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Tag: Divorce

Why Can’t I Forget My Ex Wife? Help for Moving on After Divorce

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It is 3 a.m. Silence echoes inside the empty house. You know you will not meet tomorrow’s deadline for that project at work, but you don’t care. All this seems so trivial. It’s been that way a year now. A veil has been covering your perception, your goals and your aspirations. Only this one phrase keeps repeating itself inside your mind: “Why Can’t I Forget my Ex Wife?” You keep wondering if there was anything you could have done to save this marriage. You cannot understand why you sink deeper and deeper into this vicious circle inside your mind, instead of getting over it. They say time heals, but it does not seem to be happening to you. Time cannot heal, unless you want it to.

Healing from divorce for men is just as hard as it is for women, maybe even harder. The reason for this is that women express their emotions, but for men it’s not as easy. They suppress their feelings. They struggle to abide by the role imposed to them by society and this always backfires. The pain inside of them accumulates and it multiplies to the point that it becomes unbearable.

1. Express Yourself

This is the most important thing you need to do during and long after the divorce. The phrase “men do not cry” couldn’t be far from the truth. Men do cry, but they do so in solitude. Do not struggle to hold back your tears in the company of a dear friend.

2. Communicate

Talk about it for hours with your friends and relatives, if you feel the need to.

3. Avoid By All Means Mutual Contacts

Whatever you say will be more than likely transferred in a distorted version to your ex-wife and vice versa. This creates a never-ending gossiping circle, which completely destroys a man’s chances to recover after divorce.

If contact with mutual friends and relatives is inevitable, demand that they do not talk to you about this matter.

4. Get It Out Of Your System

A day will come, when you are finally sick and tired of mourning. Gather all the pictures, letters and any other reminders and keep them in a safe place away from your sight. Stop going to places you went together. If you are the one who’s kept the house, move to a new house or even area.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

Most of the times, these relationships do not work. They slow down a man’s healing process after divorce and they end up hurting even more people.

6. Take A Trip Alone

Take a trip on your own to some remote, peaceful place with warm climate and tranquil water for swimming. It will help you relax, realize the beauty that still exists around you and give you the opportunity for introspection. All the pain you’ve gone through will be for nothing, if you do not learn from it.

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Source by Larry J Milton

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Clues That Your Relationship Might Be Coming To an End

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Nobody likes going through a break up. A break up can leave you feeling betrayed. It hurts and often takes a long time to get over. A break up can be especially be bad if it comes as a surprise. This often leaves a person confused. So how can a person recognize if the relationship they are in is about to end? There are clues you can look for. These often involve a change in behavior being exhibited by your significant other.

Here are some common signs that your relationship may be coming to an end:

1. Is you partner avoiding your phone calls?

This a major clue to understanding why your relationship could be coming to and end. Lets face it when you don’t answer your cell phone it is because you do not want to talk to that person or organization. So why would your significant other not answer your phone call? It could be they are romantically involved with somebody else.

2. Has your partner become less Romantic?

Of course when you are lying in bed with your significant other and they are not romantically inclined is a definite sign to the beginning of the end to your relationship. This is especially evident when there a general lack of foreplay In fact this could me they are already romantically inclined to another individual.

3. Is your partner spending more time with friends?

There is nothing wrong when your significant other spends time with their friends. This is there play time. However this a place where they can meet other people of the opposite sex. If your relationship is on the rocks. If she or he is spending more time than usual with friends this could be a very strong clue to the end of your relationship

4. You often get into arguments over trivial things.

These situations often mean much bigger problems are the root cause. It is alright to discuss things with you partner. Sometimes there will anger in the discussion. However a good relationship will forgive and be capable of compromise. But if you and your significant other argue over trivial things them you are heading foe a possible separation or worse a divorce.

5. Has your partner become disrespectful towards you?

Bad behavior such as checking out other women or men could a definite sign. This a definite sign of possible break up. This is also a sign when a woman starts looking at other men. She will do to indicate to her man that she is not satisfied with him.

Understanding your relationship with somebody is not easy. However this relationship is worth keeping. the first thing you must develop is a friendship before you become romantically involved.

best regards

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Source by Paul Luciw

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

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I sometimes hear from people who are getting some hurtful feedback from those who are supposed to be “supporting” them during their marital separation. Sometimes, this so-called support comes from friends or family members. It can even come from the “support group” that you specifically joined in order to feel lifted up during your separation, which can be incredibly disappointing. Someone might say, “I did not really want to burden my family, friends, or coworkers with details about my separation. They know that I am separated, but I just don’t want to hear people’s personal opinions about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping to reconcile and so I don’t want to influence their opinions about my husband or about our relationship. However, I wanted a place to talk things through and to feel supported so I joined a support group for people going through a separation / divorce. The first week felt pretty good, but maybe that is because everyone was on their best behavior. I have to admit that the last few weeks, it really hasn’t gone well. I want to reconcile with my husband. I was looking for people who could identify with what I was going through to keep my spirits up while I was waiting to see what happened with my marriage. However, many of these people are getting ready to divorce and are quite bitter and angry. If I try to relay good news that happened between my husband and myself during the week, I sometimes get sarcastic comments. Someone might say ‘well, just wait. He’s just trying to be nice to you so that you’ll accept the divorce later.’ These type of comments are obviously not what I want to hear. I don’t mind expressing my fears, but I want people to try to talk me down or to help me look on the bright side. I don’t want people to tell me that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that all separations end in divorce. This is why I didn’t tell some friends and family, but now I am getting this with the support group. And yet, I know that I need support, so I am not sure what to do.”

I can really identify with what you are saying. I told some people about my own separation and I really came to regret it. Some of my friends became really angry with my husband and never really got over it – even after we reconciled. By then, I’d long forgiven my husband, and I just wanted to move on. But some people wouldn’t let it go. The thing is, with some people, if you tell them your most personal issues, then you’d better be ready to talk about those same issues every single time that you talk with them because they want to keep bringing it up and picking the scab. That is why you have to be really careful about who you confide in. Some people will project their own experiences and fears onto your experience and obviously, this doesn’t help you. Just because there are people in the support group who may be headed for divorce, this does not mean that you will be. At some point, I just had to tell people who weren’t supportive that I valued their friendship, but that I needed to talk about something else. Then I sought support elsewhere.

If you have not tried counseling, that is probably the very best option for support. They are trained professionals whose only job is to help you. They don’t know you outside of this and therefore are not going to let other things bleed into the reason for your being there. That is really the ideal scenario, but if you are resistant to counseling, then you have to pick your “trusted support person” carefully. If you truly feel that the support group isn’t going to improve, then you want to make sure that if you decide to end this support system, then you have already replaced it with a new and better one. Honestly, my ideal support person was not who I thought that it would be. It was someone from work who I did not know very well and perhaps that helped. She didn’t have all of the history with me that some of my other friends did. And she had separated and reconciled previously so she understood my thought process. Our interactions always left me feeling better, and not worse.

I often journaled my feelings on weekends because I knew that I needed to get them out and didn’t have access to my best support person. I came to decide that I’d rather journal to release my feelings than to have unsupportive people make me feel worse.

It’s important to remember that you can control who you allow to influence you. It’s possible to politely retreat when people aren’t understanding or supportive. It can be really important to surround yourself with positivity because it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s very important to remember that people’s unsupportive reactions usually have more to do with their situation than with yours. They are projecting their own life and their own problems onto you, which just isn’t fair. If the support group isn’t providing the support that you need and is just making you feel worse, there’s nothing wrong with politely seeking support elsewhere. Because support is very important, but it can be tricky and difficult to find the right, objective person or group of people. At the same time, you don’t want to alienate family and friends, which is why it’s fine to just change the subject and ask to discuss something else.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
How To Heal Yourself & Begin To Move On From A Broken Relationship

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Are you newly single? Have you just come out of a relationship or marriage? Failed relationships can be painful and challenging to overcome. While the most common solution is to rebound into another relationship, these relationships rarely survive beyond a few months. And even if they do, they mostly work more like a compromise. The best way out is to take advantage of your new relationship status by learning from the past and recreating your life. A breakup or divorce can be a positive experience if you choose to learn from it.

Learn from a failed relationship and prepare to receive your future partner:

What's the lesson? Every failed relationship provides at least one significant lesson. What was it? Relationships typically fail either due to errors in choosing a partner or errors in behavior. Reflect and see where "you" made a mistake and decide to do something better next time. If you have multiple failed relationships, check to see if there is a pattern you can identify common to all of them. If you can understand your contributions to the failed relationship, you'd be in a better position to attract the right person and make it work!

Let it go. Unless there are children involved, consider ceasing all contact till you get over the hurt. Resist the tendency to "accidentally" run into them at your favorite hangout, send a late-night text message, or stalk them on Facebook. Take anything that reminds you of them, box it up, and put it in the garage. It is possible to be friends with your 'ex-partner / spouse' but it takes two very matured people to make that happen plus some healing time to reach a point where a healthy friendship can be maintained with no heart aches.

Forgive him / her for your own sake. It's an easy word to say, but challenging to do. Remember! There's no closure without forgiveness. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the energy-draining quest for retribution.

Be there for yourself. It can be tempting to compromise on your hygiene, sit in front of the TV in your pajamas, and avoid the gym. However, it's important to continue taking care of yourself. Get a shower, spend time with friends that really care about you, and maintain your normal routine.

Get your life in order. Find a job you like if you don't already have one. Ensure your finances are in order. Get in shape. Feel good about your life and yourself before dating again. You want to have a great life to share with someone else, rather than find someone to fill in all the gaps and solve all the challenges in your life. Fix your life first! You'll be a much more attractive partner, when you do that.

Transform your space. Create a new environment at home. Move the furniture around. Renovate your home. Give yourself a fresh start.

Find a new hobby. There has got to be something you have always wanted to do. Now is the perfect time to do it! Take a photography class or buy a guitar. Join a dance class. Add something new and fun to your life.

Enjoy the freedom. Just enjoy the time, space and freedom of being single. Avoid starting a new relationship immediately. Spend more time with your friends and family.

Decide what you are looking for. Make a list of what you would like in a potential partner. Think about your past relationship experiences and put together a description of what you would like in a new partner. Also reflect on what that kind of person will be looking in their ideal partner. Work on yourself to develop those traits. Begin looking, but avoid straying too far from your list of requirements. Avoid falling into old patterns.

Take one step at a time. When you find a potential match, enjoy it. There's no rush. Take it slow. Neither be desperate for a commitment, nor commit too soon. Let it flow.

Moving on after a failed relationship can be especially challenging. Rely on friends and family to see you through. A breakup or divorce is an ideal time for self-examination and making positive changes in your life. There's no reason to be in a hurry to find a new partner. Move on from the past before jumping into a new relationship.

"Sometimes we must undergo hardships, breakups, and narcissistic wounds, which shatter the flattering image that we had of ourselves, in order to discover two truths: that we are not who we thought we were; and that the loss of a cherished pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true happiness and well-being. " – Jean-Yves LeLoup

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Source by Nidhika Bahl

Views: 0

July 29, 2022
When You're Back on the Dating Scene

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With so many relationships breaking down and such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce it's no wonder that many of us will, at some point, end up back on the dating scene.

We may be older and wiser, a little battered and bruised, but often, once we're ready to date again, thinking about rejoining the fray, we'll be harboring the fantasy of meeting someone special. Back on the dating scene means being optimistic, hopeful and looking forward to finding love again.

What do we need to consider when we're back on the dating scene?

– Our previous relationship experiences may have scarred our view and made us wary of what might go wrong. We may be keen to meet someone new but are nervous of trusting again. Cynicism of others' motives and being uncertain of our own instincts after getting it wrong may be sensible forms of self-protection, but if we treat all new dates with apprehension they will quickly sense our hesitancy and lack of enthusiasm. It's not going to bode well if we're on permanent alert, suspicious of their comments, behavior or intentions.

Counseling and hypnotherapy can be a useful start to the healing process and a good way to deal with past upsets. Therapy can help us to improve our confidence, self-esteem and remedy unwanted habit patterns, so becoming more assertive in an appropriate adult way. Don't forget that most potential dates will have their own story too, with their concerns, unease and fears. Starting out, second time around, can be a cautious time for both.

– This can be a good time to do things that boost your confidence. Maybe your wardrobe, make up or grooming regime need a refresh. Small changes can make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself and often cost very little to implement. Pay attention to current affairs, popular TV and local events so that you can easily join in conversations and offer relevant opinions. Think about picking up a hobby or interest, volunteering or joining a course. Exams don't have to be a factor!

– You may have to deal with children who are not too impressed at the thought of you dating again. They may have been through the damage of the breakup, witnessed the pain of the divorce and are used to you being around, more like your old self and always there for them. The thought of a new 'mum' or 'dad' arriving on the scene may fill them with horror.

Dependant on their age and awareness of the reasons for the breakup, they may have put your ex on a pedestal, especially if he or she is seen as the victim, all alone and struggling to recover. Giving you 'permission' to starting dating again might seem like a step too far and incredibly disloyal.

Children's jealousy, resentment and emotional blackmail may need to be navigated with kind but firm determination, especially if they refuse to share you or treat any potential serious new relationship with shock or disdain. Sometimes it's advisable to keep the fact that you're dating private until you're confident that this new relationship is right for you, even if that decision remains in place for months or even years, until the children are older or more settled.

And if they do insist on overseeing your love life it's important to refuse to allow yourself to be bullied by them. Older children are often determined to live their life on their terms, but equally they must allow you to do the same.

– Ageing, older parents can sometimes start to increase their demands just as you're ready to start back on the dating scene. They may be increasingly fragile and in need of greater levels of support. There may be concerns at leaving them unattended for too long, or that you could be called away at a moments notice. It could make the notion of dating again seem like too much hassle.

But supportive friends or the services offered by many local care agencies could potentially step into the breach and provide whatever level of support is required to help ease those concerns. And mobile phones make us all easily accessible.

– Friends too can send mixed messages. Sometimes at the outset, they may display great enthusiasm about getting you back on the dating scene. They may be keen to introduce you to single friends, arrange coffees, support you as you aim to lose a little weight and update your image. But then, if you become more committed to dating reality may sink in for them. The awareness that if you become serious about someone new and how it could significantly change your close, supportive relationship may hit them hard and prompt them to revise their approach.

Become aware of them starting to discourage you or of them regularly finding fault with your new love interest. Trust your gut and pay attention to any reasonable concerns they may have, but also appreciate that other people's perception of your date will be different to yours, especially if they're coming from a long-established, cozy, familiar relationship scenario.

Have some fun, take good care of yourself and enjoy getting back on the dating scene!

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Source by Susan Leigh

Views: 0

July 28, 2022
My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

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As a wife who has been very reluctantly separated, I would argue that there is a natural and undeniable inclination to cling tightly to what you are afraid of losing. And when you are a wife who does not want to lose your marriage or your husband, then it’s very natural to cling a little more tightly. In some instances and with some husbands, this doesn’t matter. Some husbands do not mind the clinging.

But when you are dealing with a husband who was demanding space and who seems to be distancing himself from his wife, it can matter – quite a bit, in fact. Many husbands push back against this type of clinging and distance themselves even more. They may use phrases like: “smothering,” “holding on too tight,” or “coming on too strong.”

The wives hear what the husband is saying, but they also point out that their husband is expecting something that just isn’t natural. She might say: “last night, my husband told me something that I never ever expected him to say. He told me that I was smothering him. We have been separated for about three weeks – at his insistence. If I had my way, he would still be living at home. But as it is, he is staying with a male friend. He has been restless and unhappy for months. He finally told me that he needed some time away from our marriage. I immediately panicked and assumed that he wanted a divorce. He swore that he didn’t. But I am still not sure that I believe him. I just don’t understand why a middle aged man should need space from his marriage unless he is planning to end the marriage or break his vows. And that is why I feel that I need to be in touch with him every day and know what he is doing. But when I try to do this, he tells me that I am “smothering” him. I believe his exact words were something like: ‘I felt like I was being smothered at home and now I feel like I can’t escape even now that I am here. You have got to stop smothering me. I have got to be my own person.’ It’s almost like he is accusing me of acting like his parent – and I absolutely am not. I just care about him and I think that I have the right to know what is going on with him and with my marriage. I don’t think that our talking a couple of times per day is too much to ask. I don’t call that ‘smothering.’ Do you?”

I am going to be honest because I honestly want to help you. And I want to help you because I have been in your shoes and, because I made so many similar mistakes that almost costs me my marriage, I learned a hard truth. And it is this: It really doesn’t matter if you or I wouldn’t call checking in “smothering.” Because if he perceives it as such, then he is going to react to that perception. And his reaction may be detrimental to what you really want. And isn’t that all that matters?

Understand That Ideal End Game: I suspect that you what you really want is both for him to come back and for him to come back willingly – and not with his tail between his legs because you have worn him down. Believe me, I understand the strategy. I never consciously thought about it. But looking back now, I think I figured that if I could bug my husband enough or remind him of our marriage enough, he’d eventually get sick of the back and forth and come back home.

Instead, he distanced himself from me even more. We’ve reconciled now. But he’s confided in me that there were times when he considered divorce because he felt that might be necessary to “escape” my constant contact.

I’m not here to debate whether or not my husband legitimately needed space from me. He and I will probably never agree on that. But what does matter is that he thought that he did. And frankly, that is all that matters. Because these thoughts formed his actions. Whether his thinking was faulty or not, he was going to act on it. And this thought process made a huge difference in what happened in our marriage.

I know that we wives like to think that if we just do or say the right thing, he will change his mind and not want space from us anymore. But frankly, this isn’t as likely as him just getting frustrated that you are not listening.

If What You’ve Done Isn’t Working, Consider Trying Something New: For me, the better call was backing away. I tried initially just telling my husband that I was going to let him call me next time. This did work – some, at least. But there were times when he would not call and I would panic and then come on too strong. So I took some time off by putting literal miles between us by returning to my hometown for a while. This forced me to back away – because I didn’t have much of a choice.

This didn’t feel ideal at the time. Honestly, it felt like giving up at that particular moment in time. But it did eventually make a positive difference. Eventually, my husband started reaching out to me. And as this started to work, I didn’t have to force myself quite as much anymore. I literally saw that it was working, so the struggle became much less because finally I was starting to see the tide turn. For this reason, I was more than willing to go along because I knew it was the better alternative.

I am not suggesting that you need to do the same thing. That may not work for you. But I am suggesting that you ask yourself if backing away – even for just a little while – might be worth a try. You can always reverse course if it doesn’t work for you. But once you know for sure that what you’re doing isn’t working – and once your husband has literally told you in harsh words that he’s getting frustrated – then these are both good indications that you may want to change course, even if only for a little while. At the very least, maybe try a form of communication that he doesn’t find “smothering.” You may not technically be smothering, but if he thinks you are, then that is what matters.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 26, 2022
Am I Ordained To Marry?

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One common question people ask us during counseling is whether they are ordained to marry or not. Few weeks ago, a sister walked up to me to ask if she was ordained to marry or not. I asked why she thought so. She said, her pastor taught them that it is written in Matthew 19:12 that some people were made to be eunuchs and therefore, not everyone is expected to marry. And now she was worried because of the series of disappointments she had experienced in her relationships. When I asked her whether they were equally taught how to differentiate between both groups she said that was why she came to ask me. I said she should have gone to her pastor to ask but she said she would not because they were more interested in how many souls they had won to Christ than their marital plans.

Her vehement refusal to go to her pastor for counsel was a clear indication that she had gone through some elements of frustration. I don’t know how many people are in the same situation today. All I know is that someone will be free from this bondage today.

Before I address the core issue, let me tell you that Christianity is a balanced relationship. The same God that says he that wins a soul is wise also says marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral, (Hebrew 13:4 NIV). The practice of holding back mature adults in church from marriage because you don’t want to lose them to other churches or distract them from actively engaging in church growth is unbalanced and unhealthy for the growth you desire. Marriage is an honor before God. It brings glory to God. Anyone that desires to marry should be encouraged before they begin to defy themselves right under your pulpit.

My counsel is that while encouraging them to continue winning souls they should also be counseled on the right way to find the right kind of spouse and the right way to marry. Teach them to let their marriage become a plus to the church instead of minus. If you alone could chase one thousand souls, let you and your spouse join in marriage to chase after ten thousand souls.

Matthew 19:12 says: ” For there are some eunuchs, who were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, who were made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it let him receive it.”

The above scripture clearly defines the three categories of eunuchs. Our point of emphasis here shall be on those born eunuchs from their mothers’ womb. The other two are those forced into it and those that became so by their choice.

When God created man in His image and likeness, He decreed that he should go into the world and multiply. That declaration is for you and me. The only approved way to achieve this multiplication is to marry legally and keep the matrimonial bed holy. You don’t need an angel to whisper into your ears that it is time to marry. The rules are there in the bible. That is not our focus for today anyway.

Take example from Abraham, the father of faith. He didn’t need any prophecy to discern whether his son Isaac, needed a wife or not. All he needed was simple wisdom drawn from the Word of God. God told him during his call that through him the earth shall be populated with His new generation of children. He settled it in his mind to get a wife for Isaac to make that calling and purpose come to fruition. At the appointed time, he sent his servant, Eleazar to go to his kindred to get a wife for Isaac. You know the rest of the story in Genesis chapter twenty-four.

God designed man with all the features required to perform all that He wants him to do on earth in the same way a manufacturer will not put his products in the market place without the inbuilt features to function. Signs of puberty, sexual emotions and strong attraction towards the opposite sex are some indicators that you are ordained to marry. When His due season is near, He begins to impress His desires in your spirit for onward transmission to these dormant sexual potentials in you and suddenly you will awaken to certain pressure in that direction. The bible says, ” it is God who works in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure”, Philippians 2:13. Marriage is one of the good things that bring pleasure to God. When you start feeling the urge or willingness to get married just know God has begun this good work in you. Anybody that has this urge or desire to marry is one of those God has ordained to marry. Period!

To become a eunuch or to marry is your choice. God has given you the free will to decide it. He will not choose or impose any one on you. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because he wanted to use his life to serve God and not because God said he should not. His case should not become a doctrine to dissuade people from fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives. He even admonished anyone that is unable to bear it to marry instead of burning in lust. If you choose to live a life of celibacy or choose to marry as you have desired, God is pleased with you. Do not allow previous disappointments dissuade you or make you start thinking that it might be that you are among the chosen eunuchs. You are ordained! If things are not working well, find out what you have not been doing right, keep correcting and working on yourself so God can connect you with the right kind of spouse.

However, it does not mean you should rush into anyone because God has willed it so for you. There is period to find the right kind of spouse and there is time for preparation. My stake here is to let you know that these signs put you in the category God has ordained to marry. You do belong to the group of those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb.

Parents should watch out for these signs in their children and wards. When these signs begin to show up, it is a signal to parents to start preparing their children or wards for the next phase of their lives. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians around these children do not always prepare them on time, and sometimes they misdirect them through wrong information. We owe the upcoming generation this responsibility as guardians. Those who fail at this level of parenting always regret it because late stitches steal real good time.

Those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb do not have and will never have the urge to get married because they do not have the features in them. I do not mean those incapacitated by sickness, diseases and infirmities like down syndromes, depression or paralysis. These are healthy and virile folks who are repugnant to the site of the opposite sex. They never have any amorous feelings towards the opposite sex even when they are both nude in a secret room.

Whether we choose to marry, remain single or born incapacitated, it does not make us sinners or better before God. He loves all of us equally, but it will please Him to see us fulfill His desires for us. I have cleared the obstacles before you. The onus is now on you to decide what you want. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because it was his choice. Apostle Peter did not divorce his wife because of God’s work, yet God accepted them all. Decide your case by yourself.

Remain Blessed!

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Source by Christopher UI Ogholoh

Views: 0

July 25, 2022
My Husband Says He Doesn’t Care If I Stay Or Leave

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I sometimes hear from wives who have been telling their husband that they are considering leaving the home or the marriage. Some are sincere about this. They are unhappy and feel that taking a break by leaving may be the best thing at the time. Others are not exactly serious about leaving. They are threatening to leave in the hopes that their husband will ask them not to (or they will at least get a reaction out of him to show that he still cares.)

Unfortunately, sometimes this backfires. The wife will announce her intention to leave and hope that her husband will try to stop her (or at the very least ask her not to leave.) Instead, her husband will tell her that he really doesn’t care if she stays or goes. This leaves her unsure of how to proceed. Does she go when she really doesn’t want to in order to save face or make a point? Or does she cave and simply tell him that she changed her mind? And what does her husband’s indifference say about the state of her marriage or her ability to save it?

She might say, “my husband and I have been fighting pretty badly for almost four months. Things are definitely not happy at home. For a while, my husband was apartment hunting and was telling me that he was going to move out, but he never actually did. Still, he complained constantly. I got tired of hearing him complain all of the time, so I told him that I was going to leave so he wouldn’t have to be so unhappy. Now, I’m going to be honest. I really hoped that he would confess that he really doesn’t want for us to live apart, which is why he hadn’t actually signed a lease or moved out yet. Instead, his exact words to me were: ‘I really don’t care if you stay or go.’ He just sort of shrugged his shoulders and said that nothing really changes between us no matter what we do. Now, I am unsure about how to proceed. This hurts me. I had hoped that his not moving out meant that he was willing to save our marriage, but now he acts as if he is indifferent as to whether we live together or not. I don’t want to pack my stuff and leave, but what do I even say now? How do I avoid not having to leave my house? Do I just have to admit that I gambled and lost and that my marriage is over?”

I don’t think so. If everyone who ever threatened to leave their marriage ended up divorced, the divorce rate would be much higher than it actually is. Many couples make these sorts of threats in the heat of the moment and nothing actually comes of them. The threats are understandable. They are usually made because things are bad, but nothing is changing. So one of the spouses decides to shake things up by threatening to leave. The hope is the other spouse will beg them not to go and will have to craft a plan to make things better. Frankly, your husband might have done exactly the same thing when he threatened to leave previously. He did not make good on the threat and I don’t believe that you have to, either, especially if you really don’t want to go.

However, it goes without saying that in order for both of you to want to stay put, you’re going to need to dig in and really improve your marriage so that one or both of you do not get so frustrated that you just give up. I think it would be helpful if you could clear the air, if possible, so that you both know that no one is going anywhere immediately. Because if the living situation is up in the air, it becomes harder to commit to doing the work necessary to save your marriage. If you doubt that your spouse will stick around and work with you, there can be some uncertainty, which could hurt your progress. So you might try something like, “well, you may not care if I leave or stay, but I have decided that I care very much. I have calmed down and thought about it and, if I’m being honest, I really don’t want to leave. I said that I did because I was frustrated and didn’t know how to fix this. But I think of instead of us both getting angry and threatening to leave, we could turn our energy toward making things better between us so that no one has to go. I’d prefer not to leave and live alone. I am hopeful that if we work together, neither of us will need to live alone.”

Yes, saying this will make you feel vulnerable, may feel awkward, and requires that you are the bigger person. But it will hopefully buy you some time. After you have cleared the air, hopefully no one will need to threaten to leave in the hopes that the other will ask them not to go. Because in essence, you will have accomplished what you are both hoping for – the reassurance that with work, no one will have to leave, because no one really wants to separate.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 24, 2022
What Will Romance and Marriage Look Like in 100 Years?
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Now, I’m not a paranormal writer (at least, not yet) but you do have to wonder…

Look back 100 years – 1917
- Some marriages were still arranged
- Dating was done in groups or with a chaperone
- Receiving gifts was very much a part of the romance
- Virginity was more common until the wedding night
- Many women married in their teens, not finishing high school
- Women over 25 years old were considered spinsters
- It was romantic to cook a lovely meal with a candle lit table setting
- Kink was considered something very private, as well as the act of sex
- Sex was often times considered only for procreation
- Marriages lasted many years – divorce not being considered, even in the worse circumstances due to its stigma.
Looking at today – 2017
- Many couples meet via social media or internet dating sites
- Dating is rarely chaperoned
- Gifts are typically only given for special occasions
- Virginity is a rarity – many couples have sex by the third date, if not sooner
- Many women opt for high school and college graduation prior to considering marriage
- Many women wait until their 30’s and 40’s to marry the first time – waiting until their careers are established or hoping to find the right one later on when they’re more mature – avoiding divorce
- A romantic dinner out is preferred to avoid cleanup
- Kink is freely talked about in order to find a more suitable mate
- Sex is considered a must not an option – even without the need to procreate, thanks to advances in birth control
- It’s typical to find a mate who has been married multiple times due to divorce being a ready option for difficult relationships
Flash Forward 100 years – 2117
- Couple paring will be arranged for more equality in intellect
- Dating will be obsolete
- Gifts will be unnecessary
- Virginity will be in demand as to keep couple paring limited
- Advanced education for both parties will be the norm
- All will be pared by age 30
- Kink will again be private and underground
- Sex will be demanded for only procreation, all other options for sex will be private and underground
- Divorce will be obsolete
Of course, all this is my own personal option. What do you think romance and marriage will be like in 100 years? I’d love to hear your ideas.

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Source by Linda Bolton

Views: 0
July 23, 2022
Your Lifestyle And Hypertension (Part 2)

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Let’s go a little quantitative and slightly medical for a while. When you visit your doctor or any legally recognized health practitioner, taking your blood pressure is one of the basic examinations to be performed. And afterwards, they usually scribble some jargons on a piece of paper and probably prescribe to you some drugs thereafter, with cacographic handwritings. Blood pressures are measured with the use of a Sphygmomanometer tied around your upper arm as a cuff, and the values are documented as a fraction of your highest blood pressure (systolic) to your lowest blood pressure (diastolic). Normal values are of the ranges 100-140mmHg for the systolic and 60-90mmHg for the diastolic.

Secondary hypertension usually results from an identifiable cause. It is a case of “if Jericho refuses to challenge Israel, Israel must pull down Jericho!” either way, everybody must know that Israel wins. This means that primary hypertension can later become Secondary hypertension or Secondary hypertension can usually occur on its own due to identifiable causes such as Kidney failure, Hyperthryroidism or Coarctation of the Aorta and so many others. Either way, one’s body organs begin to fail. Jericho’s wall starts to fall!

Two new concepts suddenly emerge at this point. The one is called Hypertensive urgencies and the other is known as hypertensive emergencies. Both involve a sustained high blood pressure above normal (about 180/110 mmHg), however the latter usually occurs with an evidence of target organ damage. What are these target organs? They include the eyes, the Kidneys, Brain, Lungs and Heart. Imagine a blind bedridden human with paralysis, bad kidneys and yet has a heart attack. A good example of the living dead. Many patients are usually noncompliant when the doctor says, “Sir, we would need to admit you immediately”. This statement is often made when the kidneys have written resignation letter to the association of body parts and both eyes have decided to get a divorce.

Is Hypertension Age Dependent?

While hypertension is commonly a condition in adults and much worse in the elderly, children oftentimes are diagnosed of hypertension but this is very rare: like finding one bad egg in a warehouse of shipped crates. Children affected often fail to thrive or develop as should be, frequently have nose bleeding, easily fatigued, often breathless, blurred vision, irritability seizures and sometimes facial paralysis. If found in children, it usually is a pointer to a problem with their kidneys.

I’m Pregnant, What about me?

Hypertension would usually occur in 8-10% of global pregnancies, and is said to be in pregnancy if there is sustained elevation of blood pressure after 2 checkups within a 6-hour period in between checkup’s. It could be a preexisting hypertension which must have been present before conception. It could also be gestational due to pregnancy and may then progress to what we call Preeclampsia which is characterized by increased protein in the urine in addition to the raised blood pressure. Preeclampsia is present in 5% of pregnancies. However, preecmplamsia can further progress to becoming Eclampsia, which is a very fatal gestational hypertensive emergency. It is capable of claiming the lives of both mother and unborn child. Pregnant women should have regular antenatal checkups and have their blood pressures closely monitored and controlled when necessary.

Even drugs are Culprits.

All substances are potential poisons, the dosage would tell. There are many other factors aside from drug dosage that can cause adverse drug effects. Drugs such as NSAIDS(pain killers), Oral contraceptives like morning after pill, drugs that increase your heart rate, drugs that retain fluid in your blood vessels(Antidiuretics) and various Steroids can cause Secondary hypertension.

What do I do now?

Hypertension is not the end of life. Visit your doctor and listen to whatever treatment modalities he or she gives you. Be compliant. This is a serious one. Poorly managed hypertension is as good as no treatment at all. Appropriate lifestyle modifications are essential here: exercise regularly, reduce salt intake, avoid much stress, Smoking and Alcohol intake should be a no no, or at least reduced to nonlethal amounts. You may also want to quit these 2 habits meet with your doctor for advice. Eat well and Sleep well. DASH (Dietary Approach to Stop Hypertension) diet is encouraged here. Your meals should generally contain low fat dairy foods, enough vegetables and whole grains, fruits are also essential with limited sugar-sweetened foods and beverages.

Hypertension is another hidden menace in our evolving society. Let’s all join hands and fight it off together. Health is no doubt Wealth.

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Source by Nelson U Udeme

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July 23, 2022