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  • Marital Discord in Astrology

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    People normally say that a marriage has been settled in haven and is performed at the earth. It is seen that a married person is leading a very peaceful, prosper and comfortable life, but many are such who are weeping over married life and consequent upon this tension. All these are because of mismatch and adverse compatibility.

    Marital discord is a universal problem all over the world. The reasons can be many including the economical, lack of physical and psychological compatibility, extra-marital relationships, aggressive attitudes, selfish nature, over ambitions etc.

    Astrology can accurately reveal the ins and outs of human life, and therefore, can advice beneficially. Definitely, it has immense value, for astrology can give true guidance and advice regarding one’s marriage.

     

    Basic Factors Responsible for Marital Discord

     

    ·       Strength of ascendant

     

    ·       Moon—revels the desires of human mind

     

    ·       Venus—revels sexual appetite, love, desire, and happiness

     

    ·       Mars—assists in strengthening the sexual instincts in the ease of marriage or to help to establish sexual relationship.

     

    ·       Jupiter—significator of husbands for women

     

    ·       Sun/Saturn/Rahu— fiery, separative in nature

     

    ·       2nd house—denotes family

     

    ·       5th house — love affairs and marriage following intercourse

     

    ·       7th house— stands for love and matrimony,

     

    Wife/husband/law suits, partnerships.

     

     Different Combination for Marital Discord

    ·       Weakness of 2nd /7th houses because of planets present in the house or the lords of house are

     

    1.   Malefic in nature

     

    2.   Inauspicious placement of lords

     

    3.   Combust

     

    4.   Debilitated

     

    5.   Are in infancy or old -age state

     

    6.   Afflicted by functional malefic nodes [Rahu/Ketu]

     

    7.   Sandwiched between malefic planets

     

    ·       2nd /7th houses or their lords afflicted by the separative planet like Sun/Saturn/Rahu.

     

    ·       6/8 placement of 1st/7th lords—separation/divorce/break of agreement.

     

    ·       If lords of 1st/ 7th/2nd and Venus are occupying unfavourable houses/combust/debilitated/in enemy sign misfortune will happen after marriage.

     

    ·       Venus and Mercury in 7th house make a person of loose morals and drag to have extra marital relations.

     

    ·       Mars when debilitated and forming relationship with 1st/7th houses or their lords, make the person aggressive and ill tempered.

     

    ·       Node or Rahu/Ketu joining closely Mars makes native/spouse stray and that becomes the reasons for the discord.

     

    ·       The ascendant/Moon of husband/wife in inimical signs sows the seeds of inharmonious relations.

     

    ·       Afflicted or weak Jupiter shows selfish nature of married partner.

     

    ·       6/8 placement of Venus and Moon denotes disputes in love and marriage.

     

    ·       Aspect of at least two retrograde planets on 1st/7th houses/lords.

     

    ·       Saturn and Rahu/Mars and Rahu/Sun and Mars combinations afflicts 1st/7th denotes disputes and discords.

     

    ·       8th/12th lords occupy 3rd house, and 7th house with nods/malefic planets, divorce or separation takes place. 

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    Source by Geeta Jha

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  • Drug Addiction in Senior Citizens

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    Drug addiction in senior citizens is a significant and growing problem in the United States that few people are aware of. In fact, addiction that occurs later in life can be difficult to detect, and sometimes the person suffering from this disease might not even know that they are physically and emotionally dependent on a particular substance. Therefore, a policy of education about the dangers of addiction in older people is essential in order for those who are close to them to recognize any problem and know what options are available to get help. This is especially important considering that recent increases in the amount of older people entering drug rehab programs indicate this problem is probably far worse than we might think.

    The primary way that seniors get addicted to drugs is as a result of chronic pain management. Even under strict medical supervision, addiction to pain medications can and does still occur. This is because these types of narcotics work the same for everyone: they initially manage pain well, then the body develops tolerance and more of the drug is required. With an increase in dosage and consistent use, tolerance increases and eventually leads to physical dependence. Physical dependence almost invariably leads to outright addiction at a mental and emotional level. Therefore, seniors who are taking pain medications regularly are at increased risk for addiction. And because these medications are prescribed by doctors, most people consider them harmless and don’t think that addiction will ever become an issue. However, once it sets in, addiction is a lifelong affliction that can cause serious health issues.

    Another primary reason that older people become addicted to drugs or alcohol is as a result of lifestyle changes. These changes include the celebration of a life of toil and work, but can lead to some very bad habits. For instance, frequent dinners that include wine or beer can quickly become problematic. Before a person knows it, they’re having cocktails with lunch and dinner, and eventually Mimosas or Bloody Mary’s with breakfast.

    As a result of inactivity after a lifetime of working, some seniors have difficulty sleeping. Medications designed to help people get to sleep are extremely addicting and can lead to significant problems with memory loss. Older people who are addicted to sleeping pills often engage in strange or erratic behavior while having no recollection of doing so. And because sleep aids can lead to a persistent state of confusion, it can be difficult for a person to understand that they have a problem.

    Grief and depression is often a significant problem for senior citizens. As people get older their friends, family and associates age as well, and the loss of these people becomes a common occurrence. This combined with decreased levels of activity can lead to a state of depression that some people might seek to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Boredom and lack of exercise serve to exacerbate these problems.

    If you have an older loved one with a drug or alcohol problem, their very life could depend on you. The following options are readily available:

    Individual Therapy/Counseling

    Intervention

    Outpatient Rehab

    Inpatient Rehab

    Group and Family Therapy

    Don’t wait a moment longer to take action; the earlier addiction or alcoholism is treated, the higher the likelihood of success.

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    Source by Jim Debbies

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  • The Life of Ezra Pound by Noel Stock

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    A review of The Life of Ezra Pound by Noel Stock must begin by acknowledging the phenomenal achievement of its author. It is comprehensive, detailed, forensic, appreciative, critical and illuminating, a massive achievement of analysis, research and insight. At around 200,000 words it is also a commitment, not for the fainthearted or for anyone with only a passing interest in either poetry or the history of the twentieth century. But it is also something else, something that, despite the magnificence of its scholarship, provokes this reader to focus on issues that are external to the text, itself. But more of that later: first, the book.

    Ezra Pound was undeniably one of the greatest figures of twentieth century literature. Unlike his illustrious contemporaries and friends, however, Joyce, Eliot and Yeats among them, his name has seemed to slip from the mainstream since his death in 1972. I read his great achievement, the Cantos, when I was at college. I did not understand them. In some ways they feel less like a work of poetry than a lifetime achievement, a creatively conceived and sometimes over-presented commonplace book into which fell, in poetic form, a distillation, a reflection or sometimes mere mention of whatever disparate material that Pound obsessed over at the time. The Cantos were Pound’s creative life, but we must not forget the massive amount of other material, his journalism, music, prose and economics, for want of a more accurate word.

    Pound was one of the founders and movers of literary and artistic movements: Imagism and the Vorticism among them. They were perhaps not the most enduring of directions. He was American but seemed more at home in England and then Italy, neither of which chooses to honour his achievements on their soil. But what is strongly felt about this man from the start is his conviction of, perhaps his obsession with his own genius. He was utterly sure he would contribute to the arts and perhaps even change their direction. He seemed to consider his legacy immortal, even before it had been created. He felt he was something new, original and enduring. And all this when apparently no-one even wanted to read his material, or formally give him time of day. And not only did he seem to deny his failures, he didn’t even seem to register them. The limitations were always somewhere else. In the early years, he thus seemed like a self-publicist, with is achievements acknowledged before they were achieved, like a modern self-published author who writes five-star, best-seller reviews of his own work. Nowadays, that surely would never do!

    But eventually, perhaps by sheer dogged application alongside considerable talent, Pound received the recognition he thought he deserved, though perhaps never in our own contemporary, blunt instrument yardstick of success – sales. Certain academics loved him. Others did not. He himself had high hopes of a Nobel Prize.

    Noel Stock includes copious quotations from Pound’s verse, always with critical assessment, sometimes with criticism. The Cantos were so far reaching in their intellectual coverage that it may appear from the outside that no-one without the full gamut of requisite skills would understand them. And given that these skills comprise, amongst other things, a knowledge of Dante and medieval Italian poetry, Confucius, Mencius and Lao-Tze in the original Chinese, troubadour songs in their original langue d’oc, Noh theatre texts in Japanese, Pound’s own experimental English, besides knowledge of the Classics and their metres, one might presume that there might be few modern readers of his work. This is probably accurate. But there is more to the modern shunning of Pound’s work than its overtly elitist intellectual demands. And it is here that this review needs to diverge from literature, poetry and indeed Ezra Pound, himself, to address the related concepts of fascism and racism.

    The main reason why today Pound’s name remains passé is his espousal of fascist ideas and his overt antisemitism. He went to live in Italy. He regarded Mussolini as rather a good thing. In Italy at the time he was hardly alone in this belief. He adopted Hitler’s aggressive antisemitism because he was fundamentally opposed to capitalism, if it meant what he saw as a banking and economic system dominated by Jews, the foundation of this belief being a bank owned by the Rothchild family. He also took to broadcasting pro-fascist propaganda (in Italian and English) on radio during World War II.

    Normally, my reviews are consciously detached. I try to review the book, not myself. Likes and dislikes are, to me, wholly nebulous and indefinable and even passing whims that are always less significant than considerations of communication or achievement of ends. In the case of The Life of Ezra Pound, the subjective “I” must be included, since our appreciation or not of this poet’s writing now seems to depend wholly on our individual take on his politics, despite his being be neither analytical or pro-active in his views, as this biography clarifies. In some ways, his politics were as transient as his current interests, as expressed in the meanderings of the Cantos. But what now can we make of Pound? Should we even try to understand him? Is dismissal the preferred option? I would say that he is worth the effort. Not the use of “I”! And this is not because I think Pound is a particular genius, overlooked or even readable. And I certainly do not see his actions as pardonable! And here I beg your pardon for making this book review become something personal, something about me and not about the book, but I assure you it is relevant. Please exit here if you are wary of the personal.

    I remember in the recent past a well-known British television presenter saying on-air that the music of Wagner was not played in her household because of the composer´s antisemitism. I remember another celebrity saying that antisemitism was the flavour of Wager´s age, and that rejection of the composer´s work on those grounds alone ought to prompt a similar rejection of everything artistic or otherwise that came out of mid-nineteenth century German culture.

    In the not too distant past I re-read Adam Smith´s Wealth of Nations. In my review I concentrated on those aspects of the analysis that might contradict the completely neo-liberal interpretation of the work. I was perhaps wrong to do so, but I wanted to challenge the idea that there is just one way to read Smith´s notion of free trade. Embedded within Smith´s thesis, however, are assumptions about human progress and worthiness. The Hindoo, the Mussulman and even the Catholic have their place in history and civilisation, but the heathen is judged to be a primitive sub-human. I do not recall Smith referring to ´The Buddhist´, but that may be my own failure of memory. In today´s politics, how many of the neo-liberal, perhaps neo-conservative supporters of their own notions of Smith´s concepts of free trade also regard those not associated with an organised great religion as both uncivilised and sub-human? And, given that the assumption appears to run throughout the work, should that alone disqualify Smith´s views on other subjects or his contribution to economics? Another position that almost dominates sections of The Wealth of Nations is that there is no economic activity that is or could be greater than the total that describes the state. How many of these same free marketeers would share Smith´s oft-stated revulsion of the very idea of a transnational corporation, which he regarded as necessarily market-distorting and almost automatically corrupt? This is recognized in antitrust and anti-monopoly legislation, but how often is this side of Smith´s work quoted? My point here is that we can choose to be selective, and usually do.

    I am tempted here to introduce the composer Anton Webern into the argument. A member of the second Viennese School, Webern espoused the atonalism of his associate, Schoenberg. Webern was perhaps the artistic opposite of Ezra Pound, being prone to destructive self-criticism and a desire for an extreme succinctness of expression. But Webern, like Pound, thought that fascism might be more sympathetic towards “high art” to which he aspired than the mechanisms of capitalism that concentrated on what it could sell. He thus initially espoused fascism, eventually to his own and his associates´ cost.

    After this considerable diversion, there is eventually a moral, and that is to beware anyone touting answers, especially those based on interpretations of the past in anything other than its own terms. Which brings me to Brexit! It might seem quite a jump, but it does follow. Trust me!

    I have recent personal experience, albeit apocryphal, that suggests the prime motivation among the British working class leave voters who surely swung the referendum result was “getting rid of all the foreigners.” I use quotes to emphasise that this was expressed to me personally and verbatim, with stress on the “all”. I had just finished The Life of Ezra Pound and I felt immediately a strange yet strong link with Pound´s antisemitism, which was founded on nothing less than trying to find someone to blame.

    Perhaps we should not judge Wagner, Adam Smith or even Ezra Pound using the moral perspective of our own time. For if we did that, and rejected any espousal of either racism or religious bigotry, how much of our human past would we retain? And, given the above Brexit opinion, is the moral perspective of our time significantly different from that of the 1930s, or even the 1850s, or 1770s or indeed any other time in our conflict-ridden blame game of history?

    The Life of Ezra Pound is a forensic biography of a poet. It describes a life lived in its historical and cultural context. Like all books committed to communicating its subject, it is a masterpiece that takes the reader way beyond the confines of its subject and thereby achieves a permanent relevance. Revisit this past. We must never deny it existed or forget its consequences. But it reminds us that as individuals, communities and societies, there is no rule that precludes the repetition of error. And neither is there any rule that insists that a current moral ground need be any higher than any other existing folly, contemporary or past.

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    Source by Philip Spires

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Sex As a Natural Treatment For Gout

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    I wanted to laugh when I first came across this rather ridiculous suggestion on some of the online sources about natural treatments for gout. After the initial state of skepticism, I decided to do some study about this interesting topic about having sex as a natural treatment for gout.

    Well, it must somehow works on some of the gout patients until this method is widely spread as one of the treatment option for gout. Some people think it works, but they just cannot explain how it works on reducing the inflammation and pain of the notorious gout attacks. Before I explain how to have good sex as one of the method of treating your gout, you must first understand the chemistry of sex.

    We all know about the temptation and good feelings that good sex gives us. That is part of our natural instinct, and having a healthy sex life plays an important role in maintaining the well being of our body and mind.

    Scientists call sex as a melting pot of the soup of bio-chemicals, the hormones. This scientific statement may somehow kills away some of the romantic side of sex, but whatever you feel as the result of sex can actually be explained by simple science. It is not a matter of what happens between your legs, it is about the chemical reactions happen between your ears.

    There are a few vital hormones that contribute the pleasures (and pain relief) we feel during sexual intercourse. It starts with dopamine, which is one of the brain’s pleasure chemicals. Dopamine is released in the ‘reward centre’ of the brain when we see something that arouses our desire, such as good food and attractive partner. Dopamine increases the pulse rate and cardiac functions which result in the ‘blushing’ effect in some people.

    During sexual orgasm, your brain will push the amount of dopamine to the max and then bring it down right after the climax with the release of prolactin which prevents you from over indulge in the rush of dopamine. Prolactin rises sharply immediately after orgasm and it is what gives you the “full” feeling after your intimate moment. Prolactin disengages you from sex after orgasm and makes room for your mind to think of other things besides the naked person lying next to you.

    Beside the roller coaster ride of dopamine, there are two other sex related neurotransmitters that contribute to the whole sensation of sex. Oxytocin, which is also known as the “cuddling hormone” is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland when you feel the affection to someone you love dearly. Oxytocin helps in creating a strong bond between you and your lover.

    Oxytocin stimulates the production of endorphin which is the ‘happy neuro chemical’ that produces the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure. Endorphins fill you with a sense of well-being and relaxation, and sometimes might even drift you off to sleep. Endorphin has a similar chemical structure of morphine and that explains why it has the pain relief effects.

    The quality of you sex life determine the levels of the above mentions hormones in your body. If you want to have sex as a treatment for gout, you must know how to ‘control’ the release of those hormones.

    The best guideline is to increase the amount of oxytocin and endorphin as much as you can while minimize the fluctuation of dopamine and prolactin. Since oxytocin and endorphin are more emotionally related, so it is good to practice longer lasting sensual experiences with your lover instead of a lustful release of desire.

    Make love, not sex. Those pain and stress relief hormones are hidden in your brain not your sex organ. Cultivate the right feelings and emotions with your love ones by having romantic foreplay and delay the ejaculation for as long as you can while making sure both of you enjoy the pleasure of sex.

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    Source by Heemen Ee

    Views: 0

  • Rare American Coins and 1840-1873 Liberty Seated Silver Dollars

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    The Liberty Seated series silver dollar is impossible to complete in MS condition because of very small mintages and low survival rates. The series started as a slight variation of Christian Gobrecht’s original obverse design. The original Gobrecht soaring eagle reverse was replaced by a modified Heralding Eagle design by John Reich, first used on coins in 1807.

    Robert Ball Hughes modified Gobrecht’s original obverse creation in the “name of decency”. He chopped some of her rock seat away, made the liberty lettering on her shield more legible, and added more folds to her left sleeve. He also added 13 stars to the obverse rather that placing them on the reverse.

    It was minted initially in Philadelphia, then in New Orleans in 1846. Liberty Seated was the last silver dollar minted before the Coinage Act of 1873. The Coinage Act of 1873 stopped the production of silver dollars for domestic use, and initiated the use of silver Trade Dollars for foreign commerce.

    The Coinage Act also ended private citizen being able to have their personal silver or gold minted into legal tender. The main source of silver prior to 1870 was from private citizens, and not much silver was normally brought in for minting.

    By 1859, there was now a much better supply of silver from the Comstock Lode, therefore output of Liberty Seated dollars increased at the end of the series in 1871 and 1872. The Trade Dollar filled the gap between the Liberty Seated and the Morgan silver dollar.

    The total production of all Liberty Seated dollar business strike is 6,487,747. The Philadelphia Mint produced 5,465,463 of these coins. In fact during 1871 and 1872, the Philadelphia mint struck a total of 2,179,300 coins, making them the most “common” in the series.

    In 1851 and 1852 the Philadelphia Mint produced a total of only 2,400 coins. The branch mints only struck Liberty Seated silver dollars for four years each, early in production in New Orleans, and late in production in San Francisco and Carson City.

    The New Orleans mint struck a total of only 875,000 of these dollars. The New Orleans pieces have by far the highest mint state survival rates of the entire series due to the 1962-64 US Treasury release.

    It is believed that between one and three mint-sealed bags of 1,000 fresh 1859-O and 1860-O dollars were found among the bags of Morgan and Peace silver dollars sold to the public during the 1960’s.

    The 1870-S Seated dollar mintage is unknown. Estimates range anywhere from 25-300 pieces. Today’s confirmed population is just a dozen specimens. In fact, the best known specimen 1870-S is MS-62. 1870-S is considered the king of the Liberty Seated series.

    1866 was the first year American coins started to add the inscription “IN GOD WE TRUST”. This date is actually more common in MS condition than many prior dates.

    The Carson City mint produced a total of only 18,584 Liberty Seated dollars during its four years of production. The 1870-CC accounts for 63% of the total mintage, making it the most “common” of the Carson City produced in this silver dollar series. A “few” MS examples have turned up.

    The 1873-CC is the second rarest date to the 1870-S with a total mintage of 2300, and a single MS-64 found. Because this series contains so many “stoppers” and is much more expensive to acquire than the Morgan or Peace series, the Liberty Seated series unfortunately hasn’t had much collector interest.

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    Source by Paul St. Julien

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  • Animal Spirit Guide – Panther Medicine – Astral Magic

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    Spirit of the dark moon,

    traveller of the astral world.

    Master magician,

    a seer of the nights secrets.

    Metaphysical Meaning

    Astral Travel, Spiritual, Secretive, Silent, Elegant, Valor, Connected to the Moon, Solitary, Feminine, Ancient Mysticism, The Crone ( Old wise woman ), Guardian Energy, Power and Strength, God of darkness, Courage, Old Soul, Reclamation of power, Superior telepathic communication, Loners, Visionary, Shape shifter, Sensuality, Distant Healing, No Fear, Alchemy, The Goddess, Self empowerment, Symbol of the shaman.

    Spiritual Symbolism

    Panther augers a time of awakening and uplifting the inner passions which drive our own personal life force. Panther medicine amplifies all the senses and redirects our psychic spiritual energy, to create a highly focused manifestation, seen by others as personal power and magic. Panther spirit symbolizes settling into your own self, being comfortable with yourself bringing forth great personal power. Panther allows us to recognize our own personal sense of purpose in life, and develop a strong spiritual understanding of why you are here.

    A Black Panther maybe smaller than lions and tigers but are the mightier aggressors with superior talent. Panther asks us to look deep into our dark feminine side, our fears, secrets and subconscious. If we learn to become comfortable with our dark side, it will bring healing light to the hidden sides of ourselves. The path of the hero is undertaken by the panther spirit.

    Totem Animal / Spirit Guide

    Panther spirit people encourage others positively through their own zest for life and quest for realizing ones dreams and desires. Panther reminds us to release our fears acknowledge our own power and accept our dark shadow selves. Panther helps in honoring ones own feelings. Panther spirit people have contained in them, the knowledge of the cosmos and other worlds, communicating with beings on an astral level.

    Out of body experiences accompany panther as your spirit guide, her medicine is extremely powerful, magically transferring this to you, allowing a state in which astral travel is not only achievable, but controllable too. Panther spirit people have a healing element behind the look in their eyes, giving way to telepathic healing. On the other hand a panthers stare is transfixing, slightly hypnotic and will instill the fear of death inside of the one looking back at her. Panther spirit people are often prophets and healers with universal insight.

    Mythology from around the world

    Native American Indians the Tucano of the amazon, thought the roar of the panther was the roar of thunder. Symbolizing black panther as the god of darkness causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. In Egyptian mythology the panther is connected with the Crone of the crossroads, Hecate. In China Panthers were embroidered on the robes of Generals in the belief that the Panther’s valor and ferocity would be passed on to the wearer.

    Within the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the king Pepi must pass through the ceiling of heaven wearing his panther skin. Draping the skin across his shoulders symbolized he had eliminated his desires for the earthly realm and its materialistic energy.

    How do you know if Panther is needed in your life or is your spirit guide?

    If you feel as though you need to protect someone in your life at the moment, panther spirit is lurking, offering her assistance. Having Panther come to you in your dreams is a strong message that she wishes you to observe her medicine. Nightmares or frightening dreams of panther is not negative it simply means you are not accepting nor seeing clearly your true self. Being passionate about panthers is a sign you have a connection with her. Being given unknowingly a picture or ornament of panther is a sign of her presence and a spiritual message to study her magic.

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    Source by Ian G Scott

    Views: 0

  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0

  • Free Winning Mass Cash Tips

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    Massachusetts happens to be one of the most populated states in America despite of its size. Boston happens to be one of the most beautiful cities filled with rich history, culture, and considered as the ‘Cradle of Liberty.’ It is by far one of the homes of the biggest lotto players earning the name Mass Cash.

    Mass Cash is a 5/35 lotto game with a one hundred thousand-dollar jackpot. It may not be impressive for most, yet having a hundred grand can and will make anyone smile regardless. The probability in winning the cool hundred grand is 1 in 324,632, which can be translated as anyone’s game with a good chance of winning than even Powerball.

    As for tips, this odd-numbered game would require some careful planning and checking on past winning numbers. With a state that lives in history, it can be a great tool for winning the prize. Second and third place winners can pretty much get their money back.

    Starting with the odd-even tactic for Mass Cash would be a good choice to even the playing field of a 2/3, 3/2 combination. Checking on the past winning numbers (even dated as far back as 1955) can be a chore at times, yet the high probability of the numbers showing up again would be somewhere close to seventy percent.

    Using the High-Low combination on Mass Cash can be tricky at times yet still useful, regardless of which side the middlemost number should go would sometimes be the deciding factor on getting a proper combination. A quick way in doing so is to avoid integers, meaning anything that has a multiple of 35 (five and seven respectively). The general rule of thumb from experienced lotto players and probably even some mathematicians would always be to expect the expected, not the other way around.

    Group matches are another great way in determining a proper combination, basing it on a set group/s that a player has established. This is where history can tell, which number can be used as a replacement for a potential cold number. Beware, though, as what may be considered as a cold number might turn up, yet the chances of it ending the losing streak would be rare.

    Talking about history, a repeat hit may occur at more than fifty percent at the time. Mass Cash has one of the longest lists of winning numbers that would sometimes repeat itself. With regards to these numbers, sometimes a combination of using a group number would be like playing poker if needed to change some cards.

    Playing Mass Cash is a lotto game that would mean that everyone’s a winner. From getting some of the money back to getting the one hundred thousand is to know and have a right mindset once the player lines up to the betting booth. Mass Cash is an ideal way on being a thousand dollars richer, and if given some thought on how to use the money would be beneficial. Just because the jackpot is small doesn’t mean it’s useless.

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    Source by Chris S Malcolm

    Views: 0