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  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

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  • Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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    Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

    Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

    Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

    Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

    Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

    Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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    Source by Shuford Davis

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  • Relationships: Can A Relationship Allow Someone To Become More Integrated?

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    When someone first starts to spend time with another person, they may find that they only experience good feelings. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may soon pass.

    The same could also apply when they are not in the other persons company, with this being a time when they will experience good feelings whenever they think about them. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may also pass before long.

    A Gradual Change

    However, as the weeks and months go by, they may find that their emotional experience starts to change. There could be times when they don’t experience good feelings when they are with their partner and the same thing could happen when they think about them.

    When this happens, one could end up experiencing a fair amount of emotional pain. One could come to believe that the reason they feel different is because of what their partner has done or because their partner has changed in some way, for instance.

    One Direction

    If they come to this conclusion, there is going to be no need for them to take a step back and to see if there is more to it. What is going on out there will be the cause and they won’t have played a part in how they feel.

    The outcome of this is that they could end up blaming their partner, with it being clear that they the ones who are at fault. Their partner could end up going along with this or they could end up pushing back.

    Out of Balance

    If their partner goes along with it, it could show that their partner doesn’t have a clear idea of what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. Due to this, it will be normal for them to take the blame for things that have nothing to do with them.

    On the other hand, if their partner draws the line and doesn’t take on what doesn’t relate to them, one may look into what part they are playing in how they feel. If they do this, it will have a positive effect on their relationship and it will also serve one’s own evolution.

    A Different Outlook

    The reason for this is that one will own their own wounds as opposed to blaming their partner for what has been triggered within them. This will stop them for projecting their issues onto their partner, thereby giving them the chance to work through their inner wounds.

    These inner wounds can relate to what has taken place in their adult life and they can go back to what took place during their childhood years. Unlike a physical wound, an inner wound won’t just heal by itself.

    Presence

    An emotional wound can just be covered up and forgotten about by their conscious mind. The downside to this is that when it is brought up to the surface, months or even years later, one can blame another person for how they feel.

    For an emotional wound to be healed, one will need to be with how they feel and to give the wound their full attention. One is then not resisting or trying to change how they feel, they are being with their emotional self.

    A Big Impact

    One way to look at these emotional wounds would be to say that they make it hard for one to operate as a whole human being. They are then going to look whole from the inside, but on the inside they will be anything but whole.

    Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will have many different split-off parts within them. It will take a fair amount of energy for one to keep these parts at bay and it won’t be possible for them to fully show up.

    Weakened

    One could then be in great physical shape, for instance, but they won’t be completely in their power. What this illustrates is that if one ignores these inner wounds, they won’t be able to function at their best.

    Still, what can happen is that one can get used to living in this way, which is why it can seem as though everything is fine. Their energy is unlikely to be as strong as it could be and their presence is likely to be diminished.

    Strengthened

    As they begin to work through their emotional wounds and to integrate these split-off parts, more of them will be able to show up. Furthermore, they will be less reactive and able to be more present around their partner.

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    So by viewing their emotional pain in a totally different way, it will make it easier for them to grow and develop. They will realise that whenever emotional pain comes up, it will be calling out to be acknowledged; it won’t want to be pushed down or changed into something positive.

    Awareness

    If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

    The reason one may need external support is because they might not be able to handle these wounds by themselves, which will stop them from being able to work through them. By having someone else to hold the space for them, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • Your Doctor Says It's Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Now What?

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    Hopefully you've been heeding my advice and you've gone to see your doctor about your hand pain. I'm going to guess that if he told you that he thinks you have carpal tunnel syndrome, he probably gave you a brace (or splint) and told you to come see him in a month. Hopefully he has referred you to a hand therapist or hand surgeon, and now you're just waiting to see what happens next. Don't panic. Once you understand what's involved, I think you'll feel a lot better.

    So, let's talk about that. What IS next?

    First of all, let's talk about what carpal tunnel syndrome really involves. Because if there is something that I've learned over the years, it's that people don't get a good explanation of what is really going on inside their hand. And as I always say, knowledge is power.

    Your "carpal tunnel" is a space in the base of your palm that is formed by several wrist bones and a thick ligament. Imagine it like this: Make an "O" shape between your thumb and your index finger. Now, hold your arm in a way that forces your palm to be facing the ceiling. The bottom half of the circle is a group of bones. The top half of the circle is a ligament. You've just created a mock-up carpal tunnel.

    Through that "tunnel", you have several tendons (that make your fingers bend) and one very important nerve that operates your thumb muscles and also gives you sensation to your thumb, index, middle, and part of your ring finger. Over time, if those tendons swell, they will crush the nerve against the wall (which is the ligament we talked about earlier) and that pinches the nerve, forcing it to stop working well. Usually, your first symptom is numbness or tingling, then hand pain at night, and eventually you start dropping things because your thumb is getting weaker (and you can't feel properly).

    This information is good to have so that you understand WHY the doctor wants you to wear a splint. See, when you bend your wrist in either direction, you pinch the (already irritated) tunnel more, which cuts off the nerve supply and makes your symptoms worse. The purpose of the splint is to keep your wrist "straight" so that the tunnel is as open as possible. Sometimes a splint is all you need to completely recover. Problem solved!

    Go ahead and make that "O" again with your thumb and index finger. Now leave a slight gap where your fingers should be touching. When a surgeon performs a carpal tunnel release, he is simply cutting that ligament in half so that it relieves the pressure that has been squishing the nerve. He does not remove anything. He just opens up the space so that your nerve can "breathe" again. Easy peasy! You will usually have to take it easy for a few weeks, and maybe spend another few in therapy, but after that, you are as good as new!

    See? That's not so bad.

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    Source by Aleks Dukinas

    Views: 0

  • Prophetic Declaration to Overcome Storms of Life in Your Marriage: Powerful Life Changing Prayers

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    If you are faced with problems in your marriage and business, it is only by divine intervention that you will overcome such problems.

    Bible Verses and Prayers to Encourage You As You Face The Battle of Life

    Psalm 23: 1-6 (KJV) "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

    Prayers to Encourage You As You Face The Battle of Life

    – Lord Eliminate the Spirit of always wanting to give up my Life in the Name of Jesus.

    – Give me a fresh breeze of release to lighten my load in Jesus Name.

    – Send the right people in my life to be a source of love, guidance and new opportunities.

    – Teach me your way and your will in Jesus Name

    – Speak to me Lord in a way that I would understand and obey in Jesus Name.

    – If nobody else in the whole world seems to care or believe in me, let me believe in myself.

    – I know there will be times when I doubt my own ability, I will be discouraged, on the verge of despair.

    – Don't let me give up, hang on to me. Fan the fires of my faith so that I will try even harder.

    – Give me even more faith in myself in Jesus Name.

    – I come boldly before your throne of grace.

    – Your word says that you give strength to the weary, so I ask that you would strengthen me Lord, for I am weary.

    – Bless me Lord with your presence, that my heart might be encouraged.

    – Help me remember your faithfulness and your love that I might stand in faith against the issues that face me.

    Prophetic Declaration over your marriage

    Bible says that the ear of the lord is not deaf nor his hand short that he does not hear us, but our iniquities have separated us from our God (paraphrased) Isaiah 59: 1. We therefore must first bring repentance over our past participation by thoughts words or deed our iniquities which would cause the Lord not to hear us.

    Prayer Points

    – I repent over every sin and wickedness in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I turn way from everything in my life that gives Satan a foothold and legality in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I repent of every ungodly confession I have made over my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I repent of every ungodly confession that is standing as a witness and testimony before you in the name of Jesus.

    – Father have mercy upon me in the name of Jesus.

    – Forgive me for wrong confessions, utterances, declarations, thoughts, actions, I have done which are speaking against me, before you in the name of Jesus.

    – I decree and declare that in my marriage shall receive and release the strength, honor, glory that marriage brings in Jesus name.

    – I decree and declare that in my marriage shall reflect the glory of God in Jesus name.

    – I decree and declare that two shall put to flight Ten thousand, that is my portion in my marriage in Jesus name.

    – I decree and declare that wicked patterns and cycles of marriages in my bloodline broken in the name of Jesus and by the voice of the blood of the lamb.

    – Every handwriting of wicked codes speaking against my marriage in be bloated out by the blood of Jesus.

    – I station Angels of defense along my marriage in Jesus name

    – Blood of Jesus surround my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I station the word of the Lord as a wall around my marriage, it shall not be like a city with no walls in Jesus name.

    – I decree and declare that I will have prophetic utterances over my marriage in Jesus name.

    – Blood of Jesus step into the foundation of my marriage and align it to the word of God in the name of Jesus

    – Blood of Jesus speak healing into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak restoration into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak love into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak joy into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak peace to my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak harmony into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak unity into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak wisdom into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak understanding into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak knowledge into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus speak fruitfulness into my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I raise the banner and the standard of Christ and declare the Lordship of Jesus over my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I decree and declare that my marriage shall bear good fruits in Jesus name.

    – Every Spirit of barrenness is broken, and destroyed by the power of the blood of Jesus in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Every pain In my marriage, balm of Gilead cleanse it, heal it Lord, in the name of Jesus.

    – Every bitterness In my marriage, balm of Gilead cleanse it, heal it Lord, in the name of Jesus.

    – Every anger In my marriage, balm of Gilead cleanse it, heal it Lord, in the name of Jesus.

    – Every unforgiveness In my marriage, balm of Gilead cleanse it, heal it Lord, in the name of Jesus.

    – Every sorrow In my marriage, balm of Gilead cleanse it, heal it Lord, in the name of Jesus.

    – I decree and declare that the scent of my marriage shall be a pleasing aroma in your sight Lord and in the body of Christ in the name of Jesus.

    – I decree and declare that springs of life from your fountain will come forth and water every dry area in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Resurrection power of God rest upon every dead area in my marriage and resurrect it in Jesus name.

    – I decree and declare the Angel in charge of marriages shall walk with me in my marriage.

    – I release every goodness my marriage is to bring to my life in Jesus name.

    – let every stranger in my marriage be evicted in the name of Jesus.

    – Let the angel of the Lord pursue to destruction every stranger in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – Every ungodly voice over my marriage be silenced by the voice of the blood of Jesus.

    – Blood of Jesus blot out every wicked ordinance that is standing as a testimony against my marriage in the courtrooms of heaven in the name of Jesus

    – I station the Angel in charge of marriages at the gate of my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I stand in agreement with what the Angel in charge of marriages is confessing before the courts of heaven concerning my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I stand in agreement with what the blood of Jesus is speaking before the courtrooms of heaven concerning my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I stand in agreement with what Jesus the mediator is speaking before the courtrooms of heaven concerning my marriage.

    – Father I pray let my offerings and tithes stand as a testimony and a witness on behalf of my marriage in the courtrooms of heaven.

    – Father I pray arise and become a witness for me against every adulterer in my marriage in the name of Jesus.

    – I decree and declare that the bars of my marriage gates will be strengthened in the name of Jesus

    – I declare my marriage shall be restful, joyous, happy, full of the glory of God.

    – I station these words at the gates of my marriage in Jesus name.

    – I put the seal of the blood of Jesus on my marriage in the name of Jesus.

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    Source by Dr Olusola A Coker Ed.D

    Views: 0

  • Health is Wealth – Do You Agree?

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    I agree whole-heartedly with the saying “Health Is Wealth”. If a person is not healthy then he or she will find it very difficult or even impossible to enjoy life, even though he or she may be very rich.

    If I am asked to choose one from two of the following things, which will I prefer: health without wealth, or, wealth without health? Without hesitation I will choose the former. There is no doubt.

    Wealth is generally associated with how much money a person has, that is, how rich he is. An uncle of mine is very rich. He has just about everything anyone can hope for, and some things no one dares to hope for. That is how rich he is. He lives in a huge mansion guarded by huge dobermans and sophisticated burglar alarms. He has expensive cars, furniture, paintings and other rich man’s toys. Well, he has everything except good health.

    Everywhere he goes he carries with him a bag of medicine. He has to take pills everyday for his weak heart, diabetes and hypertension. He is about sixty years old and has spent his life accumulating wealth. Without doubt he has succeeded in becoming very rich. However he has also succeeded in becoming very unhealthy too. He laments about his lack of health and says that how he wished that he was young and healthy again. Unfortunately, he cannot regain his health again.

    This example of wealth without health is not what I want to follow. It is ridiculous to have so much material wealth but being unable to enjoy it. What is the use of money when one has to take so much medicine everyday just to stay alive? How can one enjoy life when one’s body is weakened by disease and pain? No wonder my uncle laments so.

    Health without wealth is far better. That is what I have now. I do not have to worry even a bit about what I can eat or do. I eat and do what I like because my body is healthy. Of course I do not abuse it by taking drugs or overexerting myself. I take good care of my body. In that way I stay healthy.

    With health I can go about my work with joy. If I become rich, then that is fine. Then again, I may lose my riches, but that is all right too. I can always do the things I enjoy whether I am rich or not. I can play games, swim in the sea, climb hills, eat delicious fruits and appreciate the things of this beautiful Earth. This is indeed wealth – to be healthy and joyous.

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    Source by Ashley Wong

    Views: 0

  • Physical Therapy and Sports Medicine – Know the Differences

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    It isn’t unusual to use the terms sports medicine and physical therapy interchangeably. However the two aren’t exactly the same things even though you may find yourself the patient of both fields at the same time.

    While compatible, the difference between the two branches of medical discipline is clear. Both are effective for treating injuries, diseases and disorders of the muscle and skeletal systems of the body and both are useful for the prevention of future injury or disease symptom reoccurence. By taking an individual look at both types of medical assistance, you will soon see the differences between physical therapy and sports medicine.

    Let’s take a look at the field of physical therapy first. Unlike sports medicine, physical therapy as a whole is devoted to correcting any injury, disease, or disorder of the bones and muscles that can be treated with non invasive techniques. The focus is to provide patients with relief from pain, improve their muscle, joint, and bone function, while providing techniques the patient can use on their own for additional healing. The primary tools of a therapist are good diagnosing and evaluating skills, knowledge of the musculoskeletal system, and knowledge of which therapy is effective for each situation.

    One large difference between the two is that physical therapy doesn’t only deal with sports related injuries or problems. Physical therapists can choose to specialize in their careers with emphasis on things like pediatrics, geriatrics, and neurology. Other areas of expertise included in physical therapy are sports, cardiovascular sciences, and occupational therapy.

    When you are looking at the differences between these two healing arts you certainly can’t overlook sports medicine. The type of medical discipline is solely used for sports related injuries and disorders. While sports physical therapy techniques are commonly used in addition to sports medicine, sports medicine may involve surgeries, procedures, and medications not used in physical therapy. Sports medicine practitioners also can have specialty fields as well. Orthopedics and skeletal emphasis are common. Advanced study of how long term sporting activities and treating sports related injuries are always a part of this particular discipline.

    Understanding the difference between physical therapy and sports medicine may be key to determining how to best treat your physical problem. While they can and are commonly used together, each one has its own distinct benefit. Your medical care team can further help distinguish the two and point you in the right direction in terms of your health care needs. The important thing is take care of any injury, sports related or not, to ensure your body’s function in the years to come.

    The difference between these two medical approaches is obvious. Although the two are often used together, each one has its own purpose and uses. Your doctor can give you advice on which specialist is right for your needs.

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    Source by John Groth

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Wanted The Separation, But Now He’s Constantly Trying To Keep Tabs On Me

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s conflicting behavior during a martial separation. Often, he is the one who initiated the separation and it seems as if he almost can’t wait to leave. But as soon as the couple are living apart, suddenly the husband wants to keep tabs on the wife or seems particularly interested in her day to day activities.

    I heard from a wife who said: “my husband has been wanting to separate for a while. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but after listening to him insist upon it for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go and live with my sister for a little while. Since he was so anxious to get rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, although I knew that I would miss him terribly. I’ve been gone only two days, but now he is constantly calling me and wanting to know what I’m doing. I will answer the phone and the first thing he says to me is ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory way. The truth is, I’m not doing anything and I tell him so. Why does he even ask? He couldn’t get rid of me quickly enough and now it’s like he wants to keep checking on me. What is going on?” I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.

    He May Just Be Missing You: Men often envision having all kinds of peace and quiet so that they can think. But, sometimes this just isn’t the reality. Sometimes all that silence brings about is loneliness. And then he can start to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. And he looks around and notices that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, it might make things easier if he would just tell you all of this, but many men will not. Instead, they’ll call you and do annoying things like asking what, or how, you are doing.

    He Might Be Feeling Insecure: It’s very common for separated spouses to admit that they at least partly suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse might be acting on this suspicion or just looking for reassurance, which leads me to my next point.

    He’s Trying To Determine Your Frame Of Mind: It’s common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have a strong suspicions that you are going to be resentful and angry. Therefore, he might want to keep in close touch to gauge your feelings. He may want to see if your resentment is going to drive you away. And he may be feeling some remorse for his actions.

    Taking Some Positive Implications From These Annoying Questions: I know that this is probably very frustrating. But there is some positive indications here. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking about you at all and was living it up and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, this was hopefully good news to her.

    How To Respond When He Keeps Calling And Asking What You’re Doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And ultimately, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know that it’s tempting to say something like ‘well what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here staring at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home for your silly separation,’ but this is a bad idea. Because you don’t want to discourage him from reaching out to you. Instead, you want to make him want to check in and initiate contact with you. So, as difficult as it may be, try to sound as upbeat as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is the wrong call too, because it brings about pain and makes him want to avoid you. With that said, you don’t want to make it sound as if you are sitting by the phone waiting for his call. You want for him to know that you have too much self respect for that.

    An appropriate response might be something like: “not much. I’m just spending some time with my sister. We’ll probably go out and grab some dinner in a little while. What are you doing?”

    Notice I was light hearted and I turned the question back to him. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. By asking what he was doing, you’re leaving it open ended for him to share his feelings. He might say that he’s not doing anything because he’s lonely. Or he might say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is to not engage with him and don’t ask him why he keeps calling you with his silly questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means he is interested and that he is reaching out. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives at all, let alone care about their experiences or feelings.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • My Wife Is So Sensitive! How to Manage This in a Compassionate Way

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    Feeling as though you’re walking on eggshells in your own home is never a good thing. Although women don’t have the market cornered when it comes to sensitivity, it can be a huge issue for many wives. Living with a woman who is super sensitive leaves a man on edge and can affect the emotional connection he feels with his spouse. Trying to deal with this in an effective and compassionate manner takes some insight, some carefully chosen words and a lot of patience.

    It’s very rare for a woman who is sensitive to only be that way with her husband. Sensitive people tend to carry that trait into every relationship they have including work based ones as well as other family connections. If your wife is just as sensitive with her siblings, her parents or the people she works with, you can take at least some small degree of comfort in that. It doesn’t, however, help you to deal with it in a way that will help your wife manage her sensitivity issues while at the same time ensuring your marriage continues to grow.

    Since you are her life partner you must become the safest person in your wife’s life. You want her to feel as though you’re the one person who truly understands her and isn’t focused on hurting her. To that end you must treat her as the fragile person she is. Simply telling a sensitive person to grow a backbone or to grow up only makes matters worse. People who are sensitive by nature, absorb negative things very deeply so they continually need positive reinforcement.

    Tell your wife on a daily basis how special you believe she is. Give her examples of what you mean. If she’s a considerate and doting mother, tell her you recognize that. If she’s committed to her career and is a perfectionist in that regard, let her know that you deeply admire her drive. If she senses that you are her biggest supporter, she’s going to see you as the shining light of her life.

    It’s incredibly challenging to have any type of productive disagreement with someone who is very sensitive. Even one harsh comment or negative remark can set them into an emotional tailspin. Once that happens nothing is accomplished and the initial conflict becomes more far reaching because feelings are deeply hurt.

    It’s important not to approach your wife if you’re incredibly angry or frustrated. It can be hard to temper what you feel in a moment like that and you may inadvertently say something that will pain her deeply, causing her to retreat into herself. Whatever the conflict is, it will still be there in an hour or two when you’ve had time to cool down a bit and logically think about the best way to initiate a conversation with your wife about it. If you come to a discussion like this with a calm and rational tone, your wife won’t feel too defensive which will help you to solve whatever the problem is.

    You can’t control what anyone else says or does to your wife. Sensitivity is often accompanied with low self esteem issues. It might be commonplace in your marriage for your wife to feel hurt or rejected by others if they criticize her in anyway. Once this happens explain to her that she can’t please everyone but the people who love her most think she’s remarkable. Hearing those words from you, when she’s feeling down, will help her tremendously.

    Love your wife the best way you can and be her supporter at every turn. By being sensitive in your own way to her sensitivity issues you’ll build a stronger and more mutually satisfying marriage. Your wife needs you to understand her so show her that you’re going to do that and more by always being mindful of her feelings.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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