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  • How Smoking (Drug Abuse) and Drinking (Alcohol) Affects Your Academic Performance

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    One day, Barack’s mother, Ann Dunham marched into his room, wanting to know the details of Pablo’s arrest. “Don’t you think you are a little casual about your future?” she asked. “What do you mean? he responded. “Bar, you know exactly what I mean. Your friend Pablo was just arrested for drug possession, and your grades are slipping. You haven’t even started on your college application.”

    Barack Obama was a serious and brilliant student before he gained admission into Punahou School, Honolulu. In this school, he joined the “Choom gang”. It was a self-named gang that spent time together drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and sniffing cocaine. Drugs made the choom gang popular in school. His relationship with the choom gang prospered, but his academics suffered. Drugs and alcohol made him lose focus. All he thought about was how to get high. He and his friends Ray, Pablo, Mark and others exhausted their time devising simply ways of doing drugs, which include total absorption (TA), the antithesis and the choomwagon. Reading was difficult because he was always high and confused. Indeed, he was heading towards becoming a junkie.

    His performance in school was a mess. Barack’s mother was right. His grades were going down every term. He was not even bothered about admission to college. All he thought was drugs because it was part of him. Truly, his friend Pablo was arrested by the police for drug possession.

    When pressure from his mum and his poor performance became unbearable, he thought about not going to college. Nevertheless, Barack’s mother kept encouraging him. She always told him that he could get into any school in the country if he just put in a little effort. Within him, he knew that the “effort” he needed was to quit drugs.

    He managed to graduate without mishap and was admitted into Occidental College in Los Angeles. Even without the choom gang around, Barack continued his drug escapade. To continue his education, Barack was transferred to Columbia University, New York.

    In New York, he decided to stop getting high. For the first time in years, Barack applied himself to his studies. He regained his love and strength for reading. Reading and understanding became easy because he was focused and at alert always. Barack began to trace out his future. It became clear that he had been wasting his precious time on drugs. He attended class regularly and soon graduated with good grades.

    “Using drugs and alcohol was a seriously misguided mistake. It was my greatest moral failure that could have destroyed my future. Maybe if I had not stopped doing drugs, I might have dropped out of school and wouldn’t have become the 44th President of the United States”, he once said.

    Lesson

    Drug and alcohol use on campus is universal. Students articulate many reasons why they do it, but most neglect to consider the academic and long-time consequences of their actions. Some are compelled to use drugs at social gatherings either because everyone else seems to be doing it or they believe it’s the cool thing to do. Others feel that drug and alcohol abuse offers an escape away from school or work-related stress, financial worries or relationship problems. Some feel that alcohol and drug abuse provide a way to compensate for feelings of shyness or low esteem.

    According to one study, 90% of teens said they have used alcohol; 50% have used marijuana; 17% have used cocaine, and 13% have used some form of hallucinogenic drugs. Drug use has been classified as a major problem of students as early as in primary 4. A recent report published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration suggests that adolescents who receive grades of D or below are more likely than those in good academic standing to have recently used cigarettes, alcohol and/or other illicit drugs.

    The new research is part of a large-scale study of health and development conducted in New Zealand. Researchers administered IQ tests to over 1,000 individuals at age 13 (born in 1972 and 1973) and assessed their patterns of cannabis use at several points as they aged. Participants were again tested for IQ at age 38, and their two scores were compared as a function of their marijuana use. The results were striking: Participants who used cannabis heavily in their teens and continued through adulthood showed a significant drop in IQ between the ages of 13 and 38-an average of 8 points for those who met criteria for cannabis dependence. (For context, a loss of 8 IQ points could drop a person of average intelligence into the lowest third of the intelligence range.) Those who started using marijuana regularly or heavily after age 18 showed minor declines. By comparison, those who never used marijuana showed no declines in IQ.

    Researchers studying the effects of alcohol use on the brain are aided by advanced technology such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), diffusion tensor imaging (DTI), position emission tomography (PET) and electrophysiological brain mapping (EBM) showed that long-term heavy drinking lead to shrinking of the brain which impairs learning, memory formation and retrieval. That is why most times we read and forget within a short period.

    The process of generating new brain cells (i.e., neurons) is called neurogenesis. High level of alcohol leads to a disruption in the growth of brain cells. The decline of the number of brain cells leads to problems in learning and behaviour. The number of brain cell a student possesses determines his level of understanding. A student who has a higher amount of brain cells will do better academically.

    Thiamine, also known as vitamin B1, is an essential nutrient required by the brain. Up to 80% of alcoholics have a deficiency in thiamine, which may lead to memory loss and mental confusion. It might also affect your attention and concentration. Substance abusers easily get distracted; misplace things, forgetting to keep appointments and so on. As the brain continues to adapt to the presence of the drug, regions outside of the reward pathway are also affected. Brain regions responsible for judgment, learning, and memory begin to physically change or become “hardwired.” Learning, reading, and comprehension becomes difficult because the brain had been wired to focus on alcohol.

    Alcohol can produce detectable impairment in memory after only a few drinks and as the amount of alcohol increases so does the degree of impairment. Large quantity of alcohol can produce a blackout or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events or even an entire event. Think about how much study time you have lost because you were too hung-over the next day to go to class. Drug abusers oversleep and are always tired.

    Severe Hallucination is another problem faced by drug users. Most times they lose touch with realities during lectures or examination. Physically they are in class but mentally they are somewhere else. Academics requires both physical and mental alertness. Therefore, a “high” students can attend lecture but will derive nothing because he was busy building castles in the air. Hallucination leads to academic failure.

    Everyone who became a drug or alcohol addict started with “let me taste or try it.” Smoking cigarette or Indian hemp or drinking alcohol is not a sign of “big boy or big girl”. It is not a sign of maturity but immaturity. You should not please your company by abusing drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are slow poisons. It solves no problem, if you get high because of financial stress, relationship problems, shyness or peer pressure, after some minute, you will get low and the problem will still be there.

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    Source by Anyaehie George Kelechi

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  • Understanding the Definition of Health Related Fitness

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    Being a Health and Fitness Professional, it is my job to understand terms and definitions which are commonplace to this industry, as well to keep abreast of evolving trends. Through my experience, I have found that a number of terms deserve a little more clarification than that which they are granted.

    Aside from clarifying the definition of Health Related Fitness, this article intends to shed some light on a few of the associated terms, and to show their respective distinctions.

    Is it simply all in a name?

    The fitness world seems to use the concept Health Related Fitness like a generic fitness principle – interchangeable with others like “Physical Fitness”, “Health and Fitness” or simply “Fitness.”

    While all of these terms can be included under the broad term Health and Physical Fitness, they individually refer to different aspects – both generic and specific. Unfortunately, references to these and other fitness-related terms are often vague, while consistency in their intended use is meager at best; there is a kind of “generally accepted” use for them, but individuals often rely on own interpretation, and this can lead to confusion.

    With that said, does Health Related Fitness simply infer fitness by means of good health? Not quite. That is why we need to understand a little more behind these words before digesting the definition.

    How did the term Health Related Physical Fitness come about?

    That is a good question. One could probably ask what is this concept all about – can we not simply use the terms “Fitness” or “Physical Fitness” instead?” Why Health “Related”?

    The main reason stems from the fact that most health and fitness terms are used inconsistently and often refer to different concepts or notions. Subsequent to the 1996 report from the US Surgeon General (Physical Activity and Health; a report of the Surgeon General), there was a move to try and address the alarming rise in obesity levels among the general American public. Studies and initiatives required standardization among clinicians, health practitioners and fitness trainers to grapple with the task at hand. Enter “Health Related Physical Fitness”, a working term to address the general state of health among the public.

    The definition of Health Related Fitness

    According to the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM), the main authority in this field, ineffective definitions with unclear and subjective wordings, as well as definitions containing terms which themselves require defining, have contributed to confusing the term “Physical Fitness.”

    There exists no reliable guide for Health and Fitness Professionals to measure “Physical Fitness”, because the term has been so loosely and inconsistently defined. It is therefore that one should consider the concept of Health Related Fitness. The definition therefore centers on the 5 Components of Physical Fitness which relate to “good health.” These Components are:

    • Cardiorespiratory Fitness
    • Body Composition
    • Flexibility
    • Muscular Strength
    • Muscular Endurance

    On the other hand, Skill Related Fitness Components are:

    • Balance
    • Reaction Time
    • Coordination
    • Agility
    • Speed
    • Power

    According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the definition of Physical Fitness emphasizes the difference between Health Related Physical Fitness and Athletic Ability Physical Fitness. Its point-of-departure is the “health” of the US nation, which is often referred to as the “public health perspective.” In that respect, the 5 Health Related Fitness Components are more important than those related to Athletic Ability (or Skill Related Components).

    Although the concept of Health Related Fitness has an integral association with “good health”, the 5 Components are addressed individually by health professionals to allow for their measurement.

    Now that we have a deeper understanding of the term, what purpose does it serve?

    Continuing from where the definition left off, the objective of measuring the 5 Components is to advise clients about their own particular Health Related Fitness, and to use data obtained from the tests to design appropriate exercise programs which can then be evaluated.

    The 5 Components contribute evenly to make up a holistic Health Related Fitness, which is of direct interest to the health of the ordinary citizen, in that the concept is normative. In other words, it is a standard which allows for consistent application.

    It is therefore important for those working in the health and fitness industry not to mistake “overall physical fitness” with “Health Related Physical fitness.”

    To conclude, let us consider this distinction between Physical Fitness and Health Related Fitness

    One needs to bear in mind that regular physical exercise can improve overall Physical Fitness, as well as Health Related Fitness. However, overall fitness is a generic term and is up to subjective interpretation, while Health Related Fitness can be assessed.

    The distinction therefore, between these two terms, exists in that Health Related Physical Fitness can be measured according to a set of established comparative norms.

    This is where the “rubber hits the road.” The guidelines set out by the ACSM enable health professionals to work with clients to assess and measure their response to exercise and prescribe appropriate exercise programs. A client’s progress can then be monitored and adjusted where necessary in order to obtain the desired fitness goals.

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    Source by Cleto Tirabassi

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  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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  • To Prevent A Divorce And Save Your Relationship Merely Takes A Willingness To Do So

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    If your relationship is going through a rough patch and it is one of numerous rough spots you may be worried that you are heading for divorce.

    Often divorce can’t be avoided, it will depend on the couple and the circumstance, but there are many times that you can pursue healing your relationship prior to it reaches the point for divorce.

    One error many people make is that they start making promises.

    Even if you believe you are genuine and that you can make some attitude and behavior changes, but do not commit, declarations like these will not save your relationship.

    You do need to go over the issues with your partner though since you can’t simply alter who you are to make them more than satisfied, and you need to be pleased and more than satisfied, too.

    Often there are issues that both of you require to work with to improve the relationship.

    The Idea is to Repair the Relationship Issues

    Telling your partner that you love or admire him/her continuously is not a great idea either, because even if it is true and you do like him, stating it constantly won’t repair any issues.

    Telling him that you like him can be seen as a bit of emotional blackmail – when all else fails to say ‘I love you’ – it doesn’t rather work like that.

    Rather, it’s the holiness within each of you that must be and connect seen as whole that is the miracle remedy for a failing marital relationship.

    The Course in Miracles states, “The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment. In all its aspects, as it begins, develops and becomes accomplished, it represents the reversal of the unholy relationship.”

    When a relationship is in difficulty it can be difficult and you may find yourself a psychological wreck and seem to think that to prevent divorce is impossible.

    Due to the fact that it will just drain him more emotionally, this is another factor why you shouldn’t keep telling him that you love him.

    Telling him that he is sexy or that you love him is something you must save for when you have your relationship back on track.

    Another big mistake when a relationship is in difficulty is to constantly argue, and all it does is add more stress to the relationship, and no one wins these arguments.

    No one Wins Over Arguments

    In a previous discussion I went deeper into the best marriage advice online and does couples therapy really work?

    – Do not start any arguments with your partner and if he begins one then leave.

    – If he would like to go over matters, when he has actually soothed down then ask him.

    – Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor.

    You are not wanting to prove who is best at relationships and who is to blame for it stopping working, but do approach it like a partnership that you both need to help each other with.

    Sit down with your husband/wife and calmly talk about any problems you have, if your marriage is heading for divorce perhaps discuss how to avoid divorce.

    Don’t argue with him however ask him exactly what he is feeling and how he thinks you can prevent and enhance the marital relationship divorce.

    To save your relationship take his answers into factor to consider along with your own sensations and attempt to work some compromise that will make you both feel better.

    If you handle the problem in a calm and fully grown method, you can between the two of you, and perhaps with marriage counseling, find how to avoid a divorce.

    Even if you believe you are sincere, but he/she is not, and that you can make positive changes, statements of demanding or pleading will only hurt chances for how to fix a failing relationship.

    – Can you stop a divorce after filing?

    It Takes a Readiness to do the Work

    You may, but typically there are issues that both parties need to work with to rather than dealing with a breakup to enhance the relationship.

    Telling him that you enjoy him or that you will do anything for him/her, is something you need to save for when communication and holiness within is found and connected, and you have your relationship back on track.

    When a relationship is in trouble and continuously arguing is happening, the biggest error that needs forgiveness is.

    Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor to find who is best at relationships and who is to blame, because the ego is in charge then, and you’ll see you both ending the relationship.

    It may be time for leaving the relationship where healing after a breakup is your next phase if you simply can not reconnect and heal within your hearts.

    (I also suggest searching the web for further content that dives into the idea of getting back with your ex, if that may be in the cards, and sure ways to rekindle a relationship.)

    To success in life and love!

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

    Views: 0

  • Basics of Money Management

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    Money plays an important part in our every day lives and making the most of what we have will help us live a life free of financial pressures. By learning some basic rules, you can make life easier for yourself and for those who depend on you. Here are my basic rules.

    Rule one. Don't borrow money for consumable goods. What are consumable goods? They are stuff that lose value over time. Stuff you want but can live without. Examples are electronics, subscriptions to magazines, auto mobiles etc.

    Rule two. Live within your means. In other words, spend less than you make. I know that may sound hard if you are on a tight budget but to just take easy credit when it is available to you is simply inviting financial disaster.

    Rule three. Become financially educated. This can only be done by reading all you can about the various investment options available to you. There is really no excuse for not being kept up to date with all of the financial news because there is so much information on financial matters available on and offline.

    Rule four. Diversify. A mistake that some investors have made in the past is to put all of their eggs in the one basket only to find that the company they invested their money in went bellyup. Prudent investors diversify. That is spread their money around in various companies to minimize their risk.

    Rule five. Keep good company. There are people about who have bad attitudes toward financial planning and money in general and if you spend too much time with these people there attitudes can affect your thinking.

    Rule six. Take responsibility for your own finances. Some people will ask others for advice just so that they have someone to blame if things do not work out for them. A financial advisor will tell you to do this or that but at the end of the day it is your money and you are the one who reaps the rewards when the markets are up or takes a hit when they are down.

    Rule seven. Take a long-term view of your investments. Investing your savings is a long-term game and in order to take advantage of the gains in the markets you have to take a hit sometimes which means not panicking when the markets are going down.

    Rule eight. Keep the big picture in mind. In other words have a target or goal in mind. Are you saving for a house deposit or your retirement?

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    Source by Robert Alan Stewart

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  • My Wife Never Says She Loves Me – Does This Mean That My Marriage Is About to Be Over?

    My Wife Never Says She Loves Me – Does This Mean That My Marriage Is About to Be Over?

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    Are you stuck in a marriage, scratching your head in wonderment, saying my wife never says she loves me?

    If you’re in this position and you’re worried about your marriage going downhill fast, then you really need to pay special attention right now.

    This could mean trouble…

    Should I Panic If My Wife never Says She Loves Me

    Now here’s the thing. This could mean terrible trouble for your marriage, but it could also be absolutely nothing. You may be panicking and your wife just isn’t the type of person who goes around say I love you all the time.

    That does happen.

    However it still means that there’s a lot of room for improvement and it also tells me that your wife doesn’t adore you. You’re not the man that makes her swoon anymore. That’s especially apparent if she USED TO say I love you all the time, and now she’s stopped.

    So you’ve got some work to do either way. You can turn this around.

    Now here’s the thing that must happen first. You must accept responsibility, and take some of the blame that YOU haven’t the things that you could be doing that make a woman…and yes even a wife,..melt when she sees you.

    Most men mistakenly think that this is something that automatically goes away just because you’ve been married for a while. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just think, you’ve had all this time with your wife, so she should be completely and totally obsessed with you at this point if you think about it.

    But don’t worry, because you probably didn’t even realize this was possible. And you’re not alone. I too thought this was the norm. I was happy just to get along with my wife, until I realize that I could make her love me more, become nearly obsessed with me, and well…be completely attracted to me. And you know what that means!

    Here’s what it takes. It takes being the man that your wife truly wants. It means being the type of man that makes women obsessed with them. We’ve all seen them. And usually us guys make the mistake of thinking it’s because of looks, or money, or material things.

    Not even close to true, and I’m sure you can think of example to prove that. I’m sure you can think of those guys who always have women swooning over them and you sit there and think…why? How the heck is the guy doing it?

    The Secret to Making Your Wife Swoon

    Here’s the secret right here in this article, that could absolutely change your married life forever.

    The thing is that your wife must be attracted to you before she can get those fuzzy feelings of obsession for you. And the type of man that she is attracted to, down to her core…down to her DNA…is an alpha man who is (or at least seems to be) in charge.

    A leader is what your wife is looking for. Of course it’s so buried down deep in her DNA that she really doesn’t even get this. She thinks that all of these things that society makes her believe is what she wants, but the proof always shows up when a man starts acting like the alpha male that she really wants. It’s an amazing transformation, and you’ll quickly stop even worrying about having to say my wife never says she loves me because she’ll be showing it in more ways than one.

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    Source by Jason T. Nelson

    Views: 0

  • What Do Wives Do To Get Their Separated Husbands To Come Home?

    What Do Wives Do To Get Their Separated Husbands To Come Home?

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    I sometimes hear from wives who want to know “the secret” that separated wives use to get their husbands to come home. I often hear comments like: “what do those women do to get their separated husbands to willingly come home? They must be doing something that I’m not doing. Because in my mind, I have tried everything but my husband isn’t even remotely interested in returning home.” I heard from a wife who said: “my husband and I separated about the same time as our neighbors separated. My female neighbor and I would often have dinner together and discuss strategies. Well, her husband came home last weekend ready to work things out and mine is still living away from me and is showing no signs that he might return. What did she do that I didn’t? Because when I ask her this, she says she can’t pinpoint anything that she said or did. She said that her husband just seemed ready to come home. What is she doing that I’m not? I need to know how all of these wives get their husbands to come home so that I can do the same things because I miss him and need him here.”

    I could completely understand this wife needing answers. I was separated myself a few years ago and I was absolutely desperate for any answers. I was willing to try absolutely anything to get my husband to come home. And sometimes, I feel as if that were part of the problem. While I was grappling for answers, my desperation got the better of me and I jumped around trying different things and changing behaviors, which eventually just made things worse.

    I think that sometimes, the husband is just ready to come home or he just comes to his own realizations. But I think that other times, there are things that some wives are able to do to nudge their husband to come home a little sooner. Through research, I learned some of these methods which really helped me and I will share some of them with you now.

    Some Wives Plant The Idea That Their Husband Has Something Meaningful To Come Home To: This is common sense, but it is so often missed. In order for your husband to come home, he will often need to believe that his quality of life with you at home is going to be much better than his quality of life without you away. Sometimes, this isn’t very difficult because your husband is having bad experiences or feelings while he is away. But other times, this can be a little more difficult because, even if the husband isn’t completely happy away, he is able to avoid the conflict and the drama of life at home when the future of his marriage is uncertain.

    Coming home sometimes leaves him with an unknown. And since he can’t see into the future, he will often rely on past behavior. If the past leaves you a lot to overcome, then you will have to rebuild the trust and allow him to see how or why things might change when or if he comes home. He must believe that things are going to be better at home not just for the short term or the long term. Sometimes, this takes time and requires you to carefully lay the groundwork.

    You’ll want to be patient, understanding, and easy to approach and talk to. If the two of you argue when you are together (or even argue about his coming home,) then he will understandably have doubts about moving forward and coming home. After all, if you can’t get along now, what is going to change once he comes home?

    Separated Wives Who Nudge Their Husbands Home Will Often Cultivate A Playful New Dynamic Between Them: Many wives whose husbands are eventually lured back will admit that they were able to put their fear aside, at least while their husband was present. They were able to keep things light hearted and positive, even if they didn’t always feel this way deep inside. They did this because they knew that when things went well with their husband, then he was more willing to see or interact with them in the future. They also knew that keeping things light and playful would help to neutralize what was already a stressful situation. They suspected that focusing on fear and uncertainty was only going to make things worse.

    I know first hand that this is sometimes challenging to pull off. Sometimes, you feel anything but upbeat, and you really have to look at the big picture so that you don’t just give into your negative feelings and make things worse. But in the end, it is worth it. As I improved my attitude, our relationship improved. And my husband was more willing to spend time with me. And as he was more willing to spend time with me, I made each encounter count so that things continued to get better and better.

    Successful Wives Don’t Try To Rush Or Push Their Husbands To Come Home Before He’s Truly Ready: Here’s one last important point. When things are going well, it’s extremely easy to be quite tempted to suggest that your husband comes home the second that your situation improves. Sometimes, this is a mistake. It’s often better if you can wait for him to suggest that he is ready to come home. At the very least, make sure that he is enthusiastic and willing before you suggest it. Because, if you suggest it to soon, he may well think that your light hearted and easy going attitude was only meant to get him home. He may worry that once he gives in and comes home, you’re going to drop the act. And this is the last thing you want. You want for him to not only believe that things are going to change and improve, you want that to be the truth so that your marriage not only reconciles, it lasts for the long haul and it makes you both happy.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Trading Psychology – The Number One Goal-Setting Mistake Traders Make in Trading

    Trading Psychology – The Number One Goal-Setting Mistake Traders Make in Trading

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    The number one goal-setting mistake traders make is setting goals related to money. Active traders will often tell me that they have a goal of making X-dollars a day or X-points a day. That's just not a good way to structure a goal.

    Trading Goals Related to Money

    What happens when the market trades in a very narrow range? Typically, price movement will remain within the first hour's range throughout the day. That range might only be 5 or 6 points – too narrow to offer much trading opportunity. It is very difficult to make money on such narrow range days.

    So, if you goal was to make X dollars a day how do you do that on a narrow range day? Since it is nearly impossible to make good trades on such a day, you would have failed to achieve your goal. And, if you couldn't read that the market has narrowed its range and instead tried to reach your money goal, you would have likely been trying to trade at every little turn and wound up over trading a choppy, range-bound day. At best your money goal had set you up for failure because you couldn't achieve it. Worse, your money goal caused you to force trades in a choppy market, and maybe you lost money. Goals that promote failure, poor trading habits, and losses are not useful goals.

    A Better Trading Goal

    A better goal focuses on your development as a trader. It will help you improve your trading knowledge, skills, or abilities. Rather than thinking about money, think instead about the process of trading. The process of trading simply refers to the skillful actions a trader takes in trading effectively. A useful question to ask is:

    What trading process, if I were to improve and develop in this area, would add to my ability as a trader?

    Example of a Better Trading Goal

    An example will help to illustrate how to do this. Let's say you want to improve your ability in trading trends. You have done a self-assessment of your trading on trending days and find that your greatest limitation is that you tend to counter trade the trend. A simple solution might be to notice whether the market is moving with momentum and making higher lows and higher highs (for a bullish trend). A useful process goal then becomes:

    Prior to taking a trade that fades a move, I will assess whether the market is moving with momentum and making higher highs and higher lows. If it is trending, I will not take the trade. I will execute this process on at least 85% of all trades considered over the next 20 trading days.

    Note that this goal is useful because it builds skills and ability in assessing market movement. It also keeps the trader from taking poor quality trades. The next step for this trader would be to develop a goal to execute trades consistent with the trend – again, a process goal.

    Trading goals should be designed to help you achieve. Goals related to money, points, or other 'stats' won't help you do that. Work on trading goals that are related to achievement by helping you to develop your trading skills.

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    Source by Gary Dayton, Psy.

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