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Tag: Reconciliation

Health Anxiety and Solutions

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It's always important to take care of oneself using all the principles of good health. Regular check-ups, proper nutrition and healthful living all enable one to keep on top of their health in a careful yet reasonable way. Often one becomes overly concerned with health issues and caught up in a cycle of health worries. One health issue is reconciled when another immediately pops up to take its place. These worries become all encompassing and exhausting after a while.

Eventually, the individual realizes that this cycle of health anxieties has intruded upon the quality of their life. A dark cloud, always hovering over daily living, this intrusive form of anxiety has to be addressed. One begins by determining why this is occurring, what purpose does it serve and how to interrupt this behavior.

Reason for Health Anxiety

Health worries actually serve a purpose and this purpose is not difficult to detect if one looks deep enough into this pattern of behavior. Often this pattern involves the brain distracting from specific emotions which the individual finds difficult to address.

Many emotions are so overwhelming, such as anger, grief or fear, that the brain looks for ways to distract. Health worries fit the bill because when one worries intensely about their health, there is little room to address an upsetting emotion.

Health worries blanket every other thought and this WORKS. This is the perfect distraction from unsettling emotions. When one worry is reconciled, another takes it place to veil the unaddressed emotion. Each health worry has a strong purpose, as it masks the true upsetting emotion, which is much more difficult to face in the long run.

Solution

– Recognition and acknowledgment of the Health Anxiety habit, one worry quickly following another in a noticeable loop that never ends. Awareness of this cycle is always the first step to reconciliation of the issue.

– Determining if this health worry is a true physical problem by visiting one's primary physician and ruling out a definite physical cause for the difficulty. Always rule out a physical cause before assuming it is merely health anxiety.

– Noticing that these health worries settle down when you become intensely interested in another topic or swept into a new relationship, job or cause.

– Identify your patterns. Do you experience twinges of symptoms that often jump from one area of the body to another? Do you find yourself overestimating physical intrusions and instantly jump to the conclusion that they signify danger or warrant the attention of an alert?

– Find interests that involve your entire being. Lose yourself in things that allow you little time for inward thinking. True illness does not surface through boredom as do these behaviors. True health problems do not generally follow the same time table as health anxieties do. Health worries are stronger during times of boredom and when one lacks interests. An intelligent mind requires challenges and goals.

– Activity is an important therapeutic tool against health worries. Exercise and movement invigorate and stimulate the mind and body in a positive way. Endorphins are released and Serotonin levels are boosted naturally when activity is a part of a daily routine. Moderate walking, jogging, tennis, swimming and dancing are all helpful activities that bring forth positive results.

– Nutrition is also essential to good health which in itself helps eliminate the strong habit of negative thinking, often concerning health worries. When eating properly, Serotonin levels are naturally boosted and blood sugar levels remain stable. This helps settle down an over-reactive mind, leading to a lessening in health anxieties.

– Talk back to the brain by firmly telling it to stop when health worries enter the mind. Shift into a more positive mode of thinking because you always have a choice in what you think about.

The mind will respond by quieting down as negative thoughts subside. The brain, caught red handed in this behavior is instantly embarrassed causing it to suspend this cycle of negative thought. This is comparative to a child being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Embarrassment at being caught, stops this intrusive behavior.

– Be aware of "what if" thinking. If the majority of sentences you think begin with "what if" then this is proof of a strong health anxiety habit. Change "what if" thinking to "so what" and watch the cycle break.

Most of all, understand that worry solves nothing. Health worries, in particular will only serve to exhaust and deplete both mind and body. Consciously make a concerted effort to change the way you think and you will succeed in changing your life. You will go from self victimization to freedom from the intrusive habit of fearful worry.

You always have a choice. Life can be wonderful and fulfilling when you learn to alter your perspective and chose a more positive point of view. You always have a choice. Never define yourself by your habit of worried thinking. Do not be victimized by health anxiety and fear. With a few simple corrections, especially in thinking, you will find your life changes from being difficult and upsetting to becoming easier and much more fulfilling on a daily basis.

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Source by Dr.

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
My Separated Husband Claims To Being Open To A Gradual, Slow Reconciliation. Should I Believe Him?

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I sometimes hear from wives who could have been my past self. The reason for this is that they are separated and somewhat desperate to reconcile and save their marriages. I typically have a very good idea of how they feel because I have been there. I know that when you are separated, there is little else that you think about, other than a reconciliation. You want the reconciliation to happen today – or tomorrow at the very latest. Unfortunately, our husbands don’t always feel the same way. In fact, they are usually the one who wanted the separation in the first place, so they may be very noncommittal when you attempt to talk about a reconciliation. However, it can be hard not to become hopeful when you make start to make progress and you feel like you are connecting again. Understandably, the improvement process can make you anxious to begin to inch toward a reconciliation. But your husband may bristle at this idea. And some husbands even back away from you a little, because they don’t want to be rushed. This can leave the wife feeling a bit stuck. Because she loves her husband and she wants to reconcile, she might be willing to move at his pace. But she can worry about his sincerity.

She might say, “I have been separated for over three months. In the beginning, I was nearly certain that a divorce was in my future. But over the last month, things have slowly started to improve. My husband has been coming over regularly to eat dinner with my son. After we put him to bed, we have been talking for hours. We have had some great talks. I have started to feel a little bit of hope that we might reconcile and I finally got up my courage to ask my husband about this. He said that he is not opposed to reconciling one day, but he insists that it is going to have to be a very gradual process because he isn’t ready to commit to anything. He said that we are both still figuring things out. I admit that I was disappointed and I wondered if perhaps he was saying this just to get me to back off. My girlfriend said that she would have her doubts too and that I shouldn’t put my heart into this until I get a commitment. I am torn. It’s not like my husband is asking anything of me. We aren’t sleeping together. So it’s not like lying to me is really to his benefit. At the same time, I don’t want to get my heart broken. Is it an awful sign that he wants to move slowly?”

Why A Gradual Reconciliation Can Have Advantages: I know why this hurts. You think that he’s just trying delay hurting you and it is scary to get your hopes up. However, I can tell you that even when my husband and I were doing really well as a couple at the tail end of our separation, we both made the conscious decision to take it slowly. It was very hard for me. Because I wanted an immediate reconciliation. But I also knew that I didn’t want to fail and to have to get a divorce. I fully realized that our relationship was still fragile. I also knew that when I tried to pressure or rush my husband, he had a tendency to retreat. So I didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable. I knew that I was probably going to get one chance at this reconciliation thing and I did not want to do anything at all to jeopardize it.

What did help was that, like you, we were making some progress. So when I would get impatient, I would tell myself to contrast the weeks that we went not talking with the fact that we were regularly seeing one another, getting along, and enjoying ourselves. This was just not worth risking by rushing it. I understand your dread about your husband just trying to gain some time. But look at it this way: As long as you continue to make progress, why would he want to prolong the separation? As long as each day is a little better than the last, hopefully, you will both be more optimistic about the future. Why would he want to turn his back on that?

I know that moving at a gradual pace requires more trust. But, trust is a skill that will enhance your marriage anyway. One positive of gradual movement is that it allows you to make little tweaks along the way. You’re not in a situation where it is all or nothing. When you hit a speed bump, you adjust. When things go well, you might accelerate a bit. But you have the flexibility to do so because no one is any huge hurry and no one needs to move out again when things feel rushed. When you reconcile gradually, there isn’t so much pressure when he moves back in because you’ve already encountered many of the issues that may crop up and you have already fixed them. Therefore, your reconciliation has a much higher chance of success. That is why it is important to keep your eye on the real prize.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

July 22, 2022
How Do I Convince My Husband That I’ve Changed My Ways So He’ll Give Me A Second Chance?

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It’s an awful feeling to be looking back on your marriage with negative hindsight. Sometimes, we don’t see things clearly enough until we’re faced with actually losing them for good. I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. Her husband had left her after finally becoming tired of her constantly bending the truth, not treating him in a respectful way, acting irresponsibly, and taking him for granted.

She said, in part: “I was furious with my husband when he left me. I was mad that he would give up on our marriage without giving me any warning first. But after I began to think clearly, I realized that he did give me plenty of warnings but I wasn’t always paying attention. I spent the money that he mostly earned like crazy and put us heavily into debt. I would bend the truth about my activities so I could keep on doing exactly what he wanted. He worked hard while I had the fun. If he mentioned not being happy about this to me, I’d call him a stick in the mud or asked him if he was my father. I flirted with other guys and didn’t show him the respect he deserved. He was nothing but loving, loyal, and good to me, but I didn’t fully appreciate him until now. So now I’m at the point where I fully realize my mistakes and am committed to changing my ways. I’ve gotten a better job and have stopped the spending, lying, and partying. But when I tell him this, he looks at me with doubt in his eyes and doesn’t make any further attempts to see me. If he would only give me a second chance, I could and would prove to him that our marriage could be different. Will he give me that second chance? How can I make sure that he does?” I’ll try to answer these questions below.

Usually, In Order For Your Husband To Give You And Your Marriage A Second Chance, Several Things Need To Happen All At Once: Over time, it became pretty obvious that this wife was sincere. It has been months since her husband had left. And, during that time, she had gotten a job, adjusted her thinking and her behavior, and really embraced a new way of life that the husband had been encouraging and calling for all along.

The wife was frustrated that she’d made all of these changes and yet, despite her repeatedly detailing her mistakes and how she had changed them, her husband still had not been receptive enough to give her another chance or to come home. In fact, he’d started talking about divorce, which was especially upsetting to her.

This wife didn’t understand that in order for your husband to give you a second chance or to be open to a reconciliation, several things need to happen, as follows:

1. Your husband needs to completely believe that, not only have you really and truly changed, but that you understand why you acted the way that you did and are completely remorseful for it. He needs to believe that you now see the attributes in him that you missed before so that you won’t continue to take him for granted.

2. Your husband needs to believe that the changes that you made are lasting and that you didn’t only “change” for his benefit. Many husbands suspect that as soon as he agrees to give you another chance or comes back home, you’ll eventually get comfortable again and resort back to your old ways so that he’s having to deal with the same behaviors over and over again without any escape.

3. Once your husband believes that you’ve made lasting realizations and changes, then he has to perceive that continuing in a relationship or marriage with you is going to be better for him (or make him more happy) than to continue to be alone. Sure, he might believe that it’s possible that you’ve changed. But sometimes, he still feels that too much negativity has happened between you to really salvage the marriage. Or, he doubts if things can ever really “be the same” again.

Identifying And Addressing Any Doubts That Your Husband Might Have About Giving You A Second Chance. Where Is His Reluctance And His Resistance Coming From? Admittedly, I didn’t personally know either the husband or the wife in this scenario. So, I couldn’t pinpoint which of the above 3 factors was keeping the husband from believing his wife or from giving her a second chance. But, if the wife truly observed the husband’s behaviors and listened to the clues he was likely offering her, then she should be able to figure out what truly stood in her way.

Most of the time, this is a gradual process because you have to hang in there in order to keep going long enough to over come what is usually a husband’s considerable resistance and doubt. In truth, this couple had been married for years and yet the wife’s changes had only been around for a few months. The husband likely still had his doubts that the changes were sincere or were truly going to last. And he may have also had his doubts if the two of them could be happy again after he’d walked out on her and given up on the marriage.

The best way to address these doubts was to just continue on with what she was doing and to give the process time to work. Because with time, the husband could likely see that she truly was sincere and absolutely meant what she said. It helps if you can somehow let your husband know that you are incorporating these changes even when he’s not watching you. If a mutual friend or family member comments about the changes in you without your being present, this can help.

Here’s one more point that I would like to make. It’s entirely possible that the husband was slowing warming to the idea that his wife could change, but that he still had his doubts that the marriage could truly be a genuinely easy or happy one. The wife admitted to me that sometimes things were tense when they were together because she was frustrated that her plan didn’t seem to be working. This was something that needed to be avoided in the future.

It’s vitally important that your husband sees you being light hearted, fun loving, and very easy to be around. The relationship and the conversations should be light and should not feel awkward or forced. I know that this sometimes takes some doing, but if every interaction feels or reads negatively, then this will often just reinforce the husband’s belief that the marriage is too far gone to save.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

February 1, 2020
Effective Working Capital Management and Optimal Synchronization of Cash Flows

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How do firms choose their operating cycle? How do firms choose their cash conversion cycle? What is the impact of firm’s operating cycle on the size and periodicity of investments in receivables and inventories? How do seasonal and cyclical trends affect firm’s operating cycle, cash conversion cycle and investments in current assets? These strategic policy questions relate to optimal cash flows synchronization and effective working capital management designed to maximize the wealth producing capacity of the enterprise.

In this review, we will examine some pertinent and extant academic literature on effective working capital management and provide some operational guidance to small business enterprises. The shorter the cash conversion cycle, the smaller the size of the firm’s investment in inventories and receivables and consequently the less the firm’s financing needs. Although setting ending cash balances is, to a large extent, judgmental, some analytical rules can be applied to assist effective formulation of better judgments and optimize cash flow management.

As you know, a correlate to cash is net working capital. Net working capital is not cash but the difference between current assets (what a firm currently owns) and current liabilities (what a firm currently owes). Current assets and current liabilities are firm’s immediate sources and uses of cash, respectively. Clearly, a firm’s ability to meet its current financial obligations (bills due within a year) depends on its ability to manage its current assets and liabilities, efficiently and effectively.

Effective working capital management requires the formulation of optimal working capital policy and the periodic management of cash flows, inventories, account receivables, accruals and account payables. And because poor working capital management can severely damage a firm’s credit worthiness and limit its access to money and capital markets, every effort must be made to minimize business default risk.

The significance of liquidity cannot be overemphasized. In addition, anything that adversely impacts a firm’s financial flexibility degrades its ability to borrow and cope with unexpected financial hardship. A firm must preserve its ability to react to unexpected expenses and investment opportunities. Financial flexibility derives from a firm’s use of leverage as well as cash holdings.

In practice, optimal working capital management includes effective cash conversion cycle, effective operating cycle, the determination of appropriate level of accruals, inventories, and account payables and the attendant funding options. Working capital policy impacts a firm’s balance sheet, financial ratios (current and quick assets) and possibly credit rating. Critical to efficient firm’s working capital management is a good understanding of its cash conversion cycle, or how long it takes for a firm to convert cash invested in operations into cash received.

The cash conversion cycle captures the time passed from the beginning of the production process to collection of cash from the sale of the finished products. Typically, a firm purchases raw materials and creates products. These products go into inventory and then are sold on account. Once the products are sold often on credit then the firm waits to receive payment, at which point the process begins again. Understanding the cash conversion cycle and the age of account receivables is critical to successful working capital management.

As you know, the cash conversion cycle is divided into three parts: the average payment period, the average collection period and the average age of inventory. The firm’s operating cycle is length of time from the receipt of raw materials to the collection of payment for the products sold on account. The operating cycle is therefore the sum of the inventory conversion period (the average time between when raw materials are received into inventory and product is sold) and the receivables conversion period (the average time between a sale and collection of the receipt). Note that the operations of a merchandising enterprise involves purchasing (the purchase of merchandise), sales (the sales of products to customers, and collection (the receipt of cash from customers).

Some Operational Guidance:

There is gathering empirical evidence suggesting that effective working capital management begins with assessment of operating cycle and optimizing cash flows from firm’s operations. Management must know, understand and anticipate the impact of cash flows on firm’s operations and its ability to maximize the profit producing capacity of the enterprise. Effective cash management is critical to the success of a business enterprise. It is all about cash flows.

One of the best ways to increase cash availability is to accelerate the receipt of incoming payments by reducing the age of account receivables using appropriate mix of incentives and penalties. A firm must evaluate current payment processes and identify effective options to expedite collection of account receivables.

There is strong evidence suggesting improving payment processes and moving to electronic alternatives will maximize liquidity and better manage costs of receivables. Liquidity is critical to the success of every business enterprise and effective cash management is the core of liquidity. In practice, a careful analysis of cash flows and assessment of investment strategies and policies is required to ensure that a firm has appropriate tools needed to maximize firm’s liquidity, and optimize cash flow management.

A firm optimizes cash flow management in its operating cycle by rationalizing-streamlining and improving the ways it manages the inflow of cash receipts, makes outflow cash payments and minimizes the age of account receivables. A firm needs digital records, electronic banking, robust internal controls and agile accounting systems for quick reconciliation of bank statements through timely access to bank accounts, customer records; and synchronizing cash flows, accounts payables, and accounting systems for increased efficiency.

Best industry practices include analyzing cash flows monthly to determine ending cash balance (the difference between total cash inflows and total cash outflows). The goal is a rising or positive periodic ending cash balance; Monitoring customer balances to manage account receivables (money owed to the firm from customers); and appropriate pre-qualifying processes before extending credit to customers is essential to minimizing incidence of bad debts.

A tracking system that monitors outstanding receivables and sends automatic reminders, invoices and statements is a useful tool. Some firms use factors by selling their receivables to factoring companies to ensure steady cash flows; Slowing down cash disbursements: Prudent cash flow management dictates that a firm retains cash as long as possible. Optimize cash flow management by paying on time while utilizing all accommodations consistent with the calculus of financial advantage. Finally, borrow long and lend short and time large expenses by setting aside small amounts to fund large expected expenditures. Always remember that long term liabilities become current liabilities in the accounting period in which they mature.

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Source by James Gaius Ibe

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Importance Of Cash Control

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Cash is a vital component of any profit-generating organization. An organization’s assets generate revenue, which in turn generates cash inflows. These cash inflows are used for several purposes: to pay creditors, compensate employees, reward shareholders, provide asset replacement, and provide for growth.

Cash is unique because it’s the single asset that is readily convertible into any other type of asset. Therefore, it’s also the most widely desired asset. However, cash is also the asset that is most susceptible to fraud and abuse. Therefore, management has to ensure that adequate controls and safeguards are in place to eliminate any unauthorized transactions with cash.

Fortunately, there are ways management can safeguard the cash generated by its organization. Each of the following methods will help an organization prevent losses due to human error or theft:

o Monthly bank reconciliation

o Segregation of duties over cash handling

o Accountability for cash shortages

o Authorized cash disbursement

o Internal audits

Monthly Bank Reconciliation. Monthly bank reconciliation will help ensure that the amount of cash generated by an organization is consistent with bank records. In addition, an independent review of the reconciliation by management will provide an additional safeguard. Independent verification of bank reconciliation acts as a check to make sure the reconciliation was done properly and ensures there is no abuse of the organization’s cash.

Segregation of Duties Over Cash Handling. Every organization must make sure that there is adequate segregation of duties over cash handling. Separating the duties of cash receipts and disbursements prevents an individual from committing and concealing embezzlement.

Accountability for Cash Shortages. Management should hold supervisors accountable for cash shortages. If supervisors know that they’ll be held accountable for a cash shortage, they’ll be motivated to keep a close eye on how cash is used within their departments.

Authorized Cash Disbursement. Management should allow cash to be disbursed only through checks issued by authorized signers, which will provide a method for tracking cash usage. In addition, your organization should require signatures on all checks in order for them to be valid.

Internal Audits. Every organization should arrange to have internal audits conducted on a regular basis. Whether the auditors come from an internal audit staff or an outside auditing firm, auditing an organization’s accounting system can identify how effective and accurate the operation is and whether or not any improvements need to be made.

ESTABLISHING A QUICKBOOKS CONTROL ENVIRONMENT

QuickBooks allows more than one user to access company files. (Conceptually, an unlimited number of users may have access to the company’s data files, but only five users may work with the data at the same time.) When multiple users will have access to the company’s QuickBooks data files, it generally is necessary to create a control environment that protects the data from unauthorized use. For example, some users may not need access to sensitive payroll data, while others may not need access to accounts receivable and sales information.

One of the best ways to prevent errors when posting transactions in QuickBooks is to limit access to specified users. If passwords and access permissions are not assigned, users have unlimited access to all areas in QuickBooks. When setting up QuickBooks, one user should be designated as the QuickBooks Administrator.

The QuickBooks Administrator has unlimited access to all areas of QuickBooks and assigns passwords and access permissions to other users. The name and password for the QuickBooks Administrator can be set up by selecting “Set Up Users” from the “Company” menu. The QuickBooks Administrator must be set up before any other users can be set up. Although QuickBooks does not require the use of passwords, the QuickBooks Administrator should set up and use a password since anyone logging in to the company’s QuickBooks files as the administrator has full access to all areas in QuickBooks. After setting up a name and password, the QuickBooks Administrator should click the “Closing Date” button in the “User List” window and enter the date through which books are closed in the “Accounting” preferences dialog box. The administrator can also password-protect the closing date (requires single-user mode). When this feature is enabled, QuickBooks requires users to enter the password before they can make changes to periods that have been closed.

The QuickBooks Administrator is the only user who can:

o Set up other users.

o Change other users’ access permissions.

o Set up a company file using the “EasyStep Interview.”

o Change company information (such as company name, address, fiscal year, tax year, tax form, and federal identification number).

o Change company preferences.

o Condense data.

o Import and export data.

o Apply for QuickBooks Merchant Account Services.

Note: Since the QuickBooks Administrator has the ability to password-protect the entire company’s files, has access to all accounting functions, and assigns access to all other users, the company should carefully consider whom to select as administrator. The person selected should have an understanding of the importance of this position on the internal control of the company. Some companies designate the controller or Chief Financial Officer as the QuickBooks Administrator because those individuals normally do not have direct interaction with the software.

The QuickBooks Administrator can set up additional users and specify the areas to which each person has access. To do so, select “Company” from the menu bar and “Set Up Users.” Then click the “Add User” button in the “User List” window. Assign a user name and password for the new user. Even though QuickBooks does not require the use of passwords, each user should be set up with a password that must be used when logging in to the company’s QuickBooks file. (An unlimited number of users can be added, but only five can have access to the company’s data file at the same time.)

After setting up the user name and password, the administrator then specifies whether the user will have access to selected areas of QuickBooks or all areas of QuickBooks. The user should not be given access to all areas of QuickBooks since that permission essentially establishes a second administrator allowing users to access the following:

o Sales and accounts receivable.

o Purchases and accounts payable.

o Checking and credit cards.

o Inventory.

o Time tracking.

o Payroll and employees.

o Sensitive accounting activities such as bank transfers, general journal entries, and online banking.

o Sensitive financial reports.

o Changing or deleting transactions.

o Changing closed transactions.

Note: Even if users need access to most of the preceding areas, they should not be allowed to change closed transactions.

Rather than giving users access to all areas of QuickBooks, the QuickBooks Administrator should give users access to selected areas. In that case, the QuickBooks Administrator specifies whether the user should be given no access, full access, or selective access to each individual area listed in the preceding paragraph. If the user is given selective access in a particular area, the QuickBooks Administrator also must specify whether the user can (a) create transactions only, (b) create and print transactions and forms, or (c) create transactions and create reports.

Sensitive Accounting Activities. Users generally should not be given access to sensitive accounting activities. Such activities include:

o Maintaining the chart of accounts.

o Working in the account register for balance sheet accounts.

o Reconciling accounts.

o Making journal entries.

o Using the “Accountant’s Review.”

o Transferring funds between accounts.

o Using online banking.

o Creating budgets.

o Printing registers.

o Condensing data.

Even if users are given full or selective access to sensitive accounting activities, they cannot create financial reports (with the exception of the “Payroll Report”) or change or delete previously recorded transactions. Those permissions must be assigned separately, as discussed in the following paragraphs. The QuickBooks Administrator generally should be the only user with access to sensitive accounting activities.

Sensitive Financial Reports. Users generally should not be given access to sensitive financial reports (such as the balance sheet, profit and loss reports, budget reports, cash flow reports, income tax reports, and audit trail reports). That access allows users to create all reports and graphs available in QuickBooks. However, even users with access to reports cannot change or delete transactions included in the reports. That permission must be assigned separately, as discussed in the following paragraph. The QuickBooks Administrator generally should be the only user with access to sensitive financial reports.

Changing and Deleting Transactions. Even if QuickBooks users have full access in a particular area, they cannot change or delete transactions in that area unless they are given that permission in the “Changing or Deleting Transactions” window. For example, a user with full access in the sales and accounts receivable area cannot change invoices or sales receipts unless they are given permission to change or delete transactions. However, even if users do not have permission to change or delete transactions, they can change or delete transactions they entered in the current QuickBooks session so that quickly identified data entry errors can be corrected. Users that are given permission to change or delete transactions can alter transactions only in areas in which they have access. For example, users that have access to the inventory area but not to the payroll area cannot alter payroll transactions even if they have permission to change or delete transactions. The QuickBooks Administrator generally should be the only user with permission to change or delete historical transactions.

If a user is given permission to change or delete transactions in areas in which they have access, the “Changing or Deleting Transactions” window also asks whether the user should be able to change or delete transactions recorded before the closing date. The QuickBooks Administrator always should deny users access to such transactions by selecting “No” in response to that question. Even when “No” is selected, users can view prior-period transactions in QuickBooks areas to which they have access. If “Yes” is selected and the administrator sets a password, the user will be required to enter the password.

Viewing Data. QuickBooks allows the QuickBooks Administrator to limit a user’s access to creating sensitive financial reports or creating and printing sensitive reports. Companies can use this feature to allow the Controller, Chief Financial Officer, or another person independent of the accounting function the ability to oversee the accounting operations. Because many companies frequently have small accounting staffs, this increased oversight can mitigate some of the risk to the system of internal control created by having limited segregation of duties.

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Source by Leigh Ann

Views: 0

January 22, 2020
Addiction To Unrequited Love
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The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:
- obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
- codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
- narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
- ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.
Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):
- Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
- Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
- Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
- Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
- Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
- Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
- Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
- Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
- Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
- Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
- Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
- Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
- For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?
If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

Step 1: Communication With Yourself

The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:
- Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
- Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
- Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
- Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
- Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
- Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
- Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
- Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.
A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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Source by Mandy Peterson

Views: 0
January 22, 2020
Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

Areas of conflict:

o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

o Physical and emotional abuse.

o Self-centeredness.

o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

o Infidelity.

The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

“Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

There are two options available.

1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

Negative Approach:

– One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

– Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

Positive Approach:

1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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Source by Eva Bell

Views: 0

January 14, 2020
13 Healing Bullet Points

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Your life is not defined by the trials you encounter; it is determined by how you respond to personal challenges.

“I am the source for the perspectives I choose to hold… regardless of how aware I am of why or how I come to possess that particular perspective. It takes courage to look into the mirror of our souls, absent excuses. I will look into that mirror little bits at a time. SEE and ACT. SEE what I can bear to see and ACT upon what I am able. This is the heart of a gentle invitation to personal responsibility.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Consider the following 13 bullet points and promises:

• 1. Understanding how to heal your grief is your first essential step. THE PROMISE: A more clear understanding of your grief is possible as you stop grieving and start healing.

• 2. Creating decisive thinking, attitude and skill are must-have qualities to master happiness. THE PROMISE: You can develop psychological and emotional empowerment by practicing specific and consistent actions.

• 3. Don’t be stuck in a negative outlook; as a cure learn how to use grateful moments. THE PROMISE: By expressing your gratitude for uplifting and positive emotional experiences you can find the inner empowerment to start healing and begin new hope.

• 4. Rescue yourself from floundering in your painful past. THE PROMISE: Concentrating on your new you and new conditions can begin your life anew.

• 5. Take control of your personal thoughts and actions THE PROMISE. You have far more ability to determine what you think and how you act than you initially imagine.

• 6. Wanting to heal is not enough; persuasive desires can give you vital healing clarity. THE PROMISE: As you hunger and thirst to overcome your grief and loss a clearer path will appear.

• 7. Desiring your old life back is counterproductive; embracing your new circumstance will give you empowerment. THE PROMISE: New opportunities and possibilities are within your reach as you seek them.

• 8. Everyone’s grief clock keeps its own time; your grief healing clock is correct – follow that time. THE PROMISE: Be kind to the grief you feel; allowing a short period of time for your sorrow is OK which will bring you clarity and resolve.

• 9. You can’t hibernate expecting to awaken in the spring with your sorrow healed – action steps bring reconciliation. THE PROMISE: Happiness and hope are the result of your actions.

• 10. Because of your horrendous condition you can feel uncertainty; yet, finding joy again is possible. THE PROMISE: You may experience hopelessness, indecision, impossibilities, even anger; nonetheless, finding new joy is reachable.

• 11. You are not alone, thousands of others have suffered through their grief and found joy – you can also. THE PROMISE: You can find personal strength in the many examples of reconciling grief and finding joy again.

• 12. Reinforce your capacity to direct your own attention toward your goal. THE PROMISE: You can guide yourself more effectively toward healing your grief and loss.

• 13. Re-evaluate your outlook; consider all shifts that have occurred from your grief happening. THE PROMISE: As you reconnect with your passions, people, places or things you did previous and embrace the hope of greater understanding, peace and joy – clearness and hope will come.

“Greatness is not in where we stand, but in what direction we are moving. We must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it – but sail we must, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Finding healing, harmony and happiness after grief involves a specific conditioning of the mind and heart. A steady fulfillment of contentment, confidence and hope are needed and essential. The 13 foregoing important bullet points and promises will support you in understanding, reconciling, and healing your grief and loss; they will give you inner empowerment needed to weather your personal life storms.

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Source by Duane Marchant

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October 9, 2019