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Myth of "An Internal Customer"

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Honestly is there an internal customer? The term “Internal Customer” has been so over used that it has become a cliche, losing it’s original meaning. The term Internal Customer was originally used in the field of Management Science (MS). However it was later popularized by Joseph Juran, the management consultant known for his dedication towards quality management in companies, especially factories.

The initial use of the term Internal customers was meant to refer to ‘users’. This user refers to people who will utilize the output of another department or unit. Thus the term internal and external customer was born. External customer refers to customer/consumers outside the company who are users of the product/services of the company and internal customer refers to user of the product/services of another department/unit. The use was purely for technical differentiation.

However the term was later extended to reflect management styles, teamwork, interdepartmental communication etc. The extension went beyond technical relationships between departments and individuals in the company (known as the hard areas) to include the soft areas of attitude, experience, teamwork etc. This is when you will find bosses promoting teamwork by asking the employees to view and treat another department like their own customer. What seem shocking is that even trainers and consultant preach this gospel when they themselves cannot treat their own receptionist or account’s clerk like a customer.

The thing is that first we need to be truly honest with ourselves and answer this question: “Can I see and treat the accounts department or the purchasing, marketing, IT, technical support; as our own customer?” And that means you work to give the other department your best, take all of their nonsense and pacify yourself by saying with a smile: “Oh well… they are after all my customers.”

The problem lies with the word – Customer. The very word suggests to our mind that it is business transaction, money and that there is a direct monetary benefit that will come out of this transaction. These things are not that apparent when we deal with another department (at least not as direct as with real customers). So why are we swimming against the current to beat the hell out of our team to get them to except the other colleagues as customers. Let’s face the fact… it is not going to happen. The other department may be your internal customer from Juran’s standpoint of management science. But they are definitely not customers from the standpoint of our interaction and operation on a daily basis. Internal Customer is a Myth.

The answer is Partner. Instead of beating on the workforce to accept the idea of internal customer (which the brain tickles itself every time you hear it); why don’t use a term that our psychology and conscience would accept. Partner is a much more acceptable term.

In sales and customer service, we talk about maturing the seller-buyer relationship. This maturing process consumer-to-partner starts from a Consumer to a Customer to a Client and then a Partner. When a person buys something from us through a third party or a middleman, they are consumers to us. When they buy it from us, they become our customer. A client refers to a relationship where the seller acts as an advisor. This could be when the product or service requires guidance or follow up. Such examples would be like an attorney, wellness centres, fitness instructor and to some extent even real estate agents. The third stage is called the Partner. This is when the buyer and seller have formed a powerful bond that is glued by trust, transparency, mutual respect and an interest in each other’s success. We are talking about a powerful relationship that is productive to both.

The situation with a work team is that by default they are in a situation of partners. The systems, processes and daily activities are all centred around a partnership-like relationship rather than a customer relationship. So why would we want to ‘de-mature’ (if that term makes us understand) that relationship to a customer-vendor relationship. Taking a customer situation, you would probably call one of your customer Mr Goldwin or Ms Johnson in the earlier meetings. But in a partnership relationship, you would conveniently refer to them with their first name. Wouldn’t it look weird for a person who calls someone Tim all the while to one day call him Mr Goldwin?

While I am not saying that you will call your colleagues by their surname in an internal customer situation; the weirdness of treating a colleague as a ‘customer’ is as absurd as that. So the better alternative would be to motivate the team to accept one another as partners. This can be done by building the trust in the team, practicing a sense of openness at the leadership level, making everyone in the team feel special for their contribution and showing how their personal successes depend on the team’s successes. Team members are not internal customers but Partners. Lets be honest with ourselves.

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Source by Jegatheeswaran Manoharan

Views: 0

January 15, 2020
Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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Source by Katie Lersch

Views: 0

January 15, 2020
Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

Areas of conflict:

o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

o Physical and emotional abuse.

o Self-centeredness.

o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

o Infidelity.

The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

“Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

There are two options available.

1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

Negative Approach:

– One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

– Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

Positive Approach:

1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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Source by Eva Bell

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
10 Characteristics of a Successful Entrepreneur

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For many people, entrepreneurship has become the job choice of the 21st century. That's understandable given the challenges and rewards of building a successful business. If you are considering entrepreneurship, you should begin the process by understanding the mental, psychological and behavioral characteristics needed for success.

1. Positive mental attitude . This is arguably the most important of all the characteristics. You will never be a successful entrepreneur without a positive attitude. The one thing you can be sure of is that you will experience difficult times. Your success or failure will be determined at these times. If you maintain your confidence, persevere and continue to stay positive, you will be successful. Conversely, if you allow doubt and uncertainty to prevail, you will probably fail.

2. Enjoy being around people . Being a successful entrepreneur means you will continuously interact with a diverse array of people such as customers, potential customers, colleagues, competitors, suppliers, lawyers, accountants and coaches. It really helps if you enjoy being around these people.

3. Excellent communication skills . Communication can be defined as the accurate exchange of information between two or more parties. This is important because you will have many conversations. You need to be able to accurately exchange information in a fast-moving world using a variety of communication methods (eg, interpersonal, electronic). Of particular importance is the ability to listen and truly understand where another person is coming from.

4. Have a need to achieve . Successful entrepreneurs are achievement-oriented. They value accomplishment and the intrinsic rewards that go along with achieving difficult goals. It is a strong motivator for most business owners.

5. Resourceful . Most new businesses have limited resources such as money, information and time. Successful entrepreneurs figure out how to get the most out of these resources. They are masters at stretching a dollar and making a few resources go a long way.

6. Objective . It is not easy to be objective about your business because you are passionate about making it successful. However, you do need to be impartial and dispassionate when it comes to making business decisions because emotion, bias and sentiment can result in poor choices.

7. Committed . Building a successful business requires an absolute commitment. It takes a lot of work and there will be times when you become discouraged. It is during these times that you must be steadfast, faithful and committed to your vision.

8. Dependable . This should go without saying but I will say it anyway. There is a strong positive relationship between your perceived level of reliability and the success of your business. No matter what type of business you have, your customers expect you to be dependable.

9. Proactive and not reactive . Successful entrepreneurs anticipate problems in advance and deal with them before they occur. If you simply react to problems and issues as they arise, you may get overwhelmed.

10. Possess technical skills and knowledge . Every business requires unique technical skills and knowledge on part of the owner. You have to be good at what you do for your business to succeed. This often means getting additional education and training on an ongoing basis, sometimes for the purpose of obtaining specific credentials (eg, certifications, licenses).

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Source by Tyrone Holmes

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
Thinking of Divorcing Your Spouse? Save Your Marriage Today

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There are questions you need to ask yourself when you notice an initial problem in your marriage. Are you unhappy in your marriage and if so, why? Is your spouse happy? Do you experience pain or joy in your marriage? Why are you not happy now after you got married? Why did the happiness before marriage succeeding disappear?

A lot of marriages were resolved after a series of questions the couples ask themselves. This is the time to think, discuss with your spouse solutions to problems in your relationship. The couples should realize that honesty plays a very important role in this regard.

The couples should know that marriage is an institution. It is designed by God to help and support each other through sadness and happiness. Normally, there will definitely be some misunderstanding among the couples which may give rise to conflicts, but both of you should be determined that the marriage must work. With this determination, the Devil will find it difficult to penetrate into your marital affairs.

When you notice that your marriage is about to hit the rock, you should start thinking of saving the marriage because it is quite difficult, frustrating and boring to live alone. The best thing is to save your marriage from total collapse.

The first thing for the couple is to talk to each other and try to understand the problem when seeking solutions. This method, however, should work because if you were able to develop a love for each other then you should be able to resolve any marital issues on your own without involving any third party

However, if this method fails the next option is to seek out an advice from friends, family or religious leaders. But the couple should critically examine this advice whether it is appropriate or not as wrong advice can destroy the relationships.

The third option is to go for counseling which is always very effective in solving marital problems especially if the advice is from a professional counselor. They should, however, be truthful, and openly discuss their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. In addition, attending marriage seminars can also help.

The fourth advice is for the couple to agree for temporary separation. This method has helped so many couples around the world to solve their marriage problems which will enable them to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. Temporary separation is reversible and its main purpose is to develop the skills of resolving problems which will improve the relationship.

Anyone of the above advice will surely help in saving your marriage from total collapse.

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Source by Dr Olusola A Coker Ed.D

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
Beginner’s Guide To Digital Marketing

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This is a short and sweet guide to the various types of digital marketing that exist today. You can use any of these ideas in your marketing right now. If you don’t do one of these types of marketing, consider adding it to your strategy.

Content Marketing

In many ways, everything involved with digital marketing focuses on content marketing. This involves creating content that engages, informs, encourages and converts your audience into buying your products and or services.

Search Engine Marketing

This consists of using both paid and unpaid content marketing to get people to visit your website or landing pages. You can use search terms within the content, as well as create ads with search terms for paid marketing that focuses on search terms.

Social Media Marketing

This involves using your social media platforms to promote content to your audience by asking people to share, by sharing great content, and by promoting via ads the content you’re trying to share.

Search Engine Optimization

SEO involves using the information provided by the search engines to optimize every page on your website, on your social media platforms, and on email platforms, in such a way that the search engines find you and send your information to their audience.

Email Marketing

Really a part of content marketing, building an email list is a great way to market to your audience in a captive way. You get them on your list, then you can market to them more directly and personally the items you want them to buy and use.

Affiliate Marketing

This is a great way to get more backlinks to your online real estate. An affiliate will share your information to make sales and a commission from those sales. Create an amazing program with graphics and content, make it cut-and-paste easy for affiliates to promote you, and it will be successful.

Relationship Marketing

Today, building online communities is very important to help you build relationships with your audience in the digital age. The days of hiding behind your computer are over. You’ll need to have live events, webinars, and lots of discussions with your community to engage with them.

Pay Per Click

Most online businesses today need to pay for some marketing. The best type is PPC (pay per click). This means you only pay when someone clicks your information. That way, you have more of a chance to get them to your landing pages, content, and products. You can remarket to them once they come to your website too.

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Source by Jon Allo

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
True Love Needs to Be Tested Before it Can Claim to Be True Love

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Showing True Love:

Love is not a mere emotion. Instead, true love requires an action that can demonstrate that love. Affection is an emotion that is only one ingredient of love, but emotions fly back and forth with situations and hormones.

I recently watched a movie where a guy was broken up from his girlfriend and came into his apartment to find a supermodel taking a shower in his bathroom. His physical cravings ragged with desire for physical pleasure and the temptation was strong because his girlfriend had already broke things off with him anyway. He truly loved his ex-girlfriend and fled from the sexual temptation he was experiencing and immediately called his ex-girlfriend on the phone in order to refocus his attention back toward faithfulness. One of his first statements to her on the phone was, “I didn’t realize how much I love you until just a couple minutes ago.”

It Takes Follow Through:

After the phone call was over the supermodel continued to seduce the guy, but because of his situation he was unable to leave. Her continuous physical advances only intensified for several scenes until eventually he was able to change the situation. In most movies the guy eventually gives in and falls to the temptations that pursue him. In the end he apologizes and is accepted again by the one he claims to have real love for.

I am infuriated by the lie that is spread through scenes where someone gives in to sexual temptation and then claims to have true love. The reality is that the one who forgave the sinner and accepted the sinner back is the one who is demonstrating true love.

I was very excited to find a scene that emphasized true love through a demonstration of faithfulness. The most powerful part of his faithfulness is expressed in the fact that the one he truly loved was not showing love back to him.

True love does not happen at first sight. Love does not become true until it is tested and only then does the heat impart into that love strength like tempered steel.

What is Testing?

There is a very important message to learn here that I hope you pay close attention to. The test of true love is NOT a test to see whether or not your love for someone is true. The test is a step of the process that takes mere affection and makes the love become true.

Many people will experience affection and then later lose the emotions and say, “oh well, I guess I was wrong and the love wasn’t true like I thought it was.” Then they give up and move on to the next “true love” and eventually fail again and keep trying on new relationships for size. With this strategy you will never find true love because true love is only found on the other side of faithful follow-through.

If your heart desires true love then you must wait until the affection of your first relationship is gone and then force yourself to remain faithful even if it takes your whole life. Then your love will eventually be tempered into true love that will fill you with satisfaction that is millions of times more awesome than all the other weak loves put together.

Trust me, It’s worth it!

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Source by David Josh Burns

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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Source by David Pino

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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Source by James Allen Hanrahan

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
Shamanic Healing Through Sounds

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Shamanism, often considered to be the oldest of the healing professions, makes use of voice, drum, and rattles to communicate with the spirit world, seeking its positive healing energy for a patient. The human voice is the most common means used to summon the spirit worlds.

In our Native American cultures, specific ‘songs’ are used for healing and these are passed down from one generation to the next. Each culture, having its own traditions, also has its songs.

When one first hears a shaman’s song, one can’t help but feel the words all sound the same. Much of this may be due to the imitation in movies and television programs. The standard song appears to be “Ah Hey Ya” or something similar to “Ye Ha No Ha.” A careful listening reveals the sounds are the vowel sounds of A, E, I O, and U. During the chanting of these sounds; the sound of each vowel is elongated and is sung with specific intent-the intent to heal an ill patient. Each vowel has its own meaning.

As tradition dictates, the four directions are acknowledged. The vowel A represents Earth and refers to the direction North. E represents Air and the direction of East; I represents Fire and the direction South, O represents water and the direction West. The vowel of O represents the aether and significantly it refers to being about. Once the four directions and the aether are recognized, the vowel sounds shift in use and meaning. The vowel sound of A is for purification while I emphasizes our relationship to all things (living and nonliving), E, brings a connection to the spirit world, and U takes the shaman into the spirit’s presence. O invokes the idea of innocence.

During the singing, the shaman may accompany himself with a drum beat or the beat of a rattle. A helper may beat the drum or shake the rattles. During this time, the shaman may dance around the patient.

Because of modern science, we have a better understanding of what the physical aspects of sound have on the human being. Simply, all things are vibrating molecules. When we are ill, those vibrations get out of sync. The shaman and his chanting and his drums connect to that vibration and realign the natural harmonics of the body; thus, allowing it to heal itself.

Norman W Wilson, PhD

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Source by Norman W. Wilson, Ph.D

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January 11, 2020