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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Heal Your Sexual Abuse Issues

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    Have you ever experienced sexual abuse? Do you know that the negative experience you had may still be affecting you in the present?

    In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I discovered that many women, and even some men, experienced sexual abuse. As I counseled the clients, they became aware of the negative decisions they had made from their sexual exploitation. In fact, many years later those painful thoughts were still affecting their lives in negative ways.

    Some of the symptoms that it still influenced their lives were low self-esteem, avoiding dating, struggling in their relationships, not enjoying their sexuality, hiding their physical beauty, shyness, and doing everything to please others.

    I included 14 hurtful thoughts that caused the above symptoms that I heard from many of the clients of all ages. Can you relate to any of them?

    14 Negative decisions based on sexual abuse include:

    1) I feel shame.

    2) I am bad and dirty.

    3) I am not safe in the world.

    4) I can’t trust men not to hurt me.

    5) My parent or parents betrayed me because they did not protect me.

    6) I can’t trust people I love to be there for me.

    7) I should have stopped it.

    8) Sex is painful, dirty and wrong.

    9) Men want me only for my body.

    10) I feel guilty because it felt good.

    11) I feel different than others; I am an outsider.

    12) I have to hide my secret so people do not judge me.

    13) I have to do what others want me to or I am not safe or loved.

    14) It is not safe for me to get attention from men.

    For example, Susan was molested by her father. As a result, she hated men and that affected all her relationships with the opposite sex. She also was very cute, free- spirited and loving as a child and that is when her father started to molest her. Her decision was many of the above negative beliefs, as well as it is not safe to be free, happy and shine. She just did what people wanted to stay safe. Her self-esteem was very low and that affected her social interactions and professional success. To stuff her pain, she overate and was obese.

    Her mother knew but did nothing to protect Susan. (Mothers often cannot deal with the rejection so they deny it, and may also be afraid of their partners.) To help Susan, I suggested that she imagine her mother in front of her and say, “You did the best you could with the information you had, I forgive you.”

    Then I helped Susan release the other negative thoughts based on her negative experiences, and she felt much better, began speaking up for herself, and her relationship improved.

    By the way, sexual abuse is one major cause of weight issues. Nancy told me that whenever she was thin, men made sexual comments and she did not feel safe. The weight is her wall of protection. “Helene, she said, “I have to make myself unattractive with my unattractive hairstyle, baggy clothes, and fat, for the men to leave me alone!”

    Can you relate to Susan or Nancy? If you do, it would be very beneficial to release those hurtful decisions, so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy life.

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    Source by Helene Rothschild

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  • How To Lose 50 Pounds in 50 Days

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    Here’s how to lose 50 pounds in 50 days. But first, you must understand that losing 50 pounds in 50 days isn’t easy. Second, it’s not 100% healthy. Third, the weight you lose won’t all be fat. If you can accept those 3 things, then here are some guidelines to lose 50 pounds fast.

    1. You must eat often. Seems strange, but true. Eating often keeps your metabolism running fast. This allows you to burn more calories every minute of the day that you aren’t exercising. Now, you can eat more often, but you have to eat smaller meals.
    2. Eat protein at every meal or snack. Protein is another thing that keeps your metabolism lightning quick. Plus it helps to slow down the absorption of carbohydrates that mess with your blood sugar levels.
    3. You’ll need to exercise twice a day to “supercharge” your metabolism. By exercising more often, you “hit” your metabolism more often which trains it to work at a faster capacity for longer periods of time. Two 30-minute sessions are better than 1 1-hour workout.
    4. Take fish oil pills. These healthy Omega 3 fats balance out all the bad Omega 6 and Omega 9 fats that you get. Actually, Omega 6 and Omega 9 fats aren’t necessarily bad… but they’re too many of those compared to Omega 3 fats. You need the balance. Fish oil pills are probably the best long term weight loss supplement you can possibly take. I recommend at least 6 grams a day for weight loss.
    5. Take extra virgin coconut oil. These are also healthy fats. But they work much quicker for weight loss. Research hasn’t really pinpointed why extra virgin coconut oil can help women lose over 5 pounds in 10-15 days, but it may have to do with these fats converting to energy right away instead of being stored as bodyfat. Take 1 tablespoon twice a day. Just be careful when you take this because if you take it at the wrong time, you may gain weight.
    6. Eat 3 apples a day as snacks or right before your meals. Apples are high in water content, high in fiber, and low in calories.
    7. Eat breakfast. Here’s a simple fact to know… 80% of fat people don’t eat breakfast while 80% of skinny people do in fact eat breakfast. It’s the most important meal you can eat. I suggest eating 3-4 scrambled eggs or a bowl of rolled oats oatmeal (not the instant oatmeal).

    Now, those are some general guidelines to help you to lose 50 pounds in 50 days. Should you expect to lose 50 pounds in 50 days. No! Unless you dehydrate yourself to lose water weight and or starve yourself so that your body burns through your muscles (both ways are unhealthy).

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    Source by Jennifer Jolan

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  • Lower Your High Blood Pressure Naturally: 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

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    When you were diagnosed with high blood pressure you were almost certainly advised to lose weight, take more exercise and to improve your diet. That sagely advice was most likely coupled with a prescription for synthetic anti-hypertension medication. Over recent years, research has shown that some natural treatments are just as effective as prescription medicine. This begs the question: Is there something doctors are not telling us?

    The truth is that there is a great deal we are not being told about how our condition can be treated. That is due in part to:

    • the way doctors are trained;
    • the reliance of medical services on pharmaceutical products; and
    • a general lack of understanding of natural remedies.

    The irony is that the pharmaceutical companies develop products that mimic the effects of these natural hypertension remedies.

    The 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

    Secret #1: Hypertension is not a disease.It is in fact a vital sign telling you that there is something wrong inside your body that is elevating your blood pressure.

    Secret #2: The only way to “cure” your condition is by dealing with the underlying cause or causes. Your doctor prescribes medication to manage your condition because he or she does not have the time to investigate every possible cause.

    Secret #3: In many cases, lifestyle factors contribute to or even cause our condition. We do not need medication to improve our lifestyle choices.

    Secret #4:The medications prescribed by your doctor only treat the symptom, not the problem.

    Secret #5: Adopt and follow the principles contained in the Dietary Advice to Stop Hypertension (the DASH diet). There is reliable evidence that this advice, if strictly followed can lower your BP readings to within normal levels in as little as three weeks. Even if it takes longer, the evidence suggests that the diet makes the medication you are taking more effective, resulting in a lower dosage being required.

    Secret #6: Eat three or four cloves of fresh garlic a day or take a good quality supplement.Our blood pressure rises as our body increases production of the angiotensin converting enzyme (ACE). Garlic contains a natural ACE inhibitor. This, combined with the high amounts of allicin found in garlic give it its ability to dilate arteries, thereby lowering our blood pressure.If ACE inhibitors sound familiar to you it is because synthetic versions are often prescribed to manage your condition.

    Secret #7: Keep properly hydrated.The general advice is that our bodies need two litres of water a day to maintain health. You can substitute fresh home-made juices, such as beetroot, carrot, celery or cranberry for part of this daily requirement as these are known to lower blood pressure.

    Secret #8: Replace your caffeinated drinks with green tea. For people with our condition, having caffeinated drinks is like throwing gasoline onto a fire. Green tea is low in caffeine and is loaded with antioxidants that have been shown to reduce hypertension.

    Secret #9: Drink an infusion made from extract of hawthorn each day. Hawthorn is another powerful natural ACE inhibitor. It is also a mild diuretic that lowers blood volume. Synthetic diuretics are another medication commonly prescribed to manage your condition. Sometimes they are used in combination with other medications such as ACE inhibitors.

    Secret #10: Relieve stress. It is well-known that stress can cause hypertension. Try some deep breathing exercises, reading a book, or listening to tranquil music. Practicing meditation or deep relaxation are also effective ways of eliminating physical and mental stress, thereby reducing hypertension.

    Now you know these 10 hypertension secrets your doctor has not told you, you can review how your condition is being treated. Lowering your high blood pressure to normal levels naturally is not only possible, it is not difficult.

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    Source by Robert Reddin

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  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0

  • Creativity and Entrepreneurship

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    We will commence our assignment with a discussion of sources of new ideas. We will then examine methods of generating ideas, creative problem solving, the product planning and development process, and then e-commerce. We will then generate several new ideas using brain writing, the checklist method, and free association. We will apply the product development stage to our new ideas and end our discussion with two alternatives to e-commerce.

    Sources of new ideas include consumers, existing products and services, distribution channels and even the Federal Government (Hisrich, 2008). The files of the patent office are full of new ideas and new product ideas can form as a result of government regulations. Research and development is the largest source of new ideas and can occur in a formal lab or in a garage or basement.

    Many methods can be use to generate new ideas. In focus groups, a moderator leads a group of people through open, in-depth discussions. These groups generally consist of eight to fourteen participants. They are stimulated by comments from other group members in creatively conceptualizing and developing a new product idea to fill a market need. Focus groups are also an excellent way to screen ideas and concepts. Problem inventory analysis is another great method of generating new ideas. It uses individuals in a manner that is similar to that of focus groups. Consumers are provided with a list of problems in a general product category and are then asked to identify and discuss products in this category that have the particular problem. This method should be used primarily to identify product ideas for further evaluation.

    Creative problem solving takes the generation of new ideas to a higher level. Brainstorming allows people to be stimulated to greater creativity by meeting with others and participating in organized group experiences. Rules include the following:

    a) Criticism not allowed

    b) Freewheeling is encouraged

    c) Quantity of ideas is desired

    d) Encourage combinations and improvements of ideas

    Brainstorming should be fun and not contain any domination or inhibition of discussion. It is highly effective in groups of six to twelve individuals and can generate ideas about a problem within a limited time frame through the spontaneous contributions of participants. Reverse brainstorming offers a different perspective as it is similar to brainstorming, except criticism is allowed. It is based on finding fault by asking in how many ways an idea can fail. The focus is on the negative aspects of a product, service, or idea. One must be careful to maintain group's morale though. Reverse brainstorming can be used prior to other forms of creative techniques to stimulate innovative thinking and involves the identification of everything wrong with an idea. It is usually worthwhile since is easier for people to be critical about an idea instead of coming up with a new one.

    Brainwriting is a form of written brainstorming and gives participants more time to think than brainstorming. It is silent and each group member writes down three ideas within five minutes. A form is passed around to all participants while a leader monitors time intervals and can even modify them. The Gordon method is another method of creative problem solving and begins with group members not knowing the exact nature of a problem. This ensures that a solution is not clouded by preconceived ideas and behavioral problems. A general concept associated with the problem is mentioned and the group then expresses a number of ideas. A concept is then developed and related concepts are developed. Finally, the actual problem is revealed.

    The checklist method involves the development of a new idea through a list of related issues or suggestions. The following questions demonstrate how the checklist method is used:

    ii.Put to other uses? New ways to use as-is?

    iii.Adapt? What else like this? What could I copy

    iv.Modify? New twist? Change meaning, color, form, shape?

    v.Magnify? What to add?

    vi.Minify? What substitute? Smaller?

    vii.Substitute? What else instead? Other material?

    viii.Rearrange? Other pattern?

    ix.Reverse?

    x.Combine? Blend?

    Free association is another form of creative problem solving and is one of the simplest and yet most most effective methods. It is helpful in developing an entirely new slant to a problem. First, a word or phrase related to a problem is written down. Then other ones are written down and so on. Each new word attempts to add something new to the ongoing thought processes. This creates a chain of ideas ending with a new product idea.

    The product planning and development process is crucial to an entrepreneur's success. One must first establish evaluation criteria by assessing the market opportunity and size. One must evaluate current competing producers, prices, and marketing efforts. New idea should have synergy with existing management capabilities and marketing strategies. The proposed product or service idea should be able to be supported by and contribute to a company's financial well-being. One should evaluate the compatibility of a new product's production requirements with existing plant, machinery, and personnel. Entrepreneurs should be concerned with formally evaluating an idea throughout its evolution. The idea stage involves identifying new product or service ideas while eliminating impractical product or service ideas.

    One must determine the need for the new idea as well as its value to the company to ensure both prior to proceeding with the ideas. The need determination should focus on the type of need, its timing, the users involved with trying the product or service, the importance of controllable marketing variables, the overall market structure, and the characteristics of the market. In the concept stage, a new product should be developed further and refined through interaction with consumers. The refined idea is then tested to determine consumer acceptance. Features, price, and promotion should be evaluated for the concept being studied and any major competing products. The product development stage involves determining consumer reactions to the physical product. An entrepreneur can provide samples in this stage. The final stage of the development process consists of the test marketing stage, which provides actual sales results that indicate the acceptance level of consumers.

    E-commerce is a relatively new concept in the business world and should be used creatively. An entrepreneur must address additional specific issues due to continually-evolving technology. For instance, one must decide if he will run the internet operations of the business or outsource the task to another firm. A website is often created and must be aesthetically-pleasing and fully functional. Ninety percent of small businesses use websites and ease of use is important with websites. The website is a communication vehicle in which search capability and speed are equally important. A website should have a shopping cart, secure server connection, credit card payment processing, and a customer feedback feature. It should be customized for specific target market groups and should be compatible with various browsers.

    The tracking of customer information is vitally important when dealing with e-commerce. This is often accomplished via electronic databases. Doing so supports personal marketing and captures customer attention with customized one-to-one marketing. It is critically important to protect the privacy of individuals when keeping databases.

    When conducting e-commerce as an entrepreneurial company, one's products should be able to be delivered economically and conveniently. Products must be interesting to a large number of people and a company must be prepared to ship products out of its geographic location. Online operations must bring significant reductions in cost as compared to having a store.

    We now turn our attention to the generation of clothing ideas for Libya. We utilized brainwriting with a time limit of five minutes to come up with a new idea. We drafted an adjustable robe for women that can be rolled up and then attached with velcro to shorten it when desired to offer additional clothing and styling capabilities. We then used the checklist method and came up with the following:

    xi.Modify? New twist? Change meaning, color, form, shape?

    a) Can offer robe in multiple colors such as white, red, and blue

    xii.Substitute? What else instead? Other material?

    a) Can make robes out of breathable polyester / nylon material as used in athletic wear

    b) Allows for wicking away of sweat and moisture to keep clothing dry and light in weight

    We then used free association to come up with a list of related words:

    -xiii.cooling, light weight, windproof, light colors, reflective material xiv. End result is metallic-colored fabric that will reflect sunlight like aluminum foil

    We then applied product development stages to the new ideas to formulate a final product concept. We first established our evaluation criteria by assessing market opportunity and size. The population of Libya is 6,173,579, so this will serve as our potential market (Wikipedia, 2009). We then turned to the idea stage to identify new product ideas. These ideas included the following thought process:

    a) Can offer robe in multiple colors such as white, red, and blue

    b) Can make robes out of breathable polyester / nylon material as used in athletic wear

    c) Roll-up velcro to shorten robe for greater cooling and comfort

    d) metallic-colored fabric that will reflect sunlight like aluminum foil

    xv.Eliminate impractical product / service ideas in this stage

    a) Metallic-colored fabric will be eliminated

    b) Reflecting sun can create an oven effect on wearer

    c) Can actually make customer hotter and not cooler

    xvi.Determine the need for the new idea as well as its value to the company to ensure both prior to proceeding with ideas

    a) Multiple robe colors will appeal to different people

    b) Wicking-material robe will appeal to men more

    c) Roll-up robe will appeal to women more

    d) Can result in greater sales and market share

    e) Is beneficial to company to sell more robes while meeting individual needs of customers via mass customization

    We then moved on to the concept stage to further develop and refine our new product ideas through interaction with consumers. We plan on participating in trade shows to present our new ideas. We will display prototypes and obtain feedback from potential customers. Our refined ideas will then be tested to determine consumer acceptance. We will take consumer ideas into consideration and tweak prototypes accordingly. We will then consider the pricing and products of our competition and price our products accordingly to maintain a competitive edge. In the product development stage, we will determine consumers' reactions to the physical product by allowing customers to try our robes on at trade shows. We will then participate in the test marketing stage by proving actual sales results once our products enter the market.

    Alternatives for the use of e-commerce in conducting one of the product development stages for the actual commercialization of our final product idea can involve the creation of a company website that is easy to use. We will incorporate powerful search capabilities while ensuring that our site performs with acceptable speed. We will include a shopping cart, secure server connection, credit card payment, and customer feedback feature in our website. In addition, our website will be customized for specific target market groups and be compatible with various browsers. We will also track customer information by creating an electronic database that supports personal marketing. This will allow us to capture customers' attention with customized one-to-one marketing while protecting the privacy of individuals via strong database encryption. Incorporating online operations will bring significant reductions in cost as compared to having a store. This will allow us to pass savings on to customers via lower prices and greater value.

    Bibliography

    Hisrich, Robert D., Peters, Michael P., and Shepherd, Dean A. (2008). Entrepreneurship
    (7th ed.). Boston: McGraw-Hill Irwin.

    Wikipedia (2009). Libya. Retrieved July 23,2009 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libya .

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    Source by Bobby Mobini

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  • 8 Tips to Help You Make an Online Dating Site Work for You

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    Today, online dating websites use artificial intelligence to help you get in contact with the right person. If you are looking for an effective way of making your favorite dating sites work for you, our expert tips may help you. On these platforms, you can get advice on relationships and dating. Plus, you will get a lot of relevant quizzes.

    Since these platforms attract millions of visitors on a regular basis, experts say that you have to use the right approach to make the platform work for you. Let’s read some tips.

    Set your Priorities

    First of all, you need to set your priorities, which means you need to set criteria for things you are looking for in your desired partner. Therefore, what you need to do is do your homework before you start your search. Also, this will help you create a short list of potential candidates.

    Consider your Interests

    You may want to choose a site that can match your interests. Your next move is to opt for a platform that you think can help you get the person you are in search of. On big platforms, your chances of finding the right person will be higher.

    Have a Live Chat

    Although it’s nice to chat with your partner online, it can’t be an alternative to a face-to-face conversation. If you are just getting started, meeting in person may not be possible. So, it’s a good idea to have a live video chat. This will help you find out if you can take it to the next level.

    Be Realistic

    Although you may find exactly the person you are looking for, make sure you are realistic. In other words, your expectations should be realistic.

    Personality Tests

    It’s interesting to run some personality tests, but don’t think that they are perfect. The matching bot of the dating site can’t beat personal experience. So, what you need to do is have an open mind about the person who the algorithm think is not good for you. That guy or girl may be an excellent prospect.

    Beware of Dishonest People

    While communicating with a prospective date on a dating website, make sure you trust your gut instincts. You can use many ways to find out if they are lying to you. Make sure you do all you can to be conservative and protect yourself.

    Safeguard your Self-Esteem

    If you don’t find your desired person even after several days, don’t lose heart. Even after trying your level best, if you fail to achieve success, we suggest that you sit with a close friend for suggestions. This will help you avoid mistakes that you might have made during the process.

    Create a Catchy Profile

    Make sure you prepare your profile carefully. Ideally, your profile should be a clear description of who you are. This will help others find you more easily. If your profile is poorly made, you may have to face disappointments.

    In short, these are some techniques that can help you make an online dating site work for you.

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    Source by Shalini M

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  • Beginner’s Guide To Digital Marketing

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    This is a short and sweet guide to the various types of digital marketing that exist today. You can use any of these ideas in your marketing right now. If you don’t do one of these types of marketing, consider adding it to your strategy.

    Content Marketing

    In many ways, everything involved with digital marketing focuses on content marketing. This involves creating content that engages, informs, encourages and converts your audience into buying your products and or services.

    Search Engine Marketing

    This consists of using both paid and unpaid content marketing to get people to visit your website or landing pages. You can use search terms within the content, as well as create ads with search terms for paid marketing that focuses on search terms.

    Social Media Marketing

    This involves using your social media platforms to promote content to your audience by asking people to share, by sharing great content, and by promoting via ads the content you’re trying to share.

    Search Engine Optimization

    SEO involves using the information provided by the search engines to optimize every page on your website, on your social media platforms, and on email platforms, in such a way that the search engines find you and send your information to their audience.

    Email Marketing

    Really a part of content marketing, building an email list is a great way to market to your audience in a captive way. You get them on your list, then you can market to them more directly and personally the items you want them to buy and use.

    Affiliate Marketing

    This is a great way to get more backlinks to your online real estate. An affiliate will share your information to make sales and a commission from those sales. Create an amazing program with graphics and content, make it cut-and-paste easy for affiliates to promote you, and it will be successful.

    Relationship Marketing

    Today, building online communities is very important to help you build relationships with your audience in the digital age. The days of hiding behind your computer are over. You’ll need to have live events, webinars, and lots of discussions with your community to engage with them.

    Pay Per Click

    Most online businesses today need to pay for some marketing. The best type is PPC (pay per click). This means you only pay when someone clicks your information. That way, you have more of a chance to get them to your landing pages, content, and products. You can remarket to them once they come to your website too.

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    Source by Jon Allo

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  • Multi Level Marketing System – Become The Hunted Instead Of The Hunter

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    One of the few best multi level marketing system that’s making quite the buzz in the industry today is the idea of becoming the authority. Creating an image of being an expert, and expect people to follow you instead of you looking for them. This idea is known as attraction marketing, or more popularly branded as magnetic sponsoring. Your aim is to become a magnet, thus, you become the hunted and no longer the hunter.

    But how do you do this, and why is it so effective? The beauty of attraction marketing is all about saying the right words, and doing the right thing. It’s pulling people in instead of them running away from you. All it takes is for you to be creative enough and be highly motivated, because if you are and you can, you’ll be able to implement a variety of ways to generate leads even while you’re at sleep. Like how it is described: magnetic sponsoring is the total opposite of the traditional failed market method most marketers are still doing today. You have to stop forcing or pitching your sales on prospects who most of the time may have little or no interest at what you have to say. Rather, target those who actually need you, because that’s who’ll be following you and soon may even be converted as your downline in the future.

    How do you become the hunted? The answer is quite effortless, become an expert. Transform yourself into a brand. How do you do this? By sharing what you know. Your expertise is what will attract other like minded people to you. State the problem, and then solve it for them. In the end, you become their guru, and then from there on you can easily lead them to where you want them to go. And where they are going is where your sales or your target objective is. Whether to recruit, to distribute, or to retail, you can easily do this as long as they need you. As long as you give them what they need, they will come to you. It’s that easy.

    What’s best about this is you’ve probably gone through so many failures about network marketing yourself, so you most certainly have a lot to say. By simply sharing what you’ve gone through, the reviews of the products or software you’ve used is help enough. Those who are interested in what you have mentioned there would soon be piling up asking more and more inquiries about you, about other products, and so on. Then they’ll ask what else you know, what worked, and all that. Can you imagine the possibilities? Of what you can offer them besides the business you’re in? Once you’ve established an image, it’s all but a continuous flow of leads.

    In the end, you become the old you who longs to generate quality leads, but now has possible downline prospects. You owe it to yourself to want to learn more about the other strategies and guide involved in the attraction marketing MLM system, and what other stuff it has in stored for you. It’s all but a few steps more, and then you’ll be on your way to instant unlimited leads in no time.

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    Source by Daegan Smith

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  • Reduce Your One Pound of Weight in Every 72 Hours

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    Faster Weight loss technique

    The biggest problem that we can see among many people is gaining weight. 80% of female and 20% of male facing the problem of increasing weight because of their weight they feel embrace in-front of others and taking themselves for granted, they thought that they can’t look beautiful and charming because they thought that they can’t earn a beautifully shaped body But their thinking is wrong, a fat person can look beautiful and can also get a beautiful figure with one condition of adopting a correct way. Many people do exercises, follow a strict diet plan. Avoiding their favourite food etc. but, all this way doesn’t work faster. These ways give you a shaped figure in months or year but RED DETOX TEA is only way or technique that will reduce your one pound of weight every 72 hours. Many questions arise that what is Red Detox Tea? Why should Red Detox Tea be preferred more than green tea? How it is so beneficial?

    Better than any other weight loss technique

    Red tea is basically a Rooibos which we can also call red bush, it is a type of plant that readily available with so much potential and it is very impactful than any other exercise or even very good than green tea. It does not have caffeine but green tea have caffeine, if you want to drink red tea at night it will not leave you restless. Another attribute of red tea is taste, It is less bitter than green tea. Most of the time it happens people drink green tea to reduce their weight but its bitter taste stops them to drink it again but with the launching of red detox tea this problem is simply solved.

    Weight loss technique that good for health too

    Red detox tea will not only reduce your weight but also keep you away from the risk of many diseases, the antioxidant like Aspalathin and Nothofagin it have, will help you to control your blood sugar, reduce your extra fat, also reduce your stress, and other metabolic disorders.

    Weight loss technique for all ages

    This product is not only for adult or only for younger, but people of all ages can also prefer it to reduce their weight because of its recipe designed in a way that provides benefits to all ages without any side effects. People who are in the stress of losing their weight should prefer this. Red detox will reduce your one pound of weight only in 72 hours which is a very fast process, and also an affordable price. https://bit.ly/2QMABNz

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    Source by Muhammad Younus Umer

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