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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Multi Level, Affiliate, Joint Venture, or Network Marketing: What’s the Difference?

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    Have you been online and noticed all the ads and “hoopla” about Multi Level Marketing, Affiliate Marketing, or Joint Venture (JV) Marketing and wondering what the difference is? These three terms alone are everywhere, especially when it comes to making revenue online, and are synonymous with the term Network Marketing, where we all “network” with each other to make sales conversions.

    There are many terms and confusing explanations. Here’s my view.

    Multi Level Marketing may also be called Direct Sales Companies. A few of these that come to mind are companies like, Amway, Mary Kay, thirty-one, and Tupperware. These companies build their businesses by recruiting sales associates, or independent consultants, to join the “team” under them.

    The associates in turn recruit others to sell the products, and recruit consultants likewise. Their commissions are paid on a tiered scale. The amount of your pay depends on the place you’re at in the company and how many recruits you have under you. The higher your level in the company the more percentage of commissions you take on your sales and on the associates under you.

    Some may get the MLM confused with a pyramid. Here’s the difference: MLM’s have a legitimate product to sell you, and have low enrollment fees; a pyramid has high enrollment fees, and does not have a product to sell you. Plus, pyramids are illegal.

    Affiliate Marketing brings to mind companies like Amazon, ClickBank, Google AdSense. These type of companies have established sites with vendors already in place, where you can sign up as an affiliate, promote vendor products and be compensated for it.

    Joint Venture products brings to mind companies like Dow Corning (Dow Chemicals and Corning), Sony Ericsson (Sony Corporation and Ericsson Mobile Phones). With JV marketing you are joining with a partner to develop and/or promote a product. Another term that is used is “co-venturing.” These companies share expenses, revenues and assets.

    Some say that MLM’s, Affiliate and JV Marketing are the same. I feel that there is a slight difference between the three. Again, here’s my view.

    To recap:

    • With MLM’s you are recruiting associates, or consultants under you, while selling products.
    • With Affiliate Marketing you are taking a product that has already been developed and are helping someone else promote it, while sharing commissions on the sold product.
    • With JV Marketing you are joining with a partner to develop, promote, and sell your product, while sharing expenses, revenues and assets.
    • These can all fall into Network Marketing because you can “network” with others to bring about your results.

    Whichever marketing strategy you use is all up to your individual preference and gifts. Now that you know the differences, find the ones you like, and start generating your revenue! There are more opportunities than you can imagine.

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    Source by BG Jenkins

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  • Lower Your High Blood Pressure Naturally: 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

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    When you were diagnosed with high blood pressure you were almost certainly advised to lose weight, take more exercise and to improve your diet. That sagely advice was most likely coupled with a prescription for synthetic anti-hypertension medication. Over recent years, research has shown that some natural treatments are just as effective as prescription medicine. This begs the question: Is there something doctors are not telling us?

    The truth is that there is a great deal we are not being told about how our condition can be treated. That is due in part to:

    • the way doctors are trained;
    • the reliance of medical services on pharmaceutical products; and
    • a general lack of understanding of natural remedies.

    The irony is that the pharmaceutical companies develop products that mimic the effects of these natural hypertension remedies.

    The 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

    Secret #1: Hypertension is not a disease.It is in fact a vital sign telling you that there is something wrong inside your body that is elevating your blood pressure.

    Secret #2: The only way to “cure” your condition is by dealing with the underlying cause or causes. Your doctor prescribes medication to manage your condition because he or she does not have the time to investigate every possible cause.

    Secret #3: In many cases, lifestyle factors contribute to or even cause our condition. We do not need medication to improve our lifestyle choices.

    Secret #4:The medications prescribed by your doctor only treat the symptom, not the problem.

    Secret #5: Adopt and follow the principles contained in the Dietary Advice to Stop Hypertension (the DASH diet). There is reliable evidence that this advice, if strictly followed can lower your BP readings to within normal levels in as little as three weeks. Even if it takes longer, the evidence suggests that the diet makes the medication you are taking more effective, resulting in a lower dosage being required.

    Secret #6: Eat three or four cloves of fresh garlic a day or take a good quality supplement.Our blood pressure rises as our body increases production of the angiotensin converting enzyme (ACE). Garlic contains a natural ACE inhibitor. This, combined with the high amounts of allicin found in garlic give it its ability to dilate arteries, thereby lowering our blood pressure.If ACE inhibitors sound familiar to you it is because synthetic versions are often prescribed to manage your condition.

    Secret #7: Keep properly hydrated.The general advice is that our bodies need two litres of water a day to maintain health. You can substitute fresh home-made juices, such as beetroot, carrot, celery or cranberry for part of this daily requirement as these are known to lower blood pressure.

    Secret #8: Replace your caffeinated drinks with green tea. For people with our condition, having caffeinated drinks is like throwing gasoline onto a fire. Green tea is low in caffeine and is loaded with antioxidants that have been shown to reduce hypertension.

    Secret #9: Drink an infusion made from extract of hawthorn each day. Hawthorn is another powerful natural ACE inhibitor. It is also a mild diuretic that lowers blood volume. Synthetic diuretics are another medication commonly prescribed to manage your condition. Sometimes they are used in combination with other medications such as ACE inhibitors.

    Secret #10: Relieve stress. It is well-known that stress can cause hypertension. Try some deep breathing exercises, reading a book, or listening to tranquil music. Practicing meditation or deep relaxation are also effective ways of eliminating physical and mental stress, thereby reducing hypertension.

    Now you know these 10 hypertension secrets your doctor has not told you, you can review how your condition is being treated. Lowering your high blood pressure to normal levels naturally is not only possible, it is not difficult.

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    Source by Robert Reddin

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  • Facial Tattoo Meanings

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    Tattoos have always had symbolic meaning both to the the wearer and to the society they live in. As tattooing has exploded in popularity much of the original tattoo symbolism has fallen by the way side.While many tattoo designs have completely lost there original meanings, facial tattooing has remained taboo. This has allowed its symbolism to remain mostly intact.

    The tattooed tear drop under the eye dates back to at least the 1960’s and it symbolism varies depending on the placement on the face and if the tear drop is filled in or empty. An empty tear drop most often symbolizes that the wearer has lost a loved one and they are permanently crying, but the empty tear drop can also symbolize a longing for revenge. If this revenge is carried out in the form of murder the tear drop tattoo is then filled in.

    Also placed under the eye but with a less cryptic meaning is a dollar sign. The dollar sign symbolizes that money is all the wearer can see. The symbol began popping up around the early 1990’s and is most often seen on southern gang members, though the tattoo has crossed over and several entertainers now wear it.

    A little known use for a cross tattoo design is to place it directly between the eyebrows on the bridge of the nose. This symbol,which started in New Orleans, symbolizes the wearer has committed at least five murders. Only worn by seasoned killers this tattoo design has not made the cross over into mainstream tattooing.

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    Source by Bobby Alexander

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  • Animal Spirit Guide – Panther Medicine – Astral Magic

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    Spirit of the dark moon,

    traveller of the astral world.

    Master magician,

    a seer of the nights secrets.

    Metaphysical Meaning

    Astral Travel, Spiritual, Secretive, Silent, Elegant, Valor, Connected to the Moon, Solitary, Feminine, Ancient Mysticism, The Crone ( Old wise woman ), Guardian Energy, Power and Strength, God of darkness, Courage, Old Soul, Reclamation of power, Superior telepathic communication, Loners, Visionary, Shape shifter, Sensuality, Distant Healing, No Fear, Alchemy, The Goddess, Self empowerment, Symbol of the shaman.

    Spiritual Symbolism

    Panther augers a time of awakening and uplifting the inner passions which drive our own personal life force. Panther medicine amplifies all the senses and redirects our psychic spiritual energy, to create a highly focused manifestation, seen by others as personal power and magic. Panther spirit symbolizes settling into your own self, being comfortable with yourself bringing forth great personal power. Panther allows us to recognize our own personal sense of purpose in life, and develop a strong spiritual understanding of why you are here.

    A Black Panther maybe smaller than lions and tigers but are the mightier aggressors with superior talent. Panther asks us to look deep into our dark feminine side, our fears, secrets and subconscious. If we learn to become comfortable with our dark side, it will bring healing light to the hidden sides of ourselves. The path of the hero is undertaken by the panther spirit.

    Totem Animal / Spirit Guide

    Panther spirit people encourage others positively through their own zest for life and quest for realizing ones dreams and desires. Panther reminds us to release our fears acknowledge our own power and accept our dark shadow selves. Panther helps in honoring ones own feelings. Panther spirit people have contained in them, the knowledge of the cosmos and other worlds, communicating with beings on an astral level.

    Out of body experiences accompany panther as your spirit guide, her medicine is extremely powerful, magically transferring this to you, allowing a state in which astral travel is not only achievable, but controllable too. Panther spirit people have a healing element behind the look in their eyes, giving way to telepathic healing. On the other hand a panthers stare is transfixing, slightly hypnotic and will instill the fear of death inside of the one looking back at her. Panther spirit people are often prophets and healers with universal insight.

    Mythology from around the world

    Native American Indians the Tucano of the amazon, thought the roar of the panther was the roar of thunder. Symbolizing black panther as the god of darkness causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. In Egyptian mythology the panther is connected with the Crone of the crossroads, Hecate. In China Panthers were embroidered on the robes of Generals in the belief that the Panther’s valor and ferocity would be passed on to the wearer.

    Within the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the king Pepi must pass through the ceiling of heaven wearing his panther skin. Draping the skin across his shoulders symbolized he had eliminated his desires for the earthly realm and its materialistic energy.

    How do you know if Panther is needed in your life or is your spirit guide?

    If you feel as though you need to protect someone in your life at the moment, panther spirit is lurking, offering her assistance. Having Panther come to you in your dreams is a strong message that she wishes you to observe her medicine. Nightmares or frightening dreams of panther is not negative it simply means you are not accepting nor seeing clearly your true self. Being passionate about panthers is a sign you have a connection with her. Being given unknowingly a picture or ornament of panther is a sign of her presence and a spiritual message to study her magic.

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    Source by Ian G Scott

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  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0

  • What Do You Think When You Hear The Word Success?

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    Success… It is repetitious… It is as easy as following proven steps… No different from K-12… Only difference is your education is put to the side and the knowledge of life becomes self-driven with determination. You become a part of your inner being. The old ignorant self of you begins to diminish and becomes a past erased. It becomes a tool instead of an excuse. You become a product of your environment in any circle you choose to be in…

    So should you choose to be successful, you only fraternize with like-minded people who are making a move forward. With an idea, faith, or negative changing positives. Your world and how you choose to live it is in YOUR hands. The way you choose to make your bed in the morning is how you lay in it.

    Success… It is something that is self-attainable through being involved with your own kind to build a strong case or strong foundation for which the environment you live in.

    Success… It is the reaction after you fail. Aaliyah said it best, “If at first you don’t succeed. Dust yourself off and try again.” An inspirational song with a meaningful message. It is what I call the dreamer anthem. Humans make mistakes or take wrong turns in life. It is how they articulate a new path and trying to distinguish a stop sign from a freeway.

    Let’s face it; it’s easier to get on the freeway to get somewhere. More gas for your mile and more time spent doing other things.

    The back roads are for leisure.

    You have to be willing to leverage you. Leverage the work with a team as a collective energy.

    Success… It is a building. It can be your cardboard box, your cottage or mansion. Depending on your goals and how you obtain the building materials to house your mission.

    I have been reading, The 250 Personal Finance Questions Everyone Should Ask, the author Peter Sander types the question, “What personal character traits are required for financial success?” Then he goes on to mention a few simple steps. Awareness is a key component to keeping track of your current finances. Step two, have the Commitment to carry out the plan that you put in place. Finally, in step three he mentions Control, the most important tool because temptations are the devil (Bobby Bouchey voice)… LOL! In a sentence or two he mentions how you have to look at the bigger picture of your plan.

    One powerful book to sit down and read.

    Success… It has a following. It is your Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to life. Of course it filters out the nonsense. You can’t bring all of Yo momma this and into your life but, the concept is merely a metaphor. People who follow you they follow you because they are attracted to your content. You become a brand. You have the appearance of success. Your following goes where you go.

    Lastly, Success… It is a lifestyle. It’s how you wake up in the morning. It is the way you stare at yourself in the mirror. It is type of food that your body takes in. It is the way you risk your life for happiness. You can be anything you want to be. You have to make the decision for YOU. Everything in life starts with you. “Life is what you make it.” So live in 2013 making your actions ring and you will be rewarded with a feeling that can’t be replaced by money any day. I’m going to end this with a great quote.

    “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. “

    -Bruce Le

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    Source by Tyshaun M Taylor

    Views: 0

  • Is MLM Dead? Top 5 Reasons Multi-Level Marketing is on Its Way Out!

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    What a simple question to answer. Right? Not a chance. How in the world can a sixty year old business model shrivel up and disappear? The truth of the matter is that Multi-Level Marketing or MLM has its place in society. The problem is, this model is totally antiquainted and just doesn’t deliver as promised. At the beginning, MLM was revolutionary and literally changed the face of business. Due to technology advances and computerization, the limitations that come along with the MLM structure and associated compensation plans, have MLM’s days numbered.

    What does this mean for the companies that have built there businesses around MLM? For now, it means that the the business consultants that are earning a substantial income will continue earning, less and less as their downlines shrink and are not replenished due to more sophisticated and much more lucrative comp plans. This has already begun and will pick up momentum as people get educated about the alternatives.

    So what are the limitations that have MLM begging for mercy? Lets look at the top five reasons that the extinction of Multi-Level Marketing is inevitable.

    1) Expiring Volume- Before computers, all sales had to be calculated and tracked by humans, which means that mistakes and errors occurred. The longer the errors were carried over, the more of an impact they would have as they compounded. This is the reason that volume expires at the end of every month and the counters start at zero again. Obviously computers have been available for at least 20 years, so why do these companies continue to have expiring volume? a better question is, why do new companies continue to use models that have expiring volume? The answer is that companies that predate personal computers can’t change without shortchanging their highest paid affiliates and newer companies that have volume that expires every month should never have started doing things this way. Either way, it makes it very difficult for average people to succeed this way.

    2) Horizontal Growth- In many cases the strategy that is employed is to start a new line of distribution with every business partner a leader “signs up”. In other words, you are creating a competitor out of all of your personally sponsored partners. Now they are not a competitor of yours of course but they are all competitors of each other and that creates a few problems. It is very difficult for most people to manage many organizations(most MLM’s suggest 6-15 or more organizations). It creates a sense of competition rather than team synergy. It separates people who should be in the same organizations one another.(family members, friends or co-workers). Lastly and probably most importantly, it splits the sales volume up between all of the “legs” which makes it much more difficult for your teammates to earn money.

    3) Organization built in “levels”- The major limitation of organizations built in levels is that no matter what happens or which business partners thrive, the leader is only able to get credit for so many levels of growth. What this means is that if and when any “leg” grows below the level in which the leader is given credit, there is a much less motivation of the leader to train that leg in depth. The biggest problem however is that often times it takes people leading to people leading to people in order for a new leader to emerge. I that process happens at a level below what the MLM’s compensation plan will pay on, the leader is just plain out of luck. Wow, imagine working day after day, week after week and month after month training a leg or team. The training pays off, growth happens and it is very exciting. As is supposed to occur, people lead to people and a superstar is brought into the team. It just so happens that the superstar is one level below what you are paid on and your just out of luck. THAT SU__KS!!!!!!!!

    4) Commission structured in percentages- All the limitations with levels discussed above are still an issue. The problems are compounded when the commissions or payments are calculated using percentages based on levels. As the level increases the percentage paid generally decreases. This reinforces the competition of teams and teammates and also puts the leader in the position where recruiting must continue in order to get large pay increases. If the leaders are concentrating on prospecting and recruiting new partners for themselves, how much time do they have for educating their downline? Not much and even if there was the time, how much motivation does a leader have to train partners that he is paid very small percentages on.

    5) Sign up game- Because of the structure of MLM’s and the philosophy of business plans, most of the emphasis is put on recruiting new partners and not on moving products or services to the end consumer. This limits the amount of volume that each partner produces. The focus of Multi-Level Marketing is to get anyone who can fog a mirror “signed up” and worry about whether they are qualified later. This aids in the high level of attrition and fallout that occurs in MLM. Attrition is is the other major factor that leads to limited commissions and the discouragement that is so common when talking with ex Multi-Level Marketers.

    The forgone conclusion with most MLM companies compensation plans is that because of the limitations noted above, expiring volume, horizontal growth, building in levels, paying in percentages and the sign up game mentality, they are just not designed for the “average” person to succeed. The business models are designed around what the company wants or expects from their distributors and not what can realistically be expected.

    At the end of the day, the vast Majority of people (approx 95-98%) that start a Multi-Level Marketing business never make a penny. Sure, they may earn a few two digit or three digit checks but for most it never amounts to even close to what has been invested. Thankfully we are not stuck in the 50’s or 60’s and there are new and improved compensation systems that do away with all of the drawbacks of MLM and truly give ordinary people who have some level of motivation and determination a real opportunity to set themselves free.

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    Source by Chris Olejniczak

    Views: 0

  • Review of Secrets of Self-Made Millionaire Book by Adam Khoo

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    This is the first Adam Khoo book I bought, and it really caught my attention. I have heard of Adam Khoo on numerous occasions and wonder what he is like running a few successful businesses making him a self-made millionaire.

    Adam did not immediately dive in to explain the methods he used to achieve great wealth. Instead, he explained how self-made millionaires think which allows them to see opportunities where others see problems. Once you adopt the habits of a millionaire, a whole new world will begin to open to you and is fundamental to wealth creation.

    The next fundamental aspect I learned from Adam about wealth creation is to set crystal clear financial goals. All of the millionaires, billionaires in the world have at some stage of their life decided that they wanted to be rich. From there, the rich will create high level financial goals for themselves to reach within a certain time frame and a specific whole figure is often used as their target. Lets say you want to increase your monthly income to a higher figure, you need to change your strategy.

    With the goals and target set, you create a plan and execute it accordingly. If your goal is to achieve a targeted portfolio, in your plan you will provide how much you need to save and invest each month along with the rate of returns to reach your target in the allocated time frame. If your goal is to increase your monthly income, in your plan you will provide the methods of increasing your primary income source along with any other income source you need to start anew.

    With the financial plan created, you will find that it is going to be a steep uphill task to achieve the targets set in your plan. Many people give up without achieving their dreams. How do you increase your income at the rate that will allow you to achieve your targets? That’s where Adam teaches us how to massively increase our income in any career along with creating a home based internet business.

    Increasing your income in only one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is to reduce expenses. Many people get into serious debt no matter how much income they earned because they failed to manage their expenses, spending more than they earn. It is even easier to get into debt when salespeople from banks constantly push you to sign up for their credit cards. Adam illustrates the essential money skills you need to have and how to reduce expenses without lowering your current standard of living.

    When you increase your income and reduce your expenses, you will have surplus funds. We have to put this surplus funds to work for us instead of just working hard and saving alone which will not make us wealthy. Using the theory of compounding, you can turn small amounts of money into a huge amount over time with discipline. All rich people use investment vehicles to help them create their wealth and the stock market is one such vehicle. They understand both the risk and returns of the stock market allowing them to achieve returns in the range of 15%-25%.

    Last but not least we need to know how to protect our wealth after spending so much time and effort to build it. Unforeseen circumstances can happen and wipe out our wealth if we are not prepared for it. The rich always engage experts to help them protect their wealth from unscrupulous people.

    I highly recommend Adam Khoo’s Secrets of self-made millionaires if you want to learn how to build extraordinary wealth using multiple sources of income. Many areas of his book have exercises for you to practice what he has taught to accelerate your wealth creation. Get his book now!

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    Source by Raymond Heng

    Views: 0

  • Astrological Combinations For Riches

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    There are various combinations for the riches in the horoscopes. Let us see which are the combinations for the big riches.

    A person born in a poor family having the following combination in the horoscope is sure to be a very rich person:-

    1. Jupiter is in the Quadrant in Cancer, Saggitarius or Pisces signs.

    2. Moon is in the 2nd, 8th, 10th or 11th house, in the sign of Taurus, Cancer, Saggitarius or Pisces signs.

    3. Mercury is in 2nd or 10th houses in the sign of Gemini or Virgo.

    4. Mars is in the 4th, 10th or 11th house in the sign of Capricorn.

    5. Venus is in the 2nd, 9th, 10th or 11th house in the sign of Taurus, Libra or Pisces.

    6. Saturn is in the 4th, 5th or 11th house in the sign of Acquarius or Libra.

    Saggitarius or Pisces

    If the Ascendent is Aries or cancer:- And the Sun is in the Ascendent, 3rd, 10th or 11th house and Saturn is in the 4th or 7th house in Libra,and Mercury and Venus are in 2nd house in Taurus then, the native is bound to be a very rich person.

    If the lord of Quadrent is in the Trine and Lord of Trine is in the Quadrent, or both are either in the

    Quadrant or in the Trine, the native is a very rich person.

    If a native has Cancer as his Ascendent and has Saturn in the 4th house (Libra), Mars in the 7th house

    (Capricorn), Sun in the 10th house (Aries), he is also very rich.

    Astrologically, in a horoscope the lord of 11th house is the main planet to give income.

    A person will become very rich, through share market or speculation, if saturn is positioned in the 11th house in signs Libra or Acquarius.

    If Saturn (in sign Libra), or Mercury (in sign Virgo) or Moon (in sign Taurus) is positioned in the 11th house, the native earns huge wealth through the manufacture of machineries.

    Besides, in a horoscope, the 2nd house is the house of wealth.

    If the 2nd house is positioned by Venus in Taurus or Pisces, the native, becomes very rich through the

    business of white commodities like Silver, Cotton, Cotton Mills, Sugar.

    In a horoscope, 5th house is the house of speculation. If the 5th house is positioned by the Sun (in the signs Aries or Leo) or Jupiter (in the sign Cancer or Saggitarius), the native will get the huge money from race course and/or lotteries.

    In a horocope the 10th house is the house of Karma,

    If Saturn is situated in the 10th house in the sign of Libra or Acquarius,the native becomes rich through the business of oils.

    In a horoscope, the 8th house is the 11th (house of gains) from the 10th house (house of Karma), which if positioned by planets Moon (in sign Taurus), Mercury (in sign Virgo), Jupiter (in sign Cancer) or Venus (in sign Pisces), the native earns through speculation.

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    Source by Shashi Sharma

    Views: 0