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  • When Your Husband Leaves You Without Any Warning

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    I often get correspondence from wives who are now living alone but who never saw this coming. Generally, they will come home from work or from running errands one day and find that their husband has left them. Or, the husband will abruptly pack his bags and announce that the marriage is no longer working for him and he thinks that he might “want out.” However this plays out, often the wife will tell me that she had no real warning and that this was very much an abrupt and unwelcome surprise.

    I often hear things like “I can’t believe he left me. I never really saw this coming. I knew we had issues, but every married couple has issues. I just can’t believe that he would leave me without ever trying to work things out. And, I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t want a divorce. I want him to come back home, but I’m so angry that he didn’t try to approach me first that I don’t even know how to approach him. What should I do?”

    The answer to this question is going to depend upon the circumstances and the people involved. But, it will often help to deal directly with the real situation that is in front of you, rather than trying to deal with the situation that you envision or hope exists. I will discuss this more in the following article.

    Don’t Focus Only On The Fact That You Had No Warning When He Left. Focus On What To Do Now And Where To Go From Here: It’s completely normal to be floored by the fact that one morning you woke up with a husband living at home, but by evening you were alone without any warning. This is an abrupt blow that can be devastating. But, because it can be important to act quickly, you will often have to make a conscious decision not to focus on the way in which this happened.

    Yes, your husband could most certainly have handled this in a different and preferable way, but neither of you can change that now. There’s a real risk in allowing your reaction to how he handled this to interfere with how you act toward him in the present. It can really help to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is in this situation. Some women will just want to handle themselves with dignity and grace while coping and moving on in the best way that they know how.

    Others will decide that their primary goal is to get their husband to come back home as quickly as possible. Often, what will help with one of these goals will also help with the other. No matter what you decide that you ultimately want, it’s my experience that you will often have an easier time getting it if you focus on what is right in front of you rather than the manner in which it happened. Yes, being blindsided is very painful and shocking, but it can hurt rather than help the situation to dwell on this rather than taking action.

    Evaluating What Is Going To Most Improve Your Situation: Once you’ve decided where you want to go from here, it’s important to step back and to try to take the emotion out of it to come up with the strategy that is most likely to get you what you want. It’s so easy to lash out, feel resentful, and to feel sorry for yourself. But these things usually won’t get you any closer to what you want. In fact, allowing your feelings to run your actions will often keep you from getting what you want.

    Debating with your husband, arguing with him, or lashing out will often push him even further away and just make you more upset with your situation. It’s usually better, at least in my experience and observation, to try as best as you can to limit yourself to the actions that strengthen you and allow you to feel in control rather than to surrender to those feelings or actions that are natural (and may relieve some tension) but which will only make the situation worse.

    It’s usually when you can somewhat rise above this and handle yourself with strength and calm that you will often begin to gain some ground. I absolutely know that this can be difficult. Sometimes, you might need to wait to interact with your husband until you can actually be calm. This may not be possible in the very beginning. But it can really help to always keep in mind your ultimate goal so that you don’t lose control of your strategy.

    Interacting With Your Husband During This Difficult Situation: It’s probably fair to say that there will come a time when you will need to communicate with your husband about where your marriage is going from here. Whether it’s fair or not, your husband has sent a clear message by leaving. Now, it’s up to you as to how you are going to reply to that message. But, before you do, define how you ultimately want for this to turn out. If you could put aside the shock, the hurt, and the fear, what is your greatest wish right now? The answer to this question is what you must place your focus upon.

    Because I would argue that no matter what your ultimate goal is, you’ll usually get closer to it by trying to interact with him in a positive way. Even if you are ultimately going to end the marriage, this was an important relationship in your life and it will likely help you going forward if you can keep this as positive as you can. If you want to save the marriage, improving your relationship and communications going forward will go a long way toward helping you to eventually save your marriage.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your husband that although you’re devastated that he would leave you without warning, you would like to interact with him in a positive way going forward. Since the two of you were once the most important people in one another’s lives (and may well still be) it just doesn’t make sense to allow for one negative action to turn into something that is even worse. He may not be all that receptive to this at first, but when he sees that you’re not reacting as he anticipated and are working with him rather than against him, you will sometimes be able to slowly rebuild with time. This is often true even if you are not 100% sure how you want to approach him right now.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Health Is Wealth – A Conceptual Critique

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    People have different preferences towards available life options. Same is true for the statement “health is wealth”. What exactly is it? A simple preference that signifies health is superior to wealth? Or a comprehensive statement that indicates health and wealth are linked with each other, systematically and dynamically?

    Health is a comprehensive concept, it includes physical strength, mental power and spiritual-wellness of a person. On the other hand, wealth is the richness of a person i.e. abundance of money and worldly items. “Health is Wealth” is a simple statement but its meaning is so fabulous when deeply thought. People now a days refer the statement as when a person is healthy, he is capable of making wealth. On the contrary, if one is not healthy he/she cannot work productively, and hence won’t be able to generate income for independent living. This explanation is true but the deep meaning of this claim can be understood by the words of Virgil: “The greatest wealth is health.” Mr. Virgil is trying to enlighten the concept that the greatest wealth is health, not money or worldly items. There is nothing more valuable in our life than having a good health.

    Patrick Meagher said: “Some people are so poor, all they have is money.” Nowadays people are influenced by wealth improperly that they don’t even care about their health, the greatest wealth. They don’t understand that without health there is no real happiness and enviable success. A person with poor health is unable to enjoy the pleasures of life. I think such people are foolish enough because they do not care about their health. Our first priority should be to maintain our health in the best way.

    There are multiple methods and practices by which a person can stay healthy; Spending time in natural environment i.e. visiting parks and gardens. Physical exercise is also essential e.g. morning walks, playing sports, etc., it keeps a person smart and healthy. Water is the cure for all types of illness, so drink water to stay healthy and fit. Eating a balanced diet keeps people away from different illness and diseases. It is said that: “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Abandon unhealthy practices and habits e.g. smoking, drinking and taking drugs because it harms internal parts of our body. Always be optimistic and cheerful because: “Laughter/smile is the best medicine.” On the contrary, an unhappy person is more prone to fatigue and other illness.

    Remember, living a healthy life can be the greatest gift you can give yourself because one cannot enjoy life if he/she is unhealthy. In addition, we must not harm our health by running madly behind wealth. I would like to conclude my essay on the nice words of Mae West: “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

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    Source by Muhammad Ashhar

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  • Marital Discord in Astrology

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    People normally say that a marriage has been settled in haven and is performed at the earth. It is seen that a married person is leading a very peaceful, prosper and comfortable life, but many are such who are weeping over married life and consequent upon this tension. All these are because of mismatch and adverse compatibility.

    Marital discord is a universal problem all over the world. The reasons can be many including the economical, lack of physical and psychological compatibility, extra-marital relationships, aggressive attitudes, selfish nature, over ambitions etc.

    Astrology can accurately reveal the ins and outs of human life, and therefore, can advice beneficially. Definitely, it has immense value, for astrology can give true guidance and advice regarding one’s marriage.

     

    Basic Factors Responsible for Marital Discord

     

    ·       Strength of ascendant

     

    ·       Moon—revels the desires of human mind

     

    ·       Venus—revels sexual appetite, love, desire, and happiness

     

    ·       Mars—assists in strengthening the sexual instincts in the ease of marriage or to help to establish sexual relationship.

     

    ·       Jupiter—significator of husbands for women

     

    ·       Sun/Saturn/Rahu— fiery, separative in nature

     

    ·       2nd house—denotes family

     

    ·       5th house — love affairs and marriage following intercourse

     

    ·       7th house— stands for love and matrimony,

     

    Wife/husband/law suits, partnerships.

     

     Different Combination for Marital Discord

    ·       Weakness of 2nd /7th houses because of planets present in the house or the lords of house are

     

    1.   Malefic in nature

     

    2.   Inauspicious placement of lords

     

    3.   Combust

     

    4.   Debilitated

     

    5.   Are in infancy or old -age state

     

    6.   Afflicted by functional malefic nodes [Rahu/Ketu]

     

    7.   Sandwiched between malefic planets

     

    ·       2nd /7th houses or their lords afflicted by the separative planet like Sun/Saturn/Rahu.

     

    ·       6/8 placement of 1st/7th lords—separation/divorce/break of agreement.

     

    ·       If lords of 1st/ 7th/2nd and Venus are occupying unfavourable houses/combust/debilitated/in enemy sign misfortune will happen after marriage.

     

    ·       Venus and Mercury in 7th house make a person of loose morals and drag to have extra marital relations.

     

    ·       Mars when debilitated and forming relationship with 1st/7th houses or their lords, make the person aggressive and ill tempered.

     

    ·       Node or Rahu/Ketu joining closely Mars makes native/spouse stray and that becomes the reasons for the discord.

     

    ·       The ascendant/Moon of husband/wife in inimical signs sows the seeds of inharmonious relations.

     

    ·       Afflicted or weak Jupiter shows selfish nature of married partner.

     

    ·       6/8 placement of Venus and Moon denotes disputes in love and marriage.

     

    ·       Aspect of at least two retrograde planets on 1st/7th houses/lords.

     

    ·       Saturn and Rahu/Mars and Rahu/Sun and Mars combinations afflicts 1st/7th denotes disputes and discords.

     

    ·       8th/12th lords occupy 3rd house, and 7th house with nods/malefic planets, divorce or separation takes place. 

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    Source by Geeta Jha

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  • Living Alone with Hemiparesis

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    Safety would be the primary concern of course when people with hemiparesis live alone or are alone for extended amounts of time. Of course your first references are your doctor, physical therapist and occupational therapists especially. This being stated, I can offer insights on some important items to consider in practical aspects of living alone after a traumatic brain injury or a stroke that result in a severe muscle weakness along the left or right side of the body and is sometimes exhibited in slight nerve damage as with me. Perhaps instead of living by them selves, it would be better to consider us living independently. At this writing, I will have reached almost thirty years of living with hemiparesis. Most of this time I was living alone and working as an engineer and writer, author.

    For us, the detrimental effects of hemiparesis are still prevalent even after initial rehabilitation and limited recovery. The effects can change with extreme variation.

    Effects When Tired or Awoken

    When the body is tired, effects can be worse and certainly more dangerous when living alone. An example is if awoken in the night, maybe by thirst, a call, or other concern. Even a healthy person could possibly stumble on sleepy legs or with eyes half open, but for those with left or right hemiparesis, the negative effects are magnified. A stumble can turn into a fall and possibly a head injury since one arm has poor strength, does not react quickly and is not likely to stop a fall. If a foot drags slightly during the day with shoes, then it can be so much worse at night even so unsafe that the person will roll over the toes so as to bruise them and fall forward on the weak side. Lessons learned here emphasize the need for uncluttered floors and hallways. A stray shoe on the floor or even newspaper can prove disastrous. Either could throw off the balance suddenly for a waking person especially in the dark.

    This brings up a suggestion for low level lighting in the home or apartment. Economical battery operated motion detector lights are available at many stores now or a search online. Even if a cane is not needed during the day; it would be wise to have a cane near the bed, even a quad cane for late night awakenings or an early morning rising. In the morning, there are other issues as tightened up leg muscles that need stretching before safely moving.

    Shower and Bathroom Safety

    Morning stretching is important, especially as we who are injured age but more importantly, shower safety needs to be addressed. There is much assistive devices available and occupational therapists can communicate effectively the needs here, however I can give you my thoughts. These are that it can be quite scary at times, especially if you have had an accident, falling in the shower, tub or bathroom before. You will need to be able to have something within reach on your good side to grab onto, basically at all times. Please note that if you can’t use the screwed in support rails and use the bars with suction cups, you really need at least two bars together. Redundant support as these are known t slip and when you have water or soap in your eyes and reach out with the bar slipping, it can be devastating. I would recommend having a bar on the entry or exit and on the opposite side. This way if a person with hemiparesis turns around there is always a bar on the good side.

    But it does not stop there. Bathroom floors are usually smooth surfaces and with one foot having no or minimal grab, then any water on a smooth tile or marble surface is like ice and can easily cause a fall when drying. Rubber backed rugs are most often used but can bunch up under feet. A work around solution for these throw rugs is rubber strips with adhesive on both sides. The local hardware store will have some rug grippers or search the web

    Dressing

    This is an area again where an occupational therapist assures you are prepared with any assistive devices for reaching around the weak side or fastening in back and collar. However, I can emphasize that so much more time needs to be available, just in case. Even though, there are assistive devices and there is ample training in doing this usually available before even leaving the hospital.

    Food Preparation, Cooking Kitchen Safety

    One’s ability to prepare meals will vary. I understand it’s good to be independent but in the kitchen it just may be smarter to minimize preparation with knives or stovetop. Even the oven can cause burns and fire easily. Having a cardboard pizza box fall onto a hot broiler iron can start a fire that is not too easy for someone with a disability to put out quickly. Sure there are now small convenient fire extinguishers available but some often need two good hands to operate correctly and then even finding it quickly can be an issue for trauma, brain injury or stroke victims.

    Fortunately, there has been an improvement In microwave dinners. This certainly would not be your first option in the past. However, I have been at this for almost thirty years now and I really have seen a great variety come on the market and costs go down. Good, healthy dinners can be cooked in one minute. I still bake chicken and pizze plus a few others but safety really needs to bethe forst priority. Losing balance and reaching out to find as hot frying pan to lean on can happen and I have personal experience, it’s not a quick heal having a burn in the palm of your good hand. Agsin here as in the bathroom, a rug with rubber backing and rug grabbers should be required.

    Mind Body Health Needs

    Concentration and Focus are the key in most everything that the person with hemiparesis might have to overcome. That is why ongoing brain training is so important.

    Human interaction, relationships contribute greatly to complex usage of our brain and even helping to stay young. Well living alone minimizes this benefit ad over time can have an adverse effect. Sure, some will say the upward potential may be limited but start with the objective of not losing ability. Without regular exercise, mind or body can atrophy to borrow a term used to describe not using muscles.

    There are free and paid sources on the web. There are now brain improvement magazines at the local supermarket and brain games are popular and effective, most even for one hand use.

    Geographic Area Specific Issues

    Depending on your locality, power outages can occur during natural events mostly as snow or ice storms, hurricanes, tornadoes. When living on the eastern coast, I lost power even when their was a high windstorm. Natural events as this can have an impact on people living with hemiparesis just as they do for others with a disability, elderly or families in general. However preparedness is the key here and living alone increases importance of having battery lighting, food, water, cell phone, radio, all available and easily attainable in possibly in the dark.

    The power loss may be worse in cold weather for this condition as detrimental effects can disable some people with this extreme muscle weakness and possibly nerve damage. This varies of course depending on person or injury but in general arms and legs can start shaking uncontrollably and a serious limitation to mobility. Poor effects are also exhibit in sudden changes of weather. Each person may experience this differently but a check with your physician is best.

    To assist in times as these, warm clothing, even a safe generator where it can be installed in a home as a backup are suggestions with heat packs available at sporting good stores or camping supply shop.

    Summary

    Some of the techniques and tips outlined here may seem obvious to some or simple but they are not always thought of ahead of time before they are used. This is evident in support forums online, knowing individuals and my own thirty years of living with hemiparesis. There are of course more but in general, consideration that movements can be slow at times as can thinking. An important point is if there is a loss of balance or tripping, it will most likely be on the weak side which of course doesn’t react fast nor have enough hand strength usually to hang on to something firmly. This is why safety is the first priority when living alone with this injury.

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    Source by Leon Edward

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  • Holistic Approach For Faster and Better Healing – What Does It Include?

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    The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word holistic as follows:

    “relating to or concerned with complete systems rather than with individual parts”

    This term – holistic is used a lot these days in terms of healing and curing diseases/ailments. Looking at the definition, this seems to be an obvious route to rightful healing any particular ailment or disease.

    Diet

    When we visit a doctor looking for curing some of our physical issues, he/she will give us some medicine/drug. These days, doctors also prescribe dietary recommendations to follow for faster recovery. Why do they do it? Is the medicine alone not enough? You will say, there is an obvious reason. The medicine will fight against the undesired elements in the body and diet will help build strength at the same time normalizing the function and thereby facilitating the healing process, right? If there is such a holistic approach, the healing is better and faster.

    Stress

    It is very commonly understood that stress makes any ailment or disease worse. Therefore, stress management along with medicine and diet further accelerates the healing process. One might watch comedy movies, read positive books, stay in positive company, or take a walk in park, play some sport or exercise for eliminating stress and thereby helping the healing.

    The Energy Body

    The Energy Body interpenetrates the physical body and extends beyond it by a few inches. This is one another aspect that healing professionals are also looking into for a much more holistic approach. The energy body is also seen affected by various clairvoyants and the effect of working on energy body is manifested on physical body sometimes immediately and sometimes with a time-lag depending on various factors.

    Working on energy body alone does not seem to be a holistic approach either, although, there are many who are trying to do it. Just like traditional medicine is supported by diet and stress management, the energy healing/medicine can also receive equivalent support from traditional medicine, diet and stress management. It is ideal to do all four

    Counselling (Emotional Body)

    Another aspect that is also very important is our emotions and our will power. This is a deeper and very important aspect of healing that is mostly ignored. Are we emotionally and mentally ready to get healed? Sometimes medicines do not work, diet does not work, energy healing does not work. One of the reasons is our willingness to heal which is influenced to some extent by our emotions. One should also consider taking counselling sessions with the therapist, or with someone else or sometimes talking to ones own self also does wonders. The holistic approach should definitely include this aspect of healing as well.

    It will be great to know if any of the aspects are missed and comments on the description mentioned in the article. Feel free to share your thoughts by comments or email.

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    Source by Nazia Hirani

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Animal Spirit Guide – Panther Medicine – Astral Magic

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    Spirit of the dark moon,

    traveller of the astral world.

    Master magician,

    a seer of the nights secrets.

    Metaphysical Meaning

    Astral Travel, Spiritual, Secretive, Silent, Elegant, Valor, Connected to the Moon, Solitary, Feminine, Ancient Mysticism, The Crone ( Old wise woman ), Guardian Energy, Power and Strength, God of darkness, Courage, Old Soul, Reclamation of power, Superior telepathic communication, Loners, Visionary, Shape shifter, Sensuality, Distant Healing, No Fear, Alchemy, The Goddess, Self empowerment, Symbol of the shaman.

    Spiritual Symbolism

    Panther augers a time of awakening and uplifting the inner passions which drive our own personal life force. Panther medicine amplifies all the senses and redirects our psychic spiritual energy, to create a highly focused manifestation, seen by others as personal power and magic. Panther spirit symbolizes settling into your own self, being comfortable with yourself bringing forth great personal power. Panther allows us to recognize our own personal sense of purpose in life, and develop a strong spiritual understanding of why you are here.

    A Black Panther maybe smaller than lions and tigers but are the mightier aggressors with superior talent. Panther asks us to look deep into our dark feminine side, our fears, secrets and subconscious. If we learn to become comfortable with our dark side, it will bring healing light to the hidden sides of ourselves. The path of the hero is undertaken by the panther spirit.

    Totem Animal / Spirit Guide

    Panther spirit people encourage others positively through their own zest for life and quest for realizing ones dreams and desires. Panther reminds us to release our fears acknowledge our own power and accept our dark shadow selves. Panther helps in honoring ones own feelings. Panther spirit people have contained in them, the knowledge of the cosmos and other worlds, communicating with beings on an astral level.

    Out of body experiences accompany panther as your spirit guide, her medicine is extremely powerful, magically transferring this to you, allowing a state in which astral travel is not only achievable, but controllable too. Panther spirit people have a healing element behind the look in their eyes, giving way to telepathic healing. On the other hand a panthers stare is transfixing, slightly hypnotic and will instill the fear of death inside of the one looking back at her. Panther spirit people are often prophets and healers with universal insight.

    Mythology from around the world

    Native American Indians the Tucano of the amazon, thought the roar of the panther was the roar of thunder. Symbolizing black panther as the god of darkness causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. In Egyptian mythology the panther is connected with the Crone of the crossroads, Hecate. In China Panthers were embroidered on the robes of Generals in the belief that the Panther’s valor and ferocity would be passed on to the wearer.

    Within the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the king Pepi must pass through the ceiling of heaven wearing his panther skin. Draping the skin across his shoulders symbolized he had eliminated his desires for the earthly realm and its materialistic energy.

    How do you know if Panther is needed in your life or is your spirit guide?

    If you feel as though you need to protect someone in your life at the moment, panther spirit is lurking, offering her assistance. Having Panther come to you in your dreams is a strong message that she wishes you to observe her medicine. Nightmares or frightening dreams of panther is not negative it simply means you are not accepting nor seeing clearly your true self. Being passionate about panthers is a sign you have a connection with her. Being given unknowingly a picture or ornament of panther is a sign of her presence and a spiritual message to study her magic.

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    Source by Ian G Scott

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  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

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  • Heal Your Broken Heart With Heart Touching Poems

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    Being in love is an amazing experience in itself. Countless days and nights thinking about someone and the moments you spend with them takes you in a world which is far away from reality and seems just like heaven. Lots of promises and commitments for spending the life together is an essence that can never be forgotten. Unfortunately, all the couples are not so blessed; they have to face the separation in the mean of their love journey.

    Whatever the reason may be either the circumstances or the misunderstandings, it seems like all the happiness is going too far from their life. At that time one feels that he should lock himself in a dark room and keep on talking with those memories. It feels like the whole world is laughing on the separation of two hearts.

    Generally, those broken heart guys love to read their previous chats, messages, and letters again and again. No one knows why people do this while the fact is it’s the power of words that take them to rewind all their memorable moments and tears automatically comes out of their eyes. World witnessed that power of word can change an enemy into a friend and vice-versa.

    Love poem have proved their significant existence in the life of the broken heart guys. These love separations have given birth to popular poets. Every one of them has their own love story and unforgettable memories behind those words of the poem. If you are also among the ones that are not so blessed to have your partner with you for lifetime and one thing may work in your favor at this time.

    Try to write your feelings in the form of poem instead of sharing them with all. Once people will show you sympathy but they will not listen to you again and again. And a time will come when they may also hurt you by making fun of your feelings.

    Writing such poems will not only give your heart a relief but a writer may come out from you. With time it may become your hobby which may transform into strength. Though, it’s also true no one can forget their first love. But, sooner or later everyone has to overcome from this deadly experience.

    Remember that, you are doing this for your own benefit. Because when you will complete one poem you will definitely feel the need to write the other. You may notice that different elements of your pain come out of your heart – at first may be pity and then regret but definitely a glimmer of hope will come someday. Just keep on writing whatever bubble ups from the heart to the surface of your mind. Always remember that time is the biggest ointment that will definitely fade out those memories from your life. No matter how far the person has moved away you will definitely learn to live a happy life.

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    Source by Sarika Kataria

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  • Benefits Of A Healthy Lifestyle

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    Here are 8 benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    This Article is written to reach the public with a simple and clear method to point out and to reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle while reducing the risks of chronic diseases such as diabetes.

    With the increased understanding of our bodies that we have gained from science over the past few decades, the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are becoming more apparent, along with the reasons why we should detoxify the body at least once a year to remove harmful bacteria, and even worms, from our digestive system. For people of all ages, weights, and abilities the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are endless. But for now let’s look at eight simple benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    1. Your Health:

    Good Health is not something that you buy from a drug store or a department store, but can be achieved by practicing collective patterns of health-related behavior, based on choices made from available options. Following this logic, if you wish to realize the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, you have to repeat some healthy pattern as a part of your daily or weekly activities, some patterns like eating right and exercising. Other benefits includes: Reduced health care costs, reduced illness and injuries, reduced doctors visit, Keeps you employed and improved employee/employer relations.

    2. Weight:

    Managing your weight is the key to attaining all of the health benefits of a Healthy Lifestyle. A weight reduction of just 10 percent will significantly reduce risk of heart disease and other obesity-related illnesses. Obesity/overweight is the second leading contributing factor to many childhood diseases such as orthopedic disorders, sleep apnea, type II diabetes mellitus, asthma, high blood pressure and cholesterol, skin disorders, emotional and psychosocial problems (Spigel, 2002), and many more. Weight-bearing exercise such as walking and strength training helps slow the onset of and/or prevent osteoporosis and some research shows that participating in such activities can actually build bone density and begin to reverse the disease. Other benefits are: Weight reduction, reduced tension and stress, improved well-being, Enhanced self-image and self-esteem and improved physical function.

    3. Exercise:

    Although drugs alone can often bring cholesterol down to normal levels, diet and exercise provide benefits that drugs don’t. They’ll lower blood pressure, reduce weight, and lower the risk of developing diabetes. A sedentary lifestyle is a dangerous risk factor for disease. Exercise and a healthy diet helps the body use insulin more efficiently and can help control, alleviate and prevent many diseases. Exercise, cessation of tobacco consumption, eating a high-fiber, low-fat diet, controlling body weight, and learning to cope with stress, reduce the risk of heart disease.

    4. Medical:

    We all want a trim and have healthy body for a variety of aesthetic, social and medical reasons. Healthy living is truly the best medicine. In a study conducted by Tufts University at the New England Medical Center, among patients with cardiovascular disease, an exercise program was shown to significantly reduce LDL cholesterol and other risk factors beyond what’s provided by drug therapy. Even modest weight loss can help reduce medical and pharmacy costs, help avoid bariatric surgery, and co-morbidities such as asthma, hypertension, and diabetes.

    5. Wellness:

    Wellness is about being comfortable in your space: your body, your attitude, and your environment. A healthy lifestyle can greatly increase a person’s longevity. And even though catching something contagious like a cold or flu is sometimes unavoidable, having the wisdom that feeling healthy is a better way to live should have you asking yourself why you are not taking action to live each day as beneficially as possible. The issue with a lot of people nowadays is that they are so busy working and/or taking care of everyone around them, that they neglect their own health and wellness. Make sure your heart is healthy and your bones are strong and Keep it that way to see the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    6. Care:

    The best way to ensure good health is by taking care of yourself. The Care stakes are high but the potential rewards are great-preventing premature death, unnecessary illness, and disability, controlling health care cost, and maintaining a high quality of life into old age. With a healthy lifestyle, you are who you are and you don’t have to be self-conscious about those things that you otherwise would be if you didn’t care about your lifestyle

    7. Control:

    With a healthy lifestyle, you have more control of your life as you work with your body against those aspects of living which may work to hold you back if you would let them. With a healthy lifestyle, you have control over your sleep patterns so that you feel generally well rested throughout the day. With a healthy lifestyle, everything works together to help other aspects of your lifestyle make sense and benefit you. Science has proven that healthy weight loss, healthy eating and fitness routines make dramatic improvements in health, and help control common chronic illnesses like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, stress, and general lack of stamina.

    8. Strength:

    Another benefit of a healthy lifestyle is a steady flow of stamina and strength; you can perform activities and exercises that will enhance your flexibility. With a healthy lifestyle, you have a balanced and varied diet that provides your body its needed nutrients and energy as well. You have strength to train to help build the muscle that supports the bones and joints; therefore decreasing the risk of falls and fractures. Cardiovascular exercise, also known as aerobic exercise, strengthens the heart muscle, therefore increases the heart’s efficiency. As we age, our bones biologically begin to lose mass and strength. Weight-bearing exercise such as walking and strength training helps slow the onset of and/or prevent osteoporosis and some research shows that participating in such activities can actually build bone density and begin to reverse the disease.

    The good news is you don’t have to train like an Olympic athlete to enjoy the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. The secret and logic are repeating a chosen healthy pattern as a part of your daily or weekly activities. We hope that this will get you to a healthy lifestyle if you are not there already. A healthy lifestyle is a way of life.

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    Source by Fortune Ezeoha

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