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My Wife Thinks I’m Immature! What Steps Can Help Change This

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Your wife tells you that you’re immature. Perhaps you agree with her, or maybe you think she’s way off base. Regardless of your stance on the issue, she’s clear on hers. It’s hurtful knowing that the woman you’ve chosen to spend your life with sees you as nothing more than a child in a man’s clothing. Her comments sting, her attitude overshadows all the great things you do and you’re getting tired of trying to please her when you truly believe you’re fine exactly as you are, right?

There’s a very specific dynamic that dominates a marriage when the wife views her husband as immature. She’ll tend to take the reins on everything from major decision making to raising the children. Over time, a man in a relationship like this will start to feel as though his opinion and contributions aren’t welcomed or embraced. Once a marriage hits this bump in the road, it can be difficult to get it back on a loving and mutually respectful path.

Talk to Your Wife About Your Concerns

Before you can work on changing how your wife views you, you must get to the root of why she holds the opinion of you that she does. In some marriages, it’s obvious in that the husband refuses to take on the necessary responsibility that a married partner must carry. This may manifest itself in a man who hasn’t chosen a career path yet even though he’s been out of college for a decade, or it can be a man who insists on splurging on things that the couple can’t afford.

If you’re unsure why your wife continually views you as immature, ask her. You must be prepared to hear some difficult things about yourself. In fact, when you ask your wife about how she sees your behavior, this may actually open the floodgates and she’ll pour out every criticism she has of you.

View this as a step in a positive direction. Try not to become defensive. Instead, absorb it as a tool for change and a means towards a closer, more enriching marriage.

Do Things Within Your Marriage That Command Respect

If someone views you as immature it may be a sign that they simply have little or no respect for you. In the case of a married couple, this can stem from any number of circumstances but it’s generally something that can be rectified.

Commanding respect may feel like an ominous task, particularly in the case of a man who wants his wife to show him more respect. But it’s often your own view of yourself that others will follow. For instance, if you don’t take care of yourself physically or emotionally, your wife may start to believe that you don’t value yourself. In turn, she’ll begin to devalue you as well which can result in her seeing you as someone who isn’t on the same level as she is.

Working on improving yourself is a simple way to garner more respect from your wife. Take stock of where your life is compared to where you want it to be at this point. Perhaps you believed that you’d be running your own company by the age of thirty, or maybe you envisioned yourself a successful investor by the time you entered your forties. Whatever your life goals have been now is the time to redefine them and start making them a reality.

When a person invests more energy, care and time in themselves, others follow that lead. That’s why you must start putting more effort into becoming the man you know you’re capable of. You can show your wife, through dedicated actions, that you aren’t the immature boy that she believes she marries. Instead, begin showing her that you are indeed a focused and mature man who now sees the potential within himself.

Don’t Try and Hurt Your Wife in Retaliation for Her Criticism

When a person we love hurts us verbally there’s a very strong temptation to throw something just as hurtful back in their direction. You may have already done this with your wife when she referred to you as immature. If you have, ensure that it’s the last time it happens.

If you fall to the same level of your wife and throw hurtful words in her direction, you are showing her that you are the definition of immature. You are, in fact, proving her own point for her. Children like to engage in hurtful banter that often results in one person being so stung that the relationship will never be the same. It’s much worse when it’s married adults who are engaging in this type of destruction behavior.

The next time your wife tells you that she thinks you are immature, you need to respond in a very specific way. Look her straight in the eye and calmly say, “you are entitled to your opinion, but I disagree.” Then end the conversation by leaving the room or saying goodbye if it’s via telephone. Don’t engage her a moment longer because if you do you will be tempted to say things that will escalate the situation until you both are hurt.

If you repeatedly handle the situation with this type of dignity and grace your wife will soon realize that her words are hollow. You’ll be showing her that you are indeed mature, calm and reasonable.

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Source by Gillian Reynolds

Views: 0

July 22, 2022
Marital Affairs And Your Karma
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Two people can be mutually attracted to one another, only if there was some relationship between them in some previous life. When you meet a person, to whom you were related in a previous life, the stored memories or the Runanubhandhana stir up your emotions and you may start “feeling” for the person. Every longstanding relationship leads to certain deep impressions. Any act when done repeatedly can become a habit. Every habit leaves an impression. These impressions are the Samskaras, which drive us to act again. But if we have no more debt (runa) with the other person, it just remains a fleeting thought, an impulse only.

Sometimes even though the karmic debt is discharged, the old Samskaras (impressions of past acts) can generate an irresistible inner urge to enter into a relationship. We eventually end up creating a fresh account, a further karmic debt that is not advisable. But if there is undischarged karmic debt, it results in a relationship naturally. When the karmic accounts are settled, once there is no more debt, the relationship ends. But if the Runanubhandhana is very strong, it results in a long-standing relationship like marriage.

This is the cause of every relationship, how it is born and how it ends. But nothing is permanent. No karmic debt can be everlasting. Eventually it has to end when the debt is discharged, when the account is balanced. In this impermanent world change is the law of life. Countless wombs have we passed through. Innumerable mothers, fathers, spouses and children have we been with. It is hard to interact with another being who has not been a parent, brother, sister, spouse, child, friend or associate in some other life. But when a karmic debt is over, the attachment might still be there. We still cling on. When rna (debt) is over, the relationship has to end, but anubandhana (bondage or attachment) might still make us cling to the person. Like the fan that turns for a while even after the power supply has been switched off, the attachment doesn’t die for some time. Once the runa is over, nothing can sustain the relationship. Hence any further remnants of attachment (anubandhana) are bound to produce only suffering and misery.

In some cases, one of the two people involved grows out of the relationship once the runa (debt) is discharged. But the other refuses to move on, due to the attachment (anubandhana). The second person suffers tremendously because any further attachment leads to misery and suffering only. Sometimes there is bitterness also after separation. This bitterness can sow the seeds for future karma! When the karmic debts are over, when a couple has to part ways, as far as possible, it should be done with the least negative feelings. They should part in an amicable way to avoid further seeds of new karma, which is easier said than done.

The karma that brings two people together into marriage can also be of many types.
1. Bitter enemies can be born as husband and wife, and always fight, criticize, deceive one another and make each other’s lives miserable.
2. Two people who have created negative karma between them come back as man and wife, and lead a life of suffering together, fighting with one another.
3. Two people who have created both positive and negative karma between them come back as man and wife, and have a mixed life causing both happiness and unhappiness to one another.
4. Two people who have created positive karma between them in previous lives come back as man and wife and lead a relatively happy life.
5. One who has taken a lot in some life has to give in the present life. In such a case, one of them will always be giving (money, love, care, etc.) and the other receiving.
6. Two souls who are evolving spiritually come as husband and wife, help each other in their evolution and benefit one another. This is the purpose of marriage.
7. A couple who has been husband and wife may come back as husband and wife again, if their Runanubhandhana is very strong. If the Runanubhandhana is very strong and their destinies (lives) are so strongly interlinked, usually both die almost at the same time. If one dies first, generally the other also dies within a few hours or days or weeks. The souls are so strongly identified with one another that towards the end of a successful married life, they behave as if they are one.
8. Sometimes (rarely) a very highly evolved being or soul, or spirit or even an avatar is born as two people to accomplish a mission. After the accomplishment of the mission, they merge back into one. Though very rare, such a divine couple can take birth at times. Such a high soul may be born as two separate individuals as husband and wife, brothers, guru and disciple, etc.
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Source by Diwakar Vashist

Views: 0
July 21, 2022
Why You Must Not Marry

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People have gotten into marriage for the wrong reasons and mind set, they cloud their mind with superficial reasons leaving the important issues why they should not marry in the first place untouched. Below are ten reasons why you must not marry. please read along and be blessed.

1. You must not marry out of lust. People have married out of lust but later found out that all that glitters is not gold. The beauty or ugliness of people is not to be measured from without but from what issues from the inside of them. The content of an individual is to be weighed above his or her container.

2. You must not marry out of sympathy or pity. Feeling guilty or sympathy for any reason about someone’s misfortunes and deciding to marry them as a consolation is a wrong decision. For every Jack there is a Jill. God is able to give them a help that meet their situation. He gives a guide to the blind, a nurse to the feeble and a comforter to the heart broken.

3. Do not be manipulated through match making. Nobody knows you like your God and his timing and choice is best for you. He knows your temperaments, strength and weakness. God know the help whom He had created to meet your specification. Indeed nobody knows the product like the manufacturer. God must be involved in the choice we make.

4. You must not be pressurized to marry. Pressure comes from peers and family. Non in this group can absolutely quantify the pain and heart breaks their loved ones experience in marriage, they can only imagine. Imaginations are not good enough to right wrongs in a bad relationship. When the problems become overwhelming they will abandon you.

5. Do not be prophesied into marriage. Any prophecy is subject to your confirmation. You are not responsible for what God had not told you. God is not a respecter of any man. He is able to tell you what He told someone about you. Learn to hear God yourself.

6. You must not rush into marriage. Give it some time. Time reveals secrets, time is a healer of wounds, and time will reassure you of your decision.

7. You are not convinced. Marriage is a journey of a life time. You need to be convinced beyond all doubts that you are ready to go the mile. To save your self the heartache, you must take into cognizance that a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Take time to do your checks and be convinced.

8. He or she doesn’t respect you. By respect I also mean not valuing your self worth. A relationship like that has a tendency of abuse and violation of your rights, privileges and that of your relatives. You have no business with someone whom you cannot respect or does not respect you.

9. He or she does not share your religious beliefs. Your religious believe is the center and the pivot that your entire life revolves around. Agreeing to marry some persons with a divergent view is seeking calmness in a chaotic atmosphere. Two people cannot walk together except they agree on core issues like their faith and believes.

10. Identity issues. We are identified by our looks, vocation, character and associations. You must be able to have the foresight of looking into the future to see if you will want to be identified with this person in years to come. Marriage gives you identity because the two of you becomes one.

I am sure these will serve as a check list for someone out there that is getting into a relationship or is planning to take his or her relationship to the next level (marriage). Do the check list and let God give you the peace.

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Source by Dan Williams

Views: 0

July 21, 2022
9 Questions To Ask Before Marriage To Reduce The Risk Of Divorce

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Love with your heart, but think with your mind and keep your eyes open love was never meant to be blind and foolish. Let's get into the most important 9 questions you need to ask before you walk down the aisle.

1. What does marriage mean to you and your fiancé? This question helps you understand the basic concept you and your fiancé have of marriage. Being a wife or husband is like being partners of a start-up company. If both partners have very different views of what this means the marriage will never be managed effectively.

2. What does the marriage look like to you and your fiancé? You are deep in love and have a picture in mind of what the marriage will look like 5, 10 and 25 plus years down the road. Your fiancé also has expectation of what the marriage will look like and how it will function. These expectations may be quite different so get them clear early on.

3. Why did you fall in love? This needs to be clear as well especially when the storms and challenges come. You need to always have this beautiful story to reflect on and help refocus your feelings.

4. What is your purpose in the marriage? Getting married is more about what you bring to the relationship than what you can get from it. There is a very specific set of reasons that make you the best person for your spouse. You need to know how being you and fulfilling your potential will add tremendous value to your spouse.

5. What is the purpose of your spouse as a partner? No matter how well together you believe you are, your spouse also has value to add that will make you a better person.

6. Who are you as a unique person? People get lost in relationships because they lose sight of who they are. You need to take time to figure out who you are before trying to become one with someone else.

7. Who is your fiancé as a different unique person? Apart from appreciating who you are as a unique person you need to appreciate the uniqueness of your fiancé as well.

8. What problems have you already noticed? Love is not blind; love sees the best and minimises the worst. Love lets you know that the issues did not stop you from falling in love. You still need to acknowledge the issues and bring them to the light.

9. What are the expectations you have for your life? Frustration comes when expectations are not met. In marriage you are likely to blame your spouse when these are not met. Your life expectations need to be measured against what you and your fiancé agree on for the marriage.

Taking time to answer these 9 simple questions can save you from the pitfalls that have wrecked many couples. Reduce the risk of divorce by spending more time on questions like these and less on questions about the color of bridesmaid dresses, menus and flowers.

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Source by Kerwyn Joseph

Views: 0

July 21, 2022
It Appears That My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me After His Affair

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I sometimes hear from wives who are devastated not only by their husband’s cheating or affair, but also by the loss of intimacy and physical contact. For whatever reason, sex has been taken off the table. So at a time when a wife is already hurt and confused, she’s now struggling with the fact that she can’t have the reassurance of being intimate. This leaves her wondering whether her husband is still attracted to her sexually and whether or not her marriage will be able to recover.

She might say, “my husband had an affair about two months ago. At first, I would not even speak to him. Eventually, I allowed him to come and see the kids, and little by little, we began talking again. I can tell that he feels very guilty and embarrassed. He goes out of his way to be accommodating and kind to me. He has told me that although he’d like to stay married and that he would never cheat on me again, he can’t ask me to stay with him because he doesn’t know if he could stay with me if I cheated. He is basically saying that he wouldn’t blame me if I refused to take him back. I’ve told him that I’m going to take my time in making a decision. But up until this week, I truly was considering it. However, last weekend, the kids and I watched a movie with my husband and they fell asleep. My husband and I ended up talking and laughing. One thing lead to another and before long we were kissing. When things were about to get intimate, my husband pulled away and said ‘I just can’t have sex with you right now.’ I was stunned, so I asked, ‘you can’t or you won’t?’ He got up and said ‘I just can’t. I’m sorry.’ I have no idea what to make of this. I have tried to ask him about this, but he always changes the subject. Is he not attracted to me? Can he not physically complete the task because of the affair? I want to save my marriage, but I also want to have a healthy sex life again one day. Why would a man not be able to have sex with his wife after the affair?”

I can’t speak for your husband, but I’d suspect that it wasn’t that he couldn’t have sex with you. I suspect that he could have completed the task if he had felt right about it. However, many men have quite a bit of guilt and shame after the affair. So they know that having sex again might create a good deal of awkwardness and negative feelings. On the one hand, they may very much want to have sex with you. But they are ashamed of this desire since they feel that they don’t have any right to ask this of you. Plus, they know that when you disrobe and begin to have sex, you might both be caught up in thoughts of him having sex with someone else, since that wound is so fresh. The thought of this might terrify him. And he might figure that it’s better to just wait to have sex than to try it now and have it be a disaster. Also, he may not want for it to look like he’s only interested in sex with you when he doesn’t really deserve it.

I know that this is painful and may feel like a rejection, but let’s look at the facts. Your husband and yourself were having a nice, light-hearted time laughing together. He was clearly into it when he was kissing you. And then something changed. Since he’s told you that he’d like to save your marriage, I highly doubt that he’s not attracted to you. In fact, I’m sure it was tempting to have sex. However, he was probably trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing or awkward encounter. And perhaps he didn’t want for you to feel taken advantage of in the morning or he did not want for you to feel guilty.

Many couples delay sex after an affair for a couple of different reasons. They want to make sure that it is the right time. They do not want to rush into it and potentially make bigger problems than they already had. Many know that if the sex was awkward and just not good then they would take that to mean that their marriage was doomed. So they wait until they are sure that it will be right, because they know that they are going to analyze it.

Your husband could have the same thought process. He may want to wait until you’re both sure that it’s the right time. He may not want to look like the creep who is pressuring his wife to have sex after his affair. And he probably knows that you might both have thoughts of the affair during sex. All these reasons are why it can truly make sense to wait.

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Source by Katie Lersch

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
I Miss My Separated Husband And Fear That He’s Never Coming Back

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There are certain times in your life where it’s very easy to dread the worst case scenario. Even if you are a natural optimist, when you are faced with the reality that you dread and fear the most, you tend to allow your mind to go to unfortunate places and you almost expect the worst to happen to you.

This is very common. Unfortunately though, your sense of dread can cause you to make desperate moves that you would not normally make, so that your worst case scenario actually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s extremely normal to expect the worst during a separation. For example, a wife might say: “my husband and I have been separated for almost six months. If you would have told me at the beginning of the separation that things would be this bad, I would not have believed you. But they are pretty darn bad. When my husband left home and declared us separated, he made it sound like it would hopefully only be a temporary thing. I don’t know if this was really his intention or if he just did this for my benefit. But the separation has been anything but temporary. My husband never calls. I ask mutual friends if he asks about me and they have to admit that he does not. He acts like I am an annoyance to him. When we first separated, I figured that he would be back in less than three months time. I never in my wildest dreams thought that this much time would go by. And I have to be honest. I now think that he is never coming back. And I miss him so much. I am generally an upbeat person, but this has brought me down so badly. It is all I can think about. In the beginning of our separation, I tried to reach out to my husband all of the time, but he was not receptive to me. I still try, but not as often because the rejection is very hard to take. Some of my friends and family tell me that I need to just accept that he is never coming back and I guess that they are right. But this is a very sad reality for me to face and I’m finding it affecting me much more than I thought it would. How do you face the reality that the separated husband you miss so much is probably never coming back?”

I am probably not the best person to ask as, despite all evidence to the contrary, I never really accepted that my husband wasn’t coming back. But things did get so bad that at one point, it became clear that I needed to live my life. I never gave up on my husband or my marriage. And I figured that if we were going to divorce, then he would need to be the one to pursue it. I left that alone and I tried to live my life as best as I could. I forced myself to stay busy so that I would stop continuously bothering my husband and being rebuffed. I traveled a lot so that the distance made it almost impossible for me to continue on with this cycle.

Ironically, once I forced this shift on myself, my husband became receptive again. But I like to think that I would have carried on regardless. It is true that you can not control what your husband is ultimately going to do. But you do have control over what YOU are going to do. Focusing on the negative while standing still in your own life, (while absolutely understandable,) is not the best course of action. It took me far too long to learn this.

You deserve better than just treading water. As hard as it is to see at the time, your marriage is just one aspect of your life. You have many others. Sure, no one willingly wants to put their marriage on hold. But when you have no choice in this, it is best not to put yourself dead last on your priority list. Because in that sense, you are suffering twice. You are suffering because of what is happening with your marriage. But you are also suffering as an individual because you are basically standing still – just waiting for something that is not completely within your control.

Sure, you can certainly paint yourself in the best light, work on yourself, address your marital issues, and take advantage of any interaction with your spouse. (These things all help tremendously and may make it so that he might eventually come back.) But you can’t control what he thinks or does. So the best course of action is to do what you can and then to focus on moving yourself forward. Doing this doesn’t mean that you have to accept that your husband is never coming back – I certainly didn’t. But it does mean that you’ve made a conscious decision to not solely focus on the negative and to prioritize yourself enough to continue to live your life — rather than putting it off and seeing it through the negative lens that the separation has brought about.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
My Wife Accuses Me of Cheating and I’m Not! How to Calm Her Suspicions

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You feel as though your wife is paranoid, don’t you? It’s hard not to given the fact that she’s constantly accusing you of cheating on her. You have virtually no idea why she’s so suspicious and even though you try hard to calm her fears because they’re baseless, she still goes on and on about how she’s certain you’re not being true to her. It’s incredibly frustrating to be in your position because you are forced to prove your innocence on a daily basis. Why is it that some women become so convinced that their husband is cheating, even when he’s not? Is there a way you can stop her from worrying so you two can just focus on how fulfilling and devoted your marriage really is?

Before I delve further into how you can calm her suspicions, I’d like to address a possibility that you may never have entertained. Human psychology can be a very puzzling thing and there are often hidden clues in a person’s actions that we don’t ever recognize. Such is the case with a wife who accuses her husband of cheating even though he is completely and utterly devoted to her. Sometimes, when a person is being unfaithful, they will take to accusing their spouse of similar behavior. There are actually a couple of reasons why this happens.

First, and foremost, if a wife is indeed being unfaithful she is conscious of having to cover up her infidelity. To that extent she’s going to be more aware when something seems not quite right with her husband. For instance, if you hide your cell phone away in your pocket when you’re home, she may notice that your behavior mirrors her own so she’s going to jump to the conclusion that you are also cheating. The other reason a wife will sometimes accuse her husband of adultery, when in fact she’s guilty of it, is just that. Her guilt is so much that she needs to find a way to displace it so she directs it towards her husband so as to take the bulk of the burden off herself.

Please note that this is not always the case when a wife has become very accusatory. In most cases, it has nothing to do with the wife’s own devotion to the marriage, and it’s more much a self esteem related issue.

Your wife may be overly suspicious of your connections with other women because she isn’t happy with who she is. This can occur after a woman has been married for a time and her husband just doesn’t put in the same effort to make her happy as he once did. It also tends to be a problem for women who aren’t happy with themselves in a physical sense. If your wife looks in the mirror and doesn’t find her own body appealing, she’s going to assume you feel much the same way about it.

Calming these fears can be done but it does take time and patience. You must devote yourself to helping your wife embrace who she is, exactly as she is now. That means making more complimentary comments about how much you love and desire her. It means encouraging her to chase her own dreams and to do the things she finds fulfilling. You have to support your wife in every way imaginable. By doing this you’ll be showing her that you believe in her which in turn, will help her believe in herself more.

It’s essential that you tell your wife how much you adore her on a regular basis. We all sometimes neglect our spouse, not out of intention, but merely out of circumstance. If your life has become very busy and you don’t spend as much time with your wife as you once did, change that now. Create more opportunities for the two of you to be together. Talk with her more, and more importantly, listen to her more. If she feels you are focused solely on her, she’s going to let go of any suspicions she may have had about you being involved with another woman.

It’s also good to allow your wife unlimited access to your life and everything that entails. Leave your cell phone in full view, even when you’re out of the room. Don’t rush to answer calls in private. Also, invite her to visit you at your office whenever she wishes. If you show her you have nothing to hide, she’ll come to believe it.

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Source by Gillian Reynolds

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
How Can a Relationship Coach Help Me?
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A number of benefits are available from participating in guidance from a Relationship Coach. Professionals such as these can provide support, problem-solving skills, and enhanced coping strategies for issues such as depression, anxiety, relationship troubles, unresolved childhood issues, grief, stress management, body image issues and creative blocks. Many people also find that coaches can be a tremendous asset to managing personal growth, interpersonal relationships, family concerns, marriage issues, and the hassles of daily life. Coaches can provide a fresh perspective on a difficult problem or point you in the direction of a solution. The benefits you obtain from personal guidance depend on how well you use the process and put into practice what you learn.

SOME OF THE BENEFITS AVAILABLE FROM RELATIONSHIP COACHING
- Attaining a better understanding of yourself, your goals and values
- Developing skills for improving your relationships
- Finding resolution to the issues or concerns that led you to seek therapy
- Learning new ways to cope with stress and anxiety
- Managing anger, grief, depression, and other emotional pressures
- Improving communications and listening skills
- Changing old behavior patterns and developing new ones
- Discovering new ways to solve problems in your family or marriage
- Improving your self-esteem and boosting self-confidence
DO I REALLY NEED COACHING? I CAN USUALLY HANDLE MY PROBLEMS.

Everyone goes through challenging situations in life, and while you may have successfully navigated through other difficulties you’ve faced, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out extra support when you need it. In fact, coaching is for people who have enough self-awareness to realize they need a helping hand, and that is something to be admired. You are taking responsibility by accepting where you’re at in life and making a commitment to change the situation by seeking coaching. Coaching provides long-lasting benefits and support, giving you the tools you need to avoid triggers, re-direct damaging patterns, and overcome whatever challenges you face.

WHY DO PEOPLE SEEK OUT COACHING AND HOW DO I KNOW IF IT IS RIGHT FOR ME?

People have many different motivations for coming to others for coaching. Some may be going through a major life transition (unemployment, divorce, new job, etc.), or are not handling stressful circumstances well. Some people need assistance managing a range of other issues such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, addictions, relationship problems, spiritual conflicts and creative blocks. Coaching can help provide some much needed encouragement and help with skills to get them through these periods. Others may be at a point where they are ready to learn more about themselves or want to be more effective with their goals in life. In short, people seeking coaching are ready to meet the challenges in their lives and ready to make changes in their lives.

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Source by Roxanna Teeling

Views: 0
July 20, 2022
Causes of Premarital Sex

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There is no behavior without reason. We need to examine reasons why Christian youths do fall into the sins of fornication.

Please note that sexual relationship is divided into three, namely:

(a) Premarital sex (fornication)

(b) Pure (Holy or Legal) sex

(c) Extra – marital Sex (Adultery)

Premarital sex is what most youths engage in before marriage while extra-marital sex is what some married people indulges in, when they are not faithful to their partner. Pure, holy or legal sex is the only legitimate sex, it occurs between married couples. It is Holy and wonderful, God loves it and it brings purity. What we will be talking about here is premarital sex which the Bible calls fornication. It is not fun, it is not love-making but fornication. It is sin, I would have agreed if it is called lust making.

CAUSES

(1) Pressure: Pressure from parents, friends, peer group, lecturer, boss, future partners. Some men do mount pressure physically on their partners while some ladies mount pressure on their partners by dressing carelessly exposing their nakedness to seduce men. Some male bosses in places of work do mount pressure on their female workers, they want girls that can work for them and still satisfy them sexually.

(2) Curiosity: Many youths have engaged themselves in premarital sex as a result of curiosity. They thought they were searching for reality, but they ended up destroying themselves. They are not satisfied with what their parents, pastors and christian friends told them concerning sex, they want to experience it themselves.

(3) Electronic media: Television, film, radio and video has contributed to the high rate of premarital sex. What youths watch on screen determine their behaviour and character. Every product advertised on T.V. is just promoting sex. In fact, to advertise food items they use sex, film, television and radio promotes premarital sex. Most home videos are sex promoters.

(4) Books and Magazines: Some satanic authors are in town destroying the youths, they write some sexual stories, books and magazines, they bring out many pictures that stimulate the youth to think about sex always. Having read all these books, youths do become restless until they have put into practice what they learned in the books and magazines.

(5) Environmental influence: We live in a corrupt society where people do not see anything bad in ungodliness they do not see premarital sex as sin; they see it as a normal thing. Hence, girls are encouraged to dress exposing their bodies. Premarital sex has become the norm of the society. Some Christian youths find it difficult to cope in this kind of environment; hence, they fall into this ungodly act.

(6) Covetousness: Greed for money, wealth and position is another cause of premarital sex. Some ladies want money at all costs hence they are ready to use their bodies to get it by sleeping around with men.

(7) Indiscipline: Lack of discipline has led many singles into the dungeon of premarital sex.

(8) Wrong association: This has led many youth into destruction. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.

(9) Ignorance: Lack of good sex education has led many youth into premarital sex, some went into it not knowing what they were doing.

(10) Wrong information: Since parents have refused to educate their children on the subject and the church is not forth coming with anything meaningful, the youth have resorted to any information they can get from anywhere either wrong or right.

(11) Bad parenting: Children that are not well brought up are likely to fall into wrong hands.

(12) Idleness: An idle hand is the devil’s workshop. If you are idle, you may cuddle the devil.

(13) Loneliness: Some claim they went into fornication due to loneliness.

(14) Broken homes: Children from broken homes can fall into wrong hands due to the situation of their homes.

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Source by Bisi Adewale

Views: 0

July 19, 2022
Is He Marriage Material? Four Steps for Creating Your Custom Plan & Deciding If He's Worth Your Time

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It's important that you know yourself, your goals, your needs and wants really well before you can find a great relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

And the best way to determine if your current or future boyfriend is marriage material is to know yourself, create a checklist of what's right for you, and then test him to see if he fits.

In this article, we'll break down what things you need to know about both yourself and him in order to even consider that next step!

Step One: Know There Is a "Mr. Perfect for You" and That You Can Design Him

Are you still waiting for HIM? You know who I mean:

"Mr. Right". The perfect man that will satisfy all your dreams and make your life worth living?

Yeah, that guy. Well, sorry to break it to you like this but …

Prince Charming, riding on a white stallion, lost his way because men hate asking for directions.

Or he found Princess Charming and got married to her on his way to your castle … or, you know, your apartment.

And by the way, even Prince Charming wasn't flawless. I'm pretty sure he left dirty dishes in the sink and never made up the bed.

Anyway, the point is that PERFECT isn't showing up anytime soon.

Truth is … nobody is perfect. No man and no woman. Perfection doesn't exist in people. But don't feel bad if you have been looking for the perfect man.

I did that for a long time, deathly afraid that if I didn't get him exactly right, I'd failed myself, my future kids, the planet, my Mama, and possibly God.

I was wrong. Don't even look for perfect, because the concept of "perfect for YOU" exists instead. You can plan the guy that may not perfect in the world, but is perfect for and fits YOU well.

The perfect-for-you man of your dreams is not hiding under your bed, though. That would be too easy. Can't have that.

Nope, you are going to have to actively design and then look for him. But don't worry, the search can be fun if you want it to be, and the hardest part is done. You now know you won't find perfect, so the pressure is off!

By the way, are you feeling the whole "not pretty enough" thing sometimes too? Wondering "why am I still single" even?

I did too. However, I learned that although I may not completely fit my society's "standard of beauty", I did meet quite a few men's individual standard of beauty … or was at least close enough!

And that's all you really need. So don't worry. "Mr. Close-Enough-To-Perfect-For-You" might be just around the corner … if you'll give him a chance!

You can plan him. Don't do this by default.

I've noticed that we sometimes find ourselves dating or even married by what I call "by default". That means we find a man, decide that he is the best we can do, and latch on without really analyzing him to determine if he's really right for us or our lives.

Don't fall victim to default. This isn't the time for "get in where you fit in". You CAN plan him. When you do your research and work your strategy, you won't have to put up with the losers!

You'll have a way to know whether he's marriage material … or not!

Now that you know that there is no "Mr. Right" or perfect man, the pressure is off, and you can now have fun looking for what I call your "ideal male". You're also aware that dating by default isn't the best way to avoid the pain of being with a dud. And you understand you can take the bull by the horns and decide what you want your ideal guy to look like.

Now it's time to dive into YOU, determine your dating deal breakers, and decide what kind of guy fits you best.

Step Two: Get to Know YOU: Your Goals and Dreams, Needs and Wants, and Deal Breakers

Did you see the first The Matrix ™ movie? Remember that scene where Neo goes to see the Oracle?

He is trying to figure out if he's "the one" – a Messiah of sorts and the man Morpheus is searching for– and thinks the Oracle can help him decide what to do.

Typical of a good mentor, the Oracle makes Neo find his own way. Before putting him out to find his own answers, she points out the plaque above her door that reads nosce te ipsum.

Know thyself.

You should know yourself really well before committing to someone else.

Have you ever taken time to really think about what YOU want for your life? I don't mean what you THINK you want – which is usually what others want for you – or what society wants for you – don't get me started on that, but what YOU really, truly, want for yourself?

Why? Well, understanding yourself is the most important thing you can do before getting deeply involved with another person.

I'm not saying you'll do everything perfectly even if you see yourself clearly. Problems can still happen, and you will make mistakes.

But if you pick a mate based on what you learn about yourself, you will have a much better shot at finding compatibility than if you have no idea who you are and just go into this blindly, hoping it will turn out okay.

If you don't know yourself or your needs well, and hook up with someone before finding YOU first, you may end up realizing that the person you are with does not fit you or your life at all, or at least not enough for things to last very long. Relationship compatibility is CRUCIAL.

Being badly matched could be disastrous, especially if you cement yourself to him by having a child or getting married.

Know Your Goals and Dreams … and Stick With Them

When I think about it, I'm so glad to have been born when I was. We've got so many options now that women in my mother's age range and older just didn't have. We now have the tools and the right to decide what we want in terms of a career, marriage, and family just as much as men do.

However, despite having goals and dreams, we sometimes get so caught up in a relationship that our own lives take a backseat. We end up giving up our dreams for relationships and marriage, children and family.

Now, if you have a family with a man that's right for you then maybe these sacrifices are worth it.

However, they are never worth it with the wrong man, so always keep your goals in the front of your mind and don't let the wrong guy take them from you.

So what are your goals and dreams?

Think about the things you want to do with your life. Your goals can be in any category, including career, travel, health, spirituality … anything at all. It's up to you. But to get you started, I suggest you look at these areas.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you have a specific career in mind? Is there any special education you want to achieve? Anywhere in particular you want to work? Maybe even start your own business?

What about fun? Have you always wanted to travel? Where to? How long? Don't be modest; anything is possible!

Do you have any specific body or health goals? Want to lose a bit of weight? Gain weight? Gain muscle? Run a marathon?

Do you feel a lack in your spiritual life? Want to attend church more? Study other religions? Memorize a holy book or two? Become a Buddhist? None of the above? Don't forget this is about YOU.

Do you want kids? No kids, but more dogs? A cat or two? A llama? Plan your own family goals!

The point is that these are to be YOUR ambitions and no one else's. Let your imagination have some fun.

Now that you've considered your goals, let's look at what you want and need in a relationship.

Decide on Your Needs / Wants

I hear some of you asking: "wants or needs … what's the difference?"

Well, when I say needs, it's exactly that. Those are characteristics you can't really live without. Wants are nice, but not crucial. You can go on without them if necessary.

I have several friends who are single and looking for a good man. A couple of these ladies wanted to buck the trend of just dating whoever came along.

Instead they really studied themselves and then decided what type of man they want. They began to examine what type of guy complemented them and quickly discovered what they would and would not tolerate in a mate. I suggested they document their needs and wants to decide if the next guy would fit them.

For example, one friend, Josie, decided her ideal guy would know how – and be willing to – cook some of the meals. He had to be thoughtful, emotionally available and like to talk things out after an argument instead of hiding out and pouting.

She also realized she needed him to be on the same page as her spiritually, and that he would have to be an avid church attendee. He also should love and want children like she did.

Clearly, getting involved with a man who had none (or barely any) of these characteristics would result in serious arguments and almost guaranteed problems in Josie's future.

So she wrote her requirements on a checklist, and if potential dates didn't meet her minimum needs, she politely said thanks, but no thanks.

By doing her work up front, Josie was able to avoid a lot of the painful frustrations of dating the wrong guy. She hasn't found the "right one" quite yet, but she's successfully avoided several really wrong ones.

So what are your wants and needs pertaining to him?

Like Josie, do you want him to be spiritual or religious? Look back at your goals list. Does it have any things on it that you want to do and he should match? For example, if your goal is to become a Buddhist, should he already be one, or be open to it?

Should he want kids? Should he want pets? Do you already have a pet and / or or kids and the "children" have to sign off on him?

Next, you will discover that some of your wants / needs will have nothing to do with your goals. They'll be all about his personality traits, which we'll cover in a bit.

Be Aware of Your Deal Breakers

Speaking of wants vs. needs … deal breakers – like needs- are crucial. These are the characteristics you must have – or avoid – for a relationship to work.

A huge deal breaker that I have encountered in my work has been the differing desire for children. If that's you, just be upfront about it.

If he wants kids and you don't, that's okay, but you two aren't compatible. If you want them and he doesn't, then it isn't going to work. Children just aren't something you can compromise on.

Another deal breaker I recommend you consider is ANY type of abuse. Even if it seems "mild" or that he's "just playing", mistreatment is a red flag and it's better to be single than dead. Too many women have ignored the signs and ended up paying with their lives.

Are there other deal breakers on your mind? Then put them on your list.

Now That You've Listed Them, Look for Your Needs, Wants, Dreams and Deal Breakers in HIM

If you're currently dating, does your current guy fit any of the items on your checklist so far?

Remember to be honest about this. Be aware whether you see these attributes because you want to, or if they are really there.

Be honest with yourself, put the emotion aside, and find out who he actually is. Time out for the fantasies and soap operas. This is serious. If he really doesn't fit – even if you really want him to – strike him from consideration. Doing so doesn't mean he isn't a good guy, he's just not the right one for you.

Step Three: Look for Generally Good Traits in Him

Remember I said earlier that you also needed to consider his personality traits too?

Now it's time to look into whether he has good personality traits or whether he shows some relationship red flags you need to steer clear of.

I'll mention my top three desirable traits just to get you started. It's up to you decide whether they are also on your list, or you can do without them. I know I've said this a lot, but your checklist is always yours and should reflect you, not me or anyone else.

Trust

Trust. I usually trust close family and friends, but are hesitant to extend it to strangers. It takes a while to gain my trust, and I suggest you do the same when dating.

Have you ever heard the expression "measure twice, cut once?". I think it's mostly for carpenters and woodworkers who want to be sure before making a permanent move. You can always take off a little more, but you can't always put it back.

Keeping that phrase in mind while dating wouldn't hurt. Why?

We have to be careful. A poor choice in a mate can have huge consequences in a woman's life, so we definitely have to measure our men multiple times before committing. One of the ways you should evaluate a man is whether you trust him, so be sure to do that carefully.

To determine whether you can trust your partner, here are a few tips:

* Rely on yourself first. Do you normally make good decisions? Yes? Then trust that you will make the right call.

* Depend on your head and your heart. Look for signs. Is he checking out other women when you're together? Does he hang around with trustworthy people or does he deal with shadies?

* Pay attention to what he is telling you AND showing you and then use that information to help you make informed decisions. Talk is cheap. Watch what he DOES.

* Remember that if you have decided that you are going to trust him, then follow through and trust him! Don't sit and worry at night, wondering what he's doing or if he's being unfaithful.?If you feel you have to do that, then a relationship with this guy just isn't worth the stress.

Honesty

Trust and honesty go hand in hand, so let's talk about it a bit. Find out if your partner is honest before getting too deeply involved with him.

How do you know if your guy is honest?

Take the initiative.

You must be honest if you're expecting it from your partner. Don't hide things, mislead him, or tell little "white lies" that are so easy to rationalize: it's no big deal if I just hide this small detail, etc.

I know an otherwise really sweet couple who seemed to build their relationship on white lies. I think they were trying to "spare each other" from bad stuff, but it ended up backfiring on them. They didn't outright lie to each other (at least in their minds), but those little lies formed cracks in their relationship that eventually caused it to collapse.

Do your homework.

Find out all you can about your partner.

You don't have to be obsessed, but do your research within reasonable boundaries.

I don't think it's necessary to get the cops involved here, but say if you were introduced by a mutual friend or family member, ask that person about your partner. Are they trustworthy? What are they like in private? Find out those types of things and you'll quickly get an idea of their honesty.

You'd ask for a referral and recommendations for anything else you're considering -from a plumber to a lawyer-why not get more information on a potential mate?

Last, make sure he knows upfront that honesty is an expectation and you won't tolerate anything less.

Have conversations about honesty. Make it clear that you are going to be honest and ask him to do the same. It's funny how many issues in relationships can be worked out through simple communication. Just talk.

If you start your relationship on a good, honest foundation, your chances of success increase greatly over those who choose to be dishonest or shady. And if you inform him upfront that it's expected, here's his chance to leave if he can't handle it.

As with anything else, there is risk involved. If trust is earned and then continues, awesome! But if it gets broken, don't beat yourself up and think you failed. You did everything you could.

We all make mistakes, you're only human. Learn from it, move on, and eventually you'll get it right!

Respect

I try to follow "The Golden Rule". I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. I want to be respected, so I try my hardest to respect others. It ain't easy all of the time, but it's worth at least trying!

If you have tried giving plenty of respect to your partner, but are not getting it in return, don't forget that you have the right to fix that problem. Don't just take his lack of respect lying down!

Whether that means talking with him about the lack of respect and asking for changes, or deciding this is not worth your time, make sure you don't allow disrespect to continue too long.

To figure out where you stand, ask yourself these questions:

• Does he respect you? If he demeans, objectifies, or degrades you, you're better off leaving. As the investors say on Shark Tank ™: "I'm out".

• Notice the way he treats you when you don't agree with him. Can you appreciate each other's different views without him getting pissed off?

• Find opportunities to be around his closest friends or family. When with familiar people, he will show his true colors eventually. Is he respectful around them?

• How does his family treat you? If they treat you as their equal, not an inferior, that's a good sign. Hopefully, he learned good things from them.

You also need to be honest with yourself regarding how you view your partner. Do you really value him, too? If you find you don't, you need to rethink your relationship.

Step Four: Tidy Up Your List

This isn't the end, it's just the beginning. Your checklist is always growing and changing along with you, so don't hesitate to add or even delete items that no longer fit you.

The point is that your plan reflect you at all times and if used, will allow you to choose a man who is right for you.

Good luck!

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Source by Nichole White

Views: 0

July 19, 2022