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My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

January 16, 2020
Myth of "An Internal Customer"

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Honestly is there an internal customer? The term “Internal Customer” has been so over used that it has become a cliche, losing it’s original meaning. The term Internal Customer was originally used in the field of Management Science (MS). However it was later popularized by Joseph Juran, the management consultant known for his dedication towards quality management in companies, especially factories.

The initial use of the term Internal customers was meant to refer to ‘users’. This user refers to people who will utilize the output of another department or unit. Thus the term internal and external customer was born. External customer refers to customer/consumers outside the company who are users of the product/services of the company and internal customer refers to user of the product/services of another department/unit. The use was purely for technical differentiation.

However the term was later extended to reflect management styles, teamwork, interdepartmental communication etc. The extension went beyond technical relationships between departments and individuals in the company (known as the hard areas) to include the soft areas of attitude, experience, teamwork etc. This is when you will find bosses promoting teamwork by asking the employees to view and treat another department like their own customer. What seem shocking is that even trainers and consultant preach this gospel when they themselves cannot treat their own receptionist or account’s clerk like a customer.

The thing is that first we need to be truly honest with ourselves and answer this question: “Can I see and treat the accounts department or the purchasing, marketing, IT, technical support; as our own customer?” And that means you work to give the other department your best, take all of their nonsense and pacify yourself by saying with a smile: “Oh well… they are after all my customers.”

The problem lies with the word – Customer. The very word suggests to our mind that it is business transaction, money and that there is a direct monetary benefit that will come out of this transaction. These things are not that apparent when we deal with another department (at least not as direct as with real customers). So why are we swimming against the current to beat the hell out of our team to get them to except the other colleagues as customers. Let’s face the fact… it is not going to happen. The other department may be your internal customer from Juran’s standpoint of management science. But they are definitely not customers from the standpoint of our interaction and operation on a daily basis. Internal Customer is a Myth.

The answer is Partner. Instead of beating on the workforce to accept the idea of internal customer (which the brain tickles itself every time you hear it); why don’t use a term that our psychology and conscience would accept. Partner is a much more acceptable term.

In sales and customer service, we talk about maturing the seller-buyer relationship. This maturing process consumer-to-partner starts from a Consumer to a Customer to a Client and then a Partner. When a person buys something from us through a third party or a middleman, they are consumers to us. When they buy it from us, they become our customer. A client refers to a relationship where the seller acts as an advisor. This could be when the product or service requires guidance or follow up. Such examples would be like an attorney, wellness centres, fitness instructor and to some extent even real estate agents. The third stage is called the Partner. This is when the buyer and seller have formed a powerful bond that is glued by trust, transparency, mutual respect and an interest in each other’s success. We are talking about a powerful relationship that is productive to both.

The situation with a work team is that by default they are in a situation of partners. The systems, processes and daily activities are all centred around a partnership-like relationship rather than a customer relationship. So why would we want to ‘de-mature’ (if that term makes us understand) that relationship to a customer-vendor relationship. Taking a customer situation, you would probably call one of your customer Mr Goldwin or Ms Johnson in the earlier meetings. But in a partnership relationship, you would conveniently refer to them with their first name. Wouldn’t it look weird for a person who calls someone Tim all the while to one day call him Mr Goldwin?

While I am not saying that you will call your colleagues by their surname in an internal customer situation; the weirdness of treating a colleague as a ‘customer’ is as absurd as that. So the better alternative would be to motivate the team to accept one another as partners. This can be done by building the trust in the team, practicing a sense of openness at the leadership level, making everyone in the team feel special for their contribution and showing how their personal successes depend on the team’s successes. Team members are not internal customers but Partners. Lets be honest with ourselves.

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Source by Jegatheeswaran Manoharan

Views: 0

January 15, 2020
Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

Areas of conflict:

o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

o Physical and emotional abuse.

o Self-centeredness.

o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

o Infidelity.

The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

“Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

There are two options available.

1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

Negative Approach:

– One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

– Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

Positive Approach:

1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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Source by Eva Bell

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
8 Tips to Help You Make an Online Dating Site Work for You

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Today, online dating websites use artificial intelligence to help you get in contact with the right person. If you are looking for an effective way of making your favorite dating sites work for you, our expert tips may help you. On these platforms, you can get advice on relationships and dating. Plus, you will get a lot of relevant quizzes.

Since these platforms attract millions of visitors on a regular basis, experts say that you have to use the right approach to make the platform work for you. Let’s read some tips.

Set your Priorities

First of all, you need to set your priorities, which means you need to set criteria for things you are looking for in your desired partner. Therefore, what you need to do is do your homework before you start your search. Also, this will help you create a short list of potential candidates.

Consider your Interests

You may want to choose a site that can match your interests. Your next move is to opt for a platform that you think can help you get the person you are in search of. On big platforms, your chances of finding the right person will be higher.

Have a Live Chat

Although it’s nice to chat with your partner online, it can’t be an alternative to a face-to-face conversation. If you are just getting started, meeting in person may not be possible. So, it’s a good idea to have a live video chat. This will help you find out if you can take it to the next level.

Be Realistic

Although you may find exactly the person you are looking for, make sure you are realistic. In other words, your expectations should be realistic.

Personality Tests

It’s interesting to run some personality tests, but don’t think that they are perfect. The matching bot of the dating site can’t beat personal experience. So, what you need to do is have an open mind about the person who the algorithm think is not good for you. That guy or girl may be an excellent prospect.

Beware of Dishonest People

While communicating with a prospective date on a dating website, make sure you trust your gut instincts. You can use many ways to find out if they are lying to you. Make sure you do all you can to be conservative and protect yourself.

Safeguard your Self-Esteem

If you don’t find your desired person even after several days, don’t lose heart. Even after trying your level best, if you fail to achieve success, we suggest that you sit with a close friend for suggestions. This will help you avoid mistakes that you might have made during the process.

Create a Catchy Profile

Make sure you prepare your profile carefully. Ideally, your profile should be a clear description of who you are. This will help others find you more easily. If your profile is poorly made, you may have to face disappointments.

In short, these are some techniques that can help you make an online dating site work for you.

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Source by Shalini M

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
Heal Your Broken Heart With Heart Touching Poems

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Being in love is an amazing experience in itself. Countless days and nights thinking about someone and the moments you spend with them takes you in a world which is far away from reality and seems just like heaven. Lots of promises and commitments for spending the life together is an essence that can never be forgotten. Unfortunately, all the couples are not so blessed; they have to face the separation in the mean of their love journey.

Whatever the reason may be either the circumstances or the misunderstandings, it seems like all the happiness is going too far from their life. At that time one feels that he should lock himself in a dark room and keep on talking with those memories. It feels like the whole world is laughing on the separation of two hearts.

Generally, those broken heart guys love to read their previous chats, messages, and letters again and again. No one knows why people do this while the fact is it’s the power of words that take them to rewind all their memorable moments and tears automatically comes out of their eyes. World witnessed that power of word can change an enemy into a friend and vice-versa.

Love poem have proved their significant existence in the life of the broken heart guys. These love separations have given birth to popular poets. Every one of them has their own love story and unforgettable memories behind those words of the poem. If you are also among the ones that are not so blessed to have your partner with you for lifetime and one thing may work in your favor at this time.

Try to write your feelings in the form of poem instead of sharing them with all. Once people will show you sympathy but they will not listen to you again and again. And a time will come when they may also hurt you by making fun of your feelings.

Writing such poems will not only give your heart a relief but a writer may come out from you. With time it may become your hobby which may transform into strength. Though, it’s also true no one can forget their first love. But, sooner or later everyone has to overcome from this deadly experience.

Remember that, you are doing this for your own benefit. Because when you will complete one poem you will definitely feel the need to write the other. You may notice that different elements of your pain come out of your heart – at first may be pity and then regret but definitely a glimmer of hope will come someday. Just keep on writing whatever bubble ups from the heart to the surface of your mind. Always remember that time is the biggest ointment that will definitely fade out those memories from your life. No matter how far the person has moved away you will definitely learn to live a happy life.

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Source by Sarika Kataria

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
The Motionless Traveller by Author Aspi Doctor, a Spiritual Journey

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The Motionless Traveller by Author Aspi Doctor

I thought it fitting to play my Dalai Lama CD while contemplating the novel I have just finished; “The Motionless Traveller” by author Aspi Doctor. It assists in setting the tone while I attempt to articulate the many levels of knowledge woven in between the lines for the reader to catch or to just simply sit back and enjoy the ride. Yes, the Dalai OM’ing in the background of my concsious mind overseeing that this review is done with honour. I think he would approve.

Aside from the fact that I am continually amazed at the phenomenal talent to be found off the beaten path of the big box book publishing houses and corporate monopoly distributors and retailers, who knew that this Northern Ontarian would be reviewing a such a ‘shining star’ from India.

To have the gist of the novel, it is important to understand a bit of the man behind the words. Aspi was born in Bombay, India into a family of Zoroastrians and avid readers. He first demonstrated his gift for storytelling in primary school, to the delight of his classmates. Among the many other demands of a vocation within academia and in pursuit of his passion of the written word, Aspi studied English Literature obtaining a Masters Degree and Diploma in Journalism at the University of Bombay. Here Aspi was awarded the honourable prize of ‘First Standing’ in his subject group, and continued to explore many other dimensions of the wonderful world of literature in the Dramatic Arts and Theatre, Public Speaking and Radio Script Writing.

In 1969, Aspi finally began putting pen to paper in earnest above and beyond his full duties as Principal and Academic of the Tolani College and the A.P. College of Commence, (affiliates of the University of Bombay). As a respected educator in his own right, he wrote and published a number of Text Books, such as; Business Communications-25 editions, Bank Correspondence-11 editions, Communications Skills in English-12 editions, Mass Communications-6 editions and more.

In 1980, this calm, wise, insightful, mild mannered and ever smiling semi-retired professor began to put his wealth of knowledge into fiction format with “The Motionless Traveler”.

A futuristic story that begins in Bombay India, in an era of post fossil fuel exhaustion and overpopulation with a bored government worker named Krish. Jolted out of his routine life when he rescues a young girl from a street gang, Krish inadvertently embarks on an adventure that spans the globe when he is gifted a ‘magical’ statue of the Buddha. Intertwined within the many levels of the story the reader gains glimpses into the Indian cultural mind with hints of Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Spiritualism with some key Natural Law and Quantum Physics to ponder. Through the fine art of storytelling, we participate in Krish’s spiritual and metaphysical journey to a desert in Arabia, to Africa, to Mexico, to New Mexico, the United States, all to arrive at destination Canada. However, the true destination is to be continued long after the Buddha is handed over to a scientific research group, whose intent is to unravelling the statues mysteries amidst much intrigue as.

Krish’s magical journey across oceans and continents brings thought provoking insights to the reader while he grows into new found power and understandings of the laws of nature and ultimately the evolution of mankind as a whole.

As with all great teachings, the story is innately and humbly human while touching on the sacredness of the spiritual journey toward a collective and timeless God consciousness.

Aspi continues to devote his so called spare time to his current writing endeavors which include another fiction novel entitled “Feet of Clay”. Several more text books are also in progress and pending publication.

Aspi is currently the Vice President of the Association of College Principals in Bombay and an active member on the board of directors of two other educational institutions.

I look forward to his next novel with anticipation of yet another spiritual journey filled with insights and the human condition. I am happy to recommend this work.

Addendum: It is worth the time to peruse the http://www.ideaindia.com web site, a wealth of talented authors, good books, free e-books and articles covering many genres and topics.

Reviewer:

Jan Porter – http://www.inspiredsoulworks.com

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Source by Jan I Porter

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
Book Summary – The Master-Key to Riches – Written by Napoleon Hill

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This book in a nutshell is a must read for anybody wanted to improve their lives. Regardless of what area you want to improve, Napoleon Hill shows the Master-Key works. Napoleon Hill died in 1970 at 87 years old. Thus the research he did was way ahead of his time. He profiled Andrew Carnegie who created U.S. Steel and mentored Charles Schwab. Andrew Carnegie commissioned Napoleon Hill to profile successful people to see if there was a pattern. This book along with Think and Grow Rich is a combination of that research.

Why is this important to me?

If I was spending my precious time listening to this video then the first question I would ask is – Why is this important to me?

This is important because Mr. Hill explains the 12 riches of life and how to achieve them. Are you where you want to be or do you need help defining true happiness? The study of the 12 riches and the Master-Key defined in this book will give you the blueprint for happiness.

The 12 Riches of Life are: 1. Positive Mental Attitude, 2. Sound Physical Health, 3. Harmony in Human Relationships, 4. Freedom from Fears, 5. The Hope of Achievements, 6. The Capacity of Faith, 7. Willingness to Share One’s Blessings, 8. A labor of Loves, 9. An Open Mind on All Subjects, 10, Self-discipline, 11. The capacity to Understand People, 12. Economic Security.

All 12 riches are important but for the sake of time we will dig into three of them in this summary.

1. Positive Mental Attitude – Mental attitude is important because it converts the brain into the equivalent of an electro-magnet which attracts the counterpart of one’s dominating thoughts, aims and purposes. It also attracts the counterpart of one’s fears, worries and doubts. This basically means that you will manifest in your life that which you focus on regardless if it is positive or negative.

2. Sound Physical Health – This one is self-evident and should be number one. In my humble opinion, without health, you cannot create anything. Health is the ultimate gift because with it, everything else is possible. This can easily be taken for granted but once it is taken from you then life changes instantly. This needs to be a priority for everybody.

3. The Capacity to Understand People: The person who truly understands people knows that we all come from the same core. The nine emotions common, according to the book are: love, sex, desire of material gain, self-preservation, freedom from body and mind, self-expression, desire for perpetuation of life and death, anger and fear. The capacity to understand others eliminates many of the common causes of friction among men.

The Master-Key is a combination of 17 principles when used in combination will allow you to achieve the 12 Riches of Life.

The Master-Key consists of:

1) Habit of going the extra mile

2) Definiteness of Purpose

3) The Master mind

4) Applied Faith

5) Pleasing Personality

6) Habit of learning from defeat

7) Creative Vision

8) Personal Initiative

9) Accurate Thinking

10) Self-Discipline

11) Concentration of Endeavor

12) Co-operation

13) Enthusiasm

14) The Habit of Health

15) Budgeting Time and Money

16) Golden Rule Applied 17) Cosmic habit force.

For the sake of time we will profile three of the seventeen.

1. Definiteness of Purpose – Highly successful people have a defined purpose. Mother Teresa dedicated her life in helping the poor of Calcutta and through her definite purpose became world renowned and helped millions of people.

2. The Master Mind – is a group of people that have expertise that can be leveraged toward your defined purpose. Leveraging the combined OPE (Other People’s expertise) gives a compound effect to the desired result.

3. Habit going the Extra Mile – I like this one because the 12 Riches of Life can NOT be attained without hard, smart and right work. You have to do the thing to have the power!!!! Notice this is the HABIT of going the extra mile. Ingrain this in your mind and you will not be disappointed with the results.

I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit.

Habits form in as little as 21 days. I highly recommend you read this book and put the principles in place. To take one thing away from the summary and make it habit will be the “Habit of Going the Extra Mile”. Put this front and center and it will help you in everything you do.

According to Mr. Hill, Going the extra mile by doing more than one is paid for – “It is the strange influence which it has on the person who does it. The greatest benefit from this habit does not come to those to whom the service is rendered. It comes to the one who renders the service, in the form of a changed “mental attitude,” which gives him more influence with other people, more self-reliance, greater initiative, more enthusiasm, more vision and definiteness of purpose. Do the thing and you shall have the power!!!!

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Source by Joe Mosed

Views: 0

January 13, 2020
The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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Source by David Pino

Views: 0

January 12, 2020
The Making of a Multi-Million Dollar Insurance Salesperson

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Every sales person or sales agent fantasizes about becoming a millionaire. This is how one individual became a Multi Million Dollar Insurance Salesperson.

Over half the insurance agents recruited earn less than $50,000 before making a quick exist. So how do you make a million dollars, an then more? Especially when your career involves selling insurance? For me it was not by working 70 hours a week. No “get rich quick” insurance trade magazine article or ad inspired me. I don’t ever recall working with millionaire clients. In fact, in my case it would take a ton of policies to equal a million dollars premium collected, let alone commission earned. I never even received one of the over 90 insurance designations currently available.

My case involved putting together a formula, that you could easily (with effort) mix to achieve similar or superior results. For me the ingredients were composed of four components.

WILLPOWER I need to convince myself that I could achieve the insurance production goals I was setting. To begin, I purchased a collection of books on positive thinking. In them they emphasize phrases like “I Can” and “I Will”. I repeated these key word phrases over and over in my conscious mind, and saw some definite steady improvement in my sales achievements. Good but not good enough.

Suddenly I was introduced to self-hypnosis and my insurance career instantly changed. This was not some occult form of hocus-pocus but sheer enrichment that builds and builds. It start with a client from England who was a professional hypnotist. I was intrigued, and he agreed to teach me how the subconscious mind automatically overrides the conscious mind. He then graciously taught how to easily hypnotize myself anytime I wanting. I programmed myself for success, and success followed.

SALES SKILLS The so called selling skills insurance companies showed me, never really improved. I quickly saw that repetition of a bad habit is dangerous to your career. Now that my income was rising, I added another piece of dynamite to reaching sales goals faster. If I could double my closing ratio, it was simple to see my income doubling.

I invested in the Dale Carnegie course for sales people. During this course I learned the steps that must be covered properly if you are going to expect a sale. What I did not expect was the announcement that passing the course required covering all the points in a two minute or less presentation. This is when I re-emerged a trait, I was not using enough.

DETERMINATION I set myself a goal that surpassed just passing the course. Although there were around 25 people taking the course, I was determined. Not only was I going to pass, but my presentation would be voted the best of my fellow 2 dozen professional sales people. Needless to say, it took willpower, sales skill, and determination galore. Winning, gave me a feeling of floating sky high. After this I felt I could sell snow to an Eskimo.

NO FEAR I have to admit, when I started selling insurance I was full of fears. It took the first 3 ingredients and one more step to prove to myself that I now had no fear. I had to do what few before me financially succeeding in trying. That was to make sales, by breaking the established rules, and doing what “experts” considered would only be done by fools. I would exchange my briefcase for a folder and yellow pad. My suit and tie would be reserved for funerals, and my dress code would be neat, yet informal. Now I was prepped for my no fear test.

Without setting a single appointment, I opted to just knock on a prospects door, and do a simple presentation. I also programmed myself to act casual, using a “well, maybe you can’t afford it” approach if I had a closing objection. I knew most prospects have their conscious minds ready to be told they can certainly afford it. Using the opposite effect would alter their conscious thinking process.

Starting on a Monday morning and working no evenings I wanted to test my abilities to the max. I started out well self-hypnotized and with about 50 prospect cards, some of them “leads”. Remember now, we are talking over 30 years ago. Without appointments I saw 25 prospects and made 30 straight sales of all sizes. Not a single strikeout. With over $20,000 premium and much of it in annual cash payments, I decided to stop with $12,000 in commissions. I had accomplished and achieved my goals in just four days. Yes, with a rounded effective formula you can put on the brakes.

MY FIRST MILLION was then made very easily. For me, I proved I could become a millionaire, by breaking all the rules. My average policy size was not gigantic but my closing ratio was incredible. I did not wear a suit or tie or carry a briefcase. My cars were snazzy new Camaros and Mustangs, and I quit wasting time struggling to make appointments.

There is one danger in programming yourself to achieve a certain goal. Since you are bound to achieve it, before applying self-hypnosis, ask yourself if it is good for your mind and body to do whatever it takes.

To become a multi million dollar insurance salesman, do the opposite of most salespeople are doing. Develop your own prospecting methods, presentation sills, and closing tricks. It becomes much easier making an insurance sale when in your mind you have already done it, and have the acquired sales skills to back it up.

I did it my way. You can too.

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Source by Donald Yerke

Views: 0

January 11, 2020
Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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Source by Shuford Davis

Views: 0

January 11, 2020