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  • Wrong Reasons For Getting Married – (1) Marrying Out of Sympathy

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    There are right and wrong reasons for getting married. The worst thing a person can do to oneself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are quite a number of wrong reasons why people marry. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps among the most prominent of the wrong reasons is marrying out of sympathy.

    There are many scenarios under this subheading of marrying out of sympathy that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the woman gets pregnant as a result of premarital sex and getting married to a person just because one’s brother or sister jilted that person. Between these two extremes, are those who start relationships with girls who are being maltreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with the neighborhood maids or relations of their neighbors who are being maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

    When sympathy forms the basis for a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a keg of gunpowder over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees as the Good Samaritan’s job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. He does not stop to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into his own desires. If it is the woman that is sympathizing, she goes through the same emotions and also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he would remain loyal to her forever.

    Findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “flee”. Fleeing here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, though that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape the environment. In many instances, the sympathizer-lovers begin to act as saviors and lordships. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and later verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.

    Marriage relationship requires that both parties are open to each other. Open – meaning that there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner would not be allowed into. Once these secret feelings are there, it produces reactive communication instead of responsive communication.

    These sympathy missions when it emanates from the premarital sex pregnancy, the woman does not fully get happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear in the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she only thinks she is in a mess occasioned by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual marriage and child rearing challenges as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves for getting pregnant. And some of the time, they blame the man for putting them in the family way. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to have grown from such situations creating lasting bitterness.

    For the men, having not evaluated the character, demeanor, temperament of their spouse before marriage because of the overpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her real character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.

    It is necessary that we have it ingrained in the tablet of our hearts that the only reasons good enough for marrying anybody are the foundational elements for joyful relationship. If while in a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of marriage is not clear to both of you, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours.

    Interestingly, many marriages out there are based on sympathy.

    Young single adults (18-30 years of age) and single adults (31 years and above) should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody from suffering. Instead of cornering yourselves to this quagmire, why not follow the appropriate dating, courtship and engagement practices where no sexual intimacy is included. There is need to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally and lawfully wedded marriage contract. You need to remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainly for procreation and to cement companionship.

    The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse is purposed to invite people to take the responsibility that comes with it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside legal and lawful matrimony is a transgression of the law. And law breakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no external police to arrest you and no external court to try you and no external prison to sentence you. But there are internal version of the police, the court and the prison and a large farmland where your hard labor would be performed if you commit this offense.

    What is the way to go?

    Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and procreation. Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and purposes clearly spelled out, though. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. These are the foundational elements that must be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. Both parties ought to know and understand this fully. This knowledge and understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears it. Marrying for any other reason is like standing the building on its roof.

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    Source by Francis Nmeribe

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  • The Number One Way To Cure Acne Completely

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    There is only one way to cure your acne completely. Medication won’t work. Drugs won’t work. Over-the-counter products won’t work. Home remedies won’t work. They will only work on the symptom of your acne, not the real cause. Thus, even though they seem to work at first, it will only be a temporary result. And guess what? You need permanent result, not temporary.

    So, if you want to clear your acne completely (I mean, completely, not partially or just temporary effect), there is only one way to do it. The only way to cure your acne completely is to eliminate the root cause of your acne. You are not going to work with the symptom of your acne. But, you will work with the root cause, the source of all this ugly mess that you call acne. And there is only one effective method to cure your acne from the root cause of it: The Holistic Method.

    Basically the holistic method is divided into 4 main elements:

    1. The Right Understanding

    It is important to understand fully about your acne. Your acne is a condition that is caused by toxic accumulation within your body. It means that since the cause is within your body, then no matter how hard you work to destroy the symptom through external skin treatment methods, they won’t work to cure your acne permanently. Why? That’s because you are not eliminating the cause. If you keep the cause within your body, sooner or later new acne will appear on your skin, and once it appears, it will be worse than before. So, the right understanding needs to be obtained in order for you to be able to work to cure your acne condition in the right way.

    Note: This is not the only information that you need to learn. There are many myths about acne that you need to debunk as well.

    2. The Right Mindset

    Approaching acne with the wrong mindset will only bring you deeper into depression. For instance, if you think that you can’t cure your acne because you already suffered it for many years, it will not help you to cure your acne at all. In fact, your mindset will make you to become more and more stubborn in denying the possibility that you can cure your acne, no matter how bad it seems to be. Having the right mindset will help you to build the strong foundation for your acne healing process.

    Note: Holistic method will seek to balance your mind, body, and spirit at the same time. So, it’s not just a treatment for your body.

    3. The Right Dietary Habit

    “You are what you eat.” Have you ever heard about this saying? That’s true, because what you eat will build your whole body structure. Remember that all your body organs, including your skin, are built with substances that are obtained from your foods. Thus, your foods play an important role in curing your acne. It is a lie to believe that diet and acne don’t have any connection at all. It’s just a marketing gimmick to make you want to buy some over-the-counter products or some other miracle drugs that promise you instant clear skin.

    Note: Holistic method will provide you the most effective dietary plan that will allow you to cure your acne in the most effective way and in the shortest amount of time.

    4. The Right External Treatment

    Just because acne is caused by the substance within your body, doesn’t mean that you should neglect your external skin treatment. It is also very important to treat your skin from the outside. However, the holistic method will usually focus on using only natural products (usually from plants) in order to do it. External treatment alone will not cure your acne, but combined with the other three aspects, this will be a great way to boost your healing process, as well as prevent your acne from coming back to your skin again.

    Note: Most people rely only on external treatment. That’s why they only see temporary result or no result at all. The right way to use external treatment is to combine it with the other treatments (mind, body, and spirit) as well.

    So, that’s it. You already know about the best way to cure acne completely. Let me repeat it: The Holistic Method. The only hope for you, who are suffering from bad and severe acne condition right now, is to cure your acne holistically. This is the only way to be completely free from your acne condition, once and for all.

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    Source by Riz J. Natalie

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  • Teaching Entrepreneurship To Children: Should We Do It?

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    Should we be teaching entrepreneurship to children? When you were a child did you ever have a stand where you sold soft drinks like sodas? Did you ever offer cakes and candy to other students at school in order to make some money?

    Not everybody is bitten by the entrepreneurial bug when they are kids however. I truly believe that it’s vital teaching entrepreneurship to children. The harsh realities of entering into the workforce in a difficult economy presents a lot of challenges. The alternative of being an entrepreneur and working for yourself is something that should be explained to children and young people.

    Making then Aware of an Alternative

    The main thing working against our children having an entrepreneurial mindset is our education system. With only a few exceptions, most of the teaching we get from the time we are in kindergarten to the day we graduate from college is…

    * Make sure you get a good education

    * Study hard and graduate with your degree

    * Get a wonderful job with great additional benefits and you’re set for life!

    There are a number of issues with this.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with working and getting a good job with for a terrific company. A lot of people end up doing this and a some enjoy it and make a huge contribution to their company.

    The real truth is that there is a HUGE portion of people who are not pleased with their jobs and are in fact totally dissatisfied. This can be due to the fact that they either do not like the work they do, who they actually work with or they may not get paid enough being just one paycheck away from being broke.

    The Second problem is that it is very RARE in these modern times to find anybody that works at one specific job for more than 3 to 5 years. Switching between jobs regularly has actually become the “brand-new standard”.

    That’s why it’s so essential in teaching entrepreneurship to children and revealing to them that there is an option to having to go out into the workforce to make a living. Would it not make more sense to instruct children about entrepreneurship and show them a that there is a very real alternative to living a life in the corporate world.

    Teaching them about things like beginning their own home-business… particularly an online business. We have to remember that the younger generation now invest most of their time online nowadays. So,when they are young, why not instruct them about how to make money with a medium like the internet that they are so comfortable using.

    Keeping it Real

    Understanding that children these days can truly benefit from finding out how to begin their own business, how do we begin teaching them about it?

    I think it’s extremely important to set the right expectations early on. Having your own business can be an amazing experience, however children should be taught that it does also include hard work and dedication. This is something that children (and adults) in some cases choose to skip over.

    The reality is beginning an online business has the possibility to make you a lot more money than most everyday jobs.

    It’s essential to offer children choices. Make them understand the benefits and challenges of working in the “Rat Race” and the alternative of working for themselves in their own business.

    To be really practical we have to remember that children will regularly want to select the most simple and “Safest” method rather than something that might present a greater challenge and require a little additional effort even though in the long-term they could be much better off.

    Keep Their Dreams Alive

    The last thing to keep in mind is to be supportive of children who wish to start their own company. You see most children still have dreams and goals when they are young.

    As time goes and life presents some obstacles to their dreams in various forms, children then start to lower their goals and become more willing to settle for mediocrity. That is unless they have someone to look up to and admire and to learn from. Be the kind of individual who motivates and supports those children to dream big and work hard to realise their ambitions.

    With it becoming harder to find a good job nowadays, young children (and lots of grownups) need to be aware of the option of a home based business as a vehicle to achieve their dreams and objectives. Teaching entrepreneurship to children and assisting them in preserving their dreams can help pave a path on their journey to financial freedom and a life filled with passion.

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    Source by Merv Stevens

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  • Lip Biting Habit – The Psychology Behind Our Habits

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    Lip Biting from this articles perspective is the constant chewing on the skin inside your mouth, often referred to as cheek biting or cheek chewing. This is a repulsive habit and like many habits can be very difficult to stop. This habit likely started out from feelings of stress or anxiety. It might also have started if you had a teeth brace and the metal would catch on the skin of your inner cheek and would tear a thin layer of skin off, not doing any real harm. However, this would mean you would roll your tongue over the lose skin and then want to bite it off. You use your fingers to push the skin towards your teeth and bite the excess skin away. Quite oddly, this is actually quite pleasurable and so you continue to bite more skin away.

    Whether you are lip biting due to stress, anxiety or just perceived pleasure, you have created a relationship between the thought you are having and the action you take. You see, the mind and body are linked. The mind affects the body and the body affects the mind. If there is an outer situation that you feel to be dangerous or painful, your subconscious mind will trigger an emotional response. Your body will naturally tense up and then you will feel even worse. These automatic reactions and trigger responses are programmed from a very early age, perhaps when you were learning to walk and you kept falling over. You hurt yourself when you fell over and so you felt pain. This then created a relationship and neural-pathway in the mind.

    Neural-pathways are elongated neurons in the brain that connect one side of the nervous system to the other. Basically they are created when we perform a task. The neural pathway gets stronger when we repeat the action. We perform a task for the first one or few times using our conscious mind (present thought mind) and then as we repeat it goes in our subconscious mind (auto-pilot mind). The action has become familiar and the subconscious mind takes over and acts on auto-pilot. The subconscious mind is where our habits are stored.

    There is a relationship between the feeling of stress or anxiety, and the action you take when lip biting. This relationship is known as Pavlovian Conditioning. This was discovered and named after Ivan Pavlov, a famous Russian physiologist He would ring a bell at the exact time he would feed his dogs. Then after a while he would ring the bell and the dogs would come running salivating. This proves the relationship in the mind of an outside situation can affect the mind and can then affect the body’s reaction to that situation. This same concept is why when you feel stressed, you automatically start lip biting without you even knowing it. It is embedded in your subconscious.

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    Source by Dave Kennedi

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  • How To Sell More Affiliate Products As A Blogger

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    As a blogger, if you are selling affiliate products in a bid to maximize your passive income potential, there may be several things that you could be doing to improve it even more.

    Selling affiliate products allows you to put the links on your blog and receive commission whenever somebody buys that products or other products through clicking the link on your site.

    Here are some of the ways you can sell more affiliate products as a blogger.

    Make It Personal

    It has been statistically proven that people are much more likely to buy (or avoid) something after reading a personal review. With that in mind, rather than just posting some objective comments about the products you are promoting as an affiliate buy them and try it out for yourself.

    You can then write about what you liked and didn’t like, and people who follow your blog religiously will really value your thoughts. You could even contact the seller and come to an agreement regarding free trial products for you to review on your blog.

    Write About Other Things

    If everything you ever write is centered around a product and why other people should buy it, you will struggle to make much money through affiliate marketing.

    People want to read something that sounds genuine, so only review and promote the products that you really believe in. Your blog will stand out and sound more real, and you’ll be able to benefit from quality buyers and readers.

    Give Things Away

    This can vary depending on what your blog is about, but you can give away free guides, tutorials, checklists, newsletters, magazines, or even physical goods sent out in the post. By giving free things away on your blog as well as promoting or reviewing the pricey items for sale, your readers will come to regard your blog as something fun and exciting, rather than just a platform for trying to get commission from them.

    Offer Something Extra

    If you really want people to buy the item through your blog rather than through the website of another affiliate marketer, you’ll need to offer something extra. People will buy without hesitation if they feel like they’re getting a really good deal. This could be your own personal guide to using the item, or it could be a small extra that you like to use with it and will send out to all buyers separately.

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    Source by Jon Allo

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • I Quit Wealthy Affiliate! – Are You One of These Quitters?

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    There are some people who quit Wealthy Affiliate and that’s just normal because not everyone aren’t going to be comfortable with their learning system. You know that earning some serious money online is a possibility right? It’s not your fault if you’re not having results because the so-called gurus would like you to believe that there’s a magic pill to online success.

    In this article I would like to share with you my observations of those people who are quitting Wealthy Affiliate. If you’re looking for some information on why people quit WA then this is going to be an important article that you must read. You really don’t want to be wasting your time and money on something that you’re not prepared for.

    One group of people who quit WA is those who are looking to get rich quickly online. This group of people will always exists because let’s face it, almost everybody wants some instant gratification and sadly they’re not willing to work hard for it. If you think that you belong in this group then you better start snapping out of it.

    If you were in my place you would get really shocked because there were really some members complaining about the system inside Wealthy Affiliate. Some of them have been inside for only a few days up to a few weeks and yet they had the nerve to call WA a fraud. But that was back when the membership was under $40 per month.

    Back when the monthly fee was lower, many people jumped right into WA because they were seeing a lot of positive reviews from other successful members. I hope that you already know that it’s ultimately up to you whether you’re going to be successful online or in any areas of your life. Don’t let anyone take care of your destiny.

    Another group of individuals who give up Wealthy Affiliate are those who are in a rush to learn everything all at once. You can spot them because they will complain about the slow pace of the WA action plan which is roughly 2.5 months before you can finish it. They think that it’s WA’s way of making them stay longer but it’s really not.

    Now if you’re someone who has some urgent expenses or bills to pay then you shouldn’t dive right into Wealthy Affiliate or into making money online. You’re going to have a real difficult time into learning this business if you’re in some kind of pressure to make some money. If you have the right type of mindset then your success is inevitable.

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    Source by Raymond Selda

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  • My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me – The Hidden Truth to Why She Does This and How to Fix It Fast!

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    Are you stuck in a marriage where you’re helplessly saying my wife always criticizes me? It’s troublesome, to be honest downright annoying.

    But the truth is that you created the environment for this to happen, and now you have to create the environment where it WON’T happen. But you’ve got to do it right or things can just get worse…and fast!

    What To Do When You’re in a Marriage Where You’re Saying My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me

    There’re really only a few good reasons why you’d be saying my wife constantly criticizes me. The great part is that nearly all of them lead to one major problem, which means that there’s really one major fix. It’s getting this fix right that can be the sticking point.

    So what are some of the reasons that your wife is constantly criticizing you? Let’s go through them now…

    Reasons Your Wife is Criticizing You…

    Resentment – Many times criticism stems from resentment. It’s basically a passive aggressive way of her telling you that she resents you. Jus think about when you resent someone, how every little thing can bother you about that person.

    And when resentment rears its ugly head the weapon of choice is usually criticism.

    Lack of Respect – Now this one can be a bit tricky and here’s why. Your wife may not have respect you for different reasons. But it’s very likely that the reasons that she’s put forward aren’t really the true reasons at all.

    Most of the time when a woman doesn’t respect you, she’ll try to tell you that it’s because you’re not doing enough of the stuff like buying flowers, and being sweet and lovable. But usually she doesn’t even realize that this is NONSENSE, and basically completely opposite of the real reason.

    The real reason that a woman usually loses respect for her husband (barring that there’s no abuse in the relationship) is that you’ve lost your MAN status in the home. In other words you’re no longer the captain of the ship that she NEEDS in order to have that respect for you.

    Your wife, by the very nature of her DNA…going way back from her ancestors in the caves MUST have you being the alpha male in the home, or she cannot respect you and therefore…

    She’s Not Attracted to You – In a nutshell, it all comes down to attraction. It may sound hard to believe, especially when the problem started out as “my wife constantly criticizes me” that it would come down ultimately to attraction, but it does.

    If your wife resents you it’s because you’ve lost your manhood status. You’re no longer the alpha male that she needs in her life. If your wife has no respect for you, it’s for the same reason. How can she have respect for you if you’re not evoking the very qualities that she needs in a man? If you’re not being the man that she needs to have, then she’s basically by nature got every right not to respect you any longer.

    If she resents you and has no respect for you, then she cannot be attracted to you. And the fact is that a wife that is attracted to you will move mountains to be with you. A wife who is ultimately down to her core attracted to you, will worship the ground you walk on. You’ve seen this with your own eyes, every time you’ve seen a woman who was with a jerk, or an ugly guy.

    The fact is that she respected and was completely attracted to that guy, because HE was a MAN who exuded ALPHA MALE status. Become that guy and you’ll no longer be saying my wife constantly criticizes me!

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    Source by Jason T. Nelson

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  • Sports Figures, Drugs, and America’s Drug Problem

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    There have been a lot of sports figures in the news recently as a result of drugs. Most recently, Alex Rodriguez has been accused of steroid use. This was a major story as he appeared to be one of only a handful of “clean” baseball heroes of recent times. Just prior to the Rodriguez scandal was the Phelps scandal. If you are one of the three people in the country that haven’t heard, he had been photographed smoking marijuana from a bong. And drugs and sports grabbing headlines doesn’t stop there, as recent articles on Fox Sports have discussed steroid use among the 70’s Steelers, and the recent arrest of Corie Blount, a former NBA player, who was allegedly caught with 29 pounds of marijuana. There was also the arrest of Jacksonville Jaguar former first round pick Matt Jones for cocaine possession early in last year’s football season.

    An interesting article I read on the Phelps scandal was by sometimes controversial sports writer Jason Whitlock. In the article he challenges what some saw as a racial double standard, and even briefly discusses some of the issues with this country’s war on drugs. His article is related to some of the material I use in the course I teach on “The Psychology of Drugs and Drug Abuse.” I show highlights of a documentary called “American Drug War: The Last White Hope.” This film does a good job (although biased at times) of showing the dark side of this war on drugs.

    As an example of America’s misperception of the drug problem, were you aware that tobacco kills more people than all other drugs combined, including alcohol? According to Hart, Ksir, and Ray, smoking is responsible for about 440,000 premature deaths per year. In comparison, alcohol is responsible for at least 20,000 accidental deaths per year, and up to 75,000 in this country when you combine accidental deaths (car accidents, boating accidents, falls, etc.) and deaths from the ill affects on the body (cirrhosis, heart disease, etc.). And these numbers far surpass the deaths from illegal drugs (10-20,000 per year). In fact, illegal drugs kill less Americans then the misuse of prescription drugs. (I had difficulty getting accurate data on prescription drug deaths as a result of misuse, but most articles and sources make it clear that prescription drug misuse causes more deaths per year than illegal drugs).

    According to the documentary I mentioned earlier, some of the contributors to the war on drugs are the companies from the tobacco and alcohol industries. Additionally, this documentary uses interviews with former government officials to substantiate the claim that the war on drugs has been a colossal failure. Street drugs today are more plentiful, more pure, and cheaper. So what has the war on drugs accomplished? According to statistics, it has resulted in approximately 50% of the incarcerated population being jailed for non-violent drug crimes.

    The point is that there are some real misconceptions about the substance abuse problem in this country. Perhaps we are paying attention to the wrong things. Rather than paying attention to cuts in funding for substance abuse rehabilitation, or to the incarceration of non-violent drug offenders, we seem much more concerned with our appointed heroes gaining an advantage in a sport they get paid huge amounts of money to play. Or in someone we have chosen to put on a pedestal, (a 23y/o at that) for letting us down by using marijuana at a college party. We are worried about street drugs, including marijuana, when prescription drug abuse is causing far more damage. And we wouldn’t think of making tobacco or alcohol illegal, despite the fact it causes far more health and welfare problems than illegal substances.

    Don’t we contribute to the sports worship issue? Don’t we make sports figures heroes and role-models, perhaps even more so than more worthy role-models? Don’t we make sports the business it is today, by buying the jerseys, paying the ticket prices, watching the games on television, and making sports the market that it is? Aren’t we quick to dethrone someone who makes a mistake, as if perfection is the only standard we’ll accept?

    I am not pro-drugs. I am not sure if I am pro legalization; I would have to give the issue more thought, and I’m not even sure I’m qualified to voice an opinion. But I am certain we are looking in the wrong directions when we look at drugs in this country. I am hoping it is time for a change: a change which finds all individuals seeking self actualization without the need for a substance; a time where compassion rules, rather than self-righteous indignation. I don’t believe many of us are going to get self actualized or become enlightened watching sports on television. But it is a nice distraction sometimes. How about that Superbowl?

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    Source by William Berry

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