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Tag: Relationships

  • When You're Back on the Dating Scene

    When You're Back on the Dating Scene

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    With so many relationships breaking down and such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce it's no wonder that many of us will, at some point, end up back on the dating scene.

    We may be older and wiser, a little battered and bruised, but often, once we're ready to date again, thinking about rejoining the fray, we'll be harboring the fantasy of meeting someone special. Back on the dating scene means being optimistic, hopeful and looking forward to finding love again.

    What do we need to consider when we're back on the dating scene?

    – Our previous relationship experiences may have scarred our view and made us wary of what might go wrong. We may be keen to meet someone new but are nervous of trusting again. Cynicism of others' motives and being uncertain of our own instincts after getting it wrong may be sensible forms of self-protection, but if we treat all new dates with apprehension they will quickly sense our hesitancy and lack of enthusiasm. It's not going to bode well if we're on permanent alert, suspicious of their comments, behavior or intentions.

    Counseling and hypnotherapy can be a useful start to the healing process and a good way to deal with past upsets. Therapy can help us to improve our confidence, self-esteem and remedy unwanted habit patterns, so becoming more assertive in an appropriate adult way. Don't forget that most potential dates will have their own story too, with their concerns, unease and fears. Starting out, second time around, can be a cautious time for both.

    – This can be a good time to do things that boost your confidence. Maybe your wardrobe, make up or grooming regime need a refresh. Small changes can make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself and often cost very little to implement. Pay attention to current affairs, popular TV and local events so that you can easily join in conversations and offer relevant opinions. Think about picking up a hobby or interest, volunteering or joining a course. Exams don't have to be a factor!

    – You may have to deal with children who are not too impressed at the thought of you dating again. They may have been through the damage of the breakup, witnessed the pain of the divorce and are used to you being around, more like your old self and always there for them. The thought of a new 'mum' or 'dad' arriving on the scene may fill them with horror.

    Dependant on their age and awareness of the reasons for the breakup, they may have put your ex on a pedestal, especially if he or she is seen as the victim, all alone and struggling to recover. Giving you 'permission' to starting dating again might seem like a step too far and incredibly disloyal.

    Children's jealousy, resentment and emotional blackmail may need to be navigated with kind but firm determination, especially if they refuse to share you or treat any potential serious new relationship with shock or disdain. Sometimes it's advisable to keep the fact that you're dating private until you're confident that this new relationship is right for you, even if that decision remains in place for months or even years, until the children are older or more settled.

    And if they do insist on overseeing your love life it's important to refuse to allow yourself to be bullied by them. Older children are often determined to live their life on their terms, but equally they must allow you to do the same.

    – Ageing, older parents can sometimes start to increase their demands just as you're ready to start back on the dating scene. They may be increasingly fragile and in need of greater levels of support. There may be concerns at leaving them unattended for too long, or that you could be called away at a moments notice. It could make the notion of dating again seem like too much hassle.

    But supportive friends or the services offered by many local care agencies could potentially step into the breach and provide whatever level of support is required to help ease those concerns. And mobile phones make us all easily accessible.

    – Friends too can send mixed messages. Sometimes at the outset, they may display great enthusiasm about getting you back on the dating scene. They may be keen to introduce you to single friends, arrange coffees, support you as you aim to lose a little weight and update your image. But then, if you become more committed to dating reality may sink in for them. The awareness that if you become serious about someone new and how it could significantly change your close, supportive relationship may hit them hard and prompt them to revise their approach.

    Become aware of them starting to discourage you or of them regularly finding fault with your new love interest. Trust your gut and pay attention to any reasonable concerns they may have, but also appreciate that other people's perception of your date will be different to yours, especially if they're coming from a long-established, cozy, familiar relationship scenario.

    Have some fun, take good care of yourself and enjoy getting back on the dating scene!

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    Source by Susan Leigh

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  • The Gay Solution (1): Finding a Loving Male Partner to Marry

    The Gay Solution (1): Finding a Loving Male Partner to Marry

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    Sex without love wouldn't satisfy you for more than 15 minutes and love without sex wouldn't satisfy you at all. So how do you find both in the same man? That was the question I left you with in a previous article.

    A friend of mine is a life-insurance broker. He always says that there is only one rule for survival in sales and that is see people, see people, and see people. It's a numbers game. Of all the people you are going to see only between 2 and 10% will buy from you, so the more you see, the better your sales. Meeting people is exactly the same; the more people you meet, the better your chance of meeting the right person. Luckily there are a few possibilities in meeting new people.

    The older guys (read: even older than I am) tell us that they didn't have gay clubs, bars, or dating services so they had to refine their gaydar and flirting skills. The fact is that those skills are still just as valuable today as they were years ago. Another important skill is taking it one step at a time. Two types of guys never end up with a perfect match; those who fly off in a second, and those who never come out of the starting block. The guys that fly off are proposing marriage before they even know the other guy, and those in the starting blocks only stare evening in and evening out.

    If you are a flyer you need to relax. Look for friends in stead of possible partners. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a guy who hits on you after he has tried everybody else on his way to your table. Friendly people have a few good friends, many acquaintances, and two or three possible people they might be interested in. Guys who try to fly into serious relationships have no friends, one or two acquaintances, and the whole city as possible people they are interested in. The important thing you should learn from this is that you start by meeting lots of people, you will find a few very good friends among them, and in time you will meet somebody you are really interested in. Flyers always run the risk of getting their heart broken on a weekly basis. You can never keep up with who they are in love with – it changes every time you see them, and every month or two they try you yet again. That is when you decide to ignore them completely.

    The guys who never take off are almost in the same position. They see a possibility every night, but they are too scared to do anything about it. They look a bit weird if they stand in a corner ogling everybody so you ignore them as well. They have a few acquaintances that turns into friends because they normally end up in a group of seekers – waiting for something that never happens. If you are in such a group get out and start building your self-esteem. If you do not think that you are good enough as a partner, nobody else will believe in you either.

    With that in your mind go back to the gay clubs, gay bars, dating sites, and the gay section of your local bookstore – start by making friends, being a good friend, and enjoying friendship for its own rewards. Stay away from the friend-zone – that is the ogling bunch in the corner. You will do fine.

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    Source by Brand Doubell

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  • Direct Sales Team Vs Distributor – Which is Better For an International Market?

    Direct Sales Team Vs Distributor – Which is Better For an International Market?

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    If you’re looking to expand your sales to new markets, then there’s one big question you must ask: do I build a direct sales presence or use a distributor? Each method has its benefits and drawbacks, but we’re going to make a strong case to use one method over the other in almost every instance.

    What’s the difference between direct sales and distributors?

    A direct sales presence means that your company establishes, manages, and pays a sales team of one or more people in the target market.

    An outside agent is any entity that will sell your product in exchange for a service fee. One example is a sales rep, who sells your product in exchange for a percent of the sale. A distributor is similar to a rep, except they would buy product from your company and sell it directly to the end customer.

    Is Direct Sales Better?

    For most businesses expanding into new markets, especially international markets, hiring a distributor is a better decision-at least until there is enough return from the market to justify building a direct sales presence.

    Sure, there is one major advantage to having a direct sales presence-control. Control over the day to day activities of your sales personnel is appealing to most business owners. But this control comes at a heavy price. To start, you’ll need to spend the time to hire someone in that market, then train them, then equip them with sales material and management, if not office space and equipment. These costs are prohibitive for most small businesses looking to expand internationally.

    And there are even more costs that we haven’t mentioned yet. Each market has it’s own unique laws, cultures and customs that are essential to master if your company wants to establish a successful sales presence. Japan is a classic example of a marketplace with unique legal structures and business customs that, if not followed, guarantee the failure of any sales efforts. It’s hard to pin down an exact monetary value to this learning, but ask yourself this: Can you afford to establish, manage, and pay a sales force in a foreign country for at least a year while they learn the ropes and generate no revenue?

    What about a Distributor? Is a Distributor better for new markets?

    Distributors are a cost effective means to enter a new marketplace successfully. Here are just a few of the reasons:

    • No Overhead:
      Unlike running your own sales team, a distributor will take care of the hiring, managing, payment, and optimization of its channel. You’re just borrowing their distribution, while they handle the maintenance.
    • Established Channel with Local Knowledge:
      A good distributor will already know all the laws and customs of the market you’re entering. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel-you can use someone who already has valuable local knowledge.
    • Understand Pricing and Purchasing Power of Market:
      Along with knowledge of the laws and customs comes knowledge about the most successful ways to price and market your product locally.
    • Cost Effective:
      Since you won’t be paying for the above items, distributor relationships are much more within reach of a small business trying to enter a new market.

    Using a distributor has some downsides as well, but they can be minimized by building a good relationship with a distributor.

    • Not your own people:
      You won’t be able to directly manage every step of the process. While it may make you nervous to lose some control over the sales process, you can manage the risk by building a transparent relationship with your distributor with constant updates and feedback from both ends.
    • Distributor has many products to represent:
      You may not be the distributor’s top priority at any given time, and you want to be sure your product is not getting shuffled to the back of the line. Once again, a well-established relationship with constant contact will ensure that your product is getting the attention it deserves.
    • Not a “turn key” solution:
      You can’t just give the distributor your products and expect success. You’ll have to manage the relationship. This takes time, but it’s still less costly than trying to install a direct sales team from scratch.

    So what do I do next?

    If you aren’t convinced that a distributor would be better for your organization than establishing a direct sales team, seek help from a consultant who has experience establishing a presence in new markets. A consultant can use his or her experience to analyze your opportunity and recommend the best course of action.

    Before you choose a distributor, you need to know….

    Choosing the wrong distributor will set you up for failure. The wrong distributor simply won’t generate sales, and you’ll have wasted at least a year finding and setting up an unprofitable relationship.

    There are certain things to look for in a distributor, and they are different for every market. The best thing to do is to find a professional, one with experience in distributor relationships, and hire that professional to help you search for and identify the right distributor.

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    Source by J. P. Williams

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  • Gender Wars: Has The Time Come For Men And Women To Heal Their Emotional Wounds?

    Gender Wars: Has The Time Come For Men And Women To Heal Their Emotional Wounds?

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    When it comes to the mainstream culture, it is not uncommon for men to be put down and to be seen as the bane of the earth. This doesn't mean that women are not also seen as the problem, but this could be seen as something that takes place underground, to speak.
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    So, while there are plenty of newspapers and TV stations that are only too happy to paint all men as being a certain way; there are also plenty of websites and videos online that are happy to paint all women as being a certain way. It could then be said that it is socially acceptable to put men down but the same can't be said when it comes to putting women down, which is why this has to be done in a more covert manner.

    Plenty of Fuel

    It seems that not a day goes by when there isn't something in the mainstream media that doesn't add to the view that men are worthless human beings. Sometimes, something small will be used to prove this, while at others, it will be something that is far bigger.

    For example, when a woman in the public eye claims that she has been harassed by a man, not a lot of thought is given as to whether or not this actually took place. There are at least two reasons for this: firstly, women are often portrayed as innocent and pure and, secondly, all men are often portrayed as primitive beings that can't control their urges.

    The Accepted Narrative

    Thus, regardless of whether or not a man is actually guilty, he is going to be used to support the view that all men are the same. Clearly, if a man is found to be guilty the appropriate action should be taken, but, without the evidence that he has done anything wrong, it shouldn't be assumed that he has done anything wrong.

    The people in the media who support this view of men don't seem to care about the damage that something like this could do to an innocent man's life. It's as though a man deserves to have his whole life ruined, irrespective of if he has done anything wrong.

    Validation

    And, if a woman believes that are men are the same, it is going to be music to her ears to hear the mainstream media talk about men in this way. A woman like this may have been in a number of abusive relationships, for instance.

    Seeing a man go from a position of power to being destroyed is then going to be extremely satisfying. She probably won't have met this man, but seeing him go down will allow her to indirectly experience revenge.

    The Other Side

    When it comes to what is taking place away from the mainstream media, there is plenty of content that basically goes into how worthless women are. One of the main themes is that women can't be trusted and that if they find another guy who has more money / status, they will soon disappear.

    And, if a man has been in a relationship where the woman walked away or if he has found it hard to experience fulfilment in this area of ​​his life, for instance, he can be only too happy to hear other men say that women are useless and good for one thing. It will be as though they are enslaved to their biology, are heartless, and are not consciousness beings, unlike men who are in control of their urges, have a heart, and are aware.

    Letting of Steam

    Due to what a man has been through he will no doubt carry a lot of anger, anger that is likely to allow him to avoid feeling powerless and helpless, for instance. The experiences what he reads about online will end up enforcing what he already believes.

    This is then likely to create even more distance between him and women and make it even harder for him to experience fulfilment in this area of ​​his life. Even so, what this will do is allow him to be right, and this is one of the ego minds greatest needs – being wrong is seen as something that will lead to death.

    A Messy Situation

    There are then women who hate all men and men who hate all women, along with men who hate themselves and pedestalize women and women who hate themselves and pedestalize men. Therefore, even though it is not possible to say that it is only men who are under attack, it is undoubtedly more socially acceptable to attack men.

    If someone believes that all men / women are the same and is happy to see a man / woman suffer, it is likely to show that they are carrying a number of emotional wounds. If they were able to get in touch what how they feel below their anger and rage, they may find that they feel rejected, powerless, helpless and worthless, amongst other things.

    A Reactive Existence

    Being in touch with these feelings is then likely to cause them to feel incredibly vulnerable; whereas being in touch with the more surface level emotions (such as anger and rage) is likely to allow them to feel strong and powerful. But, while living in this way can allow them to feel strong and powerful, it is going to cause them to be controlled by how they feel.

    Not only this, it will stop them from being able to realize that not all men / women are the same and to see them as individuals. What they believe will define how they experience life, thereby stopping them from being able to experience anything that goes against what they believe.

    A Deeper Look

    When it comes to the emotional wounds that someone can carry, what has happened in their adult life is certainly going to play a part. Yet, what is likely to play an even bigger part is what took place during their early years, and what has been passed down from their ancestors can also play a part.

    What took place during their early years that can be what is defining how they perceive men / women and the kind of men / women women they will be attracted to and attract. If someone had a father or mother who was abusive, for instance, it would have most likely caused them to experience a lot of trauma, and, it would have laid down the foundations for them to be drawn to men / women who would also abuse them.

    Two Levels

    How they were treated at this stage of their life would have become familiar, and what is familiar is what is classed as safe to the ego mind / unconscious mind. The years would then have passed but they are still going to carrying the trauma of being violated and abused.

    It is then not going to matter what their conscious mind wants to experience, as their unconscious mind will want to experience what took place all those years ago. The trouble is that if someone is not aware of how their early years are affecting their adult life, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim and to blame all men / women.

    Self-Victimization

    If going within and working through emotional wounds was easy, it would be a part of everyone's life One of the biggest challenges to doing this type of work is that the mind disconnects from the body to avoid pain, which can result in someone's inner wounds being projected onto others.

    The people who they come into contact with will then press their buttons, so to speak, but they won't be able to see that these people are mirroring back what they need to resolve within their own being. Without this understanding, they can end up seeing themselves as a victim and other people as perpetrators.

    Conclusion

    If someone wants to grow and develop and no longer wants to feed into this drama, they may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to gradually work through their emotional wounds.

    But, if someone is caught up on their own stuff due to their current level of consciousness, there will be no reason for them to change. As a result of this, they will continue to live a reactive life and to play out their early drama.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • How to Think Like a Marketer

    How to Think Like a Marketer

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    Many people say they hate marketing. That’s usually because they think marketing is all about advertising and sales.

    Marketing is a process, not an event. It involves research, promotion, and distribution along with advertising and sales.

    Maybe the most important and most overlooked aspect of marketing is having the right marketing attitude or marketing mindset. Think like a marketer.

    When you have a marketing mindset, you ask how you can build brand awareness to help your target audience become familiar with your products and services, and you as well. Developing that know, like, and trust factor with your audience is key.

    As you develop a marketing mindset, ideas of how to meet marketing goals on a daily basis will come easily, but here are a few ways to get started:

    • Know Your Product & Service Inside Out: This may sound obvious but think about how many times we, as customers, have walked away from buying something because the person helping us couldn’t answer a few basic questions about their product or service.
    • Find Ways to Leverage Mistakes of Competitors: It’s easy to see what the competition is doing well but just as much (and sometimes even more) can be learned by observing what your competition is doing not so well. The Internet is saturated with career service companies, but what makes your career service better than your competitors? Do your homework. Where are they weak? What client needs are not being met and what can you do to step in and meet those needs?
    • Point Clients In Your Direction: Solve client problems. Point them to one of your services or products and emphasize the benefits, value, and results they can gain from it-being a solution to their problem.
    • The “Bottom Line” Isn’t Just About Money Coming In: Looking for ways to save is just as important as finding new revenue streams. Instead of just recording where the money is going, watch for places to save. When looking at those numbers is there a way that sales can be made more efficiently?
    • Every Client Interaction Is a Networking Opportunity: The word “networking” makes some people uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be about schmoozing or closing a sale. It’s simply having a conversation in an effort to build new relationships or strengthen current ones.

    “The aim of marketing is to know and understand the customer so well the product or service fits him and sells itself.”-Peter F. Drucker

    In business, everything ties into marketing in one way or form-what you wear, how you communicate (verbally and non-verbally), and what you do to attract, retain, and maintain client relationships. All of it affects or contributes to the profitability and success of your business.

    Thinking like a marketer is a way of ensuring your company’s longevity.

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    Source by Maria Hebda

    Views: 0

  • Women And Self-Confidence – Healing Women's Insecurity Issues Today

    Women And Self-Confidence – Healing Women's Insecurity Issues Today

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    Sound like a latte-in-the-sky dream? I mean the kind that could never happen in this lifetime?

    Today, all that ends.

    Let some new confidence with women understanding begin inside you, and beautiful begin being who you are to the core.

    This program for women and self-confidence is exactly the kind of community of women friends you should meet. Its specialty is helping women exactly like you.

    Heal those old wounds so you can break free from the past.

    Stop feeling insecure and overwhelmed by other people's demands.

    Pick up those shattered pieces of women's insecurity issues sitting around in your soul, heart and life and build something stunning and gorgeous with them.

    It's like the Course in Miracles states, "Do not be afraid to look within you."

    If you keep on beating yourself up OR ignoring it and hoping it will all solve itself, you can't pull yourself together.

    Unleash the confident, Got-It-Together, GORGEOUS and RADIANT woman you were MEANT to BE.

    There is nothing that feels better than having the total life confidence needed to be your real, luminous self.

    It makes a woman undeniably gorgeous, and you don't have to be a super model here to be a confident woman.

    It is life miracles of the highest order, and you deserve lots and lots of that!

    Get YOUR life miraculously going again!

    In a previous session I discussed other topics like how to realize more beauty and experience healthy weight loss without paying a fortune for a weight loss program.

    And, imagine being able to turn the heads of men (AND women) as you walk into a room, radiating COMPLETE confidence and allowing your inner goddess to glow.

    What if I told you that the universe is waiting to give you OCEANS of love?

    Wave after wave of it!

    A drenching, nourishing, sea of ​​it!

    You've built an emotional sea-wall that won't let it get to you, and here's the Truth:

    Spark some sizzling hot romance EVEN if your relationship is flat-out boring right now (It takes mere SECONDS to put this to work for you …).

    When you feel loved and confident

    Don't deny your beautiful heart any longer. Unleash the miracle power of love in your life!

    Yes, you can indeed change your love life and everything else, from PESSIMISTIC to PASSIONATE in a heartbeat.

    You have what it takes to feel the POWER to go after your dreams, and you naturally ATTRACT the man of your dreams.

    And if you're already in a relationship, you can build the kind of life together that most people only dream of.

    Dating and relationships are so much easier (and fun!) Once you FINALLY start accepting love.

    When you can FINALLY allow for to be given you love unapologetically from the world that's when your life and your relationships start to miraculously transform and you release all those women's insecurity issues.

    Extend your inner beauty!

    Begin right now in this instant to EFFORTLESSLY accept every kind of good and beautiful love into your life.

    When women's insecurity issues have your life split apart in pieces all over the place, it's easy to feel defeated.

    When frustration hooks up with unworthiness and they have a child called I AM SO TERRIBLY OVERWHELMED, confidence with women is difficult.

    You know what I mean?

    Wouldn't it be nice if you could let go of women's insecurity issues and get the JOY and BEAUTY of a woman who has her act together, as easily as ordering a latte with your BFF at your favorite coffee shop?

    (Please note I always suggest searching the net for related material on how a woman with no dreams for the future can TODAY become a stronger confident woman.)

    To your inner beauty shining forth!

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

    Views: 0

  • Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

    Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

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    Abstract:

    Putting on a good show, keeping face, professionalism in customer treatment can all be examples of emotional labour. When in the workplace dealing with others whether they be colleagues or customers we tend to give a positive emotional response despite the negativity of the other person (customer complaint) or our own current mood state (sadness, irritability) known as emotional dissonance. In this paper we will explore the phenomenon of emotional labour and its effect on workers productivity and social relations. The general outcome being that the strain of that dissonance creates mental health problems in the workplace.

    Introduction:

    Emotional labour can be seen as the affect of the current mood of a worker whilst engaging in interactions with others – putting on a good face for example despite feeling emotionally uncomfortable. (1. Robins/Judge 2013) These emotions can be driven by organisational expectations of an employees behaviour towards customers, clients and co-workers in support of the business goals to profit. For example in the service industry, customer complaints should be handled with a polite professional smiling attitude so that the customer perceives that their complaints are receiving serious attention. Despite the fact the service provider (customer relations officer) maybe be in a personal bad mood, have life problems or employment concerns – all this is swept aside to provide the company’s public positive image to the customer. For the employee engaged in such activities the strain of appearing positive and enthusiastic may cause both physical and emotional strain often leading to further deterioration in mood after work and in between assignments. You could argue that a good deal of the time we are in fact faking our emotions (feelings) in front of and towards others to support social conventions for example being polite. If a customer’s complaint is unreasonable, they are showing anger, accusing the company or misleading them and selling shoddy products – the company service support worker must maintain control over their own emotions despite feeling that the customer is wrong and the complaint is unwarranted or even ridiculous they still have to maintain the company driven reaction to the customer with calm professionalism. (2. Myler – Case Studies 2018) Some companies make being happy at work almost mandatory – where staff entertain, create an atmosphere or encourage excitement over the product and its associated feelings of happiness. For example, theme park staff forced to smile all day – try it yourself – it is very stressful to keep a happy demeanor in the face of disgruntled visitors waiting hours in a queue for a five minute ride or the phone shop worker being asked to entertain the queue of waiting customers with hi-fives and silly games. (3. Grandey et.al. 2010) Many customers in fact reporting discomfort at being targeted for unwanted attention and interaction). Therefore there is a difference between felt emotions (what I am actually thinking and feeling) than with displayed emotions (what is expected of me). After an interaction the employee can feel both exhausted by the forced situation and emotionally angry at faking their feelings for the benefit of others. Many people who suffer from depression report that faking happiness is the biggest strain of the day.

    Culture and Emotional Labour

    Culture may impact on how someone sees emotional labour as the expectations of others in the light of social comparison. (4. Matsumoto etal. 2009) For example many American service jobs, such as retail staff, service providers and customer interaction workers all feel that a positive upbeat smiling enthusiastic person is a definite requirement for the companies image management. The monocor – have a nice day – often rings false in the ears of those who understand this is not a genuine sentiment but a practiced social grace. In other cultures such as Japan or Asia in general – forced politeness or deference to not displaying emotions may in fact cause particular strain on everyday life where displaced emotion can be seen in acts of violence and sexual deviance. The French tend to not display openness in dealing with customers but in fact a non-smiling or even impolite attitudes towards their clients. This can cause companies dealing in global markets problems with staff in having to adapt and understand policy in line with the cultural underlying expectations of behaviour.

    Mental Health

    Many psychologists, counsellors and others such as nurses encounter patients (clients) who maybe presenting mental health problems such as anxiety (worry about future events) or depression (living with the past) that report difficulties in the work place in faking their emotions towards both colleagues and customers – that they feel the strain of the day at home later through irritability, sexual indifference a lack of appetite and sleep. Keeping up appearances at work therefore effects the very quality of our lives both in and out of the work place. (5. Myler Case Studies 2018) Dealing with difficult people whether customers or colleagues leaves us feeling exhausted physically and mentally. In therapy the psychologist maybe searching for psycho-dynamic reasons for the negative feelings from past patterns of behaviour and often miss the power of the here and now effect of faking your feelings at work simply due to enforced company policies that require us to present an image of well- being and happiness that actually is not there. Treatment therefore should focus on workplace stress rather than personal history.

    Role Play & Emotional Labour:

    Of course we are schooled from an early age in how to act given certain social situations, for example being happy at a birthday party ( don’t spoil it for everyone) to look sad at the funeral (even when we did not even like the deceased). We have learned behavior for situational displays of affect. Have you ever been told off – criticised – looked at the person with a smile on your face – and they say, “what are you smiling at?” they think you are not taking them seriously enough, acknowledging their concerns – the truth maybe that we think their remarks are unwarranted and silly – however our learned correct response is to – look serious and be intently listening – while all the time inside feeling what an idiot this person is! In other words we are often asked to fake it – for the sake of the other persons feelings – this is often seen as high empathy when in fact it is more often just a learned reaction to a situational event. Emotional intelligence is seen a as a panacea for management effectiveness but maybe little more than learned responses to situations, rather than a genuine cognitive response to some event. In other words emotional intelligence maybe more pop psychology than a fact. Measurement for emotional understanding may reflect no more about the learned response to given situations we have come to understand through cultural, generational and traditional customs of our community or group behaviour. Psychometric tests for emotional intelligence may in fact be invalid and not robust enough to provide any useful measure of a persons feelings towards others but in fact reflect that learned behaviour – what should be the response not what I actually feel inside.

    Attributions Theory – Misunderstanding Others:

    Attribution theory ( 6. Heider – 1958) suggests that we attend to what we see more than what we know. In other words – we do in fact judge a book by its cover. So if we are busy faking our emotions so must everyone else? So how do we know that the mood being displayed to us is genuine or faked. We pride ourselves on being able to know others feeling by their facial expressions, there seemingly genuineness and authentic sounding responses. In fact much of the time we maybe reacting to the faked emotion rather than the real one. We are often surprised to hear someone committed suicide – we may say – they always seemed so positive and happy looking – but that is exactly what a mis-attribution is – the lack of skills to identify a real emotion from a faked one – we are actually quite good at emotional labour at work and so do we really know what anyone is actually feeling, as opposed to what they are displaying to us. So the helpful shop assistant may in fact be bored rigid at having to seem enthusiastic about a product she has already spoken about ten times that day already.

    In Summery:

    Emotional labour is a situation where the employee expresses the companies desired response to a given situation. Emotional dissonance are our feeling of confusion between our internal feelings and the face we put upon the situation given company policy towards others. Felt emotions therefore being what we actually feel as opposed to displayed emotion being the faked response to another person. Finally emotional intelligence being no more than learned responses to events as we behave given the situation we find ourselves in. The consequences of faked emotions can be strain leading to emotional exhaustion that has both physical and emotional outcomes for mental health and general well-being. Judging others may in fact lead to mis-attributions where we think the faked emotion is in fact the real feelings of the other party.

    To be honest, open and authentic would be real intimacy in our relationships but carries the high risk of rejection and misunderstandings.

    References:

    1. Robins S.P. Judge T.A. 2013 – Organizational Behavior 15Ed Pearson Publishing

    2. Myler S.F. 2018 – Myler Case Studies 2018/19 Unpublished

    3. Grandey A. et.al. 2010 – Work in the Global Services Economy – Journal of Service Management.

    4. Matsumoto D. 2009 – Culture & Emotional Expression – New York, Taylor & Francis publishing.

    5. Myler S. F. 2019 – Myler Case Studies 2019 Unpublished

    6. Heider F 1958 – Attribution Theory – Oxford Dictionary of Psychology 2001

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    Source by Stephen F. Myler

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  • BSE (Bombay Stock Exchange) – Online Trading System

    BSE (Bombay Stock Exchange) – Online Trading System

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    Gone are the days when you needed a broker to help you buy and sell stocks, shares and make stock market investments. Through online investment you can buy and sell shares with just a few clicks of the mouse. The economic and capital market in India cannot exist without a stock exchange; there are two main stock exchanges where transactions take place; the Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE) and the National Stock Exchange (NSE). While all the major transactions take place here, there are over 20 different stock exchanges located across the country.

    Online trading in India has changed the meaning of trading in the country. With no requirement for a broker, trading has become easier, faster and far more convenient than earlier days. Some of the major financial products and services offered through online trading are mutual funds, equities, general insurance, life insurance, share trading, portfolio management, commodities trading and financial planning. In online trading, the investor has to pay less brokerage as compare to offline trading. There is no need for any paperwork through online investing and the need for a middle man is eliminated. All the stock accounts are stored in a Demat account where they can be viewed.

    BSE online trading was established in 1995 and is the first exchange to be set up in Asia. It has the largest number of listed companies in the world and currently has 4937 companies listed on the Exchange with over 7,700 traded instruments.

    The only thing that an investor requires for online trading through BSE is an online trading account. The trading can then be done within the trading hours from any location in the world. In fact, BSE has replaced the open cry system with automated trading. Open cry system is a common method of communication between the investors at a stock exchange where they shout and use hand gestures to communicate and transfer information about buy and sell orders. It usually takes place on the ‘pit’ area of the trading floor and involves a lot of face to face interaction. However, with the use of electronic trading systems trading is easier, faster and cheaper; and is less prone to manipulation by market makers and brokers/dealers.

    The BSE provides an efficient and transparent market for trading in debt instruments, equity and derivatives. This is performed through a system known as BOLT – BSE’s Online Trading System.

    In the stock exchange, a key index is used to keep track of the important or the most traded stocks in the exchange. The indice used at the BSE while trading is the SENSEX and is displayed in all major portals, newspapers and magazines. It is India’s first stock market index that enjoys an iconic stature and is tracked worldwide. It is conducted on a free-float methodology and is sensitive to market sentiments and realities.

    There are also indices such as BSE small cap, BSE mid cap and BSE500 to take care of medium and small companies. Furthermore, India index services and Products Limited has indices such as CNX Nifty Junior, S&P CNX Nifty, CNX 100, S&P CNX 500 and CNX Mid cap. The BSE offers 22 indices to suit a multiplicity of needs, inclusive of 12 sectorial indices. For example, the BSE PSU Index tracks the performance of the listed PSY companies and also helps the Central Government to monitor its wealth on the bourses.

    The BSE has become a completely ‘corporatised and demutualized stock exchange’ through the use of online exchanges. With partners such as Deutsche Borse (DB) and Singapore Stock Exchange (SGX) it has a global competitive force. BSE has strategic relationships in almost every part of the world- Europe (DB)), Hong Kong (ETF) and Asia (SGX), prominent public sector undertakings such as State Bank of India, Bank of India, Life Insurance Corporation of India and Central Bank of India.

    Benefits of BSE trading system in India for share brokers or newbies

    There are a number of attractive services to empower investors and facilitate smooth transactions. Some of these include:

    1) Investor Services: A range of services are offered to investors. Being the first exchange in the country to provide an amount of INR 1 million towards the investor protection fund, the BSE had launched a nationwide investor awareness program; ‘Safe Investing in the Stock Market’ under which there were 264 programmes which were conducted in over 359 cities in India.

    2) BSE has an Online trading BOLT system: the online-Trading system (BOLT) facilitates on-line screen based trading in securities. Currently it operates 25,000 Trader Workstations which are located across 359 cities in the country.

    3) The BSE has the world’s first centralized exchange-based Internet trading system – BSEWEBX.com. This system helps the investors anywhere in the world to trade on the BSE platform.

    4) The BSE has an online Surveillance system (BOSS) which monitors on a REAL-TIME basis the price movements, the volume positions and members’ positions as well as real time measurement of default risk, generation of cross market alerts and market reconstruction.

    5) The BSE has a training institute – known as the Bombay Stock Exchange Training Institute (popularly known as the acronym BTI).The BTI imparts capital market training and certification; in collaboration with a number of reputed management institutes and universities. There are over 40 courses to choose from on different aspects of the capital market and the financial Bombay Stock Exchange market.

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    Source by Monish P Kumar

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  • Am I Ordained To Marry?

    Am I Ordained To Marry?

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    One common question people ask us during counseling is whether they are ordained to marry or not. Few weeks ago, a sister walked up to me to ask if she was ordained to marry or not. I asked why she thought so. She said, her pastor taught them that it is written in Matthew 19:12 that some people were made to be eunuchs and therefore, not everyone is expected to marry. And now she was worried because of the series of disappointments she had experienced in her relationships. When I asked her whether they were equally taught how to differentiate between both groups she said that was why she came to ask me. I said she should have gone to her pastor to ask but she said she would not because they were more interested in how many souls they had won to Christ than their marital plans.

    Her vehement refusal to go to her pastor for counsel was a clear indication that she had gone through some elements of frustration. I don’t know how many people are in the same situation today. All I know is that someone will be free from this bondage today.

    Before I address the core issue, let me tell you that Christianity is a balanced relationship. The same God that says he that wins a soul is wise also says marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral, (Hebrew 13:4 NIV). The practice of holding back mature adults in church from marriage because you don’t want to lose them to other churches or distract them from actively engaging in church growth is unbalanced and unhealthy for the growth you desire. Marriage is an honor before God. It brings glory to God. Anyone that desires to marry should be encouraged before they begin to defy themselves right under your pulpit.

    My counsel is that while encouraging them to continue winning souls they should also be counseled on the right way to find the right kind of spouse and the right way to marry. Teach them to let their marriage become a plus to the church instead of minus. If you alone could chase one thousand souls, let you and your spouse join in marriage to chase after ten thousand souls.

    Matthew 19:12 says: ” For there are some eunuchs, who were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, who were made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it let him receive it.”

    The above scripture clearly defines the three categories of eunuchs. Our point of emphasis here shall be on those born eunuchs from their mothers’ womb. The other two are those forced into it and those that became so by their choice.

    When God created man in His image and likeness, He decreed that he should go into the world and multiply. That declaration is for you and me. The only approved way to achieve this multiplication is to marry legally and keep the matrimonial bed holy. You don’t need an angel to whisper into your ears that it is time to marry. The rules are there in the bible. That is not our focus for today anyway.

    Take example from Abraham, the father of faith. He didn’t need any prophecy to discern whether his son Isaac, needed a wife or not. All he needed was simple wisdom drawn from the Word of God. God told him during his call that through him the earth shall be populated with His new generation of children. He settled it in his mind to get a wife for Isaac to make that calling and purpose come to fruition. At the appointed time, he sent his servant, Eleazar to go to his kindred to get a wife for Isaac. You know the rest of the story in Genesis chapter twenty-four.

    God designed man with all the features required to perform all that He wants him to do on earth in the same way a manufacturer will not put his products in the market place without the inbuilt features to function. Signs of puberty, sexual emotions and strong attraction towards the opposite sex are some indicators that you are ordained to marry. When His due season is near, He begins to impress His desires in your spirit for onward transmission to these dormant sexual potentials in you and suddenly you will awaken to certain pressure in that direction. The bible says, ” it is God who works in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure”, Philippians 2:13. Marriage is one of the good things that bring pleasure to God. When you start feeling the urge or willingness to get married just know God has begun this good work in you. Anybody that has this urge or desire to marry is one of those God has ordained to marry. Period!

    To become a eunuch or to marry is your choice. God has given you the free will to decide it. He will not choose or impose any one on you. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because he wanted to use his life to serve God and not because God said he should not. His case should not become a doctrine to dissuade people from fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives. He even admonished anyone that is unable to bear it to marry instead of burning in lust. If you choose to live a life of celibacy or choose to marry as you have desired, God is pleased with you. Do not allow previous disappointments dissuade you or make you start thinking that it might be that you are among the chosen eunuchs. You are ordained! If things are not working well, find out what you have not been doing right, keep correcting and working on yourself so God can connect you with the right kind of spouse.

    However, it does not mean you should rush into anyone because God has willed it so for you. There is period to find the right kind of spouse and there is time for preparation. My stake here is to let you know that these signs put you in the category God has ordained to marry. You do belong to the group of those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb.

    Parents should watch out for these signs in their children and wards. When these signs begin to show up, it is a signal to parents to start preparing their children or wards for the next phase of their lives. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians around these children do not always prepare them on time, and sometimes they misdirect them through wrong information. We owe the upcoming generation this responsibility as guardians. Those who fail at this level of parenting always regret it because late stitches steal real good time.

    Those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb do not have and will never have the urge to get married because they do not have the features in them. I do not mean those incapacitated by sickness, diseases and infirmities like down syndromes, depression or paralysis. These are healthy and virile folks who are repugnant to the site of the opposite sex. They never have any amorous feelings towards the opposite sex even when they are both nude in a secret room.

    Whether we choose to marry, remain single or born incapacitated, it does not make us sinners or better before God. He loves all of us equally, but it will please Him to see us fulfill His desires for us. I have cleared the obstacles before you. The onus is now on you to decide what you want. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because it was his choice. Apostle Peter did not divorce his wife because of God’s work, yet God accepted them all. Decide your case by yourself.

    Remain Blessed!

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    Source by Christopher UI Ogholoh

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