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  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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  • Basics of Money Management

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    Money plays an important part in our every day lives and making the most of what we have will help us live a life free of financial pressures. By learning some basic rules, you can make life easier for yourself and for those who depend on you. Here are my basic rules.

    Rule one. Don't borrow money for consumable goods. What are consumable goods? They are stuff that lose value over time. Stuff you want but can live without. Examples are electronics, subscriptions to magazines, auto mobiles etc.

    Rule two. Live within your means. In other words, spend less than you make. I know that may sound hard if you are on a tight budget but to just take easy credit when it is available to you is simply inviting financial disaster.

    Rule three. Become financially educated. This can only be done by reading all you can about the various investment options available to you. There is really no excuse for not being kept up to date with all of the financial news because there is so much information on financial matters available on and offline.

    Rule four. Diversify. A mistake that some investors have made in the past is to put all of their eggs in the one basket only to find that the company they invested their money in went bellyup. Prudent investors diversify. That is spread their money around in various companies to minimize their risk.

    Rule five. Keep good company. There are people about who have bad attitudes toward financial planning and money in general and if you spend too much time with these people there attitudes can affect your thinking.

    Rule six. Take responsibility for your own finances. Some people will ask others for advice just so that they have someone to blame if things do not work out for them. A financial advisor will tell you to do this or that but at the end of the day it is your money and you are the one who reaps the rewards when the markets are up or takes a hit when they are down.

    Rule seven. Take a long-term view of your investments. Investing your savings is a long-term game and in order to take advantage of the gains in the markets you have to take a hit sometimes which means not panicking when the markets are going down.

    Rule eight. Keep the big picture in mind. In other words have a target or goal in mind. Are you saving for a house deposit or your retirement?

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    Source by Robert Alan Stewart

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  • Why Are Your Customers Not Buying?

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    The messages you put in front of your potential customer once they first discover your business can make all the difference between a sale and a pass, and between a happy customer and a disgruntled one.

    If your customers are not buying, you may be missing one of these five crucial elements.

    Have You Identified a Problem or Need?

    Take the time to learn about the “pain points” or problems people generally have in regards to your specific niche market. Your entire website should have content material that addresses the needs of your target audience.

    People don’t just want to be sold to. They are busy and keen to find out about solutions that work for their problems. By producing this kind of useful content on a frequent schedule, you are putting yourself out there as an expert worth paying attention to.

    Comparing Solutions Side-by-Side

    Your prospective customer will make side-by-side comparisons with similar products. If you show the value that you offer, it can swing their choice in your favor. Tables, index charts, images, features and benefits, customer reviews and opinions, are just the kinds of information they will be looking for.

    Retargeting will keep your products under consideration as they go around the internet searching for solutions. Many top websites allow for retargeting, so your potential customers will see your product frequently as they use the internet.

    Purchasing

    When a customer buys from your website, make sure the online buying process carries forward from the page into a sales receipt they can keep. Also, send an email to thank them for their purchase. Offer support with any customer service issues and don’t offer other items for sale that they’ve already bought.

    Follow-Up and Customer Satisfaction

    You can also add real value by sending hints and tips or a quick-start guide to using the product, and so forth. These little surprise gifts and add-ons don’t cost much in terms of time and effort, but they can have a huge impact in terms of customer satisfaction, their and their long-term loyalty to your business and products.

    Request For Their Money Back

    If you do get a request for a refund within the agreed timeframe, provide it promptly and with courtesy. Do ask for a reason why they want a refund, but don’t demand it. Leave them in your customer email list, but, personalize their offers by not continuing to promote to them the item they have already decided to return.

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    Source by Jon Allo

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  • A Basic Principle of Healing: First, Do No Harm

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    The Greek healer, Hippocrates, set the first standards for medicine in the form of the Hippocratic Oath.

    A basic principle of that oath was

    “First do no harm.”

    This ethic is meant to be the guide for whatever intervention a physician or healer uses to assist a patient to heal because…

    the actual healing itself is done by the body.

    For example, you accidentally cut your finger. You may clean the wound and put an antiseptic on it, followed by a bandaid.

    None of these things actually cause the cut to heal. That work is done by the physical body itself.

    • Cleaning the wound and using an antiseptic remove bodies that may interfere with the physical body’s ability to repair the cut.
    • A bandaid, or bandage, assists by keeping the cut clean, and may hold the two sides of the cut together, thus making it easier for the body to reconnect the tissues as it repairs the wound.

    This is similar to how Energy Healing helps you recover from an illness or an injury.

    In Energy Healing, the facilitator’s (healer’s) primary responsibility is to support the body’s natural healing processes.

    This is done in a number of ways.

    1. Removing energy blocks that may interfere in the healing process.
    2. Supporting the body energetically so that it has the energy it needs to do the repair work.
    3. Communicating clear intentions to the body so it understands the expectations and goals of the person whose body it is.
    4. Assisting the body to let go of energy patterns that are interfering with the healing process, such as trapped emotions, limiting beliefs, and distorted vibrational patterns.

    A healing facilitator communicates with expert energy healers in higher realms who may be able to see or perceive subtle aspects of damage that are outside the third dimensional reality.

    Full recovery may require that those damaged area be repaired as well.

    A well-known example of this type of situation would be a damaged chakra.

    A chakra is a spinning wheel of energy. The most well known chakras are along the spinal column.

    There are also many chakras of varying sizes throughout the physical and other energy bodies. Some chakras are part if the meridian system used in acupuncture and are called “acupuncture points.”

    When a chakra is damaged or functioning improperly, a complete healing outcome may be compromised.

    Each chakra may be a slightly different size, color and complexity, depending on where it is located in the body and the services it performs.

    Chakras are a basic part of the energy anatomy of all conscious beings.

    Humans and animals have chakras, and so do plants.

    Mother Earth has chakras as well.

    Within the physical body of a human or animal, the various organs and glands have chakras specifically designed to keep each one in balance and harmony by providing essential “life force” to that part of the anatomy.

    When my cat Violet was diagnosed with early stage renal (kidney) failure, I discovered that one of her kidneys had a chakra that was misaligned and wasn’t able to function properly as a result.

    By repairing Violet’s kidney chakra with energy healing, I assisted her kidney to function better. Using muscle testing, I was able to increase the energetic ability of the kidney to function by more than 50%.

    This contributed to Violet feeling more comfortable in her body for a longer time than she might have otherwise.

    In all types of energy healing, “First, do no harm” remains an essential ethical principle.

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    Source by Nedda Wittels

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  • Become the Network Marketing Superstar You Want to Become

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    What is holding you back from becoming the hottest network marketing superstar today? Would you like to change some elements to improve your business and watch it grow? Most people reading this will want to achieve some new changes in their lives and businesses. So, you know that you need changes in your life. At least you recognize that you have weaknesses, but do you know your strengths? Have you written out a list of your strengths and weaknesses. This is a map to discovering your next action steps. Don’t be fooled by doing it half way, be true and write out what you think is a weakness and strength. Only then will you know what areas you can change to become that superstar.

    Building the Network Marketing Superstar from the ground up

    This map has the potential to help you become a stronger person in life and in your network marketing business. You can use it to find tools and educational resources to help you develop the inner winner within. You are a champion already, but don’t you want to take it to the next level? If and when you are serious about making life improvements, try creating the list. Be 100% honest with it and you then you can take the step of faith into making changes to yourself. The hardest part is taking the action step. Most times, people will shy away from jumping into making little changes to certain habits or pursuing their educational needs.

    If you want to make your network marketing business better, you may want to consider taking serious action on your list. There may be small issues that are conflicting with your ability to connect with your audience. You may only need some additional education to overcome a slump. In other cases, some folks may need to take actual “action” and put “effort” into the business. Whatever is causing a conflict with your success needs to be found and dealt with now. If unsure about the issue, dig deeper into your activities and see what has changed and what your trainer has suggested to do. Your trainer can answer your questions and point you to some resources, but if you don’t use them. You won’t grow and become a stronger marketer. If you have a learning disability, you can work with it and find tools to help you understand the material and software better.

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    Source by David L. Feinstein

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  • The Success Avoidance Syndrom

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    Life is full of ironies and paradoxes. One of the most amazing of these is the human tendency to cry for and cling to those things that hurt them. As one notable poet put it, “people run for their chains.” Is it not amazing that people generally dislike prisons, and yet it is a known fact that many former prisoners would rather be in prison than out of it? How many people out there are clinging to and crying for relationships, and yet they fully know that those same relationships are dysfunctional and leading nowhere?

    How many companies, individuals and nations are tenaciously holding onto solutions that have passed their sale by date? How many people desire to lose weight and to be in good health, and yet daily crave for and indulge in those behaviors that negate this aim? My proposition is that there are many. Perhaps the most debilitating human condition is the success avoidance syndrome. Put simply, people have this tendency to want and wish for success, and yet simultaneously unwittingly avoid the things that make for success. They desire success but hasten their feet towards failure. Below is a synopsis of the traits of the success avoiding individual.

    o Risk Avoidance.

    Many people want to succeed in life but they are averse to risk. However, the very nature of success is that the greater the risk involved the greater the rewards. Every opportunity carries within it a certain amount of risk. To try is to risk failing; to propose is to risk being turned down; to love is to risk heartbreak; to advance is to risk repulsion and resistance; to lead is to risk criticism and being cartooned; to express yourself is to risk appearing a fool; to seek profits is to risk making losses; to put your views to the public (like I am doing now) is to risk being ridiculed; to trust people is to risk being disappointed; to be yourself is to risk being rejected; to be a copycat is to court frustration; to write an exam is to risk failure and disappointment; to communicate is to risk being misunderstood, to buy something is to risk dissatisfaction and dissonance; to get an insurance policy is to risk paying for a service that may never become necessary.

    It is true that risk is often uncomfortable. However, the alternative which is failure, frustration and underachievement is even worse. Not only is the alternative very discomfiting, but it is also painful. Any risk minimization strategy is therefore actually a success reduction mechanism. A faint heart never wins a fair lady, and there is no crown for the coward. It is that simple. The winners know that the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. After all to be alive is to risk dying some day and we will all die, so what is the big deal?

    Before we leave the subject of risk it is important to underline that there is a big difference between taking risks and taking gambles. To gamble is to put oneself at the mercy of fate and chance. With gambling one has no influence over the outcome at all and a good example is lottery. However, when one takes risk one does not become a prisoner of fate but remains a participator in a process in which the success is not guaranteed, but the chances thereof can be influenced by one’s own decisions and actions. There is no self determination with gambling, but the risk taker retains some control.

    o Failure Avoidance

    The person obsessed with avoiding failure learns to do nothing. It is only that person that never does anything, that never makes mistakes. In truth there is no effort without shortcomings. However, action is a progenitor of success and it follows logically that the person who never engages in meaningful and serious action by this very act of omission avoids success. Activity, of course is not to be confused with progress, but there can never be progress without activity. Failure avoidance is success avoidance. Period.

    Failure avoidance is a learnt habit. Research indicates that families, companies and environments replete with criticism, cynicism, pessimism, threats of punishment and motivation by fear are a good breeding ground for failure avoiders. To the contrary affirmation, recognition, acknowledgement, praise, reward and encouragement constitute the diet of the success pursuers. Creativity and innovation cannot co-habit with fear of failure and punishment.

    The failure avoiders are regulated by their fear of failure, but the winners are inspired by their dreams. In most cases the failure avoiders keep fresh the memories of their past failures, catastrophes, fiascos and heartbreaks. Their minds are filled with imaginations of pain and failure and negative outcomes. They always fear and expect the worst. They think in terms of and look for limits, but the winner thinks in terms of and looks for opportunities.

    The loser is therefore always running away from limits, while the winner is running towards opportunity. The winner recognizes that limits and opportunities are one and the same thing. The difference lies in the eye of the beholder and how he chooses to interpret what he sees. The failure avoider sees the challenges as stumbling blocks to be avoided but the winner sees them as stepping stones to be embraced and utilized. In truth every challenge brings with it an opportunity to grow, but it is easy to miss this opportunity if one sees it as a burden, problem or disappointment.

    What have you been avoiding all your life and of late? What have you been hesitating to do? Is it a conversation, telephone call or important decision? Whatever it is, take time to reflect on whether your avoidance does not constitute success avoidance. To be continued, expect some more.

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    Source by George Chingarande

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  • Alternative Medicine Treatment of Plantar Fasciitis

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    Plantar fasciitis (PF) affects approximately two-million people in the US, of both athletic and non-athletic populations. This condition can be debilitating and significantly affect one’s quality of life in a very negative way. There are few high quality studies on this condition and the most successful treatments. Treatments range from chiropractic care, physical therapy, injections and surgeries. Fortunately this condition can typically be resolved with conservative treatment and lifestyle modifications that can prevent going under the knife. Simply put, plantar fasciitis is a strain with subsequent inflammation of the thick tissue (plantar fascia) and muscles on the bottom of the foot causing heel pain. Plantar fasciitis (PF) is characterized by biting heel/mid arch pain when first bearing weight in the morning, or after long periods of rest. The pain typically subsides within 5 minutes of walking or running, then worsens with long term activity or weight bearing. It is also associated with tired, achy feet at the end of the day and foot cramps. PF is seen in both active and inactive people, and is rarely the result of an acute injury. PF can be the result of several different factors: repetitive overuse injuries, poor fitting footwear, overtraining, structural abnormalities of the foot and improper gait mechanics. PF often becomes a chronic and/or recurring problem if not given the appropriate treatment and follow up care.

    Some contributing factors to the development of plantar fasciitis:

    Structural abnormalities: Plantar fasciitis is very commonly seen with pes planus (pictured left), or flat footed individuals. As you can see, this individual’s medial arch is almost flush with the ground. This can create strain on the plantar fascia. Severe injuries resulting in the need for surgical fusion of the foot can also create strain on the plantar fascia. In these cases of severe structural abnormalities, orthotics are typically indicated. Rehabilitation including foot strengthening exercises, chiropractic manipulation and soft tissue techniques can relieve pain and help to alleviate strain on the tissues and resolve flair ups. We use custom orthotics from Foot Levelers in our office. Using a 3-D scanner, we can have custom orthotics made to support the full structure of your foot.

    Poorly fitting footwear: Wearing improper footwear over time can lead to PF. If a shoe doesn’t fit your foot properly, your gait is altered during any weight bearing activity. This has an effect on the entire kinetic chain and can ultimately cause strain on the plantar fascia. The strength and flexibility of your foot will determine your best type of footwear.

    Overtraining: Can be a huge contributor to PF. What many athletes, weekend warriors and the like tend to overlook is the importance of recovery in their training regimens. If your tissues don’t have optimal nutrition, rest and repair time they start DEgenerate rather than REgenerate. Especially when it comes to long distance running, or quick sprints, the feet have a lot of demand.

    Nerve Impingement: Plantar fasciitis can be a symptom of sciatic nerve impingement. The sciatic nerve is the thickest nerve in your body. It originates from your lumbosacral plexus of nerves typically L4-S1/S2 with some individual anatomical variation. Although this nerve is commonly blamed for all radiating leg pain, it is only responsible for pain along its trajectory down the posterior aspect of the leg and foot. In some impingement cases, the pain can skip the back of the leg altogether and go straight to the foot. Impingement along any portion of the nerve can result in pain, but it doesn’t have to be in the leg. If there is enough impingement along this nerve, any added pressure, say forced dorsiflexion of the foot when standing or walking, can be just the right tension to create exquisite foot pain. Our bodies are always trying to protect our nervous system; reflexively the muscles surrounding the nerve will tighten in an attempt to avoid any further stretch or tension of the nerve. Ultimately, this leads to inflammation of the plantar fascia and the surrounding muscles.

    Other Factors:

    Systemic Inflammation: Though general systemic inflammation is typically not the cause of plantar fasciitis, it will increase your symptoms. For this reason we strongly encourage our patients to eat an anti-inflammatory diet specific to their needs. We also understand no one is perfect or eats perfect all the time, which is why we encourage an 80/20 approach; eat clean 80% of the time and use the other 20% to indulge. Curcuminoids, like those found in turmeric are great to help blot down inflammation in acute cases of plantar fasciitis.

    Alternatives to conservative care:

    Cortisone or steroid injections are very commonly given for Plantar fasciitis. In some really tough cases this can absolutely be necessary to “put out the fire” that is the inflammatory cascade, to get you out of pain initially. We never recommend looking at this option as a cure. Cortisone is a very powerful anti-inflammatory that alleviates pain without correcting the underlying issue, potentiating further injury and recurrent episodes. Another option is surgical intervention. In some cases, surgery is the best option for a particular case. We prefer to exhaust conservative treatment options before travelling down this avenue. A study on an overweight and obese population (43 total) suffering with plantar fasciitis for an average of 34.8 months, were given decompressive surgery to the nerve to the abductor digiti minimi with partial plantar fascia release and tracked over a 4-year period. It was found that 75.6% of patients were in deed pain-free or had only mild pain post-surgery (pain decreased from an 8.5/10 to a 2.5/10). However patient satisfaction post-surgery was only 48%.

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    Source by Ann Barter

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