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  • Why Men Won’t Marry And Go Their Own Way

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    I am fascinated by the number of women who complain that there are not any good men out there for marriage and the number of men who go their own way (MGTOW).

    As I was doing research for one of my books, I learned something absolutely astonishing. I learned that both men and woman are more educated in the area of preparation for an occupation that we are to successfully choose and marry a mate for the next forty years. Why is this important? Many people who get into relationships and get married haven’t an accurate idea what they are getting themselves into. They are not educationally equipped with the tools that they need to have a healthy relationship. Even worse, due to the emasculation of men and manhood displayed in media, the court system, films, Human Resource policies, etc., there is no benefit to men for being men.

    More now than ever, schools and colleges are feminine-centric. The Judeo-Christian model of marriage where the roles of traditional marriage are not equal is frowned upon by the feminist movement. That said, how can a man see marriage in today’s society as a benefit? Most times he is not fully appreciated for all that he does. He is expected to work his whole life for his family and suddenly his wife decides to leave, causing him to lose all that he has invested in and worked for?

    Women are taught that they need to have high standards for the man they are supposed to marry. However, are they emotionally ready for marriage? It is clear that both men and women are not likely to have read a good relationship or communication book to prepare themselves for a healthy relationship. Men often complain how women can sometimes be “drama queens,” are selfish and want to be the center of attention. Some men also report that women are not steeped in bringing much to the table beside the sexual relationship which women tend to use to manipulate men. Men like companionship and women who like to share their time doing the things men like to do. Men love to be respected. They like women they can trust, are considerate but often say that they find these things lacking.

    Men who go their own way do not have to bear the risk of being decimated, financially, emotionally and physically. They can live a more peaceful, drama free life. They often will date, but will not marry again. Men want a relationship, but many men and women are unprepared. So how can this dynamic be improved?

    I believe that educating ourselves as to what a healthy relationship is supposed to be is critically important. Statistics reveal that the total percentage of college graduates that will not read another book after graduating college is 42%. For High School graduates it is 33%.

    Education is essential concerning relationships. Imagine what a difference it would make if 1/3 of our formal education included relationship skills? I submit that the result would be couples better prepared for relationships. That said, reading and practicing what is learned, would improve not only the quality but the longevity of a relationship. Realizing that “being” the right person who is prepared for a relationship versus “finding” the right person could change the dynamic of the lack of available marriage eligible men and women.

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    Source by Johnn Williams Jr.

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  • The Husband and Wife Relationship – Understand the Dynamics

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    The relationship between a husband and wife are usually complex, and many married couples do not understand the dynamics of the relationship they are in this is the cause of many failing relationships. For a really strong marriage they both need to understand how the dynamics of a husband and wife relationship works. The key to the question of dynamics is to appreciate just how men and woman are poles apart not only physically but more importantly emotionally and mentally.

    These differences are best illustrated when you consider the way a husband and wife relationship approaches the matter of problem solving, which shows how they approach problems in completely different ways

    The wife will typically talk about the problem with friends and family alike, explore different angles for a solution then combine that research with input from her group of family and friends. This may take some time because women in general like to discuss various solutions and how they feel and relate to the problem, before deciding on any one answer.

    The husband on the other hand is more likely tom be a solitary thinker and by virtue of that will be unlikely to discuss the problem with anyone till he has decided on the solution to the problem.

    In the husband and wife relationship, problems can be caused by their opposite approach to problem solving, the husband could think that she is taking the problem lightly by talking too much to her friends and family when in his opinion she should be thinking rather than talking about the solution. Conversely the wife may be concerned that he is not addressing their problems because he is not talking about it, when in reality the reason he is not talking about it is that it is constantly on his mind but he has not yet come up with an answer to discuss.

    Some of the time a wife can talk about a problem she may have, simply to vent her feelings about a certain matter, to lessen the tension they feel rather than to get an opinion on how to solve the issue. In that way she express her thoughts in front of her friends who in the main will empathize with her while not necessarily offering their opinion as to the solution. Men on the other hand rarely talks about a problem unless he wants advice or help to reach a solution to the problem

    The danger is in this situation is that a husband might give his wife his considered opinion as to the solution to a problem, thinking that he is solving things in the way he thinks he is expected to, while his wife is thinking that he does want to listen to the problem and just giving an answer to put an end to the matter.

    Though not totally accurate the above example illustrates how the usual differences between men’s and women’s approach to problem solving work out. Understanding they way in which the different genders react can help to stop arguments about the way things are done, consider your partners needs before you act.

    The Husband and wife relationship understand the dynamics and you will builder a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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    Source by Tom Janic

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  • Wrong Reasons For Getting Married – (1) Marrying Out of Sympathy

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    There are right and wrong reasons for getting married. The worst thing a person can do to oneself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are quite a number of wrong reasons why people marry. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps among the most prominent of the wrong reasons is marrying out of sympathy.

    There are many scenarios under this subheading of marrying out of sympathy that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the woman gets pregnant as a result of premarital sex and getting married to a person just because one’s brother or sister jilted that person. Between these two extremes, are those who start relationships with girls who are being maltreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with the neighborhood maids or relations of their neighbors who are being maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

    When sympathy forms the basis for a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a keg of gunpowder over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees as the Good Samaritan’s job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. He does not stop to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into his own desires. If it is the woman that is sympathizing, she goes through the same emotions and also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he would remain loyal to her forever.

    Findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “flee”. Fleeing here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, though that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape the environment. In many instances, the sympathizer-lovers begin to act as saviors and lordships. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and later verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.

    Marriage relationship requires that both parties are open to each other. Open – meaning that there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner would not be allowed into. Once these secret feelings are there, it produces reactive communication instead of responsive communication.

    These sympathy missions when it emanates from the premarital sex pregnancy, the woman does not fully get happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear in the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she only thinks she is in a mess occasioned by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual marriage and child rearing challenges as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves for getting pregnant. And some of the time, they blame the man for putting them in the family way. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to have grown from such situations creating lasting bitterness.

    For the men, having not evaluated the character, demeanor, temperament of their spouse before marriage because of the overpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her real character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.

    It is necessary that we have it ingrained in the tablet of our hearts that the only reasons good enough for marrying anybody are the foundational elements for joyful relationship. If while in a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of marriage is not clear to both of you, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours.

    Interestingly, many marriages out there are based on sympathy.

    Young single adults (18-30 years of age) and single adults (31 years and above) should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody from suffering. Instead of cornering yourselves to this quagmire, why not follow the appropriate dating, courtship and engagement practices where no sexual intimacy is included. There is need to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally and lawfully wedded marriage contract. You need to remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainly for procreation and to cement companionship.

    The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse is purposed to invite people to take the responsibility that comes with it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside legal and lawful matrimony is a transgression of the law. And law breakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no external police to arrest you and no external court to try you and no external prison to sentence you. But there are internal version of the police, the court and the prison and a large farmland where your hard labor would be performed if you commit this offense.

    What is the way to go?

    Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and procreation. Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and purposes clearly spelled out, though. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. These are the foundational elements that must be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. Both parties ought to know and understand this fully. This knowledge and understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears it. Marrying for any other reason is like standing the building on its roof.

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    Source by Francis Nmeribe

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me – The Hidden Truth to Why She Does This and How to Fix It Fast!

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    Are you stuck in a marriage where you’re helplessly saying my wife always criticizes me? It’s troublesome, to be honest downright annoying.

    But the truth is that you created the environment for this to happen, and now you have to create the environment where it WON’T happen. But you’ve got to do it right or things can just get worse…and fast!

    What To Do When You’re in a Marriage Where You’re Saying My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me

    There’re really only a few good reasons why you’d be saying my wife constantly criticizes me. The great part is that nearly all of them lead to one major problem, which means that there’s really one major fix. It’s getting this fix right that can be the sticking point.

    So what are some of the reasons that your wife is constantly criticizing you? Let’s go through them now…

    Reasons Your Wife is Criticizing You…

    Resentment – Many times criticism stems from resentment. It’s basically a passive aggressive way of her telling you that she resents you. Jus think about when you resent someone, how every little thing can bother you about that person.

    And when resentment rears its ugly head the weapon of choice is usually criticism.

    Lack of Respect – Now this one can be a bit tricky and here’s why. Your wife may not have respect you for different reasons. But it’s very likely that the reasons that she’s put forward aren’t really the true reasons at all.

    Most of the time when a woman doesn’t respect you, she’ll try to tell you that it’s because you’re not doing enough of the stuff like buying flowers, and being sweet and lovable. But usually she doesn’t even realize that this is NONSENSE, and basically completely opposite of the real reason.

    The real reason that a woman usually loses respect for her husband (barring that there’s no abuse in the relationship) is that you’ve lost your MAN status in the home. In other words you’re no longer the captain of the ship that she NEEDS in order to have that respect for you.

    Your wife, by the very nature of her DNA…going way back from her ancestors in the caves MUST have you being the alpha male in the home, or she cannot respect you and therefore…

    She’s Not Attracted to You – In a nutshell, it all comes down to attraction. It may sound hard to believe, especially when the problem started out as “my wife constantly criticizes me” that it would come down ultimately to attraction, but it does.

    If your wife resents you it’s because you’ve lost your manhood status. You’re no longer the alpha male that she needs in her life. If your wife has no respect for you, it’s for the same reason. How can she have respect for you if you’re not evoking the very qualities that she needs in a man? If you’re not being the man that she needs to have, then she’s basically by nature got every right not to respect you any longer.

    If she resents you and has no respect for you, then she cannot be attracted to you. And the fact is that a wife that is attracted to you will move mountains to be with you. A wife who is ultimately down to her core attracted to you, will worship the ground you walk on. You’ve seen this with your own eyes, every time you’ve seen a woman who was with a jerk, or an ugly guy.

    The fact is that she respected and was completely attracted to that guy, because HE was a MAN who exuded ALPHA MALE status. Become that guy and you’ll no longer be saying my wife constantly criticizes me!

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    Source by Jason T. Nelson

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  • Animal Spirit Guide – Panther Medicine – Astral Magic

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    Spirit of the dark moon,

    traveller of the astral world.

    Master magician,

    a seer of the nights secrets.

    Metaphysical Meaning

    Astral Travel, Spiritual, Secretive, Silent, Elegant, Valor, Connected to the Moon, Solitary, Feminine, Ancient Mysticism, The Crone ( Old wise woman ), Guardian Energy, Power and Strength, God of darkness, Courage, Old Soul, Reclamation of power, Superior telepathic communication, Loners, Visionary, Shape shifter, Sensuality, Distant Healing, No Fear, Alchemy, The Goddess, Self empowerment, Symbol of the shaman.

    Spiritual Symbolism

    Panther augers a time of awakening and uplifting the inner passions which drive our own personal life force. Panther medicine amplifies all the senses and redirects our psychic spiritual energy, to create a highly focused manifestation, seen by others as personal power and magic. Panther spirit symbolizes settling into your own self, being comfortable with yourself bringing forth great personal power. Panther allows us to recognize our own personal sense of purpose in life, and develop a strong spiritual understanding of why you are here.

    A Black Panther maybe smaller than lions and tigers but are the mightier aggressors with superior talent. Panther asks us to look deep into our dark feminine side, our fears, secrets and subconscious. If we learn to become comfortable with our dark side, it will bring healing light to the hidden sides of ourselves. The path of the hero is undertaken by the panther spirit.

    Totem Animal / Spirit Guide

    Panther spirit people encourage others positively through their own zest for life and quest for realizing ones dreams and desires. Panther reminds us to release our fears acknowledge our own power and accept our dark shadow selves. Panther helps in honoring ones own feelings. Panther spirit people have contained in them, the knowledge of the cosmos and other worlds, communicating with beings on an astral level.

    Out of body experiences accompany panther as your spirit guide, her medicine is extremely powerful, magically transferring this to you, allowing a state in which astral travel is not only achievable, but controllable too. Panther spirit people have a healing element behind the look in their eyes, giving way to telepathic healing. On the other hand a panthers stare is transfixing, slightly hypnotic and will instill the fear of death inside of the one looking back at her. Panther spirit people are often prophets and healers with universal insight.

    Mythology from around the world

    Native American Indians the Tucano of the amazon, thought the roar of the panther was the roar of thunder. Symbolizing black panther as the god of darkness causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. In Egyptian mythology the panther is connected with the Crone of the crossroads, Hecate. In China Panthers were embroidered on the robes of Generals in the belief that the Panther’s valor and ferocity would be passed on to the wearer.

    Within the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the king Pepi must pass through the ceiling of heaven wearing his panther skin. Draping the skin across his shoulders symbolized he had eliminated his desires for the earthly realm and its materialistic energy.

    How do you know if Panther is needed in your life or is your spirit guide?

    If you feel as though you need to protect someone in your life at the moment, panther spirit is lurking, offering her assistance. Having Panther come to you in your dreams is a strong message that she wishes you to observe her medicine. Nightmares or frightening dreams of panther is not negative it simply means you are not accepting nor seeing clearly your true self. Being passionate about panthers is a sign you have a connection with her. Being given unknowingly a picture or ornament of panther is a sign of her presence and a spiritual message to study her magic.

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    Source by Ian G Scott

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  • Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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    Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

    Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

    Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

    Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

    Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

    Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

    Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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    Source by James Allen Hanrahan

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  • My Wife Talks to Other Men – The Ugly Truth to WHY She Does This and What You Must Do to Fix It!

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    Are you unfortunate to be in a world where you’re saying my wife talks to other men, and don’t know what to do about it?

    That’s a terrible thing to witness and watch happen. I know it rips your heart out, and you want to end it fast.

    The truth is that YOU probably caused this, and that you can’t fix it by force, but only by changing some things about yourself.

    A Careful Understanding of Why You’re Stuck Wondering Why My Wife Talks to Other Men

    Here’s the deal with this problem of your wife talking to other men. We want to nip in the butt as soon as possible. But you unfortunately can’t go with your initial gut reaction of trying to stop it by force.

    But first let’s understand a couple of things about why this is happening.

    First off, if your wife talks to other men, then it’s likely that there’s something that she’s looking for that she’s not getting from you. Now that hurts to hear, but don’t worry because there’s a solution to the problem. It’ll take some work on your part but it’s only a few things that you’ll have to change.

    Second, your wife MAY be, if she’s doing this out in the open, trying to elicit a response from you. If that’s the case, then you’re still in trouble potentially but there’s a little more hope. Either way, we can fix this problem.

    What Your Wife is Missing and Why You’re Saying My Wife Talks to Other Men

    So the most likely cause of this problem is that your wife doesn’t see you as the man that she wants and actually instinctively and literally down to the core of her DNA needs!

    Therefore it’s more about what she’s NOT seeing in you, than about what she sees in these other men.

    What she’s not seeing in you are Alpha Male qualities, that each and every woman needs to see in order to be attracted to. Whether you’re in a nightclub, at the grocery store, in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, or MARRIED…the fact is that a woman must see you as a leader…an ALPHA MALE…if there’s any hope in her feeling attracted to you.

    A lot of men feel like it’s a natural thing for a wife to lose attraction to her husband after marriage, but the fact is that it’s up to you to keep the qualities that she’s attracted to.

    She needs a leader, someone who displays that they’re in charge. There are a few traits that you must possess for her to see you as that sort of man that I don’t have room in this article to go over.

    However, the overall picture is that if you’re saying my wife talks to other men, then she doesn’t see you as her alpha male, and if you become that she’ll have no more reason to look for it in other men at all.

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    Source by Jason T. Nelson

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  • Energy Healing And Body Talk

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    These days there are so many healing techniques available to us, like

    Quantum Touch

    Massotherapy

    Touch for Health

    Zero Balancing

    Healing Touch

    Chiropractic

    Chakra Balancing

    Ki Gong

    the list goes on and on. It’s exciting to know that more and more people around the world are accepting the healing value of alternative and complementary modalities.

    When we take a class in any one of these invaluable techniques, the focus of course is on learning the technique…

    –how to protect ourselves from picking up clients’ “stuff”

    –how to channel or run energy through our bodies out to our hands

    –how to approach and treat certain kinds of issues

    –the body mechanics we use, etc.

    What I see missing from the classes is how to assess the body healing type of the individual we are working with. What do I mean by that?

    Over the years, doing energy healing from the 1980s to the present time, I started to realize that with each person, I was addressing the energy flow to their bodies in a different way. Yes, there is the technique to follow, but after a while the practice becomes almost second nature. I found that as I was “listening” to the bodies, I was “talking” to them differently. And I haven’t found that kind of body talk mentioned anywhere in the energy healing field.

    Of course, I think that each energy healing therapist has a particular way that their inner dialog with the client feels most comfortable or most natural. But what I found was that, when I shifted my own inner preference for how I channeled or ran energy to match my client’s healing type, their recovery occurred in shorter lengths of treatment time.

    So here’s what was shown to me in the course of my years in energy healing: There are three basic types of healing preference that each body has: physical, mental, and spiritual. That seems to line up nicely with the complementary approach to body-mind-spirit healing, which is about the triune nature of being human. But what I’m referring to is the dominant energy healing preference each body is wired for. Each person’s body responds most effectively to the type of energy transfer that matches his or her own energy healing type.

    So sometimes I found I would be silently talking to the body and explaining what it was going through and encouraging it to heal itself. “Yes, you had a bad fall. You know your knee is injured, and you know how to fix it. You know how to do this.” This silent body talk flowed into their bodies along with the energy. This was obviously for a mental body healing type.

    Other times I found myself praying. Sometimes it was a standard prayer, sometimes it was a free-flowing appeal to the person’s guides or angels or Christ Spirit or Mary or an archangel or the Universal Healing Forces. Whatever came to mind to say, this prayer-type energy flowed into the spiritual body healing type.

    And of course, there’s the physical body type. This was a bit of a challenge for me, since most of the energy healing I do is in the bio-field around the body and there’s little or no physical contact. But the physical body healing type needs to feel it for it to respond more readily with its own inner healing mechanisms.

    So I’d touch the area in need, sometimes deeply, while my inner body talk with that person was more along the lines of a cheerleader, “Here it is. Go. Fix this. You can do it.” Or sometimes there wasn’t that much dialog, just a lot of purposeful contact while I ran energy.

    By the 1990s, I figured it would be easier for me to know ahead of time which client was which body healing type before the session started so that I could start the body talk right away. Since I’d been learning how to do dowsing, I asked my pendulum what the type was. You can probably also use finger-muscle testing, if you’re familiar with that. It’s a simple yes-no process of elimination as you ask which healing type your client is.

    There were some surprises that I learned along the way, too. People who I thought for sure would be one type turned out to be another, even though their personalities clearly indicated something else. Like my Dad. Here was a guy who was totally immersed in 3-D. If he couldn’t see it, it didn’t exist. A very physical guy. When he got older and started having health problems (and let me work on them, which wasn’t all the time), I dowsed and – lo and behold – his healing body type was a spiritual!!!

    Then there’s my Mom, who I thought for sure would be a spiritual type, but the dowsing told me she was a physical! She believed in the old-country ways of laying on of hands, had a strong church connection, which Dad didn’t have, and was even known to have healing hands when she was younger (which was great for us as kids). But her body responded more effectively to the physical body touch-approach.

    It reminded me of something I came across in the Edgar Cayce holistic health readings. He talked about the “body mind” as though it was something different or separate from the conscious mind. And now I understood that. The body does have a mind of its own. And when we address that clearly, it responds more readily to whatever healing energy we deliver.

    Another surprise was that some people turn out to have dual types. This is more rare, but when you find it, it gives you more variety in how you frame your inner dialog with the body.

    Finally, one night in the late 1990s as I was meditating, it was revealed to me that what my guidance had shown me described the way our Master Teacher, Jesus the Christ, healed people. For many of us, Christ’s healings in the New Testament were our first exposure to energy healing, even though we probably thought of it as magical or superhuman, not something we could all do (even though He said we could). Maybe even some of the priests and pastors of our formal churches did the “laying on of hands.” But think about this:

    When Jesus healed the blind man, he put mud on the man’s eyes and rubbed it in. Then the man could see. This was an example of the physical body healing type. The man needed to feel something happening to his eyes.

    When He told the cripple that his sins were forgiven, or to rise up and walk, He was addressing a mental body healing type. The man simply got up and walked away. There was no contact at all with him.

    Finally, when a woman touched the hem of His garment and He asked her why she did that, she replied that that’s what she knew she needed to do to be healed. Definitely spiritual or faith healing.

    There also is one other example of a type of healing Jesus did and that was when the Roman soldier asked Him to heal his good servant who was not present at the time. This was a beautiful and dramatic example of both distance healing for the servant and faith healing on the part of the soldier.

    During the course of working with many clients over the years, my own guidance has revealed techniques and understandings that were invaluable in helping my people regain function and health sooner and more easily. You can use this information for yourself as well during those times you need to amplify more healing resource into your own body. I hope you find this information applicable in your own interactions with people in need.

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    Source by Cheryl Salerno

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