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  • Should You Attempt To Show Your Spouse Affection During A Marital Separation?

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    Many people who are reluctantly separated are not sure how they are supposed to act around their separated spouse. This can seem very odd. After all, this is your spouse that we are talking about. Chances are, you have known him for a very long time and being around him should feel as natural as breathing. However, if you are separated and want to reconcile, you can sometimes sense that you are on shaky ground with your spouse. You don’t want to do or say anything that will make him uncomfortable or drive him away. And yet, the wish to reach out to him can be hard to ignore.

    Someone might ask, “How do people handle the showing of affection during trial separations? My husband and I have only been separated for a short time and honestly, I’m not quite sure of protocol here. My husband was over visiting the kids this weekend and we were discussing a sad issue with my husband’s extended family. My husband was upset and I went to hug him, with no ulterior motive whatsoever. I simply wanted to give him some comfort. I didn’t really think about it beforehand. But when I did it, I felt my husband bristle. He literally stiffened at my touch. I pulled away and tried not to make a big deal of it. Later I talked about this with one of my friends and she suggested that perhaps I should not show physical affection to my husband while we are separated. She said that when you separated, you aren’t necessarily loving on one another. Is this true? Should I not be showing affection to my husband right now? He wanted to separate. I did not, but none of this means that I don’t love him anymore. If I shouldn’t show him affection, I could stop. But I don’t really want to. I feel like I’ve already lost so much. Do people really not show affection while separated?”

    It really does depend on the couple. I know some couples who continue to hug, kiss, have sex, etc, while separated. And I know others who hesitate to touch in any way. There is really no hard and fast rule about this. And in my opinion and observation (based and on my own separation,) I think that it is best if you either follow the understandings that you’ve already established. Or, if you have not established boundaries, you either ask now or read your spouse’s cues to determine his comfort level.

    My husband seemed pretty uncomfortable in similar situations and finally I just asked him. I literally said, “Should I not do this?” when I attempted to reach out to him. My husband didn’t flat out tell me no, but he was clearly not comfortable with physical affection in the beginning of our separation. So I eventually decided to just allow him to take the lead. That way, I didn’t have to worry about doing something that would hurt communication between us. Instead, I eventually focused on trying to be comfortable and to laugh and relax with one another so that he’d want to keep communicating. Further down the road, he was the one to initiate physical affection and I believe that this worked best for us, but that may not be true of every couple.

    I do also know that things may change from one day to the next. There might be a time when your spouse pulls away from you and then three days later, he’s reaching out to hug you. It can certainly be confusing and can give you mixed signals. However, I don’t think that you can ever go wrong by being friendly and supportive, but also observant as to how he is acting and how receptive that he might be at the time.

    I realize that this is frustrating. I used to think during my own separation that it just should not be so hard to know how to act around my own husband. But I think that if I would have pressed the issue and pushed affection when he wasn’t receptive, that might have delayed our progress even more. I learned that you really do have to take a gradual approach and just accept the progress that you are given.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Follow the Yellow Brick Road to More Sales

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    When Dorothy landed in Oz, she wanted to go home and was told by the Munchkins to see the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. “But how do I find the Wizard”, she asked. “Follow the Yellow Brick Road”. “And the best way to start, is at the beginning”. And that holds true for the Sandler System as well. Start at the beginning.

    The beginning step in the Sandler Sales Process is to establish bonding and rapport with your prospect. Once you’ve created a good relationship with this person, you can then set an up-front contract on what you will discuss, typically their agenda and yours, with a specific outcome in mind. This up-front contract should lead them down the path towards revealing some pain. If there’s no pain to reveal, then you can shake hands and part as friends, and move on to the next prospect. However, if you do reveal some pain, then you schedule a next meeting where you can delve deeper into the prospects issues and pain.

    THE PAIN FUNNEL IN ACTION

    Let’s look at a sample story showing the pain funnel in action. In this story, our sales person works for a contractor who builds navigation systems for fighter jets, and has an appointment to see Henry Jones. Henry has an engineering background and is very technical in nature. Watch how the sales person starts out using the questions from the Sandler Pain Funnel to better understand his prospect, and then slowly moves Henry through the funnel towards a sale. The questions are broad at first, but then become more specific and designed to make the prospect more emotional. The idea is to grasp Henry’s problems and lead him to reveal how the problems affect Henry personally.

    Henry starts by asking the salesperson, “Can you design a system that will easily retro- fit our F-16s so that rewiring will not be problematic?” As you can see, this is a very technical question for a very technical problem. The salesperson can try one of one two things: answer the question directly and speak about the product’s features and benefits, or try to uncover the real intent of the question and ultimately, if there’s any pain. In this example, the salesperson employs the Pain Funnel to dig for the pain behind the prospect’s question. The salesperson responds, “You know, that’s a great question. Can you tell me more about that?” Henry answers back, “Yes. We’ve had some experiences retrofitting F-16s with different types of equipment and ran into some challenges. It takes a very long time to rewire the system, and that becomes problematic when you have to disconnect wiring harnesses and lots of other systems that are related to whatever it is we are installing.” The salesperson probes, “Can you be a bit more specific? Give me an example.”

    Keep in mind, each and every question the salesperson asks comes from the Pain Funnel. Even though the questions are in order, you can tell it offers a very smooth arc to the overall conversation. If you have internalized the questions and the process, it won’t feel awkward guiding a prospect through the Pain Funnel in exactly the order prescribed.

    Henry continues, “Well, recently we had to retrofit replacements into the planes. We had to take out the ejection seats and remove some of the navigational systems. We even had to get into the hydraulics. So, what we originally anticipated would be a 25-hour job turned into a job that lasted close to 200 hours. It’s not so much the hours that really bothers us as the amount of time the fighters have to be out of service in order to get it done.” The salesperson continues down the Pain Funnel, “How long has that been a problem?” “It’s been two years that we’ve been dealing with this,” Henry replies. “OK. What have you tried to do about that?” the salesperson asks, following the Pain Funnel method exactly.

    Henry answers, “We talked to a contractor to see if there was a possible fix, and they came up with some recommendations.” The salesperson goes to the next Pain Funnel question: “And did that work?” Henry responds, “The only potentially viable solution they came up with was to redesign the entire system. That would actually take the planes out of commission for even longer.” The salesperson asks, “Do you have any idea how much that would cost you?” “A lot. But it’s not just dollars. It also puts peoples’ lives at risk. Every day that one of those planes is out of service, we risk not having a jet ready to protect people”, Henry says more emotionally now. “How do you feel about that?” the salesperson asks sincerely. (Or alternatively, the salesperson could ask, “What’s your level of commitment to seeing if there is a way to make sure this problem doesn’t happen again?”) “Honestly? We’re very upset this is happening, and we have to get it fixed. We need solutions that minimize the amount of time these planes are out of service. Do you think you can help us?”, Henry pleads.

    THAT’S HOW IT WORKS

    In our prior scenario, the salesperson effectively uncovered Henry’s pain. So what’s next? Uncover even more pain. An effective Pain Step means uncovering 3 to 5 elements of pain the prospect is dealing with. However, don’t use the same approach each time, vary it a bit to keep the prospect unaware of what you are doing. A classic bit of sales wisdom is, “The best presentation you will ever give is the one the prospect doesn’t see.” Since the prospect has revealed to you what to present in order to win the sale, you will want to move forward in the sales process by offering direct solutions that relieve his pain. However, don’t do it right away. First, be sure you really have uncovered three to five pains, and done a good job on the Budget and Decision Steps. In other words, stay within the Sandler Seven Step process. At this point, you will be ready to present the appropriate solutions in the Fulfillment Step. Moreover, if you’ve done your job correctly, like Dorothy did, and followed the Yellow Brick Road to Oz, all you need to do is click the Ruby Slippers together and the deal will close itself, and may even take you some where over the rainbow!

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    Source by Greg Nanigian

    Views: 0

  • Data Science in Healthcare: Applications That Are Changing the Health of the Masses

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    Data is everywhere and it would be foolish not to use it for the betterment of various sectors and the general public. This is the reason why the medicine and the healthcare field are using big data as an effective tool to gather data and analyze the same. It can help improve the existing technologies and also will help in developing new ones, prevent any kind of epidemic, lower the costs of diagnosis and treatments, etc.

    Big data will help the doctors to make informed decisions at a better pace making less mistakes. Data will also help in getting a bigger picture of the population as a whole by identifying the larger problems which can be a problem after 20 years.

    Some of the major uses of data science in the field of healthcare are discussed below:

    Staffing

    Deciding the proper number of doctors, nurses and other staff in various shifts are big decisions as overstaffing means extra costs and understaffing means fewer staff to treat the patients. With data science and various machine learning techniques, one can find the patterns in hospital admissions in the last few years and can also get predictions regarding future admissions. This will help the management in making correct shift staffing decisions.

    Wearables

    Another use of data science is wearables which are certain equipment that can be worn by the patients. These instruments will be capable of collecting medical data about the person wearing the same and this will be collected in the database which can be helpful for comparing various socioeconomic factors and health in general. It will also be helpful for the concerned person’s doctors to be alerted when the health deteriorates.

    Predictive analysis

    Doctors need to diagnose health problems, and having pre-existing data can be very helpful. Big data techniques can help doctors predict the disease within a very small period, as this can provide the patients with the timely treatment. Also, the electronic health records help a lot in certain complex cases which requires medical history.

    Web medicine

    With various digital devices now into play, the telemedicine approach has become much stronger and more improved in the last few years. Now patients can talk to and consult with doctors from home using various means like video conferences, chatbots, etc. Here data science can help in the diagnosis of the diseases easily, even if the patient is not admitted to the hospital. Also, by using the big data tools, technologies are being developed which can perform robotic surgeries which require a lot of data delivery to the software in real-time.

    Security

    Data science is also helpful in making sure that the patients and the hospitals do not go through any kind of forgery. Using streamlined data, inconsistencies and frauds can be recognized much earlier, thus preventing loss of money and other resources. Big data tools will help in correcting the insurance procedures by preventing faulty and fraudulent insurance claims and also will make sure that patients are compensated while the hospitals are paid in time.

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    Source by Shalini M

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  • Your Lifestyle and Hypertension (Part 1)

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    Hypertension is a chronic (long term) medical condition which is characterized by a persistent increase in the blood pressure in our arteries. This is why it is also called High Blood Pressure (HBP). We may have come across it in many literatures being referred to as a silent killer! Yes. It sure is one. Nobody wants to reach the end of the time of life, at least not at an age when much work is still left undone, words left unsaid, and special people left unloved. This is where it gets a little dicey. More than 50% of those with hypertension do not even know that they have it! More like an insecure king wining and dining with a traitor and a lot of times many more traitors as we shall come to realize in prospect.

    Here are some epidemiological facts to serve as an eye opener for us to understand what is really at stake here

    Hypertension is generally of two types. A primary type and of course a secondary type. The primary type is caused by non-specific factors involving one’s lifestyle or genetic predisposition. These factors include but are not limited to smoking, obesity, high salt intake, sedentary lifestyle, depression and it accounts for over 95% of the total hypertensive individuals. The remaining 5% or thereabout have the secondary type of hypertension which is due to or secondary to known pre-existing causes such as chronic kidney disease, hormonal abnormalities, use of birth control pills, pregnancy, coarctation of the largest artery in the body, the aorta and stenosis of one or both renal arteries.

    Fortunately, hypertension is one of those medical conditions which are readily preventable and then proper treatments, preventive techniques and management strategies are well utilized. This means there is virtually one way to know your Hypertensive status. This is in essence but in fact that it is by getting your blood pressure checked frequently. Hypertension if left unchecked, could cause any of the following:

    1. Coronary artery disorder; a diseased of the blood vessels that supplies the heart itself with nutrients and blood

    2. Heart failure

    3. Stroke

    4. Blindness

    5. Chronic Kidney Disease

    6. Peripheral Vascular Disease

    7. Multiorgan Failure

    8. Death

    Why must I examine my lifestyle?

    I would start with those who love salt so much that we even salt our soft drinks, drinking water and bathing water. I would have to bring our minds back to the Ebola virus outbreak in Nigeria some years ago where different sacrilegious ideas came up from nowhere advising people to chew kolanut with salt water and to have their bath with salt water. I hope we know that many people supposedly died of this act than from the disease outbreak itself.

    The normal and most striking attribute of salt in the body system is to pull along with it as much water as it can. Hence, engorging the blood vessels and making them overloaded with fluid. The heart in response to this starts to overwork itself so as to compensate for the unnecessary increase in volume it has to pump per cycle. Before you know what is happening, the heart begins to fail until it eventually gives way to stress.

    Next is smoking. This one is very bad and its medical significance goes beyond hypertension. It is the single most important factor for developing coronary artery disease. Smoking grossly increases the chance of getting down with hypertension in the long run. Its close relative, Alcohol is also a major stakeholder in the world of lifestyle diseases. Hypertension gotten via one of these is not good let alone combining both alcohol and smoking. I can imagine the great wall of Jericho falling flat once more.

    Worthy of mention also is a very common one of which virtually everyone is a culprit. This is exercise. The standard approach about this is that one should have at least 30 minutes of exercise each day for at least 3 days in a week. This is the minimum you are permitted to go. Exercise simply helps your heart to improve in its function and enable it to cope with increased workload barring any case, you might have gotten engaged with much salt or other substance that overloads your blood volume. Also, your heartbeat is increased and blood flows faster. These and many more are the wonderful effects of exercise on your body.

    There is a serious relationship between hypertension and obesity. Obese individuals usually have impaired carbohydrate, protein and lipid metabolisms. As such, they usually have a strong tendency to have Diabetes Mellitus and under-utilized high level of glucose in the blood is just as harmful as salt in the blood. Bad lipids are often times deposited on the walls of their arteries thereby reducing their diameters and restricting the flow of blood in it. This is one of the causes of hypertension in the obese; increased peripheral resistance of the blood vessels.

    Lastly, on this episode of your Health column, it would suffice to say that what we see is what you eat. Much need not be said about this. Eat well, eat smart and eat right!

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    Source by Nelson U Udeme

    Views: 0

  • Find Fail Safe Project Success With These 4 Simple Tips

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    Getting your project — even a large one — off to a successful and quick beginning is a major key to success.

    So, here’s some help. Read on for 4 tips to help you move your project into the “Fail Safe” zone. As you use your skills and power to think ahead, your results can far surpass what a traditional approach to project management offers.

    1. Open to new possibilities for structuring your project.

    Start by clearly defining your desired outcome, and then build around it. Beginning with your goal stimulates your creativity and moves you away from automatically following a standard protocol. Let fresh ideas bubble up.

    2. Refine the image of your goal. Make it comprehensive and specific.

    Keep working at your project definition. Having a crystal clear image of your desired outcome before you begin helps in lots of ways. For one thing, it’s motivating. And vague descriptions may result in confusion for those who need to understand your project or those whose help you may need in order to be successful. The clarity of your goal will also help you strategize more effectively when you’re structuring your action steps.

    3. What about the scope and complexity of your desired outcome? If you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, remember that you hold the power to make your project manageable.

    Realistic planning at the outset greatly reduces your chances of having to scale back your original goal. A doctoral dissertation or strategic plan without a feasible-to-achieve outcome can easily become a project that is impossible to manage. Learn to marshal your resources by simplifying.

    4. Work backward.

    Start from your outcome and work back. This helps you identify each necessary action step. When you do this, you’re more likely to maintain a realistic pace and scale throughout the project.

    In contrast, beginning at the beginning can mire you in too much detail or overwhelm you with the enormity of your task.

    It’s deeply rewarding to plan a project effectively when first starting out. You will proceed with more confidence and develop a stronger base of support.

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    Source by Paula Eder

    Views: 0

  • Numerology’s Habit Challenge; Hidden Strength From Your Name

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    All of us know what it’s like to have a crisis on our hands. When you have such a problem, where do you find the ability to deal with it? Numerology can help you find out what your basic approach is to solving the really hard problems in life. You just need to calculate your Habit Challenge.

    The Habit Challenge has several names: Submerged Characteristic and Habit number to name a few. This value reveals a hidden strength which you can use when problems are especially difficult for you. You don’t call on it often, but it’s there when you need it. Note: since this value is based on your use name, it can change throughout your lifetime.

    Habit Challenge Calculation

    Your Habit Challenge is calculated by counting the number of digits in your use name, and then reducing the total by fadic addition. For example actor Johnny Depp’s habit challenge value is (1) as shown below:

    Johnny Depp = (6 + 4) = (10) = (1 + 0) = (1)

    Habit Challenge (1) – Originality

    Your value gives you the ability to find an original solution to difficult problems, often to the surprise of others. Choosing to take the lead in these problems brings quick results.

    Habit Challenge (2) – Follower

    Your value gives you the ability to be a good follower; to let others lead and to obey orders when necessary. Collaboration is usually successful and some skill in diplomacy is present.

    Habit Challenge (3) – Imagination

    Your value gives you the ability to use your imagination and creativity to solve unusually difficult problems; you will find an artistic solution. You don’t always take these kinds of problems seriously.

    Habit Challenge (4) – Logic

    Your value gives you the ability to use logic and set reasonable goals to solve unusually difficult problems. Detailed, unemotional analysis will be your tools. You prefer a practical and orthodox solution to these problems. You will remain emotionally calm and cool in these situations.

    Habit Challenge (5) – Adaptive

    Your value gives you the ability to be adaptable, take risks, and accept changes to solve unusually difficult problems. New, untried solutions can work for you. You will show quickness of thought and versatility in these situations.

    Habit Challenge (6) – Responsible

    Your value gives you the ability to be responsible and sympathetic to the needs of others in solving unusually difficult problems. The effects on friends and family will be considered in reaching your solution.

    Habit Challenge (7) – Meditation

    Your value gives you the ability to meditate and seek within yourself to solve unusually difficult problems. You will tend to reject unsought advice and work to find your own solutions. You will wait to act until conditions are perfect to solve these problems.

    Habit Challenge (8) – Ruthless

    Your value gives you the ability to be efficient and ruthless in solving unusually difficult problems. You will set goals and work long and hard on them in these situations. Determination and persistence will be used in solving these problems.

    Habit Challenge (9) – Broad Minded

    Your value gives you the ability to take a broad-minded and idealistic approach to solve unusually difficult problems. You will be generous towards others in these situations. You will have unexpected and dramatic reactions to any opposition in solving these problems.

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    Source by Keith Abbott

    Views: 0

  • How To Cure Borborygmi (Borborygmus)

    How To Cure Borborygmi (Borborygmus)

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    Borborygmus (or Borborygmi being the plural) is the term given to loud rumbling stomach noise which occur when food/gas is passed through the stomach, intestine and gut. Borborygmus is the term given to this and occurs in both humans and animals.

    This condition can be a very embarrassing, painful and annoying condition for those who suffer from it. Many of it’s symptoms can be compared to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) such as diarrhea, stomach bloated, stomach gurgling and many more.

    This condition is easily cured or remedied with a simple change in diet once you know what causes it. I was a personal sufferer of this condition and since changing my diet I have been symptom free for over a year now.

    What Causes Borborygmi?

    Borborygmi is the sound of undigested carbohydrates within your digestive system. Many foods produce carbohydrates, some foods are far worse than others. For those who suffer from borbrygmi should carefully select the carbohydrates that they eat and try to avoid the ‘unnatural’ or unsuitable foods that cause borborygmus.

    The most likely foods that cause thos condition include:

    • Milk
    • Wheat
    • Oats
    • High sugar fruits
    • High sugar vegetables
    • Beans
    • Bread
    • Sugar (particularly fructose)
    • Gluten

    Many of the foods listed above are simply not natural for human consumption. Foods such as wheat, sugar, bread and even milk. This may come as a surprise but foods that are ideal for human consumption are foods that the caveman would eat such as meat, vegetables, fruit With the increase of such foods into our diet over the last 100 years conditions such as borborygmi and IBS has increased significantly.

    How To Cure Borborygmi

    With the cause of borborygmi now established it gives us a better idea of how to remedy this condition. Ideally you should look to restrict your intake of foods to very low sugar items. Items with a very low GI rating and items with very little carbohydrate content. These items are digested over a longer period of time and are more natural and easier to digest. These foods by their very nature cause very little gas, it is the gas that is created that will cause very loud abdominal pain, stomach bloating and……..borborygmi.

    A diet plan is the best approach to curing this problem. I have written a more indepth view of borborygmi which is called Common Causes of Borborygmi, check it out, many people have commented on the help it has provided them.

    Once you eliminated these problem foods then you should ideally remain eating them for a couple of weeks to give your body enough time to adjust to this new way of eating. Once this two week period has elapsed then slowly introduce high protein and low sugar foods into your diet one week at a time. There is more information on this diet and cure for borborygmi on the link above.

    Good Luck….

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    Source by Alan Kings

    Views: 0

  • Conventional, Versus Wellness Approach, To Health

    Conventional, Versus Wellness Approach, To Health

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    What we consider, the conventional approach, to health, in the United States, differs, in many ways, from the way, most of the rest of the world, considers, and approaches, this concept. Many seem to believe, a conventional approach, means, using allopathic medicine, which includes, a primary emphasis on chemically designed, prescriptions, and treatments, while, in most other nations, this approach, includes, both allopathy, as well as alternative remedies, and treatments. Which way, is best for you, depends, on your specific mindset, attitude, overall health, condition, beliefs, etc. With that in mind, this article will attempt to briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, the different approaches, and some of the different advantages, and disadvantages.

    1. Conventional approach: The disadvantage of the so – called, conventional approach, is it pays more attention, often, to the symptoms, rather than all the possible causes, etc. It treats ailments, usually, by using a chemical – drug, to reduce and treat the ailment. It is important to recognize, illnesses, and ailments, should be divided into, chronic versus acute ones, and life – threatening, versus, more common illnesses. I strongly believe, there are many acute conditions, which are best treated with drugs, but there are also circumstances, when the side effects, and potential dangers, may make it less logical. Obviously, when the ailment is life – threatening, such as cancers, severe organ issues (such as pneumonia, liver problems, etc), they need immediate, dramatic treatment, while, at other times, it might make more sense, to use, an alternative approach.

    2. Alternative approach: Many use methods, such as Reiki, acupuncture, Ayuverdic, homeopathy, herbal remedies, vitamins and supplements, etc, as an essential part of taking care of their overall health. These often, enhance our immunity, and what we refer to, as resistance. However, one must take care, to do so, in consultation, with a qualified, open – minded, health professional, who is able to use, either approach. Don’t abandon prescribed medications, without thoroughly discussing with your doctor! Know the risks and benefits.

    3. Wellness: An intelligent, seamless, merger of both, conventional, and alternative treatments, is, often, the wisest approach. In most of the rest of the world, non – chemical approaches, are used, before conventional ones, in order to minimize over – use, and dependence, and minimize side – effects, and attempt to enhance our body’s immunity and immune system. This is the essence of a wellness program, where we proceed, and take advantage of any modalities, which might enhance and improve our overall health.

    Beware, you should do your research, and consult qualified, trained health professionals, in order to use the best combination. It’s up to you!

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    Source by Richard Brody

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Keeps Saying That He’s Going to Leave Me – Tips and Advice That May Help

    My Husband Keeps Saying That He’s Going to Leave Me – Tips and Advice That May Help

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    I recently heard from a wife who confided that every time that she and her husband disagreed or hit a rough patch in their marriage, the husband pulled out what the wife called the “leave card.” She told me: “every time things get rough, my husband says he’s going to leave. He’s packed his bags before, but he’s never actually left. Still, this hurts me and I’m getting tired of it. How can I make him see how old these threats are getting? At the same time, I’m afraid that someday soon, he’s actually going to follow through and walk out the door. I’m not sure what to do or how to handle this.”

    This type of correspondence is not all that uncommon. I hear many comments like this. And I can absolutely identify with these wives. This is a very difficult position to be in. It’s hard to move forward and to improve matters with the constant threat of him leaving hanging over your head. You can start to feel like you’re walking on eggshells or have to edit yourself or hold back in some way. So it’s very advisable to consider being proactive and addressing this before things deteriorate any more. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Asking Him To Stop Constantly Making The Threats To Leave You And The Marriage: Admittedly, I don’t personally know this couple. But, from the little bit that the wife told me, two immediate facts jumped out and seemed most important. First, despite the husband’s repeated threats, he had not left. He was still there, repeating the same old things. This tells us that he’s either not 100% committed to leaving or he’s not yet reached the breaking point or place where it’s feasible or comfortable to move on.

    The second thing that was important was that the husband kept repeating the threats. Now, the wife was very frustrated with this, but one possibility was that the husband was repeating or accelerating his words because nothing was changing or improving and this was the only way that he knew to attempt to get the response that he wanted. Sometimes, people keep repeating the same patterns out of frustration. And, sometimes, they do this because they know no other way.

    But whatever the reason for this negative cycle, I felt that the wife might gain some ground if she approached this subject with both directness and empathy. It was going to be very hard for the two of them to get on the same page when he kept on retreating. So, the next time that he started with the “I’m just going to leave you,” talk, I felt that the wife should have asked him to sit down and talk about this for a minute.

    With a break in the action, the wife might consider telling the husband that they both knew that this was a path that they had been down many times before. And yet, nothing was really changing except that they were both getting frustrated with the same old course of events that never yielded the outcome that either of them really wanted. I suggested that the wife offer to make the husband a deal. She would genuinely listen to why he felt the way that he did and make a very honest effort to address and improve things if he would stop with threats to leave her every time things got tough.

    Understanding The Opportunity That Has Presented Itself And Taking Positive Action To Stop This Cycle: I understood why the wife doubted that she was in so great of a position, but I had to admit to her that there were some advantages that she did have. On an almost daily basis, I hear from wives who were either served divorce papers or who came home to an empty house missing a husband (because he left) with seemingly no warning whatsoever. These women would’ve loved to have had a warning period and a chance to fix things before this action was taken.

    So, while the wife was tired of all this, she had to admit that she still had a chance to make things better and to save the marriage. This was an advantage as was the fact that, despite all of his empty words and posturing, the husband was still there. Clearly, he wasn’t sure that he really wanted to leave, but he was sure that he wanted change that he wasn’t getting, which is why this cycle kept repeating itself.

    Once the wife was able to see this, she was willing to approach things differently. But, before she charged forward wanting to make drastic changes, I told her that it might be a good idea to focus on reconnecting. There was a lot of underlying resentment and anger and I felt that the changes and efforts might not last if they attempted to work things out while both people were still a little lukewarm to one another.

    Do you remember when you were first together and your issues were always little spats that passed over quickly? This is because you were deeply connected and didn’t want to allow for anything to derail that process. Sure, things change and people mature. But often, you’ll find that if you can get to a place where you feel genuine affection and empathy for your spouse, working out the remaining issues becomes so much easier and you’re much less likely to continue to hear the threats that neither one of you are listening to anymore anyway.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Emotional Stress: What Is It And How To Deal With It

    Emotional Stress: What Is It And How To Deal With It

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    Dealing with stress is almost a given for virtually everyone at some point or other. After all, life is made of challenges that test us physically, mentally, and emotionally. However, when a person has to deal with that type of adversity all of the time, the constant strain from such pressure can really affect a person’s mental and physical well-being. This can be to the point where your health can be adversely affected for a short or even long term. This is known as emotional stress. The information below should help you to determine if you are facing this type of anxiety and how to overcome it.

    If you are having trouble with your sleeping habits, whether it’s sleeping more than usual or only sleeping for a few hours and having difficulty going back to sleep, you could be suffering from emotional stress. Often, the cause of this is due to either anxiety or depression, especially if there are no physical reasons for your sleeping issues.

    If you are having extreme changes in your weight over a short period of time, especially if you haven’t changed your eating or exercise routines, you might be suffering from emotional stress. Also, if you constantly think about food or constantly avoid eating, those signs could also be indicators that you are suffering from emotional tension. Depression can also cause a lack of appetite.

    The body will sometimes aid you and others in letting you know that you are suffering from over tension when you have physical ailments that you just cannot explain the cause of. If you’ve undergone a physical, and a physician can’t find anything physically wrong with you, it may be emotional stress that is causing your physical pain.

    Another sure sign that you may be over stressed is if you are always in a bad mood, always showing a short temper toward others, and always getting overly upset over little issues or events. Both your physical and mental health could be at risk, as could the physical and mental health of those around you.

    What can you do if you’re showing the above signs? First, you have to identify and directly address the stressor or stressors that are causing your emotional angst. You should also try to look at the positives of your life and determine whether the stressor(s) you’ve identified are really worth worrying about or not. You may be making those issues larger than you really need to be.

    You also need to take time out for yourself and enjoy fun activities to help relieve your mind of the pressure you are dealing with; no one can go for long periods of time under great duress without it affecting him/her. Also, let your family, friends, and physician know what you are dealing with, so that they can all help you overcome that tension and see the positives in your life.

    Emotional stress can cause a great burden on those who are dealing with it, both in terms of their mental and physical health. They can be more irritable, they have trouble with their sleep patterns, they are less sociable than usual, and they may experience severe weight fluctuations.

    By identifying and realizing what you are suffering from, you can work towards overcoming it with the proper attitude, approach, and help from your family, friends, and physician.

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    Source by Peggy Everson

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