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  • I’m Hoping That My Marital Separation Will Only Be Temporary. How Do I Communicate With My Spouse?

    I’m Hoping That My Marital Separation Will Only Be Temporary. How Do I Communicate With My Spouse?

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    Many people are understandably confused about how they should communicate with their separated spouse, especially when they are hoping that the break is going to be only temporary. Some have people advising them that it’s better to speak only sparingly, while their heart might be telling them that they want to keep in constant communication.

    Someone might ask, “how are you supposed to keep in touch with a separated spouse? I’m hopeful that we will not be separated for very long, but I don’t know that for sure. My husband did make a point of getting a week to week place rather than signing a lease, so that does offer me a bit of encouragement. Still, things are not really all that great between us. We don’t fight horribly or anything, but we just seem to misunderstand one another all of the time, so things are tense and chilly. I am used to talking to my husband multiple times per day, but I don’t know how to proceed now. Some of my friends tell me that I need to follow the ‘no contact’ rule, but I don’t like the sound of that. I want to know that my husband is okay and I’d hope that he’d feel the same about me. Still, it would feel awkward calling and have him not sound like he is happy to hear from me. So I am not sure how I should be communicating and how often. What do most couples do about this?”

    It truly does depend on the couple and on the state of the marriage. In my experience, it greatly helps to try to agree on the agree that you’ll talk on certain nights and see one another at regular times, this is ideal. It allows you to check in regularly. Plus, literally seeing one another allows you to still be invested in each other’s lives.

    I know that this might seem like overkill, but too many couples leave this to chance and then some time goes by and then it’s suddenly awkward and weird to call. People also tend to assume the worst of each other when they aren’t in regular communication. So if your spouse is receptive to regular communication, I’ve found that this is best.

    With this said, sometimes one of the spouses doesn’t want excessive contact initially, especially when things are volatile. In this instance, texting can be better than nothing. That allows you to check in and let your spouse know that you are thinking of him, while it’s not as intrusive as calling so that he has to pick up.

    To be honest, I see “no contact” going wrong more than I see it being helpful. Often, with “no contact” the couple just drifts further and further away and assumes the worst of one another. The only time that I’ve seen “no contact” work is when one spouse is blatantly rejecting the other so much that communication is only possible when the rejected spouse is doing all of the heavy lifting. I had to do a variation on this, but I wouldn’t call what I did “no contact.” My husband got very tired of me always asking how he felt and what he wanted. When he wouldn’t answer me, I’d just keep calling and texting. He eventually shut down. It got to where I really had no choice but to back off. I went out of town. I told him that I was going and that I was available if he wanted to talk. I checked in every once in a while. So this wasn’t traditional “no contact,” where I completely went silent. I just toned down the communication on my end because it had become too much. But I made it clear that he could reach out to me at any time. And he eventually did. So it was to my benefit to tone down what my husband perceived as overbearing behavior. However, I would never have given my husband the perception that I didn’t want to talk to him and wasn’t available.

    Ideally, it’s best to have open and regular communication in a way that feels comfortable to both spouses. You may prefer phone conversations. Your husband might prefer texting. You might want to actually see each other at regular intervals. Whatever works for you is okay. But in my experience, it’s best to remain in contact if you can make that work. It’s so easy to not check in and then before long, you’ll find that things have deteriorated even further. You’ll worry that your spouse is seeing other people or avoiding you. These things are avoidable if you communicate, but I realize that not everyone has that luxury. Sometimes, a text might be all that you get. But at least you know that your spouse is okay and is checking in. I tried to tell myself that my goal for each communication was to make it so that my husband was open and receptive the next time that we communicated. When you leave things on a positive note, then it’s more likely to be pleasant the next time. When you look at it this way, you are more likely to be in regular communication, which in my experience is the ideal way to go.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Starting a New Relationship – Dating Tips for Women in Their 40s

    Starting a New Relationship – Dating Tips for Women in Their 40s

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    If you're a single woman in her 40s and you've recently started dating a great guy who you think might be the man for you, congratulations!

    You've successfully navigated meeting him and going on the first date plus a few more. Perhaps you two have gotten past the initial small talk and have started discussing a relationship together. Now what?

    First of all, now that you're in your 40s, remember, you have all the time in the world. There is no need to race to exclusivity. Before you commit yourself to a relationship with this great guy, ask yourself, "Am I ready to take myself out of the dating pool?"

    Before you remove yourself from the "after 40" dating scene, you want to make sure you've done a few things to be certain about what you're doing.

    How Many Mature Men Have You Considered?

    Have you met and dated at least 10 men in the past year or so? If you're close to that number, that's OK. 10 is just a guideline. It is not a strict requirement.

    What Types of Men Over 40 Have You Dated?

    Also, have you allowed yourself to consider some very different men than you dated when you were in your 20s and early 30s? Now that you're in your 40s, some of your husband requirements might still be the same as they were when you were younger. However, their order of priority might be different.

    Let me give you an example. If now you're a divorced and single mom, then you are not looking for great potential father material. Your children, hopefully, still have their father. What you're looking for now is a man who would be a good step dad. A good step dad is typically more of a part-time job than a full-time job, unless your children's dad is no longer around. This is just to illustrate how your life is different now than in your 20s.

    Does Your Man Have Time to Share with You?

    Also, by now that you're in your 40s, you have an established career. You might not be looking for a man with massive earning potential because now you have that financial security and status yourself! What does that mean for you now for your after 40 mate selection? Naturally, you want a man who is financially stable. You also want a man who has enough time and outside interests to share himself with you and be an interesting life companion, right?

    Now that you've considered what you want in a relationship and if you are saying yes to most of these questions, then, yes, by all means, agree to become exclusive! As the two of you start a relationship, remember to share both fun date nights going out as well as the daily activities of life, like grocery shopping together. Have fun and let me know how it's going.

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    Source by April Braswell

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  • How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

    How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are fairly certain that their husband is going to leave them. Some of them just have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving out. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them concede that the marriage does have problems, but most don’t believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most of the wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that is left in the marriage, and try to salvage their family. The wife usually figures that if the love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes, the husband clues in on this, begins to pull away, and starts to make the wife worry that he no longer loves her in the way that he used to. So, she puts two and two together and starts to believe that if she can just make him “love her more,” then he won’t want to leave any longer.

    She might say, “I can tell by the way that my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know that it’s not just my imagination – because, in the past, he has talked about moving out. First, he was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I am pretty sure that he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got ill, so he had to deal with that. At this point, I just want to make him love me more so that I don’t have to deal with this moving out threat every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that are going to discourage him from moving out. How do I increase his love for me so that he won’t want to move out?”

    Why You Don’t Want To Let Any Hint Of Manipulation Into This Mix: This situation is so tricky on so many levels. First of all, the second that you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of both manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat annoyed, knowing that his wife is trying to “make” him do something is not going to bring about loving feelings. It is usually going to encourage him to do just the opposite – he might instead back away and retreat. Worse, he may then limit your access to him, which suddenly makes your job a lot harder.

    Take Stock Of What Is Positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still in your home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would leave and would not let anything stop him – regardless of the holidays or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the timing or the details second. I’m not saying that he’s happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be dire just yet. You may still have time.

    I know that your inclination right now is to panic and to pressure your husband more. These are the last things that you should do. Think about what attracted your husband to you initially. It probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to lay claim on him and to hold him in a tight grasp. No, it was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he talked and who expected the same from him.

    Fixing What Is Fixable: One really good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often, it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that draws out the feelings within it. You can have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you are fighting. The very best thing that you can do is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to loving feelings and then remove what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that it drives your husband crazy when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can – and this is normally your behavior, not his.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Words Can Help Heal – Sending a Pet Loss Card

    Words Can Help Heal – Sending a Pet Loss Card

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    Anyone that has ever owned a pet knows that no matter how small an animal is, they each have their very own personality. Pets appreciate you. They look forward to seeing you daily. They make you feel wanted and needed. They can get you out of a funk. It is no wonder that we get attached to our pets.

    Losing a pet is one of the hardest things that a pet owner will ever have to face. When someone loses a husband, a parent, or a child, we automatically think to send a card. We sometimes underestimate the importance of sending a pet loss card to a loved one. It is equally important to show you care by sending a heartfelt message. Simple words can mean so much to someone. It is comforting to a person who has lost a pet to know that their loved ones recognize their loss and respect their feelings of grief. The support of close friends and family during any loss can make the process a little easier to go through.

    There are many way to express sympathy in a pet loss card. Here are some tips when writing words of comfort in a pet loss card:

    1. Make sure to use your loved one’s pet name. Instead of saying “sorry about your dog”, say “sorry to hear about Max”.

    2. If you have a specific story that your loved one ever talked about, mention it. It shows that you cared about the life of the animal and that not only were you listening, you were thoughtful enough to remember it.

    3. Depending on your friend’s beliefs, mentioning the pet being in heaven can be comforting.

    4. A lot of the time, pet owners feel some sort of guilt for having to euthanize a pet. It is important to let them know what good pet owners they were. Remind your loved one how awesome they were to their pet, and all the special little things they did to make their pet feel loved and special.

    5. Offer your time. Mention that you are available any time to get a bite to eat, go out for coffee, or just listen. It helps not to be alone when you’re grieving. Although a lot of things probably aren’t exactly fun right away, doing things to keep your loved one’s mind off of the loss of her pet can help with the healing process.

    No matter what you choose to say, make it personal. Remember that this pet played a huge role in your loved one’s life, and that your words mean more than you might know.

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    Source by Lisa Falsetti

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  • People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

    People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

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    I sometimes hear from people who are getting some hurtful feedback from those who are supposed to be “supporting” them during their marital separation. Sometimes, this so-called support comes from friends or family members. It can even come from the “support group” that you specifically joined in order to feel lifted up during your separation, which can be incredibly disappointing. Someone might say, “I did not really want to burden my family, friends, or coworkers with details about my separation. They know that I am separated, but I just don’t want to hear people’s personal opinions about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping to reconcile and so I don’t want to influence their opinions about my husband or about our relationship. However, I wanted a place to talk things through and to feel supported so I joined a support group for people going through a separation / divorce. The first week felt pretty good, but maybe that is because everyone was on their best behavior. I have to admit that the last few weeks, it really hasn’t gone well. I want to reconcile with my husband. I was looking for people who could identify with what I was going through to keep my spirits up while I was waiting to see what happened with my marriage. However, many of these people are getting ready to divorce and are quite bitter and angry. If I try to relay good news that happened between my husband and myself during the week, I sometimes get sarcastic comments. Someone might say ‘well, just wait. He’s just trying to be nice to you so that you’ll accept the divorce later.’ These type of comments are obviously not what I want to hear. I don’t mind expressing my fears, but I want people to try to talk me down or to help me look on the bright side. I don’t want people to tell me that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that all separations end in divorce. This is why I didn’t tell some friends and family, but now I am getting this with the support group. And yet, I know that I need support, so I am not sure what to do.”

    I can really identify with what you are saying. I told some people about my own separation and I really came to regret it. Some of my friends became really angry with my husband and never really got over it – even after we reconciled. By then, I’d long forgiven my husband, and I just wanted to move on. But some people wouldn’t let it go. The thing is, with some people, if you tell them your most personal issues, then you’d better be ready to talk about those same issues every single time that you talk with them because they want to keep bringing it up and picking the scab. That is why you have to be really careful about who you confide in. Some people will project their own experiences and fears onto your experience and obviously, this doesn’t help you. Just because there are people in the support group who may be headed for divorce, this does not mean that you will be. At some point, I just had to tell people who weren’t supportive that I valued their friendship, but that I needed to talk about something else. Then I sought support elsewhere.

    If you have not tried counseling, that is probably the very best option for support. They are trained professionals whose only job is to help you. They don’t know you outside of this and therefore are not going to let other things bleed into the reason for your being there. That is really the ideal scenario, but if you are resistant to counseling, then you have to pick your “trusted support person” carefully. If you truly feel that the support group isn’t going to improve, then you want to make sure that if you decide to end this support system, then you have already replaced it with a new and better one. Honestly, my ideal support person was not who I thought that it would be. It was someone from work who I did not know very well and perhaps that helped. She didn’t have all of the history with me that some of my other friends did. And she had separated and reconciled previously so she understood my thought process. Our interactions always left me feeling better, and not worse.

    I often journaled my feelings on weekends because I knew that I needed to get them out and didn’t have access to my best support person. I came to decide that I’d rather journal to release my feelings than to have unsupportive people make me feel worse.

    It’s important to remember that you can control who you allow to influence you. It’s possible to politely retreat when people aren’t understanding or supportive. It can be really important to surround yourself with positivity because it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s very important to remember that people’s unsupportive reactions usually have more to do with their situation than with yours. They are projecting their own life and their own problems onto you, which just isn’t fair. If the support group isn’t providing the support that you need and is just making you feel worse, there’s nothing wrong with politely seeking support elsewhere. Because support is very important, but it can be tricky and difficult to find the right, objective person or group of people. At the same time, you don’t want to alienate family and friends, which is why it’s fine to just change the subject and ask to discuss something else.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • The Success Story of Beethoven

    The Success Story of Beethoven

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    Beethoven was born on 16th, December, 1770 in Bonn of Germany. His father was a singer in local palace choir. Beethoven’s father was a very common person and he was addicted to gambling. However, his mother was a fairly kind-hearted and gentle female.She married an assistant as her first marriage and married to Beethoven’s father when her ex-husband died.

    Beethoven didn’t have access to go to school for the reason that his family was very poor. Nevertheless, he had a special feeling of music when he was very young.His father wanted to make use of his potential to make a big fortune. As a result, Beethoven had to practice playing clavecin and violin day and night under his father’s pressure.

    Beethoven had a performance on a stage for the first time when he was only seven years old and he made a huge success.Some famous musicians considered him as the second Mozart. Beethoven learned how to compose music from Nifo and published his first work named Concerto in A minor when he was 11. He went to Vienna to learn how to compose music from Mozart and Haydn.

    It seems that he would have a fairly bright future when Beethoven received the first success in 1800. Nevertheless, he was troubled with a terrible matter for years at that time.He found that he has became a deaf person. There couldn’t be anything more terrible than that for a musician. He sank into a blue mood for a long time as a consequence.

    Beethoven has an enthusiastic heart all the time.But his enthusiasm was often unfortunate. He often tolerated both hope and enthusiasm,disappointment and resistance. There was no doubt that all of these emotions had become his unique source of creation. He fell in love with Julia in 1801 and composed a music named Moonlight for her specifically. To his disappointed, she couldn’t understand his noble soul and refused him. Beethoven was upset and despairing for that and married a comte before long. It was the most hopeless moment for him and once a time, he wrote down a paper of posthumous papers.

    He came to life in 1803 and composed some bright and warm music such as The Second Symphonies. From then on, several more beautiful and marvelous music were produced. Some of them are fairly famous and I think you must have heard about them such as The Eroica and The Storm.

    Beethoven finished his masterpiece named The Ninth Symphonies in 1823. This piece of work expressed his world in his dream.

    He suffered from pulmonary edema in Dec.1826, which was resulted from a bad influenza.He passed away on 26th, March, 1827 for the reason of suffering from hepatopathy.

    It is said that the day on which Beethoven died was raining heavily and storming seriously. It seems that even the God grieved over his death.

    Beethoven’s funeral was fairly solemn and grand.It is estimated that over 20 thousand people presented his funeral.

    Beethoven’s wealth and success in music was huge and great. There are few people who can surpass his competence in music creation. He is a great musician for us and we shall miss him forever and appreciate his works.

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    Source by Linda Ding

    Views: 0

  • My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

    My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

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    As a wife who has been very reluctantly separated, I would argue that there is a natural and undeniable inclination to cling tightly to what you are afraid of losing. And when you are a wife who does not want to lose your marriage or your husband, then it’s very natural to cling a little more tightly. In some instances and with some husbands, this doesn’t matter. Some husbands do not mind the clinging.

    But when you are dealing with a husband who was demanding space and who seems to be distancing himself from his wife, it can matter – quite a bit, in fact. Many husbands push back against this type of clinging and distance themselves even more. They may use phrases like: “smothering,” “holding on too tight,” or “coming on too strong.”

    The wives hear what the husband is saying, but they also point out that their husband is expecting something that just isn’t natural. She might say: “last night, my husband told me something that I never ever expected him to say. He told me that I was smothering him. We have been separated for about three weeks – at his insistence. If I had my way, he would still be living at home. But as it is, he is staying with a male friend. He has been restless and unhappy for months. He finally told me that he needed some time away from our marriage. I immediately panicked and assumed that he wanted a divorce. He swore that he didn’t. But I am still not sure that I believe him. I just don’t understand why a middle aged man should need space from his marriage unless he is planning to end the marriage or break his vows. And that is why I feel that I need to be in touch with him every day and know what he is doing. But when I try to do this, he tells me that I am “smothering” him. I believe his exact words were something like: ‘I felt like I was being smothered at home and now I feel like I can’t escape even now that I am here. You have got to stop smothering me. I have got to be my own person.’ It’s almost like he is accusing me of acting like his parent – and I absolutely am not. I just care about him and I think that I have the right to know what is going on with him and with my marriage. I don’t think that our talking a couple of times per day is too much to ask. I don’t call that ‘smothering.’ Do you?”

    I am going to be honest because I honestly want to help you. And I want to help you because I have been in your shoes and, because I made so many similar mistakes that almost costs me my marriage, I learned a hard truth. And it is this: It really doesn’t matter if you or I wouldn’t call checking in “smothering.” Because if he perceives it as such, then he is going to react to that perception. And his reaction may be detrimental to what you really want. And isn’t that all that matters?

    Understand That Ideal End Game: I suspect that you what you really want is both for him to come back and for him to come back willingly – and not with his tail between his legs because you have worn him down. Believe me, I understand the strategy. I never consciously thought about it. But looking back now, I think I figured that if I could bug my husband enough or remind him of our marriage enough, he’d eventually get sick of the back and forth and come back home.

    Instead, he distanced himself from me even more. We’ve reconciled now. But he’s confided in me that there were times when he considered divorce because he felt that might be necessary to “escape” my constant contact.

    I’m not here to debate whether or not my husband legitimately needed space from me. He and I will probably never agree on that. But what does matter is that he thought that he did. And frankly, that is all that matters. Because these thoughts formed his actions. Whether his thinking was faulty or not, he was going to act on it. And this thought process made a huge difference in what happened in our marriage.

    I know that we wives like to think that if we just do or say the right thing, he will change his mind and not want space from us anymore. But frankly, this isn’t as likely as him just getting frustrated that you are not listening.

    If What You’ve Done Isn’t Working, Consider Trying Something New: For me, the better call was backing away. I tried initially just telling my husband that I was going to let him call me next time. This did work – some, at least. But there were times when he would not call and I would panic and then come on too strong. So I took some time off by putting literal miles between us by returning to my hometown for a while. This forced me to back away – because I didn’t have much of a choice.

    This didn’t feel ideal at the time. Honestly, it felt like giving up at that particular moment in time. But it did eventually make a positive difference. Eventually, my husband started reaching out to me. And as this started to work, I didn’t have to force myself quite as much anymore. I literally saw that it was working, so the struggle became much less because finally I was starting to see the tide turn. For this reason, I was more than willing to go along because I knew it was the better alternative.

    I am not suggesting that you need to do the same thing. That may not work for you. But I am suggesting that you ask yourself if backing away – even for just a little while – might be worth a try. You can always reverse course if it doesn’t work for you. But once you know for sure that what you’re doing isn’t working – and once your husband has literally told you in harsh words that he’s getting frustrated – then these are both good indications that you may want to change course, even if only for a little while. At the very least, maybe try a form of communication that he doesn’t find “smothering.” You may not technically be smothering, but if he thinks you are, then that is what matters.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • How Should The Other Woman Proceed When The Wife Finds Out About The Affair?

    How Should The Other Woman Proceed When The Wife Finds Out About The Affair?

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    I sometimes hear from women who have been cheating with someone who is married. Some of the time, they truly believed that in due time, the man’s marriage was going to come to a natural and mutual end so that the two of them could be together. They wanted to believe that the marriage had grown stale so that both people would mutually agree to end the marriage. Once this happens, then that would free up the husband to pursue a new relationship.

    As we all know, this isn’t usually the way that it happens. Usually, the wife finds out about the affair and the marriage does not just end by both people mutually agreeing to it in a healthy way. The wife is usually hurt and angry and, believe it or not, the husband usually panics and immediately chases after his wife, suddenly afraid that he’s going to lose his family.

    Understandably, this can leave the other woman confused. This isn’t how things were presented to her. And where is she in all of this? You can see how she would feel left out in the cold and unsure about how to proceed. She might say: “I feel stupid admitting that I honestly thought I was going to live happily ever after with the man that I was dating. I knew that he was married, but he presented it to me like he was working on untangling himself from that. Still, he was always careful that his wife would not find out. But she did. And I was shocked when he immediately told me that he could not see me anymore and begged me not to make this harder than it already was. I’m very shocked by this. And I feel set aside and hurt. Now this guy and his wife are scrambling to save their family, but what about me? I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I am left out in the cold of all of this. I am tempted to try to contact his wife and plead my case. I want her to know that the husband represented to me that their marriage was over. I want for her to have all of the information so that she doesn’t think that her husband is loyal to her. And I want to see the other man and plead my case also. After all that we have been through, it is annoying that he is just going to walk away. What should I do right now?”

    Honestly, I am not sure that you are going to like my answer but it is heartfelt and is what I honestly feel and believe. I will admit that I have been the wife in this situation, but I’ve had friends in your situation and I hear from many on the other side of the equation. I can tell you that statistically, the husband and wife generally end up together. It may take a while. And there can definitely be some uncertainty, but statistics show us that it is much more likely for the husband to go back to his wife than to have a lasting relationship with the other person. You can check this for yourself, but that is what the statistics show. That is why I do not recommend that you reach out to either of them. It is only going to hurt, annoy, and frustrate everyone involved and the chances are high that it is not going to affect the outcome in the long run. You’ll only be causing pain to yourself, the husband, and the wife.

    I know that a big driving force for you right now is that you feel set aside and ignored. One reason for this is that it feels as if your course of action is set by someone else. Since the husband and wife have the marriage, they get to decide how things proceed, which can seem very unfair. So how do you get a sense of control back? By bowing out gracefully from this trio and focusing on yourself, your own well being, and your own happiness. Take control back of your own life. Ask yourself why you’d be vulnerable to settling for a man who couldn’t be solely yours. Fix your self esteem and then vow to only give your heart to men that are free to return your love and be yours alone. All women deserve nothing less. I know that this might not be what you wanted to hear, but I believe that it is the healthiest option. It gives you control of your life, it really is the right thing to do for all involved, and it doesn’t force you to go against the odds. Trying to hurt others usually ends up only hurting you. There’s more than enough hurt to go around right now, so you can never go wrong with focusing on your own healing instead.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Love As an Emotion

    Love As an Emotion

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    I am now talking to the male part of any relationship because the male is normally the leader in any relationship. So, men, what will happen if your love for your wife or girlfriend relied on your emotions, or on your feelings? Today, you could cherish her, caress her, care for her, hug and kiss her. Tomorrow, you might feel totally different. You might slap her around a bit, shout and scream at her, ignore her, deride her. Because that is exactly what feelings are all about. Emotions play games on your feelings all the time. And the game changes every day, every minute. Think now of how confusing for the poor lady you have as a girlfriend or wife. She wants your attention, she says she loves you and has chosen you to be her mate, friend, and husband, whatever. But she is afraid of you because you are so much stronger as her, and she knows at any time you could burst into one of your tirades with disastrous consequences for her. Maybe a broken nose, a black eye, cracked ribs. Men who do this to any woman should be ashamed of themselves.

    Real adult love is more than just a feeling. It means caring even when you do not feel like caring. It means spending time with your spouse when you prefer watching an important game on the telly. It also means nursing her when she feels ill and spending time with her when you prefer spending time with your friends. Love is taking responsibility for others and setting their needs and desires above yours. Love is also consistent with your feelings and it does not change every day. Love is not rude or harsh with your spouse, and respects her as the weaker member of your relationship.

    I guess what I really want to say about being in a relationship where emotions and feelings is the basis of your relationship, and then you need to think long and hard about this. To rely on feelings is immature and stupidity, you just cannot rely on it. Do you really want to have a relationship with this woman? Tomorrow you might prefer spending time with your friends. Or for that matter, some other woman. So, if you decide no, I do not want to spend so much time with this woman, and then tell her that so that she could understand where she stands. She might feel hurt now, but in the end, she will at least know where she stands with you. And both of you could move on with your lives.

    There are so many examples I can give on real love. But one thing I will say about this. Real love is taking responsibility of the opposite gender. Today you say you love her, but she will have the assurance that regardless of how you feel, tomorrow you would love just as much. Do not rely on your feelings of love for today, tomorrow it might be different.

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    Source by Rodney Evan Bentley

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