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Tag: Loving

  • Increase Your Chances For Personal Success

    Increase Your Chances For Personal Success

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    Success, as most other things in the world, is a subjective thing. Two people may be in the exact same situation, say financially, but one of them may deem themselves successful while the other one may think of themselves as a financial failure. In fact, you may not consider someone to be financially successful and yet that person may think they are super successful. Likewise if someone does seem to you financially successful, it doesn't mean that this person has the same experience of themselves. And as we all know, how you feel about your life is what matters, not how other people think you should feel.

    So now the question is: What do people who think of themselves as successful have that sets them apart from the ones that see themselves as a failure? Is it self-esteem? Is it confidence? Or could it be perhaps optimism? Are they sometimes delusional? Or do they simply have low expectations of themselves?

    In my view, the perception of personal success is neither an expression of stupidity nor of some kind of limitless self-belief. Rather, personal success is a product of self-love.

    Practicing deep self-love works on several fronts to guarantee your personal success. Firstly, it transforms your experience of who you actually are. And who you are is a divine being, perfection in all sorts of imperfect forms and shapes. As a result, your confidence and self-esteem go up, you become more optimistic and you start celebrating not only the big achievements but life in general. You see yourself as a success. Secondly, practicing self-love sends out a constant message to the universe: "I am worth it, please award me". And the Universe responds accordingly. You start attracting experiences and manifest achievements that reflect your worthiness.

    Now, is the road to self-love a difficult one? It is, if you say so. But it doesn't have to be. Start small by saying "I love myself". No matter how fake it sounds, be consistent with it and the message will eventually get through to your core. If you want to take the short-cut, choose a therapy that works directly on the subconscious. And get this: experiencing self-love is not only going to help you feel successful; it will also help you experience true love for another human being. You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first. Likewise, you can't be loved by other people until you can love yourself. So don't think that self-love is a selfish thing. Quite the contrary – learning to love yourself is actually the most altruistic act you could perform. If we all cultivate self-love, we will all be capable of loving others and feeling successful in life at the same time.

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    Source by Vyara Bridgeman

    Views: 0

  • Loving Yourself Can Heal Fear

    Loving Yourself Can Heal Fear

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    "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    I know from my own experiences that what Eleanor Roosevelt said in the above quote is very true.

    • I used to be scared to speak up for myself or speak my truth, and now I do it easily.
    • I used to be afraid of public speaking or doing radio or TV shows, and now I do these easily.
    • I used to be scared to be in my power, and now it's natural for me.
    • I used to be afraid of confrontation and conflict, and now I welcome these experiences in order to learn from them.
    • I used to be scared that if I opened to learning with my higher guidance, there would be nothing there, and now I know that I'm never alone and am always being guided.
    • I used to be afraid of my deeper painful feelings, and now I embrace them with love and compassion and allow them to move through me. I now know that I can lovingly manage them and that they won't overwhelm me.
    • I used to be afraid to write, and now writing flows easily.

    We can't talk ourselves out of fear, which is what our ego wounded-self tries to do. When we choose to operate as a loving adult with a strong motivation to love ourselves, then we don't put our inner child out there alone to do something we are afraid of doing.

    For example, when I first started public speaking and teaching – before Spirit brought us inner work – I was very scared of not knowing what to say or of forgetting what I wanted to say. I was scared that I would get so nervous that I wouldn't be able to talk. After I started to practice inner work, I realized that I had been putting my inner child out there to do the teaching. Of course she was scared! It was not a job for my inner child!

    Now, before I speak or teach or do a radio or TV show, I make sure to tell my inner child that this isn't her job – that it's the job of my loving adult allowing my higher self to speak through me. Instead of trying to control what I say, I surrender to my higher guidance and allow her to be the speaker and teacher.

    After doing this many times, the fear went away.

    Healing Fear Through Loving Yourself

    The more my inner child knows that I am here loving myself through fear, the safer she feels with things that used to feel very scary. Healing fear through loving myself means:

    • Consistently showing up as a loving adult so that my inner child doesn't feel alone with scary things.
    • Being willing to do the scary things over and over until the positive experiences become part of my neural pathways.
    • Letting my inner child know that it's okay to make mistakes and to fail, and that my worth and lovability are not attached to outcomes.
    • Valuing my willingness to try new and scary things so that my inner child feels valued for the effort rather than for the outcome.
    • Being compassionate rather than critical with my feelings when things don't turn out the way I want.
    • Letting go of having to know ahead of time whether or not something is best for me and being willing to trust what I want and the information I receive from my guidance regarding what is in my highest good – willing to go with the flow of life rather than trying to control it.

    I encourage you to start doing what you want to do rather than allowing fear to stop you, and see what happens!

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    Source by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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  • I’m Afraid My Husband Has Moved On And That It’s Too Late To Get Him Back: Insights That Might Help

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    I often hear from wives who want to know when it’s too late to get their husband back. Some tell me that, in their minds, it is too late because their husband has seemed to “move on.” I often hear comments like “We’ve been separated for six months. I think my husband has started seeing someone else. I’m starting to think that this is the end and that it’s too late for us. If someone has moved on, does that mean the end of the marriage?”

    Another example is something like: “My husband keeps telling me that we’re over and that it’s too late to do anything to save this marriage. Yesterday, he told me that he was moving on and that I should do the same thing. But I’m not sure how I can do this when it’s never going to be over for me. What can I do?”

    The common denominator in all of these questions and comments is that what the person asking really wants to know is when is it too late to save your marriage. Do you reach that “too late” point when your spouse tells you they have moved on? Do you have to take their word for it?

    Of course, I can’t definitively answer these questions for anyone because the answer depends on the specific people involved and the situation that they are in. But, I can offer you a perspective from my experiences and observations, which I’ll do in the following article.

    Sometimes, Couples Do Reconcile After One Of Them Has “Moved On”: If there’s anything that I know for sure in this situation, it’s that it is possible for things to change. Feelings change. Perceptions change. Situations change also. Just because someone is proclaiming or insisting something today, this doesn’t mean that they can’t do a complete about face tomorrow.

    I have seen divorced couples reconcile. I’ve seen couples who have been remarried to other people (sometimes for decent periods of time) decide to get back together. This doesn’t happen in every case, of course. But it most certainly can happen. Sometimes, there’s a change in circumstances which bring about a change of feelings. Other times, it happens spontaneously. But, much of the time, it’s part of a master plan meant to bring about small, gradual, and yet dramatic changes.

    Why Hanging On Too Tightly Can Sometimes Backfire: Wives in this situation often tell me that they just can not accept that it’s over or that he has moved on. I do understand this as I was in these shoes and I know how frustrating and painful this whole process can be. However, I can also tell you that I hear from husbands in this situation too and it’s my experience and opinion that clinging too tightly or “refusing” to accept what he’s telling you will often make him feel less loving or receptive toward you rather than more so.

    I know that it can be difficult to take step back or to pause when you’re so afraid that the second you do, he really will be gone. But sometimes, you just have to ask yourself if clinging so tightly has been working for you. Take a long look to see if your previous methods have really gained you anything.

    Sometimes, if you are honest and can maintain a little distance, you can see that actually, you’ve only been making things worse. It’s really important to ask yourself if the attempts you’ve been making have been bringing him closer to you or improving things or if they’ve been pushing him further away and deteriorating things. If this is the case, sometimes, you come to realize that trying something new isn’t as risky as it may have first appeared.

    Backing Off Or Taking Pause Is Not The Same As your Moving On: I sometimes have wives tell me things like: “maybe he’s moved on, but I will never be able to. I just can’t give up on our marriage or let go no matter what he says.” Another example is: “his moving on doesn’t mean that I have to.” All of these points are valid, but nothing says that you have to broadcast this to him. Because, when you’re asserting that you are absolutely not going to move on, then sometimes he will come to oppose you even more and think that he needs to ratchet up his efforts to change your mind. This of course, makes him move further away from you.

    So, there are times when you are better off just telling yourself that, although you know full well how you feel, you’re no longer going to keep repeating this to him when he already knows it anyway. There’s nothing wrong with appearing to back off when you know all along that your plan is to gain some ground. And, sometimes you need a pause to gain some perspective and calm.

    Taking time for yourself and taking a break from all of the drama can sometimes actually improve the situation. And sometimes, when you are suddenly silent or absent, your husband suddenly becomes interested again. This is what happened in my case, although it wasn’t by design.

    No matter which way you chose to go, it’s my experience that you are almost always better off if you are able to maintain your respect and dignity. You want to portray yourself in the strongest way possible and this often requires you to act “as if” when you just aren’t feeling it or aren’t all that confident. Sometimes, it helps to remember the person your husband loved once upon a time and to show him that person when the opportunity genuinely presents itself.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • How To Get Him To Make A Decision To Marry You In 30 Days

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    There is a way you can get him to marry you. You will understand and learn how and why certain things must be done to accomplish this. This method is fairly simple but it will take some courage on your part. It all depends on how badly you want to marry this man.

    Before we go any further, you need to make absolutely sure that this man is the one for you. You must be sure that this relationship is a good fit for you. Are your needs getting met? The simple fact that he has not married you, says that what he wants is more important than what you want. Don’t rationalize that your needs are not as important as his needs. That is a recipe for disaster. It is critical that you take some time to think seriously about this because there is no turning back.

    There is no such thing as a commitment phobic man who is afraid to commit. That is total hogwash. Do not accept any other excuses either. Because that is what it is, plain and simple, an excuse! He just doesn’t want to marry you and feels he has to give you some kind of reason. If you have made the mistake of moving in with him without at least an engagement ring, you are in a very frustrating and powerless position. He has no incentive to marry you because he is not gaining anything he doesn’t already have. If you are with him all the time and he knows you love him, he really doesn’t have anything to worry about. You need to change all this by being proactive instead of reacting to everything he does.

    These techniques work. They are time-tested and have worked down through the centuries. And this is why it is up to you to make sure that this is the right man for you. These techniques will not make him into a loving and kind man if he not already that when you marry him. So beware.

    What you need to do is absolutely make up your mind that this has gone on long enough and it is time he married you. If you truly believe this, he will sense you believe it too and that you really mean what you are saying to him. You need to tell him in a loving but firm manner that it is obvious that he will never marry you and that you have made up your mind that you are ready to find someone who will. Then you need to move out and not have any contact with him for 30 days, unless he is proposing marriage.

    You will be activating his fear of losing you and the life he has come to enjoy with you. This will cause him to do one of two things. One, he will ask you to marry him as he knows that is the only way he can maintain his life with you. Or, he will not respond and you will have your answer there as well, which will clearly reveal that he does not care enough to meet your needs. And do you really want a man like that? No.

    More than likely he will try to contact you repeatedly and will propose marriage or present you with an engagement ring. During this time you must not cave in. Remember that this is the only way you will get what you need. Congratulations! You had the courage to stand up for yourself and demand that your needs are as important as his.

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    Source by Betty L Nelson Adam

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  • How Do I Convince My Husband That I’ve Changed My Ways So He’ll Give Me A Second Chance?

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    It’s an awful feeling to be looking back on your marriage with negative hindsight. Sometimes, we don’t see things clearly enough until we’re faced with actually losing them for good. I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. Her husband had left her after finally becoming tired of her constantly bending the truth, not treating him in a respectful way, acting irresponsibly, and taking him for granted.

    She said, in part: “I was furious with my husband when he left me. I was mad that he would give up on our marriage without giving me any warning first. But after I began to think clearly, I realized that he did give me plenty of warnings but I wasn’t always paying attention. I spent the money that he mostly earned like crazy and put us heavily into debt. I would bend the truth about my activities so I could keep on doing exactly what he wanted. He worked hard while I had the fun. If he mentioned not being happy about this to me, I’d call him a stick in the mud or asked him if he was my father. I flirted with other guys and didn’t show him the respect he deserved. He was nothing but loving, loyal, and good to me, but I didn’t fully appreciate him until now. So now I’m at the point where I fully realize my mistakes and am committed to changing my ways. I’ve gotten a better job and have stopped the spending, lying, and partying. But when I tell him this, he looks at me with doubt in his eyes and doesn’t make any further attempts to see me. If he would only give me a second chance, I could and would prove to him that our marriage could be different. Will he give me that second chance? How can I make sure that he does?” I’ll try to answer these questions below.

    Usually, In Order For Your Husband To Give You And Your Marriage A Second Chance, Several Things Need To Happen All At Once: Over time, it became pretty obvious that this wife was sincere. It has been months since her husband had left. And, during that time, she had gotten a job, adjusted her thinking and her behavior, and really embraced a new way of life that the husband had been encouraging and calling for all along.

    The wife was frustrated that she’d made all of these changes and yet, despite her repeatedly detailing her mistakes and how she had changed them, her husband still had not been receptive enough to give her another chance or to come home. In fact, he’d started talking about divorce, which was especially upsetting to her.

    This wife didn’t understand that in order for your husband to give you a second chance or to be open to a reconciliation, several things need to happen, as follows:

    1. Your husband needs to completely believe that, not only have you really and truly changed, but that you understand why you acted the way that you did and are completely remorseful for it. He needs to believe that you now see the attributes in him that you missed before so that you won’t continue to take him for granted.

    2. Your husband needs to believe that the changes that you made are lasting and that you didn’t only “change” for his benefit. Many husbands suspect that as soon as he agrees to give you another chance or comes back home, you’ll eventually get comfortable again and resort back to your old ways so that he’s having to deal with the same behaviors over and over again without any escape.

    3. Once your husband believes that you’ve made lasting realizations and changes, then he has to perceive that continuing in a relationship or marriage with you is going to be better for him (or make him more happy) than to continue to be alone. Sure, he might believe that it’s possible that you’ve changed. But sometimes, he still feels that too much negativity has happened between you to really salvage the marriage. Or, he doubts if things can ever really “be the same” again.

    Identifying And Addressing Any Doubts That Your Husband Might Have About Giving You A Second Chance. Where Is His Reluctance And His Resistance Coming From? Admittedly, I didn’t personally know either the husband or the wife in this scenario. So, I couldn’t pinpoint which of the above 3 factors was keeping the husband from believing his wife or from giving her a second chance. But, if the wife truly observed the husband’s behaviors and listened to the clues he was likely offering her, then she should be able to figure out what truly stood in her way.

    Most of the time, this is a gradual process because you have to hang in there in order to keep going long enough to over come what is usually a husband’s considerable resistance and doubt. In truth, this couple had been married for years and yet the wife’s changes had only been around for a few months. The husband likely still had his doubts that the changes were sincere or were truly going to last. And he may have also had his doubts if the two of them could be happy again after he’d walked out on her and given up on the marriage.

    The best way to address these doubts was to just continue on with what she was doing and to give the process time to work. Because with time, the husband could likely see that she truly was sincere and absolutely meant what she said. It helps if you can somehow let your husband know that you are incorporating these changes even when he’s not watching you. If a mutual friend or family member comments about the changes in you without your being present, this can help.

    Here’s one more point that I would like to make. It’s entirely possible that the husband was slowing warming to the idea that his wife could change, but that he still had his doubts that the marriage could truly be a genuinely easy or happy one. The wife admitted to me that sometimes things were tense when they were together because she was frustrated that her plan didn’t seem to be working. This was something that needed to be avoided in the future.

    It’s vitally important that your husband sees you being light hearted, fun loving, and very easy to be around. The relationship and the conversations should be light and should not feel awkward or forced. I know that this sometimes takes some doing, but if every interaction feels or reads negatively, then this will often just reinforce the husband’s belief that the marriage is too far gone to save.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Using Reiki to Heal a Broken Heart

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    When dealing with heartbreak the widespread belief is that time will heal all wounds. Although this is most assuredly true, there is a way to accelerate the healing process to bring some much needed emotional relief. That way is Reiki! Reiki (pronounced Ray-Key) is a form of healing energy that was first discovered in Japan in the early part of the 20th century by Dr. Mikao Usui and was later brought to the United States in the 1950s. It is now beginning to become more main stream as an alternative treatment for healing and well-being and is an excellent way to speed up the healing of a broken heart.

    Reiki is gentle and non-invasive and has been shown to dissolve energetic blocks in the body which in turn allows the body to heal more rapidly. In his book, Reiki, the Healing Touch, William Lee Rand describes Reiki as being able to heal,”…by flowing through the affected parts of the energy field and charging them with positive energy. It raises the vibratory level of the energy field in and around the physical body where the negative thoughts and feelings are attached. This causes the negative energy to break apart and fall away. “

    Since Reiki works on both a physical and spiritual level, it offers extra support when one is going through a break-up. Reiki is administered by the Reiki practitioner placing his or her hands on the client and allowing the Reiki energy to flow through his or her palm chakras. The Reiki energy then enters the client’s body and dissolves blocks of energy it encounters thus harmonizing the body and spirit of the client. This in turn allows the client to more readily heal from emotional and spiritual trauma caused by the break-up.

    Many Reiki practitioners are also able to clear out and balance the chakras of their clients. Having a Reiki practitioner clear out and balance one’s heart chakra, specifically, during this delicate time will not only help one to become more loving and kind to oneself, but may also allow one to more quickly be able to trust and offer love in a future relationship.

    Reiki is a powerful yet simple holistic modality that everyone can benefit from and especially those dealing with a recent loss. If you feel that Reiki treatments are something you would like to pursue to assist in your healing process, you may find a local practitioner by doing an internet search of Reiki practitioners. However, not all practitioners are the same nor charge the same price and just because a practitioner charges a great deal for a treatment does not mean he or she is the best practitioner.

    It is best to do a thorough investigation of all practitioners you find in the area and compare not only prices and services offered but to also call a few practitioners to ask questions about his or her practice. This way you will get a better feel for each practitioner as an individual and can decide on whom you intuitively feel best about booking time with for your first appointment.

    In most cases, after just your first session, you will begin to feel much better both physically and emotionally. The most common experience among Reiki clients is a feeling of deep relaxation and well-being during and after a Reiki treatment with the more profound healing results being noticed after a few sessions.

    Reiki is an excellent way to speed up your emotional healing and I highly recommend it to anyone experiencing any type of heartache.

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    Source by Nancy Fowler

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Heal Your Sexual Abuse Issues

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    Have you ever experienced sexual abuse? Do you know that the negative experience you had may still be affecting you in the present?

    In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that many women, and even some men, experienced sexual abuse. As I counseled the clients, they became aware of the negative decisions they had made from their sexual exploitation. In fact, many years later those painful thoughts were still affecting their lives in negative ways.

    Some of the symptoms that it still influenced their lives were low self-esteem, avoiding dating, struggling in their relationships, not enjoying their sexuality, hiding their physical beauty, shyness, and doing everything to please others.

    I included 14 hurtful thoughts that caused the above symptoms that I heard from many of the clients of all ages. Can you relate to any of them?

    14 Negative decisions based on sexual abuse include:

    1) I feel shame.

    2) I am bad and dirty.

    3) I am not safe in the world.

    4) I can’t trust men not to hurt me.

    5) My parent or parents betrayed me because they did not protect me.

    6) I can’t trust people I love to be there for me.

    7) I should have stopped it.

    8) Sex is painful, dirty and wrong.

    9) Men want me only for my body.

    10) I feel guilty because it felt good.

    11) I feel different than others; I am an outsider.

    12) I have to hide my secret so people do not judge me.

    13) I have to do what others want me to or I am not safe or loved.

    14) It is not safe for me to get attention from men.

    For example, Susan was molested by her father. As a result, she hated men and that affected all her relationships with the opposite sex. She also was very cute, free- spirited and loving as a child and that is when her father started to molest her. Her decision was many of the above negative beliefs, as well as it is not safe to be free, happy and shine. She just did what people wanted to stay safe. Her self-esteem was very low and that affected her social interactions and professional success. To stuff her pain, she overate and was obese.

    Her mother knew but did nothing to protect Susan. (Mothers often cannot deal with the rejection so they deny it, and may also be afraid of their partners.) To help Susan, I suggested that she imagine her mother in front of her and say, “You did the best you could with the information you had, I forgive you.”

    Then I helped Susan release the other negative thoughts based on her negative experiences, and she felt much better, began speaking up for herself, and her relationship improved.

    By the way, sexual abuse is one major cause of weight issues. Nancy told me that whenever she was thin, men made sexual comments and she did not feel safe. The weight is her wall of protection. “Helene, she said, “I have to make myself unattractive with my unattractive hairstyle, baggy clothes, and fat, for the men to leave me alone!”

    Can you relate to Susan or Nancy? If you do, it would be very beneficial to release those hurtful decisions, so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy life.

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    Source by Helene Rothschild

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  • What Is a Relationship Mission Statement

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    RELATIONSHIP VISION

    Aligning values in relationships is a good thing to do intentionally. Think about how most people go through relationships. Does one person give up important values for the other? Is there conflict in the relationship? These things usually happen when values and beliefs aren’t talked about and don’t align with each other. Most conflicts in any relationship is due to differing values or beliefs. After all if we all agreed on what is most important there would be no need to argue. A Relationship Mission Statement can help!

    WE ALL COME FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS

    Think about how you grew up, your environment, money, food, school and so many other things. Did you partner grow up the same? Did your parents teach you different lessons regarding TV, meals, religion, or friends then you partner? We all bring expectations into our relationships but most likely they aren’t the same for each of us. So why do we think things are supposed to magically work out without talking about it, creating goals, or aligning values. Eventually if the bumps can’t be smoothed out then couples tend to search for someone like me. This is not a bad thing, seeing a professional can be incredibly helpful and restore the peace and longevity of your relationship.

    CHECKING IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

    For now let me provide you a simple way to check in with each other, communicate, and look at the future. Creating a Relationship Vision is a simple and helpful tool. It doesn’t take much time and can really target the lasting happiness of your relationship.

    A few steps to creating a Relationship Vision Sit down by yourself for about 30 minutes. Remember it doesn’t have to be done in one day.

    SIMPLE STEPS TO FOLLOW

    1. Go for the positive

    When brainstorming phrase things in a positive manner. For example instead of saying “we don’t argue” say “we will settle things calmly and peacefully” or “we trust each other” instead of “we won’t be jealous”.

    2. Write down your non-negotiables and desires

    Write down your “must-haves” such as “we will parent together” or “exercise is important” or “we will communicate openly and respect each other’s perspective”. You could also write things like, “going outside of our union is non negotiable”, “monogamy is of the utmost importance “, “attending church is a priority”, “traveling and experiencing the world with my partner is a high priority.” Make sure it’s not a laundry list for your partner, i.e. he mows the lawn and she does the laundry.

    3. Explore several areas of a relationship

    Since we have a multifaceted life it is important to address as many of these as you feel necessary. Expressing wants, desires, and values with sex, finances, lifestyle, parenting, career in-laws, leisure time and education are just a few of the things you may want to consider in You Relationship Vision. Answer questions about these topics such as what do I enjoy in my free time? How important are finances? Do I want to work full time? Do I need a 401k? What about insurance? Does my job need to provide this? What percentage or amount of time do we spend with in-laws? How do we allow them to interact with the children? Is sex satisfying? Do we want to explore new sexual ideals? Do the answers align with my values?

    4. Come together

    Come together as a couple and discuss the things you agree on first. Then Discuss what is negotiable and create short sentences expressing what is important to both of you. Leave the things that you don’t agree on for last. See if you can compromise on these issues if not this is where someone like me comes in. Having a professional help couples work through the hard stuff is helpful and will benefit your relationship for a lifetime.

    5. Come up with your statement.

    It doesn’t have to be long, complicated or directive. As a matter of practicality it’s better to make it succinct, covering the overarching theme of your intentions for your relationship.

    Examples

    We are co-creators of our lives, sharing a desire to love and be loved unconditionally, by consciously determining our behaviors and the outcomes we wish for ourselves and our family. We value respect, trust, non-judgment and self-control. We bring our best selves to this union, casting out destructive, egocentric motivations so that we may achieve the most positive and loving lifestyle we are capable of.

    We agree to always love and cherish each other and recognize how fortunate we both are; each of us consider ourselves the ‘lucky one.’ We build a healthy lifestyle together, where we support each other in getting exercise, eating well, having fun, resting and relaxing. We make all important decisions together, as a team. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We confide in each other and feel safe in each other’s care.

    We’re together to build a loving family and teach our children about healthy relationships. We create a sense of stability by having some routine but also make time for fun and spontaneity. We don’t intentionally hurt each other, but recognize we still do – and so we quickly and readily apologize. We take care of each other.

    6. Schedule a time

    Weekly, monthly, quarterly or whatever works for you, but make sure you come together to gauge if you are on track. This is the best way to ensure you both get your needs met and can address it if you’ve gotten off track. This will also provide space for growth. Since nothing in life stays the same, people, situations, events, or relationships, this provides room to renegotiate, change your Relationship Vision as the both of you change.

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    Source by Roxanna Teeling

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  • Can Animals Get PTSD? Yes! Animal Communication and Energy Healing Can Help

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    Today, many rescued animals experience PTSD. They need help to heal before they can integrate into your family. Animal Communication and Energy Healing are two powerful tools to assist them.

    Why do so many animals experience trauma today?

    Many of the reasons are similar to those experiences that can cause PTSD in humans.

    ~~ Too early separation from the mother dog, cat, or horse, for whatever reason.

    ~~ Separation from their human family due to hurricanes, storms, flooding, fires, earthquakes, and other weather or earth-changing event in which people and their animals can become separated.

    ~~ Being shuffled from one rescue place to another in the genuinely loving effort to find the rescued animal a new home.

    ~~ Traumatic loss because the family is no longer able to keep the animal due to financial and/or health changes.

    ~~ When animals are dropped off at shelters or abandoned without explanation, they are confused, scared, hurt, angry, grieving, and afraid – just to name a few emotions that come up for them.

    ~~ When the shelter is one that kills animals after so many days, the animals know they might be killed, and the spirits of other animals killed there may be lingering, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

    This is not a complete list, but this list illustrates that one or more of these experiences may make integrating into a new loving family a challenge for the animal you’ve so lovingly adopted.

    The good news is that animals can recover from PTSD.

    When you adopt an animal from a rescue facility, you may not realize immediately that the animal is having difficulty adjusting.

    I’ve had clients ask for my assistance after struggling for a year or more to connect with a cat or dog or horse who has experienced a traumatic event.

    These clients are good, kind, loving, nurturing people who have tried everything they can think of to help their new animal companion adjust. Often they have been pouring love to an animal who is not open to receiving it.

    Of course, the sooner you ask for assistance, the sooner you and the animal will begin to build trust and open a loving connection between you.

    When an animal is emotionally shut down, afraid of experiencing yet another loss, and/or distrustful that this will be their “forever” home, something else must be added to the equation to assist them.

    Whatever history you have about the animal is also a very important piece of the puzzle.

    Using my Animal Communication and energy healing skills, I can offer you and your new companion special assistance.

    Over several sessions, I am able to establish a rapport with an animal who is very shut down.

    It can actually help me connect with them because I’m not physically present.

    Working from a distance, I can easily make a telepathic connection, which some animals experience as less intrusive than a human stranger being physically in the animal’s space.

    Furthermore, telepathically and energetically…

    ~~ I can feel what the animal is feeling because I’m a strong emotional empath.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal has a huge wall around themselves, or just needs some additional reassurance.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal is distrustful and can suggest ways of building trust.

    ~~ I can often feel if the animal is hiding something or lying to me and/or to themselves.

    ~~ I can ask other animals in your family for any insights they want to share, assuming they have already met the new family member. These often prove to be of immense value in understanding what’s going on with an animal who is too closed down to share very much.

    ~~ I can scan the animal energetically, with the animal’s permission, to pick up energy patterns in their auric field, chakras, and physical body.

    Once we have a better understanding of what’s going on for that animal, we together develop a plan of action.

    ~~ Sometimes Flower Essences are a good way to start. I am able to suggest appropriate essences to assist you and your animal companion(s).

    ~~ As a Certified Practitioner of The Emotion Code™, developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson, I know what a valuable tool this is for assisting an animal with PTSD. (This system has also been shown to be effective with humans.) Releasing emotional blocks and reducing or eliminating walls around their hearts will bring about huge healing shifts.

    ~~ As a Certified Multidimensional Healer, I work with healing teams from Source to remove the energy patterns of trauma, repair chakras and other damaged areas, assist the animal’s bodies to rebalance, and bring the animal into a space of harmony, peace, and openness to their new life circumstances.

    ~~ I may also refer you to other practitioners who offer many other alternative services that will assist the animal, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, Theta Healing, and basic training for dogs and horses.

    Having a “plan of action” helps you and the animal know what next steps to take and have a sense that there truly is hope of healing the animal and the entire situation.

    Have you recently brought home a new animal or are planning to adopt from a rescue place?

    If so, keep in mind that while coming to your home is the best thing for this animal, in some cases you many need to take some extra steps to help the animal integrate and become part of your loving family.

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    Source by Nedda Wittels

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