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  • Spinoza’s Ethics of Strength of the Emotions in W Somerset Maughm’s Of Human Bondage

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    The writer probes on the complex world of W. Somerset Maughm’s protagonist in the novel Of Human Bondage, using the propositions the Jewish Portuguese philosopher Baruch Spinoza postulated in his book Ethics in 1674. Some of Spinoza’s propositions are as follows( Morgan, 2006, pp 108-120):

    The following propositions of Spinoza enlighten the changing character of Philip in his own bildungsromans of his life. The force and increase of any passive emotion and its persistence in existing is defined not by the power whereby we ourselves endeavour to persist in existing, but by the power of external causes compared with our own power;

    The force of any passive emotion can surpass the rest of man’s activities or power so that the emotion stays firmly fixed in him;

    An emotion cannot be checked or destroyed except by a contrary emotion which is stronger than the emotion which is to be checked;

    Knowledge of good and evil is nothing other than the emotion of pleasure or pain insofar as we are conscious of it;

    An emotion whose cause we think to be with us in the present is stronger than it would be if we did not think the said cause to be with us;

    We are affected toward a future thing which we imagine to be imminent mo intensely than if we were to imagine its time of existence tofarther away from the present. We are also affected by a remembrance of a thing we imagine to belong to the near past more intensely if we were to imagine it to belong to the distant past;

    An emotion toward a thing which we think of as inevitable [necessarius] is more intense, other things being equal, than emotion toward a thing possible or contingent, that is, not inevitable;

    Emotion toward a thing which we know not exist in the present, and which we imagine to be possible, is, other things being equal, more intense than emotion toward a contingent thing;

    Emotion toward a contingent thing which we know not to exist in the present, is, other things being equal, feebler than emotion toward a thing past;

    No emotion can be checked by the true knowledge of good and evil, insofar as it is true, but only insofar as it is;

    Desire that arises from the true knowledge of good and evil can be extinguished or checked by many other desires that arise from the emotions by which we are assailed;

    The desires that arises from a knowledge of good and evil insofar as this knowledge has regard to to the future can be the more easily checked or extinguished by desire of things that are attractive in the present;

    Desire that arises from the true knowledge of good and evil insofar as this knowledge is concerned with contingent things can be even more easily checked by desire for things which are present;

    Desire arising from pleasure is, other things being equal, stronger than desire arising from pain;

    Every man, from the laws of his nature, necessarily seeks or avoids what he judges to be good or evil.

    The more every man endeavours and is able to seek advantage, that is, to preserve his own being, the more he is endowed with virtue. On the other hand insofar as he neglects to preserve what is to his advantage, that is, his own being to that extent he is weak.

    Philip is highly affected by nature. There is in Nature no individual thing that is surpassed in strength and power by some other thing. Whatsoever thing there is, there is another more powerful by which the said thing can be destroyed. And he was able to surpass all his problems because of the incoming different emotions, problems which proved to make him stronger if not released from “Human Bondage”.

    The force whereby a man persist in existing is limited, and infinitely surpassed by the power of external causes.

    Philip’s deformity limits his own persistence to live. But his meeting with Hayward, Clutton and Lawson, his former classmates in France, who taught him that life is all about passion and the pursuit of it, he became engross in his art. France did not also care about his clubfoot. Cronshaw taught him more philosophy in life about living in let live. Cronshaw even on his death bed, defied doctors’ prohibition. His life is anyway to end just like any other’s lives.

    Set in Kent, England, a sub-urban near London, the novel presents the multifaceted personal, social, political and religious experiences of Philip carey from his childhood to his middle age of thirty. A bildungsroman (1991, Smiley) in style, which highlights the formation of a youngman’s character through education, travels and early life experiences. Philip at the age of nine, as a young boy, is set apart from his peers by some misfortune and undergoes a humiliating experience that later proves strengthening. his first experience of love is unsuccessful or problematic one that nevertheless paves the way to a happy marriage with a suitable mate. The novel has ample observation, if not criticism, with the character’s institutions such as schools, churches and class structures.

    Philip’s personal life is truly an amalgam of life’s tragedies. But how he surpassed the seemingly insurmountable heap of oppressing weight, if not the meaninglessness or nothingness of life, is the focus of this attempt anchored on Spinoza’s propositions. To enumerate, at an early age, his mother died of tuberculosis and his father, a medical doctor, died of lung cancer. His innocence never understood the situation. He has only the temporary joy of travelling to Blackstable to live with his uncle William and childless Auntie Louisa. Forcibly liking his second family as an orphan, he is left reading his books without noise for his uncle, a Vicar in the community, is irated with children’s unruly behaviour. Aunt Louisa is incapable of understanding Philip. he is left with the care of the governess. His personal disability or deformity, being born with a club-foot, proves to be the stigma of his life forever. His early education in Kingston School, caused his early childhood bitter as his peers laughed at him, mocked and physically abused him because of his physical abnormality. Then, his adolescence which brings him to Heidelberg, Germany to study foreign languages, is never sweet. Girls chided him for his deformity. the consolation is meeting friends like Hayward and Miss Wilkinson, who flirted with him, to his disgust. His sojourn to France, albeit, his uncle’s disappointment, proves to be annihilating. His lack of talent in painting plus his deformity, made him a mediocre student. His classmate Fanny Price, who fell in love with him, on the pretext of sharing the same abnormality (hers is lack of beauty), committed suicide out of hunger and wretchedness.

    Then everything escalated to its height, when realizing that painting is not his passion, he goes back to England. He decides to change again to pursue what his uncle William tells him to do: to follow the footsteps of his father. To be a doctor. feeling he has nothing to do, he embraces the new idea. Sauntering along the Parliamentary Street of London, he is driven to dine in a cafe where he meets the slatternly waitress Mildred Rogers who awakens his sexual desire. But his languid mien, caused by his club-foot proves to be a disadvantage. the waitress prefers rugged and rich men. But his desire to pursue the pale, anaemic, aloof Mildred, beomes a challenge to him. Gradually, the two becomeclose. But the ambitious and materialistic waitress always insults him because of his deformity. to slander him cripple, would totally “cripple” his mood and emotion. Even when Philip is generous to the moody Mildred, she hurt him by marrying a German businessman Miller. His desperation is tantamount to his yearning for Mildred. He is left believing that one day, he would see Mildred again. His concentration with his medical study is forlorned. And Mildred came back,looking sickly, with a child. His generosity and forgiveness for his first love, who hurts him the most, is even greater than life. The ingrate waitress after a little recovery from poverty, elopes with Griffith, Philip’s handsome and robust classmate. That is the height of Mildred’s shamelessness. So her expected return is welcomed with derision by the newly awakened Philip. Even when Mildred turns into a prostitute, Philip is only capable of compassion, without passion or sexual desire. She is freed at last. And Philip is extricated from the pains excruciatingly caused by the destitute Mildred.

    His obsession to Mildred costs Philip his fortune and gradually his savings is left with seven pounds. He is forced to stop from his medical studies that brings him to experience unbelievable poverty. He meets the generous Athelneys who fed and sheltered him in his misery. His uncle’s death, leaving an average fortune, helps him to finish his medical studies. His fateful shelter with the Athelneys brings him to his final, harmonious and peaceful resolution to marry Sally Athelney and go on with his life beautifully. Shakespeare is affirmed by saying that “all is well that ends well.

    At this juncture, it is noteworthy to enumerate Spinoza’s propositions to elucidate Philip’s “bondage” and his strength of his emotion. Spinoza in his preface to his philosophical treatise wrote:

    I assign the term “bondage” to man’s lack of power to control and check the emotions. For a man at the mercy of his emotions is not his own master but is subject to fortune, in whose power he so lies that he is often compelled, although he sees the better course, to pursue the worse. In this Part I have set myself the task of demonstrating why is so, and also what is good and what is bad in emotions. But before I begin, I should like to make a few preliminary observations on perfection and imperfection, and on good and bad ( Morgan, 2006).

    In the beginning, Philip is a slave if not a victim of his emotion. His physical deformity, his club-foot, caused him too much pain. He learned to hate his classmates and,worst, abandoned his belief in God. He could not appreciate the God of his uncle vicar when God cannot give him the miracle he wanted to have normal feet. His painful childhood in school changed him to be rough character. He never wanted to become a vicar anymore. His obsession to Mildred indeed showed his real weakness as a man, and even wretchedness as a human being because of his deformity. he would always think that women cannot love him as he is because of his deformity.

    He who has undertaken something and has brought it to completion will say that the thing is completed; and not only he but everyone who rightly knew, or thought he knew, the intention and aim of the author of that work. For example, if anyone sees a work (which I assumed is not yet finished) and knows that the aim of author is to build a house, he will say the house is imperfect. On the other hand, as soon as he sees that the work has been brought to the conclusion that its author had intended to give it, he will say that the house is perfect. But if anyone sees a work whose like he had never seen before, and he does not know the artifecer’s intention, he cannot possibly know whether the work is perfect or imperfect.

    This appears to have been the original meaning of these terms. But when men began to form general ideas and to devise ideal type of houses, buildings, towers, and so on, and to prefer some models to others, it came about that each called “perfect” that which he saw at variance with his own preconceived ideal, although in the artifecer’s opinion it had been fully completed. There seems to be no other reason why even natural phenomena (those not made by human hand) should commonly be called perfect or imperfect. For men there are wont to form general ideas both natural phenomena and artifacts, and these ideas they regard as models, and they believed that Nature (which they consider does nothing without an end in view) looks to this ideas and holds them before herself as models. So when they see something occurring in Nature at variance with their preconceived ideal of the thing in question, they believed that Nature has then failed or blundered and has left that thing imperfect from their own preconceptions rather than from true knowledge.

    So perfection and imperfection are in reality only models of thinking, notions which we are wont to invent from comparing individuals of the same species or kind; and it is for this reason that I previously said (Def. 6, II) that by reality and perfection I mean the same thing. For we are wont to classify all the individuals in Nature under one genus which is called the highest genus, namely, the notion of Entity, which pertains to all the individuals in Nature without exception. Therefore insofar as we classify individuals in Nature under this genus and compare them with one another and find that some have more being or reality than others, to that extent we say that some are more perfect than the others. And insofar as we attribute to them something involving negotiation, such as limit, end, impotence and so on, to that extent we call them imperfect because they do not affect our minds as much as those we call perfect, and not because they lack something of anything except that which follows from the necessity of nature of its efficient cause; and whatever follows from the necessity of the nature of its efficient cause must be necessarily be so.

    To be a master of his emotion is to attain perfection. It may not be physical but spiritual, mental and emotional. His challenges may have hardened him but enlightened him to loosen up and later, embrace the beauty of life. The unattainable perfection, was answered, through his friend Cronshaw, a poet whom he met in France, that the meaning of life cannot be answered unless one lives it. he realized that men are born, study, work, marry, have children and die is the most beautiful pattern that the Persian rug edifies.

    As for the terms “good” and “bad,” they likewise indicate nothing positive in things considered in themselves, and nothing but models of thinking, or notions which we form from comparing things with one another. For one and the same thing can at the same time be good and bad, and also indifferent. For example, music is good for one who is melancholy, bad for one in mourning, and neither good or bad for the deaf. However, although this is so, these terms ought to be retained. For since we desire to form the idea of man which we may look to as model of human nature, we shall find it useful to keep these terms in the sense I have indicated. So in what follows I shall mean by “good” that which we certainly know to be the means for our approaching nearer to the model of human nature that we set before ourselves, and by “bad” that which we certainly know prevents us from reproducing the said model. For it is important to note that when I say somebody passes from a state of less perfection, to a state of greater perfection, and vice versa, I do not mean that he changes from one essence or to form to another (for example, a horse is as completely destroyed if it changes into a man as it would be if it were to change into an insect), but that we conceive his power of activity, insofar as this is understood through his nature, to be increased or diminished.

    Philip may have been both good and bad due to circumstances. he was good in the Blackstable with his Auntie Louisa and Uncle William. he became bad in school because his classmates taunted him because of his clubfoot. In Heidelberg, he is good to all the people even if he did not understand their silence and even their insolence. In France, was forced to become bad, to protect himself from the looming abuses of other foreigners. The death of an anti-social fanny Price, showed him to be the only compassionate painting student.

    Hence, after a series of Philip’s tragedy, his experiences, his meeting with different people, his education, his travel to Heidelberg, to Paris and to London, his affluence and reversal of his fortune to poverty taught him greatest lessons in life. That life can be beautiful if man knows to master his emotion, moderate his desire and be reasonable in every decision. A man is finally freed from the chains and cufflinks ” Of Human Bondage”.

    References:

    Maughm, Somerset W. (1991). Of Human Bondage.

    Canada: Bantam Book Doubleday.

    Morgan, Michael (ed.). (2006). The Essential Spinoza: Ethics And Related Writings.

    Cambridge: Hackett Publishing, Inc.

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    Source by Wilfredo M. Valois

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  • How to Write Technically for the Lay Person

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    While you are writing a book or for a specific magazine or article site, you must be using flowery language using striking words, long sentences, phrases or idioms. In short, you need all those elements that will make the text more catchy and will hook the readers! However, that is not the case in technical writing, i.e. when you are writing for websites that are services or products based. Built using advanced web development frameworks, they need to be produced with clean and simple content that is conversational to the buyers. Specifically, the web content must be representative of the services and the company. But, why called technical writing? A good content on the websites plays a great part in SEO and content marketing. It helps in getting the backlinks and scale up in position of the websites in the search engines to get more visitors.

    So, the next time you are preparing content for a high-end website or online application for your business, keep these tips in mind.

    #1 Know your target audience

    The first thing you need clear-off in your head is the target audience of your site. Be it a group of businessmen or corporate services clients, they are all layman! So, keep your vocabulary outright simple. Don’t use more of technical words and flowery English to make the content snappy. Instead, keep it outright simple, such that even a kid can understand what you provide from your site.

    #2 Show but don’t dictate

    Do not dictate or describe everything about your products or services to the visitors in text. Let them discover that gradually as they proceed to different pages. It makes the visitors curious and persuades them to visit more pages of your site in a session. Thus, show them what you provide, but don’t spell it.

    #3 Use simple, short sentences and active voice

    There is actually no point in over-elaborating technical stuff in the websites. Most visitors are basically skimmers and like to wrap up things quickly. So, try using shorter and simple sentences. And, also use active voice as it’s like you are directly interacting with them.

    #4 Be assertive

    Do not assume that everyone knows about your company, products or services. They don’t. But, they are coming to your site to know about it. So, write with absolute authority and command.

    #5 Avoid the jargon

    Your website is for the layman. Not only for the technically skilled ones! Be sure you are putting information that is also easily understandable by the non-specialists. Even if you need to use complex, technical or niche terms, explain them or hyperlink them to other pages that will give their basic information.

    #6 Use text to compliment the images

    While you will be putting images at every relevant point or pages on the website, create content that will perfectly compliment them. This will enhance the visuals of the site and make it more captivating for the readers.

    These explain web development just do not end with creating a great website or application. But, developers need to have some online content marketing ideas too. They have to know well what exactly can fetch a good amount of visitors to a website, besides making it design-wise attractive.

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    Source by Rob Stephen

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  • Ancient Medicinal Wisdom: Vedic Healing With Coriander

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    In Ayurveda, the rasa or taste of coriander is initially sharp or astringent. Digestion mellows this to sweetness.

    What is Ayurveda?

    This is the ancient medical system of India. Ayurveda postulates that there are three basic types of energy or doshas: Vata dosha or wind energy, Pitta dosha or fire energy, and Kapha dosha or water energy. Every individual, (indeed, all matter), is made up of different degrees and combinations of these doshas. This is called the prakriti or constitution of the individual.

    Ayurvedic belief is that coriander, seeds as well as the plant, is beneficial to all body types or doshas as it does not arouse pitta like most other spices.

    Coriander leaves, seeds and powder are used extensively in Indian kitchens because of their appetising aroma. Ancient Ayurvedic practice had recognized the benefits of coriander: the use of these seeds and powder is rooted in this.

    Multiple benefits of Coriander:

    • These seeds contain dietary fibre and this aids in good bowel movements. It also helps in removing intestinal gas and prevents nausea. Coriander seeds can be dry roasted, powdered and added to most dishes; it’s not all about flavor, they are a good digestive aid. Ayurveda tells us so!
    • It will stimulate appetite by helping to produce digestive enzymes and aid in the breakdown of food.
    • It is also good for liver function. This is probably why it is a good appetite stimulant.
    • Coriander powder and seeds do not arouse pitta. In modern scientific terms, coriander is alkaline. Thus, it is good for urinary tract infections. It is also a mild diuretic.
    • These are an age-old cure for menstrual cramps: just boil 1-2 teaspoons of coriander seeds in half a litre of water, add a teaspoon of organic sugar and drink warm. The relief is palpable.
    • Ayurveda has always known it; now modern research shows coriander seeds to inhibit bacterial growth thus making them a good anti-bacterial agent. This inhibitive property makes coriander a good fighter of stomach infections.
    • Anti-bacterial coriander is also a good anti-fungal. Coriander seeds are quite useful in fighting skin problems like eczema, itchy skin, and rashes.
    • It contain linoleic acid which is why they provide pain relief as well as act as an anti-inflammatory. This property also makes them useful in curing mouth ulcers and sores.
    • Ayurvedic cures for chronic conditions like arthritis make liberal use of coriander seeds/powder. A ‘tea’ is made by boiling ground coriander seeds in water and drinking the warm decoction.

    Here are some Ayurvedic recipes for different ailments which make generous use of coriander seeds:

    • That parched feeling that a fever causes can be relieved by boiling 1 teaspoon of coriander powder in 1 cup of water. Drink after cooling, and your thirst will vanish.
    • For fatigue or a burning sensation in the body, soak a teaspoon of coriander seeds in a glass of water. Let it stand overnight. Strain and drink first thing in the morning.
    • Boil 1 tsp of coriander seeds in half a litre of water. Let it stand for 10 minutes. Strain and drink. This relieves any burning sensation while urinating.
    • Do not pop a pill at the first signs of malaise.The harmful effects of unnecessarily medicating yourself can be controlled by these simple home remedies which carry the goodness of Mother Nature. Ayurveda views human beings as an integral part of larger creation and treats human ailments non-aggressively.
    • When medicines should be used with circumspection, what can one say about the harmful chemicals that we ingest every day unknowingly? Food production in the modern day is fraught with dangerous practices. The indiscriminate use of chemical methods of farming is poisoning almost everything we eat. The organic movement aims to reverse this. If you want to enjoy the maximum benefit of any food product, GO ORGANIC. Coriander is no different.
    • Terragreens Organic is a store of the freshest and most natural ingredients, untouched by chemicals. Enjoy the full benefit of this miracle of Mother Nature. Buy your coriander seeds or powder from the best!

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    Source by Karthik Guduru

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  • Businesses Pursuing New Product Development

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    With the aftermath of globalization, companies are carefully thinking about the best ways to extend their product and service offering. Thus, product development strategy is critical for their success. Yet, many companies are in defensive mode and merely want to maintain the position in the market place.

    However, staying in a holding position is a definite way for companies to be left behind. Innovative thinking that allows for product/service growth is a too sure way for sustainable success. In today’s discussion, we will explore the importance of product development for the growth of businesses, especially in a competitive market.

    Launching into new product offerings is not easy. According to one market research, approximately 75% of consumer-packaged goods and retail products fail to earn even $7.5 million during their first year. Harvard Business School Professor, Clayton Christensen, who is the world’s foremost authority on disruptive innovation, suggests that the failure rate of new products may actually be as high as 95%. Product failure rates relate to the number of products that are launched commercially but fail.

    Geoffrey A. Moore, the author of Crossing the Chasm, maintains the challenges of product deployment: “… the less successful product is often arguably superior. No content to slink off the stage without some revenge, this sullen and resentful crew casts about among themselves to find a scapegoat, and whom do they light upon? With unfailing consistency and unerring accuracy, all fingers point to-the vice president of marketing. It is marketing’s fault!” Thus, new product development is a risky proposition to senior executives making these critical positions as well as the organization as a whole.

    Businesses that want sustainable growth must develop new product and services often and consistently. Philip Kotler and Kevin Keller, authors of Marketing Management, “In an economy of rapid change, continuous innovation is a necessity. Highly innovative firms are able to identify and quickly seize new market opportunities.”

    In taking any actions on new product development, businesses should think strategically about their product development. Alexander Chernev, the author of Strategic Marketing Management, further argues that managing growth is the most preferred route to profitability compared to just cutting cost.

    He outlines four key issues in managing growth, which include: (a) gaining and defending a market position, (b) managing sales growth, (c) new product development, and (d) product-line management. Chernev maintains, “New products and services are the keys to sustainable growth; they enable companies to gain and sustain their market position by taking advantage of the changes in the market to create superior customer value.”

    With that said, new product development meaning having the ability to take a product or service idea and convert it into a tangible offering that customers want. The following are the steps that more products undergo for market consumption: (a) idea generation, (b) concept development, (c) business analysis, (d) product development, (e) market testing, and (f) business deployment.

    The Ansoff Matrix is a strategic tool for product development, consisting of market penetration, market development, product development, and diversification. In market penetration strategy, organizations seek to grow using its existing product offerings in existing markets. With this strategy in mind, organizations try to increase market share. In a market development strategy, companies try to expand into new markets like new buyers using their existing offerings. In product development strategy, businesses seek to create new products and services targeted at its existing buyers.

    In a diversification strategy, an organization tries to grow its market share by introducing new product offerings while at the same time entering a new market. Diversification is the most-risky approach due to simultaneous making new changes (new product, new market). Kotler and Keller further maintain the difficulty of sustainable product success: “It is increasingly difficult to identify blockbuster products that will transform a market, but continuous innovation can force competitors to play catch-up.” The concept sounds easy. However, it is riddled with problems.

    Without a doubt, many companies know that product development is a risky business. Although many consumers will proudly proclaim the success of many innovative products like Apple and Google, these same buyers are not aware of the numerous product launch failures in this country. In our discussion, I demonstrated the importance of product development for the growth of businesses, especially in a competitive market. Failures often lead to innovation.

    American great inventor, Thomas Edison, had his own share of failures, but learned how to innovate because of them: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Likewise, today’s businesses can also achieve success if they understand how to deploy their products and services to the marketplace strategically. Although there is enormous danger in failure, there is also the opportunity of unforeseen growth. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

    © 2017 by DD Green

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    Source by Dr. Daryl D. Green

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  • The Four Horsemen of Marital Apocalypse

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    Stop to consider your last fight with your spouse. The exact subject may escape you at the moment. We understand. After a while, the spats – over bills, your job, in-laws or the dishes still in the sink – can all blur together. But contrary to popular belief, it’s not the amount of conflict in your marriage or what you argue about that determines your relationship’s survival rate. to marriage researchers, how a couple fights tends to be the best predicator of whether they’ll end up enjoying their golden years together or battling it out in divorce court. So learning to fight less may not be quite as important as learning to fight fair.

    Four Deadly Sins of Marriage

    Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington, one of the foremost marriage researchers, claims he can predict with 90 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce. In his storied “love lab,” Gottman studies how couples interact, particularly how they communicate with each other in heated moments. After 30 years of research, he has pinpointed four behaviors that seem to invariably spell disaster in any marriage. He ominously refers to them as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Every couple needs to be vigilant and ensure none of the four gallop into their marriage and wreak irreversible havoc.

    Horseman #1: Criticism

    The most common horseman that emerges in long-term relationships is criticism. Frustrations, annoyances and resentment inevitably build up when couples live together – day in and day out. And criticism can be how these emotions manifest in the heat of an argument.

    Note that criticism differs from complaining. Criticism focuses on the person. Complaining focuses on the behavior. This may seem like subtle nuance but research shows it is a distinction that makes a significant difference in the long term. For example, this is a critical statement: “You always drive around in circles. You are an awful driver with a terrible sense of direction.” These words are dripping with blame and accusation. They are a personal attack.

    Unlike criticism, complaining has more to do with how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Complaining usually begins with an “I” instead of “you”: “I get so frustrated when you are driving and don’t know where you are going.” See the difference? The second statement is a negative comment about something you wish were otherwise. So though “I” statements can seem awkward, they really help keep the carnage manageable during explosive moments.

    Horseman #2: Contempt

    You’re an idiot. You can’t do anything right. You make me sick. These contemptuous words have no place in any relationship you value. They are meant to explicitly humiliate or wound. They are toxic and indefensible. Period.

    Contempt includes but is not limited to name-calling, hostility and sarcasm. Keep in mind that contempt can also be conveyed non-verbally. An excessively harsh tone or disgusted eye roll can escalate your garden-variety argument into WWIII in the blink of an eye. Avoid contempt in your arguments at all cost. It is the basest, most childish tactic to resort to in a fight. Strive to respect your wife even when you disagree or feel upset with her. Contempt is like a poison. It will single-handedly erode intimacy. It destroys a sense of security and mutual respect. It does real damage because it makes a partner feel belittled and unloved.

    Horseman #3: Defensiveness

    Criticism+Contempt=Defensiveness. Defensive statements become practically an involuntary reflex in homes where contempt and criticism are regular visitors. It is understandable. After all, who wouldn’t put up their guard in response to an accusatory, belittling spouse? Defensiveness is fundamentally a self-preserving tactic.

    As understandable as this response can be, it is still hugely destructive. It builds walls. Rather than allow room for connectedness, the foundation for conflict resolution, it tends to breed emotional distance. Defensiveness blocks healing and forgiveness.

    Horseman #4: Stonewalling

    Because stonewalling is not explicitly aggressive, couples often underestimate its destructive potential. But it can be just as devastating to a relationship in its passiveness. It is, in effect, giving up. It is withdrawing emotionally. It is essentially closing the door to a resolution.

    Stonewallers withdraw partly because they can feel overwhelmed with emotion. They may keep their faces expressionless, avoid eye contact, hold their posture rigid, avoid any signs of listening such as nodding or encouraging sounds. They radiate icy distance and disapproval to their partners.

    The Secret to Fighting Fair

    Now that you know the four horsemen, make a conscious effort to keep them in the stable before they trample your marriage. One of the best ways to do this is to make “repair attempts” during your next argument. According to Gottman, repair attempts are any words or actions that prevent a conflict from escalating out of control. As simple as it sounds, repair attempts keep a marriage from becoming negative, hostile and distant.

    Repair attempts can be as basic as changing the topic, giving a compliment, apologizing or saying, “I’ve been cranky all day, can we start over?” It can be as simple as saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this” or cracking a joke to diffuse tension. Research even shows couples who touch during arguments also tend to show higher relationship satisfaction. Do whatever works for you when conflict rears its ugly head.

    Remember, the more entrenched the negative patterns of behavior in your marriage become, the more difficult it becomes to break them. Don’t become a victim of these negative cycles. When two mature people can take ownership and be flexible, they will keep their marriage strong even though they may not always agree. As a Scottish proverb says, “Better bend than break.”

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    Source by Grant Langston

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  • Effective Restaurant Training Techniques: Jump-Start Your Training Program Today

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    I have seen different types of training techniques for restaurant staff. Some restaurants send new hires to their corporate training school; others hire experienced staff thinking they already know how to work that position. I think all new staff members should receive quality training regardless of previous experience.

    Each role in a restaurant is important for the restaurant’s success!

    Management must be able to work in every position. Their knowledge of each job is vital. Managers must step into those other roles to maintain customer service. Some reasons could be if there is a call-out, or if the sales are higher than projected.

    If people tell you that managing a restaurant is easy, they are dead wrong. In-fact it is the most difficult position in the restaurant. Running a restaurant is challenging; management needs to be able to multitask, give direction, and follow-up on that direction. Managers must be able to retain large amounts of information and make quick decisions and be ready to step into any position.

    Managers are not born to run a restaurant; they are developed into that position. The same goes for the rest of the staff. Train the management staff, then the trainers. Management will oversee the trainers as they train the rest of the staff.

    The most effective restaurant training techniques are:

    • Show-Do-Review: The trainer shows the staff member how to do the task. Then the trainer observes the trainee actually doing the task. After completion, they review the task together and the trainer gives feedback to the new hire. The Show-Do-Review technique is especially effective in learning recipes, kitchen duties, cleaning tasks, or service tasks.

    • The Memory Game: Once the new hire has some understanding of their new job, the trainer shadows the staff member and helps the new hire remember different key components of the job. Periodically the trainer will ask the trainee a question. If the trainee does not answer the question correctly, then the trainer will provide the answer. The trainer will continually repeat the question all throughout the day or night until the trainee answers it correctly. The purpose of the exercise is getting the staff member to retain the information. The Memory Game can be used to remember important food time and temperature, menu and recipe knowledge, service steps, or even manager responsibilities.

    • Role-Playing: Role-playing is one of the most effective training techniques to use in creating top-notch performers. Existing staff members and new hires experience real life situations and “learn by doing”. The trainees will experience “real life” situations in a simulated and controlled environment. This technique allows the trainer to evaluate the trainee’s strengths and areas to improve. This also helps to develop an action plan so that the trainee can overcome any obstacles to their success. “Practice make perfect.” This technique allows the employees to see different perspectives, build confidence, and form good habits. The trainer will observe the role-playing and my correct the staff members periodically to ensure they on the right path. Role-playing is a great technique for service staff and managers to learn the proper way to handle customer questions or complaints, how to approach a table, and the steps of service.

    • Shadowing: The trainee shadows the trainer, and the trainer shows the trainee the correct procedures in completing the assigned task. The trainer should ask open-ended questions in reference to the task. Once the trainee is more comfortable, then the trainer will shadow the employee. Communication between the staff members is crucial in developing the trainees. Shadowing could be used for nearly any role, especially on the first days and last days of training.

    Once the trainer evaluates the staff member and determines that the employee has mastered that position, then that person is ready to work independently.

    Management should observe or be involved in the training process to ensure that employee is receiving quality training. The general manager/owner oversees the managers. The general manager/owner may have the final say in whether a new employee is ready to work solo.

    Utilize any tool available to help achieve the training goals. During the training process using feedback or assessment forms can help track the quality of the training. Documenting the progress of the training and reviewing it with the employee will help the employee to know your expectations. It also gives you a paper trail of that particular employees training.

    Using a variety of training techniques for your restaurant is useful in getting all your staff on the same page. It also is more interesting than sitting down with someone and reading a scripted presentation. It will help you retain staff, because too many people are thrown into their jobs without the proper training and get frustrated and quit. Having a training program that is easy and effective is important in your restaurant’s success.

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    Source by Jeffrey Schim

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  • Cervical Traction: The Best Way to Heal a Sore Neck

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    Traction is a centuries old treatment that has been administered by chiropractors for healing conditions like a sore neck or a sore back. Alternately, traction therapy may be used for decompressing any of the ailing joints.

    Who Can Use Traction Therapy

    Traction may broadly be seen as application of continuous force to stretch the spine. It is also very often used and is highly effective for treatment of musculoskeletal conditions, i.e. injuries that are not externally visible, but involve muscles, ligaments, joints, tendons, nerves, bones or the supporting structures. For muscular disorders, including muscle spasms, dislocation or for fracture, traction therapy can be very useful, and is often applied for arms, legs, back or neck.

    Traction Therapy for Neck related Issues

    In particular, traction therapy can be greatly effective for neck related problems. While neck traction is very often applied to ensure pain relief, there are various mechanisms by which it heals the neck.

    1. When traction is applied on the neck, soft tissues and joints are mobilized in the cervical spine.

    2. Alternately, it relieves pressure from the pinched nerve root by applying decompressive forces,

    3. And also reduces herniations on the spine.

    4. By applying traction, one can align any dislocations in the cervical spine, and this can effectively stabilize an injury in the cervical spine.

    5. And for anyone who has a faulty neck posture, such as the forward head posture, home traction therapy can enable the patient to get the curve in the neck again.

    6. This also works very well for anyone who suffers from conditions like military neck, wherein the curve of the neck is not bent forward, as it should ideally be. When a patient suffers from military neck, the curve of the neck is either straight or bent backwards, and with cervical traction, the patient benefits in the long term. Cervical traction not just ensures pain relief for the patient, but also increases the cervical range of motion, such that the patient can comfortably return to everyday activities.

    If one is able to treat a sore neck at home, it simply speeds up the healing process, and might even suffice in terms of treatment. Home cervical traction is advantageous because while it ensures long term pain relief, it is a non invasive treatment methodology.

    When cervical traction is administered, it relieves neck pain by stretching the soft tissue, or the tissues such as tendons, ligaments and fibrous tissue which surround, connect or support the backbone. This in turn works towards separating the spinal joint structures and ensures pain relief.

    With constant traction, the muscles are fatigued out, and the strain then rests on the joints. So with traction, the joint spaces are widened, and this induces pain relief as pressure on the cervical nerves is reduced.

    Cervical Traction: Is It Painful?

    People often wonder if traction therapy or traction devices in particular are painful. But traction therapy has been in prominence for centuries, and has worked very effectively for healing conditions like a stiff neck.

    Moreover, nowadays one can find some highly refined cervical traction devices which allow the patient to himself control the pressure. These are air inflated devices which work using a hand operated air pump, and allow the patient to adjust the air pressure to suit his needs and comfort levels.

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    Source by Harshad Jethra

    Views: 0