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Relationship Secrets – How to Stay Happy

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You found that someone special. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person. You know that being able to spend the rest of your life together is your idea of bliss. But we all know there are no guarantees in life. So, how can you make sure you both stay happy, each with the other? What are the secrets to staying happy and content in your relationship? This article provides five relationship secrets to keeping your relationship amazing.

Relationship Secret #1: Quality Couple Time

One of the greatest secrets in keeping a relationship healthy and strong is to spend quality time together, doing the things you both love together. That might mean a quiet evening at home. It might mean going ballroom dancing. It might mean dinner and a movie. The more quality time you have together, the more warm loving memories you co-create. The more warm loving memories you both share, the stronger your relationship will be.

Relationship Secret #2: Communicate Openly with Genuine Concern, Each for the Other

Perhaps the most important relationship secret is the imperative for both members of a couple to dialogue openly with one another, each with a genuine concern for the feelings, wishes, needs and desires of the other. You may not always agree with each other, but when you dialogue with a genuine concern for one another, you will always find that mutually agreeable way forward. And, in so doing, you will both co-create a strong foundation for a lifetime of happiness together.

Relationship Secret #3: Keep Your Partner ‘Safe’

An extension of the second relationship secret, is to keep your partner ‘safe’. This means that when you are both with family and friends, you take a united stand with your life partner. Similarly, if they are going through a difficult situation, you let your partner know that you will always be there for them. It might be as simple as giving them a hug and standing right beside them if/when they have to face a previous partner.

Relationship Secret #4: Make Each Other Your GO TO Person

This relationship secret builds on the second and third ones. When you create an environment of open dialogue, and you both feel ‘safe’, you will become each other’s GO TO person when there are personal or professional problems to address. Each time you seek each other’s help with a problem, you strengthen your coupledom bond even further. On the receiving side of the equation, you feel your partner’s love. On the giving side of the equation, you experience the joy in being able to help your partner through a tough problem.

Relationship Secret #5: Do Things Just Because Your Partner Will Love It

Finally, you will make your life partner’s day when you do things for them, simply because you know how much your partner will love it. You can be really creative in finding more ways to put a delighted smile on your partner’s face.

And when you do things because you know how much your partner will love it, you may be delighted to find that your life partner will spontaneously do something special for you too. This is not a case of quid pro quo. Instead, it is a matter of doing something special for your partner because you enjoy seeing the delighted smile on your partner’s face. In turn, your partner will want to do something equally special to see the delighted smile on your face.

These five secrets are very powerful. And yet, they are just the beginning. The longer you have been part of a couple, the more skilled you both become in nurturing one another’s happiness. So, start with these five secrets, be creative and go from there. Your relationship will be better for it.

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Source by Dr. Rachel Abramson, Ph.D

Views: 0

November 12, 2022
Money Is Actually Important

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“If you think that money is not important, you don’t have any”

After hearing the panelist make this comment, I immediately looked around the room to see who he just offended. Although I agree with him, I was surprised to hear him make such a strong comment in such a public forum. The truth is, this type of belief makes people without money, and no plans to get it, feel better. I have heard this a thousand times from family and friends when the topic of money comes up.

I remember growing up and watching the movie “Can’t Buy Me Love” in school. The basic idea of the movie is that an unpopular male high schooler is desperate for approval and pays the lead cheerleader to date him for a month; or to at least make it look as though they are dating. This way he will become popular, which was a guarantee of his happiness. The result was that she starts to fall for him and he does in fact become popular. The popularity however, does not make him happy. In fact, the lesson was that money cannot buy you happiness. He was much happier with his original relationships than he was with the new ones from the “cool crowd”. I was in elementary school when this movie was shown to my class and I still remember it.

I have always believed that money cannot buy happiness and that I could honestly be fulfilled without it, but I still wanted it and I still pursued it. I focused a huge part of my life to attain it and now, after all the years of hard work and struggle, I am glad I did. I live a very happy and fulfilled life, and money enhances it.

I relate money to alcohol. Alcohol, when consumed responsibly, can enhance an experience. It can make challenging situations easier and it can bond people together. It can also ruin your life! A difference of course, is that alcohol is much easier to get, but outside of that, there are a lot of similarities. They both are enhancers and they both can be addictive. They both can ease stress, but they both can create stress too. I know rich people that are miserable, and I know rich people that are happy. The money does not create one or the other.

There was a time as I was trying to create wealth that I lost almost everything financially. I went through an extremely challenging time in my business and my personal financial life. I stopped answering the phone because I knew it was debt collectors on the other end. I learned a great deal with this experience. One thing I know for sure is that I never want to be broke again. Although I believe having money is not a guarantee to happiness, not having money is a guarantee of at least some stress and pain. It is possible to be happy without money, but it is a hell of a lot easier with it. Money is important.

From my experience, the only sure-fire way to happiness is through solid relationships. These days I spend a lot more energy strengthening relationships with friends and family that make me happy. I also focus on limiting time and energy into relationships that drain me or do not make me happy. This is tough to do, but the results are positive. Over the years in business, my circle of friends has shifted to more supportive and positive people. This happened organically, but now that I am aware of it, I can focus on it. The real estate industry has been good to me in many ways, but the most important is the people that I have met and that I now spend time with. Some of the most generous, supportive, and amazing people in the world are real estate investors. It is helpful to have a little extra cash to have amazing experiences with people I want to be around.

It is true money alone will not make you happy, but it sure helps. Money is important.

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Source by Kevin Amolsch

Views: 1

November 11, 2022
What is the Ultimate Lifestyle?

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Since the mission of this newsletter is to help you define,

carve out, and live your own Ultimate Lifestyle, I figured I

should devote some space to laying a proper foundation for

doing that.

Before you can hit a target, you need to know where it is!

So, to begin, let’s answer the question:

What is The Ultimate Lifestyle?

First of all, it’s different for different people. There are

no rules or formulas. For some people, it means a lot of

money, lots of “stuff,” a fast-paced and “jet-set” sort of

lifestyle. For others, it means a very simple, slow-paced

life that focuses on service to others. And for others, it’s

every possible scenario in between these two “extremes.”

There’s no right or wrong lifestyle, or good or bad

lifestyle.

There’s just what works for you — and it will likely change

over time. I know it has for me.

No matter how you end up defining Ultimate Lifestyle for

yourself, now and in the future, there are 8 components that

must be considered:

1) Income Streams

To live your Ultimate Lifestyle, you must have income

streams flowing that allow you to pay your bills and finance

all the “extras” you prefer. To me, the ultimate target to

shoot for in this arena is to have income streams flowing

whether you “show up” for “work” or not, so you can choose

what you want to show up for (even if it continues to be

what you call “work” or a “job.”).

That’s what I’ve been able to achieve by applying my

Invisible Path/11th Element strategies combined with direct

marketing on and off the Internet.

Having income streams flowing whether you show up or now

seems like “pie in the sky” to many people, but it’s

actually very attainable in today’s world. You’ll learn more

about how to do it in future issues.

2) Emotions and Beliefs

Many people fail to create their Ultimate Lifestyle because

they have emotional blocks, issues, or beliefs (what I call

“p.s’s.” or “master biography files”) that hold them back.

Other people have produced extraordinary results and could

live their Ultimate Lifestyle, but their blocks, issues or

beliefs prevent them from doing it — or fully enjoying it.

Therefore, living The Ultimate Lifestyle must include having

access to resources and inner skills that allow you to

uncover and remove, heal, or release any blocks, issues or

beliefs that hold you back. You’ll learn more about how to

do that in future issues.

3) Fulfillment and Satisfaction

Whether you have a 9-5 job and career, you’re a full-time

mom, or whatever you do with your time, a big part of living

The Ultimate Lifestyle means getting as much fulfillment and

satisfaction from what you spend your time on as possible.

Many people don’t ask for this, don’t focus on this, and

therefore don’t get it. You must make it part of your

intention and focus!

4) Living Environment

How and where do you want to live? In the mountains? In the

big city? On the water? Multiple homes? Do you want to live

in a big home or a small home? Is privacy or seeing

beautiful scenery out your windows important to you? Do you

like modern furnishings, antiques, or an eclectic mix?

Living the Ultimate Lifestyle means asking these questions

and having a home base that nourishes you at a very deep

level. My family recently moved to Charlottesville, Virginia

in pursuit of the nourishing living environment we craved —

and we got it, even better than we expected!

5) Relationships

What good is having income streams, a healthy emotional

life, empowering belief systems, a great living environment,

and a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction from how you

spend you time if you’re alone (and don’t want to be) or

your relationships with significant others (parents,

siblings, kids, associates, etc.) are a mess? Believe me, I

know about this one from long personal experience (before

meeting my wife, Cecily).

Therefore, living The Ultimate Lifestyle must include having

access to resources and inner skills that allow you to

attract, build, and maintain healthy relationships.

6) Health

Again, what good is having income streams, a healthy

emotional life, empowering belief systems, a great living

environment, fulfillment and satisfaction, and great

relationships if you have health problems that drag your

quality of life into the gutter?

Dr. Robert Lindberg says, “We spend most of our life gaining

wealth and we then spend most of our wealth on gaining back

our health.”

Living The Ultimate Lifestyle means having access to

knowledge, resources, and skills that allow you to get

healthy, stay healthy, and quickly resolve difficulties if

and when they arise. I discussed some of the resources I use

for this in previous issues, and will continue to share them

in future issues,

7) Time

You can have income streams, a healthy emotional life,

empowering belief systems, a great living environment,

fulfillment and satisfaction, great relationships and health

and if you don’t have any time to do what you love, to

follow your non-work passions, or to truly enjoy anything,

what’s the point? I know many people who could absolutely be

living their Ultimate Lifestyle, but they choose to work too

much, to the detriment of their quality of life. That’s too

bad — to have the choice and ability and not do it.

8) Wealth Building, Management, and Responsibility

The final component to living The Ultimate Lifestyle is

having systems in place that allow you to use your income

streams to create wealth (as you define it), manage it, grow

it, protect it, structure your financial and business

affairs for maximum efficiency and personal benefit, and

find ways of contributing and giving back (if that’s

important to you, which it is to me and my wife).

I’ll be writing a follow up article, called “The fuel that drives the Ultimate Lifestyle” shortly.

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Source by Bob Scheinfeld

Views: 0

November 11, 2022
Secrets of MLM Multi Level Marketing in Asia

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Many Multi Level Marketers are looking to Asia as a place to expand their down line. Indeed this is a very smart move for a whole lot of reasons. For instance there are more people who are in those nations than in the United States. In Asian countries MLM makes more sense due to the culture and the open-air markets and the way people socialize.

In Asian markets Multi Level Marketing is growing quite fast along with “Buzz Marketing” in Japan with the younger teens and young adults, mostly due to culture. In the United States people are different, family members are not as close as they probably should be, and I am not talking about you if you are an American, so do not take this personally. I am sure “you’re okay” and I know “I am Okay,” but MLM really seems to work better in other types of cultures.

This is not to say that MLM does not work well in the United States, as there is evidence of a some folks who have indeed become wealthy doing it. Of course some of those who do not make much doing it are partly caught up in the stigma from negative things being said, detractors, regulatory agency warnings and a few abuses of the past. Some MLM companies have in the past peddled it like “snake skin oil” or cows that have been at the watering hole too long, you see?

In many Asian markets there is less awareness of this and therefore it is less likely to be immediately rejected. Compounded with the fact that in Asia family and friends cultural society norms are much different you see? So if you are considering expanding an MLM business you should consider some of your future down line to be in Asia. Think on this in 2006.

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Source by Lance Winslow

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

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I sometimes hear from wives who are fairly certain that their husband is going to leave them. Some of them just have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving out. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them concede that the marriage does have problems, but most don’t believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most of the wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that is left in the marriage, and try to salvage their family. The wife usually figures that if the love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes, the husband clues in on this, begins to pull away, and starts to make the wife worry that he no longer loves her in the way that he used to. So, she puts two and two together and starts to believe that if she can just make him “love her more,” then he won’t want to leave any longer.

She might say, “I can tell by the way that my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know that it’s not just my imagination – because, in the past, he has talked about moving out. First, he was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I am pretty sure that he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got ill, so he had to deal with that. At this point, I just want to make him love me more so that I don’t have to deal with this moving out threat every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that are going to discourage him from moving out. How do I increase his love for me so that he won’t want to move out?”

Why You Don’t Want To Let Any Hint Of Manipulation Into This Mix: This situation is so tricky on so many levels. First of all, the second that you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of both manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat annoyed, knowing that his wife is trying to “make” him do something is not going to bring about loving feelings. It is usually going to encourage him to do just the opposite – he might instead back away and retreat. Worse, he may then limit your access to him, which suddenly makes your job a lot harder.

Take Stock Of What Is Positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still in your home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would leave and would not let anything stop him – regardless of the holidays or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the timing or the details second. I’m not saying that he’s happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be dire just yet. You may still have time.

I know that your inclination right now is to panic and to pressure your husband more. These are the last things that you should do. Think about what attracted your husband to you initially. It probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to lay claim on him and to hold him in a tight grasp. No, it was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he talked and who expected the same from him.

Fixing What Is Fixable: One really good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often, it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that draws out the feelings within it. You can have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you are fighting. The very best thing that you can do is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to loving feelings and then remove what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that it drives your husband crazy when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can – and this is normally your behavior, not his.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Family Medicine And Family Physicians

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To become a family physician, men and women go through a four-year degree program, they study in an accredited family medical medicine residency program, and an additional three years of training before becoming board certified. A family physician is your one-stop healthcare expert. They treat everyone in the family and they exam, research, and diagnose medical conditions from head to toe. This type of care is called integrated care where a family doctor devises individualized health plans to treat mom, dad, and children of all ages. Family doctors treat a wide range of health conditions and they can be your primary care physicians at any point in your life. Unlike other specialties, family medicine involves coordinating all types of healthcare issues, from a common cold, pregnancies, to treating an acute or chronic illness.

Family physicians must practice at the highest level of medical care throughout the world. They are required to become re-certified around every six years, through American institutions like The American Board of Family Medicine, The American Academy of Family Physicians or the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education, all of which have reciprocity agreements throughout the globe for family medicine training. A few of the advantages in being seen by a primary care physician, includes the following:

• family doctors have all of your personal and family medical history because they have been treating you for years.

• physicians that have seen generations of family members can help in researching various genetic diseases, like cancer, if it appears more than once in a generation.

• doctors involved in family medicine environments can perform minor surgical procedures without the added cost of seeing a specialist.

• they improve the lives of the underserved in America and abroad.

Research and clinical studies have proven that US and worldwide primary care physicians have been responsible for lowering the world mortality rates in diseases, such as in cardiovascular diseases, cancer, diabetes, low birth weight issues, obesity, and many other illnesses and health conditions. The statistical results associated with the care provided by family physicians, have proven that they help to increase life spans and control diseases from spreading. Their participation in healthcare has reduced healthcare expenditures, they help to lower hospital admissions, emergency room admissions, and they help to reduce surgical costs.

A family doctor focuses on preventive care, community oriented care, global health, plus they diagnose and manage a wide range of health problems to improve the quality of care in local, rural, urban, and large city health. Even if people are generally healthy, patients benefit by keeping a relationship with their primary care physicians. The physicians support individuals to stay healthy through dietary programs, they encourage their patient's to exercise to stay physically and mentally healthy.

One of the main reasons that family medicine works, is the relationship that patients have with their doctors. This specialized and confidential relationship is great for individuals who feel comfortable in talking about their medical health with their physicians. Physicians around the world, are available to answer their patient's questions in a way that forms a trusting bond. This bond creates a trusting relationship, whereby patients will listen and follow their healthcare provider's advice and directions, thus decreasing chances of spreading contagions .

Family medicine is all about treating the whole person, not just their symptoms. A family physician has a profound effect on the physical, mental, environmental, emotional, and spiritual health of each of their patient's. Physicians with an intimate knowledge of their patients can help introduce the healing power of hope, love, faith, and trust, as life presents challenges that can evoke depression, fear, grief, and anger. Also, if a physician's patient requires the need to see a specialist, a family doctor will help coordinate your care. Patients can often feel frustrated and confused when they have to manage the healthcare system on their own. With a family healthcare provider on your side, the whole medical care journey is made easier and less frightening of the unknown.

Refugees have always fled to foreign countries, including the US for a chance of better opportunities for themselves and their family. The present global news events are following refugees today, who are fleeing from their native countries for various reasons. Before being accepted for resettlement, all refugees must pass medical screening examinations, which is often performed by primary care physicians. The physicians perform a thorough examination of a variety of health problems that involve the mental and social health of the refugees. The family doctor's check for infectious diseases, chronic illnesses, the refugee's overall musculoskeletal system, and parasites, thus providing immunizations. The information that they gather is shared with that country main health agency, which in the US Is the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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Source by Ryan A Buffington

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Can Emotional Pain Build-Up If Someone Doesn’t Have A Strong Connection With Their Body?

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After someone has experienced loss, they could end up experiencing emotional pain. When it comes to how severe this pain is, it can all depend on who has passed on.

So, if a family member has passed on, the amount of pain that they are in could be unbearable. Through being in so much pain, one could reach out for the support of family and friends.

Additional Help

This might not be enough, though, and one might end up reaching out for professional assistance. Perhaps their friends and their family are unable to be there for them on a regular basis.

It could be said that this is just part of life as these people are going to have their own responsibilities to deal with. There is also the chance that these people are also in a lot of pain and haven’t always got the energy to be there for them.

The Sensible Approach

The main thing here is that one will be embracing how they feel, and this will allow them to gradually embrace life once again. This doesn’t mean that they will ever ‘get over’ what took place; what it means is that they won’t stay stuck in this emotional place forever.

Additionally, one may also allow themselves to cry when they need to or during certain times. What this will illustrate is that one has a healthy relationship with the emotional part of their being.

Just One Example

If this is the case, it is going to be normal for them to embrace how they feel. Therefore, regardless of whether someone passes on, a relationship comes to an end, or something else takes place that has an impact on them, they will go with how they feel.

It is not going to be an issue for them to cry or to get angry, for instance, which may generally stop too much emotional pain from building-up inside their body. This is going to allow them to operate as whole human being.

Two Sides

Of course, there will be times when facing how they feel will be hard, even overwhelming, but it will be worth it. The reason for this is that having a good connection with their feelings will benefit their life in a myriad of ways.

For one thing, it will give them the ability to form deeper connections with others, and this wouldn’t be possible if they were emotionally disconnected. Also, their feelings will give them the guidance that they need to live a fulfilling.

A Different Experience

For someone else, it could be normal for them to deny how they feel after they have experienced loss. It is then not going to matter what kind of loss takes place as they will respond in the same way.

Through taking this approach, they may believe that the emotional pain they were in has simply disappeared. Yet, although it may seem as though is the case, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Disconnected

In reality, their mind will have lost touch with their body and this part of them will still be carrying their feelings. However, as their point of awareness is generally in their head, this is unlikely to occur to them.

To maintain the illusion that they have created, it will be vital for them to do what they can to stay out of their body. If this doesn’t take place and they were to get back in there, they would end up being overwhelmed by emotional pain.

Twp Parts

Living on the surface of themselves may allow them to be successful when it comes to their career, for instance, but it unlikely that they will be able to experience intimacy or to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. It could also be a real challenge for them to relax and to just be; if they were to settle down, all the pain that is inside them could start to rise up.

Being on the go just about all of the time, acting like a ‘human doing’ as opposed to a ‘human being’, will be a way for them to avoid themselves. Nonetheless, this kind of behaviour is often seen as a sign that someone is ‘driven’ or has ‘high self-esteem’, so very few people are likely to realise that something isn’t right.

What’s going on?

If someone has the tendency to avoid how they feel as an adult and to live in their head, this could be something that has taken place for as long as they can remember. Perhaps, their early years were a time when they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed to develop in the right way.

As a result of this, leaving their body and getting into their head would have been the only way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed. The years will then have passed, but staying out of their body will still be a way for them to stop themselves from being taken out by how they feel.

A Build-Up

Their body can then carry the emotional pain that they avoided as a child and it can carry all of the pain that they have avoided as an adult. The longer they avoid themselves in this way, the more pain there will be.

With this is mind, the sooner that they face this pain the better it will be. Facing this pain is what will allow them to not just look whole on the outside, but to feel whole on the inside.

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Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Source by Oliver JR Cooper

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Words Can Help Heal – Sending a Pet Loss Card

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Anyone that has ever owned a pet knows that no matter how small an animal is, they each have their very own personality. Pets appreciate you. They look forward to seeing you daily. They make you feel wanted and needed. They can get you out of a funk. It is no wonder that we get attached to our pets.

Losing a pet is one of the hardest things that a pet owner will ever have to face. When someone loses a husband, a parent, or a child, we automatically think to send a card. We sometimes underestimate the importance of sending a pet loss card to a loved one. It is equally important to show you care by sending a heartfelt message. Simple words can mean so much to someone. It is comforting to a person who has lost a pet to know that their loved ones recognize their loss and respect their feelings of grief. The support of close friends and family during any loss can make the process a little easier to go through.

There are many way to express sympathy in a pet loss card. Here are some tips when writing words of comfort in a pet loss card:

1. Make sure to use your loved one’s pet name. Instead of saying “sorry about your dog”, say “sorry to hear about Max”.

2. If you have a specific story that your loved one ever talked about, mention it. It shows that you cared about the life of the animal and that not only were you listening, you were thoughtful enough to remember it.

3. Depending on your friend’s beliefs, mentioning the pet being in heaven can be comforting.

4. A lot of the time, pet owners feel some sort of guilt for having to euthanize a pet. It is important to let them know what good pet owners they were. Remind your loved one how awesome they were to their pet, and all the special little things they did to make their pet feel loved and special.

5. Offer your time. Mention that you are available any time to get a bite to eat, go out for coffee, or just listen. It helps not to be alone when you’re grieving. Although a lot of things probably aren’t exactly fun right away, doing things to keep your loved one’s mind off of the loss of her pet can help with the healing process.

No matter what you choose to say, make it personal. Remember that this pet played a huge role in your loved one’s life, and that your words mean more than you might know.

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Source by Lisa Falsetti

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

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I sometimes hear from people who are getting some hurtful feedback from those who are supposed to be “supporting” them during their marital separation. Sometimes, this so-called support comes from friends or family members. It can even come from the “support group” that you specifically joined in order to feel lifted up during your separation, which can be incredibly disappointing. Someone might say, “I did not really want to burden my family, friends, or coworkers with details about my separation. They know that I am separated, but I just don’t want to hear people’s personal opinions about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping to reconcile and so I don’t want to influence their opinions about my husband or about our relationship. However, I wanted a place to talk things through and to feel supported so I joined a support group for people going through a separation / divorce. The first week felt pretty good, but maybe that is because everyone was on their best behavior. I have to admit that the last few weeks, it really hasn’t gone well. I want to reconcile with my husband. I was looking for people who could identify with what I was going through to keep my spirits up while I was waiting to see what happened with my marriage. However, many of these people are getting ready to divorce and are quite bitter and angry. If I try to relay good news that happened between my husband and myself during the week, I sometimes get sarcastic comments. Someone might say ‘well, just wait. He’s just trying to be nice to you so that you’ll accept the divorce later.’ These type of comments are obviously not what I want to hear. I don’t mind expressing my fears, but I want people to try to talk me down or to help me look on the bright side. I don’t want people to tell me that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that all separations end in divorce. This is why I didn’t tell some friends and family, but now I am getting this with the support group. And yet, I know that I need support, so I am not sure what to do.”

I can really identify with what you are saying. I told some people about my own separation and I really came to regret it. Some of my friends became really angry with my husband and never really got over it – even after we reconciled. By then, I’d long forgiven my husband, and I just wanted to move on. But some people wouldn’t let it go. The thing is, with some people, if you tell them your most personal issues, then you’d better be ready to talk about those same issues every single time that you talk with them because they want to keep bringing it up and picking the scab. That is why you have to be really careful about who you confide in. Some people will project their own experiences and fears onto your experience and obviously, this doesn’t help you. Just because there are people in the support group who may be headed for divorce, this does not mean that you will be. At some point, I just had to tell people who weren’t supportive that I valued their friendship, but that I needed to talk about something else. Then I sought support elsewhere.

If you have not tried counseling, that is probably the very best option for support. They are trained professionals whose only job is to help you. They don’t know you outside of this and therefore are not going to let other things bleed into the reason for your being there. That is really the ideal scenario, but if you are resistant to counseling, then you have to pick your “trusted support person” carefully. If you truly feel that the support group isn’t going to improve, then you want to make sure that if you decide to end this support system, then you have already replaced it with a new and better one. Honestly, my ideal support person was not who I thought that it would be. It was someone from work who I did not know very well and perhaps that helped. She didn’t have all of the history with me that some of my other friends did. And she had separated and reconciled previously so she understood my thought process. Our interactions always left me feeling better, and not worse.

I often journaled my feelings on weekends because I knew that I needed to get them out and didn’t have access to my best support person. I came to decide that I’d rather journal to release my feelings than to have unsupportive people make me feel worse.

It’s important to remember that you can control who you allow to influence you. It’s possible to politely retreat when people aren’t understanding or supportive. It can be really important to surround yourself with positivity because it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s very important to remember that people’s unsupportive reactions usually have more to do with their situation than with yours. They are projecting their own life and their own problems onto you, which just isn’t fair. If the support group isn’t providing the support that you need and is just making you feel worse, there’s nothing wrong with politely seeking support elsewhere. Because support is very important, but it can be tricky and difficult to find the right, objective person or group of people. At the same time, you don’t want to alienate family and friends, which is why it’s fine to just change the subject and ask to discuss something else.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Dealing With Customer Complaints – B.L.A.S.T

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In a restaurant, not so far away, in the not so distant future, a telephone rings, a customer complains… and the battle begins!

Handling customer complaints doesn’t have to always be a battle, with the right tools and responses you can use complaints to your advantage; to help you build your business. B.L.A.S.T is a great tool that is used by companies such as Yum! (Parent company of KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, A&W, and Long John Silvers). Training their employees in the basics of handling customer complaints. The acronym stands for:

Believe

Listen

Apologize

Satisfy

Thank

How does your company deal with customer complaints? The easiest way to find out is to pick up the phone and play the role of the complaining customer. What happened? If you were an irritated customer, would you return? Using the B.L.A.S.T guidelines, allows you to create a standardized method for dealing with your complainers and turning them into loyal customers.

Believe

This is the cornerstone of handling a customer complaint. Yes, the customer may be lying and be incorrect about their situation. It is important to understand that your customer believes that your establishment has wronged them.

Listen

Stop and listen to your customer’s complaint. I’m not certain whether it’s natural instinct or just plain stubbornness. As soon as a customer starts to complain, we start to think of how we will respond to the accusation before we are done listening, and too often the case, already have the response ready to fight back. Take a second, relax, and listen. On occasion a complaining customer will be rude, angry, and use vulgar language, stay the course and remain calm and level headed.

When the customer is done venting; in a calm, non-judgmental tone, repeat their problem. An example I used in my KFC for a mispacked order:

“What I hear you saying is that, you came in ordered and paid for 10 Pieces of chicken and when you got home, you only received 8, is that correct?”

By repeating the problem at hand, you’ve demonstrated your ability to the customer that you heard and understood their problem.

Listen and clarify. Never defend or justify. The customer doesn’t care if you were shorthanded or if you’re having a bad day, they only care that they get taken care of. No excuses, just solutions.

Apologize

Always apologize even if you did nothing wrong. From your customers’ perspective, they have a legitimate complaint, and they expect an apology. It could be as simple as “I’m sorry we’ve inconvenienced you.” or “I’m sorry I know how frustrating it is to buy dinner for my family, only not to have everything there when I get home” A sincere apology will usually diffuse a lot of frustration that the customer has. There is an exception to this rule though, if a customer calls with a critical complaint, such as food poisoning, don’t apologize, it may be construed as an acceptance of guilt, instead refer to your company’s procedures for such events.

Satisfy

Make it right. Ask the customer “What can I do to make this right for you”? Be the judge of what is fair of course, but allow them the opportunity to feel empowered over the situation. Many times they may ask for the problem be taken care of on their next visit or maybe that you talk to the person who made the mistake and correct them. We used a great system of sending out a personalized postcard apologizing for the mistake, it was a couple of handwritten sentences (yes, many times with spelling mistakes from my team members), but it was personal and always well received. We always gave them the unexpected as well, maybe a free dessert or an extra side dish just to show that we cared about them.

Thank

At the beginning, at the end, in the middle; it doesn’t matter, thank the customer for calling and complaining.

Why? With the simple act of complaining, your customer is telling you “I care about your business and your success”. They are giving you the opportunity to fix the problem and invite them back so they can give you more of their money. Puts a different spin on it doesn’t it? Thank them for giving you that second chance, for letting you know that something in your restaurant didn’t work like it normally does, for giving you the chance to make it right, and for the opportunity not to damage your reputation!

Reputation? I had to throw that one in. You work hard, day in day out, trying the best to make your business the best, and yet one unhappy customer can take it away from you. A happy customer will tell two or three friends about a good experience, but an unhappy customer will tell at least ten friends about their experience and it always multiplies through word of mouth. Case in point, when I moved cross country to my new hometown, I was at a Chamber of Commerce event and being the new person in the group, I introduced myself and what we did. No sooner than five minutes passed did I get a list of 10 restaurants in my area that in their opinion were in “need of my services”. Only one person gave me a good restaurant. I didn’t ask, I was told. To this day I still haven’t been to those restaurants as a customer, why do I want to give them my hard earned money, when they made my new friends unhappy? It may not be a rational thought, but it is human nature.

Will some people take advantage of your kindness? Of course, a rule of thumb I used in my restaurant was:

First time shame on me,

Second time shame on me, but I’m watching you,

Third time… Shame on you and I will make the decision on how I will deal with you as a customer.

Keep track of who calls to complain, names, phone numbers for follow up, addresses for your postcards. Using a binder and tracking your complaints, you will be able to detect and deter those that would take advantage of your new complaint procedures.

Adding B.L.A.S.T to your expanding toolbox of customer service tools will help you in dealing with customer complaints and turn them around so they can tell their friends what great service you have!

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Source by Albert Barneto

Views: 0

November 10, 2022