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  • Book Review Of Millionaire Fastlane

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    Book Review of Millionaire Fastlane by M.J. Demarco

    This book is one of the best books on Entrepreneurship in which the author lays out five commandments to be on the Millionaire Fastlane. According to the author, until and unless the business complies with the five commandments, they are not destined to be successful. These commandments are:

    Commandment of Need, Entry, Control, Scale and Time (NECST).

    Commandment of Need:

    Millionaires affect lives of millions of people by adding some values to their lives and hence are millionaires. If the marketplace does not care about your product or service then it is not going to add value to the marketplace and it is a failed venture before it takes off. So, every business should first figure out if there is a need for the service or product your business is going to deliver or not.

    So, we have seen test products being sold for free to test the water. All they are doing is trying to figure out if there is any demand or not.

    People often start business with wrong reasons. They are good at something and very skilled and open a business about it. But if the marketplace does not care about it, it’s going to be a failure because marketplace is a selfish place. It does not care what you want, what you have, how good you are. All it cares about it is what is it for them. If it adds some value to their lives then they will buy it otherwise not. So, it’s a big eye opener for me and could be for so many budding entrepreneurs.

    Commandment of Entry:

    This is the second commandment to successful business. If the barrier to entry is very easy it means millions will be doing the same thing and you will not have the ability to scale your business but rather will have to decrease the price and compete those millions. Usually war of price harms all the parties. For example if creating a website and writing a blog and generate income is your business then there is not enough barrier to entry unless you try to add something extra value to the marketplace which not anyone else has added yet. An example which the author gives few times is when he thought about starting Limo business. He found it failed both the first and second commandments. There was no need for one more limo business and barrier was very low to enter into this business.

    Commandment of Control:

    If you have no control over your business and you have given entire authority to another party, you are doomed to failure.

    Many entrepreneurs start a company and then hire a CEO or CFO to completely take control of operation or finance. They know nothing about what is going on and that is the recipe to failure. Especially when entrepreneurs do not have any basic financial knowledge like what is loan mortgage, how to calculate simple interest but hire an expert to help them make decisions. Since they themselves cannot take a second look at the decisions made by their advisers, chances are that they might screw up and entrepreneur will have to bear the loss.

    One of the examples given in the book about the benefit of controlling the business is given as the following. If you are a doctor working at a private-care facility it’s natural to think that you are on the fastlane because your magnitude (price/unit) is large and that will increase the net profit and hence wealth. But, the control of the private care facility is not held by the doctors but by the owner. So, it’s him who is on the fastlane not the doctor who depends on his intrinsic value to increase the wealth.

    Commandment of Scale:

    The author gives an example of a burger stall outside a supermarket. No matter how much the owner tries, he cannot scale his business and reach out to customers outside of the supermarket. So, this business violates the commandment of scale. But an e-store that sells some product in the internet has unlimited number of customers and hence has the capacity to scale his business to unlimited level. However, if the entrepreneur can create franchise of any burger store then he has the ability to scale and will be on the fastlane.

    The author gives an example of a quote by the billionaire Mark Cuban who said it only one business to be successful. So, it’s important that we undertake projects which can be scaled up. In baseball terms, take swing for home runs not singles. If you do decide to play singles, you have to replicate the effort many more times.

    The Fastlane wealth equation is:

    Wealth = Net Profit + Asset Value

    Net Profit = Units sold * Unit Profit

    The leverage is created by the units sold. If you are selling burgers on the supermarket lot, you are limiting the leverage and hence you are on the speed limit of 15 mph road. Also, you cannot increase the price of the burger so the unit profit cannot be controlled as well.

    So, either you have to be able to reach millions of people to increase the Units Sold quantity or sell at very high price to extra wealthy clients to increase the unit profit values.

    Commandment of time:

    Time is the scarcest resource we have. Most people spend money frugally and time freely. That according to the author is exactly the wrong way to the road to wealth. Time is limited and money is abundant. Only difference between successful and unsuccessful people is the way they spend their time. The former value each moment of their life and spend it to increase their self-worth. The latter waste it on fulfilling their immediate desires like watching TV series, indulging in games etc. for long period of time etc.

    As per the author, fastlane is not an easy path but sure it should be a fast way to earn wealth.

    As a fastlaner, our goal should be to automate the travel. If you have a business which requires you to dedicate each moment of your life all the time and always have to trade time for money, it’s a job masked as a business. It’s a money tree that never grows.

    It’s normal to work more than 80 hours per week in the starting phase of a business but it’s not normal to work like that for the rest of the life which is a normal for most of the people working normal life. One of the famous quotes from the book which is often used outside as well is about how most of the people define as normal. Normal is to wake up at 6 am, fight traffic, work 8 hours or slave 8 hours Monday to Friday, save 10% and repeat for 50 years. Normal is to believe that stock market will make us rich and fastest car and bigger house will make us happy. The definition of normal is corrupted by the society and we are conditioned to believe that. In short, the author believes, normal is modern day slavery and that’s why only few have the courage and the intelligence to come out of normalcy and drive on a millionaire’s fastlane.

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    Source by Manju Pradhanang

    Views: 0

  • Understanding the Laws of Success – Law of the Farm

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    Success does not just happen; it is the result of the application of laws that have been proven over time. From the days of the Roman Empire, these laws have been shown to work. The key is to understand these laws and to work with them, not against them. One such law is the Law of the Farm.

    The Law of The Farm

    The Law of the Farm is based on observation of the world around us, namely the ability of a farmer to raise crops. The Law of the Farm says that success comes from the same process that a harvest comes to a farmer. First, as a farmer plows the ground, the person must be readied for success. The weeds of negative thinking must be cleared away, and the person must be fertilized with thoughts of abundance and possibility. Second, the seeds of success must be sown; these are the actions the person does to generate success. Those actions must be tended, supported by positive thinking, just as the farmer tends his crops. Then, when opportunities arise, they must be harvested, just as the farmer must harvest his crop. The harvest must be done at the right time, in the right way. Just as the farmer can lose his crop if he lets it sit in the field, so the person can lose success if he does not take advantage of the opportunities when they arise in the fullness of time.

    Preparing the Field

    For the farmer to reap a harvest, he cannot simply scatter seeds in a field. The field must be plowed, fertilized, and otherwise prepared before the seed is planted. For some crops, these may take years of preparation; as Stephen Covey points out in his book, “The Eight Habit”, a potato farmer must prepare his field for two years prior to planting. People must be prepared for success the same way. They need to have the weeds of negative thinking cleared away. They must be prepared for the planting by learning the attitude of expectation of success. A person must be fertilized with thoughts of abundance so that the seed has food to grow.

    Planting the Seed

    The farmer plants the seed of the crop he wishes to harvest. He does not plant corn seed to get a harvest of wheat. So, too, a person must plant the seeds of what he wishes to gain. This is where goal setting comes into the process. The person needs to decide what his goals are, and then create a plan for reaching those goals, so that he can plant the right seed for the desired harvest of success. A person wishing financial success must plant financial seeds, whether these be investments made or skills learned. The person must understand how the seeds being planted will grow to the desired harvest.

    Tending the Crops

    While the crop is growing, the farmer needs to tend and protect the growing plants. The field needs to be watered, treated to prevent insect infestation, fenced to protect the young plants from animals who would feed on the crop. A person working towards success must also protect his crop. Positive associations are needed to continue the growth of the ideas plants. Negative people and negative ideas must be protected against. Learning about himself and his endeavors (books, classes, further reading) can fertilize the ideas, making them grow stronger and faster. Persistence is needed to weather the storms of depression and impatience which can threaten the crop of success.

    Harvesting at the Right Time

    The farmer needs to gather in the crop when the time is right. He cannot do it too early, or the crop will not be useful; he cannot do it too late, or the crop will destroy itself in the field. A person working towards success needs to realize when the opportunities arise so that the efforts planted can be realized at the right time. Hesitation can cause the opportunity to rot away; the attempt to reach the absolute maximum can cause the right time to slip by. Act when your subconscious says to act; by listening to the small voice within you, you will know when the harvest time has occurred. The farmer doesn’t wait until the absolute peak ripeness occurs; he harvests the crop just before then, so that the ripeness will occur when the harvest is delivered. So, too, a person needs to act just before the maximum results, so that the results can mature during the act of harvesting. Particularly when it comes to investments, it is better to get 95% of the profit by acting early than to get 80% of the profit by acting too late.

    The Most Subtle of the Laws

    There are several laws of success, but the Law of the Farm is perhaps the most subtle. Just as a farmer gets better at raising crops as the years go by, so too a person gets better at using this law as he works it. Of all the laws, this one gets better the more you use it.

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    Source by John Steely

    Views: 0

  • You Can Heal Your Life Book Review

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    At a time in our lives where everything seems to be changing it is good to know that a book that was written many years ago still can have a profound impact on our lives.

    Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” is one of those books. I purchased the gift edition back in November of last year but didn’t actually open the book till the end of December. I know now that it was the perfect time for me to read “You Can Heal Your Life”.

    Over the past year I have been wondering what God had in store for my life, what my purpose in life was and feeling like I was running around in circles.

    I started to read “You Can Heal Your Life” during the two weeks that I took off at the end of the year. On January 3, 2009 I was hospitalized for Bell’s Palsy. After being released from the hospital I came home and immediately opened up the book again and looked to see what Louise Hay had to say about Bell’s Palsy.

    Bell’s Palsy-Extreme control over anger. Unwillingness to express feelings.

    For a couple of years I have struggled with exactly that! I didn’t want to show anger or express my feelings of despair or my feelings of feeling totally out of control. I wanted to yell at anyone and everyone who had hurt me or had in some way made me feel out of control, even so much as blame God and myself for what I was going through. But I could not do it, I could not blame others or let go of those feelings of anger…I wanted to but I just couldn’t express them for the fear of feeling even more out of control.

    After reading “You Can Heal Your Life” and working through my anger with affirmations that Louise suggested such as:

    “It is safe for me to express my feelings. I forgive myself.”

    I was able to express those angry feelings, I yelled, I screamed and then I release those feelings and let go.

    Amazingly this past week, my Bell’s Palsy went away! I am now able to smile again without having my face droop. It is amazing how what we feel inside and out affects our health.

    While I knew this to an extent, this time I understood thoroughly what I had to learn from this situation!

    I have always said I was a stubborn person for me it doesn’t take 3 times to be hit on the head, nope it takes a 4th time before I wake up…” The Bell’s Palsy was the 4th time I have been hit on the head 🙂

    Now everyday I open up “You Can Heal Your Life” or “The Present Moment-365 Daily affirmations” or “Everyday Positive Thinking” to remind me of things to say to myself that are positive.

    I just open the books and I believe where they open up I was meant to read that day.

    So if you are struggling with staying positive in this day and age or are wondering why you are suffering from an illness and are looking for help I strongly recommend any book written by Louise Hay or for that manner any book from a Hay House author.

    “If you are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed”-Louise Hay

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    Source by Rebbekah White

    Views: 0

  • Five Distinct Mindsets of an Entrepreneur

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    I have written in this column before about whether entrepreneurs are made or born (January 18). As I noted in that column, the issue is no longer the subject of debate. Entrepreneurs can be made, that much is clear. Unfortunately, the culmination of that debate begs a new question: What do aspiring entrepreneurs need to learn?

    The most fruitful research into this question has identified a number of cognitive skills that “expert entrepreneurs” possess. Cognitive skills are, in short, unique ways of thinking. Entrepreneurs who have been examined to reveal the cognitive skills they possess are usually NOT able to articulate them. They are aware that they’ve developed capabilities to convert disparate resources into profitable opportunities, but they can’t exactly say how they do it.

    Research has identified distinct patterns in the thought processes in an exceedingly diverse set of entrepreneurs. Scholars have translated these patterns into terms that can be used by people who teach entrepreneurship and, more importantly, those who practice it.

    In another field of study, Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner wrote a book titled “Five Minds for the Future”. The rationale for Gardner’s work is that: “One cannot even begin to develop an educational system unless one has in mind the knowledge and skills that one values, and the kinds of individuals one hopes will emerge at the end”. His book focuses on the five “mindsets” that he believes essential to general education: the disciplined mind, the synthesizing mind, the creative mind, the ethical mind, and the responsible mind.

    While Gardner’s minds are debatable, his perspective that the way people think largely defines who they become is instructive. In light of his work, it seems natural to wonder whether it is possible to identify five specific “mindsets” that are important to entrepreneurial success. My own research has identified five such mindsets: the opportunity recognizing mind, the designing mind, the risk managing mind, the resilient mind, and the effectuating mind.

    The opportunity recognizing mind is cultivated by identifying “pain points” in industry-specific value chains. Expert entrepreneurs rapidly go from spotting a pain point to analyzing the size of the market opportunity. Aspiring entrepreneurs, in contrast, are more likely to extrapolate from limited experience, and they tend to neglect analyzing the SIZE of the opportunity.

    The designing mind has learned how to create repeatable production processes that consistently create valuable output for an identified market. In fact, one of the main differentiators between entrepreneurship and small business is the entrepreneur designs and develops of production processes that do not require his or her constant attention. Small business owners generally enjoy working in their business. Entrepreneurs prefer the design approach of working on their business.

    Risk management is a too-often overlooked element of entrepreneurial expertise. A common belief is that entrepreneurs are risk takers. In reality, entrepreneurs have learned to be highly effective risk minimizers. Where others see intolerable risk, the expert entrepreneur has learned to reduce the risk to an acceptable level. For example, expert entrepreneurs operate according to the “principle of affordable loss” when launching a new venture. They don’t risk more than they can afford to lose.

    The resilient mind is simply the ability to bounce back from the inevitable failures and setbacks that all entrepreneurs encounter. Expert entrepreneurs have learned to distinguish their business failures from personal failure. Without question they still experience disappointment and frustration, but they don’t turn their negative emotions inward. They view their business experiences objectively, and they strive to learn as much or more from their failures than they do from their successes.

    Finally, the effectuating mind is simply the ability realistically to assess one’s talents, situation, and prospects. Any particular entrepreneurial opportunity could be pursued by anyone, but not everyone can pursue each opportunity. Some people simply will be better prepared to capitalize on an opportunity than others. This may be due to their life history, family circumstances, genetic gifts, or other factors. Expert entrepreneurs have learned honestly to assess their own unique talents and to leverage them in pursuit of opportunity. They do not care that others may be better suited to pursue other, potentially more lucrative, opportunities.

    The five mindsets entrepreneurial expertise are targets for lifelong learning and development. No matter your current level of expertise in any of these mindsets it is likely that you have room for improvement. If you deliberately practice and develop skills in these specific mindsets over time, the chances for your entrepreneurial success inexorably will improve.

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    Source by Dr. Thomas Duening

    Views: 0

  • Understanding WineShop At Home: Can You Really Make Money With WineShop At Home?

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    WineShop At Home began in 1995 and offers a large variety of wine and wine related products in addition to a business or income opportunity for those that would like to make an income stream marketing their company or products. However, can you really make money with WineShop? To answer this question, we will take a look at their compensation plan. I will also explain the products and give specific explanations of a few of them while also going over the cost it’s going to take to actually join the company itself and start making money all from home, if possible.

    The Thing:

    You guessed it, wine! Other than wine, they also offered wine related products and gifts. Categories of items offered by WineShop At Home are Wine Related Accessories, Gifts, Specials, Stemware, Personalized Wines, and of course, Wines. I will give a brief explanation of a few of the products offered by the company below.

    1. Adagio 2014 Sonoma Country Pinot Gris – You can get a bottle of this wine for $24.00 and flavors in the bottle consist of Mango, Pineapple, Grapefruit, Meyer Lemon, and Bergamot.
    2. Wine Country Chefs Apron – This apron is also $24.00 and is listed in the gift category. It comes in black and with the WineShop At Home Logo in addition to the slogan “Bringing The Wine Country To You” printed on the front.
    3. Artisan 5 Star “Sparkler Stem” – This is a set of 4 and cost $69.95 and is in the Stemware category. It is designed to develop persistent bubbles and forms a crown at the surface.

    The Opportunity:

    If you become involved with this company, you will be given the title “Wine Consultant”. Now is time for the big question! Can you really make money with WineShop At Home? In order to answer this, as mentioned before, we must take a look at their compensation plan. For this company, their compensation plan is pretty basic so let’s go ahead and get the ball rolling.

    1. Personal Commissions – As a wine consultant you will be able to earn a Base Commission of 20% and will be eligible to earn bonuses up to 35%.
    2. Team Commissions – As for most network marketing companies, you can build a team to leverage even more income. You can earn up to 44% commission from your teams generated sales and will be eligible to earn cash bonuses up to $3,500.

    To Conclude, Yes, You Can Make Money With WineShop At Home!

    The Cost:

    Yes, there is a cost! It’s important to remember, if you get involved or affiliated with this company you are opening up your own business! All businesses require some type of start-up fee. However, in the industry of Network Marketing, Affiliated Marketing, Multi-Level Marketing, or whichever name you decide you enjoy more, it is generally much more affordable than starting a traditional company in which can range from $5,000 to $10,000 easily.

    If you want to get involved with WineShop At Home, you must purchase one of the three kits offered!

    1. Mini Kit – $79.00. This kit includes a Wine Tasting Guide, Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, 3 Posi-Pours, 5 Host Planners, 10 Interest Forms, 5 Host A Wine Tasting Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Tablet.
    2. Starter Kit – $149.00. This kit includes a WineShop At Home Logo Messenger Bag, 2 Bottles of Wine Club Select, A Wine Tasting Guide, A Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, 10 Order Boards, 3 Posi-Pours, 10 Interest Forms, 5 Host Planners, 5 Opportunity Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Tablet.
    3. Premium Kit – $299.00. This kit includes an Insulated 6-bottle Wine Carrier Bag, A Launch Tasting Sampler, 4 Bottles of Wine Club Elite, Personalized Wine Sampler, WineShop At Home Apron, Wine Tasting Guide, Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, Wine Away, 15 Order Boards, 6 Posi-Pours, 20 Interest Forms, 10 Host Planners, Host Postcard Invitations, 10 Opportunity Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Table.

    Final Thoughts:

    I’m not a big drinker. Matter of fact, I don’t drink expect maybe once a year. However, I would still consider marketing their products just for fun. I know a ton of people enjoy drinking, alcohol, and more specifically, wine! Therefore, I believe this company has a Massive Market! A massive market is very important to look for before joining any company like this and if it doesn’t have a massive market you will likely become frustrated before making any actual money!

    The opportunity affiliated with the company is honestly pretty weak. They only offer two different payouts. I was unable to find any referral bonuses, any leadership bonuses, any Match-Up Bonuses, etc. This company started in 1995 and it doesn’t seem they have expanded their compensation plan very much which is a problem. I like companies and feel secure and motivated about companies that constantly expand. This does not seem like a constantly expanding company, at least in terms of their compensation plan. You can definitely make money with WineShop At Home but how much depends solely on two different payout systems.

    The cost is nice. I like the fact that they have 3 different ways to begin. The price can be either expensive or inexpensive depending on your budget and what kind of business builder you are. In comparison, a traditional company has a much higher start-up fee regardless of which kit you choose from WineShop At Home. Additionally, in terms of Network Marketing the cost is also quite affordable and you are able to get a good amount of items with each kit.

    *Dustin Hale is NOT affiliated with WineShop At Home or their business/income opportunity

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    Source by Dustin Hale

    Views: 0

  • Lip Biting Habit – The Psychology Behind Our Habits

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    Lip Biting from this articles perspective is the constant chewing on the skin inside your mouth, often referred to as cheek biting or cheek chewing. This is a repulsive habit and like many habits can be very difficult to stop. This habit likely started out from feelings of stress or anxiety. It might also have started if you had a teeth brace and the metal would catch on the skin of your inner cheek and would tear a thin layer of skin off, not doing any real harm. However, this would mean you would roll your tongue over the lose skin and then want to bite it off. You use your fingers to push the skin towards your teeth and bite the excess skin away. Quite oddly, this is actually quite pleasurable and so you continue to bite more skin away.

    Whether you are lip biting due to stress, anxiety or just perceived pleasure, you have created a relationship between the thought you are having and the action you take. You see, the mind and body are linked. The mind affects the body and the body affects the mind. If there is an outer situation that you feel to be dangerous or painful, your subconscious mind will trigger an emotional response. Your body will naturally tense up and then you will feel even worse. These automatic reactions and trigger responses are programmed from a very early age, perhaps when you were learning to walk and you kept falling over. You hurt yourself when you fell over and so you felt pain. This then created a relationship and neural-pathway in the mind.

    Neural-pathways are elongated neurons in the brain that connect one side of the nervous system to the other. Basically they are created when we perform a task. The neural pathway gets stronger when we repeat the action. We perform a task for the first one or few times using our conscious mind (present thought mind) and then as we repeat it goes in our subconscious mind (auto-pilot mind). The action has become familiar and the subconscious mind takes over and acts on auto-pilot. The subconscious mind is where our habits are stored.

    There is a relationship between the feeling of stress or anxiety, and the action you take when lip biting. This relationship is known as Pavlovian Conditioning. This was discovered and named after Ivan Pavlov, a famous Russian physiologist He would ring a bell at the exact time he would feed his dogs. Then after a while he would ring the bell and the dogs would come running salivating. This proves the relationship in the mind of an outside situation can affect the mind and can then affect the body’s reaction to that situation. This same concept is why when you feel stressed, you automatically start lip biting without you even knowing it. It is embedded in your subconscious.

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    Source by Dave Kennedi

    Views: 0

  • The Different Types Of Heart Doctors

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    There is more than one type of doctor in the world, and when people are sick, they generally have to begin by going to their family care doctor. From their general practitioner, people are then referred to various kinds of other doctors depending on what is wrong with them. For people who have problems with their heart, or may be predisposed through their family history to develop heart issues, then cardiologists are the doctors that they have to go see. However, there is more than one type of heart doctor depending on what the exact problem with the heart is.

    For a part of the body that is as important as the heart, there are many different kinds of heart doctors that can deal with problems concerning the muscle itself, the rhythm of the heart, and the circulatory system that it is involved with. However, for people who are unfamiliar with the different kinds of heart doctors, here is information on who they are and what they do:

    • General cardiologist: The first stop for someone who may have a heart issue is a general cardiologist. This is a basic heart doctor that will do things like monitor the overall health of the heart, and treat some problems, but for particular problems, this heart doctor will refer their patient to the next level of cardiologist, which is an interventional cardiologist.

    • Interventional cardiologist: While a cardiologist can do some basic surgical procedures involving the heart, an interventional cardiologist treats more specific heart problems, and those problems are coronary artery disease, diseases of the heart valves, and peripheral vascular disease. The most common procedure that these cardiologists do is the angioplasty, which is when a balloon is inserted into an artery in order to help the blood flow to the heart.

    • Electro physiologist: This type of heart doctor has a very specific area of the heart, and that is the way that the heart beats. In order to circulate blood through the body properly, the heart has to beat in a special way. There are tests that the electro physiologist has to run to determine what is going on, and if a procedure needs to be done, this doctor can do it.

    • Pediatric cardiologist: Pediatric doctors help children who may have been born with some kind of heart abnormality. To make sure the heart is functioning properly in a child, a pediatric doctor will do some in-office testing, and make sure everything is working fine as that child grows into an adult.

    A regular cardiologist can do the general health check of the heart, but if someone needs a heart procedure, there are other cardiologists that specialize in operating on the heart to do things like clear out the arteries and repair the valves. There are also many different kinds of heart doctors that can do things like monitoring the heart to make sure it’s healthy, and also treating various conditions.

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    Source by Robin Khan

    Views: 0

  • How To Sell More Affiliate Products As A Blogger

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    As a blogger, if you are selling affiliate products in a bid to maximize your passive income potential, there may be several things that you could be doing to improve it even more.

    Selling affiliate products allows you to put the links on your blog and receive commission whenever somebody buys that products or other products through clicking the link on your site.

    Here are some of the ways you can sell more affiliate products as a blogger.

    Make It Personal

    It has been statistically proven that people are much more likely to buy (or avoid) something after reading a personal review. With that in mind, rather than just posting some objective comments about the products you are promoting as an affiliate buy them and try it out for yourself.

    You can then write about what you liked and didn’t like, and people who follow your blog religiously will really value your thoughts. You could even contact the seller and come to an agreement regarding free trial products for you to review on your blog.

    Write About Other Things

    If everything you ever write is centered around a product and why other people should buy it, you will struggle to make much money through affiliate marketing.

    People want to read something that sounds genuine, so only review and promote the products that you really believe in. Your blog will stand out and sound more real, and you’ll be able to benefit from quality buyers and readers.

    Give Things Away

    This can vary depending on what your blog is about, but you can give away free guides, tutorials, checklists, newsletters, magazines, or even physical goods sent out in the post. By giving free things away on your blog as well as promoting or reviewing the pricey items for sale, your readers will come to regard your blog as something fun and exciting, rather than just a platform for trying to get commission from them.

    Offer Something Extra

    If you really want people to buy the item through your blog rather than through the website of another affiliate marketer, you’ll need to offer something extra. People will buy without hesitation if they feel like they’re getting a really good deal. This could be your own personal guide to using the item, or it could be a small extra that you like to use with it and will send out to all buyers separately.

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    Source by Jon Allo

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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