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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • e-Marketing Strategy: 7 Dimensions to Consider (the e-Marketing Mix)

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    What is e-Marketing?

    e-Marketing is still quite a controversial subject to talk about, since no one succeeded to unify the various theories around it; however there is one thing upon which there is no doubt – that e-Marketing first appeared under the form of various techniques deployed by pioneer companies selling their products via the internet in the early 90’s.

    The frenzy around these new marketing techniques created by e-tailers and supported by the internet rapidly gave birth to a new dimension of what we knew as Marketing: the e-Marketing (electronic Marketing).

    There are many definitions to what e-Marketing is, the simplest and shortest one being formulated by Mark Sceats: e-Marketing is Marketing that uses the internet as manifestation media. A working definition is that coming from a group of CISCO specialists: e-Marketing is the sum of all activities a business conducts through the internet with the purpose of finding, attracting, winning and retaining customers.

    e-Marketing Strategy

    The e-Marketing Strategy is normally based and built upon the principles that govern the traditional, offline Marketing – the well-known 4 P’s (Product – Price – Promotion – Positioning) that form the classic Marketing mix. Add the extra 3 P’s (People – Processes – Proof) and you got the whole extended Marketing mix.

    Until here, there are no much aspects to differentiate e-Marketing from the traditional Marketing performed offline: the extended Marketing mix (4 + 3 P’s) is built around the concept of “transactional” and its elements perform transactional functions defined by the exchange paradigm. What gives e-Marketing its uniqueness is a series of specific functions, relational functions, that can be synthesized in the 2P + 2C+ 3S formula: Personalization, Privacy, Customer Service, Community, Site, Security, Sales Promotion.

    These 7 functions of the e-Marketing stay at the base of any e-Marketing strategy and they have a moderating character, unlike the classic Marketing mix that comprises situational functions only. Moderating functions of e-Marketing have the quality of moderate, operate upon all situational functions of the mix (the classic 4 P’s) and upon each other.

    1. Personalization

    The fundamental concept of personalization as a part of the e-Marketing mix lies in the need of recognizing, identifying a certain customer in order to establish relations (establishing relations is a fundamental objective of Marketing). It is crucial to be able to identify our customers on individual level and gather all possible information about them, with the purpose of knowing our market and be able to develop customized, personalized products and services.

    For example, a cookie strategically placed on the website visitor’s computer can let us know vital information concerning the access speed available: in consequence, if we know the visitor is using a slow connection (eg. dial-up) we will offer a low-volume variation of our website, with reduced graphic content and no multimedia or flash applications. This will ease our customer’s experience on our website and he will be prevented from leaving the website on the reason that it takes too long to load its pages.

    Personalization can be applied to any component of the Marketing mix; therefore, it is a moderating function.

    2. Privacy

    Privacy is an element of the mix very much connected to the previous one – personalization. When we gather and store information about our customers and potential customers (therefore, when we perform the personalization part of the e-Marketing mix) a crucial issue arises: that of the way this information will be used, and by whom. A major task to do when implementing an e-Marketing strategy is that of creating and developing a policy upon access procedures to the collected information.

    This is a duty and a must for any conscious marketer to consider all aspects of privacy, as long as data are collected and stored, data about individual persons.

    Privacy is even more important when establishing the e-Marketing mix since there are many regulations and legal aspects to be considered regarding collection and usage of such information.

    3. Customer Service

    Customer service is one of the necessary and required activities among the support functions needed in transactional situations.

    We will connect the apparition of the customer service processes to the inclusion of the “time” parameter in transactions. When switching from a situational perspective to a relational one, and e-Marketing is mostly based on a relational perspective, the marketer saw himself somehow forced into considering support and assistance on a non-temporal level, permanently, over time.

    For these reasons, we should consider the Customer Service function (in its fullest and largest definition) as an essential one within the e-Marketing mix.

    As we can easily figure out, the service (or assistance if you wish) can be performed upon any element from the classic 4 P’s, hence its moderating character.

    4. Community

    We can all agree that e-Marketing is conditioned by the existence of this impressive network that the internet is. The merely existence of such a network implies that individuals as well as groups will eventually interact. A group of entities that interact for a common purpose is what we call a “community” and we will soon see why it is of absolute importance to participate, to be part of a community.

    The Metcalf law (named after Robert Metcalf) states that the value of a network is given by the number of its components, more exactly the value of a network equals the square of the number of components. We can apply this simple law to communities, since they are a network: we will then conclude that the value of a community rises with the number of its members. This is the power of communities; this is why we have to be a part of it.

    The customers / clients of a business can be seen as part of a community where they interact (either independent or influenced by the marketer) – therefore developing a community is a task to be performed by any business, even though it is not always seen as essential.

    Interactions among members of such a community can address any of the other functions of e-Marketing, so it can be placed next to other moderating functions.

    5. Site

    We have seen and agreed that e-Marketing interactions take place on a digital media – the internet. But such interactions and relations also need a proper location, to be available at any moment and from any place – a digital location for digital interactions.

    Such a location is what we call a “site”, which is the most widespread name for it. It is now the time to mention that the “website” is merely a form of a “site” and should not be mistaken or seen as synonyms. The “site” can take other forms too, such as a Palm Pilot or any other handheld device, for example.

    This special location, accessible through all sort of digital technologies is moderating all other functions of the e-Marketing – it is then a moderating function.

    6. Security

    The “security” function emerged as an essential function of e-Marketing once transactions began to be performed through internet channels.

    What we need to keep in mind as marketers are the following two issues on security:

    – security during transactions performed on our website, where we have to take all possible precautions that third parties will not be able to access any part of a developing transaction;

    – security of data collected and stored, about our customers and visitors.

    A honest marketer will have to consider these possible causes of further trouble and has to co-operate with the company’s IT department in order to be able to formulate convincing (and true, honest!) messages towards the customers that their personal details are protected from unauthorized eyes.

    7. Sales Promotion

    At least but not last, we have to consider sales promotions when we build an e-Marketing strategy. Sales promotions are widely used in traditional Marketing as well, we all know this, and it is an excellent efficient strategy to achieve immediate sales goals in terms of volume.

    This function counts on the marketer’s ability to think creatively: a lot of work and inspiration is required in order to find new possibilities and new approaches for developing an efficient promotion plan.

    On the other hand, the marketer needs to continuously keep up with the latest internet technologies and applications so that he can fully exploit them.

    To conclude, we have seen that e-Marketing implies new dimensions to be considered aside of those inherited from the traditional Marketing. These dimensions revolve around the concept of relational functions and they are a must to be included in any e-Marketing strategy in order for it to be efficient and deliver results.

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    Source by Otilia Otlacan

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  • I Quit Wealthy Affiliate! – Are You One of These Quitters?

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    There are some people who quit Wealthy Affiliate and that’s just normal because not everyone aren’t going to be comfortable with their learning system. You know that earning some serious money online is a possibility right? It’s not your fault if you’re not having results because the so-called gurus would like you to believe that there’s a magic pill to online success.

    In this article I would like to share with you my observations of those people who are quitting Wealthy Affiliate. If you’re looking for some information on why people quit WA then this is going to be an important article that you must read. You really don’t want to be wasting your time and money on something that you’re not prepared for.

    One group of people who quit WA is those who are looking to get rich quickly online. This group of people will always exists because let’s face it, almost everybody wants some instant gratification and sadly they’re not willing to work hard for it. If you think that you belong in this group then you better start snapping out of it.

    If you were in my place you would get really shocked because there were really some members complaining about the system inside Wealthy Affiliate. Some of them have been inside for only a few days up to a few weeks and yet they had the nerve to call WA a fraud. But that was back when the membership was under $40 per month.

    Back when the monthly fee was lower, many people jumped right into WA because they were seeing a lot of positive reviews from other successful members. I hope that you already know that it’s ultimately up to you whether you’re going to be successful online or in any areas of your life. Don’t let anyone take care of your destiny.

    Another group of individuals who give up Wealthy Affiliate are those who are in a rush to learn everything all at once. You can spot them because they will complain about the slow pace of the WA action plan which is roughly 2.5 months before you can finish it. They think that it’s WA’s way of making them stay longer but it’s really not.

    Now if you’re someone who has some urgent expenses or bills to pay then you shouldn’t dive right into Wealthy Affiliate or into making money online. You’re going to have a real difficult time into learning this business if you’re in some kind of pressure to make some money. If you have the right type of mindset then your success is inevitable.

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    Source by Raymond Selda

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  • The Thirteen Steps to Riches, Napoleon Hill – A Brief Look at Each

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    In his book “Think and Grow Rich”, Napoleon Hill talks of the Thirteen Steps to Riches. This information is still as relevant today as it was at the time of publication. This article looks at each of the steps briefly.

    Step 1: Desire

    You need to have a burning desire to achieve success. If you are tentative and timid, then it is not true desire. Have a definite and specific goal for what you want to achieve, and stick to it. Have a plan for how you are going to achieve that goal.

    Step 2: Faith

    Have faith that you really can achieve what you desire. If you have truly believe it, then it is more likely to manifest itself.

    Step 3: Autosuggestion

    Have a mental picture in your mind that you have already achieved what you desire. By replaying this consistently in your mind, you will gain the faith that you need to achieve it.

    Step 4: Specialized Knowledge

    Knowledge is not power, it is potential power. It becomes power if that knowledge is used, and put into definite plans of action. Take the time to learn what you need in order to become an expert in your field of expertise. Associate with others who are already experts and learn from them.

    Step 5: Imagination

    Albert Einstein said “Imagination is everything. It is the preview to life’s coming attractions”. This sums it up beautifully. If you can visualise what you want in life, and then focus on it, it should become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Step 6: Organized Planning

    Once you know what your goal is, you need to have a definite and practical plan for how you are going to achieve it. Put the pieces in place that will help you achieve your success.

    Step 7: Decision

    Come up with a firm decision and stick to it. Don’t let others make your decision for you, and don’t delay your decision or procrastinate.

    Step 8: Persistence

    Lack of persistence keeps many people from great accomplishment. Keep working towards your goal, no matter what obstacles get in your way. Many people give up the minute they reach the slightest obstacle. You have to keep rising above the challenges thrown at you, and keep focusing on your end goal.

    Step 9: Power of the Master Mind

    Often those that are close to us will send us off course with their opinions and ridicule. Surround yourself with like minded people, who are all working towards a common goal. By doing this you create synergy, which is an unstoppable force.

    Step 10: the Mystery of Sex Transmutation

    There are a number of different stimulants that increase the intensity of our thought way beyond the realms of ordinary thought. For example love, a burning desire for fame or financial gain, music, fear. The most powerful of these stimulants is that of sex.

    Step 11: the Subconscious Mind

    The thoughts you have determine what you get in your life. Focus on your plan, and imagine that you have already achieved it.

    Step 12: the Brain

    It has been said that we only use somewhere between 5 and 10 percent of our brain. The rest of our brain power forms the subconscious mind, which is what we need to tap into in order to achieve the successes we desire.

    Step 13: the Sixth Sense

    The ability to use the sixth sense is gained when you apply and master all the previous steps. It takes time to develop it, and it is not something that can be switched on and off at will.

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    Source by Kathy Munslow

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  • Multi Level, Affiliate, Joint Venture, or Network Marketing: What’s the Difference?

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    Have you been online and noticed all the ads and “hoopla” about Multi Level Marketing, Affiliate Marketing, or Joint Venture (JV) Marketing and wondering what the difference is? These three terms alone are everywhere, especially when it comes to making revenue online, and are synonymous with the term Network Marketing, where we all “network” with each other to make sales conversions.

    There are many terms and confusing explanations. Here’s my view.

    Multi Level Marketing may also be called Direct Sales Companies. A few of these that come to mind are companies like, Amway, Mary Kay, thirty-one, and Tupperware. These companies build their businesses by recruiting sales associates, or independent consultants, to join the “team” under them.

    The associates in turn recruit others to sell the products, and recruit consultants likewise. Their commissions are paid on a tiered scale. The amount of your pay depends on the place you’re at in the company and how many recruits you have under you. The higher your level in the company the more percentage of commissions you take on your sales and on the associates under you.

    Some may get the MLM confused with a pyramid. Here’s the difference: MLM’s have a legitimate product to sell you, and have low enrollment fees; a pyramid has high enrollment fees, and does not have a product to sell you. Plus, pyramids are illegal.

    Affiliate Marketing brings to mind companies like Amazon, ClickBank, Google AdSense. These type of companies have established sites with vendors already in place, where you can sign up as an affiliate, promote vendor products and be compensated for it.

    Joint Venture products brings to mind companies like Dow Corning (Dow Chemicals and Corning), Sony Ericsson (Sony Corporation and Ericsson Mobile Phones). With JV marketing you are joining with a partner to develop and/or promote a product. Another term that is used is “co-venturing.” These companies share expenses, revenues and assets.

    Some say that MLM’s, Affiliate and JV Marketing are the same. I feel that there is a slight difference between the three. Again, here’s my view.

    To recap:

    • With MLM’s you are recruiting associates, or consultants under you, while selling products.
    • With Affiliate Marketing you are taking a product that has already been developed and are helping someone else promote it, while sharing commissions on the sold product.
    • With JV Marketing you are joining with a partner to develop, promote, and sell your product, while sharing expenses, revenues and assets.
    • These can all fall into Network Marketing because you can “network” with others to bring about your results.

    Whichever marketing strategy you use is all up to your individual preference and gifts. Now that you know the differences, find the ones you like, and start generating your revenue! There are more opportunities than you can imagine.

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    Source by BG Jenkins

    Views: 0

  • Business Ethics for the Mindful Dance Professional

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    Once upon a time, a dance teacher opened her own studio down the road from her former employer’s school, taking advantage of her former teaching position to start her own studio. Sound familiar? This is an all too common story in the dance studio business and unfortunately, this is no fairy-tale.

    We have all heard a version of this story or perhaps experienced it first-hand. Poaching students–direct or indirect solicitation of another’s students–is a practice that mindlessly fragments and divides the dance community. In addition to poaching students, other subtle, but just as divisive, practices include: making negative remarks about other teachers/schools, misrepresentation of the self by making false, exaggerated, or ambiguous claims, and making disparaging comparisons or references about others.

    What drives otherwise enterprising individuals to engage in business practices that burn bridges, sow the seeds of deceit, and model mindless behavior?

    Darwin. You heard me–Darwin is to blame. Well, not really Darwin himself, but the misinterpretation of his theories into a business context is at the root of this dilemma. When the business world adopted the neo-Darwinian philosophy of “survival of the fittest”, they unleashed a ready-made excuse for unethical action.

    As a culture that witnessed the “cola wars” first hand, we picked up the idea that anything goes when it comes to business and marketing. Ethics and morals need not apply. “That’s business” they say while defending their actions. They fail to see the big picture: to look mindfully at the situation. They unknowingly hurt the larger dance profession and therefore themselves. It is a case of one’s right hand shooting one’s left and thinking this is good.

    What makes one feel justified in approaching the business of dance studios in this mindless manner?

    At the root of the neo-Darwinian business approach is a sense of isolation and scarcity. These teachers believe that it is “them against the world”–or, more directly, “them against the other local studios/teachers.” Add to this sense of isolation a sense of scarcity–that there are not enough students to go around–and you start to understand how one begins to rationalize why stealing students is necessary for survival. However, these twin concepts–isolation and scarcity–are illusions in the dance world.

    Studios fighting over the same group of students create a negative atmosphere in the community. Parents sense this negativity and choose alternative activities for their children because they seem more wholesome: the potential young dancer takes up soccer. However, in a community where more than one dance school thrives without negativity, a greater number of students enjoy dance as an activity. This greater number of students translates down the road into a greater number of future dancers, dance teachers, and, most importantly, audience members. If dance studios stopped seeing each other so much as competitors and more as colleagues, the entire dance profession would benefit.

    The solution starts as simply as making replacements: replacing mindless competition with mindful collegiality, mindless isolation with mindful interconnectedness, and mindless scarcity with mindful abundance. We must realize that the dance profession, from the smallest recreational dance class to the largest professional company, is interconnected. The entire web of the dance world is vitally linked.

    For example, the dance community is rather small in comparison with the larger world of sports. There are many more children participating in sports than the arts. Rather than interpreting this as a reason to fight for resources, we should embrace a sense of abundance. There are more than enough potential students out there to sustain every school if we focus on bringing more students into dance rather than fighting over those already there. It is to the benefit of the dance profession at every level to include more of the non-dance world inside our walls rather than put up walls within our own.

    So, how can we begin to break down the twin illusions of isolation and scarcity in the dance studio world and open our eyes to interconnectedness and abundance?

    We need to base our actions and practices on ideals that reflect the dance world as a healthy and vibrant community rather than a dire and hopeless one that lends itself to mindless behavior. Adopting a code of ethics that reinforces a mindful and wholesome outlook will not just serve as guidelines, but also help promote a positive environment for those whom they effect.

    Going forward, we all need to embrace a code of ethics that addresses these issues. The following list is nowhere near complete, but it is a place to start.

    Business Ethics for the Mindful Dance Professional

    In all professional and business relations, the dance professional shall exhibit respect, honesty, and integrity for themselves, clients, and colleagues.

    A. Respect

    A dance professional shall refrain from making negative remarks that may discredit, malign, or in any way cast reflection on the professional standing of another school/studio or teacher.

    A dance professional shall refrain from making any disparaging references to, or disparaging comparisons with, the services of others

    A dance professional shall refrain from publishing, or causing to be published, any notice, newspaper advertisement, or any other matter likely to damage or depreciate the reputation of any colleague.

    B. Honesty

    A dance professional shall accurately portray his or her qualifications or affiliations to the public especially in advertising material and avoid any ambiguity or exaggeration.

    A dance professional shall refrain from portraying his or her qualifications or affiliations to the public in a way intended to deceive the uninitiated. For example: having danced a child role in the Nutcracker with a professional company and listing it as to portray having danced professionally with the company.

    C. Integrity

    A dance professional shall refrain from directly soliciting business from another teacher or studio by approaching, in any manner the pupil, pupils or employees of another teacher and, for any reason at all, to try to induce them to join his/her school.

    A dance professional shall refrain from indirectly soliciting business from another teacher or studio by making adverse criticism against other teachers’ methods, by offering free coaching, by citing the advantages to be gained by the pupil from the change (e.g. offering roles/parts), or other similar methods.

    With each of us taking responsibility for our own actions by embracing a mindful ethical base, we can co-create a healthier, connected, and abundant environment in the business of dance schools. Moreover, with all we have in common, we might just discover we make better friends than enemies.

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    Source by James Robey

    Views: 0

  • Facial Tattoo Meanings

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    Tattoos have always had symbolic meaning both to the the wearer and to the society they live in. As tattooing has exploded in popularity much of the original tattoo symbolism has fallen by the way side.While many tattoo designs have completely lost there original meanings, facial tattooing has remained taboo. This has allowed its symbolism to remain mostly intact.

    The tattooed tear drop under the eye dates back to at least the 1960’s and it symbolism varies depending on the placement on the face and if the tear drop is filled in or empty. An empty tear drop most often symbolizes that the wearer has lost a loved one and they are permanently crying, but the empty tear drop can also symbolize a longing for revenge. If this revenge is carried out in the form of murder the tear drop tattoo is then filled in.

    Also placed under the eye but with a less cryptic meaning is a dollar sign. The dollar sign symbolizes that money is all the wearer can see. The symbol began popping up around the early 1990’s and is most often seen on southern gang members, though the tattoo has crossed over and several entertainers now wear it.

    A little known use for a cross tattoo design is to place it directly between the eyebrows on the bridge of the nose. This symbol,which started in New Orleans, symbolizes the wearer has committed at least five murders. Only worn by seasoned killers this tattoo design has not made the cross over into mainstream tattooing.

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    Source by Bobby Alexander

    Views: 0

  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0

  • Free Winning Mass Cash Tips

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    Massachusetts happens to be one of the most populated states in America despite of its size. Boston happens to be one of the most beautiful cities filled with rich history, culture, and considered as the ‘Cradle of Liberty.’ It is by far one of the homes of the biggest lotto players earning the name Mass Cash.

    Mass Cash is a 5/35 lotto game with a one hundred thousand-dollar jackpot. It may not be impressive for most, yet having a hundred grand can and will make anyone smile regardless. The probability in winning the cool hundred grand is 1 in 324,632, which can be translated as anyone’s game with a good chance of winning than even Powerball.

    As for tips, this odd-numbered game would require some careful planning and checking on past winning numbers. With a state that lives in history, it can be a great tool for winning the prize. Second and third place winners can pretty much get their money back.

    Starting with the odd-even tactic for Mass Cash would be a good choice to even the playing field of a 2/3, 3/2 combination. Checking on the past winning numbers (even dated as far back as 1955) can be a chore at times, yet the high probability of the numbers showing up again would be somewhere close to seventy percent.

    Using the High-Low combination on Mass Cash can be tricky at times yet still useful, regardless of which side the middlemost number should go would sometimes be the deciding factor on getting a proper combination. A quick way in doing so is to avoid integers, meaning anything that has a multiple of 35 (five and seven respectively). The general rule of thumb from experienced lotto players and probably even some mathematicians would always be to expect the expected, not the other way around.

    Group matches are another great way in determining a proper combination, basing it on a set group/s that a player has established. This is where history can tell, which number can be used as a replacement for a potential cold number. Beware, though, as what may be considered as a cold number might turn up, yet the chances of it ending the losing streak would be rare.

    Talking about history, a repeat hit may occur at more than fifty percent at the time. Mass Cash has one of the longest lists of winning numbers that would sometimes repeat itself. With regards to these numbers, sometimes a combination of using a group number would be like playing poker if needed to change some cards.

    Playing Mass Cash is a lotto game that would mean that everyone’s a winner. From getting some of the money back to getting the one hundred thousand is to know and have a right mindset once the player lines up to the betting booth. Mass Cash is an ideal way on being a thousand dollars richer, and if given some thought on how to use the money would be beneficial. Just because the jackpot is small doesn’t mean it’s useless.

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    Source by Chris S Malcolm

    Views: 0