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5 Major Reasons Why Marriages Break

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Love: Yes, I mean love. I know you are wondering how love could cause a break up. It is believed that love is the basis of marriage. It is love that brings about marriage. You only marry once you realize that you love somebody else just as yourself. You can not marry somebody you hate. Unless is for some other reasons. When the sweet love you once shared turn into bitter, marriage is set to break. How will one live with a person that she / he resents so much. It is impossible, and that is why, most couples choose to separate and go their on ways. Every human being want to be loved. therefore, where there is no love, couples never stay together for long.

In-laws: What part does in-laws play in your marriage? Well, there is no marriage without in-laws. When couples get married, they automatically get in-laws. Some of these in-laws are the best and some are the worst. One could wonder whether they ever wanted their son / daughter to marry. They interfere with their children's / brother's / sister's marriage a lot. Who is to blame in this case? In most cases, it is the in-laws from the husband's side that bring all these problems. In such cases the blame goes to the man. He should stand up for his wife at all time even if she is wrong. He should not be the one inciting his people against the wife. Am sorry to say this but some husbands have the audacity to bad mouth their wives to their families. Tell me, won't your in-laws hate you when they hear such bad things coming from your own husband? If you allow your family interfere so much in your marriage, then know that with time, your wife will get tired and call it a quit!

Infidelity: This is the worst of them all. No one desires to be cheated on by the partner.in fact, if discovered by the other party, there is no forgiveness. When a man discovers that his wife is cheating on him, he can do the worst to the man involved with his wife. Women are lenient. On their part, they can forgive their husbands but will never ever love them again. Some women end up choosing to leave the man and even demand for divorce.

Comparisons: This is a very painful reason for break ups. when a spouse chooses to constantly compare his / her spouse to another, it really hurt much. Even though the one doing it, could be doing it so unknowingly. In some cases, the spouse who does this comparisons, is aware of it and usually do it purposefully to hurt the spouse. The targeted spouse may in some cases, try to much up to the party being compared to and if the sacrifice is not noticed, this may lead to a break up.

Physical, emotional and mental abuse: This is one of the major causes for marriage break ups. One couple could be abusive to the other partner. This could be physical / emotional torture. An abusive spouse is worse than a murderer. The reason is: they usually use intimidation and manipulation to keep the abused partner under control at all time. They are sadist! They never want to see their spouses happy! They beat them up, call them all sort of abusive names and even cause the other partner feel useless and unworthy. With such, the marriage will definitely break up especially when the abused get tired of constantly being abused.

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Source by Leah Simiyu Mbatha

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October 8, 2019
Understanding Love's True Nature

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Since the dawn of homo sapiens, we have been investigating, experiencing, and trying to crack the secret code of love. Many of us seem to have forgotten that in the earlier days, free love was a scarcity. From aristocrats to slaves, marriages and relationships were often given as commands and choices of individuals in higher power and authority for political, religious, material and personal gains. Thus, there are the great love tragedies of "Romeo and Juliet" and "Abelard and Heloise", as well as countless others who were heedlessly persecuted for their innocent expression of love. These tragic love stories left many of us wondering, why is it so hard to love and what is like to experience that depth of love?

Free will love has made much progress in the 21st century through the evolution of humans' love experiences, technological advancement, and cultural changes. In today's more liberal societies, people are given the freedom to choose and express their admirations and desires to the subjects of their affection with little or no consequences. However, in societies where we can freely choose whom we want to love, we have witnessed an increase in divorce rate, a decline in marriage rate, and more people delaying marriage for different reasons.

Duality of Love

But regardless whether we follow the "Abelard and Heloise" love model of 'following one to the end of the Hell' to 'you are just one of the 100 people that I am seeing and what is your name again?', We experience the universal conditions of pleasures and pains, the coming together, and the ultimate disintegration of love and relationships, no matter how little or how much we love. No matter how much wealth and power one possesses, one is still subject to others' emotional and physical transgressions.

So, if we know the ultimate end to any love and relationship, why are we still relentlessly pursuing love, whether it is in the form of a committed monogamous relationship or sleeping with as many people as we can? What is it that we pursue in our teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and up to the moment of our death? And if we are to look back at our lives, would we regret the times we did not try harder, the people we have hurt, and most painful of all, we easily let go of that person who awakens our soul, only to learn so too late.

Pleasures and pains are the twin brothers of love. We cannot expect one and not the other. We think we deserve God-like love and it is someone else's responsibility to make us happy. If we want God-like love, then we should put in God-like work. If we are not willing to open our hearts to experience judgements, disappointments, and pains in experiencing love, how can we ask for a love that brings us happiness? If we are not willing to overcome our egos and karmic conditionings, how we can manifest a love that brings us meaning? If we are not willing to heal our souls' deepest wounds, how can we expect to live without pain?

Love's True Nature

Perhaps we can think ourselves as individuals who have came together to help each other learn and master the experiences of love and separation in different forms: commitment, marriage, infidelity, rejection, betrayal, and abandonment. So, in facing repetitive failures, disappointments, and hurts, we don't easily give up, and we continue to seek, learn, and understand love's true nature. In doing so, we can look beyond the rise and fall of constant changes in our everyday interactions and relationships.

We learn to not waste energy on trivial questions like why he / she never responded to my text or never called me back. We don't doubt our values because the person we love chooses someone else and we respect his / her choice and will. We don't live the rest of our lives in disappointment and hurt over people's betrayal. We don't take the easy route of love at the expense of others.

When we transcend our experiences and learnings, love is no longer an idea of you, me, he, she, or us. To love is to release us from our pains, fears, regrets, shame, guilt, and delusions, so we can transcend beyond our limited perceptions of ourselves and what love is.

We can overcome our conditioned desires that dictate our thinking, beliefs, and behaviors in relationships. We develop the wisdom and courage to stay true to our hearts and not give in to our fears and pains for short term pleasures and gains.

In experiencing the beginning and end of all human love relationships and their associated pleasures and pains, we learn unconditional acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

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Source by Wendy Lin

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October 8, 2019
My Husband Says He’s Going To Leave Me, And Yet He’s Still In Our Home – Why?

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Often, when a husband announces that he is going to leave, a wife expects him to promptly pack his bags and begin the separation. It’s not that this is what the wife wants to happen. But when someone makes an announcement that is this serious, well, the assumption is that no one would want to drag their feet on this, as once the decision has been made, it’s probably easier to just go ahead and move out.

However, this isn’t what always happens. Some husbands make this announcement and then they don’t really move out right away. Some are still telling their wives that they are leaving even as they continue to park themselves on the couch and make use of the refrigerator. A wife might say: “I truly don’t get it. Three weeks ago, my husband came home and announced that he is going to leave me. He said that our marriage hasn’t been good for a while now and that he thinks that we should take a break and live apart to see what happens. This isn’t what I want. In my heart, I feel like if he leaves, he might never come back and we might end up divorced. He actually told me that he wanted to leave on a Friday night. I expected him to move out that weekend. Why wait? If you’re going to take the initiative to tell your wife that you are going to leave her, I would think that you would want to leave as soon as possible. That isn’t the case, though. It’s three weeks later and he’s still in our house. He’s still complaining. He’s still saying he’s going to leave and yet he is still here. I’m afraid to ask him why he’s still here because I am afraid that he would take that to mean that I wanted him out. My mom says that he is essentially free loading or that he’s too lazy to find a new place, but that doesn’t make sense, as my husband earns more than I do. Why do men say that they want to leave their wives and then stay at home?”

I can only speculate, because there are a variety of reasons. I will list some of them below so that you can see if any of them might ring true.

He May Not Want To Actually Leave And Was Just Trying To Get A Reaction: Sometimes, a husband truly is frustrated with the marriage or the situation, but he doesn’t know how to create change. He may have tried to make a change without success or he’s afraid that you will be resistant or defensive. So he puts the “leaving” out there in the hopes that you will try to stop him or that you will then be open to negotiating change.

He May Be Trying To Move Out At The Right Time Or In The Right Way: Some husbands do take their time in actually moving out. Many aren’t all that excited about moving from their familiar and comfortable home into a smaller apartment. Others will try to leave their wife in a good place before they physically move out. What I mean by that is that some will complete repairs and necessary maintenance before they leave so that their wife doesn’t have to worry about this.

He May Be Having Second Thoughts: This is the final suggestion that I will make. We all say things or make decisions out of frustration, only to have second thoughts later. Actually moving out of your home and pursuing a marital separation is a huge step. And it would be completely normal for him to reconsider and then to hesitate to admit this. It’s possible that he’s hoping that this will just blow over or that you will ask him not to leave.

Deciding Where To Go From Here: Since you can’t know which of the above is true (unless he tells you,) then you have to ask yourself what really matters the most. If you want to save your marriage, then I think you have focus on the fact that at least he’s still there – whatever the reason. It’s so much easier to save your marriage when your husband is physically present. When he moves out, it can be difficult to reconnect and to not have repeated misunderstandings since communication is limited and not always face-to-face. Yes, I know that it is frustrating that he’s sending mixed signals and that this is confusing. But I think that it is better to focus on the fact that he is there rather than questioning him and then potentially forcing him out. If you can use this time to improve things so that he doesn’t follow through and leave, then that’s probably the best option.

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Source by Leslie Cane

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October 7, 2019
The Many Wives of Eliot Ness

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Eliot Ness is most often known the character portrayed in The Untouchables, both on television and film. In both depictions, Ness is seen being somewhat of a family man with a wife. The television series starring Robert Stack brings out a more accurate depiction as it gets the name of his wife correct and gives him a son. The Brian DePalma film changes the names of his wife and gives him two fictional biological children.

The prohibition agent who is credited with bringing down Al Capone is depicted in fiction literature as well. In Nemesis, he is seen going through a divorce, although the driving force of the story is his failed search for the Cleveland Torso murderer. In Chasing Eliot Ness, he is also seen going through a divorce from his first wife, Edna and at the end of the book, has remarried.

Eliot Ness was married three times. Edna, Evaline and Elizabeth. He never had any biological children, although he and his third wife adopted a three year old son, Robert. He has no living descendants as his son died before having any children of his own. None of the women he married had biological children.

According to his biography, Edna was his college sweetheart and first wife. She left Eliot Ness in 1938 and moved back to Chicago. At this time, Ness had a high profile job in Cleveland. This is depicted in both Nemesis and Chasing Eliot Ness.

The second wife was Evaline, an artist. Like the prohibition agent, she liked the night life and did not seem to want to settle down with kids. Ness never owned a house, he always rented and traveled frequently. This marriage was of short duration and ended tumultuously, although neither party discussed what exactly caused the split.

In television series, the Robert Stack character refers to his wife as Betty, although she is never seen on camera. This depiction is more accurate of the real life Eliot Ness character as he is rarely seen at home and his wife or family never comes between his zest for solving crimes. Although the television series is highly fictionalized when it comes to his crime solving, it is pretty accurate when it comes to his marriage.

The reason for the confusion is due to the fact that Ness never told Fraley about his two previous marriages. Fraley did not know the crime stopper was married twice before when he wrote The Untouchables, which is pretty much just as much a work of fiction as Chasing Eliot Ness with regard to the personal life of this man.

His wives are all long dead. None of them got into details about their personal life with the man who is credited with bringing down Al Capone. But according to books written on the subject, both fictional such as Chasing Eliot Ness and of a biographical nature, such as The Real Story Of Eliot Ness, all of the wives did have one complaint about him which might explain as to why he went through two divorces at a time when one was shocking.

He was simply never home.

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Source by Michelle Anne Williams

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October 7, 2019