Healing involves integrating our fragmented parts into the entirety of our being. However, the paradox is: we are not broken but merely disassociated from our wholeness. The term healing denotes restoring what is not functioning as it is intended. When we are caught up in the distorted beliefs about ourselves, it leads to separation or what we consider being broken. In fact, it is merely being separated from the completeness of our true nature. Think in terms of a hologram where the whole is contained in every part. This was an idea espoused by the late theoretical physicist David Bohm who believed the universe is a solid and brilliant hologram. He recognized how each part of our physical reality contained information about the whole. Therefore, our thoughts, emotions, soul and physical body are composed of our soul nature.
How does this idea appeal to you? Are you comfortable knowing whilst you were born whole and pure, through your beliefs, thoughts and experiences it leads to separation? I'm not suggesting it is entirely your fault because we are all bound to experience this. It is said, while our painful experiences are not our fault, healing the pain is our responsibility. Although there's an element of truth to it, we ought to remember there is nothing to heal other than to attend to our unconscious memories in order to return to wholeness. By attending to these aspects, we integrate our known sense of separateness. Release and Renew is a mantra I often repeat in my writing when I discuss healing and emotions. In doing so, we release that which is not conducive to the present moment. Similarly, we renew our commitment to nurture ourselves by connecting with our core emotions. The integration I speak of is an association with our soul nature, which at its essence is pure, whole and knows nothing of separateness or brokenness. It is the egoic mind which disconnects us from our spiritual self to create two identities ie the darkness and the light.
How To Heal Your Fragmented Parts
I am drawn to a passage by the South African author Michael Brown, who writes in The Presence Process : "I dropped my use of the word" heal "because of its connotation that something was wrong and had to be fixed. using the word "integrate," which to me meant there was a part of my experience that was unconscious- a part of my experience that I resisted, controlled, and sedated-which was asking to be incorporated into the whole.Whereas healing felt like I was excluding something from my experience, integration felt like I was embracing everything I experienced . " I believe Brown makes two important points here: we mustn't resist nor control the past, but perceive them as the whole of our life's experience. Second, integration means to embrace or at the very least acknowledge everything that happened to us. Perhaps not right away, but when we are ready to make peace with the past.
What are your thoughts about this? I realize you may have questions related to your personal experiences. Whilst I am not present to answer them, I assure you trying to make sense of them consciously is a healing process rather than an integration process. It is what author Dr. Mario Martinez means when he writes in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success : "The true agents of change are elevated cognitions and exalted emotions. These agents of change provide sustain transformation; in fact, they have triumphed over the greatest infamies and darkest periods in our human journey. " It does little good to dwell on why the past took place as it did. Instead, we ought to turn the tables and consider the following questions as a basis for self-enquiry. Instead of trying to make sense of the past which keeps us trapped replaying painful memories, we identify how the experiences served us.
How can I use the past to facilitate my greater growth?
In what ways can I use my emotional wounds to bring peace and love to the part of me that is pure and whole?
How can I integrate my sense of separateness into the wholeness of my being?
Whom do I need to become and let go of to achieve this inner state?
Once we can perceive the pain of the past through the lens of: compassion, forgiveness, peace and love we heal our fragmented parts. It may involve deep exploration into ourselves with or without the guidance of a trained therapist. Considering this, I'd like you to spend the following week journaling your answers to the four questions above. Call it a remote coaching session if you like. Write what comes to mind even if it involves images or symbols. Similarly, pay attention to your dreams via the symbols that appear. Note how you feel within the dream and upon waking. Look for messages in your waking life in the form of people, places and situations that cause you unrest. This is your soul guiding you towards integration. Ultimately, to heal ourselves we must be willing to integrate the pain of the past, so healing happens naturally as nature intended it to.
1. Apologize. An apology makes the angry customer feel heard and understood. It diffuses and anger and allows you to begin to re-establish trust. Not only that, but pilot studies have found that the mere act of apologizing has reduced lawsuits, settlement, and defense costs. You need to apologize to customers regardless of fault. Certainly, the apology needs to be carefully worded. Here’s an example of a sincere, yet careful apology:
“Please accept my sincere and unreserved apology for any inconvenience this may have caused you.”
2. Kill Them Softly With Diplomacy. This simple phrase has never failed me: “Clearly, we’ve upset you and I want you to know that getting to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you.” When you say this, anger begins to dissipate. You’ve addressed the anger directly and non defensively and you haven’t been pulled into the drama of the attack.
3. Go into Computer Mode. To use Computer Mode you take on the formalities of a computer. You speak generally, without emotion, and you don’t take the bait your angry or difficult customer is throwing you. Your words, tone, and attitude are completely impersonal and neutral – (Think of the automated response system you speak to when you call your wireless phone company or bank.)
This “computer mode” response deflects, diffuses, and disarms angry customers because you don’t add fuel to the fire by giving your difficult customer what they want -an emotional reaction. When you don’t take the bait, the difficult customer is forced to stop dead in their tracks. And that means you regain control (and confidence).
The Computer Mode Approach In Action
Let’s say your customer says:
“You don’t give a d*** about customers. Once you get a customer locked into a contract, the service aspect is over.”
While it may be tempting to fuel the fire with an equally hostile response such as “What’s your problem, creep?”
Don’t take the bait. If you do take the bait, the situation will only escalate and nothing productive or positive will result. A computer mode response might look like this:
“I’m sure there are some people who think we don’t care about servicing customers.”
“People get irritated when they don’t immediately get the help they need.”
“It’s very annoying to experience a delay in service response.”
“Nothing is more distressing than feeling like you’re being passed around when all you want is help.”
And then you stop -like a locked up computer.
No matter how uncomfortable the verbal abuse is or how ridiculous it becomes, continue to respond without emotion. This tactic works because it is neutral, doesn’t take the bait, and because it is unexpected. The difficult customer wants to throw you off, make you lose control, and to get you to respond emotionally. When you fail to do each of these things, you actually regain control.
Go into “computer mode” the next time you’re faced with verbal abuse from an irate or unreasonable customer, and I promise you, you’ll quickly regain control —and you’ll have fun with the process.
4. Give this question a shot: “Have I done something personally to upset you?… I’d like to be a part of the solution.” Of course, you know you haven’t done anything to upset the customer. You ask this question to force the angry customer to think about his behavior. Often, the mere asking of this question is enough to get the ballistic customer to begin to shift from the right brain to the left brain, where he can begin to listen and rationalize.
5. Show empathy – Empathy can be a powerful tool used to disarm an angry customer and show that you genuinely care about the inconvenience the customer has experienced. Expressing empathy is also good for YOU, as it helps you truly begin to see the problem from the customer’s perspective/and this perspective will help keep you from losing your cool when your customer gets hot. By letting customers know that you understand why they are upset, you build a bridge of rapport between you and them.
Here are some phrases that express empathy:
o “That must have been very frustrating for you.”
o “I realize the wait you encountered was an inconvenience.”
o “If I were in your shoes, I’m sure I’d feel just as you do.”
o “It must have been very frustrating for you have waited five days for your order and for that I am sorry.”
6. And finally, here’s a tip that works like magic. …. Show appreciation for the difficult person’s feedback. After your difficult customer has ranted and raved, you can regain control of the conversation by interjecting—not interrupting, but interjecting to thank them for taking the time to give you feedback. You can say something like:
Thanks for being so honest.
Thanks for taking the time to let us know how you feel.
We appreciate customers who let us know when things aren’t right.
Thanks for caring so much.
The reason this tip works so effectively is because the last thing your irate or unreasonable customer expects is for you to respond with kindness and gratitude. It’s a shock factor and many times you’ll find that your customer is stunned silent and this is exactly what you want. When the customer is stunned into silence, you get in the driver’s seat and steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go.
When you do these things you’ll find that being on the receiving end of verbal abuse doesn’t have to be threatening or intimidating. You can come across as confident, composed and strong…and most importantly, you’ll regain control of the conversation.
With so many relationships breaking down and such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce it's no wonder that many of us will, at some point, end up back on the dating scene.
We may be older and wiser, a little battered and bruised, but often, once we're ready to date again, thinking about rejoining the fray, we'll be harboring the fantasy of meeting someone special. Back on the dating scene means being optimistic, hopeful and looking forward to finding love again.
What do we need to consider when we're back on the dating scene?
– Our previous relationship experiences may have scarred our view and made us wary of what might go wrong. We may be keen to meet someone new but are nervous of trusting again. Cynicism of others' motives and being uncertain of our own instincts after getting it wrong may be sensible forms of self-protection, but if we treat all new dates with apprehension they will quickly sense our hesitancy and lack of enthusiasm. It's not going to bode well if we're on permanent alert, suspicious of their comments, behavior or intentions.
Counseling and hypnotherapy can be a useful start to the healing process and a good way to deal with past upsets. Therapy can help us to improve our confidence, self-esteem and remedy unwanted habit patterns, so becoming more assertive in an appropriate adult way. Don't forget that most potential dates will have their own story too, with their concerns, unease and fears. Starting out, second time around, can be a cautious time for both.
– This can be a good time to do things that boost your confidence. Maybe your wardrobe, make up or grooming regime need a refresh. Small changes can make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself and often cost very little to implement. Pay attention to current affairs, popular TV and local events so that you can easily join in conversations and offer relevant opinions. Think about picking up a hobby or interest, volunteering or joining a course. Exams don't have to be a factor!
– You may have to deal with children who are not too impressed at the thought of you dating again. They may have been through the damage of the breakup, witnessed the pain of the divorce and are used to you being around, more like your old self and always there for them. The thought of a new 'mum' or 'dad' arriving on the scene may fill them with horror.
Dependant on their age and awareness of the reasons for the breakup, they may have put your ex on a pedestal, especially if he or she is seen as the victim, all alone and struggling to recover. Giving you 'permission' to starting dating again might seem like a step too far and incredibly disloyal.
Children's jealousy, resentment and emotional blackmail may need to be navigated with kind but firm determination, especially if they refuse to share you or treat any potential serious new relationship with shock or disdain. Sometimes it's advisable to keep the fact that you're dating private until you're confident that this new relationship is right for you, even if that decision remains in place for months or even years, until the children are older or more settled.
And if they do insist on overseeing your love life it's important to refuse to allow yourself to be bullied by them. Older children are often determined to live their life on their terms, but equally they must allow you to do the same.
– Ageing, older parents can sometimes start to increase their demands just as you're ready to start back on the dating scene. They may be increasingly fragile and in need of greater levels of support. There may be concerns at leaving them unattended for too long, or that you could be called away at a moments notice. It could make the notion of dating again seem like too much hassle.
But supportive friends or the services offered by many local care agencies could potentially step into the breach and provide whatever level of support is required to help ease those concerns. And mobile phones make us all easily accessible.
– Friends too can send mixed messages. Sometimes at the outset, they may display great enthusiasm about getting you back on the dating scene. They may be keen to introduce you to single friends, arrange coffees, support you as you aim to lose a little weight and update your image. But then, if you become more committed to dating reality may sink in for them. The awareness that if you become serious about someone new and how it could significantly change your close, supportive relationship may hit them hard and prompt them to revise their approach.
Become aware of them starting to discourage you or of them regularly finding fault with your new love interest. Trust your gut and pay attention to any reasonable concerns they may have, but also appreciate that other people's perception of your date will be different to yours, especially if they're coming from a long-established, cozy, familiar relationship scenario.
Have some fun, take good care of yourself and enjoy getting back on the dating scene!
Am I mentally ill, could be the question? Every healthy person learns to ask such a question, as is the paradox that is health and ill-health.
Now, let’s be crystal clear about what this paradox is about. Let me use myself as an example. The times I have been most unhealthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I have lacked something very important – something critical for health. I lacked the capacity to see that I wasn’t healthy, and perhaps others knew it. I’m sure they did. I may have suspected something was wrong, but I would not at that time be able to pinpoint it. Eventually I might, and when I did, I would be on the cusp of recovery.
What is the clearest sign of mental health?
Insight.
It’s like being in mental health inpatient facility. The main indicator psychiatrists are looking for. Can the person perceive reality? Are they delusional? Is there grandeur? Of course, the purpose for admitting people to these hospitals is to give them time and treatment to come back to reality – to receive insight.
It’s a scary individual that does not have insight. Yet, the narcissist is one who seems fine – until you get close to them – but has a major lack of insight. They cannot see a single fault within themselves. And they may only ultimately agree they have something to change when they see there is some advantage coming to them for appearing humble.
Now, this is dangerous; to see yourself as unequivocally superior to others is bad for everyone. You cannot be corrected when you need to be, and others are not acknowledged for the goodness and attributes they have.
The person who has insight, however, sees the faults inside themselves, and they have copious humility to be able to see the wrong, the error, the mistakes they make; that we all make from time to time. They’re not fearful of exposure because they see what is wrong and they see that it is straightforward to attend to it and fix it.
There’s the paradox in all its glory: the one who thinks they’re perfect is unimaginably dangerously imperfect, because they cannot see their fault, yet the one who sees their imperfections might as well be perfect, for human intents and purposes.
If you want to know if you’re healthy, do you have the capacity for honesty?
Can you see what you need to be able to see? Not just for yourself, but for others, too.
Now, we can see that there are maladies of anxiety and depression that express themselves in many ways, but do not manifest in a lack of honesty. Comparatively, mental health is less of an issue, even if there is a lot of pain the person must wrestle with. This is not to say that their mental ill-health is any less important. Indeed, many times people can suffer mental ill-health because someone close to them has had narcissistic impact on them.
People who suffer depression and anxiety can often still have good relationships. Even with comparative mental ill-health they may often operate in such a way that others are benefactors relationally. They may often find ways of loving well despite what they suffer, which is an incredibly inspiring reality.
We see here that good mental health is not just about the struggles we have living our lives; it’s also how we treat other people. A mental health that impacts negatively on other people is of grave concern, because of how people can be damaged. Of course, there is, on the other hand, also the matter of how suicide damages those left behind. That can never be understated.
Or, perhaps we can see it this way: the person who may have no pain but has troubled relationships, and indeed may appear to be happy, even powerful, may be more mentally ill than the person who endures much pain but who serves and loves others to the end of good relationships.
The person who consistently puts others first has better mental health ultimately than the person who has no interest in or capacity for others.
Pain is inevitable throughout life although to carry it unnecessarily fuels suffering. Even though our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control. You’re no doubt reading this since you identified with the title, perhaps your own wounds or someone close to you has been hurt? Healing is a difficult and yet liberating journey of self-discovery. Forgiveness teaches us self-resiliency and self-reliance. It awakens us to a greater love and peace that resides within us.
It is why I am drawn to the words of the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle who wrote on his Instagram account recently: “If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside. If you cannot accept the external condition, accept the internal condition. This means: Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labelling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace. This is your crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension.” Tolle reminds us not to resist our pain but surrender to it in order to transform our suffering. I realise this advice goes against what people want to hear. I equate it to running towards a lion instead of fleeing for your life. Nevertheless, by facing our fears we allow pain to move through us and realise pain is not who we really are; it is an emotional state we have held on to and kept alive.
Beyond our pain lies an ever expansive love which at its essence is our true nature. Even though our wounds may not be our fault, our healing remains our responsibility. To heal means to accept what happened to us and discover our true selves through the healing process. Let me be very clear: acceptance does not mean we like what took place. It simply means to acknowledge the events and work towards healing ourselves of the pain associated with it. People might say: “I wish the event never occurred because I wouldn’t have to deal with the anguish, let alone the long road to recovery.” Whilst that may be true, if we believe everything happens for a reason, what if our pain is there to teach us self-compassion and forgiveness? Perhaps the lesson is not so much about the transgression that took place but how we love and nurture ourselves when we are wounded. How do you feel about this? I know it may be difficult to accept especially if your wounds are fresh. Let it sit for a while and try to see your situation through the lens of love and healing.
Dr. Mario Martinez, a clinical neuropsychologist, writes in The Mindbody Code: How To Change The Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, And Success that “When you’re wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness.” To reclaim our empowerment and worthiness once more, we must cross the threshold of pain and let go of our hurt and anguish. It’s essential you understand, I am not inviting you to forget, but to forgive yourself for being caught up what took place. Through the healing process, we restore any sense of shame, guilt and anger we inherited as a result of our wounds. Dr. Martinez further explains, instead of trying to forgive the perpetrator or minimise the events of the past, we should focus on re-establishing our sense of self which is more important: “Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you.”
What are your thoughts by now? Are you willing to take ownership of the past in the way you process it? There is rarely ever a right way to heal our wounds. Though, it requires courage to appreciate that our emotional wounds are not permanent and exist to awaken us to the loving presence within us. This presence can never be taken away or deprived through physical or nonphysical acts because at its essence, this is the foundation of who we are. As a result, we lean into this oneness of love, knowing like a net which supports a trapeze artist should they fall, we will be guided through our healing journey. Our priority is to nurture ourselves foremost through the eyes of kindness and compassion however painful our wounds may be. After all, the love within us is far greater than our wounds because it is the greatest purifier and healer there is.
The leadership of the National Assembly has faulted the way the Social Investment Programme of the Nigerian Government was being implemented and called for an enabling legislation in line with global best practices.
President of the Senate, Ahmad Lawan, and the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Femi Gbajabiamila, made their reservations about the scheme at a meeting on Tuesday with Minister of Humanitarian Affairs, Disaster Management and Social Development, Hajia Sadiya Umar Farouq, and top officials of the ministry.
Lawan and Gbajabiamila made it clear that the Social Investment Programme established in 2016 under the Presidency but which is now under the Ministry of Humanitarian Affairs, needed a reform to make it more efficient and effective.
In his opening remarks, Lawan said the National Assembly was interested in the current Intervention initiatives of the ministry particularly with respect to the disbursement aimed at assuaging the plight of poor Nigerians against COVID-19.
He said, “We feel that we need to work together with you to ensure that there is effectiveness, there is efficiency, that those who are supposed to benefit, benefit directly.
“I want to tell you that the majority of those who are supposed to benefit have no access to power. They have no access to Internet. They have no bank account, so no BVN.
“In fact, many of them don’t even have phones and these are the poorest of the poor. Yet, some of the conditions or guidelines which you set inadvertently leave them out.
“We believe that when we work together, the executive side of government and the National Assembly as representatives of the people, we will be able to reach more of these people who are in serious distress even before Coronavirus.”
Adding his voice to the issue, Gbajabiamila urged the minister to talk with the relevant committees and the National Assembly leadership on the best way to codify the scheme.
Originally broadcast live on 06 April 2020, the daily press briefing on coronavirus COVID-19, direct from WHO Headquarters, Geneva Switzerland with Dr Tedros WHO Director-General, Dr Micheal Ryan, Executive Director of the Health Emergencies Programme, and Dr Maria Van Kerkhove, Technical lead, WHO Health Emergencies Programme with special guests Lady Gaga and Hugh Evans, CEO and Co-founder of Global Citizen.
Transcript:
Speaker key:
TJ Tarik Jasarevic
TAG Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus
LG Lady Gaga
HE Hugh Evans
MR Dr Michael Ryan JA Jamie
MK Dr Maria Van Kerkhove KA Kai
KT Kate
IN Innocent
YA Yang
00:00:19
TJ Good evening to everyone from Geneva and WHO headquarters. Welcome to the regular press conference on COVID-19. Journalists who are online can ask their questions by clicking raise hand if you are
on Zoom. Today we have a special guest but I will let Dr Tedros do his opening remarks and introduce them. Before I give the floor to Dr Tedros, just to remind you, we will also be sending you some news from other
WHO offices around the world with the audio file from this press briefing a little bit later. I give the floor immediately to Dr Tedros.
00:01:07
TAG Good morning, good afternoon and good evening. The COVID-19 pandemic continues to take a heavy toll on families, communities and nations the world over but it’s also giving rise to incredible acts of generosity,
solidarity and co-operation. We have said consistently that we’re all in this together and we can only succeed together. We need an all- of-society approach with everyone playing their part. That includes people in the entertainment
industry.
Today I’m very delighted to be joined by one of the biggest names in entertainment in the world, Lady Gaga, and my friend Hugh Evans, the founder and CEO of Global Citizen.
WHO has been working with Global Citizen for several weeks on the Together At Home concert series with artists like Chris Martin and John Legend giving free online performances.
Now we’re working with Lady Gaga and Global Citizen to take this concept and make it even bigger through the One World Together At Home virtual global special on Saturday 18th April. It’s now my great pleasure to invite
Lady Gaga and Hugh Evans to say more about this very special event, One World.
00:03:10
LG Thank you very much, Dr Tedros. Good morning, good afternoon and good evening to everyone who’s listening and watching. I would like to thank the World Health Organization and the
United Nations as well as Global Citizen; thank you very much, Dr Tedros and Hugh Evans, for all of your leadership in this fight against COVID-19 and thank you very much to the World Health Organization for asking me to collaborate
with you on this special.
We are also very grateful to all of the healthcare professionals across the country and around the world who are on the front lines during COVID-19. This global pandemic is a catastrophe. I’m so thankful to them and I’m also
praying for those who are sick. It’s been a pleasure to partner with Global Citizen and we’ve been working all together behind the scenes to raise money for the World Health Organization.
I would also like to send my prayers as well to people that are losing their jobs and are having a hard time feeding themselves and their children. We are raising money for the World Health
Organization’s COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund and seven days ago we held a call with more than 68 corporate leaders from some of the world’s biggest and most generous companies and I asked them to join my corporate kindness
list as there have been many corporations and philanthropists that have been very, very generous during this time.
00:04:38
Since then we have also been calling on philanthropists around the world as well and tech companies included. I’d like to reiterate our deep gratitude to the medical community. My heart is very, very aching and warm for those
who are ER doctors as well as nurses who are sleeping in cars to make sure they don’t infect their families or their patients. What you’re doing is putting yourselves in harm’s way to help the world
and we all salute you and you are a triumph truly.
I am proud to say that over the past seven days we’ve raised a total of $35 million for the Solidarity Fund. This money will [inaudible] essential PPE, supplies and testing kits around the world and will help improve lab capacity
to rapidly process tests. It will also [inaudible] research development. It is so important to think globally and to support the World Health Organization to curb the pandemic and prevent future outbreaks.
I know Dr Tedros is particularly concerned about Africa and [inaudible]. We also need to act globally by supporting local charities and initiatives so that the front-line health workers in most immediate need have the resources they need
to survive during this time. It has been an honour to help with this huge broadcast event, which will take place on April 18th, where we need to tell the stories of and celebrate the front-line community, healthcare workers and their acts of kindness.
We will be on different networks, many networks actually and I want to [inaudible] about what we’re going to be doing. What’s very important is that two things happen for all of us; that we celebrate and we highlight the singular, kind global community
that is arising right now. Two, we want to highlight the gravity of this historically unprecedented cultural movement and, three, we want to celebrate and encourage the power of the human spirit.
00:06:47
I would like to, on behalf of the World Health Organization and Global Citizen, thank Dr Tedros as well as everyone that has donated so far. We are going to continue fundraising but I would like to also let you know that
this broadcast special is not actually a fundraiser. We all wanted to raise the money before we went on air so when we do air live on April 18th put your wallets away, put your credit cards away, anything
away that you need to and just sit back and enjoy the show that you all very much deserve.
I’d like to pass this now to Hugh Evans, who’s been a wonderful partner of mine. Hugh, thank you so much and thank you, Dr Tedros.
HE Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and thank you, Dr Tedros and thank you, Lady Gaga. Your Excellencies, ladies and gentlemen; Lady Gaga, Dr Tedros,
you’ve both demonstrated extraordinary leadership at an unprecedented moment when our society is being challenged like never before and we are so thankful for your leadership. I’d like to echo Lady Gaga’s sentiment and commend the incredible acts
of bravery demonstrated by the front-line community health workers around the world and I hope that we as a shared humanity emerge from this moment forever grateful for the work of doctors, nurses, teachers, grocery store workers and all of those who are
the backbone of our communities.
Global health is at the very core of the global citizen mission and we must ensure that the world’s poorest and most marginalised people have access to resources to cope with and tackle this health crisis. Through One
World: Together At Home on April 18th we’ll be calling on philanthropists, corporations and governments to fund critical global COVID-19 response efforts including distribution of resources and PPE to critical front-line healthcare
workers.
00:09:09
In our partnership with the WHO and United Nations Global Citizen is committed to driving action to help ensure our global health systems are strong enough to stop a future pandemic before it happens. April 18th is going to be a moment of global unity
connecting the world through a historic global broadcast. We are bringing together the greatest artists in the world under the passionate and extremely talented curation of Lady Gaga.
In alphabetical order some of the artists we’ll be announcing today include Alanis Morissette, Andrea Bocelli, Billie Eilish, Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day, Burna Boy, Chris Martin, Sir David Beckham, Eddie Vedder,
Sir Elton John, Finneas, Idris and Sabrina Elba, J Balvin, John Legend, Kacey Musgraves, Keith Urban, Kerry Washington, Lang Lang, Lizzo, Maluma, Sir Paul McCartney, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, Shah Rukh Khan, Stevie Wonder and many more to be announced over the coming weeks from all corners of the globe under the passionate and extremely talented curation of Lady Gaga.
We’re grateful to all of you for participating and supporting this critical effort. One World Together At Home will be broadcast live on Saturday April 18th 2020 at 5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT and 12:00am BST, airing on ABC, NBC, Viacom and CBS networks,
IHeartMedia, and Bell media networks and platforms in Canada. Internationally BBC1 will run the programme on Sunday April 19th and additional international broadcasters include BN Media Group, Multi-Choice Group and RTE in Ireland.
00:11:43
The digital broadcast will celebrate and support brave community health workers who are doing life-saving work on the front line and we’ve all seen the limitations of world leaders around this world to step up and face this extraordinary challenge
and we want to do our best to support the essential work of the World Health Organization, driving action and raising critical funds. Thank you again, Dr Tedros, and thank you, Lady Gaga, for your leadership.
Thank you all.
TJ Thank you very much to our guests for their remarks. Dr Tedros, I guess you would like to thank them too.
TAG Once again I would like to thank Lady Gaga and Hugh Evans for their partnership. We had a call last week and I was so amazed by the energy and passion of Lady Gaga. It’s incredible commitment to humanity and that’s
when I said, I think what she has planned can happen. It’s bringing the world together to improve awareness and to mobilise resources to fight the pandemic so I thank her for her incredible passion and commitment and leadership and
also to my friend, Hugh Evans, for connecting all the dots and for his leadership.
We all look forward to joining you for the One World: Together At Home concert on 18th April. As the pandemic continues we recognise that individuals and governments want to do everything they can to protect themselves and others and so do we.
We understand that some countries have recommended or are considering the use of both medical and non-medical masks in the general population to prevent the spread of COVID-19.
00:14:21
First and foremost medical masks must be prioritised for health workers on the front lines of the response. We know medical masks can help to protect health workers but they’re in short supply globally. We’re concerned that the mass
use of medical masks by the general population could exacerbate the shortage of these specialised masks for the people who need them most. In some places these shortages are putting health workers in real danger.
In healthcare facilities WHO continues to recommend the use of medical masks, respirators and other personal protective equipment for health workers. In the community we recommend the use of medical masks by people who are sick and those who
are caring for a sick person at home.
WHO has been evaluating the use of medical and non-medical masks for COVID-19 more widely. Today WHO is issuing guidance and criteria to support countries in making that decision. For example countries could consider using masks in communities where other measures such as cleaning hands and physical distancing are harder to achieve because of lack of water or cramped living conditions.
If masks are worn they must be used safely and properly. WHO has guidance on how to put on, take off and dispose of masks. What’s clear is that there is limited research in this area. We encourage countries that are considering the use
of masks for the general population to study their effectiveness so we can all learn. Most importantly masks should only ever be used as part of a comprehensive package of interventions. There is no black or white answer and no silver bullet.
Masks alone cannot stop the pandemic. Countries must continue to find, test, isolate and treat every case and trace every contact. Mask or no mask, there are proven things all of us can do to protect ourselves and others.
00:17:13
Keep your distance, clean your hands, cough or sneeze into your elbow and avoid touching your face. Less than 100 days since WHO was notified about the new coronavirus research has accelerated at incredible speed. The viral genome
was mapped in early January and shared globally, which enabled tests to be developed and vaccine research to start. More than 70 countries have joined WHO’s Solidarity Trial to accelerate the search for an effective treatment and about
20 institutions and companies are racing to develop a vaccine.
WHO is committed to ensuring that as medicines and vaccines are developed they’re shared equitably with all countries and people. I want to thank the Medicines Patent Pool and Unitaid for the initiative they announced last
Friday to include medicines and diagnostics for COVID-19 in their licensing pool.
I also want to thank the President of Costa Rica, President Carlos Alvadaro, and the Health Minister, Daniel Salas, for their proposal to create a pool of rights to tests, medicines and vaccines with free access or licensing on reasonable and affordable
terms for all countries. Muchas gracias, Mr President. I support this proposal and we’re working with Costa Rica to finalise the details.
00:19:09
Poorer countries and fragile economies stand to face the biggest shock from this pandemic and leaving anyone unprotected will only prolong the health crisis and harm economies more. I call
on all countries, companies and research institutions to support open data, open science and open collaboration so that all people can enjoy the benefits of science and research.
Finally we’re nearing the end of the Ebola outbreak in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. This is one piece of good news. If there are no more cases the Government of the Democratic Republic of Congo could declare the outbreak over as early
as this Sunday. We’re not there yet and we remain in full response mode. We’re continuing to investigate alerts and to test samples.
This would not have been possible without the incredible health workers who have put themselves at risk for more than 18 months to stop this outbreak, just as health workers are putting themselves in danger to save lives from COVID-19. Health
workers in DRC faced the double threat of fighting a deadly virus in one of the world’s most dangerous and unstable regions, exposing themselves to Ebola and bullets.
Tomorrow, as you know, is WHO’s birthday, a day we celebrate each year as World Health Day. This year we’re paying tribute to the incredible contribution of all health workers, especially nurses and midwives. Nurses and midwives are the backbone of
every health system. They’re there from the first moments of life to the last. Tomorrow we’re publishing our first report on the state of the world’s nursing which highlights gaps and makes recommendations for all countries.
00:22:00
One of the lessons I hope the world learns from COVID-19 is that we must invest in health workers, not only to protect lives but also to protect livelihoods. I thank you.
TJ Thank you very much, Dr Tedros. Also, as always, we have Dr Mike Ryan and Dr Maria Van Kerkhove, who will be answering questions. We will now open the floor. I will go to one question
that I received by email this morning and I promised to answer; that’s Ankit Kumar from India Today. Ankit is asking; we have recently seen a spike in cases caused through religious gatherings in India, in fact almost a third of new cases
were linked to one gathering in India. We have also seen incidents of violence against health workers due to fear and misinformation. Is WHO concerned with these developments, what is WHO’s message to religious and community leaders and their
followers?
MR First and foremost the idea of violence against health workers is driven by fear and it’s driven by misunderstanding but it’s really unacceptable. We ask everyone and every community to see our health workers
as our heroes and to support them in every way we can.
With regard to gatherings of any type, be they religious or be they for other purposes, there are always risks associated with such gatherings in the midst of a major epidemic. WHO has issued guidance on that. Many of these gatherings
are now postponed or cancelled. We’ve been working very, very closely with religious and faith-based organisations all over the world including groups from the Islamic tradition, Christian
traditions and others and continue to work through faith-based organisations to communicate using our Epiwin platform.
00:24:21
We’re also continuing to develop guidance specifically for the holy month of Ramadan and are working through our Eastern Mediterranean regional office to be able to advise governments and religious institutions on how best to manage
the risks associated with such holy events.
But it’s very important again; having COVID-19 is not anybody’s fault. Every case is a victim and every case needs to be treated with sensitivity, as the health workers who treat them so it’s very important that we’re not profiling COVID-19
along racial, along religious, along ethnic lines. This is not helpful.
TJ Thank you very much. This was a question from Ankit Kumar from India Today. Now we will go to journalists online. We will start with Jamie from Associated Press. Jamie, can you hear us?
JA Hi, yes. Can you hear me? TJ Yes. Please go ahead.
JA Great, thank you very much. I wanted to ask you about… Over the weekend Dr Anthony Fauci mentioned that – if I understood it correctly – as much as 50% of transmission could be asymptomatic. Just aligned
with that, if you could give us a little bit more about what you’re thinking about the fact that some countries have said that this outbreak is more infectious than influenza. The CDC is saying that it’s up
to three times more infectious than influenza so what do you have to say about that? Thanks.
00:26:13
MK I’ll start and then perhaps Mike or DG would like to supplement. The modes of transmission and the way in which this virus is transmitted are of significant interest to all of us. What we are doing is working
with member states, we’re working with everyone that’s affected by this, looking through the research and trying to understand when most transmission is happening, when any transmission is happening.
What we know from reports, what we know from published literature is that the predominant way in which transmission is occurring is amongst symptomatic individuals and these are people that can be very early on in symptoms, even when they start
to feel a little bit unwell. This is supported by some data that attempts to catch a virus from individuals who are symptomatic.
We also know that it’s possible that people can transmit in the few days before they become symptomatic or in their pre-symptomatic phase. There have been some studies that have come out and we learned about this when we were on mission
in China back in January or early February, that there are individuals that can shed virus one to three days before they develop symptoms.
However it’s very important to note that even if you are pre-symptomatic or even if you don’t have any recognised symptoms you still have to transmit through droplets, you still have to have these infectious particles that come out
of your nose and your mouth. So while we know that that is possible we do not believe that it’s a major driver of transmission.
00:27:42
We’ve also seen modelling estimates that suggest that there’re large numbers of unrecognised transmission and I used unrecognised on purpose because I’m not saying asymptomatic. I’m saying that we may be missing people who are out there who are infected
but we’re missing them because of current surveillance strategies. That is certainly possible in many parts of the globe.
Whether or not those individuals are asymptomatic; we will have to wait until we see the results of serologic studies, which we hope we’ll be seeing in the coming days if not weeks.
So what we can say is that most people are transmitting this virus while they are symptomatic.
JA Hi, Jamie. Just in addition because I think – I would never in any way contradict my good friend, Tony Fauci, such an eminent man. There are many different estimations of what might represent asymptomatic
transmission or other infections in the community and we do know and everyone accepts that when the seroepidemiology studies do come online we will probably find more people who’ve been infected unknowingly; there’s no question of that.
The thing we need to address in all of this is very often the idea of severity versus infection and there is a huge association between the dose of exposure and the severity of infection. We see this in many other
infectious diseases so we also probably need to look at who is getting sick and very sick and is the dose and the type of exposure they’re getting different to those who may be exposed and seroconverted in the community.
00:29:26
So it’s not just a matter of looking at how many people in the community are infected but are there specific elements of exposure that cause individuals to have a higher dose of exposure or a specific route of exposure
that causes more severe infection? There is also that concept of infectious dose when we talk about the different types of transmission. If somebody is exposed to a high dose from another individual directly or from a surface that’s
heavily contaminated you can imagine the large dose.
In other circumstances individual particles or virus particles potentially floating through the air; it can be demonstrated that that may happen in certain circumstances, certainly in healthcare settings. But is that significant in
terms of driving infection, is that significant, does that produce an infectious dose that can successfully infect another individual?
These are all very important things that still need to be studied. Again we’re only a number of weeks into this. I think we need to have the seroepi studies. I think we need more information on what is the infectious dose and particularly
the relationship between the dose of exposure or infection and the severity of disease subsequently, which has been seen with many, many other diseases in the past including cholera, Ebola and others.
TJ Thank you very much, Mike and Maria. We will go now to our next question; that’s Kai Kupferschmidt. Kai, can you hear us?
00:31:01
KA Yes, Tarik. Thanks a lot for taking my question. I wanted to ask about the global push to try and find a pre-exposure prophylaxis or a post-exposure prophylaxis. I understand there’re
several trials going on, most of them with chloroquine or hydroxychloroquine. I was just wondering whether you can speak a little bit to what role this could potentially play.
Of course also there’re a lot of smaller studies going on. Is there any way to make sure that they all lead to results that can be proved in the end?
MR Maria can give you more detail but certainly one of the Solidarity trials – I think Solidarity 3 or 4 – we have one of the trials under design which will be a multi-centre study which will look at prophylaxis in healthcare workers to see whether there’s evidence that giving lower doses of drugs like chloroquine or hydroxychloroquine to healthcare workers would reduce their risk of becoming infected in a healthcare environment.
Those studies are certainly underway and again there are a number of those studies underway in smaller studies around the world but again as WHO we’re trying to bring together a larger set of collaborative studies that will give
us the answers we need.
In terms of post-exposure prophylaxis I don’t believe we have at the moment studies planned but Maria can speak to that but there is certainly evidence for the use of – not proven evidence of effectiveness but there are a number
of studies underway and trials underway that use hyperimmune globulin in the treatment of disease; in other words they use that purified plasma of recovered individuals to give an antibody boost to people who are
suffering the disease.
00:32:49
Similar approaches have been used in post-exposure prophylaxis for other diseases but Maria may be aware of studies underway in that area.
MK Only to add that, as you mentioned, there are a number of smaller studies that are happening globally and across a large number of countries. We have teams through our science division and through GOARN,
through the Global Outbreak Alert Network, who are pulling together available literature on a number of topics, one of which is looking at different types of therapeutics and drugs.
The idea is until we can have a study that pulls together enough of a sample size to get these answers to these questions we’re trying to evaluate every piece of evidence that is published so that we can look at the way in
which these studies were done, we can look at the strengths, we can look at the limitations so that can help guide us closer towards an effective treatment for COVID-19.
TJ Thank you very much. The next question is from BFM Radio. Is is Kate who is with us?
KT Yes, hi. Good evening or good morning. I’m from BFM Radio Malaysia. My question is, many countries around the world have imposed lock-downs or some sort of restrictions on movement. I was wondering
what WHO’s guidance would be; what’s the sweet spot, the kind of data that governments need to consider before lifting or relaxing some of these lock- downs? Thank you very much.
00:34:29
MR Thank you. It is a difficulty for governments right now because the lock-downs in many situations are proving effective in dampening the flames of the epidemic in those countries but those
lock-downs are also causing great economic hardship and everybody especially in the developing world needs to get to a more sustainable way of managing this epidemic and controlling COVID-19 without continuing to damage economic and social life.
The transition strategy out of lock-down requires a calibrated, step-wise approach. It would be probably very inadvisable just to lift a complete lock-down, all of the measures because lock-downs are a general term that
include closure of schools, closure of churches, stay-at- home orders, closure of workplaces. It’s a mixture of different things and I think each government needs to break out, what does our lock-down actually constitute, what are the elements
of our lock-down, where is that happening in the country, do we now understand the epidemiology of the disease in each area in which we have an element of lock-down or shut- down.
Then to chart the path out, you have to build strong public health capacity to take over from the lock-down. In other words the lock-down is pushing the disease down by putting people back in their homes, by separating communities. Once you raise
the lock-down you have to have an alternative method to suppress the infection. The way to do that is active case finding, testing, isolation of cases, tracking of contacts, quarantining of contacts and strong community education and
participation and ownership around normal physical distancing, hygiene and giving communities the power to control infection by in effect managing their own physical distance, managing their own capacities to support the response.
00:36:32
In that situation, if you’ve strong public health capacity, if you’ve got a community that’s mobilised and empowered and if you’ve strengthened your health system then you’re potentially in a position to start unlocking or unwinding the lock-down.
The specific parameters you need to be looking at are on two sides.
One is, it would be very inadvisable to lock down [sic] if the number of cases coming through the hospital is already at a level where your occupancy of beds is nearly at 100%. You need to be in a position where
you now have free beds in your system so that you’re managing and coping with the caseload and that means you have some absorption capacity left.
You need to look at things like the doubling rate; how many days does it take for the number of cases to double? You need to look at positivity rates; what proportion of all samples that we test are positive? You’ll see in
somewhere like Korea two to 6% of the samples they test are positive. Last week in New York 37% of tested samples were positive so you need to carefully look at what proportion of people you test are positive.
00:37:45
You need to look at the number of contacts that are generated per case and it goes on and on and WHO will be issuing guidance to countries that is a much more specific around the parameters they should be looking at. There are no absolutes here, there
are no answers, there are no numbers that say if this number is this then you do that. That doesn’t exist but what we can do is offer countries very specific measurements that they need to look at to chart the path out of lock-down.
That step-wise approach of unlocking somewhat and then waiting to see; I think you need to say, we will stop doing this element of the shut-down and then we will wait and we will look at the data and if that works we go to the next
stage and the next stage. So a careful, calibrated, step-wise exit from lock-down with putting in place public health capacities, putting in place community capacity, building the capacity of the health system to cope should the disease bounce back up; that’s the safe path out of lock-down.
We want to achieve it as quickly as possible and we want to avoid many countries going into that circumstance and we still have many countries around the world who are not in a locked- down situation. In fact their epidemiology would suggest
they can avoid the worst of this and we need to support them to avoid them going into that situation.
The most damaging lock-downs are in many developing countries where people – as the DG has said many times – can live from hand to mouth, not from pay cheque to pay cheque but from day to day and we have to find adaptive solutions
around lock-down and around disease control in vulnerable periurban populations living in poverty, in poor rural communities. We have to find alternative, adapted ways to manage lock-downs or slow-downs or shut-downs in
those situations.
00:39:41
TJ Thank you very much. This was Kate from BFM Radio in Malaysia. Now we will go to Nigeria to Natural Star and it’s Innocent. Innocent, can you hear us?
IN Thank you. Can you hear me?
TJ Not very well but we will try. Please go ahead.
IN Okay, thank you for taking my questions. I have two questions to ask. One; how will WHO assess African countries on what they’ve done concerning the lock-down and management of COVID-19?
Then the second one; there’s news going around that vaccines are to be tested on Africans when they’re developed. How true is that and is there a window that’s in the nearer future when a vaccine will be developed for COVID-19? Thank you.
Hello?
TJ Yes, we are just trying to make sure that we understood the question but we will try. MR I think this is Nigeria. Is it?
TJ Yes.
00:41:08
MR Maria may answer the question around vaccine development. With regard to our general assessment on lock-down – and the Director-General may wish to comment on this because he’s been speaking with many leaders in Africa
and, I believe, spoke with the whole of the African Union leadership and countries late last week so therefore is in a much better position than me to speak about that.
We would characterise so far, Africa’s actually doing well in this response thus far. Countries have essential capacities for testing, many countries are taking strong action and want to really focus on finding cases and doing contact tracing and trying to stop this disease becoming much more extensive given the fact that health systems are not as strong in many countries.
They need support in that though, they need support in testing, they need support with protective gear and they need to be given the resources to be able to mount those types of responses so I would characterise that Africa has not suffered the worst
of this pandemic so far. The worst of it can be avoided with very, very swift action to support those countries in Africa who really do want to take a comprehensive approach to this disease.
With the many vulnerable people including refugees and migrants who live in those countries it is our responsibility to provide that support but, DG, you may wish to speak about your interactions with the African
Union countries.
00:42:46
MK I’ll answer the question around vaccines. What we can say is that there are a number of vaccines that are in development and vaccines will be tested through clinical trials with all ethical considerations
in place in whichever populations are under study with informed consent, with open and transparent communication. This is of the utmost importance, that not only do we have strong, robust scientific evidence
but we ensure that all of the studies that are done are done with appropriate and the highest level of ethical considerations.
One thing on the first question around Africa is that there are a number of countries in Africa right now which have very few cases and Mike has alluded to this in his earlier response.
Some only have imported cases and there is an opportunity here, this window of opportunity that the DG has spoken about exists in many countries still. There is an opportunity to prevent the worst from happening
in a number of countries across Africa and across countries that are still seeing their first case; in some island countries.
We need to support those governments, those countries, all of the people in those areas to prevent the worst from happening, to prevent these individual cases from becoming clusters, these clusters from becoming community transmission. I think that’s
where we need to put a lot of emphasis and support so that we can prevent countries from reaching a point where they need to put in these very restrictive movement restrictions.
TAG Thank you. Thank you for that question, my brother from Nigeria. On the situation, as Mike said, of course when you see the number of cases the African continent has the lowest number of cases so far but that doesn’t mean that
the situation will not deteriorate. It may.
00:45:06
So Africa should do everything to prevent this situation from getting worse and that’s why African leaders are doing their best. I had a chance to participate in a meeting, a Leaders’ Coalition which was arranged or invited by the current Chairperson
of the African Union, the President of South Africa, President Ramaphoza and many leaders from all corners of the continent have actually participated.
The main agenda is to have a continental strategy and also make sure that that continental strategy helps the national strategy but in addition to a coalition of political leaders or the heads of state and government they have also agreed to have a coalition of business leaders. Business leaders in Africa are also getting together because Africa will need resources and one of the major problems that was identified during the discussion
was especially shortage of equipment starting from medical equipment, PPE and test kits and so on.
The leaders have agreed to look for concrete solutions to address the problem and they also believe that considering the number of cases we have in the continent testing cases, tracing contacts and isolating them, meaning using the comprehensive approach,
will actually help. They believe that lock-downs alone may not help or the physical distancing alone cannot help and they have agreed to do everything to follow the comprehensive approach.
From WHO’s side we have been supporting and we increased, improved the testing capacity in Africa significantly in the past two months and many countries in Africa have now testing capability although we may have a shortage of test kits but
we’re working on that too and we’re finding different ways of addressing the gap.
00:48:06
But we will support the African Union, we will support the Africa CDC and also we will continue working through our WHO regional office in Congo Brazzaville and continue to support and fight the pandemic together.
Then on the vaccines issue there was, I think, a comment last week from a couple of
scientists who said the testing ground for the new vaccines will be Africa. To be honest, I was so appalled and it was a time when I said, when we needed solidarity these kind of racist remarks actually would not help, it goes against the solidarity.
Africa cannot and will not be a testing ground for any vaccine. We will follow all the rules to test any vaccine or therapeutics all over the world using exactly the same rules. Whether it’s
in Europe, Africa or wherever we will use the same protocol and if there is a need to be tested elsewhere to treat human beings the same way, equally.
The hangover from a colonial mentality has to stop — and WHO will not allow this to happen. It was a disgrace actually and appalling to hear during the 21st century from scientists that kind of remark and we condemn
this in the strongest terms possible but we assure you that this will not happen in Africa and will not happen elsewhere, in any country. Proper protocols will be followed and human beings will be treated as human
beings because we’re all human beings.
00:50:37
Then after saying this the vaccine development; we’re addressing two issues and we will be announcing as soon as possible, hopefully during this week, a big initiative to accelerate the research and development and production of vaccines and also
design mechanisms for equitable distribution of the vaccines.
While we’re looking for vaccines, unless we break the barriers to equitable distribution of the products, whether it’s vaccines or therapeutics, we will have a problem, so we need to address the problem ahead of time, we need to address the problem
of access or challenges to access ahead of time.
That’s why we will put together a mechanism and we will appoint senior people from the North and South that will work out the details on how they can accelerate production but at the same time how they can ensure equitable distribution. Solidarity
is very important here. When a vaccine or a medicine is ready we have to be able to deliver it all over the world.
There should not be a divide between the haves and the have-nots.
If we say solidarity, solidarity should be in its full form and I hope each and every individual, each and every human being will go for that kind of solidarity. I thank you.
TJ Thank you, Dr Tedros. We’ll take a couple more questions. We go to Yang from Xinhua news agency. Yang, can you hear us?
00:52:58
YA Can I hear you?
TJ Yes, we can hear you. Please go ahead.
YA As World Health Day is approaching what do you have to say to the front-line medical workers in China and around the world in the global anti-virus efforts? This question is
for Dr Tedros. Thank you.
TJ If we understood well, the question is what is the message to health workers in China and around the world. Maybe you can repeat the question one more time, please.
YA Okay. As World Health Day is approaching what would you say and what message do you want to deliver to the front-line medical workers in China and around the world in the global anti-virus effort?
TAG I think I have said it earlier; as you know, this is the year of the nurse and the midwife, 2020. We were ready to celebrate it in a big way and it was supposed to be the main event in our
Assembly in mid-May. Unfortunately we’re in this situation but we will be launching a report tomorrow which is the first of its kind. It’s a report on the state of nursing. We will launch it tomorrow during the World Health
Day.
00:55:01
But while launching that report, although it’s about nursing, we will celebrate all health workers, midwives, pharmacists, doctors, you name it. I think the world is now seeing the importance and the central role that health workers play. People,
when they’re asked, of course, to choose they would say health first because it’s only when you’re healthy that you can aspire to anything, whether it’s wealth or fame or anything. It doesn’t matter if you’re not healthy.
If you’re not healthy the first thing you ask for is to get back your health and our health workers are making sure that happens and they’re central and very important for any individual. So not only during COVID but during other times too health
professionals are very important because they are safeguarding that very important aspect of life — that’s health.
So we have to celebrate them every day. Of course during COVID we can see to what extent they’re sacrificing. We have lost many of them. They’re dying while saving lives so my message first is to the public at large; that each and every individual
should recognise, whether it’s during normal times or pandemics like now, the role of health professionals and help them, protect them, really appreciate and respect what they are doing.
To the health workers, although especially during this COVID pandemic you’re working in a difficult situation you should know that your work is the most blessed one, your work is something special to the extent of losing your life
while helping others to live. We respect you and appreciate you for that and we also believe in you and that you will do everything to control this pandemic.
00:58:11
But you should know that you have – and the world understands – the most important job. We can see the humility which is coming from some leaders because of this pandemic. I know they’re seeing, starting from their own lives, the whole world through
a different prism and they will also see your role.
But the most important is not the recognition from the public or from leaders but the internal commitment and passion you have and believing that you’re doing the most blessed thing and you have all our respect and appreciation and we believe in
you, that together we will finish this pandemic. All the respect and appreciation we have to you, the greatest respect and appreciation ever. Thank you.
TJ Thank you very much, Dr Tedros. I think this important message will be heard from everyone and we will conclude this press briefing with these important words from Dr Tedros. We will
have an audio file available in the minutes to come and we invite you for our next briefing on Wednesday. Thank you.
TAG [Inaudible] and see you on Wednesday – tomorrow actually for the launch. Yes, see you tomorrow.
01:00:18
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With the aftermath of globalization, companies are carefully thinking about the best ways to extend their product and service offering. Thus, product development strategy is critical for their success. Yet, many companies are in defensive mode and merely want to maintain the position in the market place.
However, staying in a holding position is a definite way for companies to be left behind. Innovative thinking that allows for product/service growth is a too sure way for sustainable success. In today’s discussion, we will explore the importance of product development for the growth of businesses, especially in a competitive market.
Launching into new product offerings is not easy. According to one market research, approximately 75% of consumer-packaged goods and retail products fail to earn even $7.5 million during their first year. Harvard Business School Professor, Clayton Christensen, who is the world’s foremost authority on disruptive innovation, suggests that the failure rate of new products may actually be as high as 95%. Product failure rates relate to the number of products that are launched commercially but fail.
Geoffrey A. Moore, the author of Crossing the Chasm, maintains the challenges of product deployment: “… the less successful product is often arguably superior. No content to slink off the stage without some revenge, this sullen and resentful crew casts about among themselves to find a scapegoat, and whom do they light upon? With unfailing consistency and unerring accuracy, all fingers point to-the vice president of marketing. It is marketing’s fault!” Thus, new product development is a risky proposition to senior executives making these critical positions as well as the organization as a whole.
Businesses that want sustainable growth must develop new product and services often and consistently. Philip Kotler and Kevin Keller, authors of Marketing Management, “In an economy of rapid change, continuous innovation is a necessity. Highly innovative firms are able to identify and quickly seize new market opportunities.”
In taking any actions on new product development, businesses should think strategically about their product development. Alexander Chernev, the author of Strategic Marketing Management, further argues that managing growth is the most preferred route to profitability compared to just cutting cost.
He outlines four key issues in managing growth, which include: (a) gaining and defending a market position, (b) managing sales growth, (c) new product development, and (d) product-line management. Chernev maintains, “New products and services are the keys to sustainable growth; they enable companies to gain and sustain their market position by taking advantage of the changes in the market to create superior customer value.”
With that said, new product development meaning having the ability to take a product or service idea and convert it into a tangible offering that customers want. The following are the steps that more products undergo for market consumption: (a) idea generation, (b) concept development, (c) business analysis, (d) product development, (e) market testing, and (f) business deployment.
The Ansoff Matrix is a strategic tool for product development, consisting of market penetration, market development, product development, and diversification. In market penetration strategy, organizations seek to grow using its existing product offerings in existing markets. With this strategy in mind, organizations try to increase market share. In a market development strategy, companies try to expand into new markets like new buyers using their existing offerings. In product development strategy, businesses seek to create new products and services targeted at its existing buyers.
In a diversification strategy, an organization tries to grow its market share by introducing new product offerings while at the same time entering a new market. Diversification is the most-risky approach due to simultaneous making new changes (new product, new market). Kotler and Keller further maintain the difficulty of sustainable product success: “It is increasingly difficult to identify blockbuster products that will transform a market, but continuous innovation can force competitors to play catch-up.” The concept sounds easy. However, it is riddled with problems.
Without a doubt, many companies know that product development is a risky business. Although many consumers will proudly proclaim the success of many innovative products like Apple and Google, these same buyers are not aware of the numerous product launch failures in this country. In our discussion, I demonstrated the importance of product development for the growth of businesses, especially in a competitive market. Failures often lead to innovation.
American great inventor, Thomas Edison, had his own share of failures, but learned how to innovate because of them: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Likewise, today’s businesses can also achieve success if they understand how to deploy their products and services to the marketplace strategically. Although there is enormous danger in failure, there is also the opportunity of unforeseen growth. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Regardless to how good of an employer you are, and even if you treat your employees well, understand that employee theft is a reality, and you need to control it. While it may only be a very small percentage of your staff that might steal from you, it can have a significant financial impact on your coffee business. If it goes unnoticed, employees will usually become even more brazen in their activities.
When it comes to theft, your employees are likely to fall into one of the following four categories:
Mr./Ms. honest – these are people who would never think of taking anything if it doesn’t belong to them. If they happen to go home with one of your ballpoint pens, they’ll bring it back the next day, and feel guilty that they took it home, even though it was unintentional.
Incidental theft – these are people that will take home your pen by accident, and will keep it. And, they may scarf a piece of cheesecake occasionally when you aren’t looking, even though they know they shouldn’t. Because these items have minimal value, they have no great sense of guilt related to their activities.
Theft because of need and opportunity – this is when you have an employee who is perhaps living on the edge financially, and because they have the need, and because your security may be lax, they’ll take advantage of an opportune situation to take something.
Compulsive theft – this is the person who is always looking for something to steal, and they have absolutely no conscience about it. They typically rationalize the theft in their own mind. They consider you to be the rich, fat cat, and feel that they are over worked and under paid, so stealing from you is justified.
Employee theft probably exists to some extent within your operation, whether you are aware of it or not. You can most likely live with incidental theft, provided it doesn’t get out of control. Theft related to need and opportunity is, in reality, your fault. These people would probably not steal from you normally, but a lack of security procedures has created the temptation and means for them to do so. Compulsive theft must be discovered, stopped, and you must eliminate the person(s) responsible.
Losing product due to theft:
Your employees may have no desire or need for a sleeve of 12oz. paper cups, Java Jackets, or a roll of toilet paper… but they might like a frozen cake, gallon of chocolate sauce, 6-pack of beer, or a bottle of wine.
There are some simple things you can do to greatly reduce the chance of being ripped-off. First, don’t allow your employees to store their jackets, backpacks, and purses near where you store products. This makes it incredibly simple for someone to slide something into their bag or jacket pocket when no one is watching. I always had my employees store their personal belongings in the cabinet under the cash register (where someone would always be watching), or in my office, under lock & and key.
Second, keep the back door of your store locked with a key at all times (you or your supervisor being the only ones having a key). If customers regularly enter through your back door, this may not be an option. If your back door is an emergency fire exit (and it probably is), you’ll need to install an alarmed breaker-bar. The whole point is that you don’t want your employees to be able to flow in and out of the back door without you knowing about it. Carrying product out the back door to their car, a hiding place for later pick-up, or an awaiting friend, is one of the most common ways products will exit your store.
Once you have made it more difficult to stash things in their personal belongings, or carry them out the back door, employees may resort to hiding items in the trashcan. Of course you will unlock the back door to let them take out the trash. If they have hidden something in the trashcan, a dumpster-diving expedition will certainly be planned for after-hours to recover their treasure.
Periodic trashcan checks should eliminate this problem, or make it a far less appealing option to anyone considering this method to smuggle things out of your store. Buy a long handle 3-prong garden rake. When employees ask to take out the trash, accompany them, and have them hold the can up on the edge of the dumpster while you rake out the trashcan contents. What you are looking for are things that might have been hidden in the trash, but you can tell your employees that you are merely making sure that small wares aren’t being accidentally thrown away. During the 15-years I owned and managed restaurants, I discovered everything from six-packs of beer, bottles of wine, and packages of steaks hidden in the trash!
Another situation that will create an ideal opportunity for employees to steal from you is having only one person working in your store. If your baker comes in each morning a hour before you or the next employee, or if one person is left to clean and lock-up the place at the end of the day, opportunities for theft abound. As the old saying goes: when the cat’s away…
Always try to have at least two people in your store at all times. If there is not justification for having a second employee on the clock, then you will need to be that second person. If this requires you going from a 60-hour workweek to 80-hours, then this may not be a tolerable option. If this is the case, then at least invest a couple of hours more each day for a week or two to do some detective work.
During those times of day when only one employee is working, park at the far end of the parking lot, or across the street, so that you will reduce the chance of being noticed by your employee. If they are familiar with your vehicle, use your spouse’s or friend’s vehicle for a few days. Watch carefully (with binoculars if necessary). I know this all sounds a little CSI – like, but better to rest-easy, feeling fairly assured that your employee isn’t carrying away your store when you’re not watching. If I had the time, I could tell you countless stories of my experiences in catching employees red handed, loading the trunks of their cars.
If you suspect that theft of product might be occurring, but you’ve seen no direct evidence of it, then conducting a daily key iteminventory may shed some light on the situation. Write down a list of 15 to 20 products that you think would be most appealing for someone to steal. In your coffee business, this might include items such as coffee, syrups and sauces, smoothie puree, biscotti, cookies, and desserts, sandwich meats & cheeses, and of course beer & wine (if you serve those from your operation). Then take an inventory of these items every day. Your employees don’t need to know what you are doing, and if they ask, simply tell them you are taking an inventory for ordering purposes.
What you are looking for are anomalies in usage. For example, let’s say that from your daily inventories you assess that you use about half a gallon of chocolate sauce per day. Then, one day you notice you used 1 1/2 gallons of chocolate the previous day. This should send up a red flag! Why did you go through an extra gallon of chocolate? Were you significantly busier yesterday, or did you featuring several drink specials which contained chocolate sauce? A quick review of individual item sales from yesterday’s cash register report should provide you with the answer. If you average one ounce of chocolate per beverage, then using 1 1/2 gallons means you should have sold approximately 192 beverages containing chocolate (128 oz. per gal. x 1.5 = 192). If this was the case, no problem. But, if you discover that you only sold 64 beverages containing chocolate, then 128 oz. (or 1 gallon) is unaccounted for and missing! A good indication that it probably walked out the door. If this happens, keep track of who was working on the day of the shortage. If this happens continually, eventually you will discover that the same person or persons were working every time.
Theft of money by employees:
Hopefully, none of your employees will have the desire to steal products from you, but some will be tempted by the lure of cold, hard, cash. Everyone could use an extra $20 a day. Employees who steal money from you will definitely hurt your bottom line, and must be eliminated.
The first way to reduce cash theft is to have a cash handling policy in place that will discourage theft. If multiple employees are using the cash register, and no one person is responsible, then I can almost guarantee that your cash drawer will keep coming up short on a regular basis. The fact that no one person can be held responsible for the shortages, will make grabbing a bill or two easy and appealing.
Implement a policy that one, and only one person is responsible for the cash register for the entire shift. They should count the drawer at the beginning of their shift to verify that they are starting with the designated change bank. Then, they should be the only person to ring up sales and make change. Even you, the owner/manger, should keep your hands out of their cash drawer. Finally, at the end of their shift, they should set aside the amount they started with in the change drawer, and total all the remaining cash, checks, and charges, and balance against what was rung up on the register. If they started with the right amount of money in the cash drawer, rang everything up, took all the money, counted back all the change, and they end up short… who’s fault is it? It can only be theirs. By implementing this simple policy, I once took an operation that was coming up $100 a day ($3,000 a month) cash short, and reduced it to $3 a day, in just 30 days! That’s over a $2,900 bottom line improvement, (in case you didn’t do the math)!
The other common method that a cashier might use to steal money from you is by using a method called, building a bank. This is the process of not ringing up items on the cash register, while still taking money from the customers, and then pocketing that money. Typically, they will obscure the view of the cash register display on the customer’s side with something like a flower, retail merchandise, or by turning the display so that it cannot be easily seen. Then, they will pretend to ring up an item, but will hit the no sale key instead, popping the drawer open so they can take the cash and make change, but in reality, they haven’t rung up anything. The other thing they might do when it is busy is to just not shut the drawer between transactions. They simply convey verbally the cost of items ordered by customers and take the cash, but once again, nothing has been rung up.
A cash register that prints out the order on a remote receipt printer to the person who will be preparing the item, can eliminate this problem. Quite simply, if the item isn’t rung-up, it won’t print out. If your barista or cook won’t prepare anything without a receipt (and they shouldn’t!), it will force your cashier to ring everything up.
If you observe that the cash register’s display has been blocked from the customer’s view, or there are an excessive number of no sale indications on your cash register’s detail tape, or notice that your cashier is not shutting the drawer between transactions, beware! While these may not be indisputable proof that your cashier is stealing from you, they should certainly heighten your vigilance to find out if something is going on.
If your coffee business only warrants having one employee working at a time, perhaps because you own a cart, kiosk, or low volume drive-through operation, then how do you go about keeping your employee from building a bank and stealing from you? The best solution I’ve seen is to turn your customers in to watchdogs. Affix a sign to the front of your cash register, in plain sight of the customer, that reads: If you don’t receive a receipt with your order, it’s FREE! This will force your cashier to hand each customer a receipt for their purchase. If they are building a bank, this means they will have to hand the customer a receipt that says – NO SALE; something they probably won’t fell comfortable doing!
The financial impact of theft of money can be extremely damaging, for example: Let’s say you have a cashier who is skimming off $20 a day by not ringing things up, and then pocketing the money. Not only did you loose the stolen $20, but the $7 of ingredients that were probably used to produce the ordered products; ($20 x 35% ingredient cost = $7.00). So in reality, you lost $27, and it will take an additional $41.54 in sales, to recover this loss; ($41.54 x 65% gross profit = $27). $27 a day lost to theft, X 21 days worked by the employee = $567 lost cash & product per month; $872 extra sales required to offset this loss. (Annual loss, $6,804; $10,468 in additional income required to offset loss.) You must stop theft of money!
Theft of money management:
If you have a manger running your operation for you, this can really create an opportunity for cash theft. Just about anyone who has ever run a food service operation (self included), probably felt that they were over-worked and under-paid. Some are tempted to grant themselves an unapproved raise. Your manger has the control key to the cash register, which means they have the ability to back off items that were sold. You would be wise to check your cash register detail tapes on a regular basis. If you see multiple items backed off in groups, or more worrisome yet, all backed off at the very end of the shift, beware!
A good way to keep this from happening is to establish a policy that no over-rings are to be backed off of sales on the cash register with the management control key. Instead, when the cashier makes an over-ring, they should take the receipt, write over-ring on it, sign it, and put it in the cash drawer. At the end of the shift, the total of all over-rings should be manually backed off of the sales total indicated on the cash register report.
Many years ago I had a manager that was stealing money from me in another creative way. This manager, who opened the store each day, would reset the cash register by Z-ing it out after the first half hour of business. He would then pocket the proceeds earned during that first half hour. Because additional sales were generated during the second half hour, the cash register hourly sales report would always show sales for the first hour of operation, thus eliminating any suspicion that something might be going on.
It wasn’t until I was doing a routine audit of cash register Z tapes that I noticed something wasn’t right. When you run a Z report, which resets the cash register at the end of each day, a multi-digit number will usually be printed somewhere on that tape. The next time you Z the register, that number will advance by one digit. I noticed that even though the tapes were sequential in date, every other number was missing. This tipped me off that the register was being Z-ed twice a day! When I confronted my manager with the tapes, his look of panic spoke volumes.
If you are doubting the honesty of any of your employees or managers, one way you can verify or eliminate your suspicion is by baiting the cash drawer. Slip an extra $20 bill in the drawer sometime during the day when they aren’t watching. If they don’t end up reporting at the end of their shift that they were $20 cash-over, I’ll do it a second time (just to make sure). If they don’t report it a second time, you should have no doubts that they are indeed, dishonest.
NEVER accuse an employee or manger of stealing unless you catch them red-handed (actually stuffing money into their pockets). Even though the circumstantial evidence may be overwhelming, unless you actually catch them in the act, they are likely to deny your accusations, and will probably file a complaint against you with the department of labor! The brief moment of satisfaction you will gain from letting them know you are aware of what they’ve been doing, will be quickly overwhelmed by the legal predicament you will find yourself in. You will be far better off to not make accusations. Simply terminate their employment. In many states, you do not need to provide a reason as to why you are letting them go. When they ask for an explanation as to why you are firing them, simply say: I don’t need to give you a reason, I’m just letting you go, goodbye!
Finally, don’t over look technology to help you with security. Surveillance cameras linked to a DVR (digital video recorder) can provide you with peace of mind, or evidence of theft. These systems have become very affordable, and many are easy to install. The value of these cameras go beyond having a video record of operations. The mere fact that employees understand that their activities are being video recorded, will usually discourage them from doing things that they might not think twice about, if no one was watching.
I think it’s important to not be paranoid about employee theft. Certainly, you don’t want to be constantly obsessed with the suspicion that everyone is stealing from you. In reality, the majority of your employees are probably honest people. But, you would be wise to establish some simple safeguards, and maintain a watchful eye.
Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.
When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.
When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.
According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”
Signs of Secure Attachment
The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.
The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain
The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.
Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
feel safe
develop meaningful connections with others
explore our world
deal with stress
balance emotions
experience comfort and security
make sense of our lives
create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.
We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.
For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.
People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.
What is Attachment?
Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.
What is the attachment bond?
The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.
The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
shaping all of our future relationships
strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
manage stress
stay “tuned in” with emotions
use communicative body language
be playful in a mutually engaging manner
be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.
Insecure attachment affects adult relationships
Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond
There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.
Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.
Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.
Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation
As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.
As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.
This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.
We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.
Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.
Differences Between Men And Women
From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.
These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.
The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.
The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.
The Immaturity In Adolescence
Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.
Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.
You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.
Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.
Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity
Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.
“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,
“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.
Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.
It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”
On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.
This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.
But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.
Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.
