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  • The Husband and Wife Relationship – Understand the Dynamics

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    The relationship between a husband and wife are usually complex, and many married couples do not understand the dynamics of the relationship they are in this is the cause of many failing relationships. For a really strong marriage they both need to understand how the dynamics of a husband and wife relationship works. The key to the question of dynamics is to appreciate just how men and woman are poles apart not only physically but more importantly emotionally and mentally.

    These differences are best illustrated when you consider the way a husband and wife relationship approaches the matter of problem solving, which shows how they approach problems in completely different ways

    The wife will typically talk about the problem with friends and family alike, explore different angles for a solution then combine that research with input from her group of family and friends. This may take some time because women in general like to discuss various solutions and how they feel and relate to the problem, before deciding on any one answer.

    The husband on the other hand is more likely tom be a solitary thinker and by virtue of that will be unlikely to discuss the problem with anyone till he has decided on the solution to the problem.

    In the husband and wife relationship, problems can be caused by their opposite approach to problem solving, the husband could think that she is taking the problem lightly by talking too much to her friends and family when in his opinion she should be thinking rather than talking about the solution. Conversely the wife may be concerned that he is not addressing their problems because he is not talking about it, when in reality the reason he is not talking about it is that it is constantly on his mind but he has not yet come up with an answer to discuss.

    Some of the time a wife can talk about a problem she may have, simply to vent her feelings about a certain matter, to lessen the tension they feel rather than to get an opinion on how to solve the issue. In that way she express her thoughts in front of her friends who in the main will empathize with her while not necessarily offering their opinion as to the solution. Men on the other hand rarely talks about a problem unless he wants advice or help to reach a solution to the problem

    The danger is in this situation is that a husband might give his wife his considered opinion as to the solution to a problem, thinking that he is solving things in the way he thinks he is expected to, while his wife is thinking that he does want to listen to the problem and just giving an answer to put an end to the matter.

    Though not totally accurate the above example illustrates how the usual differences between men’s and women’s approach to problem solving work out. Understanding they way in which the different genders react can help to stop arguments about the way things are done, consider your partners needs before you act.

    The Husband and wife relationship understand the dynamics and you will builder a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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    Source by Tom Janic

    Views: 0

  • Wealthy Women Seeking Men? How To Find Wealthy Women Looking for Men!

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    The internet is a goldmine. And often a goldmine of wealthy women seeking men. You just need to know where to look and how to dig! This short article is aimed at men who want to find wealthy women looking for men. I will share with you all the tips I know.

    Where NOT to dig…

    Wealthy ladies tend to equate money with value. Therefore, you will not find them using free dating classifieds (like Craigslist.com) or free dating sites.

    X marks the spot…

    The two most high-population places online for you to find wealthy women looking for men are “millionaire dating” sites and any of the popular dating service (those that EVERYONE seems to join at one time or another).

    Saving your gold…

    Most of us cannot afford the millionaire dating sites. Their monthly membership fees in 2010 range from $49.95 to a ridiculous $99.99. Finding wealthy women seeking men need not, however, be an expensive occupation.

    Did you know most of the big name-brand dating sites offer new members a free membership? Yes. They tend to have sections for free members and ones for the free members. This is perfect for our purposes.

    Digging tips…

    Now, this is how you can easily find wealthy women looking for men on these sites. All you do is put in a search for local women. I would suggest women over 30, but it is entirely your decision. Once you have that list, some sites allow you to filter for income! Yes. So you can create a list of local ladies with high incomes.

    Now, sites that do not allow this are still great, perhaps even better (because other men like yourself are not competing with you for the rich ladies). In the case of these sites what you can do is merely view profiles of the local ladies. Look at their photo albums. If they live in big houses then send them a friend request. In this way you will, again, end up with a list of wealthy female friends who are on the site looking for men.

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    Source by Davina Anderson

    Views: 0

  • A Review of the Protege Financial Multi-Level Marketing Program

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    The company Protege Financial first registered their domain name in June 2006, although this is the first time I’ve heard of this company. They are based out of Valencia, CA. I’m very familiar with that area of Orange County being a Southern California native myself. The main reason this company exists is to provide their clients with investment vehicles that will not go away despite the bad economy.

    The partners that make up this company are Michelle Seward, Scott Foulk and Mark Francovich which claim to have 4 decades of investment and financial know how behind them. The owners also state they launched Protege Financial because they really care about their clients and set this company up with an MLM Compensation Plan to help spread the word across the United States. Apparently they officially just launched July 4th 2009.

    Apparently these 3 partners have already helped thousands of clients. When I visited their website they do have their actual office address, phone and fax number prominently visible on their website, so it appears they are not hiding. One of the main products they offer their clients are “Tax Free Income” vehicles that people can use to help hedge the low wages they could experience when they retire.

    When I visit the Protege Financial website, I don’t see any credential logos like CFP (Certified Financial Planner) or BBB (Better Business Bureau) or anything like that nor any Internet Trust Logos. I’m not a professional Website Designer and I could throw this website up within one night easy. The company that designed their site is based out of Idaho. Also I couldn’t find details on how much reps get paid for referrals or the MLM Compensation Structure.

    In addition, the website just had those generic type paid videos which appear to be a standard voiceover. I’ve heard the same voice on many other voiceovers used for other companies so they don’t sound original or sound like they come from the owners. And no pictures of the owners on the website, not even with their bio statements.

    This being the end of August 2009 and the fact that they launched launched July 4th 2009, I assume this site would have been completed by now. Add this to the fact that it is an investment company to be honest almost terrifies me. Money is hard to come by these days, and on the occasion when I am able to save a grand or so I like to put it in a Mutual Fund setup by my bank which is a major bank in the US.

    Protege Financial does offer a free consultation. When you get to the website, all you need to do is fill out a form and someone will end up calling you back. And if you live in or are visiting Southern California, they have Career Opportunity Meetings every Thursday evening from 7:00 to 9:00pm (as of the time of this writing) Pacific Time.

    I noticed a testimonials section on the Protege Financial website. It had 7 testimonials with just two initials under each name. Finally the company offers a free eBook just by filling out your Name, Email, City and State. This eBook is supposed to educate you on the basic types of Investment Vehicles that are out there.

    I’m not accusing this company of being a scam. They could very well be experienced financial planners with little experience on establishing credibility on the internet with trust logos, pictures of themselves, write-ups of successful reps in their company, etc.. But this is even more important in Network Marketing. I would be extremely cautious here. If anyone has had any experiences, good or bad with this company, we would like to hear about them and you can post your comments on our blog.

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    Source by Brian Garvin

    Views: 0

  • How Car Salesmen Can Get Unlimited Free Auto Sales Leads Fast

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    It is not that hard to get unlimited free automotive leads if you do it the right way and know what you are doing. With hundreds of millions of Google searches for cars and trucks every month, you now have the ability to quickly and easily make contact with many prospects.

    Get Your Information Out There

    You can reach thousands of prospects each month if you put your contact information in front of them when they are searching for a motor vehicle to buy. This means you have to find a way to get your contact information shown on the pages where they are looking, instead of your competitors’ information. When they see your name instead of theirs they will call you or stop by and see you instead of the competition.

    Due to search engine changes in 2011, you can now dominate your local search market for new and used cars and trucks. This is because Google and others now give search engine results based on local markets and local geographical areas. This is good for smaller local companies. It means you now have a way to be #1 online in your market.

    How To Get A #1 Ranking

    To get the #1 ranking in Google and all the other search engines means you must have a plan to get your name and contact information listed in so many places that Google can’t ignore you. Every time your name shows up somewhere online it is a vote for you to be #1, and the car dealer with the most votes will be ranked #1. We do this through a program of internet domination that includes every type of website you can think of, including blogs, forums, other local websites, business directories, articles, press releases, twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

    Once we do this, then Google starts noticing and believes you have a good website and a good car dealership because you are being mentioned so often in so many different places. How many other web cites and references it takes all depends on how competitive your market is.

    If you are trying to be #1 for all the search terms for new and used cars in a large city it will take more time and more work than a small city. With our domination system we have found we can get a car dealer to #1 even in a large city eventually.

    Your Window Of Opportunity

    What is in your favor right now is the fact that most of your competitors don’t know about all the changes in local search rankings. This gives you a window of opportunity to be ranked #1 now pretty quickly, at least in your own city.

    We have found that with the right help from an expert you can shoot to the top of not just Google but all the other search engines as well, including YouTube and other Google-owned websites. The problem is that many internet marketing firms are still using methods that worked a year or two ago but don’t work anymore. To get to #1 in your market means getting leads from many different websites, forums, directories and blogs, not just Google.

    Massive Online Presence

    The approach that works for local internet domination is to have a massive online presence, and to accomplish that we invented something called The Massive Lead Machine for automobile sales. This not only gets you top ranked it also gives you an ongoing, unlimited amount of free car leads from the internet. The Massive Lead Machine succeeds in positioning your business name and contact information in thousands of internet locations so that people online looking for vehicles will always be seeing your name and so will call you or stop by for a test drive.

    Positive Online Reviews

    Not only that, we have also created a system to get your business a lot of positive online reviews and a lot of favorable comments in discussion websites. This creates the most valuable form of advertising – word of mouth advertising. And this not only works better than expensive paid ads, but it is also free once you have a Massive Lead Machine working for you generating unlimited internet leads.

    Dominate Your Market

    All of this online publicity and word of mouth advertising, along with links, reviews, citations and top search engine rankings, will allow you to truly dominate your local market for auto and truck sales.

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    Source by Leo J. Vidal

    Views: 0

  • E-Mini Trading: The Ambush Trade

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    When e-mini trading, the Ambush trade can be a power tool in your arsenal of trading. It’s a Fibonacci trade, which certainly is not my favorite, but has a surprising level of success. This trade set-up, which occurs frequently, take some time and practice to recognize, but learning it can put valuable ticks on the positive side of your trading ledger.

    A quick note on trades utilizing Fibonacci number is in order here. I have no belief that Fib numbers hold any particular value in e-mini trading, but enough people believe in Fibonacci magic to make this trade a virtual self-fulfilling prophecy. I trade what works, regardless of my personal beliefs. Since enough e-mini traders have a high level of belief in Fibonacci trading, I will happily join in their fun.

    There are several ways to trade the Ambush trade, with some individuals believing that the entire range of the day is in order. These traders plot the usual Fibonacci numbers in the usual manner, only using the entire day’s range as their basis. Personally, I have found this trading methodology to be less successful than mine; I generally look to find a substantial move in the day’s trading and apply Fib retracements to that individual move. I have listened to numerous discussions on this topic some pro some negative; but for me, spotting a significant move and trading the Ambush on that move has been most successful.

    So what is the Ambush trade?

    As I mentioned previously, I generally notice a significant move in the day’s trading action and apply a set of Fibonacci retracement from the beginning of the move to the conclusion of the move. Essentially I am measuring the level of retracement of the initial move. The area I am interested is the 50% retracement to the 61.2 level of retracement. The area between these two plots is called the Ambush zone. I might add that the number 50 is not a Fib number but it gets thrown into the mix for reasons I don’t fully understand.

    Some aggressive traders automatically take a trade at a predetermined level in the ambush zone; say, at 50%. I personally don’t use this method, as I generally wait for the market to begin to change directions before entering this trade. It’s an odd trade for those who are not accustomed to observing this trade, as it seems you are taking a trade “out of the blue” in a relatively strong retracement against the trend. But Fib traders are well aware of the Ambush trade and are generally waiting patiently for the retracement to hit the Ambush zone. Then they take action, and trade in the direction opposite the retracement and in the direction of the original trend. I can generally get 12+ ticks out of this trade; but do not let it run, as the price action often resumes in the direction of the retracement. This is not a trade to get greedy on, get your ticks and get out at the first sign of movement opposite the direction of your trade.

    In summary, I have described a very popular trade among experienced traders based upon Fibonacci retracements. This trade is relatively consistent so I look for it throughout the course of the day. Don’t try to eek every tick out of this trade, and exit at the first sign of the trade moving against your position.

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    Source by David S. Adams

    Views: 0

  • Internal Customer Service: Guidelines for Suppliers and Contractors

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    Change management and organization development experts talk about ‘creating alignment’ – aligning organizational strategy with daily business needs. And a big part of this is creating alignment between customer needs and employee actions as customer service providers. But we also have to take note of internal customers – those people within the organization that service us – as internal customers and who we service as internal customers. “There is a remarkably close and consistent link between how internal customers are treated and how external customers perceive the quality of your organization’s services. It is almost impossible to provide good external service if your organization is not providing good internal service.” R. Zemke and K. Anderson, Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service, 1981.

    And it’s not just about internal customers within the walls of your organization, it’s also about those arms-length internal customers and customer service providers – suppliers and contractors – those people who either supply your organization directly or come into contact with your external customers, directly, as your representative. These suppliers and contractors should be considered an integral part of your organization and the service they provide should be measured as accurately and frequently as you measure the service level you provide.

    To my mind, servicing others, whether internal or external (customer, supplier, colleague, peer, supervisor, contractor), should reflect the values of your organization and the process to retain the best customers – again, whether internal or external – can be applied across any of these groups. Suppliers and contractors should be selected and retained based on their commitment to servicing your customers – and your employees – as you require them to be serviced. Although you do not ‘own’ these suppliers and contractors, you have the right to demand the equivalent level of service you provide to your customers. When selecting your suppliers and contractors, or measuring the ones you currently are associated with, the following guidelines may help ensure that internal service meets the standard.

    Recruit suppliers and contractors as you would your employees.

    You should be seeking out the best person for the job, the high performer who will be able to deliver on your business expectations and drive up results for your company. Why not utilize some of the recruiting tools you use when conducting a search for an employee? Think about it. You will be paying this supplier or contractor to perform services for you or your customers so you should expect them to be of the calibre you expect from a new employee. Consider requesting a resume of their qualifications and experience, customers they have serviced, certifications that may be required, and if available, customer testimonials. Interview them in a similar fashion to the way in which you interview for employees. Check their references and make sure you put in place a contractual arrangement that clearly documents what you expect from them and what they can expect from you (this is just another version of position profiles and expectations for the role).

    In these cases, you are seeking high performers capable of servicing both your customers and your employees. And you have a responsibility to provide them with the information, resources and possibly, tools, they will need to service both these groups accurately and professionally.

    Provide clear expectations of performance.

    Even if your suppliers and contractors have worked with your organization for a long period of time, it is critical to periodically review your expectations of their role and how you expect them to service your customers. Customers are retained because they have developed a good relationship with their supplier and any contractor or supplier who is dealing with your customer directly, is seen by the customer to be an employee of your company, and hence; representing your company.

    When I was a general manager for an energy distribution company, one of our contractor service technicians accidentally cut the customer’s phone line. The first issue for the customer was, of course, the cut phone line and the inconvenience associated. The second issue was that the contractor apologized but told the customer he would have to call our company to secure satisfaction regarding the cost and inconvenience of having the line repaired. The third issue was the response the customer received from the Branch Manager when he called our company office to complain. He was told we were not responsible since it was a contractor that had cut the line! Yes, I too, was shocked when the customer got through to me to complain and told me what the Branch Manager had said. Even more distressing was the fact that the Branch Manager defended his position when I called him about the complaint!

    No doubt we did not clearly identify to our contractor our customer service expectations. To me, they were simple. Apologize to the customer, call our office immediately to request a solution and then work with the customer to get the solution implemented. Simple to me but certainly not to our contractor or, I quickly discovered, to my Branch Manager.

    So my next step was to build a contractor customer service agreement and develop a customer service training program to implement with both our employees and our contractors. We then implemented it across my region. We still had customer service issues with both our contractors and our employees, periodically,but this was a great first step.

    Conduct frequent performance reviews.

    Providing your suppliers and contractors with regular, specific feedback will not only give you confidence that they are meeting your needs but will also provide opportunities for them to discuss any customer service challenges, issues, or problems with you before they result in lost customers. These regular reviews should be part of the contract between you and the contractor and they should be implemented on schedule. During these reviews you should include their primary employee contacts to ensure all partners are clear about the issues and able to participate in developing the solutions. This secures commitment to the solutions.

    Reward and recognize customer service excellence.

    At a minimum, providing them with a reference signifies that you are pleased with their customer service performance. But, without a doubt, the best reward for suppliers and contractors is securing more work from you.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to ensuring alignment between your company, your employees and your suppliers and contractors – to the business goals and strategy. All sectors can then be focused on delivering the expected level of customer service to the customer base you want to retain.

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    Source by Donna Stevenson

    Views: 0

  • How To Sell More Affiliate Products As A Blogger

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    As a blogger, if you are selling affiliate products in a bid to maximize your passive income potential, there may be several things that you could be doing to improve it even more.

    Selling affiliate products allows you to put the links on your blog and receive commission whenever somebody buys that products or other products through clicking the link on your site.

    Here are some of the ways you can sell more affiliate products as a blogger.

    Make It Personal

    It has been statistically proven that people are much more likely to buy (or avoid) something after reading a personal review. With that in mind, rather than just posting some objective comments about the products you are promoting as an affiliate buy them and try it out for yourself.

    You can then write about what you liked and didn’t like, and people who follow your blog religiously will really value your thoughts. You could even contact the seller and come to an agreement regarding free trial products for you to review on your blog.

    Write About Other Things

    If everything you ever write is centered around a product and why other people should buy it, you will struggle to make much money through affiliate marketing.

    People want to read something that sounds genuine, so only review and promote the products that you really believe in. Your blog will stand out and sound more real, and you’ll be able to benefit from quality buyers and readers.

    Give Things Away

    This can vary depending on what your blog is about, but you can give away free guides, tutorials, checklists, newsletters, magazines, or even physical goods sent out in the post. By giving free things away on your blog as well as promoting or reviewing the pricey items for sale, your readers will come to regard your blog as something fun and exciting, rather than just a platform for trying to get commission from them.

    Offer Something Extra

    If you really want people to buy the item through your blog rather than through the website of another affiliate marketer, you’ll need to offer something extra. People will buy without hesitation if they feel like they’re getting a really good deal. This could be your own personal guide to using the item, or it could be a small extra that you like to use with it and will send out to all buyers separately.

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    Source by Jon Allo

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Vagus Nerve Stimulation Therapy Can Eliminate Drug Cravings, Finds Study

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    Addiction to any substance can make the life of an individual topsy-turvy. From spending a fortune to deceiving own family, a person addicted to illegal substances can go to any extent. But how does addiction force someone to put so much at stake and then lose all? There are several factors at play when it comes to dealing with the growing problem of addiction.

    Cravings are a serious issue that torment numerous people fighting drug addiction, especially when they try to come off the addictive substance. Ironically, many people would have successfully attained long-term sobriety if cravings did not crop up with addiction. Apart from being considered as the major obstacles in recovery treatment, cravings are also the root cause of relapse.

    A complete recovery from addiction happens only when a person is free from cravings. Living a drug-free life without the need for constant monitoring against drug cravings can be difficult for a recovering individual, but a recent study published in the journal Learning and Memory has suggested that drug cravings can be effectively treated with vagus nerve stimulation (VNS) therapy. Under the therapy, the patients are taught new behaviors that replace their old addictive behavior of seeking drugs.

    Role of VNS in addiction recovery

    In the University of Texas at Dallas study, the researchers revealed that the VNS therapy helped patients to recover from the maladaptive behavior of drug taking. VNS is basically a surgical process wherein a device is implanted to a wire threaded along the vagus nerve, which travels up from the neck to the brain and connects with the area responsible for regulating mood. Sized as small as a silver dollar, the device works just like a pacemaker. It primarily works by sending a slight electric pulses through the vagus nerve, which further reaches to the brain, thereby controlling the cravings and urges.

    The methodology is approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and is considered as a potential treatment for treatment-resistant depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and paralysis. The study further highlighted that VNS facilitates “extinction learning” of drug-seeking behaviors by reducing cravings and replacing the behavior associated with addiction with new ones. “Extinction of fearful memories and extinction of drug-seeking memories relies on the same substrate in the brain. In our experiments, VNS facilitates both the extinction learning and reduces the relapse response as well,” said Dr. Sven Kroener of the University of Texas at Dallas.

    Drug-free life is possible

    Though addictive substances succeed in temporarily alleviating emotional and physical pains of drug abusers, they have to eventually cope with the painful symptoms of substance abuse. Besides developing a number of physical and mental problems, many of these individuals also become self-destructive and suicidal in nature.

    Addiction to any substance can be life-threatening. Only a comprehensive treatment program involving detoxification, medications, psychotherapies and other experiential therapies like yoga, meditation etc. can help an individual get sober. Moreover, a holistic recovery management plan is equally important to sustain the period of sobriety and manage cravings. However, the extent to which health care practitioners can garner results in the treatment for drug addiction is dependent on the clinical characteristics of the patients that may vary according to the type of drug being abused as well as its quantity, duration and the method of using the drug (oral or intravenous).

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    Source by Barbara Odozi

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  • Living Alone with Hemiparesis

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    Safety would be the primary concern of course when people with hemiparesis live alone or are alone for extended amounts of time. Of course your first references are your doctor, physical therapist and occupational therapists especially. This being stated, I can offer insights on some important items to consider in practical aspects of living alone after a traumatic brain injury or a stroke that result in a severe muscle weakness along the left or right side of the body and is sometimes exhibited in slight nerve damage as with me. Perhaps instead of living by them selves, it would be better to consider us living independently. At this writing, I will have reached almost thirty years of living with hemiparesis. Most of this time I was living alone and working as an engineer and writer, author.

    For us, the detrimental effects of hemiparesis are still prevalent even after initial rehabilitation and limited recovery. The effects can change with extreme variation.

    Effects When Tired or Awoken

    When the body is tired, effects can be worse and certainly more dangerous when living alone. An example is if awoken in the night, maybe by thirst, a call, or other concern. Even a healthy person could possibly stumble on sleepy legs or with eyes half open, but for those with left or right hemiparesis, the negative effects are magnified. A stumble can turn into a fall and possibly a head injury since one arm has poor strength, does not react quickly and is not likely to stop a fall. If a foot drags slightly during the day with shoes, then it can be so much worse at night even so unsafe that the person will roll over the toes so as to bruise them and fall forward on the weak side. Lessons learned here emphasize the need for uncluttered floors and hallways. A stray shoe on the floor or even newspaper can prove disastrous. Either could throw off the balance suddenly for a waking person especially in the dark.

    This brings up a suggestion for low level lighting in the home or apartment. Economical battery operated motion detector lights are available at many stores now or a search online. Even if a cane is not needed during the day; it would be wise to have a cane near the bed, even a quad cane for late night awakenings or an early morning rising. In the morning, there are other issues as tightened up leg muscles that need stretching before safely moving.

    Shower and Bathroom Safety

    Morning stretching is important, especially as we who are injured age but more importantly, shower safety needs to be addressed. There is much assistive devices available and occupational therapists can communicate effectively the needs here, however I can give you my thoughts. These are that it can be quite scary at times, especially if you have had an accident, falling in the shower, tub or bathroom before. You will need to be able to have something within reach on your good side to grab onto, basically at all times. Please note that if you can’t use the screwed in support rails and use the bars with suction cups, you really need at least two bars together. Redundant support as these are known t slip and when you have water or soap in your eyes and reach out with the bar slipping, it can be devastating. I would recommend having a bar on the entry or exit and on the opposite side. This way if a person with hemiparesis turns around there is always a bar on the good side.

    But it does not stop there. Bathroom floors are usually smooth surfaces and with one foot having no or minimal grab, then any water on a smooth tile or marble surface is like ice and can easily cause a fall when drying. Rubber backed rugs are most often used but can bunch up under feet. A work around solution for these throw rugs is rubber strips with adhesive on both sides. The local hardware store will have some rug grippers or search the web

    Dressing

    This is an area again where an occupational therapist assures you are prepared with any assistive devices for reaching around the weak side or fastening in back and collar. However, I can emphasize that so much more time needs to be available, just in case. Even though, there are assistive devices and there is ample training in doing this usually available before even leaving the hospital.

    Food Preparation, Cooking Kitchen Safety

    One’s ability to prepare meals will vary. I understand it’s good to be independent but in the kitchen it just may be smarter to minimize preparation with knives or stovetop. Even the oven can cause burns and fire easily. Having a cardboard pizza box fall onto a hot broiler iron can start a fire that is not too easy for someone with a disability to put out quickly. Sure there are now small convenient fire extinguishers available but some often need two good hands to operate correctly and then even finding it quickly can be an issue for trauma, brain injury or stroke victims.

    Fortunately, there has been an improvement In microwave dinners. This certainly would not be your first option in the past. However, I have been at this for almost thirty years now and I really have seen a great variety come on the market and costs go down. Good, healthy dinners can be cooked in one minute. I still bake chicken and pizze plus a few others but safety really needs to bethe forst priority. Losing balance and reaching out to find as hot frying pan to lean on can happen and I have personal experience, it’s not a quick heal having a burn in the palm of your good hand. Agsin here as in the bathroom, a rug with rubber backing and rug grabbers should be required.

    Mind Body Health Needs

    Concentration and Focus are the key in most everything that the person with hemiparesis might have to overcome. That is why ongoing brain training is so important.

    Human interaction, relationships contribute greatly to complex usage of our brain and even helping to stay young. Well living alone minimizes this benefit ad over time can have an adverse effect. Sure, some will say the upward potential may be limited but start with the objective of not losing ability. Without regular exercise, mind or body can atrophy to borrow a term used to describe not using muscles.

    There are free and paid sources on the web. There are now brain improvement magazines at the local supermarket and brain games are popular and effective, most even for one hand use.

    Geographic Area Specific Issues

    Depending on your locality, power outages can occur during natural events mostly as snow or ice storms, hurricanes, tornadoes. When living on the eastern coast, I lost power even when their was a high windstorm. Natural events as this can have an impact on people living with hemiparesis just as they do for others with a disability, elderly or families in general. However preparedness is the key here and living alone increases importance of having battery lighting, food, water, cell phone, radio, all available and easily attainable in possibly in the dark.

    The power loss may be worse in cold weather for this condition as detrimental effects can disable some people with this extreme muscle weakness and possibly nerve damage. This varies of course depending on person or injury but in general arms and legs can start shaking uncontrollably and a serious limitation to mobility. Poor effects are also exhibit in sudden changes of weather. Each person may experience this differently but a check with your physician is best.

    To assist in times as these, warm clothing, even a safe generator where it can be installed in a home as a backup are suggestions with heat packs available at sporting good stores or camping supply shop.

    Summary

    Some of the techniques and tips outlined here may seem obvious to some or simple but they are not always thought of ahead of time before they are used. This is evident in support forums online, knowing individuals and my own thirty years of living with hemiparesis. There are of course more but in general, consideration that movements can be slow at times as can thinking. An important point is if there is a loss of balance or tripping, it will most likely be on the weak side which of course doesn’t react fast nor have enough hand strength usually to hang on to something firmly. This is why safety is the first priority when living alone with this injury.

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    Source by Leon Edward

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