Tag: support

  • Gender Wars: Has The Time Come For Men And Women To Heal Their Emotional Wounds?

    Gender Wars: Has The Time Come For Men And Women To Heal Their Emotional Wounds?

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    When it comes to the mainstream culture, it is not uncommon for men to be put down and to be seen as the bane of the earth. This doesn't mean that women are not also seen as the problem, but this could be seen as something that takes place underground, to speak.
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    So, while there are plenty of newspapers and TV stations that are only too happy to paint all men as being a certain way; there are also plenty of websites and videos online that are happy to paint all women as being a certain way. It could then be said that it is socially acceptable to put men down but the same can't be said when it comes to putting women down, which is why this has to be done in a more covert manner.

    Plenty of Fuel

    It seems that not a day goes by when there isn't something in the mainstream media that doesn't add to the view that men are worthless human beings. Sometimes, something small will be used to prove this, while at others, it will be something that is far bigger.

    For example, when a woman in the public eye claims that she has been harassed by a man, not a lot of thought is given as to whether or not this actually took place. There are at least two reasons for this: firstly, women are often portrayed as innocent and pure and, secondly, all men are often portrayed as primitive beings that can't control their urges.

    The Accepted Narrative

    Thus, regardless of whether or not a man is actually guilty, he is going to be used to support the view that all men are the same. Clearly, if a man is found to be guilty the appropriate action should be taken, but, without the evidence that he has done anything wrong, it shouldn't be assumed that he has done anything wrong.

    The people in the media who support this view of men don't seem to care about the damage that something like this could do to an innocent man's life. It's as though a man deserves to have his whole life ruined, irrespective of if he has done anything wrong.

    Validation

    And, if a woman believes that are men are the same, it is going to be music to her ears to hear the mainstream media talk about men in this way. A woman like this may have been in a number of abusive relationships, for instance.

    Seeing a man go from a position of power to being destroyed is then going to be extremely satisfying. She probably won't have met this man, but seeing him go down will allow her to indirectly experience revenge.

    The Other Side

    When it comes to what is taking place away from the mainstream media, there is plenty of content that basically goes into how worthless women are. One of the main themes is that women can't be trusted and that if they find another guy who has more money / status, they will soon disappear.

    And, if a man has been in a relationship where the woman walked away or if he has found it hard to experience fulfilment in this area of ​​his life, for instance, he can be only too happy to hear other men say that women are useless and good for one thing. It will be as though they are enslaved to their biology, are heartless, and are not consciousness beings, unlike men who are in control of their urges, have a heart, and are aware.

    Letting of Steam

    Due to what a man has been through he will no doubt carry a lot of anger, anger that is likely to allow him to avoid feeling powerless and helpless, for instance. The experiences what he reads about online will end up enforcing what he already believes.

    This is then likely to create even more distance between him and women and make it even harder for him to experience fulfilment in this area of ​​his life. Even so, what this will do is allow him to be right, and this is one of the ego minds greatest needs – being wrong is seen as something that will lead to death.

    A Messy Situation

    There are then women who hate all men and men who hate all women, along with men who hate themselves and pedestalize women and women who hate themselves and pedestalize men. Therefore, even though it is not possible to say that it is only men who are under attack, it is undoubtedly more socially acceptable to attack men.

    If someone believes that all men / women are the same and is happy to see a man / woman suffer, it is likely to show that they are carrying a number of emotional wounds. If they were able to get in touch what how they feel below their anger and rage, they may find that they feel rejected, powerless, helpless and worthless, amongst other things.

    A Reactive Existence

    Being in touch with these feelings is then likely to cause them to feel incredibly vulnerable; whereas being in touch with the more surface level emotions (such as anger and rage) is likely to allow them to feel strong and powerful. But, while living in this way can allow them to feel strong and powerful, it is going to cause them to be controlled by how they feel.

    Not only this, it will stop them from being able to realize that not all men / women are the same and to see them as individuals. What they believe will define how they experience life, thereby stopping them from being able to experience anything that goes against what they believe.

    A Deeper Look

    When it comes to the emotional wounds that someone can carry, what has happened in their adult life is certainly going to play a part. Yet, what is likely to play an even bigger part is what took place during their early years, and what has been passed down from their ancestors can also play a part.

    What took place during their early years that can be what is defining how they perceive men / women and the kind of men / women women they will be attracted to and attract. If someone had a father or mother who was abusive, for instance, it would have most likely caused them to experience a lot of trauma, and, it would have laid down the foundations for them to be drawn to men / women who would also abuse them.

    Two Levels

    How they were treated at this stage of their life would have become familiar, and what is familiar is what is classed as safe to the ego mind / unconscious mind. The years would then have passed but they are still going to carrying the trauma of being violated and abused.

    It is then not going to matter what their conscious mind wants to experience, as their unconscious mind will want to experience what took place all those years ago. The trouble is that if someone is not aware of how their early years are affecting their adult life, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim and to blame all men / women.

    Self-Victimization

    If going within and working through emotional wounds was easy, it would be a part of everyone's life One of the biggest challenges to doing this type of work is that the mind disconnects from the body to avoid pain, which can result in someone's inner wounds being projected onto others.

    The people who they come into contact with will then press their buttons, so to speak, but they won't be able to see that these people are mirroring back what they need to resolve within their own being. Without this understanding, they can end up seeing themselves as a victim and other people as perpetrators.

    Conclusion

    If someone wants to grow and develop and no longer wants to feed into this drama, they may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to gradually work through their emotional wounds.

    But, if someone is caught up on their own stuff due to their current level of consciousness, there will be no reason for them to change. As a result of this, they will continue to live a reactive life and to play out their early drama.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • Entrepreneurship and Innovation: The Inconvenient Truth

    Entrepreneurship and Innovation: The Inconvenient Truth

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    Entrepreneurship and innovation: The popular belief

    Entrepreneurs are widely believed to be the agents behind economic growth and innovation. They are, we are told, the movers and shakers who create new industries, unseat current leaders from their thrones, and open new frontiers for everyone. Popular culture tirelessly propagates one success story after another – from Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, who was glorified in "The Social Network" movie, to Tesla's Elon Musk, an immigrant who became a household name, to Google's Sergey Brin, whose internet search engine name has officially become a verb in English.

    So persuasive is the narrative of the entrepreneurial technological prowess and success, that many countries – including developing countries that feel they are lagging behind – develop comprehensive policies to support and promote entrepreneurship and even set aside sizeable funds to invest in startups via government-run venture capital programs. But is this fascination with and belief in entrepreneurs justified? How likely are entrepreneurs to push the technological frontier and bring about the kind of change that governments want? Entrepreneurship Professor Sergey Anokhin from Kent State University says the hard evidence is far less convincing than the popular culture makes you believe.

    The dark side of entrepreneurship

    In a study of 35 countries over a 7-year period, Professor Anokhin from Kent State and Professor Joakim Wincent from Sweden's Lulea University of Technology show that there is no universally positive relationship between entrepreneurship and innovation. While for the world's leading economies such as the United States the positive link between startup rates and innovation may be true, for the developing economies the relationship is actually negative. Such countries are more likely to see innovation championed by the existing companies, not startups. With few exceptions, entrepreneurs there pursue opportunities of a different kind that are based on imitation and dissemination of others' ideas, and are not equipped to produce truly advanced "grand" innovations. On average, startups are less efficient than existing firms. Accordingly, if local governments support entrepreneurship, economic effectiveness may suffer, and innovation is less likely to occur. In fact, successful technological development in emerging economies is often associated with an aggressive entrepreneurial behavior of large corporations, not individual entrepreneurs. Such is the case, for instance, of South Korea with its chaebols .

    The figure below shows the vastly different impact of startup rates on innovation and technological development (as measured by patent applications) across countries. Only rich countries can expect more entrepreneurship to result in more innovation, says Dr. Anokhin. For the lesser developed countries, as the plot demonstrates, an increase in startup rates will only lead to less, not more innovative activities. The problem, according to Sergey Anokhin, is that developing countries often look up to the leading economies when trying to design their own policies. Moreover, quite naturally, the very textbooks that the students across the world use, are written by the scholars from the world's leading countries, and do not take developing economies' context into account. Taken together, it often locks policy makers in assuming the relationship between entrepreneurship and innovation that will not hold in their particular parts of the world. The pro-entrepreneurship policies will not bring about the effects expected, and the limited resources will be wasted to support activities that are largely detrimental.

    What it all means

    It is time to recognize that the relationship between entrepreneurship and innovation varies across countries, says Professor Anokhin. That is why World Economic Forum's Global Agenda Council for Fostering Entrepreneurship explicitly acknowledges that Silicon Valley success stories do not necessarily resonate in other parts of the world. Broad-strokes policies that aim at fostering entrepreneurship to boost country innovativeness may well be misguided. A contingency approach that takes regional specifics into account should be employed instead.

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    Source by Sergey Ahmetov

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  • Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About a Pain Doctor

    Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About a Pain Doctor

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    In all likeliness, you must have heard of the term ‘pain doctor’, otherwise also known as a pain specialist or even as a pain management specialist. Pain doctors help in managing pain and focus on pain medicine, which is all about preventing and treating different kinds of pain. Here are some of the things you need to know.

    What Are the Qualifications of a Pain Doctor?

    A pain doctor can be a medical doctor, also known as MD, or can be a doctor of osteopathy, specializing in pain medicine. Apart from treating pain-related disorders, they also treat symptoms that may have triggered pain. They also work with patients who have to deal with pain owing to a particular condition, such as post-operation related pain. In terms of services, many torment doctors have their clinics, where they offer comprehensive care for most pain-related conditions, or else, they may also work as consultants to healthcare providers and doctors. The role of pain doctors is an extensive one, where they offer counseling to patients, perform procedures as required, prescribe medicines and even offer emotional support. In a number of cases, where is caused due to a certain condition or diseases, the physician may refer the case to a pain management specialist, while keeping a check on the primary treatment. Apart from a medical degree, which is an obvious must, physicians are required to have a state license in the US.

    What Are the Areas of Specialization?

    torment management doctors can treat most conditions, not limited to back and neck torment, chronic torment, cancer torment, arthritis, reflex sympathetic dystrophy, pelvic torment, headaches, fibromyalgia, and orofacial torment. Many torment doctors are a part of different organizations, such as the American torment Society.

    How Are Patients Treated?

    Patients experience pain owing to a number of reasons, and therefore, the diagnosis and treatment also differs. Doctor usually suggest tests before starting off and may consider the family history of the patient, along with other relevant factors such as lifestyle and diet habits. Also, a detailed physical examination will be done to understand the pain conditions better. As for the treatments, the approach determines the next step. Some treatments are planned in a way that patients can live better, despite the pain, while others are more focused on reducing the extent of pain.

    Common Treatments:

    Pain doctors may use different kinds of treatments, such as injections in form of corticosteroids, and medications. Along with that, implantable devices such as stimulators are also used, besides physical therapy, surgery and trigger point injections. Lifestyle changes, meditation, hypnosis and relaxation are some of the other things that doctors may use to help a patient.

    If you are suffering from chronic pain, consider seeing a pain doctor or ask your primary healthcare physician to offer help. The idea is to start treatment early, which may help in dealing with the symptoms better, and yes, do follow your doctor’s instructions for movements, actions and other things, especially if certain lifestyle changes can reduce your pain considerably.

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    Source by Hampry Gomes

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  • Two Relationship Killers

    Two Relationship Killers

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    Consider a primary relationship in your life where you love someone and they love you. This could be an intimate partnership, a child-parent relationship or a very close friendship. Here are the two things to avoid, if you want to make sure love is present at all times.

    Relationship killer #1:

    Firstly, you should never expect that because someone loves you, they need to sacrifice themselves for you and put your needs first. We often mistakenly think that the degree to which someone suffers is a testimony for the amount of love they have for us. Likewise, we mistakenly believe that if someone puts their needs first, they don’t love us. But that is not true at all. If I refuse to sacrifice myself for you, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It simply means I am clear on what works for me and what doesn’t, and I don’t mess with my own needs. Please don’t take this personal. I love you nonetheless, but I certainly don’t have to suffer in order to prove my love for you. Besides, if you doubt it, chances are no matter how much I suffer, you will never believe me anyway. Get this: your partner having fun while you are in hardship doesn’t mean they don’t love you. The people who love you don’t owe you any suffering on their part whenever things are not working out for you. So don’t be jealous when your loved one is out with friends while you are working hard or cooking alone at home. No one needs to put their own life on hold only because yours is (even when they truly love you!). Of course, you can ask for support. That’s perfectly reasonable. But asking someone to sacrifice themselves and to suffer so you can feel loved – that is totally unreasonable. And it is a sure relationship killer.

    Relationship killer #2:

    The other way to kill a relationship is by trying to prove your love for someone by sacrificing your own needs and suffering as a consequence. See, whenever you suffer, there is no real love to speak of. If you were doing something for someone because you wanted to and because you loved them unconditionally, you wouldn’t be suffering. But if you sacrifice yourself out of obligation and/or guilt, the unconditional love is gone and you are likely to expect something in return. In other words, you try to manipulate someone into loving you back by doing things for them which they then have to repay you for. Sadly enough, you are playing a game thinking you can control someone else’s feelings and buy their love. Of course, the result is just the opposite – you are slowly but surely killing the relationship. So stop that immediately by starting to put yourself and your needs first. Find your own truth and start honoring it. Understand that you are allowed to have a good time without feeling guilty when your partner does not want to or cannot participate. Of course, you can support them when they are feeling low. But you don’t have to suffer with them or else you will become resentful and kill the relationship as a result.

    In conclusion:

    • Love should be free – no attachments, no suffering, no trading of favors, and no feelings of obligation and guilt.
    • Love should be independent – I love you and I put myself first; you love me and you put yourself first; we love each other and we honor our independent needs nonetheless.
    • Love should be by choice – I love you how I want to, not how I feel have to.

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    Source by Vyara Bridgeman

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  • Drug Use – Advantages and Disadvantages

    Drug Use – Advantages and Disadvantages

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    Rampant, often unchecked use of drugs is a malaise that has been plaguing our society, and especially our younger generation for quite some time. It has grown quickly from a psychological bad malaise, a bad habit to a dangerous social evil, and in many countries, invite strict punitive action. Countries across the world try to combat this evil using combination’s of public awareness regarding the evils of drug use, severe clampdowns on drug usage/trafficking and penal impositions. However, this is still not enough as drug trafficking has proliferated across social strata, and is not limited to isolated groups of the society. So why exactly is drug usage considered to be one of the most debilitating and potentially dangerous of social evils?

    One of the most primary reasons why consumption and business dealings on drugs are declared illegal internationally is because of the tremendous damage they cause to the human body. Drugs usually are of two kinds, and act as general nervous stimulants that can almost supercharge the brain and the nervous system for brief amounts of time. For that amount of time, the user has no sense of personal identity and this phase is usually described as a phase of euphoric detachment, while the user loses common consciousness. However, this effect is fleeting and does not last long. Drug-induced euphoria lasts for a very short time, usually culminating in sever hangovers and strains on the human body, which might manifest in physical and psychological reactions.

    Drugs are generally hallucinogenic compounds that are primarily of two types, Organic and inorganic. Organic drugs are usually extracted from plants, and processed and consumed usually by burning them like tobacco. Inorganic compounds are much more difficult to obtain, as they are manufactured in pharmaceutical laboratories and are generally available in the form of tablets, pills and fluid solutions. Scientific studies have actually revealed that inorganic drugs/narcotic agents are more life-threatening and potentially debilitating in nature than their organic counterparts, even though prolonged drug use of either could result in serious consequences.

    It might be said that drug use is actually dependent on more than one conditions and criterion. There are, in reality, numerous reasons that increase the usage of drugs within a particular demographic cross-section. These reasons could range from social, psychological, economical or just out of biological dependency. One reason why sustained usage of drug is deemed so dangerous to life and health is that it creates a sense of dependency within the user, who feels habituated by the use of drugs. Irrespective of the original stimulus, the consumption of drug becomes the primary objective in these cases, and the user often goes to extreme lengths to maintain the habit of drug use.

    Presently, there are widespread efforts to contain if not eradicate drug use within a particular section of the society through governmental as well as non-governmental/individual efforts. General awareness, support groups, supportive rehabilitation centers and clinics that help drug abusers have now become popular, and much sought after to help individuals kick this habit.

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    Source by Efti Babu

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  • Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

    Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

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    Abstract:

    Putting on a good show, keeping face, professionalism in customer treatment can all be examples of emotional labour. When in the workplace dealing with others whether they be colleagues or customers we tend to give a positive emotional response despite the negativity of the other person (customer complaint) or our own current mood state (sadness, irritability) known as emotional dissonance. In this paper we will explore the phenomenon of emotional labour and its effect on workers productivity and social relations. The general outcome being that the strain of that dissonance creates mental health problems in the workplace.

    Introduction:

    Emotional labour can be seen as the affect of the current mood of a worker whilst engaging in interactions with others – putting on a good face for example despite feeling emotionally uncomfortable. (1. Robins/Judge 2013) These emotions can be driven by organisational expectations of an employees behaviour towards customers, clients and co-workers in support of the business goals to profit. For example in the service industry, customer complaints should be handled with a polite professional smiling attitude so that the customer perceives that their complaints are receiving serious attention. Despite the fact the service provider (customer relations officer) maybe be in a personal bad mood, have life problems or employment concerns – all this is swept aside to provide the company’s public positive image to the customer. For the employee engaged in such activities the strain of appearing positive and enthusiastic may cause both physical and emotional strain often leading to further deterioration in mood after work and in between assignments. You could argue that a good deal of the time we are in fact faking our emotions (feelings) in front of and towards others to support social conventions for example being polite. If a customer’s complaint is unreasonable, they are showing anger, accusing the company or misleading them and selling shoddy products – the company service support worker must maintain control over their own emotions despite feeling that the customer is wrong and the complaint is unwarranted or even ridiculous they still have to maintain the company driven reaction to the customer with calm professionalism. (2. Myler – Case Studies 2018) Some companies make being happy at work almost mandatory – where staff entertain, create an atmosphere or encourage excitement over the product and its associated feelings of happiness. For example, theme park staff forced to smile all day – try it yourself – it is very stressful to keep a happy demeanor in the face of disgruntled visitors waiting hours in a queue for a five minute ride or the phone shop worker being asked to entertain the queue of waiting customers with hi-fives and silly games. (3. Grandey et.al. 2010) Many customers in fact reporting discomfort at being targeted for unwanted attention and interaction). Therefore there is a difference between felt emotions (what I am actually thinking and feeling) than with displayed emotions (what is expected of me). After an interaction the employee can feel both exhausted by the forced situation and emotionally angry at faking their feelings for the benefit of others. Many people who suffer from depression report that faking happiness is the biggest strain of the day.

    Culture and Emotional Labour

    Culture may impact on how someone sees emotional labour as the expectations of others in the light of social comparison. (4. Matsumoto etal. 2009) For example many American service jobs, such as retail staff, service providers and customer interaction workers all feel that a positive upbeat smiling enthusiastic person is a definite requirement for the companies image management. The monocor – have a nice day – often rings false in the ears of those who understand this is not a genuine sentiment but a practiced social grace. In other cultures such as Japan or Asia in general – forced politeness or deference to not displaying emotions may in fact cause particular strain on everyday life where displaced emotion can be seen in acts of violence and sexual deviance. The French tend to not display openness in dealing with customers but in fact a non-smiling or even impolite attitudes towards their clients. This can cause companies dealing in global markets problems with staff in having to adapt and understand policy in line with the cultural underlying expectations of behaviour.

    Mental Health

    Many psychologists, counsellors and others such as nurses encounter patients (clients) who maybe presenting mental health problems such as anxiety (worry about future events) or depression (living with the past) that report difficulties in the work place in faking their emotions towards both colleagues and customers – that they feel the strain of the day at home later through irritability, sexual indifference a lack of appetite and sleep. Keeping up appearances at work therefore effects the very quality of our lives both in and out of the work place. (5. Myler Case Studies 2018) Dealing with difficult people whether customers or colleagues leaves us feeling exhausted physically and mentally. In therapy the psychologist maybe searching for psycho-dynamic reasons for the negative feelings from past patterns of behaviour and often miss the power of the here and now effect of faking your feelings at work simply due to enforced company policies that require us to present an image of well- being and happiness that actually is not there. Treatment therefore should focus on workplace stress rather than personal history.

    Role Play & Emotional Labour:

    Of course we are schooled from an early age in how to act given certain social situations, for example being happy at a birthday party ( don’t spoil it for everyone) to look sad at the funeral (even when we did not even like the deceased). We have learned behavior for situational displays of affect. Have you ever been told off – criticised – looked at the person with a smile on your face – and they say, “what are you smiling at?” they think you are not taking them seriously enough, acknowledging their concerns – the truth maybe that we think their remarks are unwarranted and silly – however our learned correct response is to – look serious and be intently listening – while all the time inside feeling what an idiot this person is! In other words we are often asked to fake it – for the sake of the other persons feelings – this is often seen as high empathy when in fact it is more often just a learned reaction to a situational event. Emotional intelligence is seen a as a panacea for management effectiveness but maybe little more than learned responses to situations, rather than a genuine cognitive response to some event. In other words emotional intelligence maybe more pop psychology than a fact. Measurement for emotional understanding may reflect no more about the learned response to given situations we have come to understand through cultural, generational and traditional customs of our community or group behaviour. Psychometric tests for emotional intelligence may in fact be invalid and not robust enough to provide any useful measure of a persons feelings towards others but in fact reflect that learned behaviour – what should be the response not what I actually feel inside.

    Attributions Theory – Misunderstanding Others:

    Attribution theory ( 6. Heider – 1958) suggests that we attend to what we see more than what we know. In other words – we do in fact judge a book by its cover. So if we are busy faking our emotions so must everyone else? So how do we know that the mood being displayed to us is genuine or faked. We pride ourselves on being able to know others feeling by their facial expressions, there seemingly genuineness and authentic sounding responses. In fact much of the time we maybe reacting to the faked emotion rather than the real one. We are often surprised to hear someone committed suicide – we may say – they always seemed so positive and happy looking – but that is exactly what a mis-attribution is – the lack of skills to identify a real emotion from a faked one – we are actually quite good at emotional labour at work and so do we really know what anyone is actually feeling, as opposed to what they are displaying to us. So the helpful shop assistant may in fact be bored rigid at having to seem enthusiastic about a product she has already spoken about ten times that day already.

    In Summery:

    Emotional labour is a situation where the employee expresses the companies desired response to a given situation. Emotional dissonance are our feeling of confusion between our internal feelings and the face we put upon the situation given company policy towards others. Felt emotions therefore being what we actually feel as opposed to displayed emotion being the faked response to another person. Finally emotional intelligence being no more than learned responses to events as we behave given the situation we find ourselves in. The consequences of faked emotions can be strain leading to emotional exhaustion that has both physical and emotional outcomes for mental health and general well-being. Judging others may in fact lead to mis-attributions where we think the faked emotion is in fact the real feelings of the other party.

    To be honest, open and authentic would be real intimacy in our relationships but carries the high risk of rejection and misunderstandings.

    References:

    1. Robins S.P. Judge T.A. 2013 – Organizational Behavior 15Ed Pearson Publishing

    2. Myler S.F. 2018 – Myler Case Studies 2018/19 Unpublished

    3. Grandey A. et.al. 2010 – Work in the Global Services Economy – Journal of Service Management.

    4. Matsumoto D. 2009 – Culture & Emotional Expression – New York, Taylor & Francis publishing.

    5. Myler S. F. 2019 – Myler Case Studies 2019 Unpublished

    6. Heider F 1958 – Attribution Theory – Oxford Dictionary of Psychology 2001

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    Source by Stephen F. Myler

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  • The Marital Adjustment Deduction

    The Marital Adjustment Deduction

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    Marriage is a blessing, but it always comes with challenges. Money can be a touchy subject if you don’t see eye to eye about saving and spending, and if you’re in debt, things can get pretty stressful. If your debt has grown to the point where you’ve decided to file bankruptcy, you’ll need to work together as a team to make a new start. While most couples decide to file together, if the partners have significantly different incomes or debts, it may be best for just one person to file a Chapter 7. How you decide to file will determine which of your income and property will be included in the Means Test. In order to give you the best financial outcome and protect your assets, we’ll use the marital adjustment deduction.

    The Basics

    Filing bankruptcy isn’t just about discharging your debts; it’s also important to do everything possible to protect the property and assets you’ve worked so hard to acquire. When only one spouse files bankruptcy, we can deduct some of the non-filing spouse’s income that is used to cover his or her individual expenses. We can deduct their cell phone, club memberships, business expenses, and entertainment. Additionally, any debts that are in their name alone will not be included in your case. This could be student loans, credit cards, car loans, insurance, or a mortgage that is solely in their name. Child support for their own children who do not live with you, as well as alimony they pay, will not be included in your case.You can also split up expenses that you share, such as utilities or a joint mortgage, and deduct their portion. The goal of all of this is to lower the total income that we use for the Means Test, which could mean the difference between a Chapter 7 or Chapter 13.

    Squared Away Paperwork

    As you utilize the standard and marital adjustment deductions, you will provide documentation to the court so that they can easily review your case. Documents should be organized and clear, showing who is responsible for which debts and expenses, giving the court no reason to disallow any of our desired exemptions. There will be no cause for concerns that your case will be dismissed or the trustee would even suspect Bankruptcy Fraud.

    Finding an attorney who can help file all the paper work and know your case will take some of the stress out of filing and hopefully bring some joy back to your marriage.

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    Source by W. George Senft

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  • The Year Our Marriage Grew

    The Year Our Marriage Grew

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    AT around our tenth wedding anniversary, we had a realisation.

    The realisation we had was this: despite all the quality marriage counselling we had received from our wonderfully gifted and skilled marriage counsellor early on, we were, at that time, still not enjoying satisfaction.

    We now knew the principles, but now we had to apply them. Knowledge of principles provides no satisfaction, only application provides satisfaction.

    The year our marriage grew coincided with application. Instead of believing in concepts and talking about them, we decided to commit to working the concepts out in our marriage. This inevitably meant adapting the marital wisdom we had learned so it worked for our unique coupling, for our inimitable family structure.

    We had had twenty counselling sessions, and I think our counsellor was at pains to say, ‘Go and do what we’ve been talking about; what I’ve been showing you’… initially it even got worse. It had nothing to do with the standard of our counsel – it was like growing pains in our marriage. Things tend to get worse before they get better.

    Inevitably, we as partners had to learn to commit to each other in ways we had never thought we would need to. Our covenant to each other was solid, but we now had to commit to love this other person in ways that worked for them, not simply ourselves. Without even recognising it at the time, we began to accept each other like we had never done before. That is true love: unconditional acceptance at the deepest level. And it takes time.

    The year our marriage grew was Year 4. Indeed, the previous three simply proved our commitment to each other. We hadn’t torn each other apart. But there were some horrible experiences. Whilst those first three years were unbelievably tough, they set us up as we pressed on into the hard work required in finding our way into the space of marital peace (which is punctuated with conflict that is managed well in the main).

    My wife and I are believers in marriage; that marriage is not only wonderful but hard work. We believe, as we experienced, that counselling works; but not only that, there’s a limit to what counselling can do. I say that as someone who gives marital counsel.

    It must be applied. There needs to be a time where a couple weighs anchor and begins the work of reconciling the problems on the high seas of their marriage. It can take years, but don’t be despondent. You learn to survive when it’s just you and your spouse. Sure, we all need tune-ups, prayer and support, but others’ help is limited.

    This is what we learned: marriage seems best when the foibles of one are acceptable to the other. What seems like an easy concept can demand years of work to arrive at.

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    Source by Steve Wickham

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  • Telecommuting: How It Supports A Green Lifestyle

    Telecommuting: How It Supports A Green Lifestyle

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    These days people are more interested in saving time energy, and ways to make their lives easier and more productive all at once.Our world is changing fast and sometimes it is hard to keep up.

    Being a Baby boomer in a world filled with so many technical challenges to learn and keep up with can be a little intimidating. It is important though to familiarize yourself and try to keep up to date with how to stay connected without losing yourself in the mix. But working from home has improved my overall attitude about work, and has helped me to be more productive, and creative while at the same time helping to do my part in working towards a Greener way of living.

    How I am benefiting from working at home

    First I am saving money on gas every week! And although the price of gas has gone down, I am taking that money that I saved, and putting it towards investing in my business. I choose my own hours to work and by working in blocks of time, I can manage to get many things accomplished in an allotted amount of time, and also take breaks and a walk or do some yoga stretches in between.

    Eating a healthy meal through the day is important to me being vegan, and health conscious of what I am feeding my body as well as my mind. I can eat at leisure setting a block of time, just for eating as well as for breaks and I still get everything accomplished in an efficient and timely manner. Still being professional and at the same time taking good care of myself, so I can work at my optimum best.

    Telecommuting can ease the stress of having to commute back and forth to work in bad weather. It will definitely save some wear and tear on your vehicle and tires and save the time it would take to get back and forth from work. It can also save you money on dry cleaning costs!

    Another great reason to work from home and help support a green lifestyle, because dry cleaning uses Perchloroethylene, a toxic chemical that is very harmful to our environment, and if you are concerned with helping reduce toxins you can look up where to find a green dry cleaner in your area instead.

    Working from home enables you to work for longer periods and more comfortably by being in surroundings that are stress-free and conducive to your overall benefit. Create a workspace free of clutter. Make sure you have some water to keep hydrated. Have all of the tools and implements you may need close by to help you work efficiently, and so you do not have to keep getting up and down. Turn off all distractions unless some soft music in the background helps. And enjoy creating those masterpieces!

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    Source by Debbie Frye

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  • The Difference Between Good Success and Bad Success

    The Difference Between Good Success and Bad Success

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    Do you desire to be a good success here on this beautiful earth?

    Do you need the secrets that can ensure you record good successes in everything you do?

    If you answer YES to these questions, then i believe you need to know the difference between good successes and bad successes

    “This book of the Law shall not depart out

    of your mouth, but you shall mediate therein

    day and night that you may observe to do

    according to all that is written therein: for

    then you shall make your way prosperous,

    and then you shall have good success” – Joshua 1: 8 (KJ2000).

    The first time I read the above portion of the bible, I was inspired to understand that, there is a good success and a bad success.

    Nothing support this fact other than the passage quoted above from the Scripture. The Word of God says if “you will hearken to the Voice of God, Obey His Commandments, Study and Meditate daily on His Word, you will have good success”.

    The Word of God qualifies the noun “Success” with the adjective “good”. This simply means you will not have a bad success if you follow God’s rules during your success journey in life.

    What then, are a good success and a bad success? How do you differentiate a good success from a bad success? How do you recognize someone with a bad success and someone with a good success?

    Good Success

    I have tried to carefully study the lives of people in the bible days and those of present times and I found out that there are actually some people with good successes.

    I was able to reach a conclusion using my definition of success stated earlier on as a basis of analysis.

    God

    God Almighty enjoyed good success during the creation of heaven and the earth. He actually set the pace at creation, showing us how to obtain good successes in whatever we do.

    “And God saw everything that He had

    made, and behold, it was very good.

    And the evening and the morning were

    the sixth day.

    -Gen 1:31 (KJ2000)

    There were lots of obstacles which stared HIM in the face when HE was creating heaven and the earth but HE never allowed them to stop HIM.

    “And the earth was without form and void and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters”

    -Gen 1:2 (KJ2000)

    Yes, even a formless earth and the darkness would not prevent Him from achieving His aim.

    “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:

    and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,

    and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

    -Gen 1:26 (KJ2000)

    He also transferred His “breath of Life” into Adam for him (Adam) to become a living soul.

    What a loving and selfless God who strongly desired somebody to act like Him

    There are countless numbers of people in the Bible who had good successes: Jesus, Moses, Apostle Paul, King David, Joseph, John the Baptist, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob all had good successes.

    One thing is however, common with all these people and that is the fact that they fear God.

    “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom:

    and the knowledge of the Holy one is understanding.

    -Prov 1:10 (KJ2000).

    You can become a child of God by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior and begin to live a life that has the fear of God.

    You can expect to record good number of good successes in your lifetime as you do this.

    Bad Success

    I may not need to bother you with the stories of people who recorded bad successes in the Bible or even in our societies today but you will observe with me that this set of people also have something in common – they lived a Godless life.

    You can study the stories of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt when the Israelites were in bondage in Egypt.

    Cain who killed his brother Abel (Gen 4:8)

    Herod the king who ordered the killing of all new born babies when Jesus was born (matt 2:13-23)

    Satan who fell from grace to grass because of pride (Luke 10:18)

    Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus ( Matt 26:36-46)

    These People all recorded bad successes. One thing is also common to these people: they lacked the fear of God.

    My dear reader, I want to believe you desire to be a good success. You need the fear of God in you to be successful in all you do.

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    Source by Sesan Oguntade

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