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  • You Can Stop Feeling Bad About Eating Chocolate

    You Can Stop Feeling Bad About Eating Chocolate

    Whether you’re an avid baker, or just love a sweet treat, it’s hard to resist the appeal of chocolate. But increasing evidence shows that resistance may not be necessary. Studies demonstrate myriad benefits of chocolate, from creating a feel-good buzz to boosting cardiovascular health. Read on to learn more, then try some healthy recipes.

    The Latest Research

    A recent study in the journal Heart shows that habitual chocolate consumption is linked to a lower risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke. Keeping in mind that the study only demonstrated correlation (not causation), it’s nonetheless exciting to see that among participants who consumed a relatively high volume of chocolate every day, 12% developed or died of cardiovascular disease during the 12-year study. Compare that to participants who didn’t eat chocolate at all, among whom 17.4% developed or died of the disease. How much were the chocolate-eaters consuming? About 16 to 100 grams per day, or roughly one half to two typical chocolate bars.

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  • Spinoza’s Ethics of Strength of the Emotions in W Somerset Maughm’s Of Human Bondage

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    The writer probes on the complex world of W. Somerset Maughm’s protagonist in the novel Of Human Bondage, using the propositions the Jewish Portuguese philosopher Baruch Spinoza postulated in his book Ethics in 1674. Some of Spinoza’s propositions are as follows( Morgan, 2006, pp 108-120):

    The following propositions of Spinoza enlighten the changing character of Philip in his own bildungsromans of his life. The force and increase of any passive emotion and its persistence in existing is defined not by the power whereby we ourselves endeavour to persist in existing, but by the power of external causes compared with our own power;

    The force of any passive emotion can surpass the rest of man’s activities or power so that the emotion stays firmly fixed in him;

    An emotion cannot be checked or destroyed except by a contrary emotion which is stronger than the emotion which is to be checked;

    Knowledge of good and evil is nothing other than the emotion of pleasure or pain insofar as we are conscious of it;

    An emotion whose cause we think to be with us in the present is stronger than it would be if we did not think the said cause to be with us;

    We are affected toward a future thing which we imagine to be imminent mo intensely than if we were to imagine its time of existence tofarther away from the present. We are also affected by a remembrance of a thing we imagine to belong to the near past more intensely if we were to imagine it to belong to the distant past;

    An emotion toward a thing which we think of as inevitable [necessarius] is more intense, other things being equal, than emotion toward a thing possible or contingent, that is, not inevitable;

    Emotion toward a thing which we know not exist in the present, and which we imagine to be possible, is, other things being equal, more intense than emotion toward a contingent thing;

    Emotion toward a contingent thing which we know not to exist in the present, is, other things being equal, feebler than emotion toward a thing past;

    No emotion can be checked by the true knowledge of good and evil, insofar as it is true, but only insofar as it is;

    Desire that arises from the true knowledge of good and evil can be extinguished or checked by many other desires that arise from the emotions by which we are assailed;

    The desires that arises from a knowledge of good and evil insofar as this knowledge has regard to to the future can be the more easily checked or extinguished by desire of things that are attractive in the present;

    Desire that arises from the true knowledge of good and evil insofar as this knowledge is concerned with contingent things can be even more easily checked by desire for things which are present;

    Desire arising from pleasure is, other things being equal, stronger than desire arising from pain;

    Every man, from the laws of his nature, necessarily seeks or avoids what he judges to be good or evil.

    The more every man endeavours and is able to seek advantage, that is, to preserve his own being, the more he is endowed with virtue. On the other hand insofar as he neglects to preserve what is to his advantage, that is, his own being to that extent he is weak.

    Philip is highly affected by nature. There is in Nature no individual thing that is surpassed in strength and power by some other thing. Whatsoever thing there is, there is another more powerful by which the said thing can be destroyed. And he was able to surpass all his problems because of the incoming different emotions, problems which proved to make him stronger if not released from “Human Bondage”.

    The force whereby a man persist in existing is limited, and infinitely surpassed by the power of external causes.

    Philip’s deformity limits his own persistence to live. But his meeting with Hayward, Clutton and Lawson, his former classmates in France, who taught him that life is all about passion and the pursuit of it, he became engross in his art. France did not also care about his clubfoot. Cronshaw taught him more philosophy in life about living in let live. Cronshaw even on his death bed, defied doctors’ prohibition. His life is anyway to end just like any other’s lives.

    Set in Kent, England, a sub-urban near London, the novel presents the multifaceted personal, social, political and religious experiences of Philip carey from his childhood to his middle age of thirty. A bildungsroman (1991, Smiley) in style, which highlights the formation of a youngman’s character through education, travels and early life experiences. Philip at the age of nine, as a young boy, is set apart from his peers by some misfortune and undergoes a humiliating experience that later proves strengthening. his first experience of love is unsuccessful or problematic one that nevertheless paves the way to a happy marriage with a suitable mate. The novel has ample observation, if not criticism, with the character’s institutions such as schools, churches and class structures.

    Philip’s personal life is truly an amalgam of life’s tragedies. But how he surpassed the seemingly insurmountable heap of oppressing weight, if not the meaninglessness or nothingness of life, is the focus of this attempt anchored on Spinoza’s propositions. To enumerate, at an early age, his mother died of tuberculosis and his father, a medical doctor, died of lung cancer. His innocence never understood the situation. He has only the temporary joy of travelling to Blackstable to live with his uncle William and childless Auntie Louisa. Forcibly liking his second family as an orphan, he is left reading his books without noise for his uncle, a Vicar in the community, is irated with children’s unruly behaviour. Aunt Louisa is incapable of understanding Philip. he is left with the care of the governess. His personal disability or deformity, being born with a club-foot, proves to be the stigma of his life forever. His early education in Kingston School, caused his early childhood bitter as his peers laughed at him, mocked and physically abused him because of his physical abnormality. Then, his adolescence which brings him to Heidelberg, Germany to study foreign languages, is never sweet. Girls chided him for his deformity. the consolation is meeting friends like Hayward and Miss Wilkinson, who flirted with him, to his disgust. His sojourn to France, albeit, his uncle’s disappointment, proves to be annihilating. His lack of talent in painting plus his deformity, made him a mediocre student. His classmate Fanny Price, who fell in love with him, on the pretext of sharing the same abnormality (hers is lack of beauty), committed suicide out of hunger and wretchedness.

    Then everything escalated to its height, when realizing that painting is not his passion, he goes back to England. He decides to change again to pursue what his uncle William tells him to do: to follow the footsteps of his father. To be a doctor. feeling he has nothing to do, he embraces the new idea. Sauntering along the Parliamentary Street of London, he is driven to dine in a cafe where he meets the slatternly waitress Mildred Rogers who awakens his sexual desire. But his languid mien, caused by his club-foot proves to be a disadvantage. the waitress prefers rugged and rich men. But his desire to pursue the pale, anaemic, aloof Mildred, beomes a challenge to him. Gradually, the two becomeclose. But the ambitious and materialistic waitress always insults him because of his deformity. to slander him cripple, would totally “cripple” his mood and emotion. Even when Philip is generous to the moody Mildred, she hurt him by marrying a German businessman Miller. His desperation is tantamount to his yearning for Mildred. He is left believing that one day, he would see Mildred again. His concentration with his medical study is forlorned. And Mildred came back,looking sickly, with a child. His generosity and forgiveness for his first love, who hurts him the most, is even greater than life. The ingrate waitress after a little recovery from poverty, elopes with Griffith, Philip’s handsome and robust classmate. That is the height of Mildred’s shamelessness. So her expected return is welcomed with derision by the newly awakened Philip. Even when Mildred turns into a prostitute, Philip is only capable of compassion, without passion or sexual desire. She is freed at last. And Philip is extricated from the pains excruciatingly caused by the destitute Mildred.

    His obsession to Mildred costs Philip his fortune and gradually his savings is left with seven pounds. He is forced to stop from his medical studies that brings him to experience unbelievable poverty. He meets the generous Athelneys who fed and sheltered him in his misery. His uncle’s death, leaving an average fortune, helps him to finish his medical studies. His fateful shelter with the Athelneys brings him to his final, harmonious and peaceful resolution to marry Sally Athelney and go on with his life beautifully. Shakespeare is affirmed by saying that “all is well that ends well.

    At this juncture, it is noteworthy to enumerate Spinoza’s propositions to elucidate Philip’s “bondage” and his strength of his emotion. Spinoza in his preface to his philosophical treatise wrote:

    I assign the term “bondage” to man’s lack of power to control and check the emotions. For a man at the mercy of his emotions is not his own master but is subject to fortune, in whose power he so lies that he is often compelled, although he sees the better course, to pursue the worse. In this Part I have set myself the task of demonstrating why is so, and also what is good and what is bad in emotions. But before I begin, I should like to make a few preliminary observations on perfection and imperfection, and on good and bad ( Morgan, 2006).

    In the beginning, Philip is a slave if not a victim of his emotion. His physical deformity, his club-foot, caused him too much pain. He learned to hate his classmates and,worst, abandoned his belief in God. He could not appreciate the God of his uncle vicar when God cannot give him the miracle he wanted to have normal feet. His painful childhood in school changed him to be rough character. He never wanted to become a vicar anymore. His obsession to Mildred indeed showed his real weakness as a man, and even wretchedness as a human being because of his deformity. he would always think that women cannot love him as he is because of his deformity.

    He who has undertaken something and has brought it to completion will say that the thing is completed; and not only he but everyone who rightly knew, or thought he knew, the intention and aim of the author of that work. For example, if anyone sees a work (which I assumed is not yet finished) and knows that the aim of author is to build a house, he will say the house is imperfect. On the other hand, as soon as he sees that the work has been brought to the conclusion that its author had intended to give it, he will say that the house is perfect. But if anyone sees a work whose like he had never seen before, and he does not know the artifecer’s intention, he cannot possibly know whether the work is perfect or imperfect.

    This appears to have been the original meaning of these terms. But when men began to form general ideas and to devise ideal type of houses, buildings, towers, and so on, and to prefer some models to others, it came about that each called “perfect” that which he saw at variance with his own preconceived ideal, although in the artifecer’s opinion it had been fully completed. There seems to be no other reason why even natural phenomena (those not made by human hand) should commonly be called perfect or imperfect. For men there are wont to form general ideas both natural phenomena and artifacts, and these ideas they regard as models, and they believed that Nature (which they consider does nothing without an end in view) looks to this ideas and holds them before herself as models. So when they see something occurring in Nature at variance with their preconceived ideal of the thing in question, they believed that Nature has then failed or blundered and has left that thing imperfect from their own preconceptions rather than from true knowledge.

    So perfection and imperfection are in reality only models of thinking, notions which we are wont to invent from comparing individuals of the same species or kind; and it is for this reason that I previously said (Def. 6, II) that by reality and perfection I mean the same thing. For we are wont to classify all the individuals in Nature under one genus which is called the highest genus, namely, the notion of Entity, which pertains to all the individuals in Nature without exception. Therefore insofar as we classify individuals in Nature under this genus and compare them with one another and find that some have more being or reality than others, to that extent we say that some are more perfect than the others. And insofar as we attribute to them something involving negotiation, such as limit, end, impotence and so on, to that extent we call them imperfect because they do not affect our minds as much as those we call perfect, and not because they lack something of anything except that which follows from the necessity of nature of its efficient cause; and whatever follows from the necessity of the nature of its efficient cause must be necessarily be so.

    To be a master of his emotion is to attain perfection. It may not be physical but spiritual, mental and emotional. His challenges may have hardened him but enlightened him to loosen up and later, embrace the beauty of life. The unattainable perfection, was answered, through his friend Cronshaw, a poet whom he met in France, that the meaning of life cannot be answered unless one lives it. he realized that men are born, study, work, marry, have children and die is the most beautiful pattern that the Persian rug edifies.

    As for the terms “good” and “bad,” they likewise indicate nothing positive in things considered in themselves, and nothing but models of thinking, or notions which we form from comparing things with one another. For one and the same thing can at the same time be good and bad, and also indifferent. For example, music is good for one who is melancholy, bad for one in mourning, and neither good or bad for the deaf. However, although this is so, these terms ought to be retained. For since we desire to form the idea of man which we may look to as model of human nature, we shall find it useful to keep these terms in the sense I have indicated. So in what follows I shall mean by “good” that which we certainly know to be the means for our approaching nearer to the model of human nature that we set before ourselves, and by “bad” that which we certainly know prevents us from reproducing the said model. For it is important to note that when I say somebody passes from a state of less perfection, to a state of greater perfection, and vice versa, I do not mean that he changes from one essence or to form to another (for example, a horse is as completely destroyed if it changes into a man as it would be if it were to change into an insect), but that we conceive his power of activity, insofar as this is understood through his nature, to be increased or diminished.

    Philip may have been both good and bad due to circumstances. he was good in the Blackstable with his Auntie Louisa and Uncle William. he became bad in school because his classmates taunted him because of his clubfoot. In Heidelberg, he is good to all the people even if he did not understand their silence and even their insolence. In France, was forced to become bad, to protect himself from the looming abuses of other foreigners. The death of an anti-social fanny Price, showed him to be the only compassionate painting student.

    Hence, after a series of Philip’s tragedy, his experiences, his meeting with different people, his education, his travel to Heidelberg, to Paris and to London, his affluence and reversal of his fortune to poverty taught him greatest lessons in life. That life can be beautiful if man knows to master his emotion, moderate his desire and be reasonable in every decision. A man is finally freed from the chains and cufflinks ” Of Human Bondage”.

    References:

    Maughm, Somerset W. (1991). Of Human Bondage.

    Canada: Bantam Book Doubleday.

    Morgan, Michael (ed.). (2006). The Essential Spinoza: Ethics And Related Writings.

    Cambridge: Hackett Publishing, Inc.

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    Source by Wilfredo M. Valois

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  • The Four Horsemen of Marital Apocalypse

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    Stop to consider your last fight with your spouse. The exact subject may escape you at the moment. We understand. After a while, the spats – over bills, your job, in-laws or the dishes still in the sink – can all blur together. But contrary to popular belief, it’s not the amount of conflict in your marriage or what you argue about that determines your relationship’s survival rate. to marriage researchers, how a couple fights tends to be the best predicator of whether they’ll end up enjoying their golden years together or battling it out in divorce court. So learning to fight less may not be quite as important as learning to fight fair.

    Four Deadly Sins of Marriage

    Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington, one of the foremost marriage researchers, claims he can predict with 90 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce. In his storied “love lab,” Gottman studies how couples interact, particularly how they communicate with each other in heated moments. After 30 years of research, he has pinpointed four behaviors that seem to invariably spell disaster in any marriage. He ominously refers to them as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Every couple needs to be vigilant and ensure none of the four gallop into their marriage and wreak irreversible havoc.

    Horseman #1: Criticism

    The most common horseman that emerges in long-term relationships is criticism. Frustrations, annoyances and resentment inevitably build up when couples live together – day in and day out. And criticism can be how these emotions manifest in the heat of an argument.

    Note that criticism differs from complaining. Criticism focuses on the person. Complaining focuses on the behavior. This may seem like subtle nuance but research shows it is a distinction that makes a significant difference in the long term. For example, this is a critical statement: “You always drive around in circles. You are an awful driver with a terrible sense of direction.” These words are dripping with blame and accusation. They are a personal attack.

    Unlike criticism, complaining has more to do with how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Complaining usually begins with an “I” instead of “you”: “I get so frustrated when you are driving and don’t know where you are going.” See the difference? The second statement is a negative comment about something you wish were otherwise. So though “I” statements can seem awkward, they really help keep the carnage manageable during explosive moments.

    Horseman #2: Contempt

    You’re an idiot. You can’t do anything right. You make me sick. These contemptuous words have no place in any relationship you value. They are meant to explicitly humiliate or wound. They are toxic and indefensible. Period.

    Contempt includes but is not limited to name-calling, hostility and sarcasm. Keep in mind that contempt can also be conveyed non-verbally. An excessively harsh tone or disgusted eye roll can escalate your garden-variety argument into WWIII in the blink of an eye. Avoid contempt in your arguments at all cost. It is the basest, most childish tactic to resort to in a fight. Strive to respect your wife even when you disagree or feel upset with her. Contempt is like a poison. It will single-handedly erode intimacy. It destroys a sense of security and mutual respect. It does real damage because it makes a partner feel belittled and unloved.

    Horseman #3: Defensiveness

    Criticism+Contempt=Defensiveness. Defensive statements become practically an involuntary reflex in homes where contempt and criticism are regular visitors. It is understandable. After all, who wouldn’t put up their guard in response to an accusatory, belittling spouse? Defensiveness is fundamentally a self-preserving tactic.

    As understandable as this response can be, it is still hugely destructive. It builds walls. Rather than allow room for connectedness, the foundation for conflict resolution, it tends to breed emotional distance. Defensiveness blocks healing and forgiveness.

    Horseman #4: Stonewalling

    Because stonewalling is not explicitly aggressive, couples often underestimate its destructive potential. But it can be just as devastating to a relationship in its passiveness. It is, in effect, giving up. It is withdrawing emotionally. It is essentially closing the door to a resolution.

    Stonewallers withdraw partly because they can feel overwhelmed with emotion. They may keep their faces expressionless, avoid eye contact, hold their posture rigid, avoid any signs of listening such as nodding or encouraging sounds. They radiate icy distance and disapproval to their partners.

    The Secret to Fighting Fair

    Now that you know the four horsemen, make a conscious effort to keep them in the stable before they trample your marriage. One of the best ways to do this is to make “repair attempts” during your next argument. According to Gottman, repair attempts are any words or actions that prevent a conflict from escalating out of control. As simple as it sounds, repair attempts keep a marriage from becoming negative, hostile and distant.

    Repair attempts can be as basic as changing the topic, giving a compliment, apologizing or saying, “I’ve been cranky all day, can we start over?” It can be as simple as saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this” or cracking a joke to diffuse tension. Research even shows couples who touch during arguments also tend to show higher relationship satisfaction. Do whatever works for you when conflict rears its ugly head.

    Remember, the more entrenched the negative patterns of behavior in your marriage become, the more difficult it becomes to break them. Don’t become a victim of these negative cycles. When two mature people can take ownership and be flexible, they will keep their marriage strong even though they may not always agree. As a Scottish proverb says, “Better bend than break.”

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    Source by Grant Langston

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  • How To Get A Rich Girlfriend – Powerful Trick To Find Wealthy Women Looking For Men Where You Live!

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    Life used to be much different for me. And then one night I figured out how to get a rich girlfriend.

    I hate to sound clichéd – but the trick is so simple and yet so effective.

    Before figuring this out, I spent a lot of my time wondering how to find wealthy women who would date me. I used to look at guys walking hand-in-hand with rich ladies and think: “That should be me!”

    But two things used to stop me looking for a rich woman!

    1. I’m over weight – and can’t seem to shift it now I’m in my thirties.

    2. I was always broke.

    These days I know how to get a rich girlfriend. And I’m neither broke nor fat (my girlfriend pays for a private fitness coach)!

    Maybe you and I used to be pretty similar, right? That’s the reason I want to help you. I know how it feels!

    The intention of this article is to show you how to find HUGE lists of rich ladies looking for men.

    So here is the easy way to find wealthy women – and I haven’t seen this anywhere else, so I’m guessing guys in the know are keeping it quiet for themselves…

    Get yourself a membership to a popular dating community. Social networks won’t work. It needs to be dating because you want to find rich girls seeking dates.

    Make your profile look pretty and then visit their people-search section. You’ve seen this sort of page a million times. Now you won’t meet rich girls by just searching for local women.

    To find wealthy women you need to filter your search… And here is the trick.

    The best dating sites let you filter searches for LOCATION. So what you do is put in a search for women seeking men but refine that search for ONLY women who live in a rich neighborhood.

    This is POWERFUL. You have before you a list of potentially very wealthy women looking for men.

    Just consider this – how many rich ladies can you find using this simple little trick? Hundreds? Thousands?

    And – best of all – they all want a man!

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    Source by Jack Brock

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  • Anal Sex: Here’s How To Make Your Woman BEG YOU For It – YES, Really – BEG YOU FOR IT

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    You may think that the title of this article sounds too good to be true – but it’s 100% serious. You are about to discover exactly how to make your woman beg you for anal sex.

    If you want to do your woman ‘up the back door’ but she isn’t currently too happy about the idea, here is how to make her want anal sex.

    Most guys approach the issue of anal sex with their woman totally the wrong way. Here are a few examples of common methods that men use to try to get their woman to have anal sex with them.

    If you are currently using any of the following ideas, stop it straight away:

    Mistake #1: They try to persuade their woman to have anal sex with them by using logical arguments. For a woman sex is virtually 100% emotional. Therefore, logical arguments are a total waste of time.

    Mistake #2: Some men just try to ‘slip it in the back door’ when they are making love to them and hope their woman just lets them carry on with it. This is a terrible idea and one that you must avoid because it will probably hurt your woman and this could turn her off the idea of anal sex for a very long time.

    Worse still, it may break the sexual trust that you have with your woman. And when you lose that all important trust, you can say goodbye to your woman doing the really dirty, naughty stuff (like ‘back door action’) with you.

    So now that you know how not to try to get your woman to have anal sex with you, I can share the secret of how to make your woman beg you for anal sex.

    Pay attention, this is going to be fun…

    For starters, stop viewing anal sex as something that you need to ‘win’ from your woman and something that at best she’ll tolerate in order to allow you to have a good time. There isn’t a real man on the planet who thinks like that.

    Instead, adopt the belief that you are going to cause your woman to link massive amounts of pleasure to anal sex.

    That is the most important step, so I’ll repeat it – you are going to cause your woman to link massive amounts of pleasure to anal sex.

    And they way you do this is in very small steps.

    You cannot expect her to go from having never had anything up her butt, to taking your whole ‘tool’ all in one night.

    It ain’t gonna happen.

    No, no, no – your game plan for back door action has to be much cleverer than that. But don’t worry; I have already got the game plan for you, so all you have to do it put it into action…

    The 5 Step Plan To Make Your Woman Beg You For Anal Sex

    – Step 1: Use your tongue to give your woman oral pleasure, wait until she is just about to come and then gently rub her asshole with your finger. Keep rubbing it as she comes and you have started the process of getting her to link pleasure to her ass.

    – Step 2: Do the same as step one, but this time insert the tip of your finger into her butt as she is about to come and carry on doing it during her orgasm.

    – Step 3: Repeat the process again, this time inserting much more of your finger (all of it if possible), into her ‘back door’ as she gets on the verge of orgasm and during her orgasm

    – Step 4: Get a butt plug (start with a small one) and get her used to taking this up her ass. Be sure to insert the butt plug as she is about to come and during her orgasm. This way she links massive pleasure to her ass being touched by you

    – Step 5: Get your woman extremely turned on and wet. Give her a clitoral orgasm (with anal fingering) and then give her a deep spot orgasm. Next, bring out the lube and attempt to put your tool in her back door (use the doggy style position).

    Chances are that she’ll help you get inside her and totally enjoy the process. If she struggles to take you, repeat steps 3 and 4 and then retry step 5. Sooner or later she will beg you to take her in her butt.

    I’m the first to admit that this process is not set in stone.

    You have to be flexible in your approach. But this IS the way to do it if you want your woman to absolutely LOVE it when you take her in the butt.

    After-all, do you really want her to just oblige you because you begged for it, OR do you want to expertly and patiently make her crave back door action?

    If you want to make her crave it, use this 5 step process and be ready to repeat certain steps if need be. At the end of the day, it’s all good fun!

    Let me know how you get on.

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    Source by Adam A Armstrong

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  • Overcoming Mindset Challenges

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    We all have those days, we drop our heads and get down on ourselves; you might even let out a few expletive words for good measure. Our pickleball play is just not up to our, or the USAPA player rating standard. It’s frustrating. I’ll let you in on a secret I learned long ago from a coach who pushed us to achieve; your state of mind or your mindset, plays an enormous role in your successes and failure.

    Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, identifies 2 types of mind-sets; fixed and growth. The fixed mindset has shaped you from birth, it is what you are and has defined your belief in your potential. An innate conviction fashioned from external influences and internally interpreted. A fixed mindset, sees obstacles when faced with change and challenges and therefore will interpret failure as self-defeating in the lack of abilities. It’s like looking on the other side of the court and thinking that the grass is greener – your opponents seem to have all the right moves and it’s your lack of something that is keeping you from winning.

    On the other hand, the growth mindset is one that is embryonic. Here is where belief in ourselves can help us adapt and grow in the ways we want by developing our talents through hard-work and dedication. Learning to love our development playing pickleball and also developing a resilience to loss is the key.

    Hear Those “Voices”

    Learning to overcome a fixed mindset challenge begins with learning to control your emotions and then you can achieve optimal performance during competition. First, you need to pay attention to those negative voices; you know the one’s – from family members that expressed failure or the one’s from coaches that uttered a lack of talent. There may have even been laughter from classmates or club memberships. A mentor who would snap when you hit a setback. You may have developed a reactive “habit” – automatic response to an emotional stimuli. Pushing those old suppressed buttons will give you a release and an understanding but despite their best intentions, this can also trigger an emotional upheaval, easily sweeping you away. Fortunately there is one way to stop the spiral of uncontrollable emotional reactions – refocusing. Consciously stepping back to draw your focus into your senses and the physical effects they may manifest; elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, nausea, tight or tense muscles, anxiety, and shallow breathing.

    Acknowledge and Accept

    Staying in the present moment, acknowledging that these physical effects are poignant, so you can process the information as if you are a doctor observing a patient. Comprehend your emotional arousal as an imaginary threat, and your intensified state of mental stress or physical excitement is a normal response that can be reduced by controlling your emotions. Slow down. Accept that you can help your brain learn to process new “habits” to effectively stay grounded; stretch and breathe, visualize or focus on energizing cues that epitomize how you want to perform or transfer negative energy to positive energy.

    Choice

    You have a choice; interpret negative challenges or setbacks from a lack of talent fixed mindset or from a positive aptitude growth mindset. When you doubt your talent, change your focus – with time and effort, believe you can learn a particular skill or achieve a goal. If you hit a setback or face criticism, keep learning and persevere.

    When the grass on the “other side” draws my attention, I stop and reframe – finding the courage in myself to think of the “water”, or successes that keeps my grass green. I still find myself under stress, and I still hear the “voice” of my fixed mindset. I have learned to face the criticism; sometimes old responses rear their ugly head and I get angry – hitting the ball without thinking and making unforced errors. Other times I am able to put those voices in their place. I interpret my challenges, and setbacks then regain my emotional control. It’s all very personal.

    Over time, learning to take on the pickleball challenge wholeheartedly, gaining wisdom from setbacks, and acting on the criticisms you face by embracing the growth mindset can make it work for you.

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    Source by Patricia H Kuhnen-Beaver

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  • Stopping Employee Theft in Your Coffee Business

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    Regardless to how good of an employer you are, and even if you treat your employees well, understand that employee theft is a reality, and you need to control it. While it may only be a very small percentage of your staff that might steal from you, it can have a significant financial impact on your coffee business. If it goes unnoticed, employees will usually become even more brazen in their activities.

    When it comes to theft, your employees are likely to fall into one of the following four categories:

    Mr./Ms. honest – these are people who would never think of taking anything if it doesn’t belong to them. If they happen to go home with one of your ballpoint pens, they’ll bring it back the next day, and feel guilty that they took it home, even though it was unintentional.

    Incidental theft – these are people that will take home your pen by accident, and will keep it. And, they may scarf a piece of cheesecake occasionally when you aren’t looking, even though they know they shouldn’t. Because these items have minimal value, they have no great sense of guilt related to their activities.

    Theft because of need and opportunity – this is when you have an employee who is perhaps living on the edge financially, and because they have the need, and because your security may be lax, they’ll take advantage of an opportune situation to take something.

    Compulsive theft – this is the person who is always looking for something to steal, and they have absolutely no conscience about it. They typically rationalize the theft in their own mind. They consider you to be the rich, fat cat, and feel that they are over worked and under paid, so stealing from you is justified.

    Employee theft probably exists to some extent within your operation, whether you are aware of it or not. You can most likely live with incidental theft, provided it doesn’t get out of control. Theft related to need and opportunity is, in reality, your fault. These people would probably not steal from you normally, but a lack of security procedures has created the temptation and means for them to do so. Compulsive theft must be discovered, stopped, and you must eliminate the person(s) responsible.

    Losing product due to theft:

    Your employees may have no desire or need for a sleeve of 12oz. paper cups, Java Jackets, or a roll of toilet paper… but they might like a frozen cake, gallon of chocolate sauce, 6-pack of beer, or a bottle of wine.

    There are some simple things you can do to greatly reduce the chance of being ripped-off. First, don’t allow your employees to store their jackets, backpacks, and purses near where you store products. This makes it incredibly simple for someone to slide something into their bag or jacket pocket when no one is watching. I always had my employees store their personal belongings in the cabinet under the cash register (where someone would always be watching), or in my office, under lock & and key.

    Second, keep the back door of your store locked with a key at all times (you or your supervisor being the only ones having a key). If customers regularly enter through your back door, this may not be an option. If your back door is an emergency fire exit (and it probably is), you’ll need to install an alarmed breaker-bar. The whole point is that you don’t want your employees to be able to flow in and out of the back door without you knowing about it. Carrying product out the back door to their car, a hiding place for later pick-up, or an awaiting friend, is one of the most common ways products will exit your store.

    Once you have made it more difficult to stash things in their personal belongings, or carry them out the back door, employees may resort to hiding items in the trashcan. Of course you will unlock the back door to let them take out the trash. If they have hidden something in the trashcan, a dumpster-diving expedition will certainly be planned for after-hours to recover their treasure.

    Periodic trashcan checks should eliminate this problem, or make it a far less appealing option to anyone considering this method to smuggle things out of your store. Buy a long handle 3-prong garden rake. When employees ask to take out the trash, accompany them, and have them hold the can up on the edge of the dumpster while you rake out the trashcan contents. What you are looking for are things that might have been hidden in the trash, but you can tell your employees that you are merely making sure that small wares aren’t being accidentally thrown away. During the 15-years I owned and managed restaurants, I discovered everything from six-packs of beer, bottles of wine, and packages of steaks hidden in the trash!

    Another situation that will create an ideal opportunity for employees to steal from you is having only one person working in your store. If your baker comes in each morning a hour before you or the next employee, or if one person is left to clean and lock-up the place at the end of the day, opportunities for theft abound. As the old saying goes: when the cat’s away…

    Always try to have at least two people in your store at all times. If there is not justification for having a second employee on the clock, then you will need to be that second person. If this requires you going from a 60-hour workweek to 80-hours, then this may not be a tolerable option. If this is the case, then at least invest a couple of hours more each day for a week or two to do some detective work.

    During those times of day when only one employee is working, park at the far end of the parking lot, or across the street, so that you will reduce the chance of being noticed by your employee. If they are familiar with your vehicle, use your spouse’s or friend’s vehicle for a few days. Watch carefully (with binoculars if necessary). I know this all sounds a little CSI – like, but better to rest-easy, feeling fairly assured that your employee isn’t carrying away your store when you’re not watching. If I had the time, I could tell you countless stories of my experiences in catching employees red handed, loading the trunks of their cars.

    If you suspect that theft of product might be occurring, but you’ve seen no direct evidence of it, then conducting a daily key item inventory may shed some light on the situation. Write down a list of 15 to 20 products that you think would be most appealing for someone to steal. In your coffee business, this might include items such as coffee, syrups and sauces, smoothie puree, biscotti, cookies, and desserts, sandwich meats & cheeses, and of course beer & wine (if you serve those from your operation). Then take an inventory of these items every day. Your employees don’t need to know what you are doing, and if they ask, simply tell them you are taking an inventory for ordering purposes.

    What you are looking for are anomalies in usage. For example, let’s say that from your daily inventories you assess that you use about half a gallon of chocolate sauce per day. Then, one day you notice you used 1 1/2 gallons of chocolate the previous day. This should send up a red flag! Why did you go through an extra gallon of chocolate? Were you significantly busier yesterday, or did you featuring several drink specials which contained chocolate sauce? A quick review of individual item sales from yesterday’s cash register report should provide you with the answer. If you average one ounce of chocolate per beverage, then using 1 1/2 gallons means you should have sold approximately 192 beverages containing chocolate (128 oz. per gal. x 1.5 = 192). If this was the case, no problem. But, if you discover that you only sold 64 beverages containing chocolate, then 128 oz. (or 1 gallon) is unaccounted for and missing! A good indication that it probably walked out the door. If this happens, keep track of who was working on the day of the shortage. If this happens continually, eventually you will discover that the same person or persons were working every time.

    Theft of money by employees:

    Hopefully, none of your employees will have the desire to steal products from you, but some will be tempted by the lure of cold, hard, cash. Everyone could use an extra $20 a day. Employees who steal money from you will definitely hurt your bottom line, and must be eliminated.

    The first way to reduce cash theft is to have a cash handling policy in place that will discourage theft. If multiple employees are using the cash register, and no one person is responsible, then I can almost guarantee that your cash drawer will keep coming up short on a regular basis. The fact that no one person can be held responsible for the shortages, will make grabbing a bill or two easy and appealing.

    Implement a policy that one, and only one person is responsible for the cash register for the entire shift. They should count the drawer at the beginning of their shift to verify that they are starting with the designated change bank. Then, they should be the only person to ring up sales and make change. Even you, the owner/manger, should keep your hands out of their cash drawer. Finally, at the end of their shift, they should set aside the amount they started with in the change drawer, and total all the remaining cash, checks, and charges, and balance against what was rung up on the register. If they started with the right amount of money in the cash drawer, rang everything up, took all the money, counted back all the change, and they end up short… who’s fault is it? It can only be theirs. By implementing this simple policy, I once took an operation that was coming up $100 a day ($3,000 a month) cash short, and reduced it to $3 a day, in just 30 days! That’s over a $2,900 bottom line improvement, (in case you didn’t do the math)!

    The other common method that a cashier might use to steal money from you is by using a method called, building a bank. This is the process of not ringing up items on the cash register, while still taking money from the customers, and then pocketing that money. Typically, they will obscure the view of the cash register display on the customer’s side with something like a flower, retail merchandise, or by turning the display so that it cannot be easily seen. Then, they will pretend to ring up an item, but will hit the no sale key instead, popping the drawer open so they can take the cash and make change, but in reality, they haven’t rung up anything. The other thing they might do when it is busy is to just not shut the drawer between transactions. They simply convey verbally the cost of items ordered by customers and take the cash, but once again, nothing has been rung up.

    A cash register that prints out the order on a remote receipt printer to the person who will be preparing the item, can eliminate this problem. Quite simply, if the item isn’t rung-up, it won’t print out. If your barista or cook won’t prepare anything without a receipt (and they shouldn’t!), it will force your cashier to ring everything up.

    If you observe that the cash register’s display has been blocked from the customer’s view, or there are an excessive number of no sale indications on your cash register’s detail tape, or notice that your cashier is not shutting the drawer between transactions, beware! While these may not be indisputable proof that your cashier is stealing from you, they should certainly heighten your vigilance to find out if something is going on.

    If your coffee business only warrants having one employee working at a time, perhaps because you own a cart, kiosk, or low volume drive-through operation, then how do you go about keeping your employee from building a bank and stealing from you? The best solution I’ve seen is to turn your customers in to watchdogs. Affix a sign to the front of your cash register, in plain sight of the customer, that reads: If you don’t receive a receipt with your order, it’s FREE! This will force your cashier to hand each customer a receipt for their purchase. If they are building a bank, this means they will have to hand the customer a receipt that says – NO SALE; something they probably won’t fell comfortable doing!

    The financial impact of theft of money can be extremely damaging, for example: Let’s say you have a cashier who is skimming off $20 a day by not ringing things up, and then pocketing the money. Not only did you loose the stolen $20, but the $7 of ingredients that were probably used to produce the ordered products; ($20 x 35% ingredient cost = $7.00). So in reality, you lost $27, and it will take an additional $41.54 in sales, to recover this loss; ($41.54 x 65% gross profit = $27). $27 a day lost to theft, X 21 days worked by the employee = $567 lost cash & product per month; $872 extra sales required to offset this loss. (Annual loss, $6,804; $10,468 in additional income required to offset loss.) You must stop theft of money!

    Theft of money management:

    If you have a manger running your operation for you, this can really create an opportunity for cash theft. Just about anyone who has ever run a food service operation (self included), probably felt that they were over-worked and under-paid. Some are tempted to grant themselves an unapproved raise. Your manger has the control key to the cash register, which means they have the ability to back off items that were sold. You would be wise to check your cash register detail tapes on a regular basis. If you see multiple items backed off in groups, or more worrisome yet, all backed off at the very end of the shift, beware!

    A good way to keep this from happening is to establish a policy that no over-rings are to be backed off of sales on the cash register with the management control key. Instead, when the cashier makes an over-ring, they should take the receipt, write over-ring on it, sign it, and put it in the cash drawer. At the end of the shift, the total of all over-rings should be manually backed off of the sales total indicated on the cash register report.

    Many years ago I had a manager that was stealing money from me in another creative way. This manager, who opened the store each day, would reset the cash register by Z-ing it out after the first half hour of business. He would then pocket the proceeds earned during that first half hour. Because additional sales were generated during the second half hour, the cash register hourly sales report would always show sales for the first hour of operation, thus eliminating any suspicion that something might be going on.

    It wasn’t until I was doing a routine audit of cash register Z tapes that I noticed something wasn’t right. When you run a Z report, which resets the cash register at the end of each day, a multi-digit number will usually be printed somewhere on that tape. The next time you Z the register, that number will advance by one digit. I noticed that even though the tapes were sequential in date, every other number was missing. This tipped me off that the register was being Z-ed twice a day! When I confronted my manager with the tapes, his look of panic spoke volumes.

    If you are doubting the honesty of any of your employees or managers, one way you can verify or eliminate your suspicion is by baiting the cash drawer. Slip an extra $20 bill in the drawer sometime during the day when they aren’t watching. If they don’t end up reporting at the end of their shift that they were $20 cash-over, I’ll do it a second time (just to make sure). If they don’t report it a second time, you should have no doubts that they are indeed, dishonest.

    NEVER accuse an employee or manger of stealing unless you catch them red-handed (actually stuffing money into their pockets). Even though the circumstantial evidence may be overwhelming, unless you actually catch them in the act, they are likely to deny your accusations, and will probably file a complaint against you with the department of labor! The brief moment of satisfaction you will gain from letting them know you are aware of what they’ve been doing, will be quickly overwhelmed by the legal predicament you will find yourself in. You will be far better off to not make accusations. Simply terminate their employment. In many states, you do not need to provide a reason as to why you are letting them go. When they ask for an explanation as to why you are firing them, simply say: I don’t need to give you a reason, I’m just letting you go, goodbye!

    Finally, don’t over look technology to help you with security. Surveillance cameras linked to a DVR (digital video recorder) can provide you with peace of mind, or evidence of theft. These systems have become very affordable, and many are easy to install. The value of these cameras go beyond having a video record of operations. The mere fact that employees understand that their activities are being video recorded, will usually discourage them from doing things that they might not think twice about, if no one was watching.

    I think it’s important to not be paranoid about employee theft. Certainly, you don’t want to be constantly obsessed with the suspicion that everyone is stealing from you. In reality, the majority of your employees are probably honest people. But, you would be wise to establish some simple safeguards, and maintain a watchful eye.

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    Source by Ed Arvidson

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  • The Cash Register and Their Uses

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    We have all at least seen a cash register if not used one.  Cash registers are an integral part of retail businesses and most cannot operate without one.  Invented by James Ritty after the Civil War out of necessity for the running of his saloon.  His main goal was to stop employees from skimming money and he got the idea after seeing a tool that counted the revolutions of propellers for steamships.  Patented in 1883, the cash register soon took on a life of its own and after being sold a few times, finally settled into what it is today.

    Today the cash register does not require you to break a nail while pushing down huge buttons that were known for sticking down and causing all sorts of problems.  There are no longer number tabs that pop up to show you the amount being rung up, but rather most registers are computerized.  Computer cash registers are available in many forms today and may consist of just a simple program that you run on your desktop computer that uses an interface just like a regular cash register to entire pos systems that come complete with bar code scanners, a till drawer and receipt printer.  Pos cash registers are what most of us are familiar with today as all the large retailers use them.

    Computer cash registers or pos cash registers are highly advanced and will do everything from ringing up the customer’s purchases to doing your taxes.  Many of the systems will come with a program that keeps track of your inventory which will save you time and money by streamlining the process and not having to do physical inventory.  Don’t forget the options like bar code scanners and laser receipt printers that will help keep your business running smoothly.

    Touch screen cash registers are the first choice among restaurants and grocery stores.  These registers will display menu choices and options that will make ordering quicker by just pressing the screen.  Restaurant cash registers are designed so that the kitchen will receive the order when the wait staff enters it into the computer so they can begin preparing immediately.  This makes for a much more efficient restaurant.  Many of these pos systems also come with age verification software which is handy for those in the bar business.  These registers also allow for unique user id’s that keep track of each person who uses the register, their orders and their sales.  Most are able to download your business for that day or week into tax programs such as Quick-books.

    The importance of cash register tape might seem little, but this is an important addition to any system and should be allowed some consideration before purchase.  Today, most register systems and credit card machines use thermal paper for receipts.  This paper requires special thermal printers that burn the image into the paper.  Laser printers are also used and they have their own special type of receipt paper as well.  These types of printers do not require ink, which is one less expense because in the long run ink will cost you a fortune, but they are much pricier up front than your regular paper receipt printers.

    Below is a list of registers and prices that you can expect to pay:

    • 8 Department Standard Electronic Cash Register (recommended for small businesses) starting at around $100 – These registers are very basic, but for the small retailer they are perfect – They use standard paper for their receipt printing
    • 40 to 99 Department Standard Electronic Cash Register (recommended for small to midsized businesses) from $200-$350 – Same considerations as register above
    • Touch Screen Cash Register (varies depending on size and bundles/options, recommended for restaurants and bars) $500-$2500 – These registers will almost always be used with thermal or laser receipt printers
    • POS Systems (varies depending on size and options) $1500-$3200 – Used almost always with laser or thermal printers.

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    Source by Gerald Hill

    Views: 0

  • Saving a Long Distance Relationship: How Do You Know When It’s Heading For The Rocks?

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    When you or your significant other are forced to move away for whatever reason, the necessity of saving a long distance relationship is the last thing on your mind. However, the chances are that neither of you has any real idea how to make your long distance relationship work.

    Initially you’re both head over heels in love and, while you’re sad at the idea of being apart, you’re both determined that nothing will stop you from being together. You make all the usual promises to each other and for a while things are great. The problem is that in all probability you never got down to the nitty gritty reality of what it would actually be like to be hundreds or even thousands of miles apart, so you’re not prepared for the loneliness that inevitably comes as part of a long distance relationship package.

    The initial elation and determination to be together no matter what begins to fade slowly and inevitably, and that’s usually when the insecurities start to set in.

    You begin wondering what your partner’s up to. Perhaps they don’t appear to be missing you as much as you’re missing them; maybe they’re not available to talk when you need to. If you’re the one left behind you have the added knowledge that your lover has started a new job and of course you imagine them meeting lots of new people and having a really exciting time. Of course it’s not always the person left behind who has the problems. In your relationship, maybe you’re the one starting the new job and you don’t know anybody. Perhaps you think of your partner back at home surrounded by friends and family and you wonder if they are missing you like you’re missing them, or even if they’re thinking of you at all. But whatever your situation, that feeling of insecurity is horrible and so soul destroying.

    You want to talk to your partner but you’re struggling to communicate because you’re frightened of the potential fall-out; that if your lover knew how you really felt, then your relationship would end. At this point, saving a long distance relationship is still not on your mind because the chances are that you are burying your head firmly in the sand, not realizing that by not talking to each other, your relationship is heading inexorably to the rocks.

    Eventually loneliness gives way to frustration. You’re not getting what you want out of the relationship so you start to become resentful. Very often at this point it becomes all about you – what your lover wants doesn’t seem to matter.

    Slowly frustration begins to turn to anger. Everyone around you seems to be in a relationship in which they’re surgically glued to one another’s side. Your friends and family thinks you’re crazy and give you all kinds of well meaning advice; unfortunately, it’s mostly negative and probably doesn’t involve actually saving a long distance relationship!

    Whether you recognize it or not, you are now both firmly at the point of desperately needing to save your long distance relationship and, if neither of you take action, you begin to lose all sense of actually being in a relationship at all and drift towards the final stage in any long distance relationship break down – detachment.

    One or both of you allow the resentment and frustration to get the better of you and slowly begin to withdraw into yourself. Your communication dwindles to almost non-existent and when you do speak, neither of you have anything to say.

    Maybe at this point saving a long distance relationship seems almost impossible with everything seemingly working against you, but before you get on the phone and end it all, I want to say one final thing: It doesn’t have to be like that!

    Ask yourselves this question: Do you and your partner love each other? If the answer to that question is ‘yes’ then, believe me you can save your long distance relationship.

    If the love is still there underneath all of the crap that has gotten in the way, you really can halt the slide and pull it back together. Distance doesn’t have to be a deal breaker and you don’t have to be in the same room to share that special intimacy.

    It won’t happen overnight, but if you’re both truly prepared to work at it, you won’t only be saving a long distance relationship but making it better than you ever thought possible.

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    Source by Beverley Watts

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