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  • Top Network Marketing Company – Why Are the Products So Expensive?

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    I’m sure you’ve heard this question before, Why are top network marketing company’s products so expensive?

    This is one of those ever-present questions that networkers and direct sales people will continue to encounter (probably) forever–and there’s always more to it than meets a simple answer.

    One key is not to side-step it. There are good and genuine reasons for legitimate, premium-priced products–and of course there are over-priced ones as well. Honesty is best, as always, and I’ll endeavor to give you the general truth with my answer to the question.

    Special Products at Special Prices

    First, the products available through top network marketing companies sales and distribution model are mostly what are called “specialty” items. They are higher priced products to begin with, having more costly ingredients and more complex designs or formulas; they are simply more expensive to make and package. Some well-known non-network marketed examples are Clinique makeup and fragrance products, Apple computers, iPods and iPhones, Armani clothing, Mercedes and Lexus automobiles.

    Unless you’re dealing with a scheme or a scam, these premium products outperform their cheaper, off-the-shelf counterparts, giving consumers more and better benefits. Since they have greater value, they cost more.

    If these products are being outsourced by the networking company (produced by a “third-party” vendor/supplier), they tend to be manufactured in smaller production runs that do not allow for all the optimal low-cost advantages of buying and making in the high volumes mass-marketers enjoy. The manufacturing processes are more complex and exclusive. The profit margins are higher. This results in a higher quality product with more attention to detail and quality control.

    The reason manufacturers and marketing companies select network marketing and direct sales is because these higher-priced products are of higher quality, and they therefore require special methods of distribution and sales.

    Simply put, they cannot compete with the lower-priced, lower quality “commodity” products, which are sold based mainly on discounted mass-market pricing and brand awareness alone. Think Wal-Mart and Costco.

    Specialty products are “education-intensive.” They need greater explanation; for example, what formula, ingredients and/or processes makes the product more expensive than those mass-market goods available through direct response marketing (such as the Internet and mail-order) or retail chain store sales. Many require demonstration.

    Mass-market products depend on advertising, promotion and merchandising at “point-of-purchase,” all of which are required to get consumers’ attention, let them know the product exists (to create “trial” especially if it’s “brand” new), and to give them enough compelling reasons to purchase and keep on purchasing.

    Going head-to-head with nationally advertised products, many to most of which are heavily discounted and sold at the lowest price possible, is a tough game for just about all smaller businesses to win. Imagine trying to sell vitamins or nutritional beverages or “prestige” cosmetics against a major manufacturer selling through Wal-Mart, or a natural toothpaste against a tube of Crest® through Kroger or Publix supermarkets.

    Specialty products are perfect for the person-to-person, information-rich education, demonstration and service oriented methods of network marketing.

    And that’s where the important second aspect of network marketing’s “higher price” comes in: the added value which you as a “distributor” add to the specialty products you sell.

    Added Value Added

    Network marketing and direct sales representatives add significant value to the product they sell and they are well paid when they do so successfully.

    We reach consumers with the awareness of new products and services that ads and merchandising–no matter how persuasive or promiscuous–would not be able to reach out and touch. And by virtue of our one-on-one, personal relationship with these buyers, we appeal to them with a level of trust and service no mass-market, retail product advertiser could hope to compete with.

    The extraordinary level of service Network Marketers provide is not available when buying through mail order or retail outlets. It is a real and tangible benefit, part of the product’s value–and its price.

    For example: Someone tries a network marketing anti-aging health product. It’s personally presented for them–either in person or via mail–with a host of educational material about the product: scientific studies, article reprints, even books or tapes explaining how the product was made, how to use it, its unique features and its benefits.

    Within one to two days, the network marketer again contacts the person to follow up, asking how they are doing, checking to see that their customer is following use directions properly, make recommendations, etceteras. These service calls continue daily, bi-weekly or weekly until the customer is satisfied and happy.

    The network marketer will also continue to send informative and educational material such as updates from scientific literature. He or she will also let the customer know about other products the company offers that this particular customer with his or her unique needs and wants might also enjoy.

    This is an extraordinary level of service that is a real and tangible benefit for the consumer. This kind of personal and knowledgeable attention is not available when buying through the Internet alone, or mail-order or most all retail outlets. It is one of the things network marketers are paid for and it is part of the product’s value–and its price.

    Are there cases where the above education and service are not offered? Of course.

    Are there products that do not have special ingredients or qualities that support a higher price? Sure.

    And are there times when a network marketed product is simply more expensive to pay for the multiple-level commission structure? Yes.

    Back in the early 1950s, a dog grooming service was opened in New York City to serve people living in the exclusive Park Avenue, 70th and 80th Streets area. They charged $25 to shampoo and clip a dog. They had no customers. Then they jacked-up their prices to $250 per visit–and were an instant success. The Cadillac Seville, when first introduced in test-market showrooms priced at under $10,000, bombed; at $14,000 the very same automobile became an instant best-seller.

    Value is a perception. The relationship between quality, benefit and price, i.e., value, is in the mind of the consumer-beholder. Businesses price goods and services according to what the market will bear. Successful marketers come up with just the right mix of value-benefit-price.

    The majority of network marketing direct sales products are of the genuine higher-quality variety, not available in stores, special in ingredients, design and making.

    Most offer the convenience of in-home or on-line ordering and to-the-door delivery. They are also special in terms of…

    Marketing and Customer Service

    The network marketing “sales person” adds value to the product through his or her education, service and sales to the customer.

    All of this has its price. And according to consumer trends and the explosive growth of network marketing direct sales companies and their products worldwide, more and more people every day think it’s worth it.

    What’s the truth about the price of products offered through network marketing? Are they too high? And if so, why?

    The full answer to this one is complicated. If you need a short one, mine is:

    High? Usually, yes.

    Too high? Sometimes… yes, but generally no.

    So, if they are high, why? Let’s start with looking at what kind of products we’re really talking about here.

    The Truth is, Specialty Products Cost More

    Network marketing is predominantly a “specialty products” business: The products we sell most often tend not to be the type you’d find in supermarkets, drug stores or any other mass merchandiser. They are not the kind that combines the lowest possible price for the least acceptable level of quality. For a conventional retail parallel, look at the products in a natural or health food store, beauty salon, boutique or upscale department store.

    Specialty products cost more to make. The ingredients are unique and high quality and production is low quantity–the amounts manufactured usually are not great enough to take advantage of the economies of scale enjoyed by big-time, high-volume, mass-market producers. So these products more expensive–both to make and to buy.

    Also, specialty product makers usually cannot depend on major advertising to increase sales: they don’t have that kind of money. So they have to use more expensive forms of distribution, such as small, individual retail outlets whose profit margins are higher than mass-market stores and chains.

    Profit Margins and Markups

    Here’s an example: a discount chain drug store might be able to markup a bottle of vitamins that normally sells for $3.00 wholesale for less than the normal 33 percent retail profit margin. And, because they buy in large volumes, they’ll get the product for less than $3.00 to begin with.

    A natural or health food store might buy that same product at the full $3.00 wholesale price, and use a markup of 50 percent to get their full 33.3 percent retail profit margin.

    To the consumer, buying at retail, here’s the difference: $3.99 at the drug store and $4.50 at the health food store.

    And then there’s “what the traffic will bear.”

    There are sexy boxes of imported chocolate that go for $38.00 each, and poly-bags of 50 mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups you can get for less than $3.80. If your taste tends towards expensive, you’ll generally pay more–in “margin” percentages to middle-people and in total dollars.

    Let’s look at a comparison of one single product offered through the conventional manufacturer-to-retailer distribution system and the exact same product sold through network marketing.

    $$$ From Conventional Manufacturer to Consumer

    We know specialty products cost more to make; again, the ingredients are unique and high quality, and the production is low quantity, so they are simply more expensive.

    Manufacturers speak of “Cost of Goods” (CoG): that’s the figure that a product costs the company to make, including overhead, ingredients, packaging and labeling, sales commissions (such as broker’s fees), etc.

    The very minimum a manufacturer needs to sell that product for is double, or a 50 percent margin. Considering that most competitive businesses operate on a six percent pre-tax profit, that leaves them 44 percent to pay for everything else. So, the $2.00 CoG product they make, they sell for $4.00.

    Now, some manufacturers sell direct to retailers–not many, but a few do, and when they do, they’ll take a higher profit margin to pay for the Cost of Sales (CoS).

    However, most manufacturing companies deal through distributors, who charge for warehousing, shipping and selling the products to retail stores. Normal wholesale is a 25 percent markup, which you get by multiplying the purchase price–plus freight if not included–by 1.33. So, our $4.00 item would be sold by a wholesale-distributor to the retailer for $5.32. (Again, plus or not freight costs which can run 10 to 15 percent additional.)

    To achieve a 33.3 percent profit margin, the retailer has a 50 percent mark-up–or higher. Our $5.32 product ends up on the shelf at $7.98.

    Now, this is the minimum scenario–not what normally happens except in the more strongly competitive markets. It’s not the least bit unusual to find the manufacturer selling that $2.00 CoG product for $5.00 or $6.00… the distributor working on 35 percent instead of 25 percent… and a retailer – especially from a specialty market segment–look for a 50 percent profit (i.e., a 100 percent markup), instead of “only” one third.

    And if all of that were true, the retail price of the product through that sales and distribution system would be more like $14.95.

    $$$ In Network Marketing Direct Sales

    Let’s work this one backwards (because that’s how most of the numbers are figured for your commissions).

    If the networking company’s product sells to consumers for $15.00 it will have an average retail commission to the networker of from 20 percent to 40 percent. So, using a 30 percent retail commission, the company’s “wholesale” price to the mlm distributor will be about $10.50.

    Let’s say that your company pays out a full 50 percent in “downline” or organizational commissions. That means that the company’s lowest from-the-warehouse price for the product would be half of wholesale, or $5.25.

    That’s right in the ballpark for specialty manufacturing, distribution and sales.

    It’s a Question of Value

    There is also a greater value, beyond the “specialty products” issues of ingredient quality, cost of manufacture and so forth and that’s the education, information and service delivered by the person-to-person distribution network.

    Learning the product’s proper use, additional uses, history, all about the ingredients, etceteras, is all part of its value. And products offered through word-of-mouth network marketing have more of this “added value” than any others.

    This last point begs the question:

    “Are products purchased through network marketing higher priced to make up for the compensation or commission payments to distributors and their networks?”

    Can they be? Yes.

    Are they… usually? No and Yes.

    In an authentic, intelligent, sincere and sensible network marketing direct sales company, one that’s well-managed and directed… a company that understands that the financial health and well-being of the men and women in the field MUST lead their mission, decisions, strategy, policies and procedures… no.

    But that new ostentatious corporate headquarters in the prestige location… corporate jet… an army of “distributor service” personnel… rock concert “conventions”… $50,000 “big name” keynote speakers… resort vacations and incentive cruses to exotic locations paid for by the company… luxury car allowances… are all expenses that need to be paid for. Where does that money come from?

    Directly (in terms of potential commissions that will not be paid out to people) or indirectly (in over-priced products and/or inflated charges for marketing materials, self-replicating websites, business building tools and trainings), the money comes from only one place… the men and women in the field.

    “So… do network marketed products cost more?” Sometimes yes and other times no.

    Can they be more expensive than similar items of equal value offered in a conventional market such as a retail store? Yes, they can.

    In fact, you can find numerous examples of both conventionally retailed products and networking products of similar sizes, shapes and qualities at prices that vary by as much as 30 to 40 percent or more.

    The only sure rule in product pricing the world over is, “What the traffic will bear…” No matter what distribution and sales route the product travels. It’s not so much a game of “Let the Buyer Beware,” as it is and always will be…

    “Let the Buyer Be Aware.”

    Factor in the at-home shopping convenience… the customer service… the satisfaction guarantee… personal attention… education and information–and in today’s increasingly competitive global marketplace, the “aggressive pricing” posture being taken by more and more networking companies around the world–along with the generally superior quality of the products available through network marketing and direct sales…

    … and I believe a growing number quality-conscious consumers will agree with me, top network marketing company’s products represent outstanding value.

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    Source by John Milton Fogg

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  • My Wife Is So Sensitive! How to Manage This in a Compassionate Way

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    Feeling as though you’re walking on eggshells in your own home is never a good thing. Although women don’t have the market cornered when it comes to sensitivity, it can be a huge issue for many wives. Living with a woman who is super sensitive leaves a man on edge and can affect the emotional connection he feels with his spouse. Trying to deal with this in an effective and compassionate manner takes some insight, some carefully chosen words and a lot of patience.

    It’s very rare for a woman who is sensitive to only be that way with her husband. Sensitive people tend to carry that trait into every relationship they have including work based ones as well as other family connections. If your wife is just as sensitive with her siblings, her parents or the people she works with, you can take at least some small degree of comfort in that. It doesn’t, however, help you to deal with it in a way that will help your wife manage her sensitivity issues while at the same time ensuring your marriage continues to grow.

    Since you are her life partner you must become the safest person in your wife’s life. You want her to feel as though you’re the one person who truly understands her and isn’t focused on hurting her. To that end you must treat her as the fragile person she is. Simply telling a sensitive person to grow a backbone or to grow up only makes matters worse. People who are sensitive by nature, absorb negative things very deeply so they continually need positive reinforcement.

    Tell your wife on a daily basis how special you believe she is. Give her examples of what you mean. If she’s a considerate and doting mother, tell her you recognize that. If she’s committed to her career and is a perfectionist in that regard, let her know that you deeply admire her drive. If she senses that you are her biggest supporter, she’s going to see you as the shining light of her life.

    It’s incredibly challenging to have any type of productive disagreement with someone who is very sensitive. Even one harsh comment or negative remark can set them into an emotional tailspin. Once that happens nothing is accomplished and the initial conflict becomes more far reaching because feelings are deeply hurt.

    It’s important not to approach your wife if you’re incredibly angry or frustrated. It can be hard to temper what you feel in a moment like that and you may inadvertently say something that will pain her deeply, causing her to retreat into herself. Whatever the conflict is, it will still be there in an hour or two when you’ve had time to cool down a bit and logically think about the best way to initiate a conversation with your wife about it. If you come to a discussion like this with a calm and rational tone, your wife won’t feel too defensive which will help you to solve whatever the problem is.

    You can’t control what anyone else says or does to your wife. Sensitivity is often accompanied with low self esteem issues. It might be commonplace in your marriage for your wife to feel hurt or rejected by others if they criticize her in anyway. Once this happens explain to her that she can’t please everyone but the people who love her most think she’s remarkable. Hearing those words from you, when she’s feeling down, will help her tremendously.

    Love your wife the best way you can and be her supporter at every turn. By being sensitive in your own way to her sensitivity issues you’ll build a stronger and more mutually satisfying marriage. Your wife needs you to understand her so show her that you’re going to do that and more by always being mindful of her feelings.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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  • Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They’re In A Relationship?

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    It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren’t are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.

    This is then typically going to be something that is very black and white. However, while it may seem as though this is the case, this outlook would have very little to do with how things actually are.

    An Illusion

    In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy on the inside; someone can be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean that they are truly in one. Still, from the outside it may appear as though they are in an intimate relationship.

    In fact, other people could often wonder what it would be like for them to be in a relationship like this. These people are then going to believe that this person has this area of their life handled, and are going to want to experience the same thing.

    Both Ways

    Furthermore, someone like this could also believe that they are in an intimate relationship. So, every part of their being is not going to be involved, but they will still see themselves as someone who is in a relationship.

    They are then going to share their mind and their body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being won’t be fully on a board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel things, though.

    Absent

    Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and heart can spend a lot of time being somewhere else; that is unless their heart has simply retracted. Now, this is not going to be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that one will generally find it hard to be fully present with their partner.

    If their partner doesn’t have trouble being present, they might be able to sense that one is rarely, if ever, present. They might not be able to understand what is going on, but they will find it hard to deeply connect with them.

    The Clearest Sign

    If this is how someone is most of the time, it will be pretty clear that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner shouldn’t need any more information in order to realise that something isn’t right.

    Nonetheless, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it might take a while for them to become aware of this. And even if this was to take place, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they will have played in being drawn to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner.

    It’s not random

    What this comes down to is that they wouldn’t have randomly ended up with this person. This is not to say that they consciously chose to end up with them; it will have most likely been something that took place unconsciously.

    One way of looking at this would be to say that they were drawn to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is going on and don’t get caught up in their inner wounds.

    Back To the Main Point

    If someone is rarely present it will be clear that something is not right, and there can be other things that also reveal that they are not ready have an intimate relationship. Through having a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner on a deeper level.

    This can then cause the relationship to be very superficial and, thus, to lack the depth that is needed to enable a deeper connection to develop. As a result of this, the relationship might not progress.

    Avoiding Conflict

    Once the initial spark has died out and sexual side has settled down, there might not be a lot to hold the relationship together. But if their partner was to talk about how this, one could dismiss what they say.

    Another thing that they could do is to walk away if something like this is brought up, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further sign that they are only looking to get their feet wet, so to speak.

    An Obvious One

    If one was to continually talk about their ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, it is likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their present relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex.

    It could go even further than this and one might actually still be sharing their body with their ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit.

    Awareness

    Obviously, the only way that someone can change their behaviour is they are aware of what is going on and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and they are not willing to do anything about it, it might be in their best interest to walk away.

    ​

    If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a deeper look into what is going on for them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • How Smoking (Drug Abuse) and Drinking (Alcohol) Affects Your Academic Performance

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    One day, Barack’s mother, Ann Dunham marched into his room, wanting to know the details of Pablo’s arrest. “Don’t you think you are a little casual about your future?” she asked. “What do you mean? he responded. “Bar, you know exactly what I mean. Your friend Pablo was just arrested for drug possession, and your grades are slipping. You haven’t even started on your college application.”

    Barack Obama was a serious and brilliant student before he gained admission into Punahou School, Honolulu. In this school, he joined the “Choom gang”. It was a self-named gang that spent time together drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and sniffing cocaine. Drugs made the choom gang popular in school. His relationship with the choom gang prospered, but his academics suffered. Drugs and alcohol made him lose focus. All he thought about was how to get high. He and his friends Ray, Pablo, Mark and others exhausted their time devising simply ways of doing drugs, which include total absorption (TA), the antithesis and the choomwagon. Reading was difficult because he was always high and confused. Indeed, he was heading towards becoming a junkie.

    His performance in school was a mess. Barack’s mother was right. His grades were going down every term. He was not even bothered about admission to college. All he thought was drugs because it was part of him. Truly, his friend Pablo was arrested by the police for drug possession.

    When pressure from his mum and his poor performance became unbearable, he thought about not going to college. Nevertheless, Barack’s mother kept encouraging him. She always told him that he could get into any school in the country if he just put in a little effort. Within him, he knew that the “effort” he needed was to quit drugs.

    He managed to graduate without mishap and was admitted into Occidental College in Los Angeles. Even without the choom gang around, Barack continued his drug escapade. To continue his education, Barack was transferred to Columbia University, New York.

    In New York, he decided to stop getting high. For the first time in years, Barack applied himself to his studies. He regained his love and strength for reading. Reading and understanding became easy because he was focused and at alert always. Barack began to trace out his future. It became clear that he had been wasting his precious time on drugs. He attended class regularly and soon graduated with good grades.

    “Using drugs and alcohol was a seriously misguided mistake. It was my greatest moral failure that could have destroyed my future. Maybe if I had not stopped doing drugs, I might have dropped out of school and wouldn’t have become the 44th President of the United States”, he once said.

    Lesson

    Drug and alcohol use on campus is universal. Students articulate many reasons why they do it, but most neglect to consider the academic and long-time consequences of their actions. Some are compelled to use drugs at social gatherings either because everyone else seems to be doing it or they believe it’s the cool thing to do. Others feel that drug and alcohol abuse offers an escape away from school or work-related stress, financial worries or relationship problems. Some feel that alcohol and drug abuse provide a way to compensate for feelings of shyness or low esteem.

    According to one study, 90% of teens said they have used alcohol; 50% have used marijuana; 17% have used cocaine, and 13% have used some form of hallucinogenic drugs. Drug use has been classified as a major problem of students as early as in primary 4. A recent report published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration suggests that adolescents who receive grades of D or below are more likely than those in good academic standing to have recently used cigarettes, alcohol and/or other illicit drugs.

    The new research is part of a large-scale study of health and development conducted in New Zealand. Researchers administered IQ tests to over 1,000 individuals at age 13 (born in 1972 and 1973) and assessed their patterns of cannabis use at several points as they aged. Participants were again tested for IQ at age 38, and their two scores were compared as a function of their marijuana use. The results were striking: Participants who used cannabis heavily in their teens and continued through adulthood showed a significant drop in IQ between the ages of 13 and 38-an average of 8 points for those who met criteria for cannabis dependence. (For context, a loss of 8 IQ points could drop a person of average intelligence into the lowest third of the intelligence range.) Those who started using marijuana regularly or heavily after age 18 showed minor declines. By comparison, those who never used marijuana showed no declines in IQ.

    Researchers studying the effects of alcohol use on the brain are aided by advanced technology such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), diffusion tensor imaging (DTI), position emission tomography (PET) and electrophysiological brain mapping (EBM) showed that long-term heavy drinking lead to shrinking of the brain which impairs learning, memory formation and retrieval. That is why most times we read and forget within a short period.

    The process of generating new brain cells (i.e., neurons) is called neurogenesis. High level of alcohol leads to a disruption in the growth of brain cells. The decline of the number of brain cells leads to problems in learning and behaviour. The number of brain cell a student possesses determines his level of understanding. A student who has a higher amount of brain cells will do better academically.

    Thiamine, also known as vitamin B1, is an essential nutrient required by the brain. Up to 80% of alcoholics have a deficiency in thiamine, which may lead to memory loss and mental confusion. It might also affect your attention and concentration. Substance abusers easily get distracted; misplace things, forgetting to keep appointments and so on. As the brain continues to adapt to the presence of the drug, regions outside of the reward pathway are also affected. Brain regions responsible for judgment, learning, and memory begin to physically change or become “hardwired.” Learning, reading, and comprehension becomes difficult because the brain had been wired to focus on alcohol.

    Alcohol can produce detectable impairment in memory after only a few drinks and as the amount of alcohol increases so does the degree of impairment. Large quantity of alcohol can produce a blackout or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events or even an entire event. Think about how much study time you have lost because you were too hung-over the next day to go to class. Drug abusers oversleep and are always tired.

    Severe Hallucination is another problem faced by drug users. Most times they lose touch with realities during lectures or examination. Physically they are in class but mentally they are somewhere else. Academics requires both physical and mental alertness. Therefore, a “high” students can attend lecture but will derive nothing because he was busy building castles in the air. Hallucination leads to academic failure.

    Everyone who became a drug or alcohol addict started with “let me taste or try it.” Smoking cigarette or Indian hemp or drinking alcohol is not a sign of “big boy or big girl”. It is not a sign of maturity but immaturity. You should not please your company by abusing drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are slow poisons. It solves no problem, if you get high because of financial stress, relationship problems, shyness or peer pressure, after some minute, you will get low and the problem will still be there.

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    Source by Anyaehie George Kelechi

    Views: 0

  • Marital Pathfinder 101

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    The issue of marital discovery and fulfillment has been a major discourse in most singles’ forum taking cognizance of the implications of getting it wrong. When God created man, He took him and set him down in the garden and gave him a mandate (Vision): “… to work the ground and keep the garden in order” Gen 2:15 (message bible). He looked at man and said to Himself it’s not good that man should be alone; let’s make for him a help-mate and a companion. Reason being that man was not living his full potential and so needed a help-mate and a companion to relate some things with; God in His mightiness cause man to fall into a deep sleep, created a help-mate for him and presented her to him; “when man woke up, he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind), went close, identify himself with her, appreciate her, stretch out his hand towards her and they both hold hands, move round the garden and tend it properly according to God’s instructions”. (My opinion).

    Taking cue from where it all began- the Garden of Eden, as a single I strongly believe that marital fulfillment is real and everyone is meant to experience it if we can just know what we want and go through the process or stages towards getting what we desire. It takes grace-unmerited favor for good thing to come easily. Let me buttress on Adams experience as follow:

    Woke up: when man woke up… literally in life, when a man is said to have woke up from his sleep, it means he has gotten to the point of realizing that something is missing in his life and so needs attention and until this is done, optimal satisfaction or fulfillment will not be drive. Speaking from marital point of view, it’s where a man realized that for him to gain much ground in life, he will need a help-mate (vision helper) to give him the much needed support to fulfill purpose. By this, I mean the achieving the intangibles- life vision, life assignment. For the ladies, it’s the point where she needs someone with some sense of purpose. It is the point where a man will need to make clear his life vision, mission and set values that will govern his life activities- setting his priority(s) right as he moves on the journey to marital discovery and fulfillment. When this is done, he goes on an ultimate search through praying, fasting, interaction with people and the environment.

    Attraction:… he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind)… Gen 2:23; Esther 2:17. person-300x202The law of attraction states that every man draws to him what flows out of him. When Adam woke up, he came in contact with someone of like mind- someone that speaks and understands his language, sees what he sees, with similar mandate, etc and so got attracted to her because his instinct communicated it to him. As singles (guys and ladies), the law of attraction should not be ignored in our quest for marital fulfillment. A guy or lady, who knows where he/she is going, will deliberately get attracted to only those going in the same direction with him/her. If for any reason, you are attracting to yourself friends you do not wish to have, it means you have to work on what flows out of you- rebrand yourself inside-out. Try to understand your temperament (strength and weakness) and then the temperament of someone that will complement yours. On the other hand, if you are attracting the right people into your life, then you are on the right path to marital fulfillment because these people see what you see, speak and understand your language- success, spiritual intensity, business success, career fulfillment, etc

    Get close and identify with people:… went close, identify with her… law of contact. For one to get what he/she need in life, he will have to take steps forward without necessarily seeing the stair case to step on. As singles (guys and ladies) I don’t think we need to see a vision, have a dream, go on a trance or have an impartation with the full bottle of anointing oil pour on our head for us to go close to people we are attracted to and have an interaction with them. When the first man woke up from his deep sleep, he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind) and so went close and interacted with her. It is at the point of interaction he discovered that they both have so much in common and so he identify with her immediately. Personally, I strongly believe that all relationship with the opposite sex will not end in marriage (life partner); I believe also that if we set our priority(s) right, at the point of interaction with those we are attracted to, we will be able to identify and discover a relationship that will not work for marriage but can work in the area of career, business contact/partner, best of friends, etc. Let’s increase our sensitivity antenna as the Spirit of Truth will help us. When we do, there will be no reason for regretting knowing or coming in contact with anyone; though, we are not perfect or guru in relationship matter but the chances of regret will be very minimal or near to zero.

    Appreciation:… appreciate her… what you appreciate in the life of someone over a period of time will as a matter of fact become your reality (paraphrase- law of appreciation). In as much as the first man identify with the similarities between him and his friend so to speak, he also notice that there are attributes his friend have which he don’t but needed to excel and so appreciated these attributes. Appreciating someone’s strengths and giving strength to ones weakness has a way of building and strengthen relationship and friendship. As singles, it’s impossible to have strength in all facet of life; and so when we see someone doing things in the area of our weakness, we should endeavor to celebrate them and leverage on their strength to fulfill purpose in life.

    Stretch out your hands to get help:… stretch out his hand towards her… the good book says “ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open unto thee”. At this point, the relationship should be defined. Gen 2:25. As I said, all relationship will not end in marriage; when you interact with people, you will know the areas (Business, career, Spirituality, academics, etc) you will team work to achieve great results in life. When this is defined, the objective of the relationship should be stated and boundaries set. In life, nothing works until someone work it out; relationship doesn’t work out until those involve make it work; it’s a team work affairs and nobody’s commitment should be taken for granted rather it should be appreciated.

    Get bonded:… and they hold hands, move round the garden and tend it properly according to God’s instructions. The book of life says “do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” (Message bible). There must be some form of agreement between both parties

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    Source by Emmanuel Chukwuyem Agese

    Views: 0

  • Offline Dating Vs Online Dating

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    Offline dating is whereby an administrator of the website Interacts with members as they apply through a private secure online application. The application may have a setting that allows the administrator to manually approve or decline each application. That way, if the administrators feel the member does not meet the criteria of what the other offline dating members are looking for, they will be denied access and notified through an email. Offline dating can build a private community based on its mission statement and be more selective. This can result in more targeted searches and a higher percentage of matches with a smaller number of members.

    Online dating is whereby there are no administrators interacting with members as they apply. Anyone can fill out an application and they become members. Online dating is an open community and by using algorithms, you search for your match. This can result in less targeted searches and a lower percentage of matches with a larger number of members.

    The advantages of offline dating are you can meet a member in person at an event in your city. Offline dating companies typically host Mixers in different cities for its members and many Mixers don't charge a fee to attend. There is a cash bar and members are encouraged to purchase one drink that the venue keeps. This arrangement allows the offline dating company to host free Mixers. The member don't pay to attend, the offline dating company does pay for space to host the Mixer and the venue makes money from the cash bar.

    The advantages of online dating are members don't face rejection at live mixers. They initially contact each other and establish a virtual relationship that may or may not lead to an in person meeting. The goal is to meet offline and after a period of time establishing a virtual relationship, a level of comfort and trust is established. This may make the first live meeting less stressful.

    The costs of offline dating can be more because attending some events might cost more. Some events are free, such as attending a 2 hour cash bar event at a restaurant. Some events such as a destination trip, a ski trip or cruise ship will cost more.

    The costs of online dating are less because you know what your monthly charge is and at any time, you can cancel your subscription.

    The technology with offline dating companies are a combination of algorithms and human interaction. When a member registers and gets approved, their profiles are uploaded to the system and are not visible by other approved members. Only the administrators of the website can access members profiles and invite members to events, send updates on new happenings and offer dates for a fee. If a member wants to search through the offline dating sites database, only administrator can perform that function for him or her. When a search is completed on behalf of a member interested in finding matches, the system generates appropriate matches based on algorithms that the administrator sets, usually a 70% or higher compatibility. Once those appropriate matches are generated, the administrator can send a photo and bio for the member interested in getting dates to view, with just a click of a few buttons. No other information about the member is sent.

    The member requesting dates then selects a handful of members he or she would like to go on a date with and email the administrator which ones. Next, the administrator then sends those handful of members a photo and bio. No other information is visible. Finally, when any of those handful of members reply they would go on a date with the member requesting a date, a date is ready to be completed. To complete the transaction, the administrator sends a secure electronic invoice for $ 25 and once paid, the administrator sends the contact information for one of those members that is waiting to be contacted to go on a date with. This is a 5 step process all driven by technology and a push of a few buttons that can take less than 15 minutes per date. The process with offline dating companies is simply setting up a guaranteed date, whereby both members have seen photos and bios and both agreed to go on a date. This can take the anxiety out of arranging a date and save time.

    The technology with online dating companies are very simple and straightforward. Members apply online, upload their information, pay a subscription fee and can search and contact other members as the system produces matches based on algorithms that the administrator sets. The advantage is members can view hundreds of profiles and contact hundreds of members, all by paying a monthly subscription with no assistance of an administrator. The challenge comes when a member is interested and contacts another member, that member might not reply. Time and effort spent developing searching and contacting other members might not result in any dates.

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    Source by Janis Spindel

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  • Better Customer Service Through Effective Time Management

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    Being able to manage and prioritize is an important skill when servicing customers. Planning events, activities, and tasks on a yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily basis-that is, prioritizing time-can be rewarding from the standpoint of allowing you to be more proactive in preparing to deal with situations. Such planning can reduce your need to be a crisis manager. It is important on and off the job because, if you do not manage your personal life well, you may carry over personal stress into the workplace. This is not only inefficient; it is also unfair to your employer, peers, coworkers, and external customers.

    After you have scheduled key events and tasks using some type of scheduling system (e.g., time management software, written planning system or calendar, or electronic scheduling device that can download information into your computer), review the information regularly to avoid forgetting something.

    One way to manage events, rather than having them manage you, is to create a list of activities each day and assign a value to each based on importance. The key is to be consistent and prioritize each day. Some people make planning the last activity of their workday. When they arrive to work the next morning, they are ready to begin rather than spending time preparing.

    Guidelines for Setting Priorities

    Three guidelines can help you in determining what tasks to do first. These can help you create a realistic and achievable list of daily tasks. As you learned when you read about goal setting in other chapters, goals must be attainable. Use the following standards as a guide when setting priorities.

    Judgment. You are the best judge of what you can accomplish in any given day. You know your strengths and what has to be done. When selecting priorities, remember that the ones having the most impact on customers and others should be placed high on your list. On the other hand, do not put so many priorities on a daily list that you will not get them done. If this happens, you might become discouraged and give up.

    When you find that you have more high priorities than you have time, you may need to ask for help or guidance from your boss. Many times, simply asking for assistance helps develop your relationship with others. They feel respected and trusted by your gesture, as long as you do not abuse their help or appear to be unloading your tasks onto them. Also, consider other resources that you might use to accomplish tasks (e.g., technology, outside vendors, or customers).

    Relativity. Assigning priorities is a matter of relativity. Some tasks and projects are readily rated higher than others. You should be guided by the question “What is the best use of my time?” Many people fill their daily schedule with frivolous or easy tasks and with tasks that they like to do. This produces a hollow feeling of accomplishment. They may get a lot done throughout the day and enjoy doing it, but they have not added a lot of value to customer service or aided in accomplishing organizational goals. Keep in mind when setting priorities in the workplace that your primary focus should be your customers and activities that support them.

    Timing. Reality and deadlines have a way of dictating priorities. The starting time of a project or task also may establish priorities. Once you begin a task, there must be enough time to finish it. If this is not possible, you may have to re prioritize or seek assistance.

    Be realistic about the time it will take to complete a task. Make sure that you schedule that much time, plus a little extra, on your daily planning sheet. Also, consider your peak time period for performance. Each person typically has a period of the day in which he or she has more energy and can get more done. Capitalize on your peak period and schedule high-priority tasks during that time, if possible.

    Prioritizing System

    To set up your own priority system, list all of your pending activities and then group them according to their level of importance. How you assign value to a task is not as important as long as you use the same format each day. Many people use an A, B, C system, and others use a 1, 2, 3 format. Here are suggested criteria for assignment:

    Priority A-Must do or critical items. Some things must be done because of management directives, local, state, or federal regulations, importance to customers or clients, deadlines, or opportunities they provide for your success or advancement (e.g., state tax reports, actions requested by a customer, or application for a position in the organization with a specific cutoff date for submission).

    Priority B-Should do. Items in this category are of medium value. Although they may contribute to customer satisfaction and improved performance, they are not essential or do not have critical deadlines (e.g., mailing an unsolicited information kit to a customer about a new product or developing a proposal for changing an existing system or process).

    Priority C-Nice to do. This is the lowest category and includes tasks that are not a direct link to customer satisfaction. They may even be fun or interesting, but could be omitted or left undone. Postponing or scheduling such priorities until a slower time period will likely have little or no impact on customer service (e.g., meeting with team members to brainstorm ideas for a more efficient layout of cubicles, cleaning old e-mail files, or neatly lining up the products on a shelf).

    Note: As you go through your e-mail and voice mail messages at the times you have scheduled throughout the day, prioritize them, and add them to your list of things to do.

    The key to effective time management is to have a plan and work that plan. If you control your time, you and your customers both stand to gain from your efforts.

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    Source by Bob Lucas

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  • Department Administrator Interference in the Doctor-Patient Relationship

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    I contacted a resident doctor in Internal Medicine at a teaching hospital and asked if he would be interested in becoming my primary care physician (PCP). My note briefly described my background in health outcomes research and two of my prescription drugs. He wrote back that he would be honored to be my PCP, and came across as professional, humble, and sincere. A new doctor-patient relationship was formed, and I contacted my existing doctor’s office to arrange for my medical records to be transferred, which immediately informed that office that I must be dissatisfied and going to a new doctor. I also shared with the resident doctor confidential information from my medical records and a copy of one of my professional presentations at a health care conference.

    A department administrator then contacted me to say the resident doctors are not available every day of the week for clinic and are not even here when they do their ICU rotation. Also, the Internal Medicine department protocol would not allow the resident doctor to write me a drug prescription for off label use. Finally, she was concerned that in the past I have ordered and correctly interpreted my own blood tests. The administrator’s attitude reflects one of the chief complaints Americans have with the health care system: the system is coming at them and requiring them to get health services in some predefined structure to which the facility is accustomed but which eliminate any potential for individualized treatment according to individual patients’ needs.

    Apparently the administrator did not spend enough “careful consideration” to get her facts straight. I do not need to see my PCP daily or even monthly. My track record shows I saw my existing doctor once in a calendar year, and the prior doctor before him I saw once in a 15-month period. So the administrator based her decision on her own ignorance of the facts.

    She also misstated facts concerning off-label prescriptions for drugs by resident doctors. One of the drugs we are talking about is Clomiphene. Both a resident doctor and an attending faculty physician at the teaching hospital advised me that they would be willing to write me (off-label) prescriptions for this drug, and the attending physician did indeed phone in a prescription for one of the drugs at my request. Similarly, the Dept. of Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB-GYN) advised me that their doctors, both resident and attending, have prescribed Clomiphene to patients. Therefore, residents in Family Medicine and OB-GYN (both primary care departments) can write prescriptions for Clomiphene, but “protocol” prevents residents in Internal Medicine (also primary care) from writing off-label prescriptions. What kind of a cockamamie rule is that? What, the residents in Internal Medicine are too dumb or too naive to understand off-label benefits of medicines?

    Finally, I had planned for my resident PCP to order and interpret blood tests each time I visited him. The administrator could have learned that fact if she had bothered to call or write me before jumping to conclusions and interfering in my doctor-patient relationship. I strongly reject the Director’s paternalistic view of medicine in which she feels she has to protect resident doctors from patients who order or interpret their own blood tests. These resident doctors are young professionals who have completed their medical degrees; they don’t need paternalistic oversight from a department administrator telling them who they can and cannot invite to be patients.

    Apparently, an overwhelming number of patients who visit this teaching hospital’s doctors want to be told what to do and how to feel. I am the exact opposite; I take personal responsibility for and manage my own health, which is strongly advocated under health care reform. Having a more equal, collaborative relationship with my PCP works for me, and that seems to be the true reason for the administrator’s interference. Studies show that medical malpractice rates drop with a non-paternalistic model of health care services. That fact of reducing litigation risks is pushing more health care systems across the country to migrate to a non-paternalistic model.

    LEGAL ANALYSIS

    I. Formation of Doctor-Patient Relationship

    The first question to address is whether, based on this fact pattern, a doctor-patient relationship was formed. When I gave the Internal Medicine resident doctor confidential information on two off-label drugs that I take, that act would be analogous to a prospective client approaching a lawyer with facts about his case to see if the lawyer will assist him. Contacting a lawyer this way does not create an attorney-client relationship. However, the lawyer is under an ethical duty to protect the confidentiality of the information shared by the prospective client. Similarly, the resident doctor was under an ethical duty to keep the information I shared with him confidential.

    When a lawyer responds to a prospective client, “I agree to take your case,” or “I will be your lawyer,” or words to that effect, then an attorney-client relationship is created, and the protection afforded to the client’s information rises to the level of constitutionally protected attorney-client privilege. In this case, when the resident doctor responded that he would be honored to be my PCP, we have offer and acceptance forming a contract. The offer-acceptance could be construed as my offering to be his patient, which he accepted, or his offer to be my PCP, which I accepted.

    But offer and acceptance are only two of the three required elements to form a contract. The third essential element is exchange of consideration, expressed in Latin as the quid pro quo. In this case, there were several separate exchanges of consideration that complete the formation of a contract and thereby render it enforceable in a court of law. Consideration is defined as some act or some transfer of an item from one party to the other, for which the receiving party had no legal right to otherwise obtain that consideration. There is no requirement that the consideration have intrisinc value. For example, the transfer of a scrap piece of paper can constitute valid consideration that renders a contract binding and enforceable.

    The initial disclosure of confidential information from my health history amounts to sufficient consideration. Second, the fact that both I and the doctor each began pursuing scheduling an appointment for me to see him is also consideration: neither of us had a prior legal right entitling us to that action by the other person. Third, when we continued to correspond after offer and acceptance, with additional information being shared back and forth, further consideration was exchanged. My sending the resident doctor a copy of one of my professional presentations was a fourth example of consideration. Finally, my request that my medical records be transferred to the resident doctor’s clinic constituted an obvious legal detriment based on reliance rendering the contract enforceable.

    If a lawsuit were filed for enforcement of this contract, I am confident that the plaintiff would overcome any attempt to dismiss the lawsuit by the teaching hospital’s attorneys based on the absence of a contract. Defendant might attempt to argue that no contract could be formed, because the resident doctor is not licensed. According to the website http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/resident+physician, a “resident physician is a graduate and licensed physician receiving training in a specialty, usually in a hospital.” The resident’s licensing status would not prevent the formation of an enforceable contract, as we have in this fact pattern, for treatment in the supervised residents’ clinic.

    In court, we would pose a series of questions: 1) Is the resident a graduate of a medical school? Yes! 2) Was our conversation focused on health care treatment? Yes! 3) Does the resident see other patients (whether supervised or unsupervised) in the resident clinic? Yes! 4) Are the resident’s services billed to the U.S. government and to private insurers as the services of a doctor (not a student or a doctor’s aide)? Yes! 5) Did we both use the term PCP in describing our relationship? Yes. 6) Did the resident undertake to assist me in obtaining a medical appointment to see him? Yes! With these answers, any court of law is going to recognize if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is a duck. Therefore, the defendant’s argument on licensing will be viewed as a red herring and will fail. In a similar vein, courts have noted “it is axiomatic that a doctor-patient relationship may arise from, briefly exist, and be limited by the unique circumstances presented in a transfer situation.” Sterling v. Johns Hopkins Hosp., 145 Md. App. 161 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 2002). It does not matter how long the doctor has been seeing patients or how brief the contact with any given patient, a doctor-patient relationship can be formed.

    Selection of a PCP and other medical decisions are “core” private decisions. A fundamental tenet of privacy jurisprudence, as it has been applied to other types of personal matters, is that the individual most directly concerned is entitled to make and implement the protected decision autonomously and free from paternalistic government intrusion. See, e.g., Zablocki v. Redhail, 434 U.S. 374, 54 L. Ed. 2d 618, 98 S. Ct. 673 (1978) (decision to marry); Moore v. East Cleveland, 431 U.S. 494, 52 L. Ed. 2d 531, 97 S. Ct. 1932 (1977) (decision to live with extended family members); Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479, 14 L. Ed. 2d 510, 85 S. Ct. 1678 (1965)(reproductive choice). I would argue that the constitutional right to privacy also protects autonomy in selecting a PCP among a wide choice of available doctors, selecting which medications I want prescribed, and choosing what lab tests I want to order myself to monitor my health.

    In 2005, the Supreme Court of Arkansas provided the best statement in American jurisprudence on the elevated status of the doctor-patient relationship. The court noted the relationship of doctor-patient is unique. “The loss of this relationship, even temporarily, causes irreparable damage to the doctor and the patient. There is no adequate remedy at law because the loss is a loss of a one-time opportunity.” Baptist Health v. Murphy, 362 Ark. 506 (Ark. 2005)

    The court noted that the hospital had violated the Arkansas Department of Health rules and regulations for hospitals by failing to enforce policies that protected the doctor’s selection of patients and the patient’s choice of a physician. “We interpret this to mean that an otherwise qualified doctor must be granted access to his patient for the purpose of treating his patient, if that is what both the doctor and the patient want. Or, stated another way, a hospital cannot deny the services of a physician of the patient’s choice if the patient is already being seen by physicians at the hospital. Baptist Health v. Murphy, 362 Ark. 510-511 (Ark. 2005)

    Based on reading Baptist Health, I will now forward a copy of this article to the state Department of Health to determine whether the teaching hospital violated any of my state’s regulations requiring Tennessee-licensed medical centers to have policies or bylaws that respect the patient’s right to select his own physician. If so, then the teaching hospital is violating those regulations.

    II. Tennessee’s Tortious Interference Statute

    Tenn. Code Ann. § 47-50-109 is captioned, “Procurement of breach of contracts unlawful – Damages.” The administrator tortiously interfered in my doctor-patient relationship and prevented the resident doctor from performing his services under our contract. She therefore procured a breach of that contract. The administrator will argue that she was merely performing her duties, but that is no excuse for interfering in an existing doctor-patient relationship.

    Although Tennessee jurisprudence does not have a case on point, courts across the country have taken a dim view and expressed disapproval of employer interference in the doctor-patient relationship. For example, the U.S. Supreme Court stated, “The ethical objection has been that intervention by employer… makes a tripartite matter of the doctor-patient relation. Since the contract doctor owes his employment and looks for his pay to the employer… rather than to the patient, he serves two masters with conflicting interests.” United States v. Oregon State Medical Soc., 343 U.S. 326, 329 (U.S. 1952).

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    Source by Michael Guth

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  • Why Goodwill Is Vital to Success

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    When I originally got the idea for this blog entry, I was thinking in terms of success in business, as a result of three lackluster experiences I recently had with customer service at three different businesses. Then, when I sat down to write about it, I soon realized that goodwill is vital to all areas of life.

    Goodwill is similar to integrity in that in takes time to develop but can be lost in an instant. As my cousin says, “Goodwill is a byproduct of doing the right thing.” Webster’s dictionary defines goodwill as “a kindly feeling of approval and support: benevolent interest or concern.”

    This definition makes clear that whether it is with your business associates, teammates, coaches, or bosses, or in your interpersonal relationships, without goodwill it is difficult to get beyond a surface level with any of them.

    In today’s ultracompetitive world everything that gives you a leg up on the competition makes your success more likely. As successful businessman Marshall Field was fond of saying, “Goodwill is the only asset that competition cannot undersell or destroy.”

    Each of the three companies from whom I experienced poor customer service developed varying degrees of goodwill – mostly negative – from me. The one that earned the most goodwill eventually offered me an acceptable solution and I am still doing business with them (though on a more cautious basis now).

    One of the other two offered worthless suggestions, compounding my initial frustration. The last one had a website that failed repeatedly to send my complaints and was unresponsive to the ones that did go through. Needless to say, it would have taken a lot of goodwill to overcome these slights and I decided to close both of those accounts.

    One of the quickest ways to earn goodwill is to exceed expectations. Here’s a recent example of a business that engendered massive amounts of goodwill from me. I ordered a supplement and a few weeks after receiving my order I received another package from them with a new bottle of what I had previously ordered and the following note enclosed:

    “I want to take a moment to thank you for your recent purchase. As a token of our appreciation we sent you your next bottle free of charge. You will not be charged for this bottle and are not signed up to an auto-ship program of any kind. We just wanted to say a quick hello and thank you”

    -Greg, Founder of Weyland Brain Nutrition

    Not only did they send me my next bottle free of charge, they also enclosed a bottle of another product for me to try. I have since recommended them to several of my clients and am now a devoted customer.

    The same phenomenon happens in our interpersonal relationships. When you go the extra mile for a co-worker, boss, friend, lover, coach or teammate, you engender goodwill and strengthen your bond with them. This in turn will lead to greater trust and loyalty, thus opening the door to greater possibilities for the relationship.

    Most people want to stand out from the crowd and are frustrated when they don’t. I like to tell my clients that if you don’t like being stuck in the crowd, go the extra mile; it’s never crowded there. It’s a simple recipe for success that is often neglected by the masses and will also go a long way towards engendering plenty of goodwill from others.

    You can follow Sam on Twitter @SuperTaoInc

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    Source by Sam Obitz

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Doesn’t Love Me As Much As I Love Him – Tips and Advice That Might Help

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    I often hear from wives who have some issues with whether their husbands are “in love” with them or not. And, if the husbands are, the wives often measure this love by degrees, as compared to how much the wife loves him. I often him comments like “my husband doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I make all of the concessions and advances in the relationship. He never makes any effort or shows me any attention or affection. It’s as if he merely tolerates me. He doesn’t ask me about my day or make any effort to engage with me. It’s like I’m someone who just merely coexists. On a scale of one to ten, I love him on a level that’s an eleven. And he loves me on a level that’s about a one.”

    I understand that this is a lonely and frustrating place to be. I experienced this in my own marriage and the way I handled this almost ended that same marriage. Through experience and research, it’s become pretty clear to me that there’s a right way and wrong way to handle this situation. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Score keeping Is Not The Best Idea For A Marriage. The Question Isn’t Which Spouse Loves The Other The Most: The Question Is Do Both Spouse’s Feel Loved?: I understand how depressing it feels when you suspect that you’re the only one who’s really “in love” or trying to keep the marriage afloat. But sometimes, wives focus so much on measuring how much their husband loves them against some imaginary yard stick that has few (if any) implications on real life. This doesn’t really do anything to change or improve their situation.

    I often tell wives to give up comparisons and worry instead about whether they’re feeling loved, wanted and valued. Obviously, the answer is most likely to be negative, but at least you’ve shifted your focus from score keeping to something on which you can take concrete action.

    It can also be very important to understand that men aren’t as demonstrative as women. So, expecting your husband to be a spouse that compares to you in terms of demonstrating their feelings may not be totally realistic. Very few husbands express their love and affection in the way that wives typically do. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love you enough. It just means that you’ll need to teach him how to express himself and you’ll need to encourage the behaviors that make you feel noticed, understood, and loved.

    Some wives tell me that they resent having to do all the work and having to train their husband to do something that he should just automatically do. These points are certainly valid. But, in my experience, it’s better to give a little in exchange for getting what you truly want than to remain angry, frustrated and indignant while you’re not getting your needs met. It’s important to address and fix this before you yourself begin to withdraw. Because when you have to spouses who are on the edge of indifference, this can leave the marriage in real trouble.

    When You’re Worried That Your Husband’s Lack Of Affection For You Means He’s Not Invested In The Marriage Or May Eventually Want Out: I often find that the wives who tell me that their husband’s don’t love them enough fall into two camps. The first is a situation where the marriage is probably really OK, but the husband has either gotten into the habit of not showing his affection or needs to relearn that lesson. This scenario is easier to fix.

    The second scenario is that the husband’s lack of affection is due to issues within the marriage or with his no longer being invested in it. This is the scenario which you often can not afford to ignore. Because often, his withdrawing from you is a symptom of a much bigger problem. So, attempting to teach a husband to show you the feelings that just aren’t there isn’t likely to work.

    Instead, you’ll need to examine why the feelings have left, fix and address the issue, and then reevaluate. This is likely easier said than done. Because in the same way that husband’s aren’t demonstrative, they also often don’t have a firm grip on their feelings and perceptions. They may well know that something is wrong and act upon it. But, unlike us, they don’t lay awake at night exploring and turning over the issue. They’re more reactive. When something is wrong, they withdraw and reshuffle their efforts instead of thinking about their feelings.

    They may not even be aware that they are doing this or even understand why they are doing it. And that can be one reason that they insist that nothing is wrong or that you’re imagining things. Since they haven’t pondered what the issue is (or even that it exists) you look like a real nag or complainer when you address the symptom of it. That’s why you’re often much better off just working and acting on your own (especially at first.)

    One of the biggest mistakes that I see many wives make is that they harp on a sensitive subject with an already distant and detached husband. So, they’re already on shaky ground and it’s clear he’s resistant, but they think that if they can just get him to “work” on solving the problem, things will get better. The problem with this is that he’s already begun to withdraw. He likely doesn’t want to “work” on the marriage, at least right now. You’ll have to return him to a point of being invested before you can gain any real ground.

    Most wives understand this deep down, but they hesitate or rush because they don’t know how to get their husbands to be receptive to them again. The key is often to take inventory of the marriage and see where the husband might not be getting what he wants and then to provide that without needing to have any large or painful discussions about the same.

    And, that’s a common place where wives get stuck. I often hear comments like “But how am I supposed to do this? I’m already the one whose providing all of the attention and affection and that’s not working either.” Often the question really isn’t the demonstrative affection (at least on the husband’s end.) The real issue is often the real connection, and the feeling of being truly heard, valued and understood. It’s also important that both parties know that no one is going through the motions, score keeping, nagging, or trying to manipulate the other.

    I often tell wives to focus on what they can do very genuinely and convincingly. Husbands know when you’re just putting on a show or trying to overcompensate for what is really the underlying problem. They don’t want more of the same. They don’t want to be manipulated. They often want real change and improvements instead of worrying about how things look on the outside.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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