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  • 3 Attitudes You Need To Make Marital Conflict Resolution Work

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    One of the biggest contributors to divorce is fatigue and emotional exhaustion. Couples allow things to get so bad that by the time meaningful intervention is sought one or both are unwilling to do what is necessary. You might finally have a solution that works but no longer have the strength or will to act.

    It is very sad when you see a couple get to the point where they lose the will to keep trying. Your attitude will add energy to your relationship or add fuel to the many unresolved conflict causing issues. Trying to do the right thing with the wrong attitude will not bring back the love and passion in your marriage. The 3 attitudes that will help repair, protect and save your marriage are:

    An Attitude of Forgiveness

    As issues are identified they will be directly or indirectly attached to you or your spouse in most instances. If you start seeing yourself or your spouse as ‘The Problem’ this opens doors for resentment. In order to move forward you must have a heart of forgiveness.

    You must be mature enough mentally and emotionally to live out your vows of ‘for better or worse’. We must be able to wake up in the morning knowing that we will have an attitude of forgiveness towards any issue that may arise. Making a proactive decision to forgive prepares you mentally and emotionally to honestly deal with marital issues.

    An Attitude of Friendship

    One of the worst things about constant fights and conflict in marriage is feeling like you lost your best friend. You feel unable to freely express your love and affection. The home becomes a hostile environment that you want to avoid instead of a place of solace, love and passion.

    In marriage you will not always like each other. One of the marriage killers is when a couple stops being friends. Making a proactive decision to remain friends reminds your mind to keep doing nice things for the person you fell in love with, while you are working through an issue. You instinctively want to do nice things for a friend so do not get in the habit of seeing your spouse as the enemy.

    An Attitude of Fidelity

    Divorce happens when one person decides the best option is to leave the marriage. They feel like it is no longer worth it to remain in the relationship. Identification, isolation and improvement have to do with your approach to conflict resolution. Forgiveness, friendship and fidelity have to do with love.

    Marriages are built on love and managed by healthy approaches to everyday living and dealing with issues. It is difficult for a marriage to flourish in love when you have a list of things that will make you seek divorce. Making a proactive decision of fidelity reminds you of your commitment to work through every issue.

    It is impossible for any issue to get the upper hand in your marriage when the attitudes of forgiveness, friendship and fidelity are the foundation of your relationship. Change your attitude and change the course of your marriage.

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    Source by Kerwyn Joseph

    Views: 0

  • 9 Steps To Living Abundantly

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    Many of us are bowed down by life – stressed, short of time, tired, on a treadmill, knowing that this isn’t the way to live, but not knowing how to free ourselves up to live more fully, more abundantly. There are simple things we can do – they don’t take time or money – they take a change of attitude. Here are 9 of them:

    1. Being totally financially honest – if you are not, this implies that there is not enough for you to have everything you need without dishonesty.

    2. Creating a vacuum so that more good things can flow into it – don’t fill your life up with things you don’t really want. Ask yourself if you want each thing before you buy it. Don’t have abundant rubbish, live abundantly by seeking out the things and experiences that work for you in your core being.

    3. Tithing is often associated with religion, but it is also possible to tithe in a non-religious context. This seems a really important aspect of living abundantly – every time you freely give money away, you are implying that you are confident that more will come – this is a BIG positive affirmation with a lot of power behind it. The traditional amount is 10% of your income. I’ve recommended this to lots of people, and they’ve told me that when they do this – magically – they seem to have more. I started with 10% but now I’ve increased it, because I’ve seen that the more I give away the more I get back, and the happier and more abundantly I live.

    4. Being grateful for what you already have – focussing on the good that is already in your life. It’s easy to think about what you don’t have, but spend some time each day thinking about what you do have. Start each day by thinking of 5 things that you are grateful for – and express this out loud.

    5. Resentment, jealousy, envy and self-pity interfere with the free-flow of abundance. If you are jealous or envious of someone, it implies that what they have is not available for you to have also. If you find it difficult to let go of these feelings, Bach flower remedies may help. Try the remedy ‘willow’ to counteract resentment and self-pity, or try ‘holly’ for envy, jealousy and greed.

    6. Forgiving those that have wronged you is part of living abundantly. Holding on to your anger, however justifiable it may seem, keeps you stuck in the past, rather than going forward into a better future. If it’s difficult to let go of your negative feelings, try writing a letter expressing all your anger, hurt or envy. Write until you can write no more, and then burn it.

    7. Being able to receive from other people. Being able to receive is healthy, but many people find it difficult. You may need to practice receiving. Think of the pleasure you get in giving. By not receiving generously you are denying other people the pleasure of giving.

    8. Realise that in general ‘good luck’ plays a very small part in people’s life. (If you put your faith in good luck, then you have to accept the possibility of bad luck too.) People who put their faith in ‘good luck’ often spend their lives waiting for things to happen. People who don’t believe in luck go out and make things happen.

    9. Believing that there is enough money, food, love, etc. in the world to meet everyone’s needs to live abundantly. I left this one till the last, because it can be very hard to believe when faced with war and starvation in the newspapers and on the TV, but a lot of this anger and need is caused because people who have do not believe they have enough, because they substitute money and food for all the other abundance of life. Do your bit to correct that imbalance and start living a life that recognises there are inequalities and shortages, but recognises that we can correct that so we all have what we need.

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    Source by Jane Thurnell-Read

    Views: 0

  • Effortless Entrepreneur – Book Review

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    By: Nick Friedman & Omar Soliman (2010)

    ISBN 978-0-307-58799-2

    Book Price: $17.00

    Multimillion-dollar franchise

    Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman are founders of, “College Hunks Hauling Junk.” This company has become a multimillion-dollar franchise and the nation’s premier junk removal service. Nick and Omar have been named among the Top 30 Under 30 Entrepreneurs in America by Inc., and have been profiled in the New York Times.

    Entrepreneurial success

    Nick and Omar supply readers with 13 chapters leading to entrepreneurial success. They discuss the following topics; the making of an entrepreneur (Ch. 3); creating your business foundation (Ch. 4); building staff and client loyalty (Ch. 7); optimizing your ability to make the sale (Ch. 10); working smarter and playing harder (Ch. 13), etc.

    Passionate pursuit of business dreams

    Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman relate their journey with passion and energy. This book conveys more than a love for building a business; it also exhibits practical steps along the journey. Nick and Omar relay, “As we expanded and built systems that allowed our company to function more effectively, we discovered that we could spend less and less time doing the everyday grunt work… and more time doing the things we really enjoyed… “

    The crux of this book shows how anyone can convert a common serviced industry into a wealthy enterprise. The authors state, “… now we’re trash men. Of course, by trash men we mean we’re Gen Y entrepreneurs in our mid-twenties who understand that trash is cash and transformed a summer gig into a multimillion dollar business.”

    Nick and Omar use challenging words to arrest readers from inactivity saying, “To succeed as an entrepreneur, be prepared to act on your ideas. Otherwise, you’re just another dreamer who wishes and longs and prays to have a business but never gets further than sneezing… people who turn ideas into reality make the difference… “

    Vision motivates! Friedman and Soliman express this key to success through practical examples as they share, “… the more passionate you are about achieving goals, the greater your chance for growth. Our vision was clear when we started… we didn’t blink twice at spending $13,000 to buy our 1-800-Junk-USA phone number… “

    Shift into entrepreneurial breakthrough

    Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman energize readers to shift into Entrepreneurial breakthrough in business.

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    Source by Dr. Steven J. Lynne

    Views: 1

  • Mind, Body, Spirit Healing–Putting It into Practice

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    Modern Medicine promotes the belief that health and wellness is a crap shoot, genetically driven and at best, pure luck. If the roll of the dice isn’t in your favor or your genetic make-up has been doomed six generations back, or luck runs out, Modern Medicine has a magic pill, chemical bomb or simply cutting out whatever organ is afflicted as a solution.

    Norman Vincent Peale declared, “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” Caroline Myss, medical intuitive extraordinaire states, “Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological, environmental, social, personal and global consequences.” Wayne Dyer states, “We are responsible for everything in our lives, including whether the chemistry in our body works or doesn’t work.” If you believe health and wellness is a crap shoot, genetically driven or pure luck you have set the stage for body malfunction. If you believe as Norman Vincent Peale, Caroline Myss, PhD and Wayne Dyer, PhD, Deepak Chopra, MD believe your choices, thoughts and feelings are an act of power, and that you are responsible, then you are in control of your health.

    To be effective Mind, Body, Spirit healing needs to be practiced on a daily basis–not after your body is being ravaged by a malfunction. Mind, Body, Spirit healing is a process that maintains and supports health and wellness, thereby prevents body malfunction. People who practice Mind, Body Spirit healing avoid having cancer, MS, heart attacks, strokes, and the 101 other afflictions from A to Z, which Modern Medicine has conditioned us to be plagued by from birth to death–for many a premature death.

    The nine most frequent surgeries in America are Tonsillectomies, myringotomies, Cataract removal, Low-back surgery, Gall Bladder removal, Hysterectomies, C-Section, Sleep Apnea, Jaw pain.

    As Dr. Myss stated–“…every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological,…consequences.” In order to change any biological consequence you need to change your thoughts, which changes your feelings. Your new thoughts/beliefs must be shifted to empower you to control your health.

    To eliminate/avoid the most common reasons for surgery, it is important to know the thoughts/beliefs, which creates body malfunctions and healthy thoughts/beliefs to prevent or heal it.

    Tonsillitis, Quinsy, Sore Throat – cause: Fear, Repressed emotions, Stifled Creativity, A strong belief that you cannot speak up for yourself and ask for your needs, Feeling unable to express yourself. Holding in angry words.

    Remedy: “I release all restrictions and I am free to be me. It is my birth right to have my needs met. I now ask for what I want with love and with ease. My good now flows freely. Divine ideas express through me. I am at peace.”

    Ear Infection – cause: Anger. Not wanting to hear. Too much turmoil. Parents arguing.

    Remedy: Myringotomies are performed for recurrent ear infection, usually in children under five. Since your child is incapable of changing the thoughts/feelings you need to take the responsibility to change the child’s experience and foster the expression of feelings. Listen to and acknowledge your child’s feelings. Avoid talking at your child, talk with your child. There many excellent books on effective parenting. If there is turmoil, fighting and arguing between the parents–seek counseling to resolve your adult issues. I urge adults who have frequent colds/sore throats to use the following thought patterns. “I hear with love. Harmony surrounds me. I listen with love to the pleasant and the good. I am a center of love.”

    Cataracts – cause: Inability to see ahead with joy. Belief in a dark future.

    Remedy: “Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.”

    Gall Bladder problems-cause: Bitterness. Hard thoughts. Condemning. Pride. Fear.

    Remedy: “I joyously release all hurts from the past. Life is sweet and so am I.

    Uterus/ovary problems – cause: Allowing confusion to reign. Giving power to outside influences. Rejection of the feminine processes.

    Remedy: “I am at home in my body. I am balanced in my creative flow.

    C-Section-cause: Belief in old wives tales. Belief–childbirth should be painless. Fear. Stopping the process. Rejection of the feminine processes. Unhealed aftereffects of child sexual abuse/rape or adult rape cause the memory of trauma to interfere with the natural birth process. If you are a sexual child abuse or adult rape survivor heal the emotional and physical aftereffects. See http://www.gen-assist.com to find a sexual abuse recovery specialist, traditional therapy is not effective to guide you through sexual abuse recovery.

    Remedy: Change your beliefs about childbirth. Take natural childbirth classes. A mid-wife and/or doula can lead you through a healthy delivery in the majority of instances. “I trust the process of life. I am safe. I am balanced in my creative flow.”

    Jaw Pain-cause: Anger. Resentment. Desire for revenge.

    Remedy: “I am willing to change the patterns in me that created this condition. I love and approve of myself. I am safe.”

    Sleep Apnea: Stubborn refusal to let go of old patterns, overweight or tonsil malfunction.

    Remedy: “I release all that is unlike love and joy in my mind. I move from the past into the new and fresh and vital.” Lose weight and follow remedy for tonsil malfunction.

    Low-Back Pain L-1 to L- 5 – cause: Crying for love and a need to be lonely. Insecurity. Stuck in childhood pain. See no way out. Sexual abuse. Guilt. Self-hatred. Rejection of sexuality. Financial insecurity. Fear of career. Feeling powerless. Insecurity. Difficulty in communicating. Anger. Inability to accept pleasure.

    Remedy: “I am safe in the universe and all Life loves me and supports me. I grow beyond my parents’ limitations and live for myself. It is my turn now. I release the past. I cherish myself and my beautiful sexuality. I am safe. I love who I am. I am grounded in my own power. I am secure on all levels. I deserve to enjoy life. I ask for what I want and I accept with joy and pleasure.”

    Tip: Write these thoughts on a 3X5 card. Read them silently or out loud 3 times upon awakening and before going to sleep. Have a copy with you, if you notice you are running the old tapes in your head, read the new thought pattern. Within 30 – 45 days you will notice you feel better, more energized and have a sense of relief.

    The food we eat or lack of proper nutrition contributes to physical malfunction. I will discuss nutritional needs–titled Holistic Nutrition.

    Article resource: Heal Your Body, Louise Hay.

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    Source by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

    Views: 0

  • The Husband and Wife Relationship – Understand the Dynamics

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    The relationship between a husband and wife are usually complex, and many married couples do not understand the dynamics of the relationship they are in this is the cause of many failing relationships. For a really strong marriage they both need to understand how the dynamics of a husband and wife relationship works. The key to the question of dynamics is to appreciate just how men and woman are poles apart not only physically but more importantly emotionally and mentally.

    These differences are best illustrated when you consider the way a husband and wife relationship approaches the matter of problem solving, which shows how they approach problems in completely different ways

    The wife will typically talk about the problem with friends and family alike, explore different angles for a solution then combine that research with input from her group of family and friends. This may take some time because women in general like to discuss various solutions and how they feel and relate to the problem, before deciding on any one answer.

    The husband on the other hand is more likely tom be a solitary thinker and by virtue of that will be unlikely to discuss the problem with anyone till he has decided on the solution to the problem.

    In the husband and wife relationship, problems can be caused by their opposite approach to problem solving, the husband could think that she is taking the problem lightly by talking too much to her friends and family when in his opinion she should be thinking rather than talking about the solution. Conversely the wife may be concerned that he is not addressing their problems because he is not talking about it, when in reality the reason he is not talking about it is that it is constantly on his mind but he has not yet come up with an answer to discuss.

    Some of the time a wife can talk about a problem she may have, simply to vent her feelings about a certain matter, to lessen the tension they feel rather than to get an opinion on how to solve the issue. In that way she express her thoughts in front of her friends who in the main will empathize with her while not necessarily offering their opinion as to the solution. Men on the other hand rarely talks about a problem unless he wants advice or help to reach a solution to the problem

    The danger is in this situation is that a husband might give his wife his considered opinion as to the solution to a problem, thinking that he is solving things in the way he thinks he is expected to, while his wife is thinking that he does want to listen to the problem and just giving an answer to put an end to the matter.

    Though not totally accurate the above example illustrates how the usual differences between men’s and women’s approach to problem solving work out. Understanding they way in which the different genders react can help to stop arguments about the way things are done, consider your partners needs before you act.

    The Husband and wife relationship understand the dynamics and you will builder a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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    Source by Tom Janic

    Views: 0

  • Relationships: Can A Relationship Bring Up Someone’s Attachment Trauma?

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    When someone gets into a relationship, they may believe that they have finally met their match. What they have been through in the past, when it comes to this area of their life, is then going to be well and truly over.

    At one point, it will have been as though they were on a stormy sea and now, they will be on calm waters. There is then going to be no more bumps – the path in front of them will be completely flat.

    An Unexpected Outcome

    However, although this may be how one currently sees this area of their life, it doesn’t mean that their external world will match up with what is taking place in their mind as time goes by. What they could find is that their partner ends up pulling away as time goes by or that they come up too strong.

    If the former takes place, one could end up feeling rejected and abandoned, and what may follow is the feeling of being worthless. Yet, if the latter takes place, they could end up feeling smothered and trapped, which could result in them feeling powerless.

    Confusion

    If something like this was to take place, the first thing that one could do is to blame their partner. Instead of stepping back and reflecting on what is taking place, what is going on externally will be seen as the issue.

    As a result of this, their partner could end up reacting negatively to what they say, creating even more disharmony. Another thing that could take place is that the relationship could simply come to an end.

    A Similar Scenario

    At the same time, while one of the occurrences above could be what has taken place, it could be slightly different. So, instead of them feeling rejected and abandoned because their partner has actually pulled away, they could feel this way if their partner has a lot going on at work, for instance, and is unable to spend as much time with them as they usually would.

    And, while they could be feeling smothered and trapped due to their partner coming on too strong, they could feel this way whenever they express their needs. No matter what is going on, then, it will lead to a fair amount of internal discomfort.

    The Early Stages

    If one was fine before they got into a relationship with this person, they may wonder what is going on. But, while they may have been fine up until this point, there is also the chance that it is not this black and white.

    They may have only been seeing this person for a few weeks and had number of intense experiences during this time. Perhaps there was time when they didn’t hear from them for a little while, with this resulting in them feeling fearful and as though they had been rejected.

    Attached

    This may have been a time when they simply reacted to how they were feeling, doing what they could to get the other person to respond. Alternatively, they may have pushed down how they felt and tried to act normal.

    Their need to make a good impression at this point may have stopped them from criticising the other person. Based on how they felt, the last thing they would have wanted was for them to stop talking to them altogether.

    One Outlook

    One way of looking at what took place earlier on and/or what is taking place now that they are in a relationship would be to say that one is simply overacting. Ergo, the best thing for them to do would be to make sure that they don’t get caught up their ‘irrational’ feelings.

    One could end up coming to believe that they need to be mindful of what is taking place in their head, due to the fact that their thoughts create their feelings. It is then going to be all about what is going on up top.

    A Deeper Look

    Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason all these feelings have been coming up is because they have become emotionally attached to another person, which has allowed their early wounds to be brought up to the surface. Consciously, one may not see the other person as their caregiver, but unconsciously, this can be exactly how they see them.

    At a deeper level, part of them will look towards their partner to give them what their caregivers didn’t give them, and when this doesn’t happen, how they felt during their early years will come back up to the surface. And not only will how they felt during their early years be triggered when their partner doesn’t behave in a certain way, this can also take place even if this part of them assumes that something has taken place.

    Deep Pain

    There is then going to be no need for clear evidence to be provided in order for their early wounds to be opened up. What complicates this even further is that although this part of them will want to receive what it didn’t receive all those years ago, experiencing the same experiences over and over again will be what feels safe.

    When their wounds are opened up, they can end up feeling like a needy and dependent child. Perhaps their early years were a time in their life when their needs were rarely, if ever met, meaning that they would have been spent a lot of time feeling rejected and abandoned.

    Awareness

    The years will have passed since that stage of their life but the trauma that they experienced will still be within them. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support.

    This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

    Views: 0

  • Success With Emotional Intelligence

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    Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions and the emotions of other people in positive ways. Today we can clearly see that being only “book smart” and having a high intelligence quotient or IQ does not guarantee a successful, happy and fulfilled life. There are many people in all parts of the world who are very brilliant academically but are inept at dealing with people and successful at work or in their personal relationships. Academic intelligence is not enough on its own to be successful in life. IQ can help you get a job and earn a living, but it does not show you how to live a life. When it comes to happiness and success in life, emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your career and personal goals.

    Emotionally intelligent people are able to recognize their own emotional state and the emotional states of others and as a result they connect more easily with people. They therefore communicate better, form stronger relationships, achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life. John Gottman was right when he said “In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.”

    Emotional Intelligence consists of five basic components namely self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. The first three competencies are intra-personal and concern your ability to know and manage yourself. Empathy and social skills are inter-personal competencies and concern your ability to interact and get along with others. The better your intra-personal skills, the easier it becomes to express your inter-personal skills. Mastering these skills will allow you to live a better, happier and more successful and fulfilled life.

    Self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to know which emotions you are feeling and why. When you understand your emotions, it is easier for you to acknowledge and control your emotions and prevent your feelings from ruling you. You also become more confident as you do not let your emotions get out of control. Being self-aware also enables you to take an honest look at yourself and better know your strengths and weaknesses, and work on these areas to achieve better outcomes for yourself and others.

    Self-Regulation is the ability to control your emotions and impulses and choose the emotions that you want to experience instead of being the victim of whatever emotions arise. When you are able to manage your emotional state, it becomes easier for you to think before you act and this prevents you from making impulsive and careless decisions. This skill also allows you to transform negative exhausting emotions into more positive and productive ones

    The third component of emotional intelligence is motivation. This is about using your emotions to remain positive, optimistic and persistent rather than negative and pessimistic. When you have a high degree of emotional intelligence you tend to be very motivated, productive and efficient in everything they do. You also use your emotions positively to take the right actions to persist and achieve your goals even in the face of considerable adversity or difficulty.

    Empathy is the fourth element of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to truly recognize and understand the feelings and point of view of people around you. Empathetic people usually possess the ability to listen effectively and accurately to others and are normally excellent at managing relationships, improving communication, building trust and relating to others.

    The fifth component of emotional intelligence is social skills. Emotionally intelligent people have good social skills and are excellent at building and maintaining relationships. When you are highly emotionally intelligent, you no longer focus on your own success first and you always have other’s best interests in mind. You always promote an environment where people cooperate with each other instead of compete with one another and you always help others develop and grow.

    Today emotional intelligence is a key to success in life and the good news is that whatever your actual level of emotional intelligence, you can improve it The best way to develop your emotional skills is through practice. You can then become more efficient at recognizing and managing your emotions as well as the emotions of others and lead a happier, more successful and fulfilled life. Always remember the wise words of Daniel Goleman who said, “What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ – not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

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    Source by Priya Deelchand

    Views: 0

  • Advantages of Group Dating

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    Group dating is very popular in Japan and it is also known as ‘compa’ and ‘gokon’. Group dating is slowly becoming very famous in other countries also because through group dating people can easily find a suitable partner. The concept of dating in a group is very unique and different. In this system a girl and a guy who know each other from before plan a date in which each of them get 4 to 5 eligible friends. This date can be held in discos, bars, restaurants and hotels.

    So now let us discuss the most advantages of a dating in a group. These advantages will help you to understand this type dating in a better way.

    1. Socialize in group in a much better way
    As a group dating system involves trustworthy peers people can socialize in a much better way with each other. Group dating helps a person to learn from one another’s experiences. This type of dating involves a group of trusted teens who go out together in a group rather than in couples. Every parent want their kids to be in good company and influence, this type of dating helps them in this matter.

    2. Group dating helps in observing the opposite sex
    Teenagers are often interested in the opposite sex, but they are too scared of rejection. But in this type date setting, teenagers of genders can get to know each other very well. In this setting, every person can keep an eye on his or her friend, this helps in creating a better bond between friends and siblings.

    3. Can get acquainted with each other very easily
    This type of dating is most appropriate for those people who like some one but are not able to express their feelings. By becoming a part of this system they can get to know more about the person they like or love. Through group dating they get confidence and can face rejection more easily and boldly.

    4. No risk of temptation
    Having fun and getting to know each other are two main features of a group date. Kids involved in this type of dating are much better behaved because they want to impress each other. They avoid doing things that can harm their friends. Temptation is reduced to the bare minimum because kids are in the company of trustworthy friends.

    5. No pressure of impressing any one
    The main advantage of this type dating is that even if you do not manage to find a partner, you can still enjoy the outing or party with your friends. In a group dating even if you do not find a compatible partner you can still have a pleasant time, because you do not need to impress a particular person.

    These are the most important advantages of this type of dating system.

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    Source by Jessica N King

    Views: 0

  • You Can Heal Your Life Book Review

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    At a time in our lives where everything seems to be changing it is good to know that a book that was written many years ago still can have a profound impact on our lives.

    Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” is one of those books. I purchased the gift edition back in November of last year but didn’t actually open the book till the end of December. I know now that it was the perfect time for me to read “You Can Heal Your Life”.

    Over the past year I have been wondering what God had in store for my life, what my purpose in life was and feeling like I was running around in circles.

    I started to read “You Can Heal Your Life” during the two weeks that I took off at the end of the year. On January 3, 2009 I was hospitalized for Bell’s Palsy. After being released from the hospital I came home and immediately opened up the book again and looked to see what Louise Hay had to say about Bell’s Palsy.

    Bell’s Palsy-Extreme control over anger. Unwillingness to express feelings.

    For a couple of years I have struggled with exactly that! I didn’t want to show anger or express my feelings of despair or my feelings of feeling totally out of control. I wanted to yell at anyone and everyone who had hurt me or had in some way made me feel out of control, even so much as blame God and myself for what I was going through. But I could not do it, I could not blame others or let go of those feelings of anger…I wanted to but I just couldn’t express them for the fear of feeling even more out of control.

    After reading “You Can Heal Your Life” and working through my anger with affirmations that Louise suggested such as:

    “It is safe for me to express my feelings. I forgive myself.”

    I was able to express those angry feelings, I yelled, I screamed and then I release those feelings and let go.

    Amazingly this past week, my Bell’s Palsy went away! I am now able to smile again without having my face droop. It is amazing how what we feel inside and out affects our health.

    While I knew this to an extent, this time I understood thoroughly what I had to learn from this situation!

    I have always said I was a stubborn person for me it doesn’t take 3 times to be hit on the head, nope it takes a 4th time before I wake up…” The Bell’s Palsy was the 4th time I have been hit on the head 🙂

    Now everyday I open up “You Can Heal Your Life” or “The Present Moment-365 Daily affirmations” or “Everyday Positive Thinking” to remind me of things to say to myself that are positive.

    I just open the books and I believe where they open up I was meant to read that day.

    So if you are struggling with staying positive in this day and age or are wondering why you are suffering from an illness and are looking for help I strongly recommend any book written by Louise Hay or for that manner any book from a Hay House author.

    “If you are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed”-Louise Hay

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    Source by Rebbekah White

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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