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Saving a Long Distance Relationship: How Do You Know When It’s Heading For The Rocks?

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When you or your significant other are forced to move away for whatever reason, the necessity of saving a long distance relationship is the last thing on your mind. However, the chances are that neither of you has any real idea how to make your long distance relationship work.

Initially you’re both head over heels in love and, while you’re sad at the idea of being apart, you’re both determined that nothing will stop you from being together. You make all the usual promises to each other and for a while things are great. The problem is that in all probability you never got down to the nitty gritty reality of what it would actually be like to be hundreds or even thousands of miles apart, so you’re not prepared for the loneliness that inevitably comes as part of a long distance relationship package.

The initial elation and determination to be together no matter what begins to fade slowly and inevitably, and that’s usually when the insecurities start to set in.

You begin wondering what your partner’s up to. Perhaps they don’t appear to be missing you as much as you’re missing them; maybe they’re not available to talk when you need to. If you’re the one left behind you have the added knowledge that your lover has started a new job and of course you imagine them meeting lots of new people and having a really exciting time. Of course it’s not always the person left behind who has the problems. In your relationship, maybe you’re the one starting the new job and you don’t know anybody. Perhaps you think of your partner back at home surrounded by friends and family and you wonder if they are missing you like you’re missing them, or even if they’re thinking of you at all. But whatever your situation, that feeling of insecurity is horrible and so soul destroying.

You want to talk to your partner but you’re struggling to communicate because you’re frightened of the potential fall-out; that if your lover knew how you really felt, then your relationship would end. At this point, saving a long distance relationship is still not on your mind because the chances are that you are burying your head firmly in the sand, not realizing that by not talking to each other, your relationship is heading inexorably to the rocks.

Eventually loneliness gives way to frustration. You’re not getting what you want out of the relationship so you start to become resentful. Very often at this point it becomes all about you – what your lover wants doesn’t seem to matter.

Slowly frustration begins to turn to anger. Everyone around you seems to be in a relationship in which they’re surgically glued to one another’s side. Your friends and family thinks you’re crazy and give you all kinds of well meaning advice; unfortunately, it’s mostly negative and probably doesn’t involve actually saving a long distance relationship!

Whether you recognize it or not, you are now both firmly at the point of desperately needing to save your long distance relationship and, if neither of you take action, you begin to lose all sense of actually being in a relationship at all and drift towards the final stage in any long distance relationship break down – detachment.

One or both of you allow the resentment and frustration to get the better of you and slowly begin to withdraw into yourself. Your communication dwindles to almost non-existent and when you do speak, neither of you have anything to say.

Maybe at this point saving a long distance relationship seems almost impossible with everything seemingly working against you, but before you get on the phone and end it all, I want to say one final thing: It doesn’t have to be like that!

Ask yourselves this question: Do you and your partner love each other? If the answer to that question is ‘yes’ then, believe me you can save your long distance relationship.

If the love is still there underneath all of the crap that has gotten in the way, you really can halt the slide and pull it back together. Distance doesn’t have to be a deal breaker and you don’t have to be in the same room to share that special intimacy.

It won’t happen overnight, but if you’re both truly prepared to work at it, you won’t only be saving a long distance relationship but making it better than you ever thought possible.

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Source by Beverley Watts

Views: 0

February 6, 2020
Emotional Resilience in Children

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Emotional resilience is the ability to cope with stressful life experiences, disappointments, and challenges in an effective and meaningful way that helps to preserve self-esteem, build social aptitude, and prevent frustration, anger, and even depression. Emotional resilience learned early in life assists in recovering from misfortunes and disappointments, thus fostering emotional health.

Teaching your child to be emotionally resilient will help him / her be in control and build confidence to work through challenging situations effectively. Becoming emotionally resilient in childhood will provide a basic foundation for your child's emotional health in adolescence and adulthood.

Emotions shape your child's interactions with others and affect his or her behaviors resulting from those interactions. In order to prevent conflict, or deal with conflict effectively when it arises, your child should learn to understand his or her feelings, be able to identify them, and regulate them. It is important to teach children there is a whole gamut of emotions that can be expressed in various ways. However, knowing how to express them in a meaningful way will help your child in solving social conflicts and maintaining relationships. One way of promoting development of emotional competence is to help your child develop vocabulary that expresses feelings. Parents can also assist their children in recognizing various emotions and teaching them that emotions can be changed by their thinking.

Emotions are driven by behaviors. However, children must learn that emotions should not take control over their actions. It is crucial for children to know that expressing feelings helps in preventing and resolving problems. They need to be taught that bottled-up feelings lead to misunderstandings, anxiety, anger, and depression.

When your child does not express emotions, he or she is more likely to experience angry outbursts that might come from being sad, embarrassed, or frustrated. Perhaps, your child feels guilty about something he or she did, is afraid, or feels helpless and chooses to express those negative feelings of emotional stress with angry outbursts. This inability to deal with stress in a constructive way most of the time stems from the lack of understanding one's own emotions, emotions of others, and lacking the ability to express feelings effectively.

Signs of Emotional Fragility

– Regression of behaviors
– Withdrawal
– Excessive clinginess
– Bedwetting
– Nightmares
– Aggression

One of the most important things a parent can do to foster a child's healthy emotional development is to promote positive family communication. That includes positive reinforcement, which is praising your child for positive behaviors, giving encouragement, and avoidance of negative criticism when expected results are not achieved. Also, providing consistency is extremely important for a child's emotional health, as it aids in avoiding ambiguity and uncertainty. If a child knows what's expected of him or her, they will most likely comply, thus avoiding frustration, anger, and possibly humiliation.

Younger children might be more open and willing to express their feelings. In adolescence, family communication might become more challenging as the teen tries to suppress their feelings in an attempt to resolve them alone. Parenting teenagers requires patience and the ability to be supportive. Frequently, conversation with your teen at home might be extremely difficult. However, your teen may try to open up while riding with you in a car where there is no eye contact, thus the confrontation seems to be less intimidating. Building a sound foundation of emotional resilience in childhood will help your adolescent achieve emotional health. Should getting through to your child become impossible, or he or she becomes withdrawn and exhibits signs of emotional instability, don't be afraid to seek help. You may start by talking to another family member, a friend, or a counselor.

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Source by Monika B. Pis, Ph.D.

Views: 0

February 5, 2020
Caribbean Medical School: Fastest Way to Be a Doctor?

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Caribbean medical schools have long been the butt of jokes but their graduates are the ones having the last laugh. There are thousands of licensed physicians from Caribbean schools practicing all across the country. Over 25% of all doctors in the US are from international schools. Do you know where your primary care physician went to medical school? This is the field where Caribbean graduates are expected to dominate with a large percentage of graduates training in Internal and Family Medicine. They are expected to fill a nationwide shortage that is currently occupied by Physicians Assistants and Nurse Practitioners.

Picture this. A 17 year old high school graduate enrolls in a pre-medical program at a Caribbean university. Schools will automatically accept students to their medical programs as long as they maintain a certain GPA in the pre-program. This means there is no need to take the MCAT so you can save yourself the headaches from preparing for that. The program is completed in 2 years and the student enrolls in the first year of the medical degree program at 19 years old.

Numerous Caribbean schools offer an accelerated curriculum that divide the year into trimesters. Students attend school year round and are able to complete their M.D. in less than 36 months. Not to mention you only spend 18 months studying on the island. The clinical years are spent training alongside American medical student at hospitals in the US. St. George’s medical school has hospital affiliations that match any US school. Our fictional student graduates with his Doctorate in Medicine at the ripe age of 22 (going on 23).

Our new graduate is eligible to practice in any state in the country as long as he attended one of the “Big 4” Caribbean medical schools (St. George’s University, Saba University, Ross University and American University of the Caribbean). Internal Medicine residencies last 3 years so we have a residency trained physician ready for board exams, licenses and employment at a mere 25 years old. Not quite Doogie Howser but it’s impressive to say the least.

This accelerated path also benefits those seeking a new career or chasing their dream of being a doctor. Time is of the essence and wasting summers off in the traditional semester system is not time well spent. Caribbean medical schools are littered with nurses, pharmacists, dentists, chiropractors and many other health care practitioners. Many schools offer several different entrance times during the year giving flexibility for students who want to begin their medical education immediately.

There is risk involved in attending a medical school overseas but there have been thousands who have blazed the trail before you and set the precedent. Caribbean medical schools produce capable physicians and fill an integral need in the health care system of the US.

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Source by Greg Andrew Park

Views: 0

February 5, 2020
Customer Service Tips – How to Handle Irate Customers
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Are you ready to learn how to keep every guest happy? It starts with making sure that your managers are thoroughly trained in every position within your restaurant. They need to know all the jobs, so they can step in if someone calls off sick, or if sales are higher than expected.

The manager needs to be highly trained in excellent customer service. This type of service is called “wow” service because your customers will say “Wow!” about their experience at your restaurant.

One way to easily accomplish that “wow” experience is simply by telling your managers that every time they are in direct contact with any guest, that they are smiling, being friendly and attentive to the guests. If a famous person was coming to your restaurant, how would you treat that person? Every guest should be receive that same VIP treatment.

In case of a dissatisfied, angry, or irate customers, we recommend applying the GLAD technique. This will dramatically decrease customer related matters, and lead to customer recovery.

What is the GLAD Technique?
1. Go to the guest
2. Listen carefully to the guest
3. Apologize to the guest
4. Do what it takes to solve the problem
When approaching the upset customer, always shows genuine concern. It is important to listen to the guest without cutting them off. Make sure that you take the time to fully understand their concerns. Remain calm. Responding to anger in a calm manner may help reduce the person’s anxiety. Don’t be fake, be real.

Always apologize to the guest, even if the customer is wrong. Even when you are certain the person is wrong, go with the mindset that the person is right. Never offer excuses as to why the problem occurred, but offer solutions instead.

Solutions will vary depending on the complaint and the circumstances. Offer a solution and ask if this will meet the customer’s needs. Go above and beyond. Remember, one angry customer leads to other lost customers. Keep in mind that for each customer you lose, you will lose 11 customers within the next few weeks. That number will compound because those 11 people will also repeat what they heard from the first customer. Ultimately you could be losing hundreds of customers because of one dissatisfied customer. If the matter is serious, you could even lose your restaurant’s reputation, and the restaurant could end up being shut down.

Every customer that leaves your restaurant tells family, friends and co-workers about the experience at your restaurant. If the experience was mediocre they won’t say anything, but if it was very good experience at your restaurant they will tell others. If it was a negative experience and they walked out dissatisfied, then the reputation of your restaurant will be impacted. Negative feedback from your customers could mean the end of your business. Don’t underestimate the power of the word-of-mouth effect. Word-of-mouth will work with you or against you depending on the guest’s experience.

Do you really want to lose business because of customer complaints? Teaching effective customer service techniques to your managers and staff should be at the top of your to-do list.

Teach your managers to be proactive in preventing customer related matters. Manager presence in the dining room is a wonderful path to reduce customer complaints. The manager should spend at least 80% of his/her time in the dining room, and only 10% in the manager’s office.

The manager also needs to physically approach each customer’s table to ensure that WOW guest service is in effect. The manager also needs to learn how to detect negative body language and how to express positive body language.

How do customers show their dissatisfaction with their body language?
- When you are in direct eye-to-eye contact, you can witness the anger in the customer’s eyes.
- Seeing untouched food, especially when everybody at the table ate their food, except the one customer who barely touched his or her food.
- The manager asks the customer, “So how was your meal and service tonight?” The customer replies, “It’s okay”. If the customer was fully satisfied with both the service and the meal they may say it was “terrific” or “great,” not just “okay.”
- When you look at a guest and you get an uncomfortable “gut” feeling, act on that feeling.
- You see a customer looking around as though they want someone to help them. You may even see them glaring at a server speaking with other customers.
What is your body language saying?
- Always use direct eye contact when talking to your guests. Never look away while you are talking to your guest. Looking away gives the impression that you are not interested in what the other person has to say.
- Never cross your arms when talking to guests, this could be interpreted as shutting them out or anger.
- Never roll your eyes, as this is very disrespectful and it appears that you are belittling their concerns.
- Constantly listen to the guest even if they are angry. It may help to allow the person to vent their anger. Always acknowledge their feelings.
- Ask the customer what would improve the visit to your restaurant.
What do you do with Moody Customers?

This is your opportunity to turn around the customer’s mood from a bad to good. Make certain that you are on top of things and pay attention to details. If you have any concerns about their experience, you may even offer the table a free appetizer or dessert. It may seem like you are losing money by “giving away” food or “discounting” their meals; however, you will lose more money from each lost customer than you will for that one food item or meal. If you successfully turn things around, then you may create repeat business. Kindness and consideration of their needs will often overcome their anger.

A wise person said, “How you handle positive feedback is important, but it is more important to know how to handle negative feedback.” Make sure you tell the customers that you appreciate the fact that they took the time to tell you about their experience. Don’t make excuses, instead find solutions. Don’t disagree with the customer, even if you know the guest is wrong.

If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them again and again.

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Source by Donna Schim

Views: 0
February 5, 2020
Repricing on Health Insurance Claims

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We have all heard the stories of the emergency room claim that cost $10,000 for a broken thumb, or the person who had to file bankruptcy from the huge bill while using a network outside of their HMO. These stories have been the fuel for arguments on what should be done with our Nation’s healthcare system. The truth is these stories occur more than most people realize, and many have misconceptions on how this happens. This is why it is crucial to have the right billing network to take advantage of most favorable, predetermined pricing available.

Lets take a look at a couple of scenarios where one person is stuck with a high medical bill and the other is protected. Suppose that two people walk into an emergency room for the same injury, one having adequate health insurance and the other having none. The emergency room is going to immediately know that each patient will be billed differently. The person with the right network billing plan will be able to take advantage of a nationwide network, allowing predetermined pricing for most any medical condition you can name. The other will be at the mercy of what the emergency room decides to charge. Depending on the medical condition, the difference of what is paid out could be upwards of tens of thousands of dollars. The catch is, in order to receive this predetermined billing you must have access to the participating billing network.

When you take a closer look at how these billing networks work it becomes clear where you may be exposed, especially on smaller networks. No one knows this better than the self employed and those who do not get insurance offered through work. When an individual purchases health insurance on the exchange (Healthcare.gov), the only network options available in Texas are HMO, or restricted networks. These networks are formed for the insurance company and the medical institution to share losses, while hoping to bring in excess volume of patients to offset the claims. Even these smaller type of HMO networks can have big holes in their billing networks. For example, if an individual has a surgery within their HMO network they may still have an unpleasant surprise when the final bill comes. Although their surgeon is likely covered, both the anesthesiologist and the surgical tools rented for the surgery might fall out of the billing HMO network, causing thousands of dollars to be paid by the patient. You guessed it, not a word of warning, just a bill that the health insurance will not cover well after the surgery.

The only way to avoid a small HMO network pricing trap is to take advantage of much larger billing networks, allowing you to avoid the uncovered pitfalls. These larger networks, or providers, can have hundreds of thousands of doctors and medical institutions participating coast to coast. Many of these nationwide networks make it mandatory for their preferred discount to be the primary, or front runner, method of billing, protecting the patient’s financial interests from any threat of overpricing. In fact, these predetermined pricing modules are so accurate some insurance companies form their coverage to mirror the preferred billing, therefore limiting the out of pocket expense by thousands of dollars. Those who utilize this service can rest easy knowing that their interests will be protected moving forward from the right billing network with unrestricted networks nationwide.

Although these billing network giants are elusive in today’s ACA health insurance environment, they do exist across the nation, Texas included. In fact, I have helped dozens and dozens of clients take advantage of these unrestricted networks over the last few months alone, at much more reasonable premiums than ACA policies. It is important to consider the network billing plans when choosing the right heath insurance plan for your family, especially for those who do not qualify for a subsidy (Federal income credit given to those with limited financial means). It is extremely important to speak to a health insurance professional who has access to these unrestricted billing networks, in order to protect your financial interests.

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Source by Cal J Burgess

Views: 0

February 4, 2020
How to Lose 50 Pounds in 11 Weeks – 5 Things You Must Do

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Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks can seem like a formidable task, but I assure you it can be done.

I’m assuming you’re not interested in using weight loss pills, appetite suppressants, surgery or any of that other junk to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks, which is good…’cos I hate those things. Don’t get me wrong, they have their place in certain situations, but in most cases, are an unnecessarily extreme measure.

When you consider that a gastric bypass operation can cost anywhere between $25,000 to $35,000 US dollars, you have to question whether the advice given to some folks to go through with it is in their best interests or that of the surgeon and his pocket.

Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks may be a tough challenge but there are a few things you can do to make your life easier.

Here are 5 top tips you should follow when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

1) Believe in yourself / set goals

The first and most important thing is getting in the right frame of mind. This may sound strange since you already know you want to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…so what do I mean?

Well, don’t worry, I’m not gonna go all Tony Robbins on you and get you jumping up and down in a euphoric state (although there is some truth to that). Rather, I’m saying that you need a clear picture of where you want to be, and focus on it. You need to feel like you’ve already managed to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…think about it…how does it really feel. Are your work colleagues inspired and envious of your new body and transformation? Do you have the confidence that you were lacking to ask out that hot guy or gal you’ve had your eye on for like forever?

Only by picturing it in your mind will you be able to set goals for your success and believe that you can and will lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The goals will be the checkpoints on your journey, the self-belief will be the fuel that keeps you going.

2) Find a good trainer and surround yourself with good like-minded people

This is an essential and often overlooked part of trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. A lot of people don’t realise that who they surround themselves with plays a huge part in their self-belief, attitude, and overall motivation and determination. It has been said that a person is the average of the 5 or 10 people they hang around with the most, and this regards health, wealth, ambition, aspiration, relationships, family etc. This is not a hard and fast rule, but I feel there is some truth to it.

Trying to lose a lot of weight quickly will be demanding and therefore you want to surround yourself with positive folks who are rooting for you, and not people who are waiting for you to fail, so they can say “I told you so!”

Now, I’m not saying you should just give up and avoid your family and friends, but rather to seek out folks who have similar goals, and understand your situation. Finding people who have been where you are now and achieved your goals can give you a real push to do the same. Why do you think things like Weight Watchers clubs are so successful? It’s because they bring all these people together and they help each other out.

Where can you find these people? There are loads of forums online where you can find people who are trying to lose weight. Just going to Google or Yahoo and typing something like “weight loss + forum” (without the quotes) will yield all sorts of great things. There are also loads of weight loss and fitness programs online that you can follow to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

The same applies to your trainer, coach, or workout program that you choose to follow. Are they supportive yet ambitious, pushing you on when things get tough? If not, find one that is.

3) Eat a healthy diet

Obviously, diet and nutrition is fundamentally important when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. Taking on too many calories will mean you always put on weight, period. Therefore, you will need to create a caloric deficit, by taking on fewer calories than you burn, forcing your body to burn up the fat deposits and use it as energy.

Finding the right diet is important, and many folks go about it the wrong way. Starving yourself is a big no-no. You may lose a few pounds in the first few days, but it won’t last, as your body will transition into starvation mode and slow down your metabolism to burn less fat (it’s your in-built survival mechanism), making it even harder to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

So what can you do? Eat more! Yes, by eating smaller meals more regularly you will maintain your metabolism at a higher rate, and this, combined with exercise, will help you lose the pounds faster.

Green fibrous vegetables like broccoli, green beans, asparagus and lettuce are great healthy foods that can actually help you to burn fat, and it’s almost impossible to overeat on them. Eating more of them in the later part of the day along with a good lean protein like chicken breast is one of the best methods of getting lean as quickly as possible, and losing 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

4) Follow a good exercise plan

Without exercise, even the best diet plan in the world will struggle to help you lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. You need to exercise in order to get the full benefit of the caloric deficit we mentioned earlier. It will create the furnace where you burn off those unwanted pounds.

Regular exercise also aids the mind, confidence and overall health. By tightening up, toning and growing your muscle, you also help your body to burn fat faster. Did you know that muscle can actually help you burn fat? So the more muscle you have the more fat you can burn, because your metabolism will work faster with more muscle.

Find a good training and exercise plan, with a good variety of cardiovascular work for your overall fitness, endurance and toning exercises like pushups and sit-ups, and some light weight training.

5) Stick to it!

This is the most important and often the hardest thing when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The best diet, exercise routine, trainer, and goals, mean nothing without the small action of going and actually doing it. Things may get tough over the next 11 weeks, but sticking to it and following through will show results, and you’ll be amazed at what you achieve. Once you see a little success you’ll be hungry for more and then it’ll be so hard to stop the momentum you build up, that 50 pounds in 11 weeks will seem like a piece of cake!

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Source by John Wheeler

Views: 0

February 4, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Important MLM Training Tip – How To Find Your Best Prospects

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This might be one of the most important online MLM training articles you will ever read on the subject of how to go about getting the best MLM prospects. Who do you think are the best candidates to join your program?

Do you want a hint? Think in terms of any company hiring new workers. What is the main question they ask to their applicants? If you said something pertaining to what kind of previous experience they have, then give yourself a hearty pat on the back. No matter what the business is, past experience is a really big advantage and network marketing is no exception. Here we are, only in paragraph # 2, & you’ve already learned a really vital MLM training tip.

Another group that is just as good as someone with MLM experience is Internet marketers have never have dealt with a pay plan that is on multiple levels. So now that you are aware that your best MLM prospects are people with I. M. Or MLM experience, you just need to learn where to find them.

Well, you won’t find at your next family get together. You won’t find them on the line buying food at the store and you won’t find them wasting your money buying biz opp leads. You can only find them by leveraging the massive power of the Internet. This is because the Internet is global and millions of your targeted prospects are on it every day.

Believe it or not, they are seeking you out at this very second. It’s true. Lots of MLM marketers aren’t happy with their current program and they are actively looking around for their next one. They are at Google and other search engines, constantly looking for you. You are going to use SEO, search engine optimization, (especially keyword research) to help let them find you.

You want to get to Google’s keyword tool. Just Google, KEYWORD TOOL. When you are there, start thinking of keywords, (search terms) that you would imagine people would use when they are looking for a new MLM program, like the one you are in. This tool, not only provides you the numbers for how many searches those keywords get every month, but also gives you a lot of other related keywords, and their search numbers as well.

Naturally, everybody searching for an MLM company is not someone who has past experience, but you better believe that many of them do have it. Also, ask yourself if you are going to deny anyone from joining your downline, just because they do not have yet have experience. The answer should be, no.

By the way, you can think of search terms that would primarily be used by people who have experience. For example, BETTER MLM, is most likely indicative that the person is searching for a program that is better than the one she currently has, (or that she previously had.) This keyword, by the way, currently shows 480 monthly searches, which is well over the 200 minimum searches you usually will look for.

Now you need to research how much competition this keyword has. Go to the normal Google page and use “quote marks” and type it in, like this: “better mlm”. It will list the number of results under the search box. If that number is less than 40,000, you should use it.

So, then go to article directories and publish articles with your targeted keyword in the title and sprinkled throughout the article about 1 time for every 100 words. A three to five hundred word article is long enough. Discuss more than just your program. Establish yourself as a credible source of information. Provide some MLM training or your favorite MLM tip, etc. In the last paragraph you can link to your website for more information.

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Source by Joe LoBalsamo

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
Gifts of a Sand Dollar

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I guess this New York City girl is now a nature enthusiast to the extreme! Our recent sand dollar experience proves it.

Do you remember that famous story about a girl that throws a starfish back into the sea one at a time along the shoreline? When the girl was told by an onlooker that what she was doing wouldn’t matter much, she replied “it matters to that one” and threw another starfish back into the sea.

Well, I have a sand dollar story to share. The other day we happened upon a little island while boating and we couldn’t believe how many live sand dollars were in the water and on the sand, green, fuzzy and thriving. They weren’t white and dry like you buy them in a store. My kids were really interested in them and so were we adults, actually. Other kids were getting them out of the water and hauling them home, showing them off to us, and even offering them to us. My family enjoyed holding them and looking at them, but then we’d each throw the sand dollars back into the water… to keep on living… and we left with only memories as souvenirs.

Now I wasn’t always like this. In fact, when I was a teen, my folks took me to the Bahamas and we had some natives dive down and get us a couple of starfish that we brought back as souvenirs. Back then it seemed like the most normal thing to want to do. I still remember the shock on my kids’ faces when they first would hear about my youthful vacation and the starfish experience, though. They invariably asked why would I do that because didn’t it kill the starfish? Boy that made me feel lousy.

Turns out they had a very good point. I’ve learned from life, from my kids, I don’t know from where else exactly but now I feel the same way as the kids do. I wonder, why DID I want to do that? Oh well, the past is done. But now, we CAN save the sand dollars (and the starfish) one at a time at least.

I guess the other day we all just wanted to save this little bit of marine life. We cared about the little guys in nature. I thought, “now what would happen if ALL the people who came here took the sand dollars out to keep as souvenirs? Then we wouldn’t have had the special magic we found for a little while together on that little strip of sand and sea. And my teenager wouldn’t have said “That was cool, let’s go back there. I liked all the sand dollars that live there”. This straight from the mouth of a known computer enthusiast who spends as much time as possible accompanied by his computer!

With each passing year I can better see the importance of protecting and trying to save the environment and wildlife. Have I been better educated? Am I just more mature? Maybe. But I think it’s more because I can see the picture better through the eyes of my children who seem to see the world through a special focus and help me to see some facets that I might otherwise miss.

So let’s not give up caring for the environment just because we think we can’t save it all or make a big enough impact. If we each do our small part, then we’ll be able to help keep nature’s magic around for ourselves and for our future generations to learn from and enjoy. We’ll play a supporting role in the drama of our living environment when we choose to receive and give… the gifts of a sand dollar.

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Source by Liz Hekimian-Williams

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
The 8 P’s of Success

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Every time I try to cook rice, I either end up having mini popcorns or my rice end up turning into a thick paste of porridge. Trust me, I have tried and you can say I haven’t succeeded yet. Success, according to Oxford dictionary, is achieving something that you have been trying to do or get. Though this is not exhaustive, here are the 8 P’s of Success.

1. Purpose

Find and have something worth living and dying for. Your purpose could be raising your children or making a difference in other people’s lives. When you find your purpose, life takes on a new and different meaning.

2. Passion

Sleep, walk, talk and see yourself achieving your vision and goals. Say you want to be a better parent or salesperson, the more you repeat and affirm this to yourself and those near you, the better off you are. Constant affirmations help to remind us of our goals.

3. Persistence

Don’t give up even when you don’t see results. Most of the time, results don’t appear in relation to the efforts you might be putting into achieving your desired goals. The good thing is; something is happening beneath the surface and you need to keep doing your best in order to see your desired results.

4. Practice

Keep working. We have all heard the saying, if at first you don’t succeed; keep trying, again and again. Constant practice helps teach us how to do it better. Make sure you keep going whether there are results or not.

5. Patience

Be patient with those who should (but don’t understand) your vision or goal. And above all, be patient with yourself. Often when people don’t affirm us or fail to recognize and appreciate our efforts, it isn’t cause we are failures. It could be because they don’t understand know how best to encourage or affirm us. Look at it this way. The fact that you are having an umbrella doesn’t stop the rain from falling from the skies! You should, in like manner keep going.

6. People

Have people around you, even those you cannot stand because they will help you to improve. Seek their opinion, listen and soldier on knowing that no man has succeeded in becoming an island. Read books, listen to audio tapes, ask questions and attend motivational speaking engagements.

7. Prayer

Involve God in everything you do by seeking His guidance, provision, wisdom and the grace to keep going on.

8. Plunge in

Launch into what you want to do and just get it done. Do not give procrastination a foothold in your life. Do not wait for the perfect and ideal situation, environment or time. Just go for it and give it your best. Remember, you don’t have to see it on your family tree to attempt it.

“The person you struggle with the most, has the most to teach you… about yourself.” – Shawne Duperon

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Source by James Odhiambo

Views: 0

February 3, 2020