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  • Life Lessons Learnt Post Drug Detox

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    Drug addiction is a chronic illness that brings misery not only to the life of the individual addicted, but also to his or her loved ones. In recent years, drug addiction has become a matter of serious concern for the United States as a large number of young adults in the country are getting addicted to prescriptions drugs and illegal substances at an alarming rate.

    The “drug culture” rampant in the American society takes a heavy toll on the people’s personal as well as professional lives. Sometimes, the influence of the drug can be so strong that it may lead to several other serious issues, such as increased risk for physical and mental ailments, suicidal thoughts, and even death.

    However, drug addiction is a preventable and curable disease that can be treated with medications and counseling. Medical detoxification is the first step toward quitting the vice of addiction and leading a productive life. Though the detox process is essentially aimed at removing toxins from the body after a long-term drug use, it teaches some incredible life lessons along the way.

    Listed below are some of the lessons that people learn during drug detox in a rehabilitation program, which can be carried out for many years to come:

    1. Addiction does not discriminate

    Drug addiction can affect anybody regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, race, or even socio-economic class. Often starting as an experiment, people gradually cross the illusive line of addiction, from where there is no turning back. However, the good news is that an effective detox program can help such people get rid of the devastating habit.

    2. Increasing awareness about addiction is important

    Being aware about the ways in which a particular drug can affect an individual and knowing about the legal repercussions of its addiction can motivate a person and his or her loved ones to stay away from the drug. Also, being aware of the right detox program is important to ensure a speedy recovery for a person who is already in the clutches of destructive drug use.

    3. Addiction leaves one lonely

    Drug addiction is a chronic illness that makes an individual live in solitude. Those fighting substance abuse disconnect themselves from the external world and stay aloof from friends, relatives and other loved ones. Undergoing a detox program teaches a person to make friends, lead a social life and engage in healthy habits.

    4. Self-care is essential

    Taking care of own body and mind is important to keep oneself fit and healthy. This is also required to ensure that a vulnerable individual does not get trapped into drug addiction, and continues to lead an addiction-free life post detox.

    5. Running away from stress does not prevent drug addiction

    For many individuals, addiction generally develops when they feel low, sad or depressed. However, in a detox program, a person comes face-to-face with such negative emotions and makes efforts to develop “emotional sobriety” first, in order to lead a drug-free life.

    Leading a drug-free life is possible

    Abusing any form of drugs, including prescription drugs, is illegal and can deteriorate the life of any individual. A comprehensive detoxification is a must in every drug rehabilitation program as it prepares the patient for further treatment procedure. The complexity of detoxification depends on the nature and length of the abuse.

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    Source by Barbara Odozi

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  • Book Summary: The Millionaire Messenger: Make a Difference and a Fortune Sharing by Brendon Burchard

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    I read this book sitting in a Thai food restaurant on the Oregon coast. The food was outstanding and what was very interesting was the fact that at the cash register there was a book and DVD set talking about going to college for free. The author was a young guy who graduated from Harvard. The whole book series was designed to show college students and parents how to find money to pay for college. Come to find out the author was the restaurant owner’s son. This is a classic example of the Millionaire Messenger in action.

    Why is this important to me?

    I am not doing this summary to waste your time. It is my vision to provide concise action steps that you can adopt right now to enhance your life. The best way to financial freedom is through a business. Now most people cannot simply quit their jobs and to start a new business. Typically you need to work your job and your new business until you have enough sustainable revenue to take your business full time. The Expert Industry is a caring community of people who share their advice and knowledge with the world and get paid for it.

    You may be thinking I am not an expert in anything. This mindset has everything to do with Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence. Brendon addresses these concerns in the book. Think about this – every person has a unique finger print and unique life experiences. Those experiences with additional research can yield you an expert.

    I want to start with a potential example of being an expert in something. I have a good friend of mine that has been doing cement work for over 20 years. He does this with his four brothers. He does not think of himself as an expert. Have you ever considered how successful Home Depot is as business? They cater to the do it yourself community. My friend could simply film different cement jobs and sell them as a do it yourself venture. It would look like this:

    1. Create simple how to videos on the basics and give them away for free.

    2. Create a deeper video series on how to do a full patio, sidewalk or stairs and sell it with a checklist manual.

    3. Offer paid for consulting for job layouts with customers.

    4. Take high priced large concrete jobs that are above the do it yourself community and name your price.

    This is a simple example of releasing 100 years of combined cement expertise that could easily be parlayed into a seven figure business model.

    The Millionaire Messenger is packed with great how to advice. For the sake of time, I am going to chat about the 9 reasons you should consider unlocking your knowledge and passion in the expert business.

    1. Your work is based entirely on your passion and knowledge. This is really important because it no longer seems like work when you wake up each morning doing what you love.

    2. Relating and Creating – Your work activities center around gaining trust and relating to your audience as well as creating useful content that add real value to their lives.

    3. Anytime / Anywhere – Creating information how to products allows you the comfort of working on your schedule from anywhere. I can tell you from personal experience that setting up your business to do this one great step toward personal freedom.

    4. Work with who you want – This is a big deal because stress statistics show that stress related illness is interconnected with who you work with or bad working relationships in general.

    5. Promotions based on promos – The amount of money you make is directly related to the promotional efforts you put into marketing your content. This is all up to you and your work ethic.

    6. Pay equals value – This is the strongest and most relevant point in the book. If you deliver great value, people will pay you for it and you can decide what to charge. You are not trading hours of your life for dollars.

    7. Small Teams – You do not need a big team to do this. You can outsource several of these steps so that your payroll does not spiral out of control. There are information marketers that make millions of dollars a year with very little staff.

    8. Tools are cheap – Technology today really is cheap. There are so many excellent software packages that are free that you can craft your whole infrastructure for next to nothing.

    9. Financial Income can beat that of other industries. There are six ways to market your stuff and each has a different price point. The best business models are summed up in one phrase – “one to many”. Creating something once and selling it over and over is the true key to unlocking the wealth puzzle.

    The Millionaire Messenger is a good book that will give you the direction you need and the questions required to get you on the path to personal wealth and freedom.

    I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit. Habits form in as little as 21 days. One thing you can take away from this book is one to many. When crafting your business model or tweaking an existing model, remember to leverage the power of “one to many.” In our software business, we create a software module once and sell it many times. This is how Microsoft and Oracle generate billions of dollars each year.

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    Source by Joe Mosed

    Views: 0

  • Ten Ways to Strengthen Your Reading Habit

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    Most people wish they read more. It is an activity that is both fun and enlightening. It can help us be more knowledgeable and successful. However, it is an activity that many people don’t engage in very much. According to the 1999 National Household Education Survey, 50% of the U.S. population aged 25 and over read a newspaper at least once a week, read one or more magazines regularly, and had read a book in the past 6 months. What does this mean? It means that 50% of the population hasn’t read a book in the last six months! Looking at the other end of the spectrum, research shows that if you read ten books a year, you are in the top few percent of all people as readers. Simply stated, it doesn’t take much to be well read, but we do need to know how to get started. The following are ten suggestions to help you strengthen your reading habit – ways to find and make more time for reading. 1. Always have a book around. Don’t go anywhere without reading material. Keep magazines or short stories in your bathroom. Always have something in your briefcase to read. Keep a book(s) by your bed. Having things available makes it easier for you to steal otherwise lost moments. 2. Set a reading goal. Determine how much time you want to spend reading, or how many books you want to read over time. Your goal might be a book a month, one per week, or it might be to read 30 minutes a day. Start out with something attainable but still a stretch. As your habit builds, you might set higher goals. Setting a goal is the first step towards reading more. 3. Keep a log. Keep a list of the books you have read, or keep track of how much time you read each day. You might keep these lists in your journal or your day planner. My son’s log is on our refrigerator. My list and log are kept on my computer. It doesn’t matter where you keep it, just do it. 4. Keep a list. Make a list of things you want to read in the future. Ask your friends and colleagues what they are reading. Watch for recommendations in the newspaper and magazines. Once you start looking for good books, you’ll find them everywhere. This is a great way to keep your enthusiasm up. By knowing what great stuff you want to read, you will reinforce your reading habit. 5. Turn off the television. Many people say they just don’t have enough time. Television is one of our major time consumers. Make your television watching more conscious and less habitual. There is nothing wrong with watching television shows you really enjoy. Where the time gets lost is turning it on, and scanning to find “something to watch.” Those are the times to turn it off and pick up your book! 6. Listen when you can’t read. Use your commute and other time spent in the car to listen! There are great audio versions of all sorts of books. Whether you want to “read” fiction, the latest self-help or diet book, it is probably available on tape. Don’t get locked into the idea that you have to read it – listening to the book still gives you the experience, ideas, and imagination that reading a book can. 7. Join a reading group or book club. Reading groups typically meet once a month to discuss a book they have all decided to read. Committing to the group provides a bit more impetus to finish the book, and gives you a great forum for discussion and socialization around the book’s themes. 8. Visit the library or bookstore often. You have your list, right? So you’ll have some ideas of what you are looking for when you walk in. But there is more to be gained by walking through places where books reside than just to make a transaction. Take time to browse! Let your eyes find things of interest. Let serendipity happen. Browsing will feed your mental need to read, and give you plenty of new things to read. 9. Build your own strategy. Decide when reading fits your schedule. Some people read first thing in the morning, some before bed. Some decide to read as they eat their lunch. And there is more to your strategy than just timing. Make your own decisions about reading. It is OK to be reading more than one book at once. It is OK to stop reading something before you finish if it isn’t holding your interest. It is OK to skim the book, getting what you want or need, without reading every page. Determine what works best for you, develop your own beliefs and ideas–then make them work for you. 10. Drop Everything and Read. My son’s fourth grade class has DEAR (Drop Everything and Read) time. When the teacher calls for it, that’s just what they do. They read now. That is my last piece of advice for you. Do it. Just get started. Make it DEAR time. Now.

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    Source by Kevin Eikenberry

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  • Mindset = Being Organized

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    I think we can all agree that we hate clutter. We hate it so much we pretend it doesn’t exist. Sometimes we even hide ourselves from the world because we’re afraid of what others may think about us because of it. Being unorganized or having a home full of clutter, which we hate to admit, is thankfully something we can overcome. From experience, all it takes is patience, vulnerability and an open mind to achieve what we want in our homes and in our lives.

    Today I’m going to give you 5 simple and modern-day tips on how to change your mindset so you can become more organized.

    TIP #1: Start small

    For some reason our brains are wired to believe that we MUST complete an entire project at once. Have you ever wondered why none of your tasks or projects ever gets done on time? I bet one of the reasons may be because the project you took on was way to BIG to complete and because you were so overwhelmed, you failed to finish. Not anymore! By starting small, whether it is organizing your pen cup to completing a major project, you will avoid the stress of fulfilling that task and find yourself finishing quickly and punctually.

    TIP #2: Listen to organizing podcasts

    One of the best things you can do in the morning or as you’re driving is to stimulate your mind by listening to things that arouse your mental and physical growth. I’ve noticed in my own life and others around me that doing so has made a world of positive change in our lives. Organizing podcasts like Organize 365 or A Slob Comes Clean are 2 podcasts that have kept me motivated in times when I was lacking. One of the secrets to truly changing your lifestyle is to change our mentality and by incorporating these simple methods in your life, you will get there in no time.

    TIP #3: Create a Checklist

    This may sound cliché but to-do lists really do work – of course only if you use them. As I mentioned above, clutter is a bi%#* and in order to combat it, you will have to tackle it head on in small intervals. Here are 2 examples how checklists can be effective in helping you stay organized. 1) By using a checklist to plan out the tasks you need to accomplish at home after work, will prevent you from being overwhelmed after a stressful day 2) An effective checklist will only have your priority tasks therefore you will know exactly what needs to be done to maintain order. Checklist, lists, to-do list, plans, whatever you want to call them is a habit that needs to be implemented in your life so getting organized and staying organized can become second nature.

    TIP #4: Keep things you Truly Love

    Here are a few common responses I’ve heard when it comes to this topic:

    I love everything in my home and there’s no way I can get rid of anything! All of my stuff has a meaning behind them! Here’s a better one. I’ve spent so much money and I haven’t even worn it yet! – But it’s been 2 years…

    These are just a few examples of statements my clients have said to me when I’d suggest they should only keep things in their home they truly loved. Let me explain what this really means. Lets start with an example. We love our family (our immediate family) and though we may have favorites (wink) we love them so unconditionally that we couldn’t live a day without them. This is the type of feeling I believe you should have for the items in your home. You love your pen so much; the mere thought of it not being in your possession is utter mayhem. If you don’t have this feeling towards the items in your home then it’s probably time to part ways with it. I’d be happy to witness the department!

    TIP #5: Make it a Habit

    New studies show it takes 2-8 months to form a new habit. I know that seems like an abnormal amount of time – at least to getting organized but this is actually great news. Creating new habits shouldn’t be viewed as one and done rather as a process that will create a better outcome. Committing to an organizing system and practicing it thoroughly, though you may have hiccups, will create a positive mind and improve your organizing skills.

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    Source by Judi Igwe

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  • Dealing With Emotional Triggers

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    I write this article because I realized that while going through a tough season in my life and going through the emotional healing process there were moments when out of nowhere something and even someone would say or do something unbeknownst to them that would set me on an emotional spiral because it triggered a negative memory or life moment gripped by strong emotions.

    Once the moment subsided I started wondering what I could do to not be undermined by emotional triggers in my life. It has a lot to do with your thought process which works with your emotions. I have been in the process of healing my soul and crucial to that process was dealing with how I think and how it was effecting my life. For the most part I am positive but a long season of growing pains had created a lot of woundedness in my soul. I made the decision not to see through my wounds anymore and to see from a healthy soul which begins with ridding myself of the negative thoughts that have been bombarding me. To do so I began with prayer and seeking God for the wisdom and solution to deal with the hurt in my soul. Below are the solutions that has and continue to work for me. I am wired to be productive so this is incorporated into my day and what I will do for that day

    1) Pray and get quiet within yourself to hear the answer

    2) Once the answer comes stay committed to the healing process. It will take time to heal in your soul.

    3) Stay Diligent it takes 21 days to establish a new habit, and 90 days to become a way of life.

    4) I listen to and watch positive teaching on thinking and healing my soul daily.

    5) I wake up praying and then listening to teaching on the radio to replace negative thoughts and self talk with faith filled thoughts & words

    6) I Listen to worship music and worship God through song, I also listen to soothing music without lyrics sometimes. This creates an environment of peace conducive for my soul to heal.

    7) On hard days press in harder and don’t stop the healing process.

    8) It is crucial to guard your eyes, ears, and heart.

    9) Negative things do happen and it’s important how you manage your emotional response

    10) Believe in yourself and make the decision to not line up with a negative perspective and choose to see the good

    For example there is a great worship song that was sung at my sisters home going service and on a Sunday in church the song was sung. I began to come unglued emotionally inside but no one around me knew I was struggling and I wanted to run but The Holy Spirit reassured me I will be alright with a comforting peace. I just started saying Hallelujah to calm myself and stay focused on the worship. Till this day I can no longer hear that song but learning how to manage the trigger. My Pastor A. R. Bernard taught us that it will take twelve pieces of positive information to replace one piece of negative information. Yes it is a battle but worth fighting to be free indeed, healed and whole in your soul.

    This sums it up when dealing with Triggers… It’s crucial to Breathe properly to help calm yourself and gather your thoughts to respond and not react to your triggers

    Quote: Take a breath. Pause. Iyanla Vanzant

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    Source by Jana Hicks

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  • Compulsive Skin Picking: Habit Reversal Training

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    Often people are seen picking at scabs, blemishes or dry skin. However, there is another form of picking that adopts a more sinister obsessive nature — one that results in not being able to resist the urge or need to pick at certain parts of the skin. This condition is medically known as Dermatillomania or Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP). Only recently has CSP started to become recognized as a serious disorder, as the numbers of reported sufferers continues to steadily increase.

    Skin picking often occurs as an impulsive reaction. There have been numerous cases that suggest many of the sufferers remain unaware that they are in fact picking at blemishes or dry scabs, while others have claimed that it produces a feeling of comfort and satisfaction.

    Treatments for compulsive skin picking generally include medical treatments as well as behavioral treatments. One behavioral method is known as habit reversal training. In its simplest form, habit reversal training involves monitoring and tracking of your skin picking habit and then replacing your behavior with a competing response that you choose to do in place of your undesirable behavior.

    The first step is to keep a diary that captures key information about your skin habit. You’ll want to get a notebook that you can record in, and keep it handy in the area(s) that you generally do your skin picking. In your diary you should record the date, time and behaviors for each time you pick your skin. You’ll want to be sure to record the circumstances in which you desire to pick. Does it happen when you are overstimulated and feeling stressed, anxious or excited? Or do you get the urge to pick when you are bored or inactive? You’ll want to record when the skin picking episodes occur, how long they last, what you were doing at the time, and what was your emotional state. Recording this information for a week or two can give you valuable insight into the triggers that lead up to your skin picking sessions.

    The next step in habit reversal training is to adopt a competing response. This involves choosing a different behavior that you choose to do instead of picking. For example, if you were going to pop a pimple or pick at your face, you could clench your fist or pinch your two index fingers away from your face as if popping an imaginary pimple. Personally, I like to do things at my computer where I have to use two hands typing rather than picking. Sometimes, I just play Solitaire or Sudoku just to keep my mind off of picking.

    Lastly, you should also do things that help reduce stress since this can often trigger picking episodes. Try breathing in deeply though your nose and exhaling out your mouth. Do this numerous times until you feel your body beginning to relax. You can use this as your competing response to avoid picking your skin.

    Try these examples of ways to reverse your habit and also experiment to personalize for yourself.

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    Source by Lisa B Mason

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Doesn’t Love Me As Much As I Love Him – Tips and Advice That Might Help

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    I often hear from wives who have some issues with whether their husbands are “in love” with them or not. And, if the husbands are, the wives often measure this love by degrees, as compared to how much the wife loves him. I often him comments like “my husband doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I make all of the concessions and advances in the relationship. He never makes any effort or shows me any attention or affection. It’s as if he merely tolerates me. He doesn’t ask me about my day or make any effort to engage with me. It’s like I’m someone who just merely coexists. On a scale of one to ten, I love him on a level that’s an eleven. And he loves me on a level that’s about a one.”

    I understand that this is a lonely and frustrating place to be. I experienced this in my own marriage and the way I handled this almost ended that same marriage. Through experience and research, it’s become pretty clear to me that there’s a right way and wrong way to handle this situation. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Score keeping Is Not The Best Idea For A Marriage. The Question Isn’t Which Spouse Loves The Other The Most: The Question Is Do Both Spouse’s Feel Loved?: I understand how depressing it feels when you suspect that you’re the only one who’s really “in love” or trying to keep the marriage afloat. But sometimes, wives focus so much on measuring how much their husband loves them against some imaginary yard stick that has few (if any) implications on real life. This doesn’t really do anything to change or improve their situation.

    I often tell wives to give up comparisons and worry instead about whether they’re feeling loved, wanted and valued. Obviously, the answer is most likely to be negative, but at least you’ve shifted your focus from score keeping to something on which you can take concrete action.

    It can also be very important to understand that men aren’t as demonstrative as women. So, expecting your husband to be a spouse that compares to you in terms of demonstrating their feelings may not be totally realistic. Very few husbands express their love and affection in the way that wives typically do. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love you enough. It just means that you’ll need to teach him how to express himself and you’ll need to encourage the behaviors that make you feel noticed, understood, and loved.

    Some wives tell me that they resent having to do all the work and having to train their husband to do something that he should just automatically do. These points are certainly valid. But, in my experience, it’s better to give a little in exchange for getting what you truly want than to remain angry, frustrated and indignant while you’re not getting your needs met. It’s important to address and fix this before you yourself begin to withdraw. Because when you have to spouses who are on the edge of indifference, this can leave the marriage in real trouble.

    When You’re Worried That Your Husband’s Lack Of Affection For You Means He’s Not Invested In The Marriage Or May Eventually Want Out: I often find that the wives who tell me that their husband’s don’t love them enough fall into two camps. The first is a situation where the marriage is probably really OK, but the husband has either gotten into the habit of not showing his affection or needs to relearn that lesson. This scenario is easier to fix.

    The second scenario is that the husband’s lack of affection is due to issues within the marriage or with his no longer being invested in it. This is the scenario which you often can not afford to ignore. Because often, his withdrawing from you is a symptom of a much bigger problem. So, attempting to teach a husband to show you the feelings that just aren’t there isn’t likely to work.

    Instead, you’ll need to examine why the feelings have left, fix and address the issue, and then reevaluate. This is likely easier said than done. Because in the same way that husband’s aren’t demonstrative, they also often don’t have a firm grip on their feelings and perceptions. They may well know that something is wrong and act upon it. But, unlike us, they don’t lay awake at night exploring and turning over the issue. They’re more reactive. When something is wrong, they withdraw and reshuffle their efforts instead of thinking about their feelings.

    They may not even be aware that they are doing this or even understand why they are doing it. And that can be one reason that they insist that nothing is wrong or that you’re imagining things. Since they haven’t pondered what the issue is (or even that it exists) you look like a real nag or complainer when you address the symptom of it. That’s why you’re often much better off just working and acting on your own (especially at first.)

    One of the biggest mistakes that I see many wives make is that they harp on a sensitive subject with an already distant and detached husband. So, they’re already on shaky ground and it’s clear he’s resistant, but they think that if they can just get him to “work” on solving the problem, things will get better. The problem with this is that he’s already begun to withdraw. He likely doesn’t want to “work” on the marriage, at least right now. You’ll have to return him to a point of being invested before you can gain any real ground.

    Most wives understand this deep down, but they hesitate or rush because they don’t know how to get their husbands to be receptive to them again. The key is often to take inventory of the marriage and see where the husband might not be getting what he wants and then to provide that without needing to have any large or painful discussions about the same.

    And, that’s a common place where wives get stuck. I often hear comments like “But how am I supposed to do this? I’m already the one whose providing all of the attention and affection and that’s not working either.” Often the question really isn’t the demonstrative affection (at least on the husband’s end.) The real issue is often the real connection, and the feeling of being truly heard, valued and understood. It’s also important that both parties know that no one is going through the motions, score keeping, nagging, or trying to manipulate the other.

    I often tell wives to focus on what they can do very genuinely and convincingly. Husbands know when you’re just putting on a show or trying to overcompensate for what is really the underlying problem. They don’t want more of the same. They don’t want to be manipulated. They often want real change and improvements instead of worrying about how things look on the outside.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • The Success Avoidance Syndrom

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    Life is full of ironies and paradoxes. One of the most amazing of these is the human tendency to cry for and cling to those things that hurt them. As one notable poet put it, “people run for their chains.” Is it not amazing that people generally dislike prisons, and yet it is a known fact that many former prisoners would rather be in prison than out of it? How many people out there are clinging to and crying for relationships, and yet they fully know that those same relationships are dysfunctional and leading nowhere?

    How many companies, individuals and nations are tenaciously holding onto solutions that have passed their sale by date? How many people desire to lose weight and to be in good health, and yet daily crave for and indulge in those behaviors that negate this aim? My proposition is that there are many. Perhaps the most debilitating human condition is the success avoidance syndrome. Put simply, people have this tendency to want and wish for success, and yet simultaneously unwittingly avoid the things that make for success. They desire success but hasten their feet towards failure. Below is a synopsis of the traits of the success avoiding individual.

    o Risk Avoidance.

    Many people want to succeed in life but they are averse to risk. However, the very nature of success is that the greater the risk involved the greater the rewards. Every opportunity carries within it a certain amount of risk. To try is to risk failing; to propose is to risk being turned down; to love is to risk heartbreak; to advance is to risk repulsion and resistance; to lead is to risk criticism and being cartooned; to express yourself is to risk appearing a fool; to seek profits is to risk making losses; to put your views to the public (like I am doing now) is to risk being ridiculed; to trust people is to risk being disappointed; to be yourself is to risk being rejected; to be a copycat is to court frustration; to write an exam is to risk failure and disappointment; to communicate is to risk being misunderstood, to buy something is to risk dissatisfaction and dissonance; to get an insurance policy is to risk paying for a service that may never become necessary.

    It is true that risk is often uncomfortable. However, the alternative which is failure, frustration and underachievement is even worse. Not only is the alternative very discomfiting, but it is also painful. Any risk minimization strategy is therefore actually a success reduction mechanism. A faint heart never wins a fair lady, and there is no crown for the coward. It is that simple. The winners know that the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. After all to be alive is to risk dying some day and we will all die, so what is the big deal?

    Before we leave the subject of risk it is important to underline that there is a big difference between taking risks and taking gambles. To gamble is to put oneself at the mercy of fate and chance. With gambling one has no influence over the outcome at all and a good example is lottery. However, when one takes risk one does not become a prisoner of fate but remains a participator in a process in which the success is not guaranteed, but the chances thereof can be influenced by one’s own decisions and actions. There is no self determination with gambling, but the risk taker retains some control.

    o Failure Avoidance

    The person obsessed with avoiding failure learns to do nothing. It is only that person that never does anything, that never makes mistakes. In truth there is no effort without shortcomings. However, action is a progenitor of success and it follows logically that the person who never engages in meaningful and serious action by this very act of omission avoids success. Activity, of course is not to be confused with progress, but there can never be progress without activity. Failure avoidance is success avoidance. Period.

    Failure avoidance is a learnt habit. Research indicates that families, companies and environments replete with criticism, cynicism, pessimism, threats of punishment and motivation by fear are a good breeding ground for failure avoiders. To the contrary affirmation, recognition, acknowledgement, praise, reward and encouragement constitute the diet of the success pursuers. Creativity and innovation cannot co-habit with fear of failure and punishment.

    The failure avoiders are regulated by their fear of failure, but the winners are inspired by their dreams. In most cases the failure avoiders keep fresh the memories of their past failures, catastrophes, fiascos and heartbreaks. Their minds are filled with imaginations of pain and failure and negative outcomes. They always fear and expect the worst. They think in terms of and look for limits, but the winner thinks in terms of and looks for opportunities.

    The loser is therefore always running away from limits, while the winner is running towards opportunity. The winner recognizes that limits and opportunities are one and the same thing. The difference lies in the eye of the beholder and how he chooses to interpret what he sees. The failure avoider sees the challenges as stumbling blocks to be avoided but the winner sees them as stepping stones to be embraced and utilized. In truth every challenge brings with it an opportunity to grow, but it is easy to miss this opportunity if one sees it as a burden, problem or disappointment.

    What have you been avoiding all your life and of late? What have you been hesitating to do? Is it a conversation, telephone call or important decision? Whatever it is, take time to reflect on whether your avoidance does not constitute success avoidance. To be continued, expect some more.

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    Source by George Chingarande

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  • Breaking Bad Habits – 5 Simple Steps for Changing a Habit

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    “Good habits are hard to develop but easy to live with” and “Bad habits are easy to develop but hard to live with”, according to Brian Tracey, a well-known motivational teacher. You may recognize that to successfully manage habit changes, breaking bad habits may be required in order to develop new ones.

    Breaking bad habits takes at least 21 days. Of course, in difficult cases, it can take as long as a year. Here’s an example of the process of how to change an unhealthy habit to a healthy habit. Suppose you’ve decided that coffee is not good for you and right now, you drink coffee with sugar daily. The new habit you would like to institute is to drink herbal tea without sugar.

    At first, it may be challenging to break the bad habit of drinking coffee. You will have to use self-discipline for the first few weeks but gradually it will get easier. Once you are able to change the old habit to a new healthier one, it will serve you very well. Habits are remarkable because they don’t require thinking. You just “do it” for years until you find yourself changing the habit again.

    Here are 5 easy steps for changing habits:

    1. Awareness: You must become aware of your habits. What is this habit exactly? How is this bad habit or group of bad habits affecting you? How is this habit affecting others? For example, smoking often has negative effects on others as well as on you.

    2. Wanting to Change: As someone with a health problem, you must decide that breaking bad habits through a conscious effort is a worthy goal. You must convince yourself that the change in the habit is worth the effort involved.

    3. Commitment: You must be determined to do whatever it takes for breaking bad habits so that you can better control your life. You make a decision that “no matter what” you will change the habit. You do the work required to stop. Here are some examples of habits you might want to change: Smoking, eating too much, eating processed foods, not exercising, drinking coffee or other beverages with caffeine in them, eating too much sugar or fat, drinking alcohol, procrastinating, etc.

    4. Consistent Action: It is important to focus on changing just one habit at a time. Then, take consistent daily actions for breaking the bad habit that has been causing problems and take the actions to develop a new one. We suggest doing this process one step at a time rather than trying to do it all at once. Sometimes changing a habit can be done “cold turkey” like smoking and sometimes it works better to make a gradual change.

    Be sure to give yourself positive rewards often for taking small actions toward changing a bad habit. Continual day-by-day actions are what are critical. This is NOT about an occasional action or step. It is about being consistent every day.

    5. Perseverance: There will be times when you question whether it is all worth it. You’ll say to yourself that breaking these bad habits is too difficult; that you are too “weak” to change. Your old self, often so comfortable living with the bad habits, is trying to hold on. Breaking your old patterns may require meditation and prayer.

    Visualize regularly the rewards for following through and the costs of not following through on breaking the bad habits and especially the value to your future of building new better habits.

    Get support from others, especially other people who want to make changes in their lives and read about people who have been successful in breaking bad habits. Affirm that, no matter what, you will not backslide into your old bad habit patterns.

    Now, you are armed with a 5-step process for breaking any bad habit or other condition that requires changing. If you have an addiction to something such as alcohol, these steps alone may not be enough. You may require additional professional help or a support group, but for most cases this 5-step process will do the trick!

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    Source by T Mcdonald

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  • Jeffrey Archer’s "Old Love" Redefines Love Story

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    The “Old Love” of Jeffrey Archer is a unique amorous tale between two brilliant students of English literature from Oxford. Archer makes an exploration of the theme of love from a completely unusual standpoint. The rendition is fiercely honest while he portrays a chronic sense of envy and rivalry between two sworn arch-rivals in the Oxford University: William Hatchard and Philippa Jameson. Initially, their aggressive competition unsettles their tutor Simon Jakes. In their constant intellectual debates, Philippa confronted the deep, confident voice of William with her high-heeled boldness. The mutual hatred was absolute. Their sharply perceptive and analytical mind refused to be submissive to each other. Indeed, this fierce sense of competition enabled them to outshine everyone else in the field. Given the background of 1930’s she, to him, was “that silly woman” and he “that arrogant man”. Yet strange is the way of destiny that an unusual love story should blossom between the bitterest of academic rivals!

    This rivalry assumed an unpalatable intensity when both excelled as toppers in their final degree exam. The Charles Oldham Shakespeare’s essay writing competition fed fat to this fire of passionate jealousy and became a life and death question for each to defeat the other.There were liberal exchanges of scornful remarks between the two to play each other down. However, things took a dramatic turn when William unwittingly discovered about the death of Philippa’s father (who was a Vicar) from cancer, and also, his secret dream to let his daughter study in Oxford and win the Charles Oldham award. The sight of silent sobbing of his proud and powerful adversary stirred up a sudden feelings of empathy in his guts. He got over his tentative doubts and offered to accompany her to her village for the burial ceremony. They held hand for the first time and discovered the new bond of friendship as they started their journey to her village. They communicated with each other spontaneously while returning to Oxford which bounces Philippa back to her normal competitive spirit. She slowly discovers the growth of her new found intense attraction for William. The latter secretly enjoys this interesting conversion in the Vicar’s daughter.

    The transformation of hatred into love has always been a captivating subject in itself, and Archer makes the situation entertaining with the employment of sparkling wit in their conversation. They make a visit to Stratford and have meals together. But their first date was far from usual: it is a unique blend of warmth and intellectual antagonism! If this instinctive antagonism triggered a strong sense of hatred before, now it drew them closer. In fact, this killer instinct became a delirious source of entertainment for both. Archer makes the reader question if intense hatred could indeed be an expression of hidden attraction?

    Anyway, the situation takes a quirky turn while returning from Stratford. On their way back to Oxford, Phillipa and William had to spend the night in a car as the petrol gauge showed empty. The former obviously did not miss the chance of expressing her doubt about the cerebral power of a person who couldn’t even read a petrol gauge! The day next William gave her the reason why he let the car run out of petrol: He said with a rare sense of humor: “My father told me if I spent the night with a barmaid then I should simply order an extra pint of beer, but if I spent the night with the vicar’s daughter, I would have to marry her.” He came down on his knees and said,” Will you marry me if I win the Charles Oldham?” Philippa answered that “as there is absolutely no fear of that happening I can safely say, yes… ” When William declared his love for her she told him not to show his face in Somerville again if he failed to win Charles Oldham. The readers wonder if the writer reveals Philippa’s secret wish that she could marry himeven at the cost of losing Charles Oldham! Otherwise why would tears come to Philippa’s eyes when a girl informed her that she had won? It was a moment of crisis for her because between the conflicting emotion of ambition and love in her heart, the latter had won and for once the proud girl confessed, “I do love nothing in the world so well as you; is that not strange?”

    However, when she discovered that William was a joint winner, her puckish spirit returned as she said ” I take thee for pity” to which William replied ” I yield upon great persuasion… ” They were locked in a passionate embrace, and after that, they were never apart for more than a few hours. Strangely, their honeymoon in Athens ended up in a heated argument over the relative significance of Doric and Ionic architecture!

    Later in life, this constant battle of wit prevented their romance from dwindling into boredom and banality. Their serious research works and creative activities, though on different fields, kept them deeply connected. After three years, “with well-received D. Phils”, they moved on, in tandem, to college teaching. But their fierce encounters continued and their sharp wit at each other’s expense would flash across the dinner tables at Oxford. However, those who understood their love felt envious of their unique relationship! They were childless yet their life was not tasteless.

    Returning home after the celebration dinner (being declared the Joint Professor), their heated argument over Proust’s monumental work took such an intimidating turn, that a policeman, nearby, asked Philippa “Is everything all right madam?” “No, it is not”, William declared “this woman has been attacking me for over 30 years, and to date the police have done deplorably little to protect me”. Yet, beneath this apparent antagonism, their bond continued to grow stronger with each passing year. Interestingly, their intense love was inseparable from their zealous intellectual antagonism which lent a peculiar aura to their relationship. When Philippa was made the Dame of the British Empire, William referred to her as an “Old Dame” he had to live with now. It is this bitter-sweet flavor of their love which defines their marriage.

    The most irritable habit of Philippa to William was her determination each morning to complete “The Times” crossword before he arrived at the breakfast table. One fine morning in June, William, studying the clue, filled in the eight boxes left incomplete by Philippa. Philippa’s instantly retorted that there was no such word. To the delight of Philippa the word “Whym Wham” could not be found in the shorter Oxford Dictionary. William assured her that the word could be found in OED on his desk, made for scholars like him. William left the breakfast table with sharp comments on Philippa’s limited command of English language and that she will have to eat a humble pie at Somerville’s Gaudy Feast as she reads the collected works of John Skelton…

    William left with a sigh, kissing his wife on her cheek, wishing he had lost Charles Oldham. Philippa replied that he did indeed because it was highly inappropriate during those days to declare a woman as the sole winner! Having closed the front door, as she entered the kitchen, Dame Philippa suddenly suffered her lone heart attack. She called out to William hoarsely but in vain. The news of her death was conveyed and the story ends with a note of dark humor in the suicidal note of Sir William (who shot himself with his pistol): “Forgive me, but I had to let her know”. There was the volume of the work of John Skelton held open in one of his hand with the word “Whym Wham” underlined neatly, his fingers stiff and cold around it. Such weird ending, subtly hints at the essence of special relationship this couple shared so that they rise above the great marriage vow “TILL DEATH DO US PART.” Archer’s love story excels because death could not part Sir William and Dame Philippa! Even while following his wife to her grave, William felt the need to camouflage the inseparable bond they shared, and the insufferable loneliness he would feel without her… he does it with a wry sense of humor!

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    Source by Mandira Mazumder

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