words were something like: ‘I felt like I was being smothered at home and now I feel like I can’t escape even now that I am here. You have got to stop smothering me. I have got to be my own person.’ It’s almost like he is accusing me of acting like his parent – and I absolutely am not. I just care about him and I think that I have the right to know what is going on with him and with my marriage. I don’t think that our talking a couple of times per day is too much to ask. I don’t call that ‘smothering.’ Do you?”

I am going to be honest because I honestly want to help you. And I want to help you because I have been in your shoes and, because I made so many similar mistakes that almost costs me my marriage, I learned a hard truth. And it is this: It really doesn’t matter if you or I wouldn’t call checking in “smothering.” Because if he perceives it as such, then he is going to react to that perception. And his reaction may be detrimental to what you really want. And isn’t that all that matters?

Understand That Ideal End Game: I suspect that you what you really want is both for him to come back and for him to come back willingly – and not with his tail between his legs because you have worn him down. Believe me, I understand the strategy. I never consciously thought about it. But looking back now, I think I figured that if I could bug my husband enough or remind him of our marriage enough, he’d eventually get sick of the back and forth and come back home.

Instead, he distanced himself from me even more. We’ve reconciled now. But he’s confided in me that there were times when he considered divorce because he felt that might be necessary to “escape” my constant contact.

I’m not here to debate whether or not my husband legitimately needed space from me. He and I will probably never agree on that. But what does matter is that he thought that he did. And frankly, that is all that matters. Because these thoughts formed his actions. Whether his thinking was faulty or not, he was going to act on it. And this thought process made a huge difference in what happened in our marriage.

I know that we wives like to think that if we just do or say the right thing, he will change his mind and not want space from us anymore. But frankly, this isn’t as likely as him just getting frustrated that you are not listening.

If What You’ve Done Isn’t Working, Consider Trying Something New: For me, the better call was backing away. I tried initially just telling my husband that I was going to let him call me next time. This did work – some, at least. But there were times when he would not call and I would panic and then come on too strong. So I took some time off by putting literal miles between us by returning to my hometown for a while. This forced me to back away – because I didn’t have much of a choice.

This didn’t feel ideal at the time. Honestly, it felt like giving up at that particular moment in time. But it did eventually make a positive difference. Eventually, my husband started reaching out to me. And as this started to work, I didn’t have to force myself quite as much anymore. I literally saw that it was working, so the struggle became much less because finally I was starting to see the tide turn. For this reason, I was more than willing to go along because I knew it was the better alternative.

I am not suggesting that you need to do the same thing. That may not work for you. But I am suggesting that you ask yourself if backing away – even for just a little while – might be worth a try. You can always reverse course if it doesn’t work for you. But once you know for sure that what you’re doing isn’t working – and once your husband has literally told you in harsh words that he’s getting frustrated – then these are both good indications that you may want to change course, even if only for a little while. At the very least, maybe try a form of communication that he doesn’t find “smothering.” You may not technically be smothering, but if he thinks you are, then that is what matters.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 26, 2022
How Should The Other Woman Proceed When The Wife Finds Out About The Affair?

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I sometimes hear from women who have been cheating with someone who is married. Some of the time, they truly believed that in due time, the man’s marriage was going to come to a natural and mutual end so that the two of them could be together. They wanted to believe that the marriage had grown stale so that both people would mutually agree to end the marriage. Once this happens, then that would free up the husband to pursue a new relationship.

As we all know, this isn’t usually the way that it happens. Usually, the wife finds out about the affair and the marriage does not just end by both people mutually agreeing to it in a healthy way. The wife is usually hurt and angry and, believe it or not, the husband usually panics and immediately chases after his wife, suddenly afraid that he’s going to lose his family.

Understandably, this can leave the other woman confused. This isn’t how things were presented to her. And where is she in all of this? You can see how she would feel left out in the cold and unsure about how to proceed. She might say: “I feel stupid admitting that I honestly thought I was going to live happily ever after with the man that I was dating. I knew that he was married, but he presented it to me like he was working on untangling himself from that. Still, he was always careful that his wife would not find out. But she did. And I was shocked when he immediately told me that he could not see me anymore and begged me not to make this harder than it already was. I’m very shocked by this. And I feel set aside and hurt. Now this guy and his wife are scrambling to save their family, but what about me? I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I am left out in the cold of all of this. I am tempted to try to contact his wife and plead my case. I want her to know that the husband represented to me that their marriage was over. I want for her to have all of the information so that she doesn’t think that her husband is loyal to her. And I want to see the other man and plead my case also. After all that we have been through, it is annoying that he is just going to walk away. What should I do right now?”

Honestly, I am not sure that you are going to like my answer but it is heartfelt and is what I honestly feel and believe. I will admit that I have been the wife in this situation, but I’ve had friends in your situation and I hear from many on the other side of the equation. I can tell you that statistically, the husband and wife generally end up together. It may take a while. And there can definitely be some uncertainty, but statistics show us that it is much more likely for the husband to go back to his wife than to have a lasting relationship with the other person. You can check this for yourself, but that is what the statistics show. That is why I do not recommend that you reach out to either of them. It is only going to hurt, annoy, and frustrate everyone involved and the chances are high that it is not going to affect the outcome in the long run. You’ll only be causing pain to yourself, the husband, and the wife.

I know that a big driving force for you right now is that you feel set aside and ignored. One reason for this is that it feels as if your course of action is set by someone else. Since the husband and wife have the marriage, they get to decide how things proceed, which can seem very unfair. So how do you get a sense of control back? By bowing out gracefully from this trio and focusing on yourself, your own well being, and your own happiness. Take control back of your own life. Ask yourself why you’d be vulnerable to settling for a man who couldn’t be solely yours. Fix your self esteem and then vow to only give your heart to men that are free to return your love and be yours alone. All women deserve nothing less. I know that this might not be what you wanted to hear, but I believe that it is the healthiest option. It gives you control of your life, it really is the right thing to do for all involved, and it doesn’t force you to go against the odds. Trying to hurt others usually ends up only hurting you. There’s more than enough hurt to go around right now, so you can never go wrong with focusing on your own healing instead.

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Source by Katie Lersch

Views: 0

July 26, 2022
Love As an Emotion

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I am now talking to the male part of any relationship because the male is normally the leader in any relationship. So, men, what will happen if your love for your wife or girlfriend relied on your emotions, or on your feelings? Today, you could cherish her, caress her, care for her, hug and kiss her. Tomorrow, you might feel totally different. You might slap her around a bit, shout and scream at her, ignore her, deride her. Because that is exactly what feelings are all about. Emotions play games on your feelings all the time. And the game changes every day, every minute. Think now of how confusing for the poor lady you have as a girlfriend or wife. She wants your attention, she says she loves you and has chosen you to be her mate, friend, and husband, whatever. But she is afraid of you because you are so much stronger as her, and she knows at any time you could burst into one of your tirades with disastrous consequences for her. Maybe a broken nose, a black eye, cracked ribs. Men who do this to any woman should be ashamed of themselves.

Real adult love is more than just a feeling. It means caring even when you do not feel like caring. It means spending time with your spouse when you prefer watching an important game on the telly. It also means nursing her when she feels ill and spending time with her when you prefer spending time with your friends. Love is taking responsibility for others and setting their needs and desires above yours. Love is also consistent with your feelings and it does not change every day. Love is not rude or harsh with your spouse, and respects her as the weaker member of your relationship.

I guess what I really want to say about being in a relationship where emotions and feelings is the basis of your relationship, and then you need to think long and hard about this. To rely on feelings is immature and stupidity, you just cannot rely on it. Do you really want to have a relationship with this woman? Tomorrow you might prefer spending time with your friends. Or for that matter, some other woman. So, if you decide no, I do not want to spend so much time with this woman, and then tell her that so that she could understand where she stands. She might feel hurt now, but in the end, she will at least know where she stands with you. And both of you could move on with your lives.

There are so many examples I can give on real love. But one thing I will say about this. Real love is taking responsibility of the opposite gender. Today you say you love her, but she will have the assurance that regardless of how you feel, tomorrow you would love just as much. Do not rely on your feelings of love for today, tomorrow it might be different.

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Source by Rodney Evan Bentley

Views: 0

July 26, 2022
Am I Ordained To Marry?

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One common question people ask us during counseling is whether they are ordained to marry or not. Few weeks ago, a sister walked up to me to ask if she was ordained to marry or not. I asked why she thought so. She said, her pastor taught them that it is written in Matthew 19:12 that some people were made to be eunuchs and therefore, not everyone is expected to marry. And now she was worried because of the series of disappointments she had experienced in her relationships. When I asked her whether they were equally taught how to differentiate between both groups she said that was why she came to ask me. I said she should have gone to her pastor to ask but she said she would not because they were more interested in how many souls they had won to Christ than their marital plans.

Her vehement refusal to go to her pastor for counsel was a clear indication that she had gone through some elements of frustration. I don’t know how many people are in the same situation today. All I know is that someone will be free from this bondage today.

Before I address the core issue, let me tell you that Christianity is a balanced relationship. The same God that says he that wins a soul is wise also says marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral, (Hebrew 13:4 NIV). The practice of holding back mature adults in church from marriage because you don’t want to lose them to other churches or distract them from actively engaging in church growth is unbalanced and unhealthy for the growth you desire. Marriage is an honor before God. It brings glory to God. Anyone that desires to marry should be encouraged before they begin to defy themselves right under your pulpit.

My counsel is that while encouraging them to continue winning souls they should also be counseled on the right way to find the right kind of spouse and the right way to marry. Teach them to let their marriage become a plus to the church instead of minus. If you alone could chase one thousand souls, let you and your spouse join in marriage to chase after ten thousand souls.

Matthew 19:12 says: ” For there are some eunuchs, who were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, who were made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it let him receive it.”

The above scripture clearly defines the three categories of eunuchs. Our point of emphasis here shall be on those born eunuchs from their mothers’ womb. The other two are those forced into it and those that became so by their choice.

When God created man in His image and likeness, He decreed that he should go into the world and multiply. That declaration is for you and me. The only approved way to achieve this multiplication is to marry legally and keep the matrimonial bed holy. You don’t need an angel to whisper into your ears that it is time to marry. The rules are there in the bible. That is not our focus for today anyway.

Take example from Abraham, the father of faith. He didn’t need any prophecy to discern whether his son Isaac, needed a wife or not. All he needed was simple wisdom drawn from the Word of God. God told him during his call that through him the earth shall be populated with His new generation of children. He settled it in his mind to get a wife for Isaac to make that calling and purpose come to fruition. At the appointed time, he sent his servant, Eleazar to go to his kindred to get a wife for Isaac. You know the rest of the story in Genesis chapter twenty-four.

God designed man with all the features required to perform all that He wants him to do on earth in the same way a manufacturer will not put his products in the market place without the inbuilt features to function. Signs of puberty, sexual emotions and strong attraction towards the opposite sex are some indicators that you are ordained to marry. When His due season is near, He begins to impress His desires in your spirit for onward transmission to these dormant sexual potentials in you and suddenly you will awaken to certain pressure in that direction. The bible says, ” it is God who works in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure”, Philippians 2:13. Marriage is one of the good things that bring pleasure to God. When you start feeling the urge or willingness to get married just know God has begun this good work in you. Anybody that has this urge or desire to marry is one of those God has ordained to marry. Period!

To become a eunuch or to marry is your choice. God has given you the free will to decide it. He will not choose or impose any one on you. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because he wanted to use his life to serve God and not because God said he should not. His case should not become a doctrine to dissuade people from fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives. He even admonished anyone that is unable to bear it to marry instead of burning in lust. If you choose to live a life of celibacy or choose to marry as you have desired, God is pleased with you. Do not allow previous disappointments dissuade you or make you start thinking that it might be that you are among the chosen eunuchs. You are ordained! If things are not working well, find out what you have not been doing right, keep correcting and working on yourself so God can connect you with the right kind of spouse.

However, it does not mean you should rush into anyone because God has willed it so for you. There is period to find the right kind of spouse and there is time for preparation. My stake here is to let you know that these signs put you in the category God has ordained to marry. You do belong to the group of those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb.

Parents should watch out for these signs in their children and wards. When these signs begin to show up, it is a signal to parents to start preparing their children or wards for the next phase of their lives. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians around these children do not always prepare them on time, and sometimes they misdirect them through wrong information. We owe the upcoming generation this responsibility as guardians. Those who fail at this level of parenting always regret it because late stitches steal real good time.

Those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb do not have and will never have the urge to get married because they do not have the features in them. I do not mean those incapacitated by sickness, diseases and infirmities like down syndromes, depression or paralysis. These are healthy and virile folks who are repugnant to the site of the opposite sex. They never have any amorous feelings towards the opposite sex even when they are both nude in a secret room.

Whether we choose to marry, remain single or born incapacitated, it does not make us sinners or better before God. He loves all of us equally, but it will please Him to see us fulfill His desires for us. I have cleared the obstacles before you. The onus is now on you to decide what you want. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because it was his choice. Apostle Peter did not divorce his wife because of God’s work, yet God accepted them all. Decide your case by yourself.

Remain Blessed!

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Source by Christopher UI Ogholoh

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July 25, 2022
The Year Our Marriage Grew

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AT around our tenth wedding anniversary, we had a realisation.

The realisation we had was this: despite all the quality marriage counselling we had received from our wonderfully gifted and skilled marriage counsellor early on, we were, at that time, still not enjoying satisfaction.

We now knew the principles, but now we had to apply them. Knowledge of principles provides no satisfaction, only application provides satisfaction.

The year our marriage grew coincided with application. Instead of believing in concepts and talking about them, we decided to commit to working the concepts out in our marriage. This inevitably meant adapting the marital wisdom we had learned so it worked for our unique coupling, for our inimitable family structure.

We had had twenty counselling sessions, and I think our counsellor was at pains to say, ‘Go and do what we’ve been talking about; what I’ve been showing you’… initially it even got worse. It had nothing to do with the standard of our counsel – it was like growing pains in our marriage. Things tend to get worse before they get better.

Inevitably, we as partners had to learn to commit to each other in ways we had never thought we would need to. Our covenant to each other was solid, but we now had to commit to love this other person in ways that worked for them, not simply ourselves. Without even recognising it at the time, we began to accept each other like we had never done before. That is true love: unconditional acceptance at the deepest level. And it takes time.

The year our marriage grew was Year 4. Indeed, the previous three simply proved our commitment to each other. We hadn’t torn each other apart. But there were some horrible experiences. Whilst those first three years were unbelievably tough, they set us up as we pressed on into the hard work required in finding our way into the space of marital peace (which is punctuated with conflict that is managed well in the main).

My wife and I are believers in marriage; that marriage is not only wonderful but hard work. We believe, as we experienced, that counselling works; but not only that, there’s a limit to what counselling can do. I say that as someone who gives marital counsel.

It must be applied. There needs to be a time where a couple weighs anchor and begins the work of reconciling the problems on the high seas of their marriage. It can take years, but don’t be despondent. You learn to survive when it’s just you and your spouse. Sure, we all need tune-ups, prayer and support, but others’ help is limited.

This is what we learned: marriage seems best when the foibles of one are acceptable to the other. What seems like an easy concept can demand years of work to arrive at.

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Source by Steve Wickham

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July 25, 2022
My Husband Says He Doesn’t Care If I Stay Or Leave

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I sometimes hear from wives who have been telling their husband that they are considering leaving the home or the marriage. Some are sincere about this. They are unhappy and feel that taking a break by leaving may be the best thing at the time. Others are not exactly serious about leaving. They are threatening to leave in the hopes that their husband will ask them not to (or they will at least get a reaction out of him to show that he still cares.)

Unfortunately, sometimes this backfires. The wife will announce her intention to leave and hope that her husband will try to stop her (or at the very least ask her not to leave.) Instead, her husband will tell her that he really doesn’t care if she stays or goes. This leaves her unsure of how to proceed. Does she go when she really doesn’t want to in order to save face or make a point? Or does she cave and simply tell him that she changed her mind? And what does her husband’s indifference say about the state of her marriage or her ability to save it?

She might say, “my husband and I have been fighting pretty badly for almost four months. Things are definitely not happy at home. For a while, my husband was apartment hunting and was telling me that he was going to move out, but he never actually did. Still, he complained constantly. I got tired of hearing him complain all of the time, so I told him that I was going to leave so he wouldn’t have to be so unhappy. Now, I’m going to be honest. I really hoped that he would confess that he really doesn’t want for us to live apart, which is why he hadn’t actually signed a lease or moved out yet. Instead, his exact words to me were: ‘I really don’t care if you stay or go.’ He just sort of shrugged his shoulders and said that nothing really changes between us no matter what we do. Now, I am unsure about how to proceed. This hurts me. I had hoped that his not moving out meant that he was willing to save our marriage, but now he acts as if he is indifferent as to whether we live together or not. I don’t want to pack my stuff and leave, but what do I even say now? How do I avoid not having to leave my house? Do I just have to admit that I gambled and lost and that my marriage is over?”

I don’t think so. If everyone who ever threatened to leave their marriage ended up divorced, the divorce rate would be much higher than it actually is. Many couples make these sorts of threats in the heat of the moment and nothing actually comes of them. The threats are understandable. They are usually made because things are bad, but nothing is changing. So one of the spouses decides to shake things up by threatening to leave. The hope is the other spouse will beg them not to go and will have to craft a plan to make things better. Frankly, your husband might have done exactly the same thing when he threatened to leave previously. He did not make good on the threat and I don’t believe that you have to, either, especially if you really don’t want to go.

However, it goes without saying that in order for both of you to want to stay put, you’re going to need to dig in and really improve your marriage so that one or both of you do not get so frustrated that you just give up. I think it would be helpful if you could clear the air, if possible, so that you both know that no one is going anywhere immediately. Because if the living situation is up in the air, it becomes harder to commit to doing the work necessary to save your marriage. If you doubt that your spouse will stick around and work with you, there can be some uncertainty, which could hurt your progress. So you might try something like, “well, you may not care if I leave or stay, but I have decided that I care very much. I have calmed down and thought about it and, if I’m being honest, I really don’t want to leave. I said that I did because I was frustrated and didn’t know how to fix this. But I think of instead of us both getting angry and threatening to leave, we could turn our energy toward making things better between us so that no one has to go. I’d prefer not to leave and live alone. I am hopeful that if we work together, neither of us will need to live alone.”

Yes, saying this will make you feel vulnerable, may feel awkward, and requires that you are the bigger person. But it will hopefully buy you some time. After you have cleared the air, hopefully no one will need to threaten to leave in the hopes that the other will ask them not to go. Because in essence, you will have accomplished what you are both hoping for – the reassurance that with work, no one will have to leave, because no one really wants to separate.

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Source by Leslie Cane

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July 24, 2022