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Relationship Secrets – How to Stay Happy

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You found that someone special. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person. You know that being able to spend the rest of your life together is your idea of bliss. But we all know there are no guarantees in life. So, how can you make sure you both stay happy, each with the other? What are the secrets to staying happy and content in your relationship? This article provides five relationship secrets to keeping your relationship amazing.

Relationship Secret #1: Quality Couple Time

One of the greatest secrets in keeping a relationship healthy and strong is to spend quality time together, doing the things you both love together. That might mean a quiet evening at home. It might mean going ballroom dancing. It might mean dinner and a movie. The more quality time you have together, the more warm loving memories you co-create. The more warm loving memories you both share, the stronger your relationship will be.

Relationship Secret #2: Communicate Openly with Genuine Concern, Each for the Other

Perhaps the most important relationship secret is the imperative for both members of a couple to dialogue openly with one another, each with a genuine concern for the feelings, wishes, needs and desires of the other. You may not always agree with each other, but when you dialogue with a genuine concern for one another, you will always find that mutually agreeable way forward. And, in so doing, you will both co-create a strong foundation for a lifetime of happiness together.

Relationship Secret #3: Keep Your Partner ‘Safe’

An extension of the second relationship secret, is to keep your partner ‘safe’. This means that when you are both with family and friends, you take a united stand with your life partner. Similarly, if they are going through a difficult situation, you let your partner know that you will always be there for them. It might be as simple as giving them a hug and standing right beside them if/when they have to face a previous partner.

Relationship Secret #4: Make Each Other Your GO TO Person

This relationship secret builds on the second and third ones. When you create an environment of open dialogue, and you both feel ‘safe’, you will become each other’s GO TO person when there are personal or professional problems to address. Each time you seek each other’s help with a problem, you strengthen your coupledom bond even further. On the receiving side of the equation, you feel your partner’s love. On the giving side of the equation, you experience the joy in being able to help your partner through a tough problem.

Relationship Secret #5: Do Things Just Because Your Partner Will Love It

Finally, you will make your life partner’s day when you do things for them, simply because you know how much your partner will love it. You can be really creative in finding more ways to put a delighted smile on your partner’s face.

And when you do things because you know how much your partner will love it, you may be delighted to find that your life partner will spontaneously do something special for you too. This is not a case of quid pro quo. Instead, it is a matter of doing something special for your partner because you enjoy seeing the delighted smile on your partner’s face. In turn, your partner will want to do something equally special to see the delighted smile on your face.

These five secrets are very powerful. And yet, they are just the beginning. The longer you have been part of a couple, the more skilled you both become in nurturing one another’s happiness. So, start with these five secrets, be creative and go from there. Your relationship will be better for it.

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Source by Dr. Rachel Abramson, Ph.D

Views: 0

November 12, 2022
Selecting the Character's Emotion

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The last article covered the process used in selecting and portraying the character's objective. Many of the same principles also apply to the selection of the emotions. As with the objective, the ability to choose and convey strong emotions is a valuable tool for the actor. Many performances work mainly because of the powerful emotional portrayals.

In a dramatic sense, what are emotions and how do they affect the audience? Emotions, together with intentions and obstacles, are the forces that move the characters through the story. They are feelings so powerful that they can change the character's life or destroy it. And by destroy, I mean decimate one's inner powers, beliefs, even one's life. For the actor, such feelings must be larger than life. They must also be readable to stir and lead the audience in the desired story direction.

Emotions affect the audience in many ways. Most important is the empathy they create causing the audience to care about certain characters and follow their struggles. They likewise, create a for or against polarity for each main character as the audience observes, evaluates, judges, and even takes sides. As part of the behavior, emotions create deeper awareness of the character, often justifying their actions. In addition, emotions can change the audience perspective and the way they feel or think about a given issue. They are instrumental in leading the audience in the desired story direction

Like the intention, the emotion can intensify the conflict within or between characters. It can likewise, establish sympathetic or antagonistic roles, ones that make the audience root for the hero and boo the villain.

In choosing the emotion, the guidelines are similar to those used in selecting the objective. First read and study the entire play. Look for clues in the dialogue, the action, the stage directions, and in the resolution of the story. Select choices that result in the story line making sense.

Like the intent of the character, the emotion is derived from the character's viewpoint, what the character knows and feels up to that point in the story.

No one lives in a realistic world. We occupy a space of our own creation – bits and pieces of actuality mixed together with our internal perceptions, our hopes, our fears, our memories, and our anticipations. This "reality" we live in – half fact, half fantasy – is as much the product of our emotions as our rationality. Thus, in any given situation, what might be an acceptable intention and emotion for one character might be a contradiction for another character. Knowing the character's goals, flaws, and inclinations in context of the total story will aid in determining these choices.

Next, we need to answer the question, does the character's emotion assist the intention or does the emotion create an obstacle? Placing the objective, what the character wants, in conflict with what he or she feels will likely shift the focus of the scene to the character with the greater internal struggle.

Let's use the example where a man is at a dance and sees the women of his dreams sitting alone. His intention might be: To get to know her. But his emotion, fear of being rejected, would be in conflict with his intention. Thus the focus of the scene would be primarily on his internal struggle and the purpose of the scene might be to show the man overcoming his fear.

But let's say her intention, to marry rich, is assisted by the emotion, ambition. And the scene resolves when the women walks away when she discovers the man is dirt poor. If his initial emotion of fear were replaced by desire and his intention remained to get to know her then the focus of the scene would center more on the relationship and the impending discovery. The purpose of the scene could be to introduce his major obstacle in the story, the women, along with his over all goal: To win her love.

The initial choices for each character might look like this:

MAN

Objective: To get to know her

Emotion: Fear / Desire

WOMAN

Objective: To marry rich

Emotion: Ambition

The above choices set up confrontations, the inner doubts of the man, and then, his desire for her is countered by the revelation that he's not rich enough for her. After the woman learns this, her emotion changes to contempt for the man and she walks away. The characters' choices would now change to:

MAN

Objective: To win her love

Emotion: Determination

WOMAN

Objective: To marry rich

Emotion: Contempt (for the man)

These choices place the focus of the scene on the major conflict that is resolved later in the story when he wins her love. It, likewise, centers on what's important, the relationship.

As with the intention of the characters, the emotion need not follow the logic of the dialogue and action. Modern plays and movies do not always express the thoughts and emotions of the characters clearly, nakedly, up front. Today, we have to play the duality of people; playing what they appear to want against what they really want. And sometimes the two may have no connection what so ever.

In modern plays, every character has two behaviors. What is really going on and what they are willing to show to the world? So many emotions, to be played properly, need to be partially masked or repressed.

Using the man and woman from our earlier example, let's set up a scene later in the story, one that demonstrates the duality of the characters and uses of partially masked or repressed emotions. At a shopping mall, they meet by chance and their dialogue is mainly small talk. The scene ends with each alluding to errands undone. The only hint about what is really going on is found in the following script action lines:

He rarely looks directly at her.

They shake hands, each holding on longer than necessary, and then each goes their way.

In view of the story's final outcome, this is likely a scene where her objective, to marry rich, is weakening, and that she has some attraction for the man. Based on how their first meeting resolved, their selections might be as follows:

MAN

Objective: To not upset her / To win her love

Emotion: Desire / Determination

WOMAN

Objective: To show him I don't care / To make him want me

Emotion: Determination / Curiosity

This would be a scene where the characters are not open with each other, yet the audience (or camera) is aware of the inner conflicts and what's really happening. The behavior could best be reflected through masked and / or repressed emotions.

If the man were to play his emotion of desire openly, he would surely upset her. So he has to repress it or use a mask technique and unleash his desire when she is not looking at him. The woman is determined to show the man she doesn't care about him, but now he appears to have no desire for her. From her point of view, something has come to change the relationship and as a result, she alters both her objective and emotion.

His apparent disinterest makes her curious and her objective in now: To make him want me, like all men do. Her actions might be to get his attention, to entice him. But the problem is, he's not looking at her. How can she obtain what she wants? She uses the lingering handshake.

You can see where these choices create conflict both within and between the characters. They also create subtle shifts in behavior that move the story forward. Interest in the relationship is likewise increased because the audience is aware of something the characters are not. And as the scene ends, the audience has a pressing question: "What will happen the next time they meet?"

The foregoing example demonstrates one answer to the character's choices. These are, by no means, the best or only selections. In fact, the type of actor you are is also a consideration. If you were Jack Nicholson, your emotions might be different than if Arnold Schwarzenegger were he playing the same role. Each actor brings to the scene his or her own perspective and emotional latitudes. Furthermore, a scene played as a comedy versus one being played as a drama might result in different sets of emotions for the characters.

Here are some other factors that should be considered: Who are you in the story? What is the situation, and what is the relationship? For instance, if you were playing a love scene as a character that had little experience with the opposite sex, your emotion might be fear (fear of the unknown) rather than the expected desire or lust.

Now change the situation to your having a good dinner with your loving spouse. Your emotion would change to maybe contentment or joy. Now change the relationship to your having dinner with an important client. Your emotion might range from apprehension to ambition to greed. Who you are, the relationships, and the situation, all have a bearing on the emotion selected.

How many emotions can you use in a scene and how long do you play an emotion? As a general rule, work with only one dominant emotion in a scene – until something occurs to change it. These occurrences could be a change in the relationship, the situation, who you are, new information, overcoming obstacles, new obstacles, and succeeding or failing at one's intention. Any one of these events could have enough impact to motivate a change.

Most scenes have one dominant emotion running through them and while the actor may use subtle shadings of other emotions, that one feeling prevails – until something occurs to change it. If the actor were to change the emotion at each minor occurrence, the audience would question the character's integrity and loyalty to the cause for which he is fighting.

Too many changes cause the character to lose part of his identity. We become uncertain about who he is, what he's attempted in the past, or what he's after now. Credible characters are made up of consistent behavioral patterns. By that I mean, what has happened before will likely happen again should the same situation occur. There will, of course, be a few surprises, but for the most part, certain emotions will dominate each character's behavior as he or she progresses through the story.

So when you research and study the entire play, you will likely find certain emotions and emotional patterns repeated to reinforce the identity and commitment of the character. For instance, the repeated pattern of mischief – embarrassment – fear might be the dominant emotions for a small overly rambunctious boy. A young executive struggling with business ethics might have an emotion pattern of ambition – determination – greed – guilt. A woman in jeopardy might follow a curiosity-suspicion – fear – terror progression.

As you can see, certain emotions and their progressions make up a portion of the character. Also look for surprises where the emotion swings 180 degrees, ie, contentment to fear, desire to contempt, revenge to compassion.

When working on a play or scene, write down in the margin of the script your choices in objectives and emotions, where the changes occur, and the motivation for making the change. Beginning actors tend to be non-committal while experienced actors, however, take dramatic risks and commit themselves to their choices. By writing them down, you've made a major step to that commitment.

To aid in selecting the emotion, I've compiled discussions of root emotions , the primary forces in most scenes. These discussions explore the physical sensations, sources, forms, and dynamics of the most common root emotions. They will serve as a guide in stretching the clarity, strength, and polarity of your emotional repertoire.

This article has covered the basic skills used in the selection of dramatic emotions. Use these skills as tools to nurture and release the character's true feelings, to foster the isolation and control of emotional behaviors, and to achieve the desired strength (story importance), clarity (audience knowing / feeling it) and polarity (protagonist-antagonist orientations ).

Implementation of your selections is addressed in another article. This article will cover the various methods used to generate credible emotions.

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Source by Erik Sean McGiven

Views: 0

November 12, 2022
Grief And Loss Healing Actions – Not Unkept Promises

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When grief and loss smack you in the face – what do you do? There are five needed keys to help you heal your sorrow circumstance. It is vital to have a certain attitude and follow a proper beneficial path. The following five keys are essential enabling action solutions to help you reconcile your grieving, gain back your happiness – and again be engaged in a more fulfilling and wholesome life.

Key #1 Do What You Say You Will Do

“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”

~ Carl Jung

There have been times in life for each of us when we have not done what we said we were going to do. In retrospect perhaps the reason we didn’t doesn’t matter. Yet, now, in times of horrendous grief what you say you are going to do really matters. What you are in your new-you-grief-loss-circumstance is determined by what you say you will do. Choose carefully.

Key #2 Follow A Beneficial Path

At first a grief healing path may appear to be fully and permanently detoured. As stifling grief and loss happenings encompass your life. Hope and joy can temporarily disappear. Yet, happiness and joy are within your grasp. There really is a blue sky behind every dark ominous cloud of sorrow. Unwanted circumstances cause you to wonder about life and the future. Sorrow and loss situations can cause you to search for understanding, strength and will. As you wonder and search for new understanding you will discover a new purpose, a helpful path. Life’s detours provide you with meaningful innovative potential assistance. A beneficial solution healing path is essential to your wellbeing.

“The key to success, and to happiness, is being fully engaged in life – leading yourself with inspiration and committed action – setting your own fine and honorable example.”

~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can discover beneficial inspiration and an action path to follow. Every success experienced is dependent upon on your actions. Choose your path for hope and peace.

Key #3 Don’t Make Excuses

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.

~ George Washington Carver

Unwanted and annoying grief causes change. Often grief conditions can bring you feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty. Your healing journey is a grief reconciling expedition. Failing to take steps to disallow permanent mourning to remain can detour your healing efforts. An excuse only satisfies the one making an excuse.

No excuses – seize the moment – your challenge is to grow by establishing new harmony and reconciling your sorrowful circumstance. Now is the time to discover a new fulfillment in living and loving your life. Growth requires you to use your inner most potential to find new purpose and happiness. Consider how you can grow emotionally and spiritually. What specific actions can you put in place? Can you be more diligent in your efforts? Recognize that personal grief can provide avenues to inspire and lift you. Make a list of 3 things you can implement into your daily activities to inspire more direction and hope. Decide how you will use those 3 things to grow in happiness and hope now! Begin today!

Key #4 Make A Unwavering Commitment

The words: “If It Is To Be It Is Up To Me” ring true to life and your success in meeting challenges. Once you make a personal unwavering commitment to take specific actions you will become aware of potential possibilities and solutions to heal your grieving. Beneficial solutions will appear. You can discover the essential wisdom, strength, and insights if you seek them. You will discover immediate resources to help you overcome your loss and sorrow.

Key #5 Seek And Engage In All Beneficial Sources

Many will seize each moment of possibilities and opportunities. They will live their life to the fullest. Why don’t you? Today can be your new day. You can gain transformative insights to help reconcile your grieving. Seek healing sources and engage in all solutions beneficial to you. You can heal your grief and have new peace and hope. You can survive and thrive after grief and loss.

“When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that… [God] is able to make a way out of no way, and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t forget God as an additional inspiration and strength in healing your grief. For some – at the time of serious sorrow – the first place they turn is to their God. Others fail You can discover the essential wisdom, strength, and insights if you seek them. You will discover immediate resources to help you overcome your loss and sorrow. Commune with God nor do they seek additional inspiration and strength and help from their God.

Today ponder deeply what you can do to make your life happier and more joyful. Write down five actions you can take to contribute to your well-being. Always take into consideration any limitations you may have. Then realize you have within your grasp the power to say: “This I am today; that I will be tomorrow. Joy and happiness is within my reach.” Embrace all positive available social media, technology, internet, and all other beneficial and essential resource solutions.

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Source by Duane Marchant

Views: 1

November 12, 2022
How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

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I sometimes hear from wives who are fairly certain that their husband is going to leave them. Some of them just have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving out. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them concede that the marriage does have problems, but most don’t believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most of the wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that is left in the marriage, and try to salvage their family. The wife usually figures that if the love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes, the husband clues in on this, begins to pull away, and starts to make the wife worry that he no longer loves her in the way that he used to. So, she puts two and two together and starts to believe that if she can just make him “love her more,” then he won’t want to leave any longer.

She might say, “I can tell by the way that my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know that it’s not just my imagination – because, in the past, he has talked about moving out. First, he was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I am pretty sure that he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got ill, so he had to deal with that. At this point, I just want to make him love me more so that I don’t have to deal with this moving out threat every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that are going to discourage him from moving out. How do I increase his love for me so that he won’t want to move out?”

Why You Don’t Want To Let Any Hint Of Manipulation Into This Mix: This situation is so tricky on so many levels. First of all, the second that you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of both manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat annoyed, knowing that his wife is trying to “make” him do something is not going to bring about loving feelings. It is usually going to encourage him to do just the opposite – he might instead back away and retreat. Worse, he may then limit your access to him, which suddenly makes your job a lot harder.

Take Stock Of What Is Positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still in your home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would leave and would not let anything stop him – regardless of the holidays or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the timing or the details second. I’m not saying that he’s happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be dire just yet. You may still have time.

I know that your inclination right now is to panic and to pressure your husband more. These are the last things that you should do. Think about what attracted your husband to you initially. It probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to lay claim on him and to hold him in a tight grasp. No, it was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he talked and who expected the same from him.

Fixing What Is Fixable: One really good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often, it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that draws out the feelings within it. You can have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you are fighting. The very best thing that you can do is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to loving feelings and then remove what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that it drives your husband crazy when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can – and this is normally your behavior, not his.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
The Gay Solution (1): Finding a Loving Male Partner to Marry

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Sex without love wouldn't satisfy you for more than 15 minutes and love without sex wouldn't satisfy you at all. So how do you find both in the same man? That was the question I left you with in a previous article.

A friend of mine is a life-insurance broker. He always says that there is only one rule for survival in sales and that is see people, see people, and see people. It's a numbers game. Of all the people you are going to see only between 2 and 10% will buy from you, so the more you see, the better your sales. Meeting people is exactly the same; the more people you meet, the better your chance of meeting the right person. Luckily there are a few possibilities in meeting new people.

The older guys (read: even older than I am) tell us that they didn't have gay clubs, bars, or dating services so they had to refine their gaydar and flirting skills. The fact is that those skills are still just as valuable today as they were years ago. Another important skill is taking it one step at a time. Two types of guys never end up with a perfect match; those who fly off in a second, and those who never come out of the starting block. The guys that fly off are proposing marriage before they even know the other guy, and those in the starting blocks only stare evening in and evening out.

If you are a flyer you need to relax. Look for friends in stead of possible partners. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a guy who hits on you after he has tried everybody else on his way to your table. Friendly people have a few good friends, many acquaintances, and two or three possible people they might be interested in. Guys who try to fly into serious relationships have no friends, one or two acquaintances, and the whole city as possible people they are interested in. The important thing you should learn from this is that you start by meeting lots of people, you will find a few very good friends among them, and in time you will meet somebody you are really interested in. Flyers always run the risk of getting their heart broken on a weekly basis. You can never keep up with who they are in love with – it changes every time you see them, and every month or two they try you yet again. That is when you decide to ignore them completely.

The guys who never take off are almost in the same position. They see a possibility every night, but they are too scared to do anything about it. They look a bit weird if they stand in a corner ogling everybody so you ignore them as well. They have a few acquaintances that turns into friends because they normally end up in a group of seekers – waiting for something that never happens. If you are in such a group get out and start building your self-esteem. If you do not think that you are good enough as a partner, nobody else will believe in you either.

With that in your mind go back to the gay clubs, gay bars, dating sites, and the gay section of your local bookstore – start by making friends, being a good friend, and enjoying friendship for its own rewards. Stay away from the friend-zone – that is the ogling bunch in the corner. You will do fine.

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Source by Brand Doubell

Views: 0

July 28, 2022
Gay Marriage and Similarity With Legitimising Children Born Out of Wedlock

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It is not that long ago that children who were born to unwed parents were ostracised by society and illegitimate according to the law. The only thing they were responsible for was being born of parents whom religion targeted because their union was not 'sanctioned' by the Church. That type of baloney is no different to banning gay or transvestite people from legal recognition of their love for each other and a bonding relationship.

The Catholic Church uses marriage as a sacrament and is bitterly opposed to anything that weakens its grip over society. Established by Constantine, a Roman Caesar who is identified as 666 in Revelation 13: 12-18, the religion has used everything from violence to murder to maintain its position.

Thankfully people are waking up to its lies and the agenda it serves, but not quickly enough. It is based on the premise of heaven and hell as places of eternity after death. This is its greatest lie as no such places exist.

Professing to hold the 'keys to heaven' its rituals and laws are based on those of ancient Babylon and the Islamic religion, which developed in that city. Constantine was an Amorite, that is the nation who raided Italy and built Roma (reverse Amor).

He reinstated Mary, the Mother God of that city, as the Mother of God. Men marry 'Mary' to become priests, exactly as was practiced in that place. Jerome, who followed soon after, wrote the New Testament based on the laws, festivals, calendar, and rituals of Islam.

My research into the roots of Catholicism and, therefore, religion followed my reincarnation and knowledge that there is a Great Spirit of the Universe that controls all things. Nowhere in the bible is marriage mentioned and as the New Testament is fake anything in it is not and should not be of concern.

Just as people fought to be recognized as legitimate in the eyes of the law those who are gay or transvestite are fighting now a very similar battle. As a man in my last life and a female in this one it is something I understand all too well.

In my early life my body felt strange but the insight given to me showed that this was done for a reason. I missed the strength of being a man and have never been 'womanly' as such, although I am also not gay. It is time, therefore, to put all questions of equality to rest and to legalimise same-sex marriage. After all, what harm is it to anyone other than the Catholic Church?

If people want a ritual and to dress up in fancy clothes and have a party, then they should be allowed to do so. While there is no such thing now as an 'illegitimate' child, nor should there be prejudice and hate towards those who life their life in a loving relationship outside of what is considered the 'norm'.

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Source by Norma Holt

Views: 0

July 27, 2022
What Does It Mean To Love?

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Love Does Not Diminish

How do you define love or the experience of it? What is it like to experience yourself on an intimate level? I don’t mean physically but emotionally and spiritually? Some associate love with romantic feelings of butterflies in their stomach. They might talk about the sensations they feel when thinking about their beloved. But is love experienced through the mind, body or both? Is love a noun or a verb? How do we know if we have truly loved? What is the measure of having fully committed ourselves to love? I do not consider myself an expert on love nor a relationship coach. I am just as inquisitive as you are. What I know is: love demands nothing of us because it is an empty vessel to be filled. This is the analogy for life itself, where love is never wasted but recirculated.

Is love unconditional for you? Or does it come with requirements? What happens when those requirements are not met, do you withhold your love for another? Is it possible to withhold the essence of who we are? How can we stop water flowing in a river? You might say: build a damn. However, if the dam is not strong enough, the pressure of the water will find its way through or around it. You’ve no doubt seen tsunamis on TV where entire villages are engulfed by water. Water is a powerful metaphor for love because it can enrich a person’s life, yet it can also be destructive if it comes with conditions.

Do we need love in our lives? What does love offer us in return? Is it intimacy with ourselves or knowing others better? It was St Francis of Assisi who once said: “It is in giving that we receive.” He viewed love as something to be circulated in order to permeate our life and the lives of others. Love is like the Sun that gives of its energy and asks nothing in return because it is self-sustaining. The more we give love, the more of it we have. It begs the question: what happens when love is not reciprocated or the other person ceases to identify with love? If love is not returned, it does not diminish the other person’s capacity to give or receive it. The Sun goes down every evening and there is darkness for twelve hours. Yet, with the break of dawn, it re-emerges bringing energy to sustain life once more. It is a cycle sewn into the fabric of life and so it is with love.

Dare To Fully Express Love

When another person stops loving us, it does not mean we are unlovable. For you cannot stop the flow, it will naturally find expression in another form. Love is the antidote to fear, hatred and anger. It is the one true constant in our lives that is bestowed upon us from conception. We are born into love and leave this life knowing we will continue to love in the lifetimes that follow. The question is: have you dared to fully express love in this life? Have you given love freely and unconditionally? We ought to be like a sponge filled with water, totally wrung out when our time comes. We ought to fill our hearts with love and not withhold it for fear it won’t be reciprocated. Because every time we engage in love, it is magnified within every cell of our body. The more we give of ourselves, the more love expands within our hearts.

Knowing this, I invite you to contemplate your relationship with love over the coming days. Where are you withholding love in your life? How is this serving you? Does it bring a sense of safety, security or comfort? Are you willing to let down the barriers that impede the flow of love? Love needn’t be something expressed between two people but can reveal itself through our life’s purpose, our hobbies and our attitude. If you seek more love in your life, let go of the barriers that keep you safe from expressing it. See if you can find the place within you bursting with love and direct it towards something or someone. Love is a like bank account that compounds interest with each deposit made. Because if we truly want to know what it means to love, we must first experience it unreservedly while we have the chance.

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Source by Tony Fahkry

Views: 0

July 27, 2022
Two Relationship Killers
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Consider a primary relationship in your life where you love someone and they love you. This could be an intimate partnership, a child-parent relationship or a very close friendship. Here are the two things to avoid, if you want to make sure love is present at all times.

Relationship killer #1:

Firstly, you should never expect that because someone loves you, they need to sacrifice themselves for you and put your needs first. We often mistakenly think that the degree to which someone suffers is a testimony for the amount of love they have for us. Likewise, we mistakenly believe that if someone puts their needs first, they don’t love us. But that is not true at all. If I refuse to sacrifice myself for you, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It simply means I am clear on what works for me and what doesn’t, and I don’t mess with my own needs. Please don’t take this personal. I love you nonetheless, but I certainly don’t have to suffer in order to prove my love for you. Besides, if you doubt it, chances are no matter how much I suffer, you will never believe me anyway. Get this: your partner having fun while you are in hardship doesn’t mean they don’t love you. The people who love you don’t owe you any suffering on their part whenever things are not working out for you. So don’t be jealous when your loved one is out with friends while you are working hard or cooking alone at home. No one needs to put their own life on hold only because yours is (even when they truly love you!). Of course, you can ask for support. That’s perfectly reasonable. But asking someone to sacrifice themselves and to suffer so you can feel loved – that is totally unreasonable. And it is a sure relationship killer.

Relationship killer #2:

The other way to kill a relationship is by trying to prove your love for someone by sacrificing your own needs and suffering as a consequence. See, whenever you suffer, there is no real love to speak of. If you were doing something for someone because you wanted to and because you loved them unconditionally, you wouldn’t be suffering. But if you sacrifice yourself out of obligation and/or guilt, the unconditional love is gone and you are likely to expect something in return. In other words, you try to manipulate someone into loving you back by doing things for them which they then have to repay you for. Sadly enough, you are playing a game thinking you can control someone else’s feelings and buy their love. Of course, the result is just the opposite – you are slowly but surely killing the relationship. So stop that immediately by starting to put yourself and your needs first. Find your own truth and start honoring it. Understand that you are allowed to have a good time without feeling guilty when your partner does not want to or cannot participate. Of course, you can support them when they are feeling low. But you don’t have to suffer with them or else you will become resentful and kill the relationship as a result.

In conclusion:
- Love should be free – no attachments, no suffering, no trading of favors, and no feelings of obligation and guilt.
- Love should be independent – I love you and I put myself first; you love me and you put yourself first; we love each other and we honor our independent needs nonetheless.
- Love should be by choice – I love you how I want to, not how I feel have to.
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Source by Vyara Bridgeman

Views: 0
July 26, 2022
The Difference Between Good Success and Bad Success

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Do you desire to be a good success here on this beautiful earth?

Do you need the secrets that can ensure you record good successes in everything you do?

If you answer YES to these questions, then i believe you need to know the difference between good successes and bad successes

“This book of the Law shall not depart out

of your mouth, but you shall mediate therein

day and night that you may observe to do

according to all that is written therein: for

then you shall make your way prosperous,

and then you shall have good success” – Joshua 1: 8 (KJ2000).

The first time I read the above portion of the bible, I was inspired to understand that, there is a good success and a bad success.

Nothing support this fact other than the passage quoted above from the Scripture. The Word of God says if “you will hearken to the Voice of God, Obey His Commandments, Study and Meditate daily on His Word, you will have good success”.

The Word of God qualifies the noun “Success” with the adjective “good”. This simply means you will not have a bad success if you follow God’s rules during your success journey in life.

What then, are a good success and a bad success? How do you differentiate a good success from a bad success? How do you recognize someone with a bad success and someone with a good success?

Good Success

I have tried to carefully study the lives of people in the bible days and those of present times and I found out that there are actually some people with good successes.

I was able to reach a conclusion using my definition of success stated earlier on as a basis of analysis.

God

God Almighty enjoyed good success during the creation of heaven and the earth. He actually set the pace at creation, showing us how to obtain good successes in whatever we do.

“And God saw everything that He had

made, and behold, it was very good.

And the evening and the morning were

the sixth day.

-Gen 1:31 (KJ2000)

There were lots of obstacles which stared HIM in the face when HE was creating heaven and the earth but HE never allowed them to stop HIM.

“And the earth was without form and void and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters”

-Gen 1:2 (KJ2000)

Yes, even a formless earth and the darkness would not prevent Him from achieving His aim.

“Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:

and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,

and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

-Gen 1:26 (KJ2000)

He also transferred His “breath of Life” into Adam for him (Adam) to become a living soul.

What a loving and selfless God who strongly desired somebody to act like Him

There are countless numbers of people in the Bible who had good successes: Jesus, Moses, Apostle Paul, King David, Joseph, John the Baptist, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob all had good successes.

One thing is however, common with all these people and that is the fact that they fear God.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom:

and the knowledge of the Holy one is understanding.

-Prov 1:10 (KJ2000).

You can become a child of God by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior and begin to live a life that has the fear of God.

You can expect to record good number of good successes in your lifetime as you do this.

Bad Success

I may not need to bother you with the stories of people who recorded bad successes in the Bible or even in our societies today but you will observe with me that this set of people also have something in common – they lived a Godless life.

You can study the stories of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt when the Israelites were in bondage in Egypt.

Cain who killed his brother Abel (Gen 4:8)

Herod the king who ordered the killing of all new born babies when Jesus was born (matt 2:13-23)

Satan who fell from grace to grass because of pride (Luke 10:18)

Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus ( Matt 26:36-46)

These People all recorded bad successes. One thing is also common to these people: they lacked the fear of God.

My dear reader, I want to believe you desire to be a good success. You need the fear of God in you to be successful in all you do.

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Source by Sesan Oguntade

Views: 0

July 25, 2022
Love One Another (A Sermon on John 13: 31-35)
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We are in the 13th chapter of the Gospel according to St John's this week, and I'm going to unpack our reading verse by verse as it is a difficult passage.

"When he had gone out, Jesus said," Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. " (John 13:31)

The person who had 'gone out' was Judas, and the sentence seems to suggest that Judas' leaving somewhat brought glory to Jesus, which sounds really odd.

"If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once." (John 13:32)

I really have no idea where to begin with that statement!

"Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, 'Where I am going, you cannot come.'" (John 13:33 )

That statement makes sense to us as Jesus speaking about his own impending suffering and death, though at the time it made no sense at all to His disciples.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. "(John 13: 34-45)

That concluding pronouncement, I suspect, is the most difficult to understand of all!

"All you need is love!" – so said the Beatles.

When I read statements like these from the lips of Jesus, I can almost hear the soundtrack of that well-known Beatles song playing in the background.

"Love is all you need. Love is all you need …"

It's not true, of course. Love isn't all we need – not in relationships, not in families, not in governments.

We had an election yesterday. Did you vote for the most loving candidate? Should you have?

I tried to give some thought after reading this passage as to who the most loving candidate for electoral office was. It wasn't obvious.

It didn't take me long to come up with the names of politicians who were definitely NOT full of love and sweetness, but it seemed less obvious to me which candidates actually were.

Did the candidate who loves us the most win? Do we care?

In truth, in as much as we might say, "all we need is love" , I don't think we really care whether our political leaders love us, any more than we really care whether our boss at work truly loves us. Love is not all we need. A good capacity for management is probably far more important in cases like this than is love!

Love is not all we need in government or in families, and it's not even all we need in a system of morality! This might sound counterintuitive. Is not all of morality – all our statements about what is right and what is wrong – really an extension of that basic ideal of love?

Certainly, over the generations, scores of philosophers and other great thinkers have suggested that all of our moral intuitions can be reduced to one simple exhortation – if not 'to love' exactly, to something very akin to that.

The British philosopher, John Stuart Mill, saw all of morality as a system of increasing pleasure for people and reducing harm. He is probably best remembered for his 'harm principle' :

"That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others."

I have a feeling that if you'd asked Mill what the essence of morality was, he might not have said 'love one another' , but might well have said 'don't' harm one another ' , which is pretty similar.

Likewise, the great 18th century German philosopher, Immanuel Kant, believed that morality could be reduced to a single maxim – the 'categorical imperative' :

"Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law."

That's always sounded to me like a really complex way of saying 'love your neighbor as you would love yourself " , which, of course, was Jesus' 'golden rule' that many people see as being His one-line summary of the moral law , along with the first and great commandment, of course, that you have to love God:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. " (Matthew 22: 37-40)

We are familiar with these commandments. We hear them every week in church, and they do seem to suggest that everything in the law of God comes down to love, and that the rest is just commentary.

Is that really what Jesus was saying? St Augustine thought so, and in my previous sermons on these passages, I have suggested exactly that – that there is really only one law of God – that we love – and that the rest is just application. My more recent reading though has suggested that it's actually a lot more complicated than that, at least if Jesus really was being true to His Hebraic tradition.

The Hebraic law centers around the Ten Commandments – the ten words of God to the people of Israel – and while it seems straightforward to see commandments like "thou shalt not steal" and "thou shalt not murder" as being extensions of the commandment to love , other commandments like "honor thy father and thy mother" do not seem to be so easily reducible. Honoring your father and your mother seems to be more about respecting authority than it is about love .

I've been reading a very interesting book lately by moral psychologist, Jonathan Haidt, called "the Righteous Mind" , in which he outlines what he calls 'moral foundation theory' .

I'm not suggesting that everyone should rush out to get a copy of this book. It is not an easy read and could prove difficult if you don't have an academic background in the study of philosophical ethics (which, thankfully, I do).

The author's key point, at any rate, is that our moral intuitions can't be reduced to any one simple maxim such as 'love one another' as morality is invariably more complex than that.

Haidt suggests that there are five reasonably independent dimensions to our moral awareness, and 'caring' for others is just one of those dimensions. The others are:
- Fairness (which is all about justice, rewards and punishments)
- Loyalty (which is associated with values such as faithfulness and patriotism )
- Authority (where you honor your father and your mother, king and country)
- Sanctity (which involves respecting your body and potentially embracing things like chastity, temperance and cleanliness)
Forgive me if I'm now sounding more dry and esoteric than the book I mentioned. My point is actually a simple one – that 'all you need is love' is both simplistic and inadequate. We don't only need love – not if we are going to be successful in our relationships or in all of life. We actually need a lot of things – courage, self-discipline, wisdom, nurture and support and a good education, and more!

Of course, Jesus didn't say "love is all you need". That was ' The Beatles' . What Jesus did say was "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" . In other words, Jesus didn't say that love is all we need to live a full and productive life. What He said was that it was all we needed in order to show the world that we are His disciples. That might sound like much the same thing but it's actually quite distinct.

The life of love is not a strategy for success, despite what any number of tele-evangelists might have told you. Indeed, if it's right to consider it a strategy at all, the life of love could only be a strategy for getting yourself killed. That's certainly how it worked for Jesus.

I'm sure I've mentioned before that friend who said to me "I'm sick of hearing people tell me about all the problems they had before they met Jesus and how He solved them all for them. till I met Jesus! "

That's difficult to hear, I think. We don't want to think of Jesus as the one who leads us down a path of suffering and misery. We want to think of Jesus as one who elevates us to heavenly places.

Isn't that what religion is for after all? Isn't good religion supposed to benefit our lives and help us live more fully and peacefully with a great sense of purpose and fulfillment? Surely, it's not just about suffering in this world so that we can enjoy a better life in the next? Surely there's more to it than that?

I don't think Jesus is saying that discipleship is all about suffering any more than it is all about success. Discipleship, Jesus says, is all about love, and everything else depends on what Jesus means by love .

Jesus says His command to love is a new commandment, and that's a surprise. Certainly, the commandment to love is as old as the Scriptures themselves, so it must be the latter part of the commandment – to love one another ' as I have loved you' – that makes it new.

When we hear those words, I suspect most of us immediately think of the cross and Jesus laying down his life for us. That makes sense, and indeed the same Gospel writer, John, writes in his first letter "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (1 John 3:16). Even so, without wanting to press the issue of the timeline too heavily, the exhortation we have in today's Gospel reading -to love one another "as I have loved you" happens before the cross, suggesting that the model on view here may not be the death of Jesus but the life of Jesus!

Further, as noted, today's reading begins with a reference to Judas – "when he had gone out" – and Jesus' exhortation to love each other as He has loved us comes immediately before the two terrible betrayals from disciples whom Jesus had just broken bread with and whose feet Jesus had just washed – the one betrayal being from Judas, of course, and the other one being from dear Peter!

Jesus loved Peter, was betrayed by Peter, and would eventually be reconciled with Peter. Jesus loved Judas but would never be reconciled with him. Even perfect love does not guarantee a perfect ending to the story. Even so, love anyway – that's the new commandment .

Yes, "greater love has no one than this – to lay down one's life for their friends" (John 15: 3). That is true, and bodily self-sacrifice is indeed the ultimate example of love, but most of the time love is not so grandiose and (thankfully) not quite so painful. The far more common (and in some ways more difficult) labor of love is the ongoing work of having to forgive those who fail us, and sometimes fail us very badly.

This, I believe, is the love by which everyone will now that we are His disciples – it's the love that breaks bread with those who betray us and that washes the feet of those who turn their backs on us. It's the love that finds its ultimate inspiration in the sacrificial death of Christ on the cross, but which likewise finds daily encouragement in the simple acts of grace shown by Jesus towards those whom He knew would radically fail Him.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. "(John 13: 34-45)

It's not a strategy for success. It's not a means to a better life or more successful relationships. It's just the way that we demonstrate to the world that we are followers of Jesus. We break bread, we wash feet, we empathise, we forgive. We love one another just as He loved us.

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Source by David B. Smith

Views: 0
July 25, 2022