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Tag: Separation

  • Heal Your Broken Heart With Heart Touching Poems

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    Being in love is an amazing experience in itself. Countless days and nights thinking about someone and the moments you spend with them takes you in a world which is far away from reality and seems just like heaven. Lots of promises and commitments for spending the life together is an essence that can never be forgotten. Unfortunately, all the couples are not so blessed; they have to face the separation in the mean of their love journey.

    Whatever the reason may be either the circumstances or the misunderstandings, it seems like all the happiness is going too far from their life. At that time one feels that he should lock himself in a dark room and keep on talking with those memories. It feels like the whole world is laughing on the separation of two hearts.

    Generally, those broken heart guys love to read their previous chats, messages, and letters again and again. No one knows why people do this while the fact is it’s the power of words that take them to rewind all their memorable moments and tears automatically comes out of their eyes. World witnessed that power of word can change an enemy into a friend and vice-versa.

    Love poem have proved their significant existence in the life of the broken heart guys. These love separations have given birth to popular poets. Every one of them has their own love story and unforgettable memories behind those words of the poem. If you are also among the ones that are not so blessed to have your partner with you for lifetime and one thing may work in your favor at this time.

    Try to write your feelings in the form of poem instead of sharing them with all. Once people will show you sympathy but they will not listen to you again and again. And a time will come when they may also hurt you by making fun of your feelings.

    Writing such poems will not only give your heart a relief but a writer may come out from you. With time it may become your hobby which may transform into strength. Though, it’s also true no one can forget their first love. But, sooner or later everyone has to overcome from this deadly experience.

    Remember that, you are doing this for your own benefit. Because when you will complete one poem you will definitely feel the need to write the other. You may notice that different elements of your pain come out of your heart – at first may be pity and then regret but definitely a glimmer of hope will come someday. Just keep on writing whatever bubble ups from the heart to the surface of your mind. Always remember that time is the biggest ointment that will definitely fade out those memories from your life. No matter how far the person has moved away you will definitely learn to live a happy life.

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    Source by Sarika Kataria

    Views: 0

  • Thinking of Divorcing Your Spouse? Save Your Marriage Today

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    There are questions you need to ask yourself when you notice an initial problem in your marriage. Are you unhappy in your marriage and if so, why? Is your spouse happy? Do you experience pain or joy in your marriage? Why are you not happy now after you got married? Why did the happiness before marriage succeeding disappear?

    A lot of marriages were resolved after a series of questions the couples ask themselves. This is the time to think, discuss with your spouse solutions to problems in your relationship. The couples should realize that honesty plays a very important role in this regard.

    The couples should know that marriage is an institution. It is designed by God to help and support each other through sadness and happiness. Normally, there will definitely be some misunderstanding among the couples which may give rise to conflicts, but both of you should be determined that the marriage must work. With this determination, the Devil will find it difficult to penetrate into your marital affairs.

    When you notice that your marriage is about to hit the rock, you should start thinking of saving the marriage because it is quite difficult, frustrating and boring to live alone. The best thing is to save your marriage from total collapse.

    The first thing for the couple is to talk to each other and try to understand the problem when seeking solutions. This method, however, should work because if you were able to develop a love for each other then you should be able to resolve any marital issues on your own without involving any third party

    However, if this method fails the next option is to seek out an advice from friends, family or religious leaders. But the couple should critically examine this advice whether it is appropriate or not as wrong advice can destroy the relationships.

    The third option is to go for counseling which is always very effective in solving marital problems especially if the advice is from a professional counselor. They should, however, be truthful, and openly discuss their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. In addition, attending marriage seminars can also help.

    The fourth advice is for the couple to agree for temporary separation. This method has helped so many couples around the world to solve their marriage problems which will enable them to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. Temporary separation is reversible and its main purpose is to develop the skills of resolving problems which will improve the relationship.

    Anyone of the above advice will surely help in saving your marriage from total collapse.

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    Source by Dr Olusola A Coker Ed.D

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  • Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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    Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

    Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

    Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

    Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

    Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

    Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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    Source by Shuford Davis

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  • Can Animals Get PTSD? Yes! Animal Communication and Energy Healing Can Help

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    Today, many rescued animals experience PTSD. They need help to heal before they can integrate into your family. Animal Communication and Energy Healing are two powerful tools to assist them.

    Why do so many animals experience trauma today?

    Many of the reasons are similar to those experiences that can cause PTSD in humans.

    ~~ Too early separation from the mother dog, cat, or horse, for whatever reason.

    ~~ Separation from their human family due to hurricanes, storms, flooding, fires, earthquakes, and other weather or earth-changing event in which people and their animals can become separated.

    ~~ Being shuffled from one rescue place to another in the genuinely loving effort to find the rescued animal a new home.

    ~~ Traumatic loss because the family is no longer able to keep the animal due to financial and/or health changes.

    ~~ When animals are dropped off at shelters or abandoned without explanation, they are confused, scared, hurt, angry, grieving, and afraid – just to name a few emotions that come up for them.

    ~~ When the shelter is one that kills animals after so many days, the animals know they might be killed, and the spirits of other animals killed there may be lingering, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

    This is not a complete list, but this list illustrates that one or more of these experiences may make integrating into a new loving family a challenge for the animal you’ve so lovingly adopted.

    The good news is that animals can recover from PTSD.

    When you adopt an animal from a rescue facility, you may not realize immediately that the animal is having difficulty adjusting.

    I’ve had clients ask for my assistance after struggling for a year or more to connect with a cat or dog or horse who has experienced a traumatic event.

    These clients are good, kind, loving, nurturing people who have tried everything they can think of to help their new animal companion adjust. Often they have been pouring love to an animal who is not open to receiving it.

    Of course, the sooner you ask for assistance, the sooner you and the animal will begin to build trust and open a loving connection between you.

    When an animal is emotionally shut down, afraid of experiencing yet another loss, and/or distrustful that this will be their “forever” home, something else must be added to the equation to assist them.

    Whatever history you have about the animal is also a very important piece of the puzzle.

    Using my Animal Communication and energy healing skills, I can offer you and your new companion special assistance.

    Over several sessions, I am able to establish a rapport with an animal who is very shut down.

    It can actually help me connect with them because I’m not physically present.

    Working from a distance, I can easily make a telepathic connection, which some animals experience as less intrusive than a human stranger being physically in the animal’s space.

    Furthermore, telepathically and energetically…

    ~~ I can feel what the animal is feeling because I’m a strong emotional empath.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal has a huge wall around themselves, or just needs some additional reassurance.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal is distrustful and can suggest ways of building trust.

    ~~ I can often feel if the animal is hiding something or lying to me and/or to themselves.

    ~~ I can ask other animals in your family for any insights they want to share, assuming they have already met the new family member. These often prove to be of immense value in understanding what’s going on with an animal who is too closed down to share very much.

    ~~ I can scan the animal energetically, with the animal’s permission, to pick up energy patterns in their auric field, chakras, and physical body.

    Once we have a better understanding of what’s going on for that animal, we together develop a plan of action.

    ~~ Sometimes Flower Essences are a good way to start. I am able to suggest appropriate essences to assist you and your animal companion(s).

    ~~ As a Certified Practitioner of The Emotion Code™, developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson, I know what a valuable tool this is for assisting an animal with PTSD. (This system has also been shown to be effective with humans.) Releasing emotional blocks and reducing or eliminating walls around their hearts will bring about huge healing shifts.

    ~~ As a Certified Multidimensional Healer, I work with healing teams from Source to remove the energy patterns of trauma, repair chakras and other damaged areas, assist the animal’s bodies to rebalance, and bring the animal into a space of harmony, peace, and openness to their new life circumstances.

    ~~ I may also refer you to other practitioners who offer many other alternative services that will assist the animal, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, Theta Healing, and basic training for dogs and horses.

    Having a “plan of action” helps you and the animal know what next steps to take and have a sense that there truly is hope of healing the animal and the entire situation.

    Have you recently brought home a new animal or are planning to adopt from a rescue place?

    If so, keep in mind that while coming to your home is the best thing for this animal, in some cases you many need to take some extra steps to help the animal integrate and become part of your loving family.

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    Source by Nedda Wittels

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  • Should I Still Be Saying "I Love You" To My Separated Spouse?

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    When you are in the middle of a separation that you never wanted in the first place, it can be tempting to want to remind your spouse that they are still married to someone who still loves them very much. I know first hand that there can be a real worry that if they are outside of your presence, they will begin to forget what they loved about you. Or they will find that the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is actually true.

    So it may be your normal inclination to tell your separated spouse that you love them every time you talk with or see them. And this is absolutely fine – so long as you are getting an enthusiastic response in reply. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

    A wife might say: “I know that it sounds desperate and needy. But I can not help it. Every time I talk to my separated husband, I tell him that I love him right before we hang up. I have done this for all the years that I have known him and old habits die hard. At the beginning of our separation, this seemed OK. But the last couple of times, I’ve noticed that he has hesitated before he gives a response. Last night, he didn’t say anything in response. I don’t mean to be dense. Obviously, he probably thinks that I am doing something wrong or he doesn’t want to hear me tell him that I love him during the separation. But not saying it feels like a lie. It feels like playing games or holding back. Am I supposed to pretend that I don’t love him? Because I find that ridiculous. I do love him. And it seems silly to me that I am not supposed to say it every day in the same way that I have for many years. Do I have to stop?”

    That is really up to you. I would never tell someone what to do during their marriage or during their separation. I can tell you what came to be my opinion as the result of a similar situation that I was in. But, I know that all situations are different. So I can’t say that what worked for me will work for you.

    But, during my own separation, it eventually became very clear that my husband was not receptive to me acting in the same way that I did while we were still happily married. When I tried to act as if we were any other married couple or that nothing was wrong, he would act distant or he would start to avoid me. If I pushed, it would get even worse and I would have to work very hard to even get him to take my calls. Frankly, there were times when I could almost literally feel him wince when I told him I loved him.

    As hard as it was to accept, I started to realize that if I didn’t change some things, I might be making this situation a whole lot worse. So I made a conscious decision to back off some. Did this mean I didn’t love my husband? No, if anything, I loved him just as much if not more. But I knew that if I was going to have a chance to maintain that love, I was going to have to find the strategy that brought him closer to me rather than pushing further away.

    And when I tried to push my love on to him, this definitely made him pull further away. So, I toned down my demonstrations and declarations of love. I told myself that this was only temporary, but it was difficult. Still, I knew what was most important was my long term goal and not my declarations of love in the moment.

    My backing off did eventually make things better because it eventually made my husband more receptive to me again. And his being receptive to me meant that we got to spend more time together – which never would have happened if I had continued on with my pushing.

    I can’t tell you what will work in your own situation. I can only suggest that if you notice something not working, then it sometimes makes sense to test out something else – if only once. Perhaps next time you talk to your husband and it is time to sign off, you might try something like: “tonight, I’m not going to insist that I love you, even though I do. I sense that it makes you uncomfortable. But I didn’t want you to think that I was angry or anything. I’m just trying to respect your wishes and not push.”

    At this point, your husband could reassure you that the loving phrases are fine. Or, he may not say anything – in which case his silence speaks volumes. If you do decide to back off and you find that the next time you talk, he seems more comfortable, then you may speculate that backing off a little has helped.

    I know that it might seem weird and almost dishonest to hold back with your own spouse. But a separation can be a very fragile time in a relationship – especially when one spouse has asked for space or isn’t sure what he wants. It become my opinion that if backing off a little is what it took for my husband to eventually be available to me, I was willing to pay that price at the time. Because I knew that it was part of a long-term strategy that was going to mean that I wouldn’t have to hold back once we reconciled.

    Today, I tell him that I love him all of the time, so holding off was worth it to me. And I believe it helped. But every situation is different. In some situations, both spouses are perfectly comfortable with still saying they love one another. And that’s wonderful. But it was not my reality. Still, if every one is happy, then I don’t see any reason to hold back.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Wanted The Separation, But Now He’s Constantly Trying To Keep Tabs On Me

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s conflicting behavior during a martial separation. Often, he is the one who initiated the separation and it seems as if he almost can’t wait to leave. But as soon as the couple are living apart, suddenly the husband wants to keep tabs on the wife or seems particularly interested in her day to day activities.

    I heard from a wife who said: “my husband has been wanting to separate for a while. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but after listening to him insist upon it for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go and live with my sister for a little while. Since he was so anxious to get rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, although I knew that I would miss him terribly. I’ve been gone only two days, but now he is constantly calling me and wanting to know what I’m doing. I will answer the phone and the first thing he says to me is ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory way. The truth is, I’m not doing anything and I tell him so. Why does he even ask? He couldn’t get rid of me quickly enough and now it’s like he wants to keep checking on me. What is going on?” I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.

    He May Just Be Missing You: Men often envision having all kinds of peace and quiet so that they can think. But, sometimes this just isn’t the reality. Sometimes all that silence brings about is loneliness. And then he can start to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. And he looks around and notices that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, it might make things easier if he would just tell you all of this, but many men will not. Instead, they’ll call you and do annoying things like asking what, or how, you are doing.

    He Might Be Feeling Insecure: It’s very common for separated spouses to admit that they at least partly suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse might be acting on this suspicion or just looking for reassurance, which leads me to my next point.

    He’s Trying To Determine Your Frame Of Mind: It’s common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have a strong suspicions that you are going to be resentful and angry. Therefore, he might want to keep in close touch to gauge your feelings. He may want to see if your resentment is going to drive you away. And he may be feeling some remorse for his actions.

    Taking Some Positive Implications From These Annoying Questions: I know that this is probably very frustrating. But there is some positive indications here. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking about you at all and was living it up and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, this was hopefully good news to her.

    How To Respond When He Keeps Calling And Asking What You’re Doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And ultimately, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know that it’s tempting to say something like ‘well what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here staring at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home for your silly separation,’ but this is a bad idea. Because you don’t want to discourage him from reaching out to you. Instead, you want to make him want to check in and initiate contact with you. So, as difficult as it may be, try to sound as upbeat as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is the wrong call too, because it brings about pain and makes him want to avoid you. With that said, you don’t want to make it sound as if you are sitting by the phone waiting for his call. You want for him to know that you have too much self respect for that.

    An appropriate response might be something like: “not much. I’m just spending some time with my sister. We’ll probably go out and grab some dinner in a little while. What are you doing?”

    Notice I was light hearted and I turned the question back to him. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. By asking what he was doing, you’re leaving it open ended for him to share his feelings. He might say that he’s not doing anything because he’s lonely. Or he might say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is to not engage with him and don’t ask him why he keeps calling you with his silly questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means he is interested and that he is reaching out. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives at all, let alone care about their experiences or feelings.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Aromatherapy – Nature’s Fragrant Medicine

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    We all know how fragrances make us feel. Some aromas make us euphoric, others have a more soothing effect, and specific familiar smells can transport us back in time and bring on feelings of nostalgia. The psychological and emotional effects of fragrance and the extreme importance of our sense of smell are obvious. But, did you know these same fragrances can also be used to heal your body and create well-being in your life? Aromatherapy is a well-known technique amongst healers from all parts of the world and all civilizations.

    What do they know that you don’t?

    As with Color Therapy, Sound Healing, Crystal Healing, and Energy Therapy, the aim of Aromatherapy, within the scope of healing, is to activate the senses of the body. The goal is to eliminate the conditioned, logical, and analytical mind, thus activating the wonderful reality of “feeling” and experiencing life in it most empirical and purest form. It is in this empirical state, that we are able to break the illusions of separation and connect on a deeper level with the energies that surround us. Dr. Richard Gerber MD, author of Vibrational Medicine, tells us that one of the best ways we can change dysfunctional patterns in our energy bodies is to administer therapeutic doses of frequency-specific energy. We do this by using herbs, crystals, sound, and energy also called vibrational medicines.

    It is common knowledge and practice, that scent can affect physical and psychological changes in living beings. We experience it regularly in our daily lives. When we smell a fragrance, it triggers an immediate emotion or feeling, that makes us happy, excited, calm or even nostalgic. Aromatherapy, practiced throughout thousands of years, dating back to the ancient Egyptians and the Vedic culture of India, where plant extracts and medicinal plants are still widely used.

    The term Aromatherapy was coined in 1937, by a French perfumer and chemist by the name of Rene-Maurice Gatterfosee. Aromatherapy is the holistic science of utilizing naturally extracted essences from plants to balance, harmonize and promote the health of body, mind, and spirit. Through the knowledgeable and controlled use of essential oils, we are able to achieve physical, emotional health, and overall well-being. As with other holistic practices, Aromatherapy is always used to treat the “whole” person and not just the symptom or the disease.The application of essential oils is historically mentioned countless times and throughout diverse civilizations (Egyptians, Greeks, Romans etc.) for a variety of health-related applications. Today, there are thousands of studies on essential oils. We know that their effectiveness is accurately merited by their composition of very small molecules, that are able to penetrate deeply and quickly into our cells (Transdermal delivery).

    The sense of smell is the most neglected of all the senses in humans. This is surprising when we consider that seventy to seventy-five percent of what we perceive as taste, actually comes from our sense of smell. The neurons that sense the odor molecules, lie deep within the nasal cavity, in a patch of cells called the olfactory epithelium. To understand how odor is humanly perceived, it is important to know why the limbic system allows us to behave differently when experiencing different odors. The Limbic system is a complex system of nerves and networks in the brain, involving several areas near the edge of the cortex, related to our instinct and mood. It also controls our most basic emotions (fear, pleasure, anger) and drives (hunger, sex, dominance, care of offspring). A very important aspect of smell is that olfactory neurons make up the only sensory pathway, that is in direct contact with the brain. Because of the close connection to the limbic center, feelings and emotions can naturally be regulated, as well as memory.

    The application and uses of Aromatherapy in healing, obey the same Universal Law that everything vibrates at different and specific frequencies. Every atom in the universe has a specific vibratory or periodic motion. Most plants (and animals,) use enzymes to break down molecular components during their life processes. And, each of these enzymes has a unique crystalline form with a specific vibratory frequency. The vibrational frequency of an oil reflects the innate integrity of these elements and the intrinsic enzymes embodied within its substance.

    The process of using Aromatherapy in healing treatments is to apply plant-derived oils with the correct matching frequency. Therefore, allowing the physical body to absorb these energetic vibrations and bring the body back to a state of well-being and equilibrium. Essential oils do not resonate with the toxins in our bodies; neither, do they resonate with negative emotions. This incompatibility is what naturally helps remove toxins and toxic energy from our systems. Aromatherapy, energetically speaking, can help dislodge forgotten traumas by surfacing them in our consciousness. For, it is in a state of consciousness that we can face, deal with them, and let them go. The therapeutic properties of this method, create exceptional vibrational remedies, capable of healing or rebalancing the body/mind/soul/spirit. Essential oils can regularly be used in body oils for massage, facial/body lotions and oils, baths, inhalation, diffusion, and on the energy points on your body.

    It is fairly simple to integrate Aromatherapy into your daily life. You do not need to be a master of plants and herbs. Choose a few. Learn about their energetic properties. Smell each oil. How do they make you feel? Once you have narrowed down your list and hand chosen your favorites, here are some DIY ideas:

    • Place a few drops on a tissue and place it in the air vents in your car. Enjoy Aromatherapy anywhere you go. No need to schedule extra time to enjoy the benefits of essential oils.
    • You can mix your favorite oils with coconut or jojoba oil (my favorites) and use them instead of your regular perfume.
    • Mix your essential oil in distilled water. Then, using a spray bottle, spray it as an air freshener around the house. You can also spray it on your favorite pillows and throws.

    Be Creative! You Are Unique!

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    Source by Susan Vilanova

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Says That I Am Too High Maintenance

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    Any complaint that causes your husband to disconnect from your marriage, to distance himself from you, or to consider a separation hurts. There is no scenario where this isn’t painful. But I suspect that it can feel a little more painful when the reason for his distance seems personal.

    What I mean by that is that sometimes, a man will be unhappy because of reasons that have to do with him. He may be having a midlife crisis. He may believe that marriage doesn’t suit his ideology. He may be having a personal crisis. I am not saying that these scenarios are not horribly painful. They are. But at least the wife has no reason to blame herself.

    And then there are the scenarios where things do feel personal. These are the instances where your husband is blaming the issues in the marriage on the wife. It could be something that she has done or something about her, about her actions, or about her personality that is the supposed problem.

    Here’s an example. A husband might tell his wife that being with her is “exhausting.” She might explain: “for the past three months or so, I have been noticing my husband acting distant and weird. I confronted him about it right away, but he denied that there was a problem. Then we were at a family gathering this weekend and it was held outside in 90 degree heat. Like everyone else, I said it was hot and wanted to leave after dinner because I felt sick. My husband got angry at me and said he was tired of dealing with my ‘high maintenance personality.’ As we were leaving, he said that being married to me is ‘exhausting’ and that he may want a separation because he can not stand living his life this way anymore. He says that nothing makes me happy and that I can’t just sit back and roll with the punches of life like a normal person. He says that I am spoiled. He says that he feels like he always has to pick up the slack. I admit that I am not as thick skinned as some when it comes to sitting in the heat all day, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. And he knew that when he married me. I told him that I could try to change and he said that people like me never change and that we are just not compatible. He says that I make him ‘feel tired’ and he doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Where does that leave me? I don’t want to lose my husband. This really hurts my feelings and feels like a personal attack. But I could forgive it and move on if he would give me the chance. The problem is that he does not seem at all receptive to me right now.”

    I understand why you are hurt. These types of issues can feel, and sound, like a criticism. When someone tells you that you are ‘exhausting,’ that phrase makes it seem as if they no longer want to do the work to keep up with you. Of course it hurts.

    Understand The Context In Which The Comments Were Made: I think that your husband’s ‘fatigue’ might be due to the fact that the maintenance issue may have bothered him for a while, but he sat silent and said nothing – even when you asked him what was bothering him. So things built up until they exploded. His silence is not your fault. And things may have been easier now if he had addressed the problem much earlier – before he became so angry that he lashed out at you.

    Know That Context Doesn’t Mean That It Isn’t Time To Take Action: It’s normal to hope that this will blow over. And it may – for now. But any time a husband is uttering words that indicate he is tired of your marriage or thinks that there is a compatibility issue, you want to pay very close attention and you want to take action right away. I say this not to scare you, but from the concerned place of someone who was in a similar situation. I hoped for the problem to pass over, but I ultimately ending up separated. I think that I possibly could have avoided that fate by taking action at the first sign of trouble.

    Moving Forward Quickly: It’s unfortunate that your husband waited so long to share that this issue has been bothering him, but you can’t undo that at this point. What you can do, however, is be careful of what (and who) you are presenting to him moving forward. It doesn’t sound as if he has made definite plans to move out or to pursue a separation, which means that you may have some time to address this.

    Sit back and be really honest with yourself. Which of his concerns have some validity? What is he right about? Is this issue something that other friends and family members have expressed? If so, then there is nothing wrong with addressing it. Sometimes, it takes a painful situation to stimulate growth. If you take this and use it to move you forward so that you grow and improve in some way, then at least the pain will have been for something. At least you can use this as a stimulus to improve your marriage.

    If you are very honest and you find that his words do not have validity, then you may went to dig a little deeper. Sometimes, a husband will project another problem onto to what is obvious or handy. It may not have been the heat or your personality at all during that family gathering. But the situation might have given your husband an easy explanation. Sometimes, a husband can be frustrated and not quite sure why. That’s one more reason why it’s very important to be extremely observant right now – so that you are taking action on the items that are truly at issue.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Should You Attempt To Show Your Spouse Affection During A Marital Separation?

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    Many people who are reluctantly separated are not sure how they are supposed to act around their separated spouse. This can seem very odd. After all, this is your spouse that we are talking about. Chances are, you have known him for a very long time and being around him should feel as natural as breathing. However, if you are separated and want to reconcile, you can sometimes sense that you are on shaky ground with your spouse. You don’t want to do or say anything that will make him uncomfortable or drive him away. And yet, the wish to reach out to him can be hard to ignore.

    Someone might ask, “How do people handle the showing of affection during trial separations? My husband and I have only been separated for a short time and honestly, I’m not quite sure of protocol here. My husband was over visiting the kids this weekend and we were discussing a sad issue with my husband’s extended family. My husband was upset and I went to hug him, with no ulterior motive whatsoever. I simply wanted to give him some comfort. I didn’t really think about it beforehand. But when I did it, I felt my husband bristle. He literally stiffened at my touch. I pulled away and tried not to make a big deal of it. Later I talked about this with one of my friends and she suggested that perhaps I should not show physical affection to my husband while we are separated. She said that when you separated, you aren’t necessarily loving on one another. Is this true? Should I not be showing affection to my husband right now? He wanted to separate. I did not, but none of this means that I don’t love him anymore. If I shouldn’t show him affection, I could stop. But I don’t really want to. I feel like I’ve already lost so much. Do people really not show affection while separated?”

    It really does depend on the couple. I know some couples who continue to hug, kiss, have sex, etc, while separated. And I know others who hesitate to touch in any way. There is really no hard and fast rule about this. And in my opinion and observation (based and on my own separation,) I think that it is best if you either follow the understandings that you’ve already established. Or, if you have not established boundaries, you either ask now or read your spouse’s cues to determine his comfort level.

    My husband seemed pretty uncomfortable in similar situations and finally I just asked him. I literally said, “Should I not do this?” when I attempted to reach out to him. My husband didn’t flat out tell me no, but he was clearly not comfortable with physical affection in the beginning of our separation. So I eventually decided to just allow him to take the lead. That way, I didn’t have to worry about doing something that would hurt communication between us. Instead, I eventually focused on trying to be comfortable and to laugh and relax with one another so that he’d want to keep communicating. Further down the road, he was the one to initiate physical affection and I believe that this worked best for us, but that may not be true of every couple.

    I do also know that things may change from one day to the next. There might be a time when your spouse pulls away from you and then three days later, he’s reaching out to hug you. It can certainly be confusing and can give you mixed signals. However, I don’t think that you can ever go wrong by being friendly and supportive, but also observant as to how he is acting and how receptive that he might be at the time.

    I realize that this is frustrating. I used to think during my own separation that it just should not be so hard to know how to act around my own husband. But I think that if I would have pressed the issue and pushed affection when he wasn’t receptive, that might have delayed our progress even more. I learned that you really do have to take a gradual approach and just accept the progress that you are given.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Dealing With Relationship Stress

    Dealing With Relationship Stress

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    The start to a relationship is often high-spirited when couples tend to fall head over heels for each other. The urgency to talk and meet is so intense that time seems to fly initially. However, when the euphoria settles and one gets used to the partner, real time problems start surfacing. At times, things might get so stressful that the partners start contemplating separation. At others, the stress slowly pushes them to the brink of developing mental disorders like depression and anxiety.

    Breaking the bond is the easiest thing to do, but, the actual strength of a relationship lies in dealing with the relationship stress together, as a couple and bringing back harmony. Unfortunately, not many couples have the patience to walk through the stressful times together. Yet, one must remember that it is a choice. Either one can work as a team and emerge stronger or one may decide to deal with the stress individually and let the relationship weaken. Given below are some of the ways in which relationship stress can be handled and the development of mental disorders prevented:

    • Accepting each other as is – It is important to understand that reality is far from the rom-com movies that we watch and romantic novels that we read. Expecting your partner to be perfect all the time is not realistic. All of us are flawed. Expecting too much paves the way for intense pressure and disappointments in the long run. Thus, one must accept their partner as is and focus on their strengths.

    • Communicating constructively – When faced with problems, some couples tend to go on silent mode with long periods of no communication. This is a recipe for disaster. One must muster the courage to break the silence and address the issues that have hampered the equation. Moreover, one must express their feelings gently. Shouting and not listening to the other person’s perspective is damaging and would do nothing to rebuild the relationship.

    • De-stressing together – Couples must de-stress together. This can be achieved by going on a holiday, attending concerts, going for walks, learning some hobby together, watching movies, and indulging in any activities that both the partners enjoy. Getting intimate is also indispensable to relieve stress in a relationship. Some couples avoid intimacy when they have unresolved conflicts, however, it is important to make love as that might set you talking and help resolve the unsaid issues.

    • Avoiding blame game – It is important to understand that in a relationship, both the partners are in the same team. Pushing down the other person by constant blaming them can get tiring and destructive for the health of the relationship. In addition, it is also critical to apologize sincerely once they understand that they are at fault.

    • Keeping up social networking – Sometimes, a couple gets so obsessed with each other that they forget about their social obligations. While the option of spending all your time with each other might seem interesting at first, over time, it may bring boredom into the equation. It might also build a lot of stress and socializing might offer a vent to it. Thus, one must keep in touch with their friends and relatives and meet them as often as possible.

    • Investing on self – It is vital to be present for each other in a relationship, however, one must not forget themselves. One must, therefore, ensure that they invest some time and resources on taking care of the self also. Eating right, getting adequate sleep, indulging in some sort of physical activity, getting a massage, etc., can help build self-esteem and invigorate the spirits of an individual.

    Seeking professional help for stress

    Sometimes, despite best intentions and efforts, it gets very difficult to reach a stage of equilibrium in a relationship. In such cases, the continuous stress may lead to the development of mental disorders like depression and anxiety.

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    Source by Susan Navarez

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