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Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

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Abstract:

Putting on a good show, keeping face, professionalism in customer treatment can all be examples of emotional labour. When in the workplace dealing with others whether they be colleagues or customers we tend to give a positive emotional response despite the negativity of the other person (customer complaint) or our own current mood state (sadness, irritability) known as emotional dissonance. In this paper we will explore the phenomenon of emotional labour and its effect on workers productivity and social relations. The general outcome being that the strain of that dissonance creates mental health problems in the workplace.

Introduction:

Emotional labour can be seen as the affect of the current mood of a worker whilst engaging in interactions with others – putting on a good face for example despite feeling emotionally uncomfortable. (1. Robins/Judge 2013) These emotions can be driven by organisational expectations of an employees behaviour towards customers, clients and co-workers in support of the business goals to profit. For example in the service industry, customer complaints should be handled with a polite professional smiling attitude so that the customer perceives that their complaints are receiving serious attention. Despite the fact the service provider (customer relations officer) maybe be in a personal bad mood, have life problems or employment concerns – all this is swept aside to provide the company’s public positive image to the customer. For the employee engaged in such activities the strain of appearing positive and enthusiastic may cause both physical and emotional strain often leading to further deterioration in mood after work and in between assignments. You could argue that a good deal of the time we are in fact faking our emotions (feelings) in front of and towards others to support social conventions for example being polite. If a customer’s complaint is unreasonable, they are showing anger, accusing the company or misleading them and selling shoddy products – the company service support worker must maintain control over their own emotions despite feeling that the customer is wrong and the complaint is unwarranted or even ridiculous they still have to maintain the company driven reaction to the customer with calm professionalism. (2. Myler – Case Studies 2018) Some companies make being happy at work almost mandatory – where staff entertain, create an atmosphere or encourage excitement over the product and its associated feelings of happiness. For example, theme park staff forced to smile all day – try it yourself – it is very stressful to keep a happy demeanor in the face of disgruntled visitors waiting hours in a queue for a five minute ride or the phone shop worker being asked to entertain the queue of waiting customers with hi-fives and silly games. (3. Grandey et.al. 2010) Many customers in fact reporting discomfort at being targeted for unwanted attention and interaction). Therefore there is a difference between felt emotions (what I am actually thinking and feeling) than with displayed emotions (what is expected of me). After an interaction the employee can feel both exhausted by the forced situation and emotionally angry at faking their feelings for the benefit of others. Many people who suffer from depression report that faking happiness is the biggest strain of the day.

Culture and Emotional Labour

Culture may impact on how someone sees emotional labour as the expectations of others in the light of social comparison. (4. Matsumoto etal. 2009) For example many American service jobs, such as retail staff, service providers and customer interaction workers all feel that a positive upbeat smiling enthusiastic person is a definite requirement for the companies image management. The monocor – have a nice day – often rings false in the ears of those who understand this is not a genuine sentiment but a practiced social grace. In other cultures such as Japan or Asia in general – forced politeness or deference to not displaying emotions may in fact cause particular strain on everyday life where displaced emotion can be seen in acts of violence and sexual deviance. The French tend to not display openness in dealing with customers but in fact a non-smiling or even impolite attitudes towards their clients. This can cause companies dealing in global markets problems with staff in having to adapt and understand policy in line with the cultural underlying expectations of behaviour.

Mental Health

Many psychologists, counsellors and others such as nurses encounter patients (clients) who maybe presenting mental health problems such as anxiety (worry about future events) or depression (living with the past) that report difficulties in the work place in faking their emotions towards both colleagues and customers – that they feel the strain of the day at home later through irritability, sexual indifference a lack of appetite and sleep. Keeping up appearances at work therefore effects the very quality of our lives both in and out of the work place. (5. Myler Case Studies 2018) Dealing with difficult people whether customers or colleagues leaves us feeling exhausted physically and mentally. In therapy the psychologist maybe searching for psycho-dynamic reasons for the negative feelings from past patterns of behaviour and often miss the power of the here and now effect of faking your feelings at work simply due to enforced company policies that require us to present an image of well- being and happiness that actually is not there. Treatment therefore should focus on workplace stress rather than personal history.

Role Play & Emotional Labour:

Of course we are schooled from an early age in how to act given certain social situations, for example being happy at a birthday party ( don’t spoil it for everyone) to look sad at the funeral (even when we did not even like the deceased). We have learned behavior for situational displays of affect. Have you ever been told off – criticised – looked at the person with a smile on your face – and they say, “what are you smiling at?” they think you are not taking them seriously enough, acknowledging their concerns – the truth maybe that we think their remarks are unwarranted and silly – however our learned correct response is to – look serious and be intently listening – while all the time inside feeling what an idiot this person is! In other words we are often asked to fake it – for the sake of the other persons feelings – this is often seen as high empathy when in fact it is more often just a learned reaction to a situational event. Emotional intelligence is seen a as a panacea for management effectiveness but maybe little more than learned responses to situations, rather than a genuine cognitive response to some event. In other words emotional intelligence maybe more pop psychology than a fact. Measurement for emotional understanding may reflect no more about the learned response to given situations we have come to understand through cultural, generational and traditional customs of our community or group behaviour. Psychometric tests for emotional intelligence may in fact be invalid and not robust enough to provide any useful measure of a persons feelings towards others but in fact reflect that learned behaviour – what should be the response not what I actually feel inside.

Attributions Theory – Misunderstanding Others:

Attribution theory ( 6. Heider – 1958) suggests that we attend to what we see more than what we know. In other words – we do in fact judge a book by its cover. So if we are busy faking our emotions so must everyone else? So how do we know that the mood being displayed to us is genuine or faked. We pride ourselves on being able to know others feeling by their facial expressions, there seemingly genuineness and authentic sounding responses. In fact much of the time we maybe reacting to the faked emotion rather than the real one. We are often surprised to hear someone committed suicide – we may say – they always seemed so positive and happy looking – but that is exactly what a mis-attribution is – the lack of skills to identify a real emotion from a faked one – we are actually quite good at emotional labour at work and so do we really know what anyone is actually feeling, as opposed to what they are displaying to us. So the helpful shop assistant may in fact be bored rigid at having to seem enthusiastic about a product she has already spoken about ten times that day already.

In Summery:

Emotional labour is a situation where the employee expresses the companies desired response to a given situation. Emotional dissonance are our feeling of confusion between our internal feelings and the face we put upon the situation given company policy towards others. Felt emotions therefore being what we actually feel as opposed to displayed emotion being the faked response to another person. Finally emotional intelligence being no more than learned responses to events as we behave given the situation we find ourselves in. The consequences of faked emotions can be strain leading to emotional exhaustion that has both physical and emotional outcomes for mental health and general well-being. Judging others may in fact lead to mis-attributions where we think the faked emotion is in fact the real feelings of the other party.

To be honest, open and authentic would be real intimacy in our relationships but carries the high risk of rejection and misunderstandings.

References:

1. Robins S.P. Judge T.A. 2013 – Organizational Behavior 15Ed Pearson Publishing

2. Myler S.F. 2018 – Myler Case Studies 2018/19 Unpublished

3. Grandey A. et.al. 2010 – Work in the Global Services Economy – Journal of Service Management.

4. Matsumoto D. 2009 – Culture & Emotional Expression – New York, Taylor & Francis publishing.

5. Myler S. F. 2019 – Myler Case Studies 2019 Unpublished

6. Heider F 1958 – Attribution Theory – Oxford Dictionary of Psychology 2001

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Source by Stephen F. Myler

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July 26, 2022
Love One Another (A Sermon on John 13: 31-35)
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We are in the 13th chapter of the Gospel according to St John's this week, and I'm going to unpack our reading verse by verse as it is a difficult passage.

"When he had gone out, Jesus said," Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. " (John 13:31)

The person who had 'gone out' was Judas, and the sentence seems to suggest that Judas' leaving somewhat brought glory to Jesus, which sounds really odd.

"If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once." (John 13:32)

I really have no idea where to begin with that statement!

"Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, 'Where I am going, you cannot come.'" (John 13:33 )

That statement makes sense to us as Jesus speaking about his own impending suffering and death, though at the time it made no sense at all to His disciples.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. "(John 13: 34-45)

That concluding pronouncement, I suspect, is the most difficult to understand of all!

"All you need is love!" – so said the Beatles.

When I read statements like these from the lips of Jesus, I can almost hear the soundtrack of that well-known Beatles song playing in the background.

"Love is all you need. Love is all you need …"

It's not true, of course. Love isn't all we need – not in relationships, not in families, not in governments.

We had an election yesterday. Did you vote for the most loving candidate? Should you have?

I tried to give some thought after reading this passage as to who the most loving candidate for electoral office was. It wasn't obvious.

It didn't take me long to come up with the names of politicians who were definitely NOT full of love and sweetness, but it seemed less obvious to me which candidates actually were.

Did the candidate who loves us the most win? Do we care?

In truth, in as much as we might say, "all we need is love" , I don't think we really care whether our political leaders love us, any more than we really care whether our boss at work truly loves us. Love is not all we need. A good capacity for management is probably far more important in cases like this than is love!

Love is not all we need in government or in families, and it's not even all we need in a system of morality! This might sound counterintuitive. Is not all of morality – all our statements about what is right and what is wrong – really an extension of that basic ideal of love?

Certainly, over the generations, scores of philosophers and other great thinkers have suggested that all of our moral intuitions can be reduced to one simple exhortation – if not 'to love' exactly, to something very akin to that.

The British philosopher, John Stuart Mill, saw all of morality as a system of increasing pleasure for people and reducing harm. He is probably best remembered for his 'harm principle' :

"That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others."

I have a feeling that if you'd asked Mill what the essence of morality was, he might not have said 'love one another' , but might well have said 'don't' harm one another ' , which is pretty similar.

Likewise, the great 18th century German philosopher, Immanuel Kant, believed that morality could be reduced to a single maxim – the 'categorical imperative' :

"Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law."

That's always sounded to me like a really complex way of saying 'love your neighbor as you would love yourself " , which, of course, was Jesus' 'golden rule' that many people see as being His one-line summary of the moral law , along with the first and great commandment, of course, that you have to love God:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. " (Matthew 22: 37-40)

We are familiar with these commandments. We hear them every week in church, and they do seem to suggest that everything in the law of God comes down to love, and that the rest is just commentary.

Is that really what Jesus was saying? St Augustine thought so, and in my previous sermons on these passages, I have suggested exactly that – that there is really only one law of God – that we love – and that the rest is just application. My more recent reading though has suggested that it's actually a lot more complicated than that, at least if Jesus really was being true to His Hebraic tradition.

The Hebraic law centers around the Ten Commandments – the ten words of God to the people of Israel – and while it seems straightforward to see commandments like "thou shalt not steal" and "thou shalt not murder" as being extensions of the commandment to love , other commandments like "honor thy father and thy mother" do not seem to be so easily reducible. Honoring your father and your mother seems to be more about respecting authority than it is about love .

I've been reading a very interesting book lately by moral psychologist, Jonathan Haidt, called "the Righteous Mind" , in which he outlines what he calls 'moral foundation theory' .

I'm not suggesting that everyone should rush out to get a copy of this book. It is not an easy read and could prove difficult if you don't have an academic background in the study of philosophical ethics (which, thankfully, I do).

The author's key point, at any rate, is that our moral intuitions can't be reduced to any one simple maxim such as 'love one another' as morality is invariably more complex than that.

Haidt suggests that there are five reasonably independent dimensions to our moral awareness, and 'caring' for others is just one of those dimensions. The others are:
- Fairness (which is all about justice, rewards and punishments)
- Loyalty (which is associated with values such as faithfulness and patriotism )
- Authority (where you honor your father and your mother, king and country)
- Sanctity (which involves respecting your body and potentially embracing things like chastity, temperance and cleanliness)
Forgive me if I'm now sounding more dry and esoteric than the book I mentioned. My point is actually a simple one – that 'all you need is love' is both simplistic and inadequate. We don't only need love – not if we are going to be successful in our relationships or in all of life. We actually need a lot of things – courage, self-discipline, wisdom, nurture and support and a good education, and more!

Of course, Jesus didn't say "love is all you need". That was ' The Beatles' . What Jesus did say was "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" . In other words, Jesus didn't say that love is all we need to live a full and productive life. What He said was that it was all we needed in order to show the world that we are His disciples. That might sound like much the same thing but it's actually quite distinct.

The life of love is not a strategy for success, despite what any number of tele-evangelists might have told you. Indeed, if it's right to consider it a strategy at all, the life of love could only be a strategy for getting yourself killed. That's certainly how it worked for Jesus.

I'm sure I've mentioned before that friend who said to me "I'm sick of hearing people tell me about all the problems they had before they met Jesus and how He solved them all for them. till I met Jesus! "

That's difficult to hear, I think. We don't want to think of Jesus as the one who leads us down a path of suffering and misery. We want to think of Jesus as one who elevates us to heavenly places.

Isn't that what religion is for after all? Isn't good religion supposed to benefit our lives and help us live more fully and peacefully with a great sense of purpose and fulfillment? Surely, it's not just about suffering in this world so that we can enjoy a better life in the next? Surely there's more to it than that?

I don't think Jesus is saying that discipleship is all about suffering any more than it is all about success. Discipleship, Jesus says, is all about love, and everything else depends on what Jesus means by love .

Jesus says His command to love is a new commandment, and that's a surprise. Certainly, the commandment to love is as old as the Scriptures themselves, so it must be the latter part of the commandment – to love one another ' as I have loved you' – that makes it new.

When we hear those words, I suspect most of us immediately think of the cross and Jesus laying down his life for us. That makes sense, and indeed the same Gospel writer, John, writes in his first letter "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (1 John 3:16). Even so, without wanting to press the issue of the timeline too heavily, the exhortation we have in today's Gospel reading -to love one another "as I have loved you" happens before the cross, suggesting that the model on view here may not be the death of Jesus but the life of Jesus!

Further, as noted, today's reading begins with a reference to Judas – "when he had gone out" – and Jesus' exhortation to love each other as He has loved us comes immediately before the two terrible betrayals from disciples whom Jesus had just broken bread with and whose feet Jesus had just washed – the one betrayal being from Judas, of course, and the other one being from dear Peter!

Jesus loved Peter, was betrayed by Peter, and would eventually be reconciled with Peter. Jesus loved Judas but would never be reconciled with him. Even perfect love does not guarantee a perfect ending to the story. Even so, love anyway – that's the new commandment .

Yes, "greater love has no one than this – to lay down one's life for their friends" (John 15: 3). That is true, and bodily self-sacrifice is indeed the ultimate example of love, but most of the time love is not so grandiose and (thankfully) not quite so painful. The far more common (and in some ways more difficult) labor of love is the ongoing work of having to forgive those who fail us, and sometimes fail us very badly.

This, I believe, is the love by which everyone will now that we are His disciples – it's the love that breaks bread with those who betray us and that washes the feet of those who turn their backs on us. It's the love that finds its ultimate inspiration in the sacrificial death of Christ on the cross, but which likewise finds daily encouragement in the simple acts of grace shown by Jesus towards those whom He knew would radically fail Him.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. "(John 13: 34-45)

It's not a strategy for success. It's not a means to a better life or more successful relationships. It's just the way that we demonstrate to the world that we are followers of Jesus. We break bread, we wash feet, we empathise, we forgive. We love one another just as He loved us.

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Source by David B. Smith

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July 25, 2022
Grief Healing Insights For Living With Purpose And Joy

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When unwanted grief knocks at your door and enters your life, you must discover your own personal voice and authority.

“For those men who, sooner or later, are lucky enough to break away from the pack, the most intoxicating moment comes when they cease being bodies in other men’s command and find that they control their own time, when they learn their own voice and authority.”

~ Theodore H. White

Four essential grief healing insights for living with purpose and finding your own authority to heal are vital to a wholesome life of happiness and joy.

1-Believe And Take Action

Henry Ford highlights a personal truth about challenges of life each face. You are governed to a great degree by what you believe about personal challenges. It is important you believe you can. Don’t let the naysayers cause you to believe otherwise. Take time to list four things you believe you can do to reconcile your grieving and find more happiness and peace. Begin doing them today.

“Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can’t are both right.”

~ Henry Ford

Never accept: I can’t as a viable answer to your unique condition.

2-Find Your Own Courage

Courage doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have fears. It simply means you have the gumption to face your trials. It is important you believe in your inner self and find your own empowerment.

“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Too many have their opinions and form their own judgement about what a person is made of and what they can and cannot do. Given your situation – which they may not fully understand – they have formed and often voiced what you can and cannot do under fire. They don’t know what you can do once you set your mind and heart on a healing course of action. Believe you can!

3-Trust Your Inner Strength To Carry-out Your Dreams

“Trust your own inner guidance. Have faith that your steps are carrying you toward your dreams. Keep your eyes on the heavens and believe that your feet will carry you well.”

~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Your inner strength has not always been challenged until now. Trusting in your own empowerment requires you to dig deep – perhaps deeper than ever before.

“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.”

~ Ram Dass

How you will proceed along your grief healing journey is up to you. Nonetheless, the steps you take can begin your healing. Take thirty minutes to evaluate the healing steps that are essential to use the inner strength you have effectively.

4-LIVE With Purpose

Grief and loss experiences take you full circle as you appraise your condition. Finding positive and beneficial opportunities and possibilities are essential to your healing.

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong.

Instead, focus on what to do next.

Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”

~ Denis Waitley

Live your best life; it’s not your age, not your predicament, it is the energy you muster towards finding the answer needed to find your healing solutions that is most important.

Believe in yourself. Find your own courage. Trust in your inner strength. Live each day of your life with purpose. Begin today.

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Source by Duane Marchant

Views: 0

July 25, 2022
How To Write An Excellent Sales Letter In Two Hours

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You wish to have the ability to write a fantastic sales letter. If you’re able to write excellent copy, then you’re ready to make more money and develop your client base. You are snowballing that by short-term success into long-term success.

That is not sufficient for you, however. You do not only wish to have the ability to compose outstanding sales copy. You want to have the ability to produce an excellent sales copy in a brief moment. The simple truth is that you respect individuals who will very fast knock copy that converts.

What is the secret to writing exceptional backup? Is it possible to write an excellent copy in just two hours? Can you compose a superb backup is much less than two weeks? You indeed can.

I’m likely to let you know the specific method you’re able to follow along with getting things completed. But first, let us discuss why you will have the ability to earn this happen and how it’s potential.

When most men and women sit down to compose backup — mainly if they are not copywriters’ — there is a certain quantity of anxiety and intimidation that from the beginning. They assume it is likely to be a complex and lengthy procedure.

There is also the simple fact it may take a while to understand the intricacies of writing backup. You can not escape from the simple fact that it is both an art and a science. There is a particular something there which makes the backup convert not.

Thus, you begin with this anxiety and this feeling that perhaps you are in over your mind. You are attempting to recall all of the bits which you have discovered, whether you have written copy earlier or not.

Many individuals can also be highly ineffective. Even if they understand how to write copy and also have done so many times, it is most likely the case that the correct procedure is inefficient.

Whether you have never written copy before or you have written heaps of sales letters previously, it may be taking you weeks to compose a bit of text which should only take a couple of hours.

If you would like to write a copy in only two weeks, then you need to streamline your procedure. You are likely to reduce the fluff in regards to writing copy. You will focus just on the bits of writing copy that issue. You will stick to a structure (or create your own) which permits you to hit the most vital elements of this backup.

You are going to be after a template. When I say’ template,’ that does not mean that your copy will be dull or dry or look formulaic, even though you’ll technically be after a formulation. The frame, or procedure, you operate from will permit you to open your imagination. Talk to your audience when making sure that you hit all of the’replicate’ things you want to hit.

The simple fact is there are particular copy components we all know work once it has to do with writing sales letters. These are demonstrated to convert again and again– they are what we call ‘time-examined.’ That means you will utilize these time tested components on your copy for a matter of course while being inventive and enthused with the way you phrase the letter into your viewers.

To Assist the Reader, You Need to Understand that the Reader

If you are going to compose a letter for two hours and assist your reader, then you need to comprehend your reader. Here is something which you can do inside a couple of hours. However right, comprehensive comprehension is something that will take place over time.

Become part of this conversation online forums, social media, and site comment locations.

Read what they must write. Pay attention to comments become heated and excited. Pay careful focus on breaking the things which are most important for this crowd.

Notice what the individuals of the audience are keen on purchasing — and why. What exactly is the driving force behind that? What are the most critical problems?

You need to understand their most pressing issues — the things which are on their thoughts all of the time. Know their pain points and the lengths they are prepared to go to fix those pain points.

You ought to be aware of how they have reacted to other goods available on the industry.

You ought to have your finger on the pulse of what is happening and feel like you understand your crowd, such as the back of your hands.

Try this a bit daily.

If you sit down to write a sales letter, then imagine your audience is one individual on the mind. Compose a letter for this individual. Write a fervent letter made to emphasize their difficulty, the journey you have been on your own, which relates to their problem. The precise, perfect answer you are offering them with an offer that they can not pass up as it is so remarkable.

At this time you know this individual, and it is a personable correspondence, which means that your conversions will be through the roof?

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Source by Jean Taylor

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
How Can Poor Customer Service Affect A Business

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Today, potential customers have wider choices than ever in making a purchase. It’s easier to compare services. With visible online reviews and customer engagement in a variety of channels, your company’s performance is under scrutiny. Clients and prospects have no problem switching over to a competitor if they consider them fit.

It’s more expensive to get a new customer than to keep an existing one, so customer retention is crucial for business success. And customer service has a drastic impact on customer retention. 89% of customers have stopped doing business with a firm after a bad experience and 58% will never deal with that firm again.

Loss of Business and Returning Customers

No matter how great your products are, if you don’t meet the service expectations of your clients, they’ll never be happy with what you’re offering them. Not listening to your customers and ignoring their needs will not just annoy them, but it will also make them leave your company. If your customer service is poor, you’ll have poor customer retention rates and you’ll never meet your business goals.

Bad Reviews Online

If you don’t take your customer’s complaints seriously and you don’t resolve those issues immediately and sincerely, you’ll lose customers and this will impact your company’s reputation. Most of the customers will reveal the truth about your poor customer service on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Negative comments and bad reviews spread quickly across social media and this will affect your reputation and your business’s goals.

New Customers Stay Away

New customers seek companies based on recommendations from people they know, and they’ll avoid a company when they hear first-hand accounts of poor customer service. People give more weight to negative reports than positive reports and they believe first-hand experience from their friends and family more than they believe impersonal sources such as advertising.

So if your customer service is poor, prospective clients may find your business but they’ll choose what your competitors offer.

Employees Leave

Employees know when things are not right in the company they work for. If they see frequent occurrences of poor customer service, they’ll start looking for opportunities with other companies. This is because dealing with dissatisfied customers makes their jobs hard and it makes the working environment toxic.

Management that doesn’t treat its customers well probably doesn’t care about the well-being of its employees either. High staff turnover tarnishes a company’s name. It creates more costs because of the increased need for recruiting, hiring and training of new employees.

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Source by Jon Allo

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
Guilt Is a Useless Emotion

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I once read a poem in my doctor’s office that went something like this:

If a child is raised in anger, he will feel anger.

If a child is raised with guilt, he will feel guilty.

If a child is raised with shame, he will feel shame.

If a child is raised in love, he will feel love.

Of course that is not the whole poem, but you get the point. At the time, the poem was just something to read while I waited. Today the meaning is very clear to me.

There is no such thing as guilt, you can not go to the store and buy a pound or bag of guilt. It is a man made ego minded emotion this is detrimental to humans living to their full potential.

It seems to me that women carry so much guilt, whether it stems from being a woman, or the way we raised our children, or for being/or wanting to be successful, to being a sexual human. Where did it all start? Why have we continued to pass this down to each new generations? Mostly we do it subconsciously, although I know there are times when it is used for our advantage in certain situations.

Many moons ago the female Goddess energy was the ruler of the universe, it was honored and valued. Did guilt arise when we stopped tuning into that energy and were slowly overpowered by the male energy that has dominated the universe for so long? Was it because we stopped standing our ground and speaking our truth? Who knows were guilt originated. I am not saying it is a female only emotion, nor pointing fingers, my point is for this particular article only.

Guilt has kept so many stuck in the same place for years. Why? Just like the poem says, it is passed down through the stories we were told by our parents, grand parents, teachers and role models. These stories were laced with limiting beliefs that blocked us from actually achieving our full potential in life. This useless emotion became a vicious circle that many are still trying to step out of, or don’t even realize they are in.

You get a great idea that will make you lots of money. Then the guilt thinking comes in, you start to hear the old stories, you can’t make more money than your husband, men are supposed to support the family. You may even see pictures of the people telling the story. OR, even worse, you want to express your sexuality, or your sexual energy and you hear that voice saying “good girls don’t” Well guess what, good girls do, and they have been for years. Even those catholic girls in high school that swore they didn’t. They do. We are human, we don’t need to feel guilty about anything. Especially expressing our true selves.

Everyone makes mistakes in life, everyone, but we don’t have to feel guilty about it and carry it with us the rest of our lives. It is time to free ourselves of the past, to free ourselves of the guilt. It is time to forgive ourselves for allowing this to control any part of our lives.

Guilt is an emotion that comes from fear based thinking. If we take a really good look at why we feel guilty for any particular situation, we will probably find that the thought process is not even our own. It was something passed down to us from someone else. And to think that is ruling our days!!

Fortunately there is good news. The choice is ours as to whether we are going to carry the guilt or let it go. Give a moment to think how you would feel if you decided right this moment to let go of it. How would it feel to have put it out with the garbage on Monday morning? How does it feel? Light? Airy? Expansive? Free? Now ask yourself this. How often do you put the garbage out at the road, and then walk out and bring it back into the house? Never, Right? The same needs to happen when letting go of guilt, once you put it out, leave it out. In fact don’t even go back to smell it.

How can we release guilt? Here are a few steps, these require you to love yourself enough to give yourself permission to feel good.

1. Write out what you feel guilty about and why. Take one situation at a time. Write adamantly, don’t hold back on anything, just let it all go, allow the emotions to flow. Once you are done, set it down for a few moments, then go back and write a little more. Don’t read it over, tear it up, or burn it. As you do repeat ” I now choose to let this go, it no longer affects my life.”

2. Sit with a situation in mind. Allow yourself to feel how you feel about it, visualize it, hear the stories other people told you about the situation. Feel where you feel this in your body. Ask yourself if the guilt is yours or someone else’s? When you have sat with it as long as you can, allow yourself to let it go. Visualize it leaving your body, feel it leaving your body and say I choose to let this go. I no longer need this in my life. I let it go in exchange for peace.

3. Change the story you are telling yourself. When you catch yourself telling the guilt story either to yourself or someone else, catch it, don’t judge it, just change it to something possible, with positive emotions. Be aware of the thoughts and stories you tell, after all we get to choose them, they might as well be positive.

4. Train your mind to look for thing to be grateful for. You will always find what you are look for, again it might as well be positive.

In doing these exercises you will release the emotional charge the thoughts and feelings have on you. The memories may come back from time to time, but the emotions will not take hold of you, they will not control you. Quilt really is a useless emotion, with a choice attached. I choose to let it go so I can soar through the rest of my life free as a bird. Free yourself.

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Source by Jenn Prothero

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
Marriage Advice: Eight Steps to Marital Harmony

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The formula for marital harmony and success is not a mysterious secret. It’s actually very straightforward.

The “behind the scenes” part is the constant work that’s required to keep the channels of love and communication clear from obstruction. Diligent spouses consistently spend time and energy addressing issues as they come up so that anger and hurt feelings don’t accumulate.

Spouses who want satisfying marriages also look for ways to keep their love strong, such as remembering to show affection and appreciation frequently. They know that the more they feel connected and bonded, the more motivated they will be to resolve problems and hang in there when things are difficult.

The following eight steps will guide you in looking at what you can do to increase your chances for creating a happy, harmonious marriage:

1. Work on yourself and your own issues that you brought with you into the marriage.

Many responses that you have to your spouse’s actions are triggered by past events going back to your childhood. If one of your emotional wounds is feeling disrespected, then when your partner inadvertently does something that triggers those feelings, you’ll experience an intense reaction. Individual counseling can help you to be more self-aware of what’s behind your intense reactions and what you can do so that you don’t over-react to issues in your marriage.

2. Avoid blaming your partner for problems in the marriage.

Blame only causes the other person to become defensive and angry, and it decreases the probability that the two of you can find a win-win solution to your problems. When you focus on blaming your spouse for what’s happening in the marriage, you are planting seeds of resentment that can hurt the relationship. A marriage is composed of two people, and each contributes to the quality of the relationship and shares responsibility for it.

3. Be empathetic and put yourself in your partner’s place when issues come up.

Really try to understand where your partner is coming from when you disagree or when your partner does something that you can’t make sense of. Ask your spouse to talk about his or her feelings. Listen respectfully and ask your spouse to clarify points that you don’t understand. Develop a curiosity for learning more about your spouse’s feelings and take special care to create an emotionally safe environment for the discussions with your spouse.

4. Look for ways to make your partner’s life easier and to show your love.

Many of the irritants and stressors in modern day life are the little things—the extra time it takes to pick up the cleaning on the way home from work or to put the clean dishes in the dishwasher away. When you see some errand or task that you can do to save your partner time, offer to do it.

Look for opportunities to give your spouse a few minutes to relax or have downtime. Watch for things you can do to pamper your partner when you can. It’s often the little things that can make a big difference in marital happiness and satisfaction.

5. Express appreciation often and say form the habit of saying “thank you.”

As months and years go by, many spouses take each other for granted and neglect to express appreciation or say “thank you” to each other. Numerous spouses complain that their partners only focus on what they do wrong and never compliment them.

It’s sad to think that the one person who means the most to you might have to wonder whether or not you appreciate them. Let your spouse know how much he or she means to you on a frequent basis. Give compliments and praise freely, and express thanks for all that your partner does to enrich your life and marriage.

6. Apologize quickly and sincerely, taking responsibility for your part in whatever happens in the marriage.

The truth is that sometimes it’s hard to say “I’m sorry.” That’s when it’s time to remember the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”

Accept that things don’t always make sense in a relationship and that confusion and misunderstandings can happen easily. It’s a mark of maturity when you can say, “I’m so sorry for my part in what has happened between us.”

7. Have interests, hobbies and activities in your life that you enjoy so you’re not thrown off center so easily if you have a tiff or quarrel with your spouse.

It’s important to have interests and activities of your own that are satisfying to you that can help to keep you balanced and anchored if other areas of your life are upsetting. That way, you can more easily regain a sense of perspective and be able to withstand the on-going stress.

For example, if you and your spouse are encountering some rocks along the relationship path, you could go on a long bike ride, go fishing with a friend, visit a museum, or read an interesting book. Those activities and interests can add pleasure to your life to help balance out the temporary problems in your marriage. You’re always ahead of the game when you know some ways to lift your spirits.

8. Look for fun activities and bonding experiences to share with your mate.

Be on the lookout for activities that could be fun for you and your spouse to do together. Search the local newspaper for plays, concerts, new movies, museum exhibits, neighborhood fairs and festivals, and new restaurants that are advertised. Laughter and having fun is bonding and can help to create those “Kodak moments” that are so delightful.

Also look for activities that represent causes you and your spouse believe in, such as spending a Saturday helping a local charity with a garage sale or volunteering together at a local soup kitchen. These experiences can serve to remind you of what you have in common with your spouse and of how good it feels to be working in unison with a shared purpose.

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Source by Nancy Wasson

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
Affirmations to Help You Break a Bad Habit

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Have you tried and tried to break a bad habit, and just failed time and time again? Have you tried using Affirmations to help break a habit? Positive statements have been proved to work!

What Defines A bad Habit?

If we were to send out a survey now to ask people what they thought the words bad habit means, the majority will say that a bad habit is a negative action that people do over and over again, like smoking, drinking, or eating too much.

Did you know that habits are incredibly powerful tools for personal growth and success? Good habits that is!

What habits do you have now and how do they affect your life? Your weight and health are determined by your eating habits. Your relationships are determined by your social habits. Your success at work is determined by your work habits and so on!

So How Do We Change Them?

When it comes to breaking yourself free from bad habits, many self-help books and coaches will tell you to become consciously aware the moment you begin to think about or crave the habit, and to make conscious decisions to just not do it! This may work for some people, but for most of us this is way to hard and doomed to fail. Why? Because it is human nature to want to do something that we are not supposed to do!

Psychology!

First we have to get the psychology right in our head! We must want to change this habit and we need to address why we want to free ourselves from it, that may sound stupid and obvious, but it is true, we must understand and do some self talk.

Write down all the benefits that you are going to get by getting rid of this habit, we need to tell our self that we are not depriving ourselves but improving.

Affirmations.

When I talk to people about affirmations, they often ask “what if I don’t believe the words to be true”? Good question, the subconscious mind does not know what is true or not true, it hears words and accepts them to be! So the more we say the words, the more the subconscious takes them on board, we “affirm” them as our truth!

Choose your words carefully, if you struggle to say them you need to change them, try to keep them short! Here are some ideas to help you create effective and life changing affirmations:

1. Make the statements short but strong, “I am now free from this habit of…”

2. Always make your affirmation in the present time ( I am now, Not I am going to)

3. Always state them in the positive ” I am Happy that I no longer…..”

4. Write them down and read them often, read out loud.

5. Do them every day, no matter how you feel, stick with it!

6. “I am so grateful that I am now free of this habit“

Affirmations need to be practised daily for at least thirty days to embed them in your mind, do them morning and night, stick with it, it works! Learn how to boost your affirmations, and be free in record time!

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Source by Cheryl Fauvel

Views: 0

July 23, 2022
An Insight Into Multi-Level Marketing/Network Marketing Techniques

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You have reached the perfect place to discover how to be successful with Network Marketing or Multilevel marketing. Most people who embark on a new challenge struggle at first but for the Network Marketing beginner, he’s not an exception. It might seem complicated and sometimes a fearful path to pursue, nevertheless take advantage of the following Network Marketing strategies and run with it.

Success Tip 1: Manage “YOU” and “YOUR” Expectations.

You are answerable for the success or failure of your own unique network marketing business! This is usually a huge one, simply because the overwhelming majority of completely new as well as skilled network marketers pin the blame on absolutely everyone but themselves with regard to things that fail. But in fact, whatever happens to you, in business and also in your personal life is a direct result of choices you made.. You, and you alone are accountable for your business.

Manage your expectations and be accountable to yourself!

Success Tip 2: Set Goals.

We understand you need to generate income in your network marketing business, but HOW do you plan to generate such income?? It’s essential to set desired goals that may be Short, Medium or Long Term. Set S.M.A.R.T. goals for that HOW. Your S.M.A.R.T.goals ought to be

• S-pecific

• M-easurable

• A-chievable

• R-ealistic

• T-imely.

Evaluate these goals regularly and as soon as you meet them, raise the bar.

Success Tip 3: Keep Learning!

Cultivate your mind by getting informed through quality publications, CDs, network marketing business video tutorials in the first couple of months right after starting a new network marketing business. This might look like a time waster to many beginners since they’re thrilled to generate income immediately and it must be right now! It often doesn’t work like that.

When l began my network marketing business, I put away a specific percentage of my earnings to get resources regarding how to take my business one stage further. I learnt a whole lot (and still learning) on how to offer value to my clients. These are individuals who bring the cash. Begin to see the link?

Success Tip 4: Efficient Use of Your Time And Effort.

Be extremely organized particularly if you intend to continue working while starting your business. You’ll want to become a personal time management pro to offer your best to each side. Remember that you might want to allocate more time to your start-up business since your start-up business is similar to a newborn – it requires nurturing, focus, care and time.

Create time daily to work on your new business. Make use of the audio system in your car by listening to CDs or tapes if you are driving. Get a good mp3 player and plug-in some great informative content while taking a stroll or you’re at lunch or cleaning the house. The more effective time spent on your business, the quicker you’ll make it grow.

Success Tip 5: Be patient!

The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with one step. And you have started your journey. On this journey you’ll need loads of patience. In business the truth is most start-ups consider it a huge success if they can make money soon after they start business.. So, what makes you believe the income will begin rolling in after a few days, or even months? Building a solid business needs time, effort, and lots of patience.

Likewise note that you need to be prepared for the rough patches because there will be loads! When those times come, it’s not the time to pull the plug but time to remember that success is a process. Every positive step you take brings you closer to your goals. Therefore keep doing the “right” things, persevere and be patient!

Success Tip 6: Expect to get out of your comfort zone.

When a baby starts to learn to walk, he or she finds it uncomfortable at first but as soon as he gains self-confidence and steps out of the world of crawling, he or she makes his / her first step and others follow afterwards. It’s similar in the business world. You’ll be learning new and different ways of expressing yourself. You will need to meet, talk and connect with people.

No one ever made it big in network marketing by hiding behind their computer screen. You may very well feel uncomfortable trying new things that you may or may not be good at. The important thing there is TRY. Try new things.

Learn from your mistakes and celebrate success when it happens and it will happen; because you have earned it!

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Source by Nkem Bamgbose

Views: 0

July 23, 2022
Loving Yourself Can Heal Fear
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"I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I know from my own experiences that what Eleanor Roosevelt said in the above quote is very true.
- I used to be scared to speak up for myself or speak my truth, and now I do it easily.
- I used to be afraid of public speaking or doing radio or TV shows, and now I do these easily.
- I used to be scared to be in my power, and now it's natural for me.
- I used to be afraid of confrontation and conflict, and now I welcome these experiences in order to learn from them.
- I used to be scared that if I opened to learning with my higher guidance, there would be nothing there, and now I know that I'm never alone and am always being guided.
- I used to be afraid of my deeper painful feelings, and now I embrace them with love and compassion and allow them to move through me. I now know that I can lovingly manage them and that they won't overwhelm me.
- I used to be afraid to write, and now writing flows easily.
We can't talk ourselves out of fear, which is what our ego wounded-self tries to do. When we choose to operate as a loving adult with a strong motivation to love ourselves, then we don't put our inner child out there alone to do something we are afraid of doing.

For example, when I first started public speaking and teaching – before Spirit brought us inner work – I was very scared of not knowing what to say or of forgetting what I wanted to say. I was scared that I would get so nervous that I wouldn't be able to talk. After I started to practice inner work, I realized that I had been putting my inner child out there to do the teaching. Of course she was scared! It was not a job for my inner child!

Now, before I speak or teach or do a radio or TV show, I make sure to tell my inner child that this isn't her job – that it's the job of my loving adult allowing my higher self to speak through me. Instead of trying to control what I say, I surrender to my higher guidance and allow her to be the speaker and teacher.

After doing this many times, the fear went away.

Healing Fear Through Loving Yourself

The more my inner child knows that I am here loving myself through fear, the safer she feels with things that used to feel very scary. Healing fear through loving myself means:
- Consistently showing up as a loving adult so that my inner child doesn't feel alone with scary things.
- Being willing to do the scary things over and over until the positive experiences become part of my neural pathways.
- Letting my inner child know that it's okay to make mistakes and to fail, and that my worth and lovability are not attached to outcomes.
- Valuing my willingness to try new and scary things so that my inner child feels valued for the effort rather than for the outcome.
- Being compassionate rather than critical with my feelings when things don't turn out the way I want.
- Letting go of having to know ahead of time whether or not something is best for me and being willing to trust what I want and the information I receive from my guidance regarding what is in my highest good – willing to go with the flow of life rather than trying to control it.
I encourage you to start doing what you want to do rather than allowing fear to stop you, and see what happens!

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Source by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Views: 0
July 23, 2022