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  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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  • Why Are Your Customers Not Buying?

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    The messages you put in front of your potential customer once they first discover your business can make all the difference between a sale and a pass, and between a happy customer and a disgruntled one.

    If your customers are not buying, you may be missing one of these five crucial elements.

    Have You Identified a Problem or Need?

    Take the time to learn about the “pain points” or problems people generally have in regards to your specific niche market. Your entire website should have content material that addresses the needs of your target audience.

    People don’t just want to be sold to. They are busy and keen to find out about solutions that work for their problems. By producing this kind of useful content on a frequent schedule, you are putting yourself out there as an expert worth paying attention to.

    Comparing Solutions Side-by-Side

    Your prospective customer will make side-by-side comparisons with similar products. If you show the value that you offer, it can swing their choice in your favor. Tables, index charts, images, features and benefits, customer reviews and opinions, are just the kinds of information they will be looking for.

    Retargeting will keep your products under consideration as they go around the internet searching for solutions. Many top websites allow for retargeting, so your potential customers will see your product frequently as they use the internet.

    Purchasing

    When a customer buys from your website, make sure the online buying process carries forward from the page into a sales receipt they can keep. Also, send an email to thank them for their purchase. Offer support with any customer service issues and don’t offer other items for sale that they’ve already bought.

    Follow-Up and Customer Satisfaction

    You can also add real value by sending hints and tips or a quick-start guide to using the product, and so forth. These little surprise gifts and add-ons don’t cost much in terms of time and effort, but they can have a huge impact in terms of customer satisfaction, their and their long-term loyalty to your business and products.

    Request For Their Money Back

    If you do get a request for a refund within the agreed timeframe, provide it promptly and with courtesy. Do ask for a reason why they want a refund, but don’t demand it. Leave them in your customer email list, but, personalize their offers by not continuing to promote to them the item they have already decided to return.

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    Source by Jon Allo

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  • Why You Need to Express Emotion

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    When I was young I was taught that crying was not good. After all, the message was that if you cry too much, “you’re going to get sick.” Crying, especially in public, definitely was bad news. In short, crying, even when grieving, was considered to be a sign of weakness. If you were going to cry, then do so in private.

    Through the years this and many other natural ways of showing emotion have been stifled by many of the celebrities who always assume a stoic pose when appearing on camera. (I always remember the death of President Kennedy and the way Jackie showed little emotion during the funeral and on TV.)

    Many additional beliefs about expressing emotion were looked down upon for years as western culture had adopted the “rugged individualism” view of dealing with life in all its manifestations. Expressing emotion was out and being strong was definitely in. Keeping emotion within is presently the cultural norm.

    However, psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs instilled early in life) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following.

    1. We are built to vocalize feelings and tell our stories. This is an inherent and normal human response. Its purpose is to relieve the stress of trauma and massive change that occur in every life. There is a basic human need to externalize the pressure and pain that develops within.

    2. What is the alternative when we bottle the anxiety, anger, fear, guilt or pain that is generated by a major loss? The physical self pays a huge price to perform this task. Stress hormones go into overdrive and every cell in the body is affected. I repeat, every cell in the body is heavily stressed. Energy stores are depleted.

    3. A more vicious result of stuffing feelings is that our unconscious and our memory banks keep them forever alive in full force. Consequently, we are easily thrown into deep pain throughout life when something we see in a movie or on a TV show or read in the paper, cues up the terrible feelings and memories we never dealt with.

    So what can you do? The obvious answer is to find a way to tell your story of pain and disappointment. If you don’t have a best friend who is a good long-term listener, (a resource we all need to develop), then seek out a counselor, clergy person, or support group. You also can express feelings through writing, drawing, painting or sculpting. Reach out to God to unload your burden. You may need several avenues of release.

    Give in to the natural inclination to share the pain of loss. There is nothing weak about doing so. It is not merely highly therapeutic, it will lead to insights into your loss and how to cope with it (verbalizing our feelings often leads to new interpretations and thoughts). When appropriate, request your good listener to give you valuable feedback.

    Make every effort to change the pattern of the way you deal with loss and change and encourage your children to be open with you about their feelings. See the process as wisdom seeking and in making wise choices. Let periodic expression, where you plumb the deepest depths of your feelings, become part of your long-term healing process. We all need the nurturance and feeling of community that sharing feelings naturally brings forth.

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    Source by Lou LaGrand

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  • Holistic Healing for Digestive Disorders

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    The digestive system is very crucial. It assists the body to absorb required nutrients and eliminate waste products. Any problems affecting it can lead to a lot of discomforts. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases estimates that the number of Americans affected by digestive disorders to be 60 to 70 million. Luckily, there are natural, holistic healing remedies that can eliminate these diseases. Digestive disorders include the following.

    Heartburn (acid reflux) is a symptom of Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). It occurs when contents from the stomach move back into the esophagus causing irritation.

    Gas is simply the air inside your digestive tract. It enters the gut when you swallow it and when undigested foods in your large intestine are broken down by bacteria to release it. Its symptoms include passing gas, burping, stomach pain and bloating.

    • Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) occurs when the contents of your stomach return into the esophagus leading to heartburn. GERD is caused by unexpected relaxation of the lower esophageal sphincter.
    • Diarrhea is characterized by loose, watery stools. It leads to malabsorption and dehydration. Diarrhea can be caused by food allergies and intolerances, infections, problems in the digestive tract and medicine side effects.
    • Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) is a term used to describe two disorders that lead to inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract. They are ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. They both cause abdominal pain, severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, weight loss, and fatigue.
    • Constipation is characterized by fewer than normal bowel movements (less than three a week) or dry, hard and difficult bowel movements that are painful to pass. Other symptoms of constipation may include bloating and stomach pain.
    • Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a condition that occurs in the large intestine (colon). It leads to bloating, abdominal pain, diarrhea, gas, and constipation. It is still not clear what causes IBS.

    Nutritional Response testing is the perfect holistic healing remedy to deal with digestive disorders. This form of treatment is pegged on the concept that the body knows and is able to correct its problems. The technique first analyzes the body to identify the root cause of the disorders after which nutritional support and lifestyle changes are recommended to help the body heal itself. Unlike traditional forms of treatment, it does not attempt to mask the symptoms. Instead, it tackles the underlying cause of the problem.

    Holistic Healing

    The first instinct when we experience pain and physical discomfort is to visit a medical professional to address the disease. This is not wrong, and it’s sometimes the best way to deal with the situation. However, physical pain is usually a manifestation of an underlying greater imbalance. Holistic healing appreciates this fact. Instead of dealing with the physical aspect only, it addresses the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects, too. It is not a quick fix. It is a journey to a more balanced lifestyle.

    The body contains different types of chemicals including neurotransmitters, enzymes, and hormones. Chemical imbalances can lead to many disorders in the body. Some diets can inhibit or stimulate hormone production and neurotransmitters thus leading to chemical imbalances. What appears to work for one individual might not work for another. That is why Nutritional Response Testing is perfect for identifying chemical imbalances. It can be customized to fit each individual’s needs.

    Are you struggling with any disorders? Are you looking for a safe, less invasive and effective treatment to deal with your condition? Nutritional Response testing is one of the best holistic healing remedies. You don’t have to suffer any longer.

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    Source by Dr. Louis Granirer

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  • How Our Lifestyle Choices Are Causing Us to Sink Into Chronic Illness

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    Current science continues to demonstrate that the reason we move away from health and develop chronic illness is due to our environment rather than our genes. Less than 1% of chronic illness is truly genetic in nature. Essentially, this means that chronic illness is preventable.

    Yet over half of the American population has been diagnosed with a chronic illness and nearly 80% of all health care spending (doctors’ visits, prescriptions, hospitalizations, etc.) is a result of these conditions of lifestyle.

    This number is expected to rise astronomically over the next few years. In fact, many say this single problem will bankrupt our nation. Interesting. It’s particularly interesting since science tells us this is completely preventable!

    What are chronic illnesses? The list includes conditions such as cancer, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, infertility, autoimmune issues and disorders, Alzheimer’s, dementia, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, acid reflux, constipation, insomnia, decreased sex drive, and so on.

    With a list this expansive, it’s hard to imagine how we could possibly prevent these conditions from developing in the first place. They seem so unrelated. In order to understand our role in preventing chronic illness, first we must have a simple understanding of how chronic illness develops as a result of our environment.

    To explain how our lifestyle and environment relates to chronic illness, I’d like to share with you a visual that Dr. James Chestnut, B.Ed., M.Sc.,D.C.,C.C.W.P. of The Wellness Practice in Victoria, B.C. teaches. Imagine that when your life begins you are born into a pool of water. You have two items on you: inflatable water wings and an empty backpack.

    Your water wings have been inflated for you, but they have a very slow leak. The air in them is expected to last 120 years (the “healthy” human lifespan). As the air leaks out of them, you have less time left. It’s called getting older! If there’s no interference to these water wings, they’ll last you all 120 years.

    Each time you make a lifestyle choice that is incongruent with your innate genetic requirements for health, you add a “rock” to your backpack. Our blueprint for health and optimal function requires purity and sufficiency in the way we eat, move and think. This means, giving our bodies exactly what’s required for optimal health (purity) and providing enough of it (sufficiency).

    No where in our blueprint for optimal function do we find toxic and deficient choices of lifestyle. Toxicity and deficiency are incongruent with homeostatic cell function. Therefore, it’s these toxic and deficient choices that become the rocks in your backpack.

    These rocks (stressors) can come from any area of lifestyle: poor nutritional choices, sedentary living, being overweight, being chronically stressed out, having unhealthy relationships, taking toxic drugs, not feeling loved or appreciated, excessive negative stimuli, having poor posture, smoking or exposure to smoke, not enough time outside, and so on.

    So many of our toxic and deficient lifestyle choices are the direct result of an industrialized, “advanced” society. It’s hard to argue that we’re “advanced” in the area of health and wellness when we’re experiencing drastic increases in chronic illness in all age groups, despite our “advanced” efforts to treat these conditions.

    The rocks slowly sink us. They have a cumulative effect on our health over the years. At first, we may not notice. Eventually, we may realize that our day to day life has become more stressful and more of a struggle. Often, we’re not even sure how or when this happened.

    There isn’t a drug on the planet that can remove the rocks for you! That’s why treating the symptoms, or the effects of these rocks, is unsuccessful in terms of fixing the real problem. The drugs, in fact, can become yet another toxic rock. (Just listen to the side effects on any drug commercial!) Removing body parts doesn’t fare much better in solving the problem. We’re not sinking because of a lack of drugs or too many body parts! The body isn’t ‘stupid’. It’s displaying a perfectly normal physiological adaptation to an environmental stressor.

    The rocks have another effect on your overall health picture. As more rocks are added to your backpack and you sink increasingly lower, the pressure on your water wings is increased, forcing the air to escape at a faster rate. You lose your years of life faster than originally intended… you age faster.

    It’s these incongruent lifestyle choices, or stressors, that are the catalyst for chronic illness. These toxic and deficient choices result in what’s known as our allostatic load. A chronic allostatic load, as a result of months and years of incongruent lifestyle choices, changes our genetic expression, our cellular function, our physiology, our biology, our entire internal environment, and ultimately our expression of health. This is how chronic illness develops.

    It becomes self-evident that the way to restore health is to remove rocks from your backpack, thus reducing pressure on your water wings!

    Ultimately, this means reducing our toxic and deficient choices while increasing pure and sufficient choices. This changes our environment and changes the expression of our genetics. This is the science of Epigenetics – how our environment determines the expression of our genetic code.

    Thankfully, science has shown us the blueprint. We do know what choices move us toward health. We can fix the problem. Adopting a lifestyle similar to our earlier (and healthier) ancestors is the most successful way to meet our innate genetic requirements for health and wellness while preventing chronic illness.

    Note: Once again, the concepts in this article are attributed to Dr. James Chestnut, B.Ed, M.Sc, D.C., C.C.W.P.

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    Source by Colleen Trombley-VanHoogstraat

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  • The Success Avoidance Syndrom

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    Life is full of ironies and paradoxes. One of the most amazing of these is the human tendency to cry for and cling to those things that hurt them. As one notable poet put it, “people run for their chains.” Is it not amazing that people generally dislike prisons, and yet it is a known fact that many former prisoners would rather be in prison than out of it? How many people out there are clinging to and crying for relationships, and yet they fully know that those same relationships are dysfunctional and leading nowhere?

    How many companies, individuals and nations are tenaciously holding onto solutions that have passed their sale by date? How many people desire to lose weight and to be in good health, and yet daily crave for and indulge in those behaviors that negate this aim? My proposition is that there are many. Perhaps the most debilitating human condition is the success avoidance syndrome. Put simply, people have this tendency to want and wish for success, and yet simultaneously unwittingly avoid the things that make for success. They desire success but hasten their feet towards failure. Below is a synopsis of the traits of the success avoiding individual.

    o Risk Avoidance.

    Many people want to succeed in life but they are averse to risk. However, the very nature of success is that the greater the risk involved the greater the rewards. Every opportunity carries within it a certain amount of risk. To try is to risk failing; to propose is to risk being turned down; to love is to risk heartbreak; to advance is to risk repulsion and resistance; to lead is to risk criticism and being cartooned; to express yourself is to risk appearing a fool; to seek profits is to risk making losses; to put your views to the public (like I am doing now) is to risk being ridiculed; to trust people is to risk being disappointed; to be yourself is to risk being rejected; to be a copycat is to court frustration; to write an exam is to risk failure and disappointment; to communicate is to risk being misunderstood, to buy something is to risk dissatisfaction and dissonance; to get an insurance policy is to risk paying for a service that may never become necessary.

    It is true that risk is often uncomfortable. However, the alternative which is failure, frustration and underachievement is even worse. Not only is the alternative very discomfiting, but it is also painful. Any risk minimization strategy is therefore actually a success reduction mechanism. A faint heart never wins a fair lady, and there is no crown for the coward. It is that simple. The winners know that the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. After all to be alive is to risk dying some day and we will all die, so what is the big deal?

    Before we leave the subject of risk it is important to underline that there is a big difference between taking risks and taking gambles. To gamble is to put oneself at the mercy of fate and chance. With gambling one has no influence over the outcome at all and a good example is lottery. However, when one takes risk one does not become a prisoner of fate but remains a participator in a process in which the success is not guaranteed, but the chances thereof can be influenced by one’s own decisions and actions. There is no self determination with gambling, but the risk taker retains some control.

    o Failure Avoidance

    The person obsessed with avoiding failure learns to do nothing. It is only that person that never does anything, that never makes mistakes. In truth there is no effort without shortcomings. However, action is a progenitor of success and it follows logically that the person who never engages in meaningful and serious action by this very act of omission avoids success. Activity, of course is not to be confused with progress, but there can never be progress without activity. Failure avoidance is success avoidance. Period.

    Failure avoidance is a learnt habit. Research indicates that families, companies and environments replete with criticism, cynicism, pessimism, threats of punishment and motivation by fear are a good breeding ground for failure avoiders. To the contrary affirmation, recognition, acknowledgement, praise, reward and encouragement constitute the diet of the success pursuers. Creativity and innovation cannot co-habit with fear of failure and punishment.

    The failure avoiders are regulated by their fear of failure, but the winners are inspired by their dreams. In most cases the failure avoiders keep fresh the memories of their past failures, catastrophes, fiascos and heartbreaks. Their minds are filled with imaginations of pain and failure and negative outcomes. They always fear and expect the worst. They think in terms of and look for limits, but the winner thinks in terms of and looks for opportunities.

    The loser is therefore always running away from limits, while the winner is running towards opportunity. The winner recognizes that limits and opportunities are one and the same thing. The difference lies in the eye of the beholder and how he chooses to interpret what he sees. The failure avoider sees the challenges as stumbling blocks to be avoided but the winner sees them as stepping stones to be embraced and utilized. In truth every challenge brings with it an opportunity to grow, but it is easy to miss this opportunity if one sees it as a burden, problem or disappointment.

    What have you been avoiding all your life and of late? What have you been hesitating to do? Is it a conversation, telephone call or important decision? Whatever it is, take time to reflect on whether your avoidance does not constitute success avoidance. To be continued, expect some more.

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    Source by George Chingarande

    Views: 0

  • Divorce Tips: How To Heal From A Divorce In One Therapy Session

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    Healing from a divorce does take time and people going through this process are apt to experience a range of emotions including sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, anxiety, frustration and depression.

    The good news is that therapy can expedite the healing process and help people to view the end of their marriage in a more positive manner.

    Some years ago, I developed a visualization technique based on Ericksonian Psychotherapy and Hypnosis and which seems to help many divorcing individuals to heal from their loss and to restore their overall well-being.

    A description of this technique appears below.

    Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths as you listen to my voice.

    Each time you breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. And every time you inhale you take in relaxation, peace and healing. And each time you exhale you let go of or diminish any pain, sadness or any negative or uncomfortable thought or unpleasant emotion.

    So, your breath becomes a powerful healing tool. You can use your breath to adjust your mood whenever you need to do so.

    And as you use your breathing to heal yourself, you may also discover that your mind can go back in time if you want it to do so.

    And as you go back in time…

    Do you remember when you were a little boy or a little girl?

    You may remember what you looked like back then or you may have seen photos videos of yourself from your childhood.

    You may also recall what the house you grew up in looked like.

    Now, when you were a child, you probably fell down while running or while riding your bicycle. And most likely, you bruised your knee or your elbow. And your arm or your leg probably bled what felt like a lot back then.

    Then your mom, dad or a neighbor came along and gave you a hug and comforted you.

    They washed out the wound and applied an antiseptic to the injury. This probably that stung a bit. When it was placed on your wound, you may have felt like you were going to have to feel a little worse before you could feel a little better.

    And then your caretaker applied a band aid or some gauze and tape that was just the right size to cover and protect your wound.

    This helped you to feel less pain, a bit safer and a bit more secure.

    The wound may have felt worse for the next day and for even a few more days or weeks.

    You probably had to change the band aid every day or so. And you may have to wash the injured spot frequently.

    But in time, the wound began to heal, even though you may have scratched it at times, like most kids do.

    And after the passage of a little some more time, a scab formed, all the bleeding stopped and the old skin was replaced with news softer but tougher new skin.

    After a little more time, the pain subsided almost completely. Though, you still had some good days and bad days with your wound.

    Now, the pain from some wounds may not ever go away one hundred per cent.

    Many of us have physical aches and pains that stay with us, but we push on in spite of them.

    But, luckily, sometimes healing eighty or ninety percent is sufficient for us to carry on to feel generally okay.

    As you can see, the mind heals from emotional losses and wounds in much the same way that it heals from physical injuries.

    So, if you or someone you love is struggling with a loss, think about the process of healing described in the metaphor.

    Perhaps it will to help to lessen your pain, allow you to heal and to move forward with your life with a more positive spirit.

    Give it a try. Interestingly, this same technique has been used by people who are dealing with the death of a loved one.

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    Source by Jay P. Granat, Ph.D.

    Views: 0

  • Alternative Medicine Treatment of Plantar Fasciitis

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    Plantar fasciitis (PF) affects approximately two-million people in the US, of both athletic and non-athletic populations. This condition can be debilitating and significantly affect one’s quality of life in a very negative way. There are few high quality studies on this condition and the most successful treatments. Treatments range from chiropractic care, physical therapy, injections and surgeries. Fortunately this condition can typically be resolved with conservative treatment and lifestyle modifications that can prevent going under the knife. Simply put, plantar fasciitis is a strain with subsequent inflammation of the thick tissue (plantar fascia) and muscles on the bottom of the foot causing heel pain. Plantar fasciitis (PF) is characterized by biting heel/mid arch pain when first bearing weight in the morning, or after long periods of rest. The pain typically subsides within 5 minutes of walking or running, then worsens with long term activity or weight bearing. It is also associated with tired, achy feet at the end of the day and foot cramps. PF is seen in both active and inactive people, and is rarely the result of an acute injury. PF can be the result of several different factors: repetitive overuse injuries, poor fitting footwear, overtraining, structural abnormalities of the foot and improper gait mechanics. PF often becomes a chronic and/or recurring problem if not given the appropriate treatment and follow up care.

    Some contributing factors to the development of plantar fasciitis:

    Structural abnormalities: Plantar fasciitis is very commonly seen with pes planus (pictured left), or flat footed individuals. As you can see, this individual’s medial arch is almost flush with the ground. This can create strain on the plantar fascia. Severe injuries resulting in the need for surgical fusion of the foot can also create strain on the plantar fascia. In these cases of severe structural abnormalities, orthotics are typically indicated. Rehabilitation including foot strengthening exercises, chiropractic manipulation and soft tissue techniques can relieve pain and help to alleviate strain on the tissues and resolve flair ups. We use custom orthotics from Foot Levelers in our office. Using a 3-D scanner, we can have custom orthotics made to support the full structure of your foot.

    Poorly fitting footwear: Wearing improper footwear over time can lead to PF. If a shoe doesn’t fit your foot properly, your gait is altered during any weight bearing activity. This has an effect on the entire kinetic chain and can ultimately cause strain on the plantar fascia. The strength and flexibility of your foot will determine your best type of footwear.

    Overtraining: Can be a huge contributor to PF. What many athletes, weekend warriors and the like tend to overlook is the importance of recovery in their training regimens. If your tissues don’t have optimal nutrition, rest and repair time they start DEgenerate rather than REgenerate. Especially when it comes to long distance running, or quick sprints, the feet have a lot of demand.

    Nerve Impingement: Plantar fasciitis can be a symptom of sciatic nerve impingement. The sciatic nerve is the thickest nerve in your body. It originates from your lumbosacral plexus of nerves typically L4-S1/S2 with some individual anatomical variation. Although this nerve is commonly blamed for all radiating leg pain, it is only responsible for pain along its trajectory down the posterior aspect of the leg and foot. In some impingement cases, the pain can skip the back of the leg altogether and go straight to the foot. Impingement along any portion of the nerve can result in pain, but it doesn’t have to be in the leg. If there is enough impingement along this nerve, any added pressure, say forced dorsiflexion of the foot when standing or walking, can be just the right tension to create exquisite foot pain. Our bodies are always trying to protect our nervous system; reflexively the muscles surrounding the nerve will tighten in an attempt to avoid any further stretch or tension of the nerve. Ultimately, this leads to inflammation of the plantar fascia and the surrounding muscles.

    Other Factors:

    Systemic Inflammation: Though general systemic inflammation is typically not the cause of plantar fasciitis, it will increase your symptoms. For this reason we strongly encourage our patients to eat an anti-inflammatory diet specific to their needs. We also understand no one is perfect or eats perfect all the time, which is why we encourage an 80/20 approach; eat clean 80% of the time and use the other 20% to indulge. Curcuminoids, like those found in turmeric are great to help blot down inflammation in acute cases of plantar fasciitis.

    Alternatives to conservative care:

    Cortisone or steroid injections are very commonly given for Plantar fasciitis. In some really tough cases this can absolutely be necessary to “put out the fire” that is the inflammatory cascade, to get you out of pain initially. We never recommend looking at this option as a cure. Cortisone is a very powerful anti-inflammatory that alleviates pain without correcting the underlying issue, potentiating further injury and recurrent episodes. Another option is surgical intervention. In some cases, surgery is the best option for a particular case. We prefer to exhaust conservative treatment options before travelling down this avenue. A study on an overweight and obese population (43 total) suffering with plantar fasciitis for an average of 34.8 months, were given decompressive surgery to the nerve to the abductor digiti minimi with partial plantar fascia release and tracked over a 4-year period. It was found that 75.6% of patients were in deed pain-free or had only mild pain post-surgery (pain decreased from an 8.5/10 to a 2.5/10). However patient satisfaction post-surgery was only 48%.

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    Source by Ann Barter

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  • My Husband Says That I Am Too High Maintenance

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    Any complaint that causes your husband to disconnect from your marriage, to distance himself from you, or to consider a separation hurts. There is no scenario where this isn’t painful. But I suspect that it can feel a little more painful when the reason for his distance seems personal.

    What I mean by that is that sometimes, a man will be unhappy because of reasons that have to do with him. He may be having a midlife crisis. He may believe that marriage doesn’t suit his ideology. He may be having a personal crisis. I am not saying that these scenarios are not horribly painful. They are. But at least the wife has no reason to blame herself.

    And then there are the scenarios where things do feel personal. These are the instances where your husband is blaming the issues in the marriage on the wife. It could be something that she has done or something about her, about her actions, or about her personality that is the supposed problem.

    Here’s an example. A husband might tell his wife that being with her is “exhausting.” She might explain: “for the past three months or so, I have been noticing my husband acting distant and weird. I confronted him about it right away, but he denied that there was a problem. Then we were at a family gathering this weekend and it was held outside in 90 degree heat. Like everyone else, I said it was hot and wanted to leave after dinner because I felt sick. My husband got angry at me and said he was tired of dealing with my ‘high maintenance personality.’ As we were leaving, he said that being married to me is ‘exhausting’ and that he may want a separation because he can not stand living his life this way anymore. He says that nothing makes me happy and that I can’t just sit back and roll with the punches of life like a normal person. He says that I am spoiled. He says that he feels like he always has to pick up the slack. I admit that I am not as thick skinned as some when it comes to sitting in the heat all day, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. And he knew that when he married me. I told him that I could try to change and he said that people like me never change and that we are just not compatible. He says that I make him ‘feel tired’ and he doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Where does that leave me? I don’t want to lose my husband. This really hurts my feelings and feels like a personal attack. But I could forgive it and move on if he would give me the chance. The problem is that he does not seem at all receptive to me right now.”

    I understand why you are hurt. These types of issues can feel, and sound, like a criticism. When someone tells you that you are ‘exhausting,’ that phrase makes it seem as if they no longer want to do the work to keep up with you. Of course it hurts.

    Understand The Context In Which The Comments Were Made: I think that your husband’s ‘fatigue’ might be due to the fact that the maintenance issue may have bothered him for a while, but he sat silent and said nothing – even when you asked him what was bothering him. So things built up until they exploded. His silence is not your fault. And things may have been easier now if he had addressed the problem much earlier – before he became so angry that he lashed out at you.

    Know That Context Doesn’t Mean That It Isn’t Time To Take Action: It’s normal to hope that this will blow over. And it may – for now. But any time a husband is uttering words that indicate he is tired of your marriage or thinks that there is a compatibility issue, you want to pay very close attention and you want to take action right away. I say this not to scare you, but from the concerned place of someone who was in a similar situation. I hoped for the problem to pass over, but I ultimately ending up separated. I think that I possibly could have avoided that fate by taking action at the first sign of trouble.

    Moving Forward Quickly: It’s unfortunate that your husband waited so long to share that this issue has been bothering him, but you can’t undo that at this point. What you can do, however, is be careful of what (and who) you are presenting to him moving forward. It doesn’t sound as if he has made definite plans to move out or to pursue a separation, which means that you may have some time to address this.

    Sit back and be really honest with yourself. Which of his concerns have some validity? What is he right about? Is this issue something that other friends and family members have expressed? If so, then there is nothing wrong with addressing it. Sometimes, it takes a painful situation to stimulate growth. If you take this and use it to move you forward so that you grow and improve in some way, then at least the pain will have been for something. At least you can use this as a stimulus to improve your marriage.

    If you are very honest and you find that his words do not have validity, then you may went to dig a little deeper. Sometimes, a husband will project another problem onto to what is obvious or handy. It may not have been the heat or your personality at all during that family gathering. But the situation might have given your husband an easy explanation. Sometimes, a husband can be frustrated and not quite sure why. That’s one more reason why it’s very important to be extremely observant right now – so that you are taking action on the items that are truly at issue.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Healing Knee Injuries: A Few Helpful Exercises

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    The knee is one of our most crucial body parts. It plays an important part in our overall body fitness. That is the reason Knee injuries are usually of grave concern as knee injuries have the potential to significantly impair an individual’s mobility or put in plain words- ability to walk or run.

    But, knee injuries are not only the culprit that makes the knee inactive or defective. There are various systemic conditions, specifically few bone diseases like arthritis(osteoarthritis) that also significantly affects the knee joint. However, irrespective of the reason causing knee defects/injuries, exercises play a vital role in the healing process. In fact, Exercises play much more important role than medications in fast recovery from the knee injuries and disorders. In this article, though, we will focus on few extremely helpful exercises that facilitates the fast recovery process from knee injuries. But, before diving further deep into the topic, let’s get ourselves acquainted with knee injuries, its types & causes in brief.

    To start with, knee is made up of the following components- bone, ligaments, fluid & cartilage. Muscles & tendons present in the knee joint helps the part to stay mobile. Understandable, when one of these structures get injured/hurt or is affected due to any systemic conditions/diseases, knee defect/injuries occur.

    Knee injuries are characterized by extreme localized or overall pain, swelling, redness and causes severe impairment in walking activities.

    Knee injuries can be caused due to any accidents, sports activities or by simply awkward twisting of any one of the ligaments or tendons present in the knees. Treatment procedures for knee injuries usually contains a blend of medications & physical therapies( which mainly includes exercises), but in few cases surgical interventions ( such as knee replacement surgery) becomes necessary. In those cases, exercise becomes the only route to recover.

    Some of the major knee injuries include but are not limited to-

    a. Anterior cruciate Ligament (ACL) injuries- Very common in people who are very active in sports such as- soccer, basketball. It usually occurs due to the drastic direction change of the knees which in turn injure the ACL which is one of the connecting ligaments between shinbone & thighbone.

    b. Fractures- It is the second most common cause for knee injuries. Apart from injuries, fractures can also be caused due to osteoporosis which gradually weaken the bones.

    c. Torn Meniscus

    d. Knee bursitis

    e. Patellar tendinitis usually affects the avid runners, skiers, cyclers, etc.

    Knee injuries can also be caused by some other body conditions like- excessive body weight which puts pressure on the legs, to be precise on the knees, dislocated kneecap (which can be treated through a knee replacement surgery), gout, rheumatoid arthritis, due to relapse or getting hurt on a previous knee injury site, due to decrease strength and flexibility of the muscles (may be caused by any number of reasons) and last but not the least due to participation in any type of dangerous sports.

    However, irrespective of signs, symptoms & causes, healing from knee exercises with relatively fast and naturally involve exercises. Types & sets of exercises depends on the nature, severity & type of knee injury and must be prescribed and authorized by the caregiver. Additionally, those exercises can only be done under guidance & supervision of a trainer. Here are few example of relatively simple knee exercises, that usually helps in healing knee injuries.

    Exercise 1-Leg straightening & stretching.

    Lie on your back preferably on a hard. Flat surface. Next, bend your one knee and place the foot on the flat surface. Then, straighten the other leg and raise it in air at the level of the bended knee. This makes the quadricep muscles of the thigh work and puts put very little or negligible strain on the knees. To get the best results, the exercise should be repeated daily 10-15 times in two-three sets. It is recommended to start with low frequency initially and gradually increase the frequency and number of sets gradually and slowly.

    Exercise 2- Hamstring exercises

    This exercise is relatively simpler than the other ones and can be done anywhere, anytime. This simple and easy exercise is known to benefit the knee joint b strengthening the hamstring muscles that are present in the back portion of the thigh and are important for proper knee joint functioning.First, stand on a flat surface, preferably on the floor. Then slowly raise heel of one let as close as possible to one’s butt and is required to stay/hold in that position for 25-30 seconds. Later, with practice the duration can be increased to even 1 minute. Then, repeat the same with the other leg. This exercise is also commonly known as “Hamstring curls”.

    This exercise should be done minimum 15-20 times a set for 4-5 sets daily.

    Exercise 3- Squats

    Squat is known to be extremely beneficial exercise for knee injuries. The position required to perform this special exercise, work up the knee muscles and charge them up leading to fast healing from the injuries. This exercise is an advanced form of knee exercise.

    First, one need to stand straight against a wall or a sturdy, flat and hard surface. Secondly, after standing, one needs to spread their legs apart in line with their shoulder-width. Next, bend very lowly keeping your back straight against the wall/surface. Hold on to that position for 15-20 seconds. But, if one feels uncomfortable, it is recommended to immediately stop doing the exercise.

    It is usually good for the knees if done regularly 10-12 times in 3-4 sets/daily.

    Exercise 4- Calf raising exercise

    Stand with back facing to a chair / sturdy table. One can also stand in front of a wall. Get your hands on the wall surface if needed for supporting your body weight without straining the knees. Then, slowly raise your heels as high as possible by you. Hold on to the raised heel position for 10-15 seconds and then slowly, very slowly lower your heels in the normal position.

    Repeat the exercise daily 10-15 times for at least 3 sets.This exercise helps the knee to get in better shape and help to recover fast from injuries.

    Exercise 5- Step ups exercise

    Very common and extremely helpful exercise for knee injuries.

    One can use staircase for this one or can also use a raised but flat platform. Keeping one’s pelvic level steady, put one foot on the raised level and then slowly bend your knee and then raise your knee. Next, repeat this exercise with the other foot.

    Recommended daily 10-15 times for 4 – 5 sets. Once comfortable and well-practiced, one can raise/increase the height of the platform gradually. The above mentioned are few very easy and simple exercises that are known to benefits knees recovering/healing from injuries. But, one should always remember that of doing any of knee exercises makes you uncomfortable or increases pain, swelling of the knees, then stop exercising immediately and consult your doctor/trainer/care provider without further delay. Staying alert and cautious are the keys.

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    Source by Gagan Deep

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