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  • My Husband Keeps Saying That He’s Going to Leave Me – Tips and Advice That May Help

    My Husband Keeps Saying That He’s Going to Leave Me – Tips and Advice That May Help

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    I recently heard from a wife who confided that every time that she and her husband disagreed or hit a rough patch in their marriage, the husband pulled out what the wife called the “leave card.” She told me: “every time things get rough, my husband says he’s going to leave. He’s packed his bags before, but he’s never actually left. Still, this hurts me and I’m getting tired of it. How can I make him see how old these threats are getting? At the same time, I’m afraid that someday soon, he’s actually going to follow through and walk out the door. I’m not sure what to do or how to handle this.”

    This type of correspondence is not all that uncommon. I hear many comments like this. And I can absolutely identify with these wives. This is a very difficult position to be in. It’s hard to move forward and to improve matters with the constant threat of him leaving hanging over your head. You can start to feel like you’re walking on eggshells or have to edit yourself or hold back in some way. So it’s very advisable to consider being proactive and addressing this before things deteriorate any more. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Asking Him To Stop Constantly Making The Threats To Leave You And The Marriage: Admittedly, I don’t personally know this couple. But, from the little bit that the wife told me, two immediate facts jumped out and seemed most important. First, despite the husband’s repeated threats, he had not left. He was still there, repeating the same old things. This tells us that he’s either not 100% committed to leaving or he’s not yet reached the breaking point or place where it’s feasible or comfortable to move on.

    The second thing that was important was that the husband kept repeating the threats. Now, the wife was very frustrated with this, but one possibility was that the husband was repeating or accelerating his words because nothing was changing or improving and this was the only way that he knew to attempt to get the response that he wanted. Sometimes, people keep repeating the same patterns out of frustration. And, sometimes, they do this because they know no other way.

    But whatever the reason for this negative cycle, I felt that the wife might gain some ground if she approached this subject with both directness and empathy. It was going to be very hard for the two of them to get on the same page when he kept on retreating. So, the next time that he started with the “I’m just going to leave you,” talk, I felt that the wife should have asked him to sit down and talk about this for a minute.

    With a break in the action, the wife might consider telling the husband that they both knew that this was a path that they had been down many times before. And yet, nothing was really changing except that they were both getting frustrated with the same old course of events that never yielded the outcome that either of them really wanted. I suggested that the wife offer to make the husband a deal. She would genuinely listen to why he felt the way that he did and make a very honest effort to address and improve things if he would stop with threats to leave her every time things got tough.

    Understanding The Opportunity That Has Presented Itself And Taking Positive Action To Stop This Cycle: I understood why the wife doubted that she was in so great of a position, but I had to admit to her that there were some advantages that she did have. On an almost daily basis, I hear from wives who were either served divorce papers or who came home to an empty house missing a husband (because he left) with seemingly no warning whatsoever. These women would’ve loved to have had a warning period and a chance to fix things before this action was taken.

    So, while the wife was tired of all this, she had to admit that she still had a chance to make things better and to save the marriage. This was an advantage as was the fact that, despite all of his empty words and posturing, the husband was still there. Clearly, he wasn’t sure that he really wanted to leave, but he was sure that he wanted change that he wasn’t getting, which is why this cycle kept repeating itself.

    Once the wife was able to see this, she was willing to approach things differently. But, before she charged forward wanting to make drastic changes, I told her that it might be a good idea to focus on reconnecting. There was a lot of underlying resentment and anger and I felt that the changes and efforts might not last if they attempted to work things out while both people were still a little lukewarm to one another.

    Do you remember when you were first together and your issues were always little spats that passed over quickly? This is because you were deeply connected and didn’t want to allow for anything to derail that process. Sure, things change and people mature. But often, you’ll find that if you can get to a place where you feel genuine affection and empathy for your spouse, working out the remaining issues becomes so much easier and you’re much less likely to continue to hear the threats that neither one of you are listening to anymore anyway.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • How Art Can Heal You

    How Art Can Heal You

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    A person when they are drawn to an artwork is experiencing either an awakening to the feelings of what they see or they are analysing for details in making sense of things. To express oneself to the creativity of being authentic and original is to experience true happiness as it has for most artists and the everyday people. Today stress has become an expected living condition for most people and many are unaware that they are slowly deteriorating in boiling water like a frog who is unconscious of its environment. The human mind is like an operating system and we store many of our memories and experiences in our subconscious mind therefore never realising that we are repeating a pattern or never understanding why we react a certain way when in fact we wish we dealt with matters differently.

    Since starting on my artistic journey in my living room a few years back I have come to realise that art is more than just a hobby, it can actually be a new way of life and that we are allowed to express our innermost frustration and fears that hang on our shoulders like a shadow of uncertainty. A simple thing like colouring in books and prints are now becoming a new found stress relief and according to researchers who have recognized the healing traits of art for years, say that today art is used to help people in order to express themselves when they’re sentiment and it is too difficult for them to put their emotions into words, most likely when they’re faced with a cancer diagnosis. Now when seeing colours in flowers and plants for inspiration it gives me a feeling of gratitude to what nature is quietly offering us, more than an aid for oxygen supply but a mark for attention in times of stress. The whole idea of meditation is to bring the mind to a focus point where the nerves are trained to not react to the internal dialogues and external forces thus strengthening the frontal cortex from reacting to stimuli and instead take a better course of action. Painting and colouring do for this very reason give you the same result. Observe the traits and characteristics of most painters and artists, you will see that in a general we are calm and are less prone to neurotic outburst of emotions. Some of us do practise a healthier lifestyle and it is a privilege for me as an artist to inform you that we are all not on drugs and substances and that the use of art can in a way be beneficial for anyone who require to relax and unwind.

    A habit once formed is not easy to break however with the right intention to change and move forward you will find that replacing an addiction or substance with a more therapeutic action such as colouring in or painting, it can give you the same feeling of satisfaction. As difficult and impossible this may sound, at first, you will never know until you try it. The secret to becoming a healthier and successful artist is to find what inspires you to create when observing nature and beautiful surroundings but if you have never touched a paint brush then start with the basics of colouring in or make a collage from gluing seashells on a canvas. Either way, art is subjective and my theory is if it makes you feel happy and gives you a sense of achievement from creating something out of nothing then you truly are an artist.

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    Source by Julie Rekha

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  • Book Advocates Natural Healing for Man's Best Friend

    Book Advocates Natural Healing for Man's Best Friend

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    Healing Your Dog Naturally is a revolutionary new book by Nicole Gabriel that will make you rethink how you care for your dog. It will teach you how to be proactive about your canine's healthcare and by extension rethink your own eating and medicinal habits. Consequently, you can kill two birds with one stone, or in this case, heal your dog and yourself, or better yet, prevent the need to heal from arising.

    While Gabriel's background is not in veterinary medicine, she has plenty of experiencing caring for sick dogs and loving them. This is a woman who deeply bonds with her pets and wants the very best for them. After she lost one of her Shar Pei dogs to an illness she believes was caused by a required vaccination in order for her to move to Hawaii, she decided to begin researching vaccinations and everything else about caring for one's dog. Now she has compiled all that research along with her personal experiences and successes into this new book, which may long be overdue considering the health and natural foods revolution going on for humans. I have to agree with Gabriel on this point: If we are all becoming more health and nutrition conscious about our own bodies, shouldn't we extend that same care and concern to our pets?
    Gabriel walks the reader through a plethora of topics and information on everything from diet and nutrition to allergies, vaccinations, using essential oils, spaying and neutering, homeopathy, and even how to align your dog's chakras.

    But before I go further, this book isn't just a book about how to heal your dog and make him healthier. It's also a book that encourages you to change your own lifestyle so that both you and your dog benefit.

    For example, Gabriel is not a fan of commercial dog food. She provides a brief history of dog food and how it was affected by World War II, why it is taurine-deficient, and why that matters. She makes a great point in saying that if we would not eat the dog food ourselves, why would we feed it to our dogs? Ultimately, she advocates that you cook dinner for your dog just like you would for your spouse, children, or yourself. She even offers several recipes to provide your dog with a nutritious diet. Okay, I know many people might think this is radical-cooking dinner for your dog-but if you want your pet to be healthy, it is a decision worth considering. You can even do it while making dinner for yourself. As Gabriel states, "When you wake up to nutrition, you begin to question everything. This is not a journey that is just for your dogs. Have you gotten that yet? We are all doing this together. This is a pack effort. you choose for you, you choose for your dog and vice versa. "

    The rest of the book may be viewed as equally radical or perhaps just applying common sense. Gabriel comes down hard on vaccinations, not because they are not well-intended but because she has seen her own pet die as the result of one. She walks readers through what may be harmful about certain vaccines and how to reverse possible issues is you've already had your dog vaccinated and it is causing health issues. She also offers advice on spaying and neutering-another "don't do it" chapter you'll have to read for yourself.

    But not everything in these pages is focused on overturning common canine care practices. If anything, this book is written with a lot of love. There are adorable cartoons of dogs throughout reminding us of how much we love our best friends. Gabriel goes into detail about all the wonderful experiences she's had with her pets and why they matter so much to her. She is not afraid of discussing the most sensitive issues, including how to deal with loss of your pet and your grief. She provides simple and natural remedies for everything from dealing with cut footpads to ingenious ways to offer nutritious treats to your pets, and even ways to test your dog for various allergies and make changes to his diet accordingly.

    Most importantly, Gabriel challenges us to see our pets with new eyes and to think more deeply about what we do in our care for them. I can't say whether she is right on every subject, but I do know her heart is in the right place and she provides a great deal of food for thought. I imagine people who read this book will have already gone or be going through a traumatic or heart-wrenching experience with a pet, so they will be looking for answers beyond what their local veterinarian may be able to provide. If so, this book is an excellent place to start. I truly believe Healing Your Dog Naturally will open many eyes, and hopefully, it will lead to a revolution in canine healthcare.

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    Source by Tyler Tichelaar

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  • Ready for a High Impact Mindset Reset?

    Ready for a High Impact Mindset Reset?

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    Your mindset, your thoughts, can buoy you up, inspiring you to take courageous action, or they can drag you down, keeping you up at night with worry and paralyzing you with fear. Even though our brains are wired to dwell on the negative, on past mistakes, how we think in this moment is something we can control.

    Changing our minds in the present moment can be hard work! I know from experience that when things aren’t going well, one of the toughest things to do is to turn your mind from impending doom to what is possible and what can be done.

    The good news is that the more you practice these mindset boosters, the easier they become. They do, in fact, become habits that kick in when you need them the most.

    The even better news is that the more you practice them, the more impact both you and your company will have. Staying on track and not allowing yourself to be pulled down will save you a lot of time and energy. The time and energy you free up can be spent on your company’s financial performance and having impact.

    S0 let’s look at ways you can do a mindset reset and the practices that will support you in doing so:

    The Future Doesn’t Just Happen – You Shape It Every Day

    Have you ever seen or read about people in the direst of circumstances who are transcendent, happy? And others who seem to have everything, and yet feel deprived? The way you choose to think about a situation, the parts of yourself that you call on, even dig deep for, are what determine your present and your future. Your thinking is integral to your character.

    When things look negative, question it. There’s always a way to think about a situation that includes a gift, an opportunity. This may seem contrived at first, but think about situations where you’ve suddenly had a shift in perspective and a solution appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. That’s the effect you want to be able to call on.

    “Circumstance does not make the person,

    it reveals the person to himself or herself.”

    ~James Allen

    People become leaders of successful, impactful companies by becoming the people who can lead those companies first. They walk with integrity. They make smart decisions. They step up and into opportunity with courage. They acknowledge their fears, but don’t indulge them. They learn and grow.

    You are becoming the leader of your high impact company right now, in how you show up every day. Treating people with respect. Listening to ideas. Choosing how you use your time and energy. Making decisions with your mind AND your heart.

    You can shape your future by consciously developing the mindset of the leader who leads your company in these ways.

    Doubling down on mission is one way to ensure that your company moves more in the direction of your impact. New Belgium Brewing became a benefit corporation in 2018, ingraining its commitment to internal and community impact in its legal framework, and is now the fourth-largest craft brewery in the US.

    Fear and Getting Through the Storm

    We all have fears. Fears about how the company will do financially this year, about that crucial new hire who looks promising but is unproven, or about how your new offering will fare in a busy market. Fears can abound, especially if nurtured and given attention.

    “The future you constantly worry about

    Is nothing other than a projection of fear and desire from the past.”

    ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Fears can instead be a tool, an indicator. They can lead you to research, to ask good questions, and to explore options. As long as you don’t allow fears to take over the present, they can actually be valuable.

    One way to be vigilant about fears is with mindfulness. Mindfulness, that focus on the present, is more than a business fad. It’s a practice that decreases stress and increases productivity.

    The leaders of outdoor apparel maker Patagonia are committed to using their successful company as a vehicle to put mindfulness into action. Patagonia founder Yves Chouinard describes navigating what could be a terrifying Class 4 rapid as a teaching:

    • look ahead and prepare

      • be proactive
      • don’t ignore what is coming
      • think through scenarios
      • do what is necessary to get ready to the best of your ability
      • trust that you can handle whatever happens


    • go into a drop

      • take calculated risks
      • once you decide, follow through wholeheartedly


    • read the river

      • be vigilant
      • be perceptive
      • adjust as needed.

    That intuitive process has helped guide his business for the last 50 years. Chouinard believes that if the process isn’t sound, if your intentions don’t come from the right place, the outcome, even if profitable, doesn’t matter.

    Practicing wisdom by making decisions from a place of love rather than fear can open the door to creative solutions. When Patagonia’s CEO Casey Sheahan was faced with laying off 150 employees during the financial crisis, shortly after he took over from Chouinard, he was torn up about the decision. His wife asked him, “Are you making this decision from a place of fear, or from a place of love?” When he realized that it was fear driving the layoff decision, he found another way, leading to unheard-of sales levels after a few rocky quarters.

    Fear can be a driver of decisions and actions, but they don’t have to be. Elizabeth Gilbert in her book, Big Magic, tells the story of treating her fears like an inevitable passenger on a road trip. Fears can and will be there, but they can Never. Ever. Drive.

    Focus on Your Impact

    Do you find your Impact Purpose, a clear statement of the impact you want to have, inspiring? Does it fill you with energy? If it doesn’t, at least most of the time, you might be on the wrong track. Your clarity about the impact you want to have, whether it’s social or environmental or both, can serve as the rock on which you build your impactful business.

    When you steadily focus on your Impact Purpose, you’ll find your thoughts turning from short-term pain to what you could achieve in your business and community. This thinking about others, and not just yourself, is a way to bring you out of the doldrums or away from unhelpful divergent thinking, and back into focus on your impact.

    Reinforce this by having your Impact Purpose statement in front of you, every day. Have it on your desk or screen. In your wallet. On your fridge. Wherever you will be regularly reminded of what you intend, personally and with your company.

    Plan your day and week with your Impact Purpose in mind. Include it in your decisions about how time, money, and resources will be spent, and with whom. Thoughts aligned with purpose are a powerful creative force. Fill your attention with something worthwhile.

    The greatest achievement was at one time a dream. Stay with your dream. It’ll be part of your becoming.

    You Are the Company You Keep

    You may have heard the notion that you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. That speaks to the influence that those around you have on your thinking and therefore on your actions.

    Some companies who are committed to having impact take this to a highly conscious level. Design firm LimeRed, led by Emily Lonigro Boylan, only works with individuals or organizations that have social impact. LimeRed only engages with clients whose values they share, who are kind and innovative, and who are also accountable to their stakeholders and communities.

    You as a business leader can also take this to another level by incorporating it into decisions about who you include on your team, your suppliers, and your partners. Do you vet who you work with every day through this lens? Do you extend this to your advisors, your pet projects, and your friends?

    You’re more likely to have impact when you devote all your energy and resources toward people and companies that also want to have impact in harmony with yours.

    Your mindset matters to your own fulfillment and well-being. It matters to your company, as you engage with your community and the larger world. Optimize your opportunity to have impact by doing this mindset reset.

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    Source by Ursula Jorch

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  • My Husband Says He’s Going To Leave Me, And Yet He’s Still In Our Home – Why?

    My Husband Says He’s Going To Leave Me, And Yet He’s Still In Our Home – Why?

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    Often, when a husband announces that he is going to leave, a wife expects him to promptly pack his bags and begin the separation. It’s not that this is what the wife wants to happen. But when someone makes an announcement that is this serious, well, the assumption is that no one would want to drag their feet on this, as once the decision has been made, it’s probably easier to just go ahead and move out.

    However, this isn’t what always happens. Some husbands make this announcement and then they don’t really move out right away. Some are still telling their wives that they are leaving even as they continue to park themselves on the couch and make use of the refrigerator. A wife might say: “I truly don’t get it. Three weeks ago, my husband came home and announced that he is going to leave me. He said that our marriage hasn’t been good for a while now and that he thinks that we should take a break and live apart to see what happens. This isn’t what I want. In my heart, I feel like if he leaves, he might never come back and we might end up divorced. He actually told me that he wanted to leave on a Friday night. I expected him to move out that weekend. Why wait? If you’re going to take the initiative to tell your wife that you are going to leave her, I would think that you would want to leave as soon as possible. That isn’t the case, though. It’s three weeks later and he’s still in our house. He’s still complaining. He’s still saying he’s going to leave and yet he is still here. I’m afraid to ask him why he’s still here because I am afraid that he would take that to mean that I wanted him out. My mom says that he is essentially free loading or that he’s too lazy to find a new place, but that doesn’t make sense, as my husband earns more than I do. Why do men say that they want to leave their wives and then stay at home?”

    I can only speculate, because there are a variety of reasons. I will list some of them below so that you can see if any of them might ring true.

    He May Not Want To Actually Leave And Was Just Trying To Get A Reaction: Sometimes, a husband truly is frustrated with the marriage or the situation, but he doesn’t know how to create change. He may have tried to make a change without success or he’s afraid that you will be resistant or defensive. So he puts the “leaving” out there in the hopes that you will try to stop him or that you will then be open to negotiating change.

    He May Be Trying To Move Out At The Right Time Or In The Right Way: Some husbands do take their time in actually moving out. Many aren’t all that excited about moving from their familiar and comfortable home into a smaller apartment. Others will try to leave their wife in a good place before they physically move out. What I mean by that is that some will complete repairs and necessary maintenance before they leave so that their wife doesn’t have to worry about this.

    He May Be Having Second Thoughts: This is the final suggestion that I will make. We all say things or make decisions out of frustration, only to have second thoughts later. Actually moving out of your home and pursuing a marital separation is a huge step. And it would be completely normal for him to reconsider and then to hesitate to admit this. It’s possible that he’s hoping that this will just blow over or that you will ask him not to leave.

    Deciding Where To Go From Here: Since you can’t know which of the above is true (unless he tells you,) then you have to ask yourself what really matters the most. If you want to save your marriage, then I think you have focus on the fact that at least he’s still there – whatever the reason. It’s so much easier to save your marriage when your husband is physically present. When he moves out, it can be difficult to reconnect and to not have repeated misunderstandings since communication is limited and not always face-to-face. Yes, I know that it is frustrating that he’s sending mixed signals and that this is confusing. But I think that it is better to focus on the fact that he is there rather than questioning him and then potentially forcing him out. If you can use this time to improve things so that he doesn’t follow through and leave, then that’s probably the best option.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0