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  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • What Is a Relationship Mission Statement

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    RELATIONSHIP VISION

    Aligning values in relationships is a good thing to do intentionally. Think about how most people go through relationships. Does one person give up important values for the other? Is there conflict in the relationship? These things usually happen when values and beliefs aren’t talked about and don’t align with each other. Most conflicts in any relationship is due to differing values or beliefs. After all if we all agreed on what is most important there would be no need to argue. A Relationship Mission Statement can help!

    WE ALL COME FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS

    Think about how you grew up, your environment, money, food, school and so many other things. Did you partner grow up the same? Did your parents teach you different lessons regarding TV, meals, religion, or friends then you partner? We all bring expectations into our relationships but most likely they aren’t the same for each of us. So why do we think things are supposed to magically work out without talking about it, creating goals, or aligning values. Eventually if the bumps can’t be smoothed out then couples tend to search for someone like me. This is not a bad thing, seeing a professional can be incredibly helpful and restore the peace and longevity of your relationship.

    CHECKING IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

    For now let me provide you a simple way to check in with each other, communicate, and look at the future. Creating a Relationship Vision is a simple and helpful tool. It doesn’t take much time and can really target the lasting happiness of your relationship.

    A few steps to creating a Relationship Vision Sit down by yourself for about 30 minutes. Remember it doesn’t have to be done in one day.

    SIMPLE STEPS TO FOLLOW

    1. Go for the positive

    When brainstorming phrase things in a positive manner. For example instead of saying “we don’t argue” say “we will settle things calmly and peacefully” or “we trust each other” instead of “we won’t be jealous”.

    2. Write down your non-negotiables and desires

    Write down your “must-haves” such as “we will parent together” or “exercise is important” or “we will communicate openly and respect each other’s perspective”. You could also write things like, “going outside of our union is non negotiable”, “monogamy is of the utmost importance “, “attending church is a priority”, “traveling and experiencing the world with my partner is a high priority.” Make sure it’s not a laundry list for your partner, i.e. he mows the lawn and she does the laundry.

    3. Explore several areas of a relationship

    Since we have a multifaceted life it is important to address as many of these as you feel necessary. Expressing wants, desires, and values with sex, finances, lifestyle, parenting, career in-laws, leisure time and education are just a few of the things you may want to consider in You Relationship Vision. Answer questions about these topics such as what do I enjoy in my free time? How important are finances? Do I want to work full time? Do I need a 401k? What about insurance? Does my job need to provide this? What percentage or amount of time do we spend with in-laws? How do we allow them to interact with the children? Is sex satisfying? Do we want to explore new sexual ideals? Do the answers align with my values?

    4. Come together

    Come together as a couple and discuss the things you agree on first. Then Discuss what is negotiable and create short sentences expressing what is important to both of you. Leave the things that you don’t agree on for last. See if you can compromise on these issues if not this is where someone like me comes in. Having a professional help couples work through the hard stuff is helpful and will benefit your relationship for a lifetime.

    5. Come up with your statement.

    It doesn’t have to be long, complicated or directive. As a matter of practicality it’s better to make it succinct, covering the overarching theme of your intentions for your relationship.

    Examples

    We are co-creators of our lives, sharing a desire to love and be loved unconditionally, by consciously determining our behaviors and the outcomes we wish for ourselves and our family. We value respect, trust, non-judgment and self-control. We bring our best selves to this union, casting out destructive, egocentric motivations so that we may achieve the most positive and loving lifestyle we are capable of.

    We agree to always love and cherish each other and recognize how fortunate we both are; each of us consider ourselves the ‘lucky one.’ We build a healthy lifestyle together, where we support each other in getting exercise, eating well, having fun, resting and relaxing. We make all important decisions together, as a team. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We confide in each other and feel safe in each other’s care.

    We’re together to build a loving family and teach our children about healthy relationships. We create a sense of stability by having some routine but also make time for fun and spontaneity. We don’t intentionally hurt each other, but recognize we still do – and so we quickly and readily apologize. We take care of each other.

    6. Schedule a time

    Weekly, monthly, quarterly or whatever works for you, but make sure you come together to gauge if you are on track. This is the best way to ensure you both get your needs met and can address it if you’ve gotten off track. This will also provide space for growth. Since nothing in life stays the same, people, situations, events, or relationships, this provides room to renegotiate, change your Relationship Vision as the both of you change.

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    Source by Roxanna Teeling

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  • Benefits Of A Healthy Lifestyle

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    Here are 8 benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    This Article is written to reach the public with a simple and clear method to point out and to reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle while reducing the risks of chronic diseases such as diabetes.

    With the increased understanding of our bodies that we have gained from science over the past few decades, the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are becoming more apparent, along with the reasons why we should detoxify the body at least once a year to remove harmful bacteria, and even worms, from our digestive system. For people of all ages, weights, and abilities the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are endless. But for now let’s look at eight simple benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    1. Your Health:

    Good Health is not something that you buy from a drug store or a department store, but can be achieved by practicing collective patterns of health-related behavior, based on choices made from available options. Following this logic, if you wish to realize the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, you have to repeat some healthy pattern as a part of your daily or weekly activities, some patterns like eating right and exercising. Other benefits includes: Reduced health care costs, reduced illness and injuries, reduced doctors visit, Keeps you employed and improved employee/employer relations.

    2. Weight:

    Managing your weight is the key to attaining all of the health benefits of a Healthy Lifestyle. A weight reduction of just 10 percent will significantly reduce risk of heart disease and other obesity-related illnesses. Obesity/overweight is the second leading contributing factor to many childhood diseases such as orthopedic disorders, sleep apnea, type II diabetes mellitus, asthma, high blood pressure and cholesterol, skin disorders, emotional and psychosocial problems (Spigel, 2002), and many more. Weight-bearing exercise such as walking and strength training helps slow the onset of and/or prevent osteoporosis and some research shows that participating in such activities can actually build bone density and begin to reverse the disease. Other benefits are: Weight reduction, reduced tension and stress, improved well-being, Enhanced self-image and self-esteem and improved physical function.

    3. Exercise:

    Although drugs alone can often bring cholesterol down to normal levels, diet and exercise provide benefits that drugs don’t. They’ll lower blood pressure, reduce weight, and lower the risk of developing diabetes. A sedentary lifestyle is a dangerous risk factor for disease. Exercise and a healthy diet helps the body use insulin more efficiently and can help control, alleviate and prevent many diseases. Exercise, cessation of tobacco consumption, eating a high-fiber, low-fat diet, controlling body weight, and learning to cope with stress, reduce the risk of heart disease.

    4. Medical:

    We all want a trim and have healthy body for a variety of aesthetic, social and medical reasons. Healthy living is truly the best medicine. In a study conducted by Tufts University at the New England Medical Center, among patients with cardiovascular disease, an exercise program was shown to significantly reduce LDL cholesterol and other risk factors beyond what’s provided by drug therapy. Even modest weight loss can help reduce medical and pharmacy costs, help avoid bariatric surgery, and co-morbidities such as asthma, hypertension, and diabetes.

    5. Wellness:

    Wellness is about being comfortable in your space: your body, your attitude, and your environment. A healthy lifestyle can greatly increase a person’s longevity. And even though catching something contagious like a cold or flu is sometimes unavoidable, having the wisdom that feeling healthy is a better way to live should have you asking yourself why you are not taking action to live each day as beneficially as possible. The issue with a lot of people nowadays is that they are so busy working and/or taking care of everyone around them, that they neglect their own health and wellness. Make sure your heart is healthy and your bones are strong and Keep it that way to see the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

    6. Care:

    The best way to ensure good health is by taking care of yourself. The Care stakes are high but the potential rewards are great-preventing premature death, unnecessary illness, and disability, controlling health care cost, and maintaining a high quality of life into old age. With a healthy lifestyle, you are who you are and you don’t have to be self-conscious about those things that you otherwise would be if you didn’t care about your lifestyle

    7. Control:

    With a healthy lifestyle, you have more control of your life as you work with your body against those aspects of living which may work to hold you back if you would let them. With a healthy lifestyle, you have control over your sleep patterns so that you feel generally well rested throughout the day. With a healthy lifestyle, everything works together to help other aspects of your lifestyle make sense and benefit you. Science has proven that healthy weight loss, healthy eating and fitness routines make dramatic improvements in health, and help control common chronic illnesses like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, stress, and general lack of stamina.

    8. Strength:

    Another benefit of a healthy lifestyle is a steady flow of stamina and strength; you can perform activities and exercises that will enhance your flexibility. With a healthy lifestyle, you have a balanced and varied diet that provides your body its needed nutrients and energy as well. You have strength to train to help build the muscle that supports the bones and joints; therefore decreasing the risk of falls and fractures. Cardiovascular exercise, also known as aerobic exercise, strengthens the heart muscle, therefore increases the heart’s efficiency. As we age, our bones biologically begin to lose mass and strength. Weight-bearing exercise such as walking and strength training helps slow the onset of and/or prevent osteoporosis and some research shows that participating in such activities can actually build bone density and begin to reverse the disease.

    The good news is you don’t have to train like an Olympic athlete to enjoy the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. The secret and logic are repeating a chosen healthy pattern as a part of your daily or weekly activities. We hope that this will get you to a healthy lifestyle if you are not there already. A healthy lifestyle is a way of life.

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    Source by Fortune Ezeoha

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  • How to Make Money As a Reflexologist

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    Being a reflexologist is one of the top five career choices in the field of holistic health. The trend shows that more and more people are turning toward holistic practices to enhance traditional medical therapies. Being a reflexologist also allows the practitioner to create a flexible schedule in many circumstances.

    If you have thought about a career in reflexology, it is time to start getting more information. The first thing you should do is contact the local reflexology association in your area. One such website is for the American Reflexology Certification Board. Although, certification is not required in the United States, for professional reasons, you should be certified if it is available.

    At the website, you will want to find answers to several things. You can look for schools certified to teach reflexology, licensing and certification requirements, and any other information you think would be helpful to you.

    Going to school to become a reflexologist is a requirement in most places, even if you don’t need to be licensed or certified after graduating. Classes range in duration from six months to one year or more. The class usually is at least 100 hours in classroom time and at least 300 hours practical time. Depending on your location, requirements may vary.

    You should look for a reflexologist program that focuses on more than the feet and hands. Look for a school that discusses health, nutrition, biology, chemistry, physiology, anatomy, ethics and professionalism. Finding a school that also explains the business side of being a reflexologist is a plus.

    You may want to consider a school that also offers a massage therapist program. Even if you don’t do it now, becoming a massage therapist can add to your income potential and increase your marketability. You may decide to wait to take these classes later, since they are more intense and licensing is a requirement in many areas.

    As a reflexologist, you will be working with a client’s feet and hands for 45 minutes to one hour in a normal session. You should be able to talk with the client before, during and after the session. It is your job as a reflexologist to calm and relax the client while being a good listener.

    Once you are in the final stages of the reflexologist program, you should start working on marketing your services. From your practical experience, you may have a small client base, but you need a large client base that will continue to grow. You should decide if you want to go to your clients or have them come to you. If they come to you, consider renting space or partnering with a chiropractor, doctor’s office, podiatrist, or holistic health center.

    You may also want to check local gyms and spas as well. They may allow you to offer your reflexologist services through the business or they may hire you full time. It is just a matter of going to these different places and selling yourself and your services.

    If you decide to go to your clients, you will want to partner with doctors, holistic practitioners, chiropractors, and gyms. They may refer clients to you to enhance the therapies their patients are currently receiving.

    Once you know how you are going to work, you need to decide on the cost of your reflexology services. Some places will dictate the fees you can charge, and others will not. You will need to contact local reflexologists, and ask them about the services they offer and fees associated with the services. This information will give you a basis to work from when developing your own pricing system.

    You should check reflexologist web sites routinely and subscribe to industry magazines. This will keep you up on new trends, tips, and techniques in reflexology. You may also look at continuing education class at your local community college.

    Since you may with working with clients in a medical setting, the client may think you are a medical doctor. If this should happened, just gently remind the patient that you are not a doctor, but a trained, certified (when applicable), professional reflexologist.

    The only other real problem you could face would be if you feel the client is unclean or the client’s feet and/or hands have sores, fungus or other diseases. Never feel that you have to accept everyone who contacts you as a client. You need to protect the clients you already have, and that may mean refusing service to others. Let them know they have a problem and should seek medical attention. Tell them to return to you when the problem has been corrected and then you will take them as a client.

    If you are still interested in becoming a reflexologist, contact the local reflexology association, get more information, and get started.

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    Source by Randy Wilson

    Views: 0

  • Relationships: Can A Relationship Allow Someone To Become More Integrated?

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    When someone first starts to spend time with another person, they may find that they only experience good feelings. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may soon pass.

    The same could also apply when they are not in the other persons company, with this being a time when they will experience good feelings whenever they think about them. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may also pass before long.

    A Gradual Change

    However, as the weeks and months go by, they may find that their emotional experience starts to change. There could be times when they don’t experience good feelings when they are with their partner and the same thing could happen when they think about them.

    When this happens, one could end up experiencing a fair amount of emotional pain. One could come to believe that the reason they feel different is because of what their partner has done or because their partner has changed in some way, for instance.

    One Direction

    If they come to this conclusion, there is going to be no need for them to take a step back and to see if there is more to it. What is going on out there will be the cause and they won’t have played a part in how they feel.

    The outcome of this is that they could end up blaming their partner, with it being clear that they the ones who are at fault. Their partner could end up going along with this or they could end up pushing back.

    Out of Balance

    If their partner goes along with it, it could show that their partner doesn’t have a clear idea of what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. Due to this, it will be normal for them to take the blame for things that have nothing to do with them.

    On the other hand, if their partner draws the line and doesn’t take on what doesn’t relate to them, one may look into what part they are playing in how they feel. If they do this, it will have a positive effect on their relationship and it will also serve one’s own evolution.

    A Different Outlook

    The reason for this is that one will own their own wounds as opposed to blaming their partner for what has been triggered within them. This will stop them for projecting their issues onto their partner, thereby giving them the chance to work through their inner wounds.

    These inner wounds can relate to what has taken place in their adult life and they can go back to what took place during their childhood years. Unlike a physical wound, an inner wound won’t just heal by itself.

    Presence

    An emotional wound can just be covered up and forgotten about by their conscious mind. The downside to this is that when it is brought up to the surface, months or even years later, one can blame another person for how they feel.

    For an emotional wound to be healed, one will need to be with how they feel and to give the wound their full attention. One is then not resisting or trying to change how they feel, they are being with their emotional self.

    A Big Impact

    One way to look at these emotional wounds would be to say that they make it hard for one to operate as a whole human being. They are then going to look whole from the inside, but on the inside they will be anything but whole.

    Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will have many different split-off parts within them. It will take a fair amount of energy for one to keep these parts at bay and it won’t be possible for them to fully show up.

    Weakened

    One could then be in great physical shape, for instance, but they won’t be completely in their power. What this illustrates is that if one ignores these inner wounds, they won’t be able to function at their best.

    Still, what can happen is that one can get used to living in this way, which is why it can seem as though everything is fine. Their energy is unlikely to be as strong as it could be and their presence is likely to be diminished.

    Strengthened

    As they begin to work through their emotional wounds and to integrate these split-off parts, more of them will be able to show up. Furthermore, they will be less reactive and able to be more present around their partner.

    ​

    So by viewing their emotional pain in a totally different way, it will make it easier for them to grow and develop. They will realise that whenever emotional pain comes up, it will be calling out to be acknowledged; it won’t want to be pushed down or changed into something positive.

    Awareness

    If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

    The reason one may need external support is because they might not be able to handle these wounds by themselves, which will stop them from being able to work through them. By having someone else to hold the space for them, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions – Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

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    Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

    Even so-called “negative emotions,” such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

    For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

    Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously “channeling” the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called “negative” emotions as well as “positive” ones.

    For example, McLaren suggests that:

    • ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

    • SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

    • FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

    • JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

    • COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

    So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

    Let’s explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

    So, as you work with these emotions, it’s important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

    (Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

    The Positive Purpose of Sadness

    The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

    By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you’ll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don’t know how to flow with it, you’ll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you’ll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

    Here’s a practice adapted from Karla McLaren’s book, “The Language of Emotions,” that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

    1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

    3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: “What needs to be released or let go right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

    Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

    The Positive Purpose of Anger

    Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

    Here’s a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

    1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

    2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

    3. Ask your anger this question: “What needs to be protected or restored?”

    4. Then ask, “What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?”

    These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

    The Positive Purpose of Fear

    We’ve been told “Fear is what holds us back” and “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” If we can just overcome our fears, we’ll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

    Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

    Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

    This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

    To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

    1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm’s width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

    3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: “What action needs to be taken right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

    It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You’ll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

    You’ll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There’s a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

    So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

    • What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

    • Exactly what emotion is this?

    • What is the message in this feeling?

    • What is it asking me to do?

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    Source by Kevin Schoeninger

    Views: 0

  • Business Partners & Marital Partners Will The Marriage Survive – Part II

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    In the last article, we connected by saying that keeping your business and personal relationships separate is very important to the survival of both your business and your marriage. In this article we will talk about how to achieve this goal.

    One of the most important ways to accomplish this is to set up distinct business hours, and when they are over, don't discuss business, concentrate on your relationship. It is difficult, but make a concentrated effort at it. Confine your business discussions to business hours or set aside a specific time to discuss the business.

    For example, take the last half hour of the day, and discuss the business day; Any suggestions you have, what was accomplished, what needs to be done tomorrow, during the week, how are the monthly goals you set at the beginning of the month progressing. Remember to couch any criticisms or suggestions in a positive vein. Think of how you felt in the work situation and how supervisors dealt with you when making suggestions. Negatives only cause resentment. They do in the corporate arena, and even more so, when dealing with a spouse you must live with 24 hours a day. Be sure to set aside time for each other-go for walks, out to dinner, or just for a drive with your spouse. Do not discuss business.

    You should have outside activities that are not business related. If not, join a group that interests you. It will allow you to meet with others who are not connected to your business. Running a home-based business can be very lonely; getting away from the home, and having outside interests is imperative.

    In addition to the problems inherent to couples running a business, starting a home-based business presents its own set of problems and questions. Before you start be sure to ask yourself the following:

    1. Are you self-motivated? Organized? Able to prioritize your work? You will no longer have a supervisor or a boss to tell you what to do. You will be the decision maker. You will have to motivate yourself. One way to accomplish this is to use a To Do List and stick to it. In addition, set definitive business hours, and stick to them.

    2. Will you be able to deal with the isolation? You will no longer meet people in the halls, congregate around the coffee pot, or take a break to talk with your co-workers. To combat the loneliness and isolation be sure to join groups that meet outside the home, or schedule luncheons with friends and associates.

    3. Write up a business plan. Be sure the business is something that interests you. You might want to start on a part-time basis, and grow from there. Research the business carefully, make sure there is a market, and the competition is not overwhelming.

    4. Be sure you have at least six months living expenses set aside. This will give you the time to work through the marketing strategy outlined in your business plan, and avoid bad marketing practices. In addition, if changes need to be made, you can do so, without monetary concerns becoming an issue.

    5. Be sure your office space is located in a separate room or area of ​​your home that offers the least distractions. A separate office is best, especially if you are meeting with clients. Remember to always present a professional appearance.

    6. When will you do your regular household chores? Make up a schedule of when you will deal with them. Some individuals find getting chores done before the start of the work day is best. At the end of the day, close your office door and then deal with the remaining household items that need to be handled. Time management will be a very important factor in running a home-based business.

    7. For husband and wife teams, it becomes imperative to have some form of disability insurance for each other. Remember, even though your partner may be your husband or wife, he or she is still your business partner. An accident or illness to one of you can severely impact the operation of the business.

    A business is only as good as you and your partner make it. It takes a lot of dedication, time and energy to run a business, whether it is home-based or not. It can be a very rewarding experience. Think carefully, and ask yourself a lot of self-searching questions before you begin.

    Copyright 2000, DeFiore Enterprises

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    Source by Sue And Chuck DeFiore

    Views: 0

  • Your Doctor Says It's Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Now What?

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    Hopefully you've been heeding my advice and you've gone to see your doctor about your hand pain. I'm going to guess that if he told you that he thinks you have carpal tunnel syndrome, he probably gave you a brace (or splint) and told you to come see him in a month. Hopefully he has referred you to a hand therapist or hand surgeon, and now you're just waiting to see what happens next. Don't panic. Once you understand what's involved, I think you'll feel a lot better.

    So, let's talk about that. What IS next?

    First of all, let's talk about what carpal tunnel syndrome really involves. Because if there is something that I've learned over the years, it's that people don't get a good explanation of what is really going on inside their hand. And as I always say, knowledge is power.

    Your "carpal tunnel" is a space in the base of your palm that is formed by several wrist bones and a thick ligament. Imagine it like this: Make an "O" shape between your thumb and your index finger. Now, hold your arm in a way that forces your palm to be facing the ceiling. The bottom half of the circle is a group of bones. The top half of the circle is a ligament. You've just created a mock-up carpal tunnel.

    Through that "tunnel", you have several tendons (that make your fingers bend) and one very important nerve that operates your thumb muscles and also gives you sensation to your thumb, index, middle, and part of your ring finger. Over time, if those tendons swell, they will crush the nerve against the wall (which is the ligament we talked about earlier) and that pinches the nerve, forcing it to stop working well. Usually, your first symptom is numbness or tingling, then hand pain at night, and eventually you start dropping things because your thumb is getting weaker (and you can't feel properly).

    This information is good to have so that you understand WHY the doctor wants you to wear a splint. See, when you bend your wrist in either direction, you pinch the (already irritated) tunnel more, which cuts off the nerve supply and makes your symptoms worse. The purpose of the splint is to keep your wrist "straight" so that the tunnel is as open as possible. Sometimes a splint is all you need to completely recover. Problem solved!

    Go ahead and make that "O" again with your thumb and index finger. Now leave a slight gap where your fingers should be touching. When a surgeon performs a carpal tunnel release, he is simply cutting that ligament in half so that it relieves the pressure that has been squishing the nerve. He does not remove anything. He just opens up the space so that your nerve can "breathe" again. Easy peasy! You will usually have to take it easy for a few weeks, and maybe spend another few in therapy, but after that, you are as good as new!

    See? That's not so bad.

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    Source by Aleks Dukinas

    Views: 0

  • Can Animals Get PTSD? Yes! Animal Communication and Energy Healing Can Help

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    Today, many rescued animals experience PTSD. They need help to heal before they can integrate into your family. Animal Communication and Energy Healing are two powerful tools to assist them.

    Why do so many animals experience trauma today?

    Many of the reasons are similar to those experiences that can cause PTSD in humans.

    ~~ Too early separation from the mother dog, cat, or horse, for whatever reason.

    ~~ Separation from their human family due to hurricanes, storms, flooding, fires, earthquakes, and other weather or earth-changing event in which people and their animals can become separated.

    ~~ Being shuffled from one rescue place to another in the genuinely loving effort to find the rescued animal a new home.

    ~~ Traumatic loss because the family is no longer able to keep the animal due to financial and/or health changes.

    ~~ When animals are dropped off at shelters or abandoned without explanation, they are confused, scared, hurt, angry, grieving, and afraid – just to name a few emotions that come up for them.

    ~~ When the shelter is one that kills animals after so many days, the animals know they might be killed, and the spirits of other animals killed there may be lingering, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

    This is not a complete list, but this list illustrates that one or more of these experiences may make integrating into a new loving family a challenge for the animal you’ve so lovingly adopted.

    The good news is that animals can recover from PTSD.

    When you adopt an animal from a rescue facility, you may not realize immediately that the animal is having difficulty adjusting.

    I’ve had clients ask for my assistance after struggling for a year or more to connect with a cat or dog or horse who has experienced a traumatic event.

    These clients are good, kind, loving, nurturing people who have tried everything they can think of to help their new animal companion adjust. Often they have been pouring love to an animal who is not open to receiving it.

    Of course, the sooner you ask for assistance, the sooner you and the animal will begin to build trust and open a loving connection between you.

    When an animal is emotionally shut down, afraid of experiencing yet another loss, and/or distrustful that this will be their “forever” home, something else must be added to the equation to assist them.

    Whatever history you have about the animal is also a very important piece of the puzzle.

    Using my Animal Communication and energy healing skills, I can offer you and your new companion special assistance.

    Over several sessions, I am able to establish a rapport with an animal who is very shut down.

    It can actually help me connect with them because I’m not physically present.

    Working from a distance, I can easily make a telepathic connection, which some animals experience as less intrusive than a human stranger being physically in the animal’s space.

    Furthermore, telepathically and energetically…

    ~~ I can feel what the animal is feeling because I’m a strong emotional empath.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal has a huge wall around themselves, or just needs some additional reassurance.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal is distrustful and can suggest ways of building trust.

    ~~ I can often feel if the animal is hiding something or lying to me and/or to themselves.

    ~~ I can ask other animals in your family for any insights they want to share, assuming they have already met the new family member. These often prove to be of immense value in understanding what’s going on with an animal who is too closed down to share very much.

    ~~ I can scan the animal energetically, with the animal’s permission, to pick up energy patterns in their auric field, chakras, and physical body.

    Once we have a better understanding of what’s going on for that animal, we together develop a plan of action.

    ~~ Sometimes Flower Essences are a good way to start. I am able to suggest appropriate essences to assist you and your animal companion(s).

    ~~ As a Certified Practitioner of The Emotion Code™, developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson, I know what a valuable tool this is for assisting an animal with PTSD. (This system has also been shown to be effective with humans.) Releasing emotional blocks and reducing or eliminating walls around their hearts will bring about huge healing shifts.

    ~~ As a Certified Multidimensional Healer, I work with healing teams from Source to remove the energy patterns of trauma, repair chakras and other damaged areas, assist the animal’s bodies to rebalance, and bring the animal into a space of harmony, peace, and openness to their new life circumstances.

    ~~ I may also refer you to other practitioners who offer many other alternative services that will assist the animal, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, Theta Healing, and basic training for dogs and horses.

    Having a “plan of action” helps you and the animal know what next steps to take and have a sense that there truly is hope of healing the animal and the entire situation.

    Have you recently brought home a new animal or are planning to adopt from a rescue place?

    If so, keep in mind that while coming to your home is the best thing for this animal, in some cases you many need to take some extra steps to help the animal integrate and become part of your loving family.

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    Source by Nedda Wittels

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  • Should I Still Be Saying "I Love You" To My Separated Spouse?

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    When you are in the middle of a separation that you never wanted in the first place, it can be tempting to want to remind your spouse that they are still married to someone who still loves them very much. I know first hand that there can be a real worry that if they are outside of your presence, they will begin to forget what they loved about you. Or they will find that the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is actually true.

    So it may be your normal inclination to tell your separated spouse that you love them every time you talk with or see them. And this is absolutely fine – so long as you are getting an enthusiastic response in reply. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

    A wife might say: “I know that it sounds desperate and needy. But I can not help it. Every time I talk to my separated husband, I tell him that I love him right before we hang up. I have done this for all the years that I have known him and old habits die hard. At the beginning of our separation, this seemed OK. But the last couple of times, I’ve noticed that he has hesitated before he gives a response. Last night, he didn’t say anything in response. I don’t mean to be dense. Obviously, he probably thinks that I am doing something wrong or he doesn’t want to hear me tell him that I love him during the separation. But not saying it feels like a lie. It feels like playing games or holding back. Am I supposed to pretend that I don’t love him? Because I find that ridiculous. I do love him. And it seems silly to me that I am not supposed to say it every day in the same way that I have for many years. Do I have to stop?”

    That is really up to you. I would never tell someone what to do during their marriage or during their separation. I can tell you what came to be my opinion as the result of a similar situation that I was in. But, I know that all situations are different. So I can’t say that what worked for me will work for you.

    But, during my own separation, it eventually became very clear that my husband was not receptive to me acting in the same way that I did while we were still happily married. When I tried to act as if we were any other married couple or that nothing was wrong, he would act distant or he would start to avoid me. If I pushed, it would get even worse and I would have to work very hard to even get him to take my calls. Frankly, there were times when I could almost literally feel him wince when I told him I loved him.

    As hard as it was to accept, I started to realize that if I didn’t change some things, I might be making this situation a whole lot worse. So I made a conscious decision to back off some. Did this mean I didn’t love my husband? No, if anything, I loved him just as much if not more. But I knew that if I was going to have a chance to maintain that love, I was going to have to find the strategy that brought him closer to me rather than pushing further away.

    And when I tried to push my love on to him, this definitely made him pull further away. So, I toned down my demonstrations and declarations of love. I told myself that this was only temporary, but it was difficult. Still, I knew what was most important was my long term goal and not my declarations of love in the moment.

    My backing off did eventually make things better because it eventually made my husband more receptive to me again. And his being receptive to me meant that we got to spend more time together – which never would have happened if I had continued on with my pushing.

    I can’t tell you what will work in your own situation. I can only suggest that if you notice something not working, then it sometimes makes sense to test out something else – if only once. Perhaps next time you talk to your husband and it is time to sign off, you might try something like: “tonight, I’m not going to insist that I love you, even though I do. I sense that it makes you uncomfortable. But I didn’t want you to think that I was angry or anything. I’m just trying to respect your wishes and not push.”

    At this point, your husband could reassure you that the loving phrases are fine. Or, he may not say anything – in which case his silence speaks volumes. If you do decide to back off and you find that the next time you talk, he seems more comfortable, then you may speculate that backing off a little has helped.

    I know that it might seem weird and almost dishonest to hold back with your own spouse. But a separation can be a very fragile time in a relationship – especially when one spouse has asked for space or isn’t sure what he wants. It become my opinion that if backing off a little is what it took for my husband to eventually be available to me, I was willing to pay that price at the time. Because I knew that it was part of a long-term strategy that was going to mean that I wouldn’t have to hold back once we reconciled.

    Today, I tell him that I love him all of the time, so holding off was worth it to me. And I believe it helped. But every situation is different. In some situations, both spouses are perfectly comfortable with still saying they love one another. And that’s wonderful. But it was not my reality. Still, if every one is happy, then I don’t see any reason to hold back.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0