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  • The Healing Synergy of Talk and Touch

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    • Touch allows you to get to the heart of the matter.
    • Talk allows you to understand its meaning.
    • Combining empathic talk with gentle, healing touch is transformational.

    The Rubenfeld Synergy Method (RSM) was developed in the 1970’s by its founder, Ilana Rubenfeld. She began her career as a conductor and gradually began having intense pain in her back and shoulders. This led her on a journey toward personal exploration and self-healing. At that time, she received Alexander Technique sessions which were focused on helping her to re-align her posture and movement. But as she received this gentle touch, her emotions would bubble to the surface and the Alexander Teacher was not trained in how to help her. So she traveled across town in New York City to spend time with a Gestalt Therapist. But in the therapy sessions her emotions were not as easily stirred up. That is what prompted her to begin combining that gentle touch with talk in an effort to integrate the two systems in her body. The result was more than the two separate entities, thus the term “synergy.”

    Rubenfeld Synergists are men and women who arrived at the same realization or “aha” moment in their careers and their lives. They saw Ilana Rubenfeld or another “Synergist” perform the “magic” that occurs during a session. They saw, with their own eyes, the transformation of the client’s experience when receiving this type of listening touch and intentional dialogue. That “aha” moment has brought bodyworkers (massage therapists, chiropractors, Reiki practitioners, nurses, and other practitioners who use touch in their work), psychotherapists (psychologist, social workers, marriage and family therapists, mental health counselors and even psychiatrists who have only used talk when working with clients), housewives, businessmen, attorneys, medical professionals, artists, musicians and others into the healing experience of becoming a certified Rubenfeld Synergist.

    Where can you find a qualified practitioner of this unusual and powerful work? Here are the locations of currently certified synergists and the locations just keep expanding and this work reaches out to hungry clients and curious therapists.

    Certified Synergists In the U.S.

    • Washington
    • Oregon
    • California
    • Arizona
    • Montana
    • Wyoming
    • Colorado
    • New Mexico
    • Minnesota
    • Tennessee
    • Indiana
    • Michigan
    • Ohio
    • Florida
    • Georgia
    • South Carolina
    • North Carolina
    • Virginia
    • West Virginia
    • Washington DC
    • Pennsylvania
    • New York
    • Maryland
    • Delaware
    • New Jersey
    • Connecticut
    • Massachusetts
    • Vermont

    Certified Synergists in Canada

    • British Columbia
    • Alberta
    • Ontario, CA

    Certified Synergists in Europe

    • Wales
    • England
    • Ireland
    • Scotland

    Trainees in Taiwan

    If you are seeking a way to heal your body and your emotional upsets without medication, RSM is a pathway to explore. If you want to help your clients heal from both physical and emotional pain, you can begin to learn this powerful method in just 7 months. Check out the Rubenfeld Synergy Web Site to find a practitioner in your location and check out the Rubenfeld Training Institute Web Site to learn about the upcoming trainings.

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    Source by Erica Goodstone, Ph.D.

    Views: 0

  • Weight Loss – How I Went From 340 to 199 Pounds, Part 1

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    I spent two years losing over 140 pounds the old fashioned way: proper diet and exercise. No fads. No pills. No surgery. No crazy machines. I was 30 years old and 340 pounds. With a history of heart disease and obesity in my family, I decided it was time to shed the pounds.

    Almost every day I get people I haven’t seen in years coming up to me saying “Wow! You look great!” and then the next question… “What have you been doing?” That’s why I wrote this article.

    Disclaimer

    Now, of course, as a general disclaimer, I have to say that the tips I’m sharing with you here are just from my own personal experience. I’m not a professional health expert – although over the past couple of years I’ve read dozens of books, and hundreds of articles on nutrition, exercise, and weight lifting. I’m not a doctor. You should, of course, seek your own doctor’s advice before starting any kind of a weight-loss or exercise plan. I firmly believe that with the right diet and proper exercise, almost anyone should be able to lose weight and get fit safely.

    Tip 1. It’s All About Calories

    First, the bad news. Weight gain and loss is directly tied to the amount of calories you eat versus the calories you expend through exercise. What’s a calorie?

    A calorie is a unit of heat energy. Specifically, it’s the amount of heat energy required to raise 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius. How this relates to your body is that when you eat food, the food molecules are broken down chemically and that energy is either used by your body to perform work (like building muscle, or constructing new cells) or is stored (as fat). If you take in more calories than you burn, you will start to get fat.

    Now, in the world of calories, it takes 3500 calories to equal one pound of body weight. So, if you take in an extra 3500 calories in your diet this week without exercising, congratulations… you’ve just gained one pound (probably all body fat). The good news is that you can lose one pound of fat by either removing 3500 calories from your diet, or adding 3500 calories of exercise to your weekly schedule, or a combination of the two.

    What’s 3500 calories? It’s actually not much if you’re eating the wrong kinds of food. You can consume 3500 calories in one meal if you eat two Double Whoppers (1010 calories each), a King Size order of french fries (590), a King Size onion rings (600), and a chocolate shake (440). Don’t laugh… this is what I used to eat for dinner if my family went to Burger King… or something similarly outrageous.

    So the bottom line here is that if you want to lose weight, you have to create a calorie deficit. That means you have to burn off more calories than you eat. You had to eat more calories than you burned to get fat… now you have to reduce the calories to get lean. It’s that simple. In order to know how many calories you’re taking in and burning off, you need to write them down.

    Tip 2. Eat Frequently Throughout the Day

    Think of your body as a furnace. You want your furnace to burn fuel as efficiently as possible. In order for that to happen, you need to let it burn hot and steady throughout the day.

    You need to stoke your fire often to keep it burning. Keep your metabolism running all day long by eating every 3 to 4 hours. My personal tip: I eat on hours evenly divisible by 3. That means breakfast at 9am (if I’m up that early), lunch at noon, a snack at 3pm, dinner at 6pm, a snack at 9pm, and if I’m still up another snack at midnight.

    Now, I personally work late (I usually get most of my “real work” done between the hours of 10pm and 2am) but if you need to eat at different hours, that’s fine… Just take the total number of calories you’re going to eat throughout the day and divvy them up into 3-hour intervals. Keep that fire stoked! If you can’t take a break at work to eat every 3 hours, bring a protein bar with you.

    If you skip breakfast, then you’re extremely hungry by the time lunch comes around. Skip lunch, and you’re more likely to gorge yourself at dinner. Why? Your body is saying, “Hey! I need food badly!” If you feed yourself often, throughout the day, your body doesn’t go into shock, and you won’t get those wild cravings and hunger pangs when it’s time to eat.

    Tip 3. Start a Food & Exercise Journal

    Don’t just dismiss this section. I did! The first couple of times I read about doing this in fitness and weight-loss books, I said to myself, “I don’t have the time to do this.” But you know what – it really works!

    I cannot stress how important it is to write everything down that you eat. All you need is a little notebook. Make four columns: what you ate, how much of it you ate, how many calories were in it, and what time of the day you ate it. It’s that simple. Also write down any exercise or other activities that are more strenuous than just sitting around.

    Taking the time to recognize what you’re eating is the first step to losing weight. A lot of people truly don’t realize how much crap they’re eating. When I first started doing this – and writing down everything I was eating – it really opened my eyes to the volumes of junk food I was eating before. I was a slave to cookies, chocolate, chicken wings, and pizza. When I first took the time to look up the fact that a chicken wing has 150 calories in it (yes, one wing), I was astounded. I used to eat 20 wings and 2 or 3 slices of pizza for dinner.

    Now you can get yourself one of those little calorie counter booklets from your favorite book store. Sometimes you’ll even see them in the grocery store. They’re invaluable. Once you get to know the foods you eat on a regular basis, keeping track of what you eat is really quite simple. You will gain a better appreciation for what you’re putting in your body.

    So please, please, please, take my advice and journal everything you eat. You do NOT have to do this for the rest of your life… just until you hit your goal weight. By that time, you’ll be able to keep a good mental track of what you’re eating, and you’ll be more aware of what you should eat, and how much exercise you should be getting every week.

    Also, you do not have to obsess over every little calorie! Counting your calories can be as detailed as you like. If you want to track every last celery stick, by all means do so. However, you can just round your calories off to the nearest 10, or 20. Don’t worry whether or not something contains 24 or 26 calories. In the end, it doesn’t make that much of a difference… but whether something has 100 or 200 calories does.

    The important thing… and I cannot stress this enough… is write everything down!

    Tip 4. Eat The Right Amount of Calories

    We’re not going to starve ourselves! In fact, proper weight loss is best accomplished by eating more frequently than you’re probably used to! Let me say that again: you’re going to eat more food than you are right now. You’re going to eat better food, more often, but at a lower calorie intake. If you’re like I used to be, you’re probably skipping breakfast. This means that when lunchtime comes around, you’re starving, so you probably overeat the wrong kinds of food (like pizza, wings, Chinese, etc.) for lunch – and I’ll bet it’s fast food or takeout. Then, you don’t eat anything again for six to eight hours, and pack in a monster dinner.

    Now here’s what happens: your body isn’t getting any food first thing in the morning, so your metabolism isn’t getting started. Your “calorie-burning fire” doesn’t get started in the morning, so you’re not really burning as many calories as you should be. Also, your body is saying, “uh, oh – I’m not getting any food. I better hold on to whatever body fat I can because we’re starving!” This is bad. If you don’t eat enough food, often enough, your body will basically go into starvation mode and hang on to whatever body fat it can.

    The key to unlocking your stored fat is to feed yourself enough good food so that your body doesn’t need to store any additional fat, while at the same time getting plenty of exercise and strength training to burn whatever fat you currently have and build muscle.

    There are a bunch of factors that go into calculating metabolic rates and all that jazz, but you can use this chart as a basic measurement of how many calories you should be eating as part of your weight-loss diet. Notice it’s based on your current weight and your gender. Women need fewer calories then do men. Also, if you’re a smaller person, you need less energy than a larger person. Use this chart to determine how many calories you should be eating on a daily basis.

    WOMEN

    Under 130: 1000 Calories

    130-150: 1200 Calories

    151-200: 1400 Calories

    201-250: 1600 Calories

    251-300: 1800 Calories

    301-350: 2000 Calories

    351-400: 2200 Calories

    MEN

    Under 130: 1200 Calories

    130-150: 1400 Calories

    151-200: 1600 Calories

    201-250: 1800 Calories

    251-300: 2000 Calories

    301-350: 2200 Calories

    351-400: 2400 Calories

    Now here’s something that’s vitally important… you want to make sure you get enough calories every day, otherwise your body will go into “starvation” mode. You want to make sure that you eat your meals at least four times a day to keep your metabolism running. If you don’t eat, your body will go into starvation mode. It will realize that it’s not getting enough food, and will hold on to body fat. It’s important to get enough calories spaced throughout the day to keep your fire stoked. Don’t think that by starving yourself you’re going to lose weight. It will be the wrong kind of weight. Remember, your body will eat it’s own muscle tissue first before burning fat if it doesn’t have enough protein.

    Tip 5. Send Yourself to Boot Camp

    Now, if you want to jump start your body on its way to fast weight loss, here’s what you’re going to do. Ignore the charts above, and drop yourself right down to a 1000-calorie-per-day diet immediately. In addition, make sure you get at least 15 minutes of walking (or some other easy, basic, extra exercise) in every day as well.

    You will do this for exactly two weeks… no more… no less. Then, you will go back to eating the normal amount of calories as indicated on the chart above.

    It’s not going to be easy. You won’t be able to eat any junk food for these first two weeks. You can, however, eat plenty of good foods – chicken, salads, whole grain breads, etc. It won’t be easy, but once you get through it, you’ll be able to add lots of calories back in to your diet, and feel more normal again… in fact, after eating only 1000 calories for two weeks, you’ll probably have a hard time bringing yourself back up to 2000 calories (or whatever you should be at).

    Here’s why this works: dropping your calorie intake down to 1000 calories will shock your body into new eating habits. You will cleanse your body of toxins (like those monster grease burgers you’ve been eating) and get some good, healthy food in you. You will notice weight loss after the first couple of days, but you’ll be keeping your energy up by eating good foods at regular intervals. You can stop any cravings you’re having with water, or add some extra veggies in there – you can eat just about as much green vegetables as you want.

    Tip 6. Don’t Think “Fat Free” Means “Calorie Free”

    Everywhere you look, it seems that “low fat” foods abound. While there are certain low-fat or no-fat foods that we are going to eat, you don’t want to restrict yourself to a totally no-fat diet. There are certain fats that are good fats, and other that are bad fats. We’re going to want to eat good fats because they are necessary for proper health. Bad fats, however, will make you fat.

    There are tons of fad “no-fat” diets out there that have promoted the whole “low-fat” mentality. What’s happened? People are still continuing to get fat eating “fat-free” foods. They eat fat-free cookies, fat-free chips, and fat-free dairy products, yet they keep getting fatter. Why? Many fat-free foods have nearly as many calories as their full-fat versions.

    Now, you start eating “fat free” potato chips thinking to yourself that you can splurge… hey, why not? They’re “fat free.” Well, you still load on the calories with fat-free potato chips. It’s the calories that make you fat. In fact, when food manufacturers remove fat from their products, often times they replace the fat with sugar to improve the taste. Guess what… by adding sugar, they’re bringing the calorie count almost back up to where the full-fat product was.

    We need fat. Fat forms lining of the cell membranes in almost every cell of our bodies. Your brain is composed primarily of fat. If you don’t eat enough of the right kinds of fat, your brain will not get the proper nutrition to function. Eating too little fat can also reduce your testosterone levels (equally important for women as for men).

    Tip 7. Know Your Fats

    Saturated Fats are bad for you. They are found mostly in beef, milk, cheese, deli meats, butter, and some tropical oils. Saturated fats increase your risk of coronary artery disease, diabetes, and obesity. Avoid or minimize saturated fat intake. Try to eat low-fat meats like chicken and turkey without the skin, and reduced-fat dairy products. If you’re eating red mean, get the lowest-fat, leanest meat you can.

    Trans Fats are saturated fats that are extremely bad for you. You should completely eliminate all foods with trans fats in them from your diet. These types of unnatural fats are created during food manufacturing processes such as the hydrogenation of vegetable oil. They are usually found in pastries, buns, chips, doughnuts, shortening, and other such foods. If the label says “trans fat” put that product back on the shelf. If the ingredients of any product say “partially hydrogenated” anywhere on it – put it back. One example: margarine! It’s evil. It’s loaded with trans-fatty acids. Avoid it at all costs. Also avoid vegetable shortening, commercial pasties, deep-fried food, and most prepared snacks, mixes, and convenience foods.

    Studies have shown that saturated and trans fats are actually addictive and make you want to eat more. They have also been linked to all kinds of health problems from cancer and heart disease to diabetes.

    Unsaturated Fats, on the other hand, are generally good for you. These types of fats are usually found in nuts, seeds, fish, and grains. Mono-unsaturated fats, such as the types found in olive and canola oil, will actually protect your cardiovascular system from disease. These are the types of fats we’re going to load into our diet.

    – Good fats: almonds, avocado, cashews, flax oil, olive oil, olives, peanut butter, peanuts, fresh fish (salmon, mackerel, tuna)

    – Bad fats: butter, coconut, corn oil, cream cheese, half-and-half, lard, mayonnaise, shortening, sour cream

    Keep in mind that you need fats in your diet, but even the good fats listed above have a good amount of calories in them – so take it easy! A tablespoon of olive oil, for example, as 100 calories. Almonds (which I love to snack on) have 6 calories a piece. Nuts are a great, healthy-fat snack – but just make sure to take a small handful not the whole bag!

    Tip 8. Add Omega 3 Fatty Acids to Your Diet

    Omega fats are unsaturated fats that are not only good for you, but they’re essential for your health. Your body cannot create these fats, so you must get them totally from your diet. Omega fats are helpful for many reasons, plus they are necessary for normal cell growth and development.

    First, Omega fats are an excellent appetite suppressant. Part of the reason why people binge on “fat-free” foods is because fat is what makes your stomach “feel full.” If you aren’t eating any fat in your meal, your stomach never tells your brain that you’re full. Add a little good fat to your meal, and you’ll feel full with less food.

    Eating Omega fats helps your body to unlock stored fat so that you can use it for energy. Omega fat balances your body’s ratio of insulin to glucagon. When you eat sugary foods, your body releases insulin to remove the excess sugar from your system. If you do this too often, the insulin will block the hormone glucagon – which is another hormone that functions to help your body burn fat. Too much sugar = too much insulin = not enough glucagon = little fat burning. Plus, you are at risk for diabetes. Omega fats help to balance this ratio.

    Omega fats help to boost your body’s metabolic rate. This also helps you to burn more calories. Omega fats are the building blocks of your cells. Your cell membranes consist of Omega fats. Since they cannot be created by the body, you must get them from your diet.

    A specific fat, Omega 3 Fatty Acid, is obtained from flax seeds or flax seed oil. This will be the primary fat that we’ll add to our meals. You can use it on salads and in breads, add it to soups and yogurt. Don’t cook with it, however, as the heat will change it’s chemical properties. You will also find good doses of Omega 3 in most seafood, green leavy vegetables, fatty fish (salmon, tuna, trout, mackerel), walnuts, olive, and canola oil.

    Have fish for dinner at least twice a week – and I don’t mean your beer-battered, fried haddock that the local pub serves on Fridays. Pick a fish like salmon, tuna, or mackerel. Bake or grill them – don’t fry them. They have very high concentrations of Omega 3 fatty acids in them. Add flax oil to your salads instead of fatty dressings. Snack on walnuts or almonds instead of cookies and chocolate. You will feel full sooner, and you’ll be adding essential fatty acids to your diet to help burn calories!

    Tip 9. Get Plenty of Protein

    Proteins are the building blocks for your body. You need to eat lots of protein for your body to build, repair, and maintain your muscle and other lean tissues. If you don’t eat enough protein, your body will break down muscle tissue, which is bad, to maintain itself. As a result, your metabolism will slow, and you won’t burn body fat. Unlike fat or glucose, there’s nowhere in our bodies to store protein (aside from building muscle tissue) so you have to get a lot from your diet.

    How much protein should you eat? Most people should eat about 0.4 to 0.8 grams of protein per pound of body weight. Therefore, if you weigh 200 pounds, you should be eating between 80 and 160 grams of protein per day. This isn’t hard to do. Eat two eggs for breakfast, and an 8-ounce serving of chicken for dinner, and you’re at 60 grams of protein right there.

    What kinds of protein should you eat? I like fish, chicken (white meat), turkey (white meat), soy products, beans, legumes, and eggs (whites only – yokes have a lot of fat). Soy products are a great source of protein… once you get used to the taste. I have totally switched from regular milk to soy milk. It has all the calcium, much less of the saturated fat, and none of the cholesterol of normal milk (even skim milk!)

    Eat fish twice a week, chicken twice a week, turkey once a week, a vegetarian meal once a week, and then on that seventh day, go ahead and splurge with the pork or beef… just take it easy. Just make sure you choose lean sirloin cuts. Trim off any fat. Beef has a lot of saturated fat in it (it’s marbled throughout the meat so you can’t just cut it off). Beef is the worst meat for you – as compared to the other popular meats.

    – Good protein: beans (any kind), eggs (preferably whites – yolks have a lot of fat), chicken (white meat, no skin), turkey (white meat, no skin), salmon (preferably not farmed), tuna (packed in water, not oil), mahi mahi, any shellfish, any soy products.

    – Bad protein: bacon, ham, hot dogs, beef, pork, lamb, veal.

    In part 2 of this article, you’ll read about nine more tips to lose weight.

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    Source by Richard Rost

    Views: 0

  • Treating Facial Tics and Tourette’s Syndrome With Alternative Medicine

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    Tics may be due to nutritional deficiencies, genetic conditions, Tourette syndrome, immune system malfunction, allergies, or stress. Stress and anxiety can increase the frequency of facial tics. Emotional trauma can cause tics which can disappear when the emotional disorder is treated. Tics due to emotional trauma or stress can improve or disappear with hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), energetic therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) yoga, Tai Chi, music therapy, homeopathy, Interactive Metronome, cognitive behavioral therapy, HEMI Sync, acupuncture, massage, and scalp acupuncture. Secondary mood disorders can worsen the severity of tics.

    Treating and healing facial tics or Tourette’s syndrome with ordinary amino acids is the basis for Orthomolecular Medicine. Large doses of naturally found proteins called amino acids can repair the imbalance in the brain and repair its malfunction. These amino acids are affordable and are used in therapeutic doses much larger than those levels normally found in food. The concept of orthomolecular medicine is based upon the use of very large doses of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, or botanical extracts for the cellular repair and enhancement of normal brain activities and motor activities.

    Lithium mineral salt may help this patient if there is Tourette’s syndrome, but it would not help for most other types of facial tics. Botanicals that may treat tics and reduce tics and spasms include kava, skullcap, valerian, St John’s Wort, peppermint, black cohosh, dragon bone, prunella, rose hips, Go Teng, Tian Men Dong, Bai Shao, Yin Chen Hao. Orthomolecular medicine uses includes magnesium, zinc, calcium, B Vitamins, and chromium along with the botanicals to support recovery.

    Orthomolecular medicine uses large therapeutic doses of carnitine, tryptophan, taurine, GABA, and 5-HTP. Theanine, GABA, and 5-HTP can work well for tics caused by stress. These amino acids must be used long- term for Tourette’s syndrome and you may want to consider IV therapy in the worst cases for at least nine months.

    This patient may have severe allergies and benefit from the elimination of genetically modified foods. The diet should be altered to exclude unsaturated fats, caffeine, nicotine, artificial sweeteners, food additives, food dyes, alcohol, and high fat meats. Try to eat free range chicken, organic meat, organic or locally produced eggs, and limit red meat to twice per week. You should always eat breakfast relatively high in protein. This may include whey protein, almond milk, or soy protein. Walnuts, yogurt, almonds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and pecans are great snack foods ideas. Remember that corn is frequently a genetically modified food. Popcorn can be a good snack food if you are certain that it is not genetically modified. Organic or locally grown vegetables and fruits are the best health options. Avoid foods that are often contaminated with pesticides or heavy metals. Plant fruit trees in your yard for more fresh fruit.

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    Source by R Stone

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Doesn’t Love Me As Much As I Love Him – Tips and Advice That Might Help

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    I often hear from wives who have some issues with whether their husbands are “in love” with them or not. And, if the husbands are, the wives often measure this love by degrees, as compared to how much the wife loves him. I often him comments like “my husband doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I make all of the concessions and advances in the relationship. He never makes any effort or shows me any attention or affection. It’s as if he merely tolerates me. He doesn’t ask me about my day or make any effort to engage with me. It’s like I’m someone who just merely coexists. On a scale of one to ten, I love him on a level that’s an eleven. And he loves me on a level that’s about a one.”

    I understand that this is a lonely and frustrating place to be. I experienced this in my own marriage and the way I handled this almost ended that same marriage. Through experience and research, it’s become pretty clear to me that there’s a right way and wrong way to handle this situation. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Score keeping Is Not The Best Idea For A Marriage. The Question Isn’t Which Spouse Loves The Other The Most: The Question Is Do Both Spouse’s Feel Loved?: I understand how depressing it feels when you suspect that you’re the only one who’s really “in love” or trying to keep the marriage afloat. But sometimes, wives focus so much on measuring how much their husband loves them against some imaginary yard stick that has few (if any) implications on real life. This doesn’t really do anything to change or improve their situation.

    I often tell wives to give up comparisons and worry instead about whether they’re feeling loved, wanted and valued. Obviously, the answer is most likely to be negative, but at least you’ve shifted your focus from score keeping to something on which you can take concrete action.

    It can also be very important to understand that men aren’t as demonstrative as women. So, expecting your husband to be a spouse that compares to you in terms of demonstrating their feelings may not be totally realistic. Very few husbands express their love and affection in the way that wives typically do. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love you enough. It just means that you’ll need to teach him how to express himself and you’ll need to encourage the behaviors that make you feel noticed, understood, and loved.

    Some wives tell me that they resent having to do all the work and having to train their husband to do something that he should just automatically do. These points are certainly valid. But, in my experience, it’s better to give a little in exchange for getting what you truly want than to remain angry, frustrated and indignant while you’re not getting your needs met. It’s important to address and fix this before you yourself begin to withdraw. Because when you have to spouses who are on the edge of indifference, this can leave the marriage in real trouble.

    When You’re Worried That Your Husband’s Lack Of Affection For You Means He’s Not Invested In The Marriage Or May Eventually Want Out: I often find that the wives who tell me that their husband’s don’t love them enough fall into two camps. The first is a situation where the marriage is probably really OK, but the husband has either gotten into the habit of not showing his affection or needs to relearn that lesson. This scenario is easier to fix.

    The second scenario is that the husband’s lack of affection is due to issues within the marriage or with his no longer being invested in it. This is the scenario which you often can not afford to ignore. Because often, his withdrawing from you is a symptom of a much bigger problem. So, attempting to teach a husband to show you the feelings that just aren’t there isn’t likely to work.

    Instead, you’ll need to examine why the feelings have left, fix and address the issue, and then reevaluate. This is likely easier said than done. Because in the same way that husband’s aren’t demonstrative, they also often don’t have a firm grip on their feelings and perceptions. They may well know that something is wrong and act upon it. But, unlike us, they don’t lay awake at night exploring and turning over the issue. They’re more reactive. When something is wrong, they withdraw and reshuffle their efforts instead of thinking about their feelings.

    They may not even be aware that they are doing this or even understand why they are doing it. And that can be one reason that they insist that nothing is wrong or that you’re imagining things. Since they haven’t pondered what the issue is (or even that it exists) you look like a real nag or complainer when you address the symptom of it. That’s why you’re often much better off just working and acting on your own (especially at first.)

    One of the biggest mistakes that I see many wives make is that they harp on a sensitive subject with an already distant and detached husband. So, they’re already on shaky ground and it’s clear he’s resistant, but they think that if they can just get him to “work” on solving the problem, things will get better. The problem with this is that he’s already begun to withdraw. He likely doesn’t want to “work” on the marriage, at least right now. You’ll have to return him to a point of being invested before you can gain any real ground.

    Most wives understand this deep down, but they hesitate or rush because they don’t know how to get their husbands to be receptive to them again. The key is often to take inventory of the marriage and see where the husband might not be getting what he wants and then to provide that without needing to have any large or painful discussions about the same.

    And, that’s a common place where wives get stuck. I often hear comments like “But how am I supposed to do this? I’m already the one whose providing all of the attention and affection and that’s not working either.” Often the question really isn’t the demonstrative affection (at least on the husband’s end.) The real issue is often the real connection, and the feeling of being truly heard, valued and understood. It’s also important that both parties know that no one is going through the motions, score keeping, nagging, or trying to manipulate the other.

    I often tell wives to focus on what they can do very genuinely and convincingly. Husbands know when you’re just putting on a show or trying to overcompensate for what is really the underlying problem. They don’t want more of the same. They don’t want to be manipulated. They often want real change and improvements instead of worrying about how things look on the outside.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Exposed – How to Cure Hemorrhoids Naturally

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    Hemorrhoids are a misery both men and women must fact from time to time. No one enjoys having this problem, and curing hemorrhoids can be a very difficult thing. It is a common ailment, one experienced by half the people who have turned fifty. Still, it isn’t easy to find a simple remedy or to forget how much better life seemed before it happened.

    One common cure for hemorrhoids is aloe vera. People who apply to this inflamed area swear by it. This is a natural remedy anyone can use with little difficulty. Pain may disappear in a matter of days. Users suggest you apply it twice a day. Be sure to cleanse your hands before and after you apply it.

    Another natural cure is apple cider vinegar. Simply lay on an application and itching will vanish in no time at all. Bleeding will also slow down, too. Some people prefer to drink the vinegar. They claim this will cure the bleeding and protruding hemorrhoids. You may have to drink the apple cider vinegar three times each day. Some people apply the apple cider vinegar to cotton balls, then apply these to their hemorrhoids. There are a few people who complain it burns at first, but this problem disappears after awhile.

    Another cure is witch hazel wipes. A lot of people apply them after each bowel movement. In addition, there are people who will tell you vitamin B6 is a great aid. They take doses of 200 milligrams. Others take rutin or bioflavonoids.

    One more secret is avocado seed. You simply pour the avocado seed into filtered water. Strain this and add some honey. Drink it throughout the day. Soon your hemorrhoids will disappear.

    The old fashioned way of treating hemorrhoids includes sitting in a warm bath for about ten minutes each day. Fill your tub with hot water and add lavender or juniper. The entire body will get relaxed and painful symptoms will be relieved. Or you can try ice packs to alleviate the swelling. Others suggest you apply petroleum jelly and cortisone creams. Also, it’s suggested you should wear cotton underwear and loose clothing. Finally, you can clean the anus after your bowel movements with a moist towelette or a moistened pad. Don’t forget about acetaminophen and aspirin.

    Eat fiber. Fiber helps to get the bowels to move. You should try to eat 25 to 30 grams of fiber each day. Some sources of fiber are breakfast cereals that have 10 grams of fiber per serving. Also, you want to eat fresh fruit, beans, prunes, and vegetables. Asparagus, cabbage, carrots, corn, and broccoli make excellent choices. You can’t forget to drink a lot of water to make this fiber work well. Eating fiber won’t make a change for two or three days.

    Some people recommend kegel exercises for relief. All you have to do is try to stop your flow when you urinate. You squeeze your tummy muscles and make your pelvic muscles do all the work. You may also have to squeeze your leg muscles as well. The kegel exercises will help get your hemorrhoids to move inside.

    All of this takes a lot of patience. You can probably find the best method for you if you are willing to give things a try. Be patient. It isn’t easy. But who knows how soon you’ll feel relief and be on the road to freedom? Then your life will be back to normal and you’ll be happier than you’ve been in a long time.

    If you’re looking for a fast and effective way to cure hemorrhoids naturally, you might want to check out H Miracle. H Miracle is a natural hemorrhoid cure that has been used successfully by thousands of ex hemorrhoid sufferers worldwide. It is 100% natural and provides fast pain relief in addition to permanent healing of the problem. To find out more information about H Miracle and other hemorrhoid cures, use the links listed below.

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    Source by Emma V Lee

    Views: 1

  • The Philosophy of the Mind, Mindset and Mentality

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    It is important for people, who are serious about reflecting on the issue of the mind and its associated issues of the body. It is defined that the basis of Philosophy of the Mind is the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of the mind (mental events, mental functions, mental properties and consciousness) and its relationship to the physical body. It intersects to some extent with the fields of neurobiology, computer science and psychology. It is also interesting, at this juncture, to evaluate an aspect of theory of mind. It is stated that 'Theory of the Mind', is the social cognitive ability to explain and predict other people's actions in terms of the fundamental mental states, such as beliefs, intentions, or feelings.

    Baron-Cohen is a Professor of Developmental Psychopathology who proposed the empathizing / systematizing theory of psychological sex differences. He emphasizes that females are more disposed to an empathizing style and males are more disposed to a systematizing style. Consciously and sub-consciously both genders progressively streamline their efforts to draw meaningful results to find out which effect is more pronounced in the daily lives of human beings. Therefore, it is logical to study the relationship of the mind and mind-set with a variance of mentality. Thus, the mentality, eventually, becomes a pivotal point either good or bad subjectively.

    All creatures are created on "The Fitrat"; It is an Arabic word and it means original creation without an analogy. It has an ingrained quality that likes truth and good. It rejects all malign and untruth until such that the arrogance and ignorance overpower the mind. The deviation has its impact, yet the 'The Fitrat' constantly reminds the human beings its repercussions. However, the human mind which is polluted with arrogance and impertinence finally leads towards disaster.

    Analyzing the above scenario, which leads to environmental forces playing a dominant role affecting human behavior. Since God has also bestowed human beings' wisdom and knowledge, hence, human has a choice to select and rejects what his mind dictates. Subsequently, it develops a mentality which suits his desires finally shaping the personality of men and women accordingly.

    A question arises about how a mind affects the personality; If so, then in what way? Again, how it shapes the mentality? Human behavior indicates that the structure of brain correlates with their activities. The brain is directly proportional to personality and it is substantiated by Collin De Young and his team at University of Minnesota. They further stated, "Experiences change the brain as it develops, and those changes in the brain can change personality."

    Dr. Daniel Siegel coined the term "mindset" to describe the human capacity to perceive the mind of the self and others. A mindset is a relationship between the mind and brain and these factors collectively evolve the mentality. It differs with every individual subject to their upbringing with respective dwellings within the parameters of cultural, social and family values.

    It is important to understand why some individuals from poor dwellings, who, after, marriage is living in economically affluent environments remain introvert and perverted. Their past still haunts their behavior which is subconsciously governed by their poor mentality. Thus, their martial, live in affluent families failed to make a dent on a positive note. Hence, the relationship within their post marital environment conspicuously shows unhappy and bickering. In many cases, it drastically affects children and relationships among respective families.

    It is said that being a poor person is not bad, but having a poor mentality is a disaster. This typical camouflage scenario will expose the truth lying beneath the façade of superficial mask. Here, those people who are responsible to adjust and maintained the situations in a harmony often failed miserably because of dubious thinking and arrogance. It is appropriate to, quote, "The mind is a beautiful servant; a dangerous master." (The source of this quote is unknown)

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    Source by Ehtesham Mirza

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  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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  • How to Deal With the Dilemmas of Gay Dating

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    Unhappy relationships, fights and breakups can mess up your mind and discourage you from dating again. But, one bad relationship doesn’t mean that you are not going to date anyone ever again. Look around, there are men out there who are just like you, and they’ve had breakups and broken hearts too. The moment you find the one who is truly in love with you, it will make you forget all those failed attempts.

    And when you do find a perfect match, many of you might have dilemmas that can break your burgeoning relationship. For this reason, you need to know what those gay dating dilemmas can be and what you can do to avoid them.

    ‘Let go’ of the past

    Every gay man has stories about ‘coming out’, childhood, parents, fear and broken hearts. But don’t let things that happened in the past affect your present or future. It was a thing of the past, so use it as knowledge & wisdom. Give a fresh and healthy start to your new relationship.

    Expensive dates when you are in different income brackets

    The difference in income can become a major cause of breakups. You have a higher income and want to plan expensive dates, and you’re ready to make all the payments. But this can sometimes offend the other person and you don’t even realize. So, you need to keep the other person’s feelings in mind and plan accordingly.

    Be a fearless gay dating guy

    First of all, you need to be yourself, one who is not afraid of dating. Even if you try to show that you are a fearless gay dating guy, if he feels that you are afraid, it means you probably really are. So, get things clear in your mind before you start dating as breaking someone’s heart isn’t good for either of you.

    Express your feelings

    Don’t hide your feelings from the person you love. Express your feelings but if you think you still need to wait for the right time, then do! Sometimes though, there is no right time to express your love, every moment is right, so just open up and don’t leave it too late. Today, a number of online sites offer gay dating tips, so take their help.

    Stop comparing

    You are special, unique, and nobody can compete with you. Stop comparing yourself with your boyfriend’s ex or anyone else as it will lead you nowhere and will just ruin your relationship.

    Communication is key

    Yes, when dating someone, you need to have adequate communication with each other. Whether you prefer to communicate via text, or calls, or in person, make sure that you have healthy conversations with each other. Also, if your mate prefers to talk over a call while you want to communicate via texts, there’s no harm picking up his call, rather than creating unwanted turmoil in a relationship.

    Be honest & open up in a genuine way

    Don’t just presume you’ll be able to be intimate with a new person on your very first date. Take your time, understand each other and then discuss if you can move further in your relationship. Only if the other person is comfortable, go ahead and make love.

    Today’s technologically advanced world helps you find a perfect match sitting at home. A number of online gay dating sites will help you search for a compatible match the easy way. Moreover, these sites sometimes also provide gay dating tips so that you can have a healthy and happy relationship.

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    Source by Sarah Scott

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  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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