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  • Healthy Lifestyle in a Modern World

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    During the recent years many people have started doing exercise, taking yoga classes and also following strict diet in many countries. The reasons behind these activities are many, like work-stress, people suffering from diabetes, people taking lots of fats in their food and due to the pollution and the ongoing urbanization. Most of the people living in the cities suffer from heavy pollution due to heavy intakes of carbon monoxide in their bodies. Due to this heavy intake there are many side effects involved in this process.

    Most of the people are also addicted to smoking and alcohol, recent studies by an organization out of 100 people 60 percent drink significantly more than is healthy. Also in most of the countries even the percentage of the female population abusing alcohol is increasing. Due to this many of the doctors suggest people take regular exercises and also play sports in their leisure time. In the last ten years heart diseases has increased enormously from 35% to 70%. In recent years most of the children are born with diseases, a result of their parents poor health and lifestyle. So in these times it is necessary to follow some rules so that our health as well as our younger generations will be healthy.

    Keeping healthy is nothing but keeping our body clean with healthy habits like taking regular exercise. First of all a regular jog of 2 km is enough for an individual of an average age. During the school days till college everyone is involved in one or other sport, but when people find a job they forget about health and they soon become busy in their work. One should consult their doctor every 3-4 months for a regular checkup’s. They should not be stressed – if they find stress they should take yoga classes every day, so that their blood pressure will be normal. Otherwise that would lead them to hyper blood pressure or hypo, which may lead to heart disease. Most of the corporate companies in USA as well as rest of the world are employing dietitians, physiotherapists, and also good doctors to take care of their employees.

    The next thing I want to discuss is the diet because the intake food which we are taking is responsible for all the fats, carbohydrates,proteins and necessary enzymes which will be useful for the energy conversion or utilization in the human body. We should follow the diet very strictly by avoiding the junk food available in the market. A recent survey states that most of the people fall ill by consumption of junk food. A food with little fat is advisable because by taking more fat content the fat will be accumulated in the veins and arteries in the human body which result in high blood pressure which may lead to heart disease. In order to reduce the fats in the human body we should take less oil or cheese or butter in our food there by controlling the fats in the human body. Regular exercise will be helpful to control the fat in the human body.

    By playing sports it will be a good exercise in the human body. Swimming is also a good sport. We should maintain our body weight according to our height. There we can reduce our health problems to most of the extent. I conclude my discussion to the above topic by saying that a regular exercise or yoga and a strict diet and playing sports and regular check ups we can keep our body healthy after all there is an old saying “Health is Wealth”.

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    Source by James Redwood

    Views: 0

  • Mercury Retrograde As Healing

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    Oh no! Mercury retrograde! Well… not so fast.

    It happens every time Mercury goes retrograde (the effect that makes the planet appear to travel backwards in the sky). Things go wrong-well, thanks a lot mercury retrograde. It’s an ingrained response. And it reveals a not-so-hidden problem (if a generally ignored one).

    Mercury, of course, doesn’t really go backwards – it simply appears to do so from our perspective on Earth. And that’s the heart of the matter – perception. We see an elliptical orbit from our own elliptical spinning. It distorts reality.

    You know this, of course, and that “mercury retrograde” refers to the astrological energetic correspondence. But consider – what is simply an ongoing cycle is perceived as ups and downs. It’s neither. It just is, a fundamental reality.

    And that’s the problem with “my current troubles are because mercury is retrograde.” No, they’re not. Rather, mercury retrograde is shining a light on fundamental problems. Literally – the foundation is lacking, creating the perception that problems have abruptly come about that were actually a long time coming.

    There’s disruption – True. But the fault isn’t negative energy.

    I had a strained conversation with my dad. My partner said something dismissive. My muscles are sore and stiff. And I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Mercury retrograde, right? (And let’s not forget the annoying slow Internet speed). I even blew up a wheelbarrow tire yesterday, just pumping air back into it after it went flat.

    The problems here, though, are fundamental. My dad and I have had awkward conversations for years. My partner and I have busy schedules and don’t always communicate well. Instead of rotating cardio, weights, and swimming at the gym, I did all three one day, then stacked firewood the next. My schedule is too packed, and I already knew that three months ago (will be better shortly). The Internet is often slow here (trying to get a new provider to come in). And the tire was ancient.

    Foundations build potentials – constant yang eventually fails.

    Yin energy is about potential. Before I undertake strenuous physical tasks, I have to build up over time. Before I can have open conversation when topics are difficult, I have to build trust and connection over time. Before I can enjoy fast services, I need the supporting infrastructure in place. Tires don’t last forever, and need to be inspected and maintained. And schedules packed tight don’t work.

    We’re mainly all about the yang energy. But just like mercury, it travels in circular motion (and not in a straight line and then back, however it might appear). We push and strive and force and stubbornly persist, working against nature herself, thinking we have to do so, but fooling only ourselves.

    Research shows multi-tasking is a myth (we can do both tasks separately faster than both together). “Overwhelmed” is an over-reaction we invented for dramatic effect (“whelmed” means exactly the same thing). And no matter how far you need to drive, you’ll have to stop and get fuel. Vehicle maintenance is a good idea too. If not – you’ll be sitting at the side of the road.

    Healing can’t be all yang (if you want to remain healthy)

    No one ever says: “Hey, I’d like to work on the fundamental pieces creating the health, emotional, and spiritual challenges I’m facing. Ever. Instead, it’s mostly “can you just do a session and fix this?” Frankly, sometimes yes, that can happen, but that’s not ultimately the best approach.

    Trees grow extensive root systems before branching into leafy canopies – or they’d fall at the first strong wind. Busy successful and happy people don’t “find” time to meditate-they know that an hour of focus in the morning is the reason for their continued happiness and success. Schedules can be more organic and realistic by making choices and delegating (“but I have to do these things because no one else can” is a lie we all tell ourselves). And 1 in 25 people never get sick, their entire lives – because they understand (and continually practice) balance.

    That’s why to pursue more than straight healing sessions

    Self-healing, integrating levels of being, getting unstuck, building effective meditation practice, understanding and overcoming long-term pain, overcoming emotional challenges, the 12 keys to healing-these essential building blocks help you learn to live in wholeness and ongoing health – including thriving in spiritual balance.

    Some people do monthly combination programs, so they can benefit from both healing sessions and program material to heal and to maintain their health, their mental and emotional peace and balance, and to best show up in the world to thrive as the beautiful people they always were and were meant to be.

    Because Mercury doesn’t travel back and forth on a straight line. And neither does healing. For ongoing health and progress, you must master circular effort.

    So thank Mercury for the reminder. Then turn your attention to fundamentals.

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    Source by Tim Emerson

    Views: 0

  • The Different Types Of Heart Doctors

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    There is more than one type of doctor in the world, and when people are sick, they generally have to begin by going to their family care doctor. From their general practitioner, people are then referred to various kinds of other doctors depending on what is wrong with them. For people who have problems with their heart, or may be predisposed through their family history to develop heart issues, then cardiologists are the doctors that they have to go see. However, there is more than one type of heart doctor depending on what the exact problem with the heart is.

    For a part of the body that is as important as the heart, there are many different kinds of heart doctors that can deal with problems concerning the muscle itself, the rhythm of the heart, and the circulatory system that it is involved with. However, for people who are unfamiliar with the different kinds of heart doctors, here is information on who they are and what they do:

    • General cardiologist: The first stop for someone who may have a heart issue is a general cardiologist. This is a basic heart doctor that will do things like monitor the overall health of the heart, and treat some problems, but for particular problems, this heart doctor will refer their patient to the next level of cardiologist, which is an interventional cardiologist.

    • Interventional cardiologist: While a cardiologist can do some basic surgical procedures involving the heart, an interventional cardiologist treats more specific heart problems, and those problems are coronary artery disease, diseases of the heart valves, and peripheral vascular disease. The most common procedure that these cardiologists do is the angioplasty, which is when a balloon is inserted into an artery in order to help the blood flow to the heart.

    • Electro physiologist: This type of heart doctor has a very specific area of the heart, and that is the way that the heart beats. In order to circulate blood through the body properly, the heart has to beat in a special way. There are tests that the electro physiologist has to run to determine what is going on, and if a procedure needs to be done, this doctor can do it.

    • Pediatric cardiologist: Pediatric doctors help children who may have been born with some kind of heart abnormality. To make sure the heart is functioning properly in a child, a pediatric doctor will do some in-office testing, and make sure everything is working fine as that child grows into an adult.

    A regular cardiologist can do the general health check of the heart, but if someone needs a heart procedure, there are other cardiologists that specialize in operating on the heart to do things like clear out the arteries and repair the valves. There are also many different kinds of heart doctors that can do things like monitoring the heart to make sure it’s healthy, and also treating various conditions.

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    Source by Robin Khan

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  • Vagus Nerve Stimulation Therapy Can Eliminate Drug Cravings, Finds Study

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    Addiction to any substance can make the life of an individual topsy-turvy. From spending a fortune to deceiving own family, a person addicted to illegal substances can go to any extent. But how does addiction force someone to put so much at stake and then lose all? There are several factors at play when it comes to dealing with the growing problem of addiction.

    Cravings are a serious issue that torment numerous people fighting drug addiction, especially when they try to come off the addictive substance. Ironically, many people would have successfully attained long-term sobriety if cravings did not crop up with addiction. Apart from being considered as the major obstacles in recovery treatment, cravings are also the root cause of relapse.

    A complete recovery from addiction happens only when a person is free from cravings. Living a drug-free life without the need for constant monitoring against drug cravings can be difficult for a recovering individual, but a recent study published in the journal Learning and Memory has suggested that drug cravings can be effectively treated with vagus nerve stimulation (VNS) therapy. Under the therapy, the patients are taught new behaviors that replace their old addictive behavior of seeking drugs.

    Role of VNS in addiction recovery

    In the University of Texas at Dallas study, the researchers revealed that the VNS therapy helped patients to recover from the maladaptive behavior of drug taking. VNS is basically a surgical process wherein a device is implanted to a wire threaded along the vagus nerve, which travels up from the neck to the brain and connects with the area responsible for regulating mood. Sized as small as a silver dollar, the device works just like a pacemaker. It primarily works by sending a slight electric pulses through the vagus nerve, which further reaches to the brain, thereby controlling the cravings and urges.

    The methodology is approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and is considered as a potential treatment for treatment-resistant depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and paralysis. The study further highlighted that VNS facilitates “extinction learning” of drug-seeking behaviors by reducing cravings and replacing the behavior associated with addiction with new ones. “Extinction of fearful memories and extinction of drug-seeking memories relies on the same substrate in the brain. In our experiments, VNS facilitates both the extinction learning and reduces the relapse response as well,” said Dr. Sven Kroener of the University of Texas at Dallas.

    Drug-free life is possible

    Though addictive substances succeed in temporarily alleviating emotional and physical pains of drug abusers, they have to eventually cope with the painful symptoms of substance abuse. Besides developing a number of physical and mental problems, many of these individuals also become self-destructive and suicidal in nature.

    Addiction to any substance can be life-threatening. Only a comprehensive treatment program involving detoxification, medications, psychotherapies and other experiential therapies like yoga, meditation etc. can help an individual get sober. Moreover, a holistic recovery management plan is equally important to sustain the period of sobriety and manage cravings. However, the extent to which health care practitioners can garner results in the treatment for drug addiction is dependent on the clinical characteristics of the patients that may vary according to the type of drug being abused as well as its quantity, duration and the method of using the drug (oral or intravenous).

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    Source by Barbara Odozi

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  • Improve Dental Health by Eating the Right Foods

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    How are Tooth Cavities Caused?

    Eating right can help prevent the two most common dental problems that people typically struggle with: Cavities and gum disease. Tooth decay (that eventually leads to cavities) is caused by accumulation of bacteria in the mouth. This bacteria comes from the food you eat and acts on the sugars contained in food (this is why sugary foods are not good for teeth).

    The acid produced slowly eats away at your tooth enamel and then the internal part of the tooth called the dentine. Finally, over a time, the tooth gets ‘eaten away’ by acid and chips off, leaving behind a hole or cavity. Cavities are often hotbeds for bacterial infection and can lead to severe tooth ache.

    Moreover, bacteria from the mouth may enter your body through the saliva or the bloodstream leading to other health problems.

    What is the Relationship between Food and Dental Health?

    A balanced diet gives the body the right amount of nutrients. Nutrients help the body revitalize its immune system and this in turn boosts resistance to dental diseases.

    Calcium helps build teeth and the jaw. A person who eats a diet poor in calcium is more likely to develop dental problems. To help the body absorb the calcium, the diet should contain adequate amounts of vitamin D. Lack of vitamin D in the diet can lead to dry mouth, burning sensations and a bitter taste in the mouth.

    Iron is also necessary for nourishment of blood vessels in the mouth. Deficiency in iron may lead to ulcerated sores and inflammation of the tongue. Vitamin C also helps in absorption of iron.

    Adequate amounts of Vitamin B2, B12 (riboflavin)and B3 (niacin) can prevent bad breath and ulcers. So your diet should ideally contain all these nutrients. eating the right foods can stave off dental problems and reverse tooth decay.

    Which Foods are Good for Dental Health?

    The following foods are good for improving dental health:

    • Milk, yoghurt, cheese, oysters, beans – These contain calcium and phosphates that help re-mineralize teeth and also strengthen gums
    • Nuts, bran, red meat, liver – These foods contain high levels of iron
    • Pasta, spinach, chicken, fish, almonds – These are concentrated sources of vitamin B2, B12 and B3
    • Pears, sweet potatoes, red peppers, Kiwi fruit and oranges are great sources of vitamin C
    • Celery stimulates the salivary glands leading to production of saliva. Saliva dilutes concentration of bacteria. Celery also acts as a natural floss and cleans between teeth
    • Raisins are excellent sources of oleanolic acid that discourages the growth of oral bacteria
    • Onions have a strong antibacterial action due to the sulphurous compounds they produce. They are best when eaten fresh and raw.

    Which Foods are bad for Dental Health?

    It’s advisable to curb intake of the following foods:

    Carbonated Soft Drinks: Soft drinks, canned iced teas and diet colas all contain flavor enhancers. Although diet sodas contain much less sugar than their conventional counterparts, they contain tooth-enamel eroding acids, namely phosphoric acid and citric acid.

    Alcohol: Feeling dry-mouthed after last night’s party? That’s the alcohol working to dry up salivary secretions. Ensure that your mouth is protected from excessive dryness by using rehydrating rinses or simply by drinking a lot of water.

    Candy bars, lollipops and toffee bars: Any sweet that involves prolonged sucking and chewing is bad for teeth. This is not just related to the sugar content (although that’s bad too). The longer the sugar stays in the mouth, the worse it is for your teeth – the bacteria get to metabolize the sugars for a longer time.

    Summary

    To put it in a nutshell, take care to avoid acidic and sweet foods. If you want to drink orange or grape juice, suck it through a straw and swallow it straight down the throat. Swishing it around the mouth is more likely to give your teeth an unwanted acid bath.

    As a precaution, rinse your mouth with clean water after drinking or eating sugary or acidic foods. This helps get rid of the acid deposit on the teeth and prevents tooth decay.

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    Source by Nirupama N Raghavan

    Views: 0

  • Sports Figures, Drugs, and America’s Drug Problem

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    There have been a lot of sports figures in the news recently as a result of drugs. Most recently, Alex Rodriguez has been accused of steroid use. This was a major story as he appeared to be one of only a handful of “clean” baseball heroes of recent times. Just prior to the Rodriguez scandal was the Phelps scandal. If you are one of the three people in the country that haven’t heard, he had been photographed smoking marijuana from a bong. And drugs and sports grabbing headlines doesn’t stop there, as recent articles on Fox Sports have discussed steroid use among the 70’s Steelers, and the recent arrest of Corie Blount, a former NBA player, who was allegedly caught with 29 pounds of marijuana. There was also the arrest of Jacksonville Jaguar former first round pick Matt Jones for cocaine possession early in last year’s football season.

    An interesting article I read on the Phelps scandal was by sometimes controversial sports writer Jason Whitlock. In the article he challenges what some saw as a racial double standard, and even briefly discusses some of the issues with this country’s war on drugs. His article is related to some of the material I use in the course I teach on “The Psychology of Drugs and Drug Abuse.” I show highlights of a documentary called “American Drug War: The Last White Hope.” This film does a good job (although biased at times) of showing the dark side of this war on drugs.

    As an example of America’s misperception of the drug problem, were you aware that tobacco kills more people than all other drugs combined, including alcohol? According to Hart, Ksir, and Ray, smoking is responsible for about 440,000 premature deaths per year. In comparison, alcohol is responsible for at least 20,000 accidental deaths per year, and up to 75,000 in this country when you combine accidental deaths (car accidents, boating accidents, falls, etc.) and deaths from the ill affects on the body (cirrhosis, heart disease, etc.). And these numbers far surpass the deaths from illegal drugs (10-20,000 per year). In fact, illegal drugs kill less Americans then the misuse of prescription drugs. (I had difficulty getting accurate data on prescription drug deaths as a result of misuse, but most articles and sources make it clear that prescription drug misuse causes more deaths per year than illegal drugs).

    According to the documentary I mentioned earlier, some of the contributors to the war on drugs are the companies from the tobacco and alcohol industries. Additionally, this documentary uses interviews with former government officials to substantiate the claim that the war on drugs has been a colossal failure. Street drugs today are more plentiful, more pure, and cheaper. So what has the war on drugs accomplished? According to statistics, it has resulted in approximately 50% of the incarcerated population being jailed for non-violent drug crimes.

    The point is that there are some real misconceptions about the substance abuse problem in this country. Perhaps we are paying attention to the wrong things. Rather than paying attention to cuts in funding for substance abuse rehabilitation, or to the incarceration of non-violent drug offenders, we seem much more concerned with our appointed heroes gaining an advantage in a sport they get paid huge amounts of money to play. Or in someone we have chosen to put on a pedestal, (a 23y/o at that) for letting us down by using marijuana at a college party. We are worried about street drugs, including marijuana, when prescription drug abuse is causing far more damage. And we wouldn’t think of making tobacco or alcohol illegal, despite the fact it causes far more health and welfare problems than illegal substances.

    Don’t we contribute to the sports worship issue? Don’t we make sports figures heroes and role-models, perhaps even more so than more worthy role-models? Don’t we make sports the business it is today, by buying the jerseys, paying the ticket prices, watching the games on television, and making sports the market that it is? Aren’t we quick to dethrone someone who makes a mistake, as if perfection is the only standard we’ll accept?

    I am not pro-drugs. I am not sure if I am pro legalization; I would have to give the issue more thought, and I’m not even sure I’m qualified to voice an opinion. But I am certain we are looking in the wrong directions when we look at drugs in this country. I am hoping it is time for a change: a change which finds all individuals seeking self actualization without the need for a substance; a time where compassion rules, rather than self-righteous indignation. I don’t believe many of us are going to get self actualized or become enlightened watching sports on television. But it is a nice distraction sometimes. How about that Superbowl?

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    Source by William Berry

    Views: 0

  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • The Renegade Network Marketer Review – Is It Worth?

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    From what I’ve I noticed so far, all the big names in network marketing and internet marketing, after years of experience, of failed attempts, frustrations and lessons learned have found the formula for online success. Years of work have been rewarded with many, many millions of dollars, but also with recognition as an experts in the field.

    Thus, people like Jonathan Budd, Ann Sieg and Mike Dillard have created their own systems that put their business on autopilot. Among these, I found one that caught my attention and I tried it myself..It is Ann Sieg’s system, The Renegade Network Marketer.

    First of all, what is the Renegade Network Marketer?

    Well, this system is a big win for the MLM industry, as a result of several years of efforts, failures and tries. Ann Sieg has managed to create something that totally changes your perspective on network marketing.

    The Renegade Network Marketer e-book you undermine all your beliefs about how we should think and recruit new people in a MLM business. Ann Sieg explains in her book all the mistakes that 97% of the network marketers do and introduces a new concept: Atraction Marketing.

    What does this mean? Instead of running after people and trying to convince them to join “your unique business opportunity”, you better attract people to you. Now,you don’t jump on every prospect you find,you go to a well-defined categories of people who are already interested in what you have to offer. Actually you give them what they want!

    Very important, this e-book explains you how to use the huge power of the Internet to build your business and especially how to build yourself an image of an expert in the field. So, it is more important to promote yourself, to appear as someone who offers solutions and then to sell.

    Once you bought the eBook you get life acces to The Renegade System.

    This system is very effective and very useful, especially for beginners in online marketing, because it contains many marketing strategies very well explained: articles, banners, blogging, social networking, email etc.. With these strategies you learn how to to generate traffic to your blog or website and then turn it into sales and money.

    And the most interesting part of this system is that it offers you the opportunity to promote further the ebook, but also to join as an affiliate in other auxiliary programs useful for online marketing. So you can have multiple sources of income at the same time.

    The system also includes some very important bonus: the book “7 great lies in Network Marketing” and a free report Virology. 7 major lies in Network Marketing tells all the truth about MLM, things that don’t work and that you bring you only failure and frustration but also the solutions to these problems.

    I personally think that the investment I made, buying this system, it’s well worth because of all these valuable resources that teach you how to build your network marketing business from zero and how to develop yourself as an expert in online marketing.

    But I must say that all these materials, the system and all the trainings in the world will not help you if you don’t act!

    The experience of an internet marketer could be summarized in this scheme:

    EDUCATION- MASSIVE ACTION- PERSEVERANCE = RESULTS

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    Source by Dascalul Radu

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

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