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Tag: Waiting

  • 9 Steps To Living Abundantly

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    Many of us are bowed down by life – stressed, short of time, tired, on a treadmill, knowing that this isn’t the way to live, but not knowing how to free ourselves up to live more fully, more abundantly. There are simple things we can do – they don’t take time or money – they take a change of attitude. Here are 9 of them:

    1. Being totally financially honest – if you are not, this implies that there is not enough for you to have everything you need without dishonesty.

    2. Creating a vacuum so that more good things can flow into it – don’t fill your life up with things you don’t really want. Ask yourself if you want each thing before you buy it. Don’t have abundant rubbish, live abundantly by seeking out the things and experiences that work for you in your core being.

    3. Tithing is often associated with religion, but it is also possible to tithe in a non-religious context. This seems a really important aspect of living abundantly – every time you freely give money away, you are implying that you are confident that more will come – this is a BIG positive affirmation with a lot of power behind it. The traditional amount is 10% of your income. I’ve recommended this to lots of people, and they’ve told me that when they do this – magically – they seem to have more. I started with 10% but now I’ve increased it, because I’ve seen that the more I give away the more I get back, and the happier and more abundantly I live.

    4. Being grateful for what you already have – focussing on the good that is already in your life. It’s easy to think about what you don’t have, but spend some time each day thinking about what you do have. Start each day by thinking of 5 things that you are grateful for – and express this out loud.

    5. Resentment, jealousy, envy and self-pity interfere with the free-flow of abundance. If you are jealous or envious of someone, it implies that what they have is not available for you to have also. If you find it difficult to let go of these feelings, Bach flower remedies may help. Try the remedy ‘willow’ to counteract resentment and self-pity, or try ‘holly’ for envy, jealousy and greed.

    6. Forgiving those that have wronged you is part of living abundantly. Holding on to your anger, however justifiable it may seem, keeps you stuck in the past, rather than going forward into a better future. If it’s difficult to let go of your negative feelings, try writing a letter expressing all your anger, hurt or envy. Write until you can write no more, and then burn it.

    7. Being able to receive from other people. Being able to receive is healthy, but many people find it difficult. You may need to practice receiving. Think of the pleasure you get in giving. By not receiving generously you are denying other people the pleasure of giving.

    8. Realise that in general ‘good luck’ plays a very small part in people’s life. (If you put your faith in good luck, then you have to accept the possibility of bad luck too.) People who put their faith in ‘good luck’ often spend their lives waiting for things to happen. People who don’t believe in luck go out and make things happen.

    9. Believing that there is enough money, food, love, etc. in the world to meet everyone’s needs to live abundantly. I left this one till the last, because it can be very hard to believe when faced with war and starvation in the newspapers and on the TV, but a lot of this anger and need is caused because people who have do not believe they have enough, because they substitute money and food for all the other abundance of life. Do your bit to correct that imbalance and start living a life that recognises there are inequalities and shortages, but recognises that we can correct that so we all have what we need.

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    Source by Jane Thurnell-Read

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  • How Dirty Bunks At Summer Camp Can Teach You How To Heal

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    When I was a child and a young adult, I spent twenty summers at Camp Ramah, a network of Hebrew-speaking summer camps located throughout North and South America, Israel, Russia and even Eastern Europe. I was a camper, counselor, teacher, division head, Camp Rabbi and assistant camp director at Ramah in the Poconos and Ramah Massachusetts. Aside from having a wonderful time learning all about what it meant to be a “good Jewish boy,” I now realize that it was at Camp Ramah that I learned a valuable life-lesson which would teach me-and you– how to heal from the pain of loss.

    Surprisingly enough, I learned that lesson from our dirty bunks!

    Every single day, our bunk needed to be cleaned, except for Shabbat, our Sabbath. Chores were divvied up, sometimes using a daily “job Wheel of Fortune,” sometime a weekly cleaning assignment, and sometimes the counselor simply told us what to do. No one liked to clean the bunk, but from bunk clean-up, I learned my first, and perhaps most important healing lesson: mourners need to clean out the losses from their lives, to make room for the life of joy and celebration that is waiting to enter. It wasn’t about the clean-up at all, it was about having something to do each day that would help us reach our goal. We were never allowed not to have a job, that was not an option. Each day we had to actually do something, we couldn’t just sit on our beds and read comic books, and we couldn’t just lie in bed all day!

    Now I am a man, and I do not see dirt, whether it was in my bunk at camp or in my home now. But somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew then, and know now, that there was indeed dirt which we needed to clean up and remove. Though I mostly didn’t want to clean, I knew it was necessary.

    You could say that when loss enters our lives, our life-bunks become covered with dirt. The dirt won’t go away by itself, it needs to be swept out. That’s why routine tasks are crucial-they help us get out of bed every morning and tend to the chore of cleaning our bunks. Or our lives..

    If you’re like me, you would sometimes rather not do anything to heal, perhaps just wait until “the right time comes along.” It’s too hard, or it hurts too much, or I don’t like making changes so I’ll just stay the way I am right now-as if you could…

    I know people, and so do you, who are still grieving a loss from ten, twenty or even thirty years ago. I know some one whose husband died ten years ago, and to this day has still not emptied out his clothes closet. When I asked her why not, her answer was: I like to feel that he’s still here with me. Okay, I get that, but for her, he is still alive while she is drowning in sadness, and that is not how life is supposed to be. If she cannot clear out his clothes, then she cannot ever begin to heal, because for her, he hasn’t truly died, and she has not yet said goodbye to him. It’s easier, she thinks, to do nothing. Except we know the truth. Doing nothing is worse than just doing nothing. Doing nothing only makes it harder and harder to begin to sweep out that dirt and let the beauty of life enter into our lives.

    So at camp, the dirt needs to be cleaned up and swept out, or else the bunk will get even dirtier. The lesson is clear. When loss comes, we need to similarly begin to clean up, do what needs to be done, and let the healing begin.

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    Source by Dr. Mel Glazer

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  • How I Lost 40 Pounds in Six Weeks!

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    It was the happiest day of my life! I was running down the concourse of the airport to catch my plane to a new life – in the Air Force. I felt free and alive for the first time in my life.

    At first the Air Force didn’t want me, because I was overweight!

    But I did it! I lost the weight! I went from 165 pounds to 125 pounds. I made it! I felt fantastic! A whole new wardrobe of sizes 10’s and 11’s were waiting for me.

    I lost 40 pounds in six weeks eating–only protein and drinking lots of water.

    I drank a lot of water and took multi-vitamin pills. I kept busy looking for a job, playing golf, swimming, and drawing. In the mornings I did 15 sit-ups and 50 running in place. There was one consolation about not eating, no food bills. McDonald’s was next door. Smelling those Big Mac’s drove me crazy.

    I was feeling much better about myself and saw the difference. My clothes were getting baggy and lose. The high protein diet was made for me, because I loved meat, eggs, cheese, and fish.

    Two scrambled eggs (no butter), with tea made a good breakfast. I mixed tuna and shrimp. Some chicken, cheese, a hard boiled egg was another meal. A piece of cheese melted between two thin broiled hamburger patties was a favorite of mine. I had some cottage cheese with it. A take home box of chicken would last for three meals. I took the skin off. Plus I drank 8-10 glasses of water a day.

    Then I had to wait six months before going active duty. During that summer I had a great time; biking, hiking, swimming, golfing. I ate fresh fruits, vegetables, and watched what I ate. I was full of energy. I lost some more weight.

    And during basic training, I lost even more weight. All that marching and running around, then eating military food! I was 115 pounds!

    The key to the whole thing was I wanted it bad enough to make any diet work! I don’t recommend the protein diet to anyone. It was mine. You have to find your own, and I’m willing to help you.

    I use to be shy, backward, naive, and very heavy, 165 pounds at 5 foot 4 inches tall.

    My life changed forever. I have been studying nutrition and fitness since, and now as a Wellness Coach I help others do the same.

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    Source by Kathy Thompson

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  • Timeshare Sales Techniques – The Statement of Intent

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    The statement of intent is an excellent sales tool for establishing a number of things right at the beginning of your sales presentation. Firstly and most importantly it is used to calm your clients down and make them feel more comfortable about being on a Timeshare or Holiday Club presentation.

    Once you have collected your clients from the reception, have them seated correctly in the warm up area and ordered their drinks, you should give them what is known in the Timeshare Industry as “The Statement of Intent”. Or “Breaking of the pact”

    Your clients are probably very nervous, either because of a past personal experience on a Timeshare presentation, or because of all the bad press and warnings they have read or heard about what happens when you attend a Timeshare sales presentation.

    The easiest way to alleviate their fears is let them know exactly what is going to happen during their presentation. People only fear the unknown. So if you let them know what to expect and in what order. They will normally calm down immediately.

    A good statement of intent should go something like this:

    “Ok John and Mary, while we’re waiting for our drinks to arrive let me tell you exactly what’s going to happen while you’re with me here today”. “Firstly I’m going to ask you to help me with a brief holiday survey about where you’ve been in the past, where you would like to go in the future, and what you’ve liked or disliked about some of the holidays you’ve taken in the past. It’s a very important part of my job as the information people like you give us, help my company to keep up to date with the ever changing holiday trends and stay ahead of the competition, then I’m going to show you around the resort and you will see why we now have so many members in my holiday club and you’ll realise the benefits that my members get from being part of such a large and well established holiday company, at the end of my presentation you will be given the option of either saying no thanks, in which case I will make sure you get any gifts you have been promised and a taxi back to your hotel, or you can choose to join the other thousands of families who said yes and are now enjoying the many benefits of being part of my club and I will make sure my manager is available to sort out the best possible deal at the best possible price, either way the choice will be yours.” “All I ask is that you allow me to do a full presentation and answer all your questions before you make your choice.” “Is that fair enough?”

    Now get all parties to agree and shake all their hands. At this point you must confirm that they are OK for time, that they’re not rushing of to meet any one in half an hour and they haven’t left Grandma alone on the beach in full sunshine.

    Apart from relaxing your clients and making them more open minded, you will have also got rid of the time problem. If they start pushing you to speed things up you can just remind them that they agreed to allow you to do a full presentation and you shook hands on it.

    Your clients will have agreed to give you at least ninety minutes. It’s up to you to turn that ninety minutes into a three hour presentation that ends in a deal!

    They won’t even notice the time if you, entertain them, win them over, and close them using the “Simple Selling Skills” you’ll be learning when you keep dropping by my site on a weekly basis.

    See you next week.

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    Source by Alan Roy Hocking

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  • Addiction Marketing

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    “Addiction Marketing” is a phrase I coined a few years back while waiting in line for my drink at Starbucks. I was observing the mass of people who like lost explorers in the desert rushing for an oasis seemed to be desperate for their daily (if not more frequent) fix of caffeine. It was at that moment that I realized that one of Starbucks key business drivers, if not their most critical business driver, was that Starbucks sells products that cater to peoples addictive tendencies. What Starbucks has done better than many other addictive marketers is that they also make it cool and trendy to succumb to your addiction. In today’s blog post I’ll examine addiction as a key success factor in business.

    When I was in school economics professors would lecture on using supply and demand drivers to create a business advantage…business professors would evangelize the strengths of the recurring value and stability of consumable products…marketing professors would espouse the benefits of relationship marketing, but nowhere do I recall being able to register for a class on addiction. However if you think about “Addiction Marketing” you’ll quickly realize what the “media pushers” on Madison Avenue and the product development and marketing gurus in the corporate world have known for years…all people have their unique set of vulnerabilities that if creatively and effectively exploited will lead to strong sales and powerful brands.

    If you read the business news over the weekend you’ll have noticed that the Indian government is attempting to force Coca Cola and Pepsi to divulge the formulas to their popular beverage products. One of the charges being upheld in the Indian High Court is that Coke and Pepsi products are addictive and unhealthy…Hmmm…Examine the following representative list of successful businesses and/or industries and come to your own conclusions as to whether these businesses or industries prey on the addictions of consumers world-wide to generate their revenue:

    Las Vegas – The tagline “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” caters to virtually every possible addiction under the sun…Sin City lives up to its reputation.

    Tag Body Spray – Tag’s recent commercial campaign has taken the phrase “Sex Sells” to a whole new level…In this campaign all an adolescent male needs to do is to spray himself with the Tag product and he finds himself instantly being attacked by hordes of attractive young women…If you have a teenage son, it would be a safe bet that Tag is his cologne of choice.

    The Beer and Alcohol Industry – You will be hard pressed to find a beer or alcohol company that doesn’t portray consumption of their beverage as the key ingredient to a lifestyle of fast cars, beautiful women, successful careers, etc.

    The Tobacco Industry – The tobacco industry has been publicly hammered for selling products that leverage the addictive effects of Nicotine and even with all the known health hazards smokers face, in many instances the addictive nature of the product is greater than peoples ability to make a logical decision.

    I don’t think anyone will dispute the examples noted in the above list as obviously preying on consumer’s addictive tendencies. However what about the more subtle side of the addiction business? Isn’t Starbucks using the same addictive business tactics as those industries listed above? What about companies in the luxury products sector? Companies that sell high end products and services cater to the elitist attitudes of this segment allowing consumers to make statements about their socioeconomic status based on the products they purchase. Is this not also catering to addictive tendencies?

    OK, now I’ll hit a little closer to home…What about my company’s value proposition? We sell success…Is it not possible to look at success as being an addiction? How about the social networking industry? Are social networkers and bloggers addicted to the interaction, attention, etc. that the new media platform affords? While I could go on, I think my point has been made…I’m certainly not implying that all consumers are addicts, nor am I implying that all companies are “pushers”, but I am pointing out that addiction marketing sells and that many companies use this as a strategic advantage. In fact, I believe the evidence is clear that a business can create a strong strategic advantage in sustainability if they find no ethical flaw in what I’ve coined as “Addiction Marketing”.

    The bottom line is that I love to travel and watch movies and I don’t think it makes me an escapist…I have a penchant for Starbucks (venti caramel frappacinos in particular) and I don’t think I’m a caffeine addict, I appreciate the fine clothes and quality automobiles and I don’t believe that makes me a social elitist. However I have also come to realize that my perceived addictive tendencies are clearly attempting to be preyed upon by creative and intelligent marketing and product development efforts. I’ll leave you with the following questions to ponder:

    What is the difference between pleasure and addiction?

    Do you feel “Addiction Marketing” is ethical?

    Does your company partake in addictive marketing strategies and tactics?

    And, when was the last time you made a purchase based upon your addiction?

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    Source by Mike Myatt

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  • E-Mini Trading: The Ambush Trade

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    When e-mini trading, the Ambush trade can be a power tool in your arsenal of trading. It’s a Fibonacci trade, which certainly is not my favorite, but has a surprising level of success. This trade set-up, which occurs frequently, take some time and practice to recognize, but learning it can put valuable ticks on the positive side of your trading ledger.

    A quick note on trades utilizing Fibonacci number is in order here. I have no belief that Fib numbers hold any particular value in e-mini trading, but enough people believe in Fibonacci magic to make this trade a virtual self-fulfilling prophecy. I trade what works, regardless of my personal beliefs. Since enough e-mini traders have a high level of belief in Fibonacci trading, I will happily join in their fun.

    There are several ways to trade the Ambush trade, with some individuals believing that the entire range of the day is in order. These traders plot the usual Fibonacci numbers in the usual manner, only using the entire day’s range as their basis. Personally, I have found this trading methodology to be less successful than mine; I generally look to find a substantial move in the day’s trading and apply Fib retracements to that individual move. I have listened to numerous discussions on this topic some pro some negative; but for me, spotting a significant move and trading the Ambush on that move has been most successful.

    So what is the Ambush trade?

    As I mentioned previously, I generally notice a significant move in the day’s trading action and apply a set of Fibonacci retracement from the beginning of the move to the conclusion of the move. Essentially I am measuring the level of retracement of the initial move. The area I am interested is the 50% retracement to the 61.2 level of retracement. The area between these two plots is called the Ambush zone. I might add that the number 50 is not a Fib number but it gets thrown into the mix for reasons I don’t fully understand.

    Some aggressive traders automatically take a trade at a predetermined level in the ambush zone; say, at 50%. I personally don’t use this method, as I generally wait for the market to begin to change directions before entering this trade. It’s an odd trade for those who are not accustomed to observing this trade, as it seems you are taking a trade “out of the blue” in a relatively strong retracement against the trend. But Fib traders are well aware of the Ambush trade and are generally waiting patiently for the retracement to hit the Ambush zone. Then they take action, and trade in the direction opposite the retracement and in the direction of the original trend. I can generally get 12+ ticks out of this trade; but do not let it run, as the price action often resumes in the direction of the retracement. This is not a trade to get greedy on, get your ticks and get out at the first sign of movement opposite the direction of your trade.

    In summary, I have described a very popular trade among experienced traders based upon Fibonacci retracements. This trade is relatively consistent so I look for it throughout the course of the day. Don’t try to eek every tick out of this trade, and exit at the first sign of the trade moving against your position.

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    Source by David S. Adams

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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    Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

    Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

    Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

    Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

    Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

    Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

    Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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    Source by James Allen Hanrahan

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  • Your Doctor Says It's Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Now What?

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    Hopefully you've been heeding my advice and you've gone to see your doctor about your hand pain. I'm going to guess that if he told you that he thinks you have carpal tunnel syndrome, he probably gave you a brace (or splint) and told you to come see him in a month. Hopefully he has referred you to a hand therapist or hand surgeon, and now you're just waiting to see what happens next. Don't panic. Once you understand what's involved, I think you'll feel a lot better.

    So, let's talk about that. What IS next?

    First of all, let's talk about what carpal tunnel syndrome really involves. Because if there is something that I've learned over the years, it's that people don't get a good explanation of what is really going on inside their hand. And as I always say, knowledge is power.

    Your "carpal tunnel" is a space in the base of your palm that is formed by several wrist bones and a thick ligament. Imagine it like this: Make an "O" shape between your thumb and your index finger. Now, hold your arm in a way that forces your palm to be facing the ceiling. The bottom half of the circle is a group of bones. The top half of the circle is a ligament. You've just created a mock-up carpal tunnel.

    Through that "tunnel", you have several tendons (that make your fingers bend) and one very important nerve that operates your thumb muscles and also gives you sensation to your thumb, index, middle, and part of your ring finger. Over time, if those tendons swell, they will crush the nerve against the wall (which is the ligament we talked about earlier) and that pinches the nerve, forcing it to stop working well. Usually, your first symptom is numbness or tingling, then hand pain at night, and eventually you start dropping things because your thumb is getting weaker (and you can't feel properly).

    This information is good to have so that you understand WHY the doctor wants you to wear a splint. See, when you bend your wrist in either direction, you pinch the (already irritated) tunnel more, which cuts off the nerve supply and makes your symptoms worse. The purpose of the splint is to keep your wrist "straight" so that the tunnel is as open as possible. Sometimes a splint is all you need to completely recover. Problem solved!

    Go ahead and make that "O" again with your thumb and index finger. Now leave a slight gap where your fingers should be touching. When a surgeon performs a carpal tunnel release, he is simply cutting that ligament in half so that it relieves the pressure that has been squishing the nerve. He does not remove anything. He just opens up the space so that your nerve can "breathe" again. Easy peasy! You will usually have to take it easy for a few weeks, and maybe spend another few in therapy, but after that, you are as good as new!

    See? That's not so bad.

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    Source by Aleks Dukinas

    Views: 0