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  • My Husband Says He’s Miserable With Me and Isn’t Sure He Wants to Be Married – Insights to Help

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    Over the weekend, I received some correspondence from a wife who had noticed her husband acting cold and distant all weekend. He seemed to be picking fights, was clearly on edge and was showing body language and postures which indicated that something was very wrong. Of course, the wife asked him what was bothering him and he proceeded to answer with phrases like “nothing,” or “it’s just a bad day.”

    The wife was not happy with these responses and continued to press. The husband proceeded to withdrawal and act defensive. Finally, after the wife continued to follow him around and nag him, he angrily blurted out “can’t you see I’m miserable with you? If it weren’t for the kids, I’m not sure if I’d even want to be married to you.” The wife later regretted her response (which was to tell the husband that being married to him was no picnic either.)

    Later when they both calmed down, she asked him if he really meant what he said. The husband took a deep breath and said “I really don’t want to hurt you, but yes, I’m just not happy. I don’t know if it’s healthy for either of us to remain married.” The wife wanted my advice as to how she should proceed or act around him as he was clearly determined to sulk and complain. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

    Determining What Responsibility A Wife Has In Her Husband’s Misery: The wife admitted that things weren’t perfect in her marriage. In fact, she had felt a distance growing in her marriage for some time. However, she would have never guessed that her husband was as miserable as he said he was. She suspected that he was projecting some disappointment and misery in other areas of his life and from his work onto their marriage.

    She may well have been right. This is actually quite a common occurrence. Much of the misery that he was feeling may not have initiated with her, but what was more important than it’s origin was the fact that he was equating his negative feelings with her and with the marriage. This may well be very unfair and even quite inaccurate. But, like it or not, this was her reality today and even she admitted that the marriage could use some improvement.

    So, while much of this may not have been her fault, there were certainly areas that she could address and improve. In a marriage that is working well, the spouse who is having issues with his job, his life, or his family will typically find solace and comfort in his spouse – rather than blaming her for the problem. The fact that he was doing just that indicated that there was a lot of room for improvement.

    So while the responsibility for the husband’s misery very likely did not lie totally with the wife, there was some opportunity to provide support and to let him know that she was there for him, willing to listen, and willing to help him in any way that she could – which is probably exactly what she would want for him to do if the roles were reversed.

    Beginning To Make Improvements In Your Marriage When You Husband Wants To Remain Alone In Being Miserable: When I explained some of these things with the wife, she was a bit resistant. She said that he was moping around so much that he might trip on his bottom lip. Granted, it can be hard to approach someone like this. But, she had pretty much been either ignoring him or trying to convince him either that he wasn’t as miserable as he thought, or that, if he was, this was his fault and not hers.

    Although this strategy is understandable, it’s not usually the most effective. The first step would be to calmly bring this out into the open and say your peace in a positive way that doesn’t continue to encourage or elicit his negative emotions. She might start by saying something like “I’m very sorry that you’re so unhappy right now. I love you and want for you to be happy. If there’s anything that I can do to help with this, I’m more than willing to do that. I can listen. I can offer support. I can make some shifts and changes if that’s what you need, but I can’t read your mind. Are you willing to talk about this so that we can come up with a plan to make this better?”

    I had no way to predict how the husband was going to react. I can tell you from previous experiences that some husbands will continue on with the negative act and say things like “it’s too late,” or “there’s nothing that you can do now.” Some men, though will begin to meet you half way even in the beginning. No matter what reaction you get, it’s very important that you respond in a positive manner. If they lash out, reply that you’re sorry to hear that and again offer your support. Eventually as you remain calm, supportive, and positive, it will become harder and harder to remain negative when you refuse to engage them.

    If they do tell you some things that might help, by all means meet them half way and do what you can to make things better. Although not all of this is your fault, it will only benefit both you and your marriage if you can lighten the tension, begin to identify and work on the issues, and to be the spouse that you would want your husband to be to you if the roles were reversed. If you can do this, it’s highly likely that all of the “ending the marriage” talk will begin to eventually lessen also.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions – Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

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    Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

    Even so-called “negative emotions,” such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

    For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

    Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously “channeling” the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called “negative” emotions as well as “positive” ones.

    For example, McLaren suggests that:

    • ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

    • SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

    • FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

    • JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

    • COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

    So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

    Let’s explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

    So, as you work with these emotions, it’s important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

    (Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

    The Positive Purpose of Sadness

    The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

    By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you’ll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don’t know how to flow with it, you’ll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you’ll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

    Here’s a practice adapted from Karla McLaren’s book, “The Language of Emotions,” that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

    1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

    3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: “What needs to be released or let go right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

    Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

    The Positive Purpose of Anger

    Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

    Here’s a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

    1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

    2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

    3. Ask your anger this question: “What needs to be protected or restored?”

    4. Then ask, “What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?”

    These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

    The Positive Purpose of Fear

    We’ve been told “Fear is what holds us back” and “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” If we can just overcome our fears, we’ll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

    Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

    Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

    This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

    To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

    1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm’s width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

    3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: “What action needs to be taken right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

    It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You’ll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

    You’ll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There’s a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

    So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

    • What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

    • Exactly what emotion is this?

    • What is the message in this feeling?

    • What is it asking me to do?

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    Source by Kevin Schoeninger

    Views: 0

  • 5 Tips for Dating Slavic Women

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    Depending on how young is the lady you fancy and where she had grown up (in a western country or somewhere in Russia, Belarus, or Ukraine), she will behave more or less like the typical Slavic woman. Girls who grew up in western countries may behave similar to western females. But if she finished school in countries of the post-USSR, then she definitely will have some specific expectations that you need to take in consideration in your approach.

    1. Dress up.

    A well dressed man is a pleasant sight for most females. But Slavic women dating rule book has a special place for an elegant man, as Russian, Ukrainian ladies love to dress up themselves. If you look sloppy, she will not feel comfortable and may decide you are not a suitable match. Wearing a jacket, nice pants, and a collared shirt with laced-up shoes will make you look more attractive for women of Slavic origin.

    2. Bring flowers.

    Most westerners think it’s too much to give a woman flowers on the first date. But if a woman is from the former USSR, she expects it as a necessary gesture of adherence to the polite courtship ritual (as opposed to a guy simply trying to pick her up). FSU dating culture still insists on a man bringing a bouquet for a lady on the first date, or she will think you do not respect her. How do you find out if the Slavic girl you have a date with expects flowers from a man? Ask her if she likes flowers. If she says, “Of course!”, then ask her what kind of flowers she likes. If she can give you an instant answer, she is definitely into the “flower dating culture” and you are safe to bring a bunch of pretty blossoms. (Sure, if she says she doesn’t like flowers, no need to do it.)

    3. Court her.

    Courting means looking after your girl on a date as if she was a dainty lady: Open doors, move chairs, offer your hand when she exits a car, hold her coat for her to slip in. Things that gentlemen used to do for their ladies in 1950s. (Ask your grandmother if you struggle to understand what it’s all about.) These little gestures are still in vogue among Slavic girls and she will be really impressed, as most westerners don’t do it. That’s a sure way to separate yourself from all the other guys trying to woo her.

    4. Make decisions.

    Every Slavic girl wants to meet a “real man”. What does she mean by that? Someone who is decisive and confident. This means, book a restaurant (you can even find a good Russian restaurant, she will approve), decide what you do before and after, ask what she is going to eat prior the waiter coming and order for her, and so on. She wants to feel that she can simply relax and rely on you. That’s what Slavic women seek in a partner.

    5. Pick the bill.

    If you offer to split expenses, this will be the last time you see your Slavic girl. In Russia and Ukraine, men still pay for dates -moreover, a Russian guy would feel insulted if a woman offered to go halves, as if she thought he wasn’t a “real man”.

    If you follow these 5 easy tips, your dates with Slavic ladies will definitely go smoother.

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    Source by Elena Petrova

    Views: 0

  • The Writer As A Marketer

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    Should aspiring or professional writers see themselves as marketers? This is a personal question that you alone should answer, not me.

    I am sure you can mention a thousand and one reason people aspire to write. It could be for pleasure, fame, money, education, inform or entertain or whatever.

    So, while one writer may not be interested in making money, but educating the readers, another may want to make all the money on earth. No general rule here.

    I have said it over and over again; a good writer is a wordsmith. It is good to read anything and everything under the sun.

    But, the journey to becoming a good writer comes with practice, practice and more practice. I have said this in my earlier articles.

    Let us look at the writer as a marketer. The business side of writing, if you wish to call it so. Just like me, I am sure you too need extra income. Please, don’t laugh, only smile.

    Yes, you sell yourself, your script, your books, your articles to the entire world as a writer.

    In this modern age, people and nations are looking out for where individuals and nations are searching for specific information, solution, ideas, values, etc.

    So, writers must strive to fill the gap, provide solutions, add values and solve problems using the writing words for their target market or audience.

    I do not know about others, But, I do know as a writer, a journalist that making money comes with real hard work.

    I have abandoned my family for the computers and the internet, researching, reading, browsing and having sleepless nights these days.

    Truth is that my wife and daughter understand. Do they? God knows they do. Ho ho ho ho oh.

    But, am I making money? Good question, but I will answer it, ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously though, writers must begin to look at the business sides of writing, if they have not already done so. I am guilty of this.

    Write, tell the entire world and sell your product over time. Yes there could instance hit where you will make millions in local or foreign currencies selling your books, script, articles, novels, whatever.

    There is no fast rule about this. For some writers, it could take hours, days, weeks, months and years to make a breakthrough.

    The social media is a credible platform for both amateur and professional writers to tell the world about their products, themselves, their passions, knowledge and skills.

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    Source by Emmanuel Udom

    Views: 0

  • Rich Brother by Tobias Wolff

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    The Rich Brothers is a story of two brothers, their sibling rivalry and their contrast in everything including worldly success and failure. While Pete is rich and Donald is poor by the end of the story we are left wondering who among the two is actually rich in the real sense of the term.

    Pete, the older among the sibling is rich and successful. He exemplifies the American middle class dream – nice family life with a wife and two daughters, a house, a sailboat, and every other thing that money can buy you – of success that his hard work in real estate business could attain for him. Donald, the younger brother is just his opposite. He lives alone and survives out of painting houses. At times, he lives in a Berkeley ashram and lives in financial debt.

    Pete comes to rescue Donald out of his difficulties and donates him money right in the beginning of this story. The two are driving in a car when Pete gifts him $100. However, there is a subtle sub-text of sibling rivalry in the background during their childhood as also when they grow up. Donald for instance, reminds Pete how as a kid he wanted to kill him, to which Pete replies, “children always do such things”.

    Pete doesn’t bother to or perhaps doesn’t like to discuss his personal life with Donald, yet Donald asks him if he ever dreams of his younger brother. Pete, in fact has a recurring dream that he is blind and needs his brother’s assistance. Perhaps, the author has metaphorically hinted at the blindness inherent in material success and in need of genuine spiritual assistance from people like Donald.

    The story moves further even as we discover more contrasting characteristics of the two brothers. In comes a character Webster that tells them a mythic tale of his own dream experience involving goldmine and greed. Donald gives away $100 gifted to him by Pete. But Pete throws him out of the car on learning what he has done.

    Meanwhile, Pete ponders what would he answer his wife when she would ask him about his brother? Perhaps, he is not worried. Material wealth has blind his conscience; his sensitivity: “And in this way, smiling, nodding to the music, he went another mile or so and pretended that he was not already slowing down, that he was not going to turn back, that he would be able to drive on like this alone, and have the right answer when his wife stood before him in the doorway of his home and asked, Where is he? Where is your brother?”(Wolff 269)

    Wolff’s story parallels the biblical story of Cain and Abel. One brother is spiritual, God-oriented, helping and reaching out to others, while the other is materialistic, has least concern with God and can even go to the extent of trying to kill or hurt his brother. The contrast in the character of the two brother compels us to ask who is the rich brother? The one that has money or the one who lacks material wealth, but is endowed with human virtues? Who really needs whom? Does Donald really need money? If he really needed money, why would he give it away to Webster without a second thought? Pete can only pretend that he doesn’t need Donald. He can only pretend that he can go alone and will answer his acts toward his brother.

    The author through contradictory characters of the two brothers has tried to dig the real meaning of wealth. A person can remain unfulfilled despite all his wealth as shown through the metaphor of dream where Pete is blind and in need for assistance. Donald is pious, happy and harbors no grudge against Pete, and therefore, is quite capable of helping Pete learn how to be a good person.

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    Source by Ajit Kumar Jha

    Views: 0

  • How to Find the Best and Real Affiliate Programs on the Internet

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    Affiliate marketplaces are a really good place to kick off your affiliate career, and find products to promote. They act as coordinators of the affiliate web between merchants and affiliate agents, as well as responsible for payment processing from the customer to the agent. There are two ways to find a product or an affiliate program, first one is by either contacting the merchant directly, browsing websites or seeing what other affiliates in your niche are promoting, second one is signing up in an affiliate marketplace. Both are kind of unsettling decisions to make, specially questions of trust.

    The fears surrounding affiliate programs you have as a new affiliate in the big wide affiliate world are really rational fears, specially considering all the bad experiences newbies have. It is a necessary thing to do know certain basics on the market and how it runs before you embark out of sheer excitement on marketing activities. We are, in the article, attempting to answer a fundamental question of what are the things you must be aware of before joining or signing up for an affiliate business.

    These are three things to look for in an affiliate program: (We are using Clickbank as an example, an affiliate marketplace that is considered by most affiliates to be the best and most reliable).

    1-Commission: Low commission is not worthy of your time and effort, even as a beginner affiliate, this depends on the price and quality of the products you are promoting. To know whether the commission is low or high, let’s take commission in Click bank as an example, the minimum commission is 60%, knowing that most products’ prices range between $30-$70, it means a minimum of $18 per sale guaranteed in the platform. There are few exceptions of course when the prices are higher than $70, which is only positive.

    2-High Gravity Rating: This basically means that the product in question is selling well, so you as well will get a good sum of money out of selling it. The gravity rate is determined and based on sales made by other affiliates. Never take on an affiliate program with low gravity, unless you check the sells page in case of new products.

    3- Reputation of Product and Marketplace: This is a crucial thing, a profound research is needed before you sign up for anything. It can make your experience so traumatizing or put you off affiliate marketing for a while to sell untested and unreliable or harmful products, moreover, if the platform where you work will not pay you at the end of the day.

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    Source by Raymond R Johnsen

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Wanted The Separation, But Now He’s Constantly Trying To Keep Tabs On Me

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s conflicting behavior during a martial separation. Often, he is the one who initiated the separation and it seems as if he almost can’t wait to leave. But as soon as the couple are living apart, suddenly the husband wants to keep tabs on the wife or seems particularly interested in her day to day activities.

    I heard from a wife who said: “my husband has been wanting to separate for a while. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but after listening to him insist upon it for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go and live with my sister for a little while. Since he was so anxious to get rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, although I knew that I would miss him terribly. I’ve been gone only two days, but now he is constantly calling me and wanting to know what I’m doing. I will answer the phone and the first thing he says to me is ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory way. The truth is, I’m not doing anything and I tell him so. Why does he even ask? He couldn’t get rid of me quickly enough and now it’s like he wants to keep checking on me. What is going on?” I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.

    He May Just Be Missing You: Men often envision having all kinds of peace and quiet so that they can think. But, sometimes this just isn’t the reality. Sometimes all that silence brings about is loneliness. And then he can start to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. And he looks around and notices that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, it might make things easier if he would just tell you all of this, but many men will not. Instead, they’ll call you and do annoying things like asking what, or how, you are doing.

    He Might Be Feeling Insecure: It’s very common for separated spouses to admit that they at least partly suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse might be acting on this suspicion or just looking for reassurance, which leads me to my next point.

    He’s Trying To Determine Your Frame Of Mind: It’s common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have a strong suspicions that you are going to be resentful and angry. Therefore, he might want to keep in close touch to gauge your feelings. He may want to see if your resentment is going to drive you away. And he may be feeling some remorse for his actions.

    Taking Some Positive Implications From These Annoying Questions: I know that this is probably very frustrating. But there is some positive indications here. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking about you at all and was living it up and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, this was hopefully good news to her.

    How To Respond When He Keeps Calling And Asking What You’re Doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And ultimately, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know that it’s tempting to say something like ‘well what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here staring at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home for your silly separation,’ but this is a bad idea. Because you don’t want to discourage him from reaching out to you. Instead, you want to make him want to check in and initiate contact with you. So, as difficult as it may be, try to sound as upbeat as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is the wrong call too, because it brings about pain and makes him want to avoid you. With that said, you don’t want to make it sound as if you are sitting by the phone waiting for his call. You want for him to know that you have too much self respect for that.

    An appropriate response might be something like: “not much. I’m just spending some time with my sister. We’ll probably go out and grab some dinner in a little while. What are you doing?”

    Notice I was light hearted and I turned the question back to him. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. By asking what he was doing, you’re leaving it open ended for him to share his feelings. He might say that he’s not doing anything because he’s lonely. Or he might say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is to not engage with him and don’t ask him why he keeps calling you with his silly questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means he is interested and that he is reaching out. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives at all, let alone care about their experiences or feelings.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Top Network Marketing Company – Why Are the Products So Expensive?

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    I’m sure you’ve heard this question before, Why are top network marketing company’s products so expensive?

    This is one of those ever-present questions that networkers and direct sales people will continue to encounter (probably) forever–and there’s always more to it than meets a simple answer.

    One key is not to side-step it. There are good and genuine reasons for legitimate, premium-priced products–and of course there are over-priced ones as well. Honesty is best, as always, and I’ll endeavor to give you the general truth with my answer to the question.

    Special Products at Special Prices

    First, the products available through top network marketing companies sales and distribution model are mostly what are called “specialty” items. They are higher priced products to begin with, having more costly ingredients and more complex designs or formulas; they are simply more expensive to make and package. Some well-known non-network marketed examples are Clinique makeup and fragrance products, Apple computers, iPods and iPhones, Armani clothing, Mercedes and Lexus automobiles.

    Unless you’re dealing with a scheme or a scam, these premium products outperform their cheaper, off-the-shelf counterparts, giving consumers more and better benefits. Since they have greater value, they cost more.

    If these products are being outsourced by the networking company (produced by a “third-party” vendor/supplier), they tend to be manufactured in smaller production runs that do not allow for all the optimal low-cost advantages of buying and making in the high volumes mass-marketers enjoy. The manufacturing processes are more complex and exclusive. The profit margins are higher. This results in a higher quality product with more attention to detail and quality control.

    The reason manufacturers and marketing companies select network marketing and direct sales is because these higher-priced products are of higher quality, and they therefore require special methods of distribution and sales.

    Simply put, they cannot compete with the lower-priced, lower quality “commodity” products, which are sold based mainly on discounted mass-market pricing and brand awareness alone. Think Wal-Mart and Costco.

    Specialty products are “education-intensive.” They need greater explanation; for example, what formula, ingredients and/or processes makes the product more expensive than those mass-market goods available through direct response marketing (such as the Internet and mail-order) or retail chain store sales. Many require demonstration.

    Mass-market products depend on advertising, promotion and merchandising at “point-of-purchase,” all of which are required to get consumers’ attention, let them know the product exists (to create “trial” especially if it’s “brand” new), and to give them enough compelling reasons to purchase and keep on purchasing.

    Going head-to-head with nationally advertised products, many to most of which are heavily discounted and sold at the lowest price possible, is a tough game for just about all smaller businesses to win. Imagine trying to sell vitamins or nutritional beverages or “prestige” cosmetics against a major manufacturer selling through Wal-Mart, or a natural toothpaste against a tube of Crest® through Kroger or Publix supermarkets.

    Specialty products are perfect for the person-to-person, information-rich education, demonstration and service oriented methods of network marketing.

    And that’s where the important second aspect of network marketing’s “higher price” comes in: the added value which you as a “distributor” add to the specialty products you sell.

    Added Value Added

    Network marketing and direct sales representatives add significant value to the product they sell and they are well paid when they do so successfully.

    We reach consumers with the awareness of new products and services that ads and merchandising–no matter how persuasive or promiscuous–would not be able to reach out and touch. And by virtue of our one-on-one, personal relationship with these buyers, we appeal to them with a level of trust and service no mass-market, retail product advertiser could hope to compete with.

    The extraordinary level of service Network Marketers provide is not available when buying through mail order or retail outlets. It is a real and tangible benefit, part of the product’s value–and its price.

    For example: Someone tries a network marketing anti-aging health product. It’s personally presented for them–either in person or via mail–with a host of educational material about the product: scientific studies, article reprints, even books or tapes explaining how the product was made, how to use it, its unique features and its benefits.

    Within one to two days, the network marketer again contacts the person to follow up, asking how they are doing, checking to see that their customer is following use directions properly, make recommendations, etceteras. These service calls continue daily, bi-weekly or weekly until the customer is satisfied and happy.

    The network marketer will also continue to send informative and educational material such as updates from scientific literature. He or she will also let the customer know about other products the company offers that this particular customer with his or her unique needs and wants might also enjoy.

    This is an extraordinary level of service that is a real and tangible benefit for the consumer. This kind of personal and knowledgeable attention is not available when buying through the Internet alone, or mail-order or most all retail outlets. It is one of the things network marketers are paid for and it is part of the product’s value–and its price.

    Are there cases where the above education and service are not offered? Of course.

    Are there products that do not have special ingredients or qualities that support a higher price? Sure.

    And are there times when a network marketed product is simply more expensive to pay for the multiple-level commission structure? Yes.

    Back in the early 1950s, a dog grooming service was opened in New York City to serve people living in the exclusive Park Avenue, 70th and 80th Streets area. They charged $25 to shampoo and clip a dog. They had no customers. Then they jacked-up their prices to $250 per visit–and were an instant success. The Cadillac Seville, when first introduced in test-market showrooms priced at under $10,000, bombed; at $14,000 the very same automobile became an instant best-seller.

    Value is a perception. The relationship between quality, benefit and price, i.e., value, is in the mind of the consumer-beholder. Businesses price goods and services according to what the market will bear. Successful marketers come up with just the right mix of value-benefit-price.

    The majority of network marketing direct sales products are of the genuine higher-quality variety, not available in stores, special in ingredients, design and making.

    Most offer the convenience of in-home or on-line ordering and to-the-door delivery. They are also special in terms of…

    Marketing and Customer Service

    The network marketing “sales person” adds value to the product through his or her education, service and sales to the customer.

    All of this has its price. And according to consumer trends and the explosive growth of network marketing direct sales companies and their products worldwide, more and more people every day think it’s worth it.

    What’s the truth about the price of products offered through network marketing? Are they too high? And if so, why?

    The full answer to this one is complicated. If you need a short one, mine is:

    High? Usually, yes.

    Too high? Sometimes… yes, but generally no.

    So, if they are high, why? Let’s start with looking at what kind of products we’re really talking about here.

    The Truth is, Specialty Products Cost More

    Network marketing is predominantly a “specialty products” business: The products we sell most often tend not to be the type you’d find in supermarkets, drug stores or any other mass merchandiser. They are not the kind that combines the lowest possible price for the least acceptable level of quality. For a conventional retail parallel, look at the products in a natural or health food store, beauty salon, boutique or upscale department store.

    Specialty products cost more to make. The ingredients are unique and high quality and production is low quantity–the amounts manufactured usually are not great enough to take advantage of the economies of scale enjoyed by big-time, high-volume, mass-market producers. So these products more expensive–both to make and to buy.

    Also, specialty product makers usually cannot depend on major advertising to increase sales: they don’t have that kind of money. So they have to use more expensive forms of distribution, such as small, individual retail outlets whose profit margins are higher than mass-market stores and chains.

    Profit Margins and Markups

    Here’s an example: a discount chain drug store might be able to markup a bottle of vitamins that normally sells for $3.00 wholesale for less than the normal 33 percent retail profit margin. And, because they buy in large volumes, they’ll get the product for less than $3.00 to begin with.

    A natural or health food store might buy that same product at the full $3.00 wholesale price, and use a markup of 50 percent to get their full 33.3 percent retail profit margin.

    To the consumer, buying at retail, here’s the difference: $3.99 at the drug store and $4.50 at the health food store.

    And then there’s “what the traffic will bear.”

    There are sexy boxes of imported chocolate that go for $38.00 each, and poly-bags of 50 mini Reeses Peanut Butter Cups you can get for less than $3.80. If your taste tends towards expensive, you’ll generally pay more–in “margin” percentages to middle-people and in total dollars.

    Let’s look at a comparison of one single product offered through the conventional manufacturer-to-retailer distribution system and the exact same product sold through network marketing.

    $$$ From Conventional Manufacturer to Consumer

    We know specialty products cost more to make; again, the ingredients are unique and high quality, and the production is low quantity, so they are simply more expensive.

    Manufacturers speak of “Cost of Goods” (CoG): that’s the figure that a product costs the company to make, including overhead, ingredients, packaging and labeling, sales commissions (such as broker’s fees), etc.

    The very minimum a manufacturer needs to sell that product for is double, or a 50 percent margin. Considering that most competitive businesses operate on a six percent pre-tax profit, that leaves them 44 percent to pay for everything else. So, the $2.00 CoG product they make, they sell for $4.00.

    Now, some manufacturers sell direct to retailers–not many, but a few do, and when they do, they’ll take a higher profit margin to pay for the Cost of Sales (CoS).

    However, most manufacturing companies deal through distributors, who charge for warehousing, shipping and selling the products to retail stores. Normal wholesale is a 25 percent markup, which you get by multiplying the purchase price–plus freight if not included–by 1.33. So, our $4.00 item would be sold by a wholesale-distributor to the retailer for $5.32. (Again, plus or not freight costs which can run 10 to 15 percent additional.)

    To achieve a 33.3 percent profit margin, the retailer has a 50 percent mark-up–or higher. Our $5.32 product ends up on the shelf at $7.98.

    Now, this is the minimum scenario–not what normally happens except in the more strongly competitive markets. It’s not the least bit unusual to find the manufacturer selling that $2.00 CoG product for $5.00 or $6.00… the distributor working on 35 percent instead of 25 percent… and a retailer – especially from a specialty market segment–look for a 50 percent profit (i.e., a 100 percent markup), instead of “only” one third.

    And if all of that were true, the retail price of the product through that sales and distribution system would be more like $14.95.

    $$$ In Network Marketing Direct Sales

    Let’s work this one backwards (because that’s how most of the numbers are figured for your commissions).

    If the networking company’s product sells to consumers for $15.00 it will have an average retail commission to the networker of from 20 percent to 40 percent. So, using a 30 percent retail commission, the company’s “wholesale” price to the mlm distributor will be about $10.50.

    Let’s say that your company pays out a full 50 percent in “downline” or organizational commissions. That means that the company’s lowest from-the-warehouse price for the product would be half of wholesale, or $5.25.

    That’s right in the ballpark for specialty manufacturing, distribution and sales.

    It’s a Question of Value

    There is also a greater value, beyond the “specialty products” issues of ingredient quality, cost of manufacture and so forth and that’s the education, information and service delivered by the person-to-person distribution network.

    Learning the product’s proper use, additional uses, history, all about the ingredients, etceteras, is all part of its value. And products offered through word-of-mouth network marketing have more of this “added value” than any others.

    This last point begs the question:

    “Are products purchased through network marketing higher priced to make up for the compensation or commission payments to distributors and their networks?”

    Can they be? Yes.

    Are they… usually? No and Yes.

    In an authentic, intelligent, sincere and sensible network marketing direct sales company, one that’s well-managed and directed… a company that understands that the financial health and well-being of the men and women in the field MUST lead their mission, decisions, strategy, policies and procedures… no.

    But that new ostentatious corporate headquarters in the prestige location… corporate jet… an army of “distributor service” personnel… rock concert “conventions”… $50,000 “big name” keynote speakers… resort vacations and incentive cruses to exotic locations paid for by the company… luxury car allowances… are all expenses that need to be paid for. Where does that money come from?

    Directly (in terms of potential commissions that will not be paid out to people) or indirectly (in over-priced products and/or inflated charges for marketing materials, self-replicating websites, business building tools and trainings), the money comes from only one place… the men and women in the field.

    “So… do network marketed products cost more?” Sometimes yes and other times no.

    Can they be more expensive than similar items of equal value offered in a conventional market such as a retail store? Yes, they can.

    In fact, you can find numerous examples of both conventionally retailed products and networking products of similar sizes, shapes and qualities at prices that vary by as much as 30 to 40 percent or more.

    The only sure rule in product pricing the world over is, “What the traffic will bear…” No matter what distribution and sales route the product travels. It’s not so much a game of “Let the Buyer Beware,” as it is and always will be…

    “Let the Buyer Be Aware.”

    Factor in the at-home shopping convenience… the customer service… the satisfaction guarantee… personal attention… education and information–and in today’s increasingly competitive global marketplace, the “aggressive pricing” posture being taken by more and more networking companies around the world–along with the generally superior quality of the products available through network marketing and direct sales…

    … and I believe a growing number quality-conscious consumers will agree with me, top network marketing company’s products represent outstanding value.

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    Source by John Milton Fogg

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  • How Long Do You Grill Pork Loin Per Pound?

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    Introduction

    Whether you are grilling outside on the grill or in the broiler oven, there’s nothing quite as tasty as a grilled pork loin. But if you are inexperienced with cooking this particular cut of pork you may have some questions: How long do you grill pork loin per pound? What grilling techniques should I know about? With what shall I flavor the pork? We will address each of these questions and provide you with insightful tips that will help you make the perfect pork loin dinner for your family.

    Cooking Time — The Short Answer

    The complete answer to the cooking time is a little more involved than simply telling you an amount of time per pound and a temperature to cook this cut of pork and expect it to be done perfectly when the time is up. However, if you were to be given a fairly accurate short answer concerning the cooking time of a pork loin, it would be this: About 22 minutes per pound at about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

    Please understand that there is more to cooking a pork loin than simply pre-heating a grill or an oven to a certain temperature, set the timer, and expect excellent results. Please allow an explanation that will give a little more information before you run off and set the meat on the grill.

    The Complete Grilling Procedure

    The first thing to do, whether you are cooking on the outdoor grill or in the broiler oven, is to sear each side of the pork loin with high heat. Searing it will help keep in the moisture so you end up with a very tender and juicy cut of pork. Cook the pork loin on direct high heat for about two (2) or three (3) minutes on each side of the pork loin. Sear the lean side first, then the fat side. When turning any meat, do not use a fork as it will puncture the seared surfaces of the meat and allow moisture to escape easily. To preserve the moisture always use a pair of tongs to turn meat.

    — On the Grill:

    I am among many Americans who love the taste of foods cooked on the outdoor grill. And what better meat to cook on the grill than a pork loin? Most people don’t think of cooking a “pork roast” on the grill, and technically a pork loin is a pork roast. But because of its narrow thickness, it is the ideal “pork roast” to cook on the grill.

    When grilling, there are common processes to follow regardless of which kind of grill you have.

    1. Pre-heat the grill for searing.

    2. When grilling on an outdoor grill, turn the meat often to simulate a rotisserie. A pork loin should be turned every few minutes to cook evenly and retain its moisture.

    3. In order to preserve the moisture, always use tongs instead of a fork to turn meat.

    4. Searing meat requires that it is exposed to direct high heat for two (2) or three (3) minutes on each side.

    5. Pieces of meat, such as a pork loin, that are larger than chops or steaks should be cooked on low, indirect heat at around 350 degrees Fahrenheit. If your grill has vents in the lid, cook the pork with the vents open.

    6. A meat thermometer should be used to ensure that the pork loin is between 160-170 degrees Fahrenheit on each end and in the middle. For pork 160 degrees Fahrenheit is medium well and 170 degrees Fahrenheit is well done. Below 160 degrees Fahrenheit you risk food poisoning or worm infection. It is best to check the temperature about 10-15 minutes prior to the completion time so you can make adjustments to the cooking time.

    Once the pork has been seared on each side, follow these instructions for various types of grills…

    • Charcoal Grill: Separate the charcoal into two (2) piles on either side of the grill to allow the pork loin to be laid between them.

    • Gas Grill – Two Elements: Lay a piece of aluminum foil across the middle between the two elements and lay the pork loin on the aluminum foil. Cook on low heat.

    • Gas Grill – Three or More Elements: Turn off the inner elements and allow only the outer two elements to cook on low heat. Lay the pork loin half way between the operating elements.

    — In the Broiler Oven:

    In the cold weather of winter you may not want to do any outdoor grilling. When using a broiler oven you should follow similar procedures as grilling on an outdoor grill. Always use tongs instead of a fork to turn meat. And a meat thermometer should be used to be sure that the pork loin is between 160-170 degrees Fahrenheit on each end and in the middle. For pork 160 degrees Fahrenheit is medium well and 170 degrees Fahrenheit is well done. Below 160 degrees Fahrenheit you risk food poisoning or worm infection. It is best to check the temperature about 10-15 minutes prior to the completion time so you can make adjustments to the cooking time.

    1. Pre-heat the broiler and broiling pan for 15 minutes. If your broiler has multiple heat setting, then set to high broil.

    2. Set the pork loin on the broiling pan fat side up to sear for three (3) minutes.

    3. Turn the pork to fat side down to sear for another three (3) minutes.

    4. Turn off the broiler and turn on the oven. Bake in the oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit on the broiling pan, fat side down, for the remainder of the time.

    5. Make sure to check the inner temperature with the meat thermometer at both ends and in the middle about 15 minutes prior to completion of cooking time in order to avoid over cooking.

    — Rotisserie Oven:

    Interestingly enough the pork loin will come out more tender and juicy when cooked in a rotisserie than either the outdoor grill or broiler oven. A meat thermometer should still be used to be sure that the pork loin is between 160-170 degrees Fahrenheit on each end and in the middle. For pork 160 degrees Fahrenheit is medium well and 170 degrees Fahrenheit is well done. Below 160 degrees Fahrenheit you risk food poisoning or worm infection. It is best to check the temperature about 10-15 minutes prior to the completion time so you can make adjustments to the cooking time.

    Because the rotisserie cooks meat faster than either the outdoor grill or the broiler oven, you may need to reduce the cooking time to about 18 or 20 minutes per pound. It is still recommended to use a meat thermometer. However, because the rotisserie automatically sears all sides of the meat there is no need to sear the pork.

    Let It Stand

    For juicier, tenderer pork loin, when the pork loin has finished cooking let it stand at room temperature for 10-15 minutes before serving.

    Flavor/Seasoning

    A pork loin can be marinated in your favorite flavor marinade in the refrigerator overnight. You will likely find marinades at any supermarket. If you marinate in the refrigerator overnight, you’ll need to puncture the meat several times to allow the marinade to soak into the meat. Follow the instructions on the package of marinade.

    Many cooks prefer to use a dry seasoning rub. Seasoning your pork loin is as easy as liberally coating with season salt, garlic powder, and pepper, then rubbing the seasoning into the meat. You can also place the seasoned meat into a plastic bag and leave it in the refrigerator overnight.

    There are also injection methods of marinating that would NOT require overnight marinating. In addition to injection marinating, there are also methods of injecting solid objects such as chopped garlic, chopped onions, or chopped pineapple.

    If you prefer sweeter pork, apple sauce or apple butter (or even pineapple puree) can be injected into the meat of the pork loin. Or a slit can be made down the middle of the pork meat and the apple sauce or apple butter (or pineapple) can be inserted and the pork tied with string every one (1) or two (2) inches according to how you will cut the pork loin when it is done cooking.

    Summery

    In this article we have discussed the answers to questions such as: How long do you grill pork loin per pound? What grilling techniques should I know about? How shall I flavor the meat? If grilled properly a pork loin with all the trimmings will make a wonderful and delicious meal that your family will absolutely love.

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    Source by Michael T. Conway

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