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  • Advantages of Group Dating

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    Group dating is very popular in Japan and it is also known as ‘compa’ and ‘gokon’. Group dating is slowly becoming very famous in other countries also because through group dating people can easily find a suitable partner. The concept of dating in a group is very unique and different. In this system a girl and a guy who know each other from before plan a date in which each of them get 4 to 5 eligible friends. This date can be held in discos, bars, restaurants and hotels.

    So now let us discuss the most advantages of a dating in a group. These advantages will help you to understand this type dating in a better way.

    1. Socialize in group in a much better way
    As a group dating system involves trustworthy peers people can socialize in a much better way with each other. Group dating helps a person to learn from one another’s experiences. This type of dating involves a group of trusted teens who go out together in a group rather than in couples. Every parent want their kids to be in good company and influence, this type of dating helps them in this matter.

    2. Group dating helps in observing the opposite sex
    Teenagers are often interested in the opposite sex, but they are too scared of rejection. But in this type date setting, teenagers of genders can get to know each other very well. In this setting, every person can keep an eye on his or her friend, this helps in creating a better bond between friends and siblings.

    3. Can get acquainted with each other very easily
    This type of dating is most appropriate for those people who like some one but are not able to express their feelings. By becoming a part of this system they can get to know more about the person they like or love. Through group dating they get confidence and can face rejection more easily and boldly.

    4. No risk of temptation
    Having fun and getting to know each other are two main features of a group date. Kids involved in this type of dating are much better behaved because they want to impress each other. They avoid doing things that can harm their friends. Temptation is reduced to the bare minimum because kids are in the company of trustworthy friends.

    5. No pressure of impressing any one
    The main advantage of this type dating is that even if you do not manage to find a partner, you can still enjoy the outing or party with your friends. In a group dating even if you do not find a compatible partner you can still have a pleasant time, because you do not need to impress a particular person.

    These are the most important advantages of this type of dating system.

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    Source by Jessica N King

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  • Wrong Reasons For Getting Married – (1) Marrying Out of Sympathy

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    There are right and wrong reasons for getting married. The worst thing a person can do to oneself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are quite a number of wrong reasons why people marry. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps among the most prominent of the wrong reasons is marrying out of sympathy.

    There are many scenarios under this subheading of marrying out of sympathy that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the woman gets pregnant as a result of premarital sex and getting married to a person just because one’s brother or sister jilted that person. Between these two extremes, are those who start relationships with girls who are being maltreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with the neighborhood maids or relations of their neighbors who are being maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

    When sympathy forms the basis for a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a keg of gunpowder over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees as the Good Samaritan’s job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. He does not stop to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into his own desires. If it is the woman that is sympathizing, she goes through the same emotions and also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he would remain loyal to her forever.

    Findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “flee”. Fleeing here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, though that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape the environment. In many instances, the sympathizer-lovers begin to act as saviors and lordships. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and later verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.

    Marriage relationship requires that both parties are open to each other. Open – meaning that there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner would not be allowed into. Once these secret feelings are there, it produces reactive communication instead of responsive communication.

    These sympathy missions when it emanates from the premarital sex pregnancy, the woman does not fully get happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear in the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she only thinks she is in a mess occasioned by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual marriage and child rearing challenges as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves for getting pregnant. And some of the time, they blame the man for putting them in the family way. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to have grown from such situations creating lasting bitterness.

    For the men, having not evaluated the character, demeanor, temperament of their spouse before marriage because of the overpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her real character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.

    It is necessary that we have it ingrained in the tablet of our hearts that the only reasons good enough for marrying anybody are the foundational elements for joyful relationship. If while in a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of marriage is not clear to both of you, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours.

    Interestingly, many marriages out there are based on sympathy.

    Young single adults (18-30 years of age) and single adults (31 years and above) should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody from suffering. Instead of cornering yourselves to this quagmire, why not follow the appropriate dating, courtship and engagement practices where no sexual intimacy is included. There is need to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally and lawfully wedded marriage contract. You need to remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainly for procreation and to cement companionship.

    The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse is purposed to invite people to take the responsibility that comes with it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside legal and lawful matrimony is a transgression of the law. And law breakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no external police to arrest you and no external court to try you and no external prison to sentence you. But there are internal version of the police, the court and the prison and a large farmland where your hard labor would be performed if you commit this offense.

    What is the way to go?

    Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and procreation. Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and purposes clearly spelled out, though. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. These are the foundational elements that must be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. Both parties ought to know and understand this fully. This knowledge and understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears it. Marrying for any other reason is like standing the building on its roof.

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    Source by Francis Nmeribe

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Sex As a Natural Treatment For Gout

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    I wanted to laugh when I first came across this rather ridiculous suggestion on some of the online sources about natural treatments for gout. After the initial state of skepticism, I decided to do some study about this interesting topic about having sex as a natural treatment for gout.

    Well, it must somehow works on some of the gout patients until this method is widely spread as one of the treatment option for gout. Some people think it works, but they just cannot explain how it works on reducing the inflammation and pain of the notorious gout attacks. Before I explain how to have good sex as one of the method of treating your gout, you must first understand the chemistry of sex.

    We all know about the temptation and good feelings that good sex gives us. That is part of our natural instinct, and having a healthy sex life plays an important role in maintaining the well being of our body and mind.

    Scientists call sex as a melting pot of the soup of bio-chemicals, the hormones. This scientific statement may somehow kills away some of the romantic side of sex, but whatever you feel as the result of sex can actually be explained by simple science. It is not a matter of what happens between your legs, it is about the chemical reactions happen between your ears.

    There are a few vital hormones that contribute the pleasures (and pain relief) we feel during sexual intercourse. It starts with dopamine, which is one of the brain’s pleasure chemicals. Dopamine is released in the ‘reward centre’ of the brain when we see something that arouses our desire, such as good food and attractive partner. Dopamine increases the pulse rate and cardiac functions which result in the ‘blushing’ effect in some people.

    During sexual orgasm, your brain will push the amount of dopamine to the max and then bring it down right after the climax with the release of prolactin which prevents you from over indulge in the rush of dopamine. Prolactin rises sharply immediately after orgasm and it is what gives you the “full” feeling after your intimate moment. Prolactin disengages you from sex after orgasm and makes room for your mind to think of other things besides the naked person lying next to you.

    Beside the roller coaster ride of dopamine, there are two other sex related neurotransmitters that contribute to the whole sensation of sex. Oxytocin, which is also known as the “cuddling hormone” is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland when you feel the affection to someone you love dearly. Oxytocin helps in creating a strong bond between you and your lover.

    Oxytocin stimulates the production of endorphin which is the ‘happy neuro chemical’ that produces the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure. Endorphins fill you with a sense of well-being and relaxation, and sometimes might even drift you off to sleep. Endorphin has a similar chemical structure of morphine and that explains why it has the pain relief effects.

    The quality of you sex life determine the levels of the above mentions hormones in your body. If you want to have sex as a treatment for gout, you must know how to ‘control’ the release of those hormones.

    The best guideline is to increase the amount of oxytocin and endorphin as much as you can while minimize the fluctuation of dopamine and prolactin. Since oxytocin and endorphin are more emotionally related, so it is good to practice longer lasting sensual experiences with your lover instead of a lustful release of desire.

    Make love, not sex. Those pain and stress relief hormones are hidden in your brain not your sex organ. Cultivate the right feelings and emotions with your love ones by having romantic foreplay and delay the ejaculation for as long as you can while making sure both of you enjoy the pleasure of sex.

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    Source by Heemen Ee

    Views: 0

  • 4 Herbal Remedies For Bacterial Vaginosis That Work Exceedingly Well to Cure BV

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    Women who suffer from bacterial vaginosis (BV) are normally recommended antibiotics and topical creams by conventional doctors. However these are not the only options to treat this problem. There are some extremely effective herbal remedies for bacterial vaginosis that can help you get rid of recurring vaginal bacteria infection.

    When the bad bacteria dominates the vagina of a women then one can experience itching, swelling, inflammation, vaginal discharge, pain during sex, pain while urinating and several other symptoms. However one should visit a doctor when any of the above symptoms are noticed.

    Both vaginal yeast infection and bacterial vaginosis have very similar symptoms and this is the reason one should visit a doctor and get the problem properly examined.

    Herbal remedies for bacterial vaginosis work by killing the bad bacteria that causes this problem. These remedies however do not kill the good bacteria that is so essential for preventing this problem from happening again and again.

    Unfortunately women turn to birth control pills and antibiotics that actually disturb the ph balance in the vagina by killing both the good and the bad bacteria. This is the main reason for this problem occurring again and again.

    Here are 4 herbal remedies for bacterial vaginosis that work extremely well:

    1) Garlic pearls or capsules have excellent anti bacterial and anti fungal properties. Make sure to have capsules of correct potency so that it really works to get rid of vaginal bacteria infection. You may have to take these capsules twice a day till you get rid of the problem completely.

    2) Another excellent herbal remedy is an acidophilus pill. Take these pills orally every day. This will help in restoring the vaginal flora to slightly acidic so that BV is prevented.

    3) One of the best herbal remedies for bacterial vaginosis is olive leaf extract. Olive leaf extract helps in treating and preventing BV. This extract is also available in the form of capsules. Follow the dosage details and take the capsules regularly for getting good results.

    4) If you can dilute tea tree oil with olive oil and apply it to the vagina topically you will be able to get rid of vaginal bacteria infection very fast.

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    Source by Lynda Johnson

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  • The Thirteen Steps to Riches, Napoleon Hill – A Brief Look at Each

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    In his book “Think and Grow Rich”, Napoleon Hill talks of the Thirteen Steps to Riches. This information is still as relevant today as it was at the time of publication. This article looks at each of the steps briefly.

    Step 1: Desire

    You need to have a burning desire to achieve success. If you are tentative and timid, then it is not true desire. Have a definite and specific goal for what you want to achieve, and stick to it. Have a plan for how you are going to achieve that goal.

    Step 2: Faith

    Have faith that you really can achieve what you desire. If you have truly believe it, then it is more likely to manifest itself.

    Step 3: Autosuggestion

    Have a mental picture in your mind that you have already achieved what you desire. By replaying this consistently in your mind, you will gain the faith that you need to achieve it.

    Step 4: Specialized Knowledge

    Knowledge is not power, it is potential power. It becomes power if that knowledge is used, and put into definite plans of action. Take the time to learn what you need in order to become an expert in your field of expertise. Associate with others who are already experts and learn from them.

    Step 5: Imagination

    Albert Einstein said “Imagination is everything. It is the preview to life’s coming attractions”. This sums it up beautifully. If you can visualise what you want in life, and then focus on it, it should become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Step 6: Organized Planning

    Once you know what your goal is, you need to have a definite and practical plan for how you are going to achieve it. Put the pieces in place that will help you achieve your success.

    Step 7: Decision

    Come up with a firm decision and stick to it. Don’t let others make your decision for you, and don’t delay your decision or procrastinate.

    Step 8: Persistence

    Lack of persistence keeps many people from great accomplishment. Keep working towards your goal, no matter what obstacles get in your way. Many people give up the minute they reach the slightest obstacle. You have to keep rising above the challenges thrown at you, and keep focusing on your end goal.

    Step 9: Power of the Master Mind

    Often those that are close to us will send us off course with their opinions and ridicule. Surround yourself with like minded people, who are all working towards a common goal. By doing this you create synergy, which is an unstoppable force.

    Step 10: the Mystery of Sex Transmutation

    There are a number of different stimulants that increase the intensity of our thought way beyond the realms of ordinary thought. For example love, a burning desire for fame or financial gain, music, fear. The most powerful of these stimulants is that of sex.

    Step 11: the Subconscious Mind

    The thoughts you have determine what you get in your life. Focus on your plan, and imagine that you have already achieved it.

    Step 12: the Brain

    It has been said that we only use somewhere between 5 and 10 percent of our brain. The rest of our brain power forms the subconscious mind, which is what we need to tap into in order to achieve the successes we desire.

    Step 13: the Sixth Sense

    The ability to use the sixth sense is gained when you apply and master all the previous steps. It takes time to develop it, and it is not something that can be switched on and off at will.

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    Source by Kathy Munslow

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  • Heal Your Sexual Abuse Issues

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    Have you ever experienced sexual abuse? Do you know that the negative experience you had may still be affecting you in the present?

    In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that many women, and even some men, experienced sexual abuse. As I counseled the clients, they became aware of the negative decisions they had made from their sexual exploitation. In fact, many years later those painful thoughts were still affecting their lives in negative ways.

    Some of the symptoms that it still influenced their lives were low self-esteem, avoiding dating, struggling in their relationships, not enjoying their sexuality, hiding their physical beauty, shyness, and doing everything to please others.

    I included 14 hurtful thoughts that caused the above symptoms that I heard from many of the clients of all ages. Can you relate to any of them?

    14 Negative decisions based on sexual abuse include:

    1) I feel shame.

    2) I am bad and dirty.

    3) I am not safe in the world.

    4) I can’t trust men not to hurt me.

    5) My parent or parents betrayed me because they did not protect me.

    6) I can’t trust people I love to be there for me.

    7) I should have stopped it.

    8) Sex is painful, dirty and wrong.

    9) Men want me only for my body.

    10) I feel guilty because it felt good.

    11) I feel different than others; I am an outsider.

    12) I have to hide my secret so people do not judge me.

    13) I have to do what others want me to or I am not safe or loved.

    14) It is not safe for me to get attention from men.

    For example, Susan was molested by her father. As a result, she hated men and that affected all her relationships with the opposite sex. She also was very cute, free- spirited and loving as a child and that is when her father started to molest her. Her decision was many of the above negative beliefs, as well as it is not safe to be free, happy and shine. She just did what people wanted to stay safe. Her self-esteem was very low and that affected her social interactions and professional success. To stuff her pain, she overate and was obese.

    Her mother knew but did nothing to protect Susan. (Mothers often cannot deal with the rejection so they deny it, and may also be afraid of their partners.) To help Susan, I suggested that she imagine her mother in front of her and say, “You did the best you could with the information you had, I forgive you.”

    Then I helped Susan release the other negative thoughts based on her negative experiences, and she felt much better, began speaking up for herself, and her relationship improved.

    By the way, sexual abuse is one major cause of weight issues. Nancy told me that whenever she was thin, men made sexual comments and she did not feel safe. The weight is her wall of protection. “Helene, she said, “I have to make myself unattractive with my unattractive hairstyle, baggy clothes, and fat, for the men to leave me alone!”

    Can you relate to Susan or Nancy? If you do, it would be very beneficial to release those hurtful decisions, so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy life.

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    Source by Helene Rothschild

    Views: 0

  • What Is a Relationship Mission Statement

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    RELATIONSHIP VISION

    Aligning values in relationships is a good thing to do intentionally. Think about how most people go through relationships. Does one person give up important values for the other? Is there conflict in the relationship? These things usually happen when values and beliefs aren’t talked about and don’t align with each other. Most conflicts in any relationship is due to differing values or beliefs. After all if we all agreed on what is most important there would be no need to argue. A Relationship Mission Statement can help!

    WE ALL COME FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS

    Think about how you grew up, your environment, money, food, school and so many other things. Did you partner grow up the same? Did your parents teach you different lessons regarding TV, meals, religion, or friends then you partner? We all bring expectations into our relationships but most likely they aren’t the same for each of us. So why do we think things are supposed to magically work out without talking about it, creating goals, or aligning values. Eventually if the bumps can’t be smoothed out then couples tend to search for someone like me. This is not a bad thing, seeing a professional can be incredibly helpful and restore the peace and longevity of your relationship.

    CHECKING IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

    For now let me provide you a simple way to check in with each other, communicate, and look at the future. Creating a Relationship Vision is a simple and helpful tool. It doesn’t take much time and can really target the lasting happiness of your relationship.

    A few steps to creating a Relationship Vision Sit down by yourself for about 30 minutes. Remember it doesn’t have to be done in one day.

    SIMPLE STEPS TO FOLLOW

    1. Go for the positive

    When brainstorming phrase things in a positive manner. For example instead of saying “we don’t argue” say “we will settle things calmly and peacefully” or “we trust each other” instead of “we won’t be jealous”.

    2. Write down your non-negotiables and desires

    Write down your “must-haves” such as “we will parent together” or “exercise is important” or “we will communicate openly and respect each other’s perspective”. You could also write things like, “going outside of our union is non negotiable”, “monogamy is of the utmost importance “, “attending church is a priority”, “traveling and experiencing the world with my partner is a high priority.” Make sure it’s not a laundry list for your partner, i.e. he mows the lawn and she does the laundry.

    3. Explore several areas of a relationship

    Since we have a multifaceted life it is important to address as many of these as you feel necessary. Expressing wants, desires, and values with sex, finances, lifestyle, parenting, career in-laws, leisure time and education are just a few of the things you may want to consider in You Relationship Vision. Answer questions about these topics such as what do I enjoy in my free time? How important are finances? Do I want to work full time? Do I need a 401k? What about insurance? Does my job need to provide this? What percentage or amount of time do we spend with in-laws? How do we allow them to interact with the children? Is sex satisfying? Do we want to explore new sexual ideals? Do the answers align with my values?

    4. Come together

    Come together as a couple and discuss the things you agree on first. Then Discuss what is negotiable and create short sentences expressing what is important to both of you. Leave the things that you don’t agree on for last. See if you can compromise on these issues if not this is where someone like me comes in. Having a professional help couples work through the hard stuff is helpful and will benefit your relationship for a lifetime.

    5. Come up with your statement.

    It doesn’t have to be long, complicated or directive. As a matter of practicality it’s better to make it succinct, covering the overarching theme of your intentions for your relationship.

    Examples

    We are co-creators of our lives, sharing a desire to love and be loved unconditionally, by consciously determining our behaviors and the outcomes we wish for ourselves and our family. We value respect, trust, non-judgment and self-control. We bring our best selves to this union, casting out destructive, egocentric motivations so that we may achieve the most positive and loving lifestyle we are capable of.

    We agree to always love and cherish each other and recognize how fortunate we both are; each of us consider ourselves the ‘lucky one.’ We build a healthy lifestyle together, where we support each other in getting exercise, eating well, having fun, resting and relaxing. We make all important decisions together, as a team. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We confide in each other and feel safe in each other’s care.

    We’re together to build a loving family and teach our children about healthy relationships. We create a sense of stability by having some routine but also make time for fun and spontaneity. We don’t intentionally hurt each other, but recognize we still do – and so we quickly and readily apologize. We take care of each other.

    6. Schedule a time

    Weekly, monthly, quarterly or whatever works for you, but make sure you come together to gauge if you are on track. This is the best way to ensure you both get your needs met and can address it if you’ve gotten off track. This will also provide space for growth. Since nothing in life stays the same, people, situations, events, or relationships, this provides room to renegotiate, change your Relationship Vision as the both of you change.

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    Source by Roxanna Teeling

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  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0