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Customer Service Tips – How to Handle Irate Customers
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Are you ready to learn how to keep every guest happy? It starts with making sure that your managers are thoroughly trained in every position within your restaurant. They need to know all the jobs, so they can step in if someone calls off sick, or if sales are higher than expected.

The manager needs to be highly trained in excellent customer service. This type of service is called “wow” service because your customers will say “Wow!” about their experience at your restaurant.

One way to easily accomplish that “wow” experience is simply by telling your managers that every time they are in direct contact with any guest, that they are smiling, being friendly and attentive to the guests. If a famous person was coming to your restaurant, how would you treat that person? Every guest should be receive that same VIP treatment.

In case of a dissatisfied, angry, or irate customers, we recommend applying the GLAD technique. This will dramatically decrease customer related matters, and lead to customer recovery.

What is the GLAD Technique?
1. Go to the guest
2. Listen carefully to the guest
3. Apologize to the guest
4. Do what it takes to solve the problem
When approaching the upset customer, always shows genuine concern. It is important to listen to the guest without cutting them off. Make sure that you take the time to fully understand their concerns. Remain calm. Responding to anger in a calm manner may help reduce the person’s anxiety. Don’t be fake, be real.

Always apologize to the guest, even if the customer is wrong. Even when you are certain the person is wrong, go with the mindset that the person is right. Never offer excuses as to why the problem occurred, but offer solutions instead.

Solutions will vary depending on the complaint and the circumstances. Offer a solution and ask if this will meet the customer’s needs. Go above and beyond. Remember, one angry customer leads to other lost customers. Keep in mind that for each customer you lose, you will lose 11 customers within the next few weeks. That number will compound because those 11 people will also repeat what they heard from the first customer. Ultimately you could be losing hundreds of customers because of one dissatisfied customer. If the matter is serious, you could even lose your restaurant’s reputation, and the restaurant could end up being shut down.

Every customer that leaves your restaurant tells family, friends and co-workers about the experience at your restaurant. If the experience was mediocre they won’t say anything, but if it was very good experience at your restaurant they will tell others. If it was a negative experience and they walked out dissatisfied, then the reputation of your restaurant will be impacted. Negative feedback from your customers could mean the end of your business. Don’t underestimate the power of the word-of-mouth effect. Word-of-mouth will work with you or against you depending on the guest’s experience.

Do you really want to lose business because of customer complaints? Teaching effective customer service techniques to your managers and staff should be at the top of your to-do list.

Teach your managers to be proactive in preventing customer related matters. Manager presence in the dining room is a wonderful path to reduce customer complaints. The manager should spend at least 80% of his/her time in the dining room, and only 10% in the manager’s office.

The manager also needs to physically approach each customer’s table to ensure that WOW guest service is in effect. The manager also needs to learn how to detect negative body language and how to express positive body language.

How do customers show their dissatisfaction with their body language?
- When you are in direct eye-to-eye contact, you can witness the anger in the customer’s eyes.
- Seeing untouched food, especially when everybody at the table ate their food, except the one customer who barely touched his or her food.
- The manager asks the customer, “So how was your meal and service tonight?” The customer replies, “It’s okay”. If the customer was fully satisfied with both the service and the meal they may say it was “terrific” or “great,” not just “okay.”
- When you look at a guest and you get an uncomfortable “gut” feeling, act on that feeling.
- You see a customer looking around as though they want someone to help them. You may even see them glaring at a server speaking with other customers.
What is your body language saying?
- Always use direct eye contact when talking to your guests. Never look away while you are talking to your guest. Looking away gives the impression that you are not interested in what the other person has to say.
- Never cross your arms when talking to guests, this could be interpreted as shutting them out or anger.
- Never roll your eyes, as this is very disrespectful and it appears that you are belittling their concerns.
- Constantly listen to the guest even if they are angry. It may help to allow the person to vent their anger. Always acknowledge their feelings.
- Ask the customer what would improve the visit to your restaurant.
What do you do with Moody Customers?

This is your opportunity to turn around the customer’s mood from a bad to good. Make certain that you are on top of things and pay attention to details. If you have any concerns about their experience, you may even offer the table a free appetizer or dessert. It may seem like you are losing money by “giving away” food or “discounting” their meals; however, you will lose more money from each lost customer than you will for that one food item or meal. If you successfully turn things around, then you may create repeat business. Kindness and consideration of their needs will often overcome their anger.

A wise person said, “How you handle positive feedback is important, but it is more important to know how to handle negative feedback.” Make sure you tell the customers that you appreciate the fact that they took the time to tell you about their experience. Don’t make excuses, instead find solutions. Don’t disagree with the customer, even if you know the guest is wrong.

If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them again and again.

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Source by Donna Schim

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February 5, 2020
3 Attitudes You Need To Make Marital Conflict Resolution Work

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One of the biggest contributors to divorce is fatigue and emotional exhaustion. Couples allow things to get so bad that by the time meaningful intervention is sought one or both are unwilling to do what is necessary. You might finally have a solution that works but no longer have the strength or will to act.

It is very sad when you see a couple get to the point where they lose the will to keep trying. Your attitude will add energy to your relationship or add fuel to the many unresolved conflict causing issues. Trying to do the right thing with the wrong attitude will not bring back the love and passion in your marriage. The 3 attitudes that will help repair, protect and save your marriage are:

An Attitude of Forgiveness

As issues are identified they will be directly or indirectly attached to you or your spouse in most instances. If you start seeing yourself or your spouse as ‘The Problem’ this opens doors for resentment. In order to move forward you must have a heart of forgiveness.

You must be mature enough mentally and emotionally to live out your vows of ‘for better or worse’. We must be able to wake up in the morning knowing that we will have an attitude of forgiveness towards any issue that may arise. Making a proactive decision to forgive prepares you mentally and emotionally to honestly deal with marital issues.

An Attitude of Friendship

One of the worst things about constant fights and conflict in marriage is feeling like you lost your best friend. You feel unable to freely express your love and affection. The home becomes a hostile environment that you want to avoid instead of a place of solace, love and passion.

In marriage you will not always like each other. One of the marriage killers is when a couple stops being friends. Making a proactive decision to remain friends reminds your mind to keep doing nice things for the person you fell in love with, while you are working through an issue. You instinctively want to do nice things for a friend so do not get in the habit of seeing your spouse as the enemy.

An Attitude of Fidelity

Divorce happens when one person decides the best option is to leave the marriage. They feel like it is no longer worth it to remain in the relationship. Identification, isolation and improvement have to do with your approach to conflict resolution. Forgiveness, friendship and fidelity have to do with love.

Marriages are built on love and managed by healthy approaches to everyday living and dealing with issues. It is difficult for a marriage to flourish in love when you have a list of things that will make you seek divorce. Making a proactive decision of fidelity reminds you of your commitment to work through every issue.

It is impossible for any issue to get the upper hand in your marriage when the attitudes of forgiveness, friendship and fidelity are the foundation of your relationship. Change your attitude and change the course of your marriage.

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Source by Kerwyn Joseph

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February 5, 2020
Women Managers Leaving Corporations for Entrepreneurship

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Increasingly, women managers are choosing to “opt out” when corporations fail to meet their professional needs. Opting out–the latest catch phrase within corporate circles–describes the growing trend of leaving corporate positions for alternative career paths.

A significant number of women managers are leaving large companies to start their own businesses. In fact,

women are quitting corporate jobs in favor of entrepreneurship at twice the rate of men, making a significant impact on the traditional and online marketplace, according to Cheskin Research, a California-based strategic market research and consulting company.

Recent research indicates interesting trends for women entrepreneurs. According to the Center for Women’s Business research, the number of women-owned U.S. businesses grew at twice the rate of all firms between 1997 and 2002. And the U.S. Small Business Administration reports that women-owned businesses account for 28 percent of all privately-owned companies. They employ 9.2 million people and contribute $2.38 trillion in revenue to the U.S. economy.

Why Women Managers are Leaving Corporate America?

Women used to be willing to devote their time, energy, and effort to the corporation’s needs–at the expense of meeting their own professional goals. But not anymore. They’re starting their own businesses in an effort to gain more freedom, recognition, money, opportunities and other rewards.

Fifty-one percent of women business owners with prior private-sector experience cite the desire for more flexibility as the major reason for leaving corporate positions, according to a study by Catalyst, a nonprofit research and advisory organization working to advance professional women. Twenty-nine percent said restrictive glass-ceiling issues drove them out the door. Of those women, 44 percent felt their contributions were not recognized or valued.

“As women walk out the door after years of training,” said Catalyst President Sheila Wellington, “what really walks out is the potential that those women would have brought to Corporate America.”

The Catalyst research–co-sponsored by the National Foundation for Women Business Owners, the Committee of 200, and Salomon Smith Barney–also revealed that:

o A third of the women surveyed by said they weren’t taken seriously by their employer or supervisor.

o Fifty-eight percent of them said that nothing would attract them back to the corporate world.

o Twenty-four percent said they could be lured back by more money, and 11 percent by greater flexibility.

Keeping Women in Corporations

Experts say corporate America isn’t doing enough to keep women from walking out the door. Companies need to focus on providing flexibility, as well as continuing challenges and opportunities for personal growth, to retain women whom they view as high-potential or who are already significant contributors, says Catalyst. In addition, companies should identify potential women managers early in their careers, reward women’s bottom-line contributions, and recruit female entrepreneurs to corporate boards and senior line positions.

Expanding opportunities for women in leadership will require corporate change, as well as accommodations on the part of women themselves. Corporate cultures must support initiatives such as giving women high-visibility assignments, making gender diversity a part of succession planning and holding managers accountable for women’s advancements.

Women managers can hone their leadership ability by seeking out risky, high profile assignments. If they need to strengthen their leadership skills to meet new challenges, they should consider hiring an executive coaching firm. For example, QuadWest Associates of Michigan offers a variety of business coaching and leadership development services to help executives optimize their skills and performance.

By investing in coaching services, women managers can position themselves to expand their boundaries. This can help them excel–whether they remain in a corporate setting or strike out on their own.

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Source by Susan West

Views: 0

February 4, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Emotional Upsets As We Age – Adult Health and Wellness

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As we age, it is more likely that we will eventually experience emotional upsets, loss and change. Many of us go from busy, full time workers or full time parents to partial workers, empty nesters and grandparents, to full time retirees, with or without a life partner, adequate financial resources, secure housing, or a network of close family and friends. We may move from a familiar neighborhood to a different retirement community. Friends, neighbors, close relatives and even our beloved house pets may become ill and pass away. Depending upon whether we have developed the positive mental attitudes, uplifting and life affirming spiritual connections, healthy lifestyle, social contacts, and continued passion for living – which researchers describe as the formula for healthy aging – we are more likely to suffer more from illness, disability and emotional instability as we age.

Complications of Emotional Upsets and Stress

Stress Accelerates Cellular Aging

Research is beginning to substantiate the devastating effects of long term stress on health and aging. Telomeres, the DNA-protein structures that cap the ends of chromosomes and promote genetic stability, appear to play important roles in cellular aging and disease. Elisa Epel and colleagues examined the effects of psychological stress on telomere maintenance in 58 healthy premenopausal women. Results, appearing in the December 1, 2004 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, indicate that the psychologically stressed women had shorter telomeres and less telomerase, a telomere producing enzyme which affects immune function cells in the blood.

Stressful Jobs Affect Health of the Elderly.

In workers over age 60, problems on the job raise blood pressure in although these older workers often claim to be less upset and less sad than younger employees when work problems hit. They seem to “feel” less emotion, but their bodies reveal greater stress factors. Older workers may be more vulnerable to heart and cardiovascular problems if they remain in high-pressure jobs or situations.

Emotional Stress May Precipitate Heart Problems

Emotional stress can precipitate severe left ventricular heart valve dysfunction in patients who do not apparently have coronary disease. This reversible condition, called myocardial stunning, cardiac stunning or myocardial stress, is brought on by severe emotional stress. Research corroborates the phenomenon that severe emotional stress and heartbreak, such as the break up, loss, or death of a a loved one, can release an onslaught of stress hormones that cause the heart muscle to contract and spasm, possibly leading to severe complications and even loss of life.

Emotions Affect Blood Cells

Photos of frozen water crystals imbued with different emotions appeared in the book, The Hidden Messages in Water by Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto. Inspired by these photos, Rebecca Marina attempted to replicate the experiment by having her own blood samples photographed on slides while she caused herself to feel specific emotions.

She focused first on sadness. In this photograph, her blood cells seemed to actually take on the formation of teardrops and were seen moving rapidly (rather than slowly and sluggishly as we might expect) with a lot of white blood cells predominant, more so than in a normal blood sample.

When she felt fear, the blood cells moved around rapidly and frantically with an increased number of white blood cells and then stopped moving rather abruptly, as if exhausted.

Feelings of love produced slower, more placid movement and some sparkly substance in the fluid. Interestingly, when she felt love, the blood cells on the “sadness” slide that had remained on the screen began to change. In other words, even when her blood was no longer inside her body, her feelings of love actually affected the movement, shape and quality of her blood cells on the slide.

But the most astounding effect was when she focused on Divine Mother or spiritual love and peace. The fluid part of the blood became clear, the movement of the cells was placid, and the cells were just gliding along. The white blood cells that showed had a white glowing center and a pulsation in that center almost like a heartbeat! And some of the cells actually took on a heart shape. (EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique Research)

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Source by Erica Goodstone, Ph.D.

Views: 0

January 31, 2020
Was Ever Vlad the Impaler (Dracula) In Love?

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A Dracula love scene is what a lot of people search for, but what about a true love story of the famous Prince? The character of Vlad Dracula III – Prince of Walachia in the XV century – was during the time the subject of many books, articles, movies, stories, etc. so that, more people could say that everything has been told about him. The truth is there are still a lot of important details about Prince Vlad’s real life, unknown to the large readers. Of course, it is pity to not be brought to the light for the audience! About Vlad Dracula Impaler everybody knows today that was a cruel person, a merciless impaler, and so on, but did you ever think that he could have been in love? Less people know that Prince Vlad Dracula III had also a romantic side!

A Transylvanian Chronicle from XIII century discovered in Brasov town- Romania, reveals rare details about the life of Vlad Dracula III during his stay in Brasov region between 1451-1456. Through other unique information about him, there is also one that refers to a deep Dracula love scene lived with a young beautiful German Saxon girl. You have to know that as a person, Vlad Dracula Impaler was a charming man! The other knights envied him not only for his ranks and bravery, but also for his physical appearance, for his charming green eyes “like of a dragon” as the chronicler Bonifinius noticed. The women felt attracted by him, so that except his two well known marriages, he had more love affairs, having also some illegitimate children. It is to know that before becoming ruler of Walachia in 1456, Vlad Dracula III was the military governor of Southern Transylvania for 5 years. Meanwhile, Vlad Dracula Impaler lived one of his greatest love affairs, with a beautiful German Saxon girl, named Katharina. Moreover, it is supposed that this relationship was one of the intrigue reasons that led to his arresting in the autumn of 1462 by Matei Corvin! How the things happened in this unique Dracula love scene?

It is about Katharina Siegel, the daughter of a weaver from Brasov town and one of the most beautiful girls in region, more Saxon knights pretending her heart. Well, my friend, according to the local custom, every family from the town should have assured by turn, the provisions for the soldiers who guarded every craft’s bulwark. In a frozen December morning of 1455, it was the turn of Siegel’s family to supply and Katharina strove together with her cousins to push up a sledge, to the fortress’s hill. Vlad Dracula Impaler who just were up in the bulwark with his officers, saw Katharina tormenting and to the every body’s astonishment; suddenly he got down to help her! In the spite of the horrible things she heard about Vlad, Katharina was impressed by his kindliness! Meeting the young 17 years girl, with her blue big eyes and golden hair, Prince Vlad Dracula III had felt suddenly in love at first side and in the spite of his friend’s advice, he involved in a deep love affair with the beautiful Saxon girl. Nevertheless, this relationship was considered an offence by the high Saxon families, as most of them desired Katharina to become their daughter-in-law. In the spite of all risks, Vlad Dracula Impaler did not gave up this relationship and the Saxons from Brasov region will never forget this!

Katharina and Prince Vlad lived a great romance for many years, even if he became ruler of Walachia in 1456, thus being forced to leave Southern Transylvania. Vlad Dracula III loved her so much that even intended to marry her after he became widower in 1462, as his wife Jusztina suicides herself. However, he did not succeed to fulfil this intention because in 26the of November 1462, he was arrested during the passing of the narrow place in Piatra Craiului Mountains, close to the famous Bran Castle Transylvania. This arresting of Vlad Dracula Impaler was the consequence of the Saxons merchandiser’s intrigues from a fake letter sent to Matei Corvin, King of Hungary and Prince of Transylvania. According to the Transylvanian Chronicle, it is supposed that Vlad’s Saxons rivals to Katharina’s heart, essentially contributed to the intrigues that changed in this way, Vlad’s thread of life! Matei Corvin kept him in detention for 14 years, where he had his own style of life and in time the things got change.

However, even Vlad Dracula Impaler had during his life more love affairs and he will even marry later for the second time with a relative of Matei Corvin, the beautiful Katharina will always remain in his heart as his greatest love ever! It is a real Dracula love scene, scarcely to meet in the historical documents!

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Source by Aurel Danescu

Views: 0

January 28, 2020
Success With Emotional Intelligence

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Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions and the emotions of other people in positive ways. Today we can clearly see that being only “book smart” and having a high intelligence quotient or IQ does not guarantee a successful, happy and fulfilled life. There are many people in all parts of the world who are very brilliant academically but are inept at dealing with people and successful at work or in their personal relationships. Academic intelligence is not enough on its own to be successful in life. IQ can help you get a job and earn a living, but it does not show you how to live a life. When it comes to happiness and success in life, emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your career and personal goals.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to recognize their own emotional state and the emotional states of others and as a result they connect more easily with people. They therefore communicate better, form stronger relationships, achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life. John Gottman was right when he said “In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.”

Emotional Intelligence consists of five basic components namely self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. The first three competencies are intra-personal and concern your ability to know and manage yourself. Empathy and social skills are inter-personal competencies and concern your ability to interact and get along with others. The better your intra-personal skills, the easier it becomes to express your inter-personal skills. Mastering these skills will allow you to live a better, happier and more successful and fulfilled life.

Self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to know which emotions you are feeling and why. When you understand your emotions, it is easier for you to acknowledge and control your emotions and prevent your feelings from ruling you. You also become more confident as you do not let your emotions get out of control. Being self-aware also enables you to take an honest look at yourself and better know your strengths and weaknesses, and work on these areas to achieve better outcomes for yourself and others.

Self-Regulation is the ability to control your emotions and impulses and choose the emotions that you want to experience instead of being the victim of whatever emotions arise. When you are able to manage your emotional state, it becomes easier for you to think before you act and this prevents you from making impulsive and careless decisions. This skill also allows you to transform negative exhausting emotions into more positive and productive ones

The third component of emotional intelligence is motivation. This is about using your emotions to remain positive, optimistic and persistent rather than negative and pessimistic. When you have a high degree of emotional intelligence you tend to be very motivated, productive and efficient in everything they do. You also use your emotions positively to take the right actions to persist and achieve your goals even in the face of considerable adversity or difficulty.

Empathy is the fourth element of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to truly recognize and understand the feelings and point of view of people around you. Empathetic people usually possess the ability to listen effectively and accurately to others and are normally excellent at managing relationships, improving communication, building trust and relating to others.

The fifth component of emotional intelligence is social skills. Emotionally intelligent people have good social skills and are excellent at building and maintaining relationships. When you are highly emotionally intelligent, you no longer focus on your own success first and you always have other’s best interests in mind. You always promote an environment where people cooperate with each other instead of compete with one another and you always help others develop and grow.

Today emotional intelligence is a key to success in life and the good news is that whatever your actual level of emotional intelligence, you can improve it The best way to develop your emotional skills is through practice. You can then become more efficient at recognizing and managing your emotions as well as the emotions of others and lead a happier, more successful and fulfilled life. Always remember the wise words of Daniel Goleman who said, “What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ – not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

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Source by Priya Deelchand

Views: 0

January 25, 2020
How to Make Money Online: A Beginners Guide to Earn From Home
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How To Make Money Online

Making money online is NOT EASY at all. But it’s NOT THAT DIFFICULT too, if you are following a proper path. Without these following three things making money online will always remain a dream for you:-
- Hard work
- Perseverance
- Patience
If you think you have got the above mentioned three things, then let’s jump right into the topic.

Below are some of the most authentic and legit ways to make money online

Freelancing

What is Freelancing?

If you are into making money online, you must have heard the term Freelancing. But what does it really mean? Freelancing means working on a contract basis rather than on a regular basis for a company or organization and getting paid for hour of work, days of work or per project.

YouTube

Now a day You-tube is booming like anything. More and more people are coming to YouTube to find a solution to their problem, to learn something new and to entertain themselves. With this increasing popularity YouTube is also becoming a money making machine for content creators. Yes! In case you don’t know you can earn a decent amount of money by creating YouTube videos. Although YouTube videos don’t pay by themselves, you can make money by placing Google AdSense ads on your videos (of course there are other ways to make money on YouTube but for now we will stick to Google AdSense). The more views and clicks your ads get the more money you will make.

Blogging

Blogging basically means writing posts on any niches on the internet, which are updated frequently. You can write on different niches which include but not limited to personal journals, News, Technology, Health and Fitness, Gaming, Parenting or any other topic you are interested in.

Affiliate Marketing

These days almost every product is available online, whether it is as small as a needle or as big as a car, everything is available online. And people are inclining more and more towards buying products from online stores may be because of the easy accessibility of products and convenient home delivery system.

These online stores need to advertise their products in some way and affiliate marketing is one of the many ways they promote their products. So affiliate marketing is a form of advertisement in which the affiliate (in this case you) promotes the products from different online store in his/her blog or website through a unique link (generally referred as affiliate link). The affiliate gets a commission when someone buys a product through that link then (generally some percentage of the price of the purchased product).

Almost every big online store has an affiliate program which you can join to promote their products in your website and get a commission in return if someone buys from your affiliate link.

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Source by Manas Ranjan Meher

Views: 0
January 24, 2020
Wrong Reasons For Getting Married – (1) Marrying Out of Sympathy

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There are right and wrong reasons for getting married. The worst thing a person can do to oneself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are quite a number of wrong reasons why people marry. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps among the most prominent of the wrong reasons is marrying out of sympathy.

There are many scenarios under this subheading of marrying out of sympathy that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the woman gets pregnant as a result of premarital sex and getting married to a person just because one’s brother or sister jilted that person. Between these two extremes, are those who start relationships with girls who are being maltreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with the neighborhood maids or relations of their neighbors who are being maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

When sympathy forms the basis for a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a keg of gunpowder over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees as the Good Samaritan’s job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. He does not stop to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into his own desires. If it is the woman that is sympathizing, she goes through the same emotions and also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he would remain loyal to her forever.

Findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “flee”. Fleeing here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, though that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape the environment. In many instances, the sympathizer-lovers begin to act as saviors and lordships. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and later verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.

Marriage relationship requires that both parties are open to each other. Open – meaning that there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner would not be allowed into. Once these secret feelings are there, it produces reactive communication instead of responsive communication.

These sympathy missions when it emanates from the premarital sex pregnancy, the woman does not fully get happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear in the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she only thinks she is in a mess occasioned by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual marriage and child rearing challenges as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves for getting pregnant. And some of the time, they blame the man for putting them in the family way. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to have grown from such situations creating lasting bitterness.

For the men, having not evaluated the character, demeanor, temperament of their spouse before marriage because of the overpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her real character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.

It is necessary that we have it ingrained in the tablet of our hearts that the only reasons good enough for marrying anybody are the foundational elements for joyful relationship. If while in a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of marriage is not clear to both of you, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours.

Interestingly, many marriages out there are based on sympathy.

Young single adults (18-30 years of age) and single adults (31 years and above) should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody from suffering. Instead of cornering yourselves to this quagmire, why not follow the appropriate dating, courtship and engagement practices where no sexual intimacy is included. There is need to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally and lawfully wedded marriage contract. You need to remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainly for procreation and to cement companionship.

The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse is purposed to invite people to take the responsibility that comes with it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside legal and lawful matrimony is a transgression of the law. And law breakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no external police to arrest you and no external court to try you and no external prison to sentence you. But there are internal version of the police, the court and the prison and a large farmland where your hard labor would be performed if you commit this offense.

What is the way to go?

Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and procreation. Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and purposes clearly spelled out, though. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. These are the foundational elements that must be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. Both parties ought to know and understand this fully. This knowledge and understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears it. Marrying for any other reason is like standing the building on its roof.

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Source by Francis Nmeribe

Views: 0

January 24, 2020
Mercury Retrograde As Healing

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Oh no! Mercury retrograde! Well… not so fast.

It happens every time Mercury goes retrograde (the effect that makes the planet appear to travel backwards in the sky). Things go wrong-well, thanks a lot mercury retrograde. It’s an ingrained response. And it reveals a not-so-hidden problem (if a generally ignored one).

Mercury, of course, doesn’t really go backwards – it simply appears to do so from our perspective on Earth. And that’s the heart of the matter – perception. We see an elliptical orbit from our own elliptical spinning. It distorts reality.

You know this, of course, and that “mercury retrograde” refers to the astrological energetic correspondence. But consider – what is simply an ongoing cycle is perceived as ups and downs. It’s neither. It just is, a fundamental reality.

And that’s the problem with “my current troubles are because mercury is retrograde.” No, they’re not. Rather, mercury retrograde is shining a light on fundamental problems. Literally – the foundation is lacking, creating the perception that problems have abruptly come about that were actually a long time coming.

There’s disruption – True. But the fault isn’t negative energy.

I had a strained conversation with my dad. My partner said something dismissive. My muscles are sore and stiff. And I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Mercury retrograde, right? (And let’s not forget the annoying slow Internet speed). I even blew up a wheelbarrow tire yesterday, just pumping air back into it after it went flat.

The problems here, though, are fundamental. My dad and I have had awkward conversations for years. My partner and I have busy schedules and don’t always communicate well. Instead of rotating cardio, weights, and swimming at the gym, I did all three one day, then stacked firewood the next. My schedule is too packed, and I already knew that three months ago (will be better shortly). The Internet is often slow here (trying to get a new provider to come in). And the tire was ancient.

Foundations build potentials – constant yang eventually fails.

Yin energy is about potential. Before I undertake strenuous physical tasks, I have to build up over time. Before I can have open conversation when topics are difficult, I have to build trust and connection over time. Before I can enjoy fast services, I need the supporting infrastructure in place. Tires don’t last forever, and need to be inspected and maintained. And schedules packed tight don’t work.

We’re mainly all about the yang energy. But just like mercury, it travels in circular motion (and not in a straight line and then back, however it might appear). We push and strive and force and stubbornly persist, working against nature herself, thinking we have to do so, but fooling only ourselves.

Research shows multi-tasking is a myth (we can do both tasks separately faster than both together). “Overwhelmed” is an over-reaction we invented for dramatic effect (“whelmed” means exactly the same thing). And no matter how far you need to drive, you’ll have to stop and get fuel. Vehicle maintenance is a good idea too. If not – you’ll be sitting at the side of the road.

Healing can’t be all yang (if you want to remain healthy)

No one ever says: “Hey, I’d like to work on the fundamental pieces creating the health, emotional, and spiritual challenges I’m facing. Ever. Instead, it’s mostly “can you just do a session and fix this?” Frankly, sometimes yes, that can happen, but that’s not ultimately the best approach.

Trees grow extensive root systems before branching into leafy canopies – or they’d fall at the first strong wind. Busy successful and happy people don’t “find” time to meditate-they know that an hour of focus in the morning is the reason for their continued happiness and success. Schedules can be more organic and realistic by making choices and delegating (“but I have to do these things because no one else can” is a lie we all tell ourselves). And 1 in 25 people never get sick, their entire lives – because they understand (and continually practice) balance.

That’s why to pursue more than straight healing sessions

Self-healing, integrating levels of being, getting unstuck, building effective meditation practice, understanding and overcoming long-term pain, overcoming emotional challenges, the 12 keys to healing-these essential building blocks help you learn to live in wholeness and ongoing health – including thriving in spiritual balance.

Some people do monthly combination programs, so they can benefit from both healing sessions and program material to heal and to maintain their health, their mental and emotional peace and balance, and to best show up in the world to thrive as the beautiful people they always were and were meant to be.

Because Mercury doesn’t travel back and forth on a straight line. And neither does healing. For ongoing health and progress, you must master circular effort.

So thank Mercury for the reminder. Then turn your attention to fundamentals.

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Source by Tim Emerson

Views: 0

January 23, 2020