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How long should children play video games?

A new study indicates that playing video games for a limited amount of time each week may provide benefits to children, but too much can be detrimental. The findings are published in the Annals of Neurology.

There’s much debate over the potential benefits and risks of video gaming in children and teens. To provide some clarity, Jesus Pujol, MD, of the Hospital del Mar in Spain, and his colleaguesinvestigated the relationship between weekly video game use and certain cognitive abilities and conduct-related problems.

In their study of 2442 children aged 7 to 11 years, the researchers found that playing video games for one hour per week was associated with better motor skills and higher school achievement scores, but no further benefits were observed in children playing more than two hours each week.

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February 27, 2020
NTSB: Driver in fatal Tesla crash was playing video game

The National Transportation Safety Board says the driver of a Tesla SUV who died in a Silicon Valley crash two years ago was playing a video game on his smartphone while his vehicle was being controlled by a partially automated driving system.

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February 26, 2020
Effective Restaurant Training Techniques: Jump-Start Your Training Program Today
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I have seen different types of training techniques for restaurant staff. Some restaurants send new hires to their corporate training school; others hire experienced staff thinking they already know how to work that position. I think all new staff members should receive quality training regardless of previous experience.

Each role in a restaurant is important for the restaurant’s success!

Management must be able to work in every position. Their knowledge of each job is vital. Managers must step into those other roles to maintain customer service. Some reasons could be if there is a call-out, or if the sales are higher than projected.

If people tell you that managing a restaurant is easy, they are dead wrong. In-fact it is the most difficult position in the restaurant. Running a restaurant is challenging; management needs to be able to multitask, give direction, and follow-up on that direction. Managers must be able to retain large amounts of information and make quick decisions and be ready to step into any position.

Managers are not born to run a restaurant; they are developed into that position. The same goes for the rest of the staff. Train the management staff, then the trainers. Management will oversee the trainers as they train the rest of the staff.

The most effective restaurant training techniques are:
- Show-Do-Review: The trainer shows the staff member how to do the task. Then the trainer observes the trainee actually doing the task. After completion, they review the task together and the trainer gives feedback to the new hire. The Show-Do-Review technique is especially effective in learning recipes, kitchen duties, cleaning tasks, or service tasks.
- The Memory Game: Once the new hire has some understanding of their new job, the trainer shadows the staff member and helps the new hire remember different key components of the job. Periodically the trainer will ask the trainee a question. If the trainee does not answer the question correctly, then the trainer will provide the answer. The trainer will continually repeat the question all throughout the day or night until the trainee answers it correctly. The purpose of the exercise is getting the staff member to retain the information. The Memory Game can be used to remember important food time and temperature, menu and recipe knowledge, service steps, or even manager responsibilities.
- Role-Playing: Role-playing is one of the most effective training techniques to use in creating top-notch performers. Existing staff members and new hires experience real life situations and “learn by doing”. The trainees will experience “real life” situations in a simulated and controlled environment. This technique allows the trainer to evaluate the trainee’s strengths and areas to improve. This also helps to develop an action plan so that the trainee can overcome any obstacles to their success. “Practice make perfect.” This technique allows the employees to see different perspectives, build confidence, and form good habits. The trainer will observe the role-playing and my correct the staff members periodically to ensure they on the right path. Role-playing is a great technique for service staff and managers to learn the proper way to handle customer questions or complaints, how to approach a table, and the steps of service.
- Shadowing: The trainee shadows the trainer, and the trainer shows the trainee the correct procedures in completing the assigned task. The trainer should ask open-ended questions in reference to the task. Once the trainee is more comfortable, then the trainer will shadow the employee. Communication between the staff members is crucial in developing the trainees. Shadowing could be used for nearly any role, especially on the first days and last days of training.
Once the trainer evaluates the staff member and determines that the employee has mastered that position, then that person is ready to work independently.

Management should observe or be involved in the training process to ensure that employee is receiving quality training. The general manager/owner oversees the managers. The general manager/owner may have the final say in whether a new employee is ready to work solo.

Utilize any tool available to help achieve the training goals. During the training process using feedback or assessment forms can help track the quality of the training. Documenting the progress of the training and reviewing it with the employee will help the employee to know your expectations. It also gives you a paper trail of that particular employees training.

Using a variety of training techniques for your restaurant is useful in getting all your staff on the same page. It also is more interesting than sitting down with someone and reading a scripted presentation. It will help you retain staff, because too many people are thrown into their jobs without the proper training and get frustrated and quit. Having a training program that is easy and effective is important in your restaurant’s success.

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Source by Jeffrey Schim

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February 10, 2020
A Modern-Day David and Goliath – Techno Teen Takes on Computer Giant – and Wins!

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“Those who say it can’t be done need to get out of the way of those that are doing it.” Unknown

The entrepreneur of today’s world can be compared to the legendary Don Quixote – chasing windmills in search of great fortune.

The entrepreneurial journey I would like to share with you in this article might be a bit of a surprise. I find it remarkable yet I have barely seen it mentioned in the press over the years.

Imagine the following scenario. The year is 1983. You are a college freshman at The University of Texas in Austin, sitting in your dorm room playing around on your computer.

1983. Pre-Internet. Pre-computers-on-every-desk, in-every-room-of-the-house. These were the days of PONG, where very few people sat around playing with personal computers. (If you don’t know what PONG is, ask someone a lot older than you.)

Back to your dorm room. You are supposed to be in class. Instead, you are sitting there playing around on your computer and you have a bright idea – the proverbial “light bulb” goes off in your head.

“I think I’ll start a computer company and compete with IBM!” Since no one is around to hear you and tell you how ridiculous you sound, you continue.

You have no employees. No manufacturing facility. No family in the computer business. You’ve never even worked for a computer company. Sure, you’ve been pulling computers apart and putting them back together since your were 15 but come on! Compete with IBM? Everyone around you thinks you have lost your mind.

Yet, you believe you have a better way.

You develop a passion for the idea of making better computers and selling them for less by going directly to the consumer.

The story goes that mom and dad heard that sonny-boy was skipping a lot of classes so that he could play with his computers. Mom and Dad decided to pay a visit one day and caught him red-handed. After reading Michael the riot act, Michael’s dad asked him what he wanted to do with his life. He told his dad that he wanted to compete with IBM.

Imagine that conversation!

And so it was that the 19 year old boy genius, techno-teen Michael Dell, armed with only $1000, abandoned his plans of becoming a doctor and dropped out of college after his freshman year to take on the big boys – IBM, Compaq, Hewlett-Packard, and others.

He believed he could outsource everything – the manufacturing, distribution, sales and service. Remember now, this was pre-Internet. Pre-global-out-sourcing. He believed he could bypass the traditional expensive distribution channels and go straight to the consumers, giving them exactly what they wanted – better quality, lower cost computers made specifically for them.

He knew what his consumer wanted because he was his own consumer – frustrated by poor customer service, crappy quality, non-existent customization and high prices.

The rest is history. Modern American business history, that is.

By the time Dell was 22 years old, his company had achieved annual sales of about $150 million. Starting with only $1000 and growing the company to a $1 billion (with a B!) public company in less than 10 years is a record few companies can match.

Today Dell, Inc. is a $57 billion company with the leading market share in the United States with over 46,000 employees, including more than 16,000 in Central Texas. Dell is listed as the 8th wealthiest person in the United States according to Forbes magazine (August 2007). Dell first made the Forbes 400 Wealthiest People in the United States at the ripe old age of 26. He is said to have been worth over $20 billion by the age of 40.

Dell has been named “Entrepreneur of the Year” from Inc. magazine; “Man of the Year” from PC Magazine; “Top CEO in American Business” from Worth Magazine; “CEO of the Year” from Financial World and Industry Week magazines.

Not bad for a college dropout.

Michael Dell. At age 19, he realized he could build a better mousetrap and sell it for less.

Simple formula. Brilliant execution.

The first time I heard this story, I frankly didn’t believe it. A college freshman takes on IBM, and wins?! No way, said my logical left brain. There has to be more to this story!

No, this one goes in the “truth is stranger than fiction” category.

Michael Dell was just a bright boy with a bright idea. Fueled by passion. Too young, too foolish, and certainly too focused to listen to the naysayers who said it couldn’t be done.

According to Dell, “No one told me that we couldn’t do it, and if they did, I wasn’t listening.”

It’s a good thing he wasn’t listening. In addition to revolutionizing the personal computer industry, Dell has donated more than $1 billion in stock to the Michael and Susan Dell Foundation, which is now one of the country’s largest foundations. The foundation focuses on children’s health and education initiatives.

Even though today’s story is about a mega-millionaire with a gazillion dollar company, never forget that once upon a time, Michael Dell was a lot like you and me. Just a kid with a dream that wouldn’t die.

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Source by Gina Carr

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February 9, 2020
Overcoming Mindset Challenges

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We all have those days, we drop our heads and get down on ourselves; you might even let out a few expletive words for good measure. Our pickleball play is just not up to our, or the USAPA player rating standard. It’s frustrating. I’ll let you in on a secret I learned long ago from a coach who pushed us to achieve; your state of mind or your mindset, plays an enormous role in your successes and failure.

Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, identifies 2 types of mind-sets; fixed and growth. The fixed mindset has shaped you from birth, it is what you are and has defined your belief in your potential. An innate conviction fashioned from external influences and internally interpreted. A fixed mindset, sees obstacles when faced with change and challenges and therefore will interpret failure as self-defeating in the lack of abilities. It’s like looking on the other side of the court and thinking that the grass is greener – your opponents seem to have all the right moves and it’s your lack of something that is keeping you from winning.

On the other hand, the growth mindset is one that is embryonic. Here is where belief in ourselves can help us adapt and grow in the ways we want by developing our talents through hard-work and dedication. Learning to love our development playing pickleball and also developing a resilience to loss is the key.

Hear Those “Voices”

Learning to overcome a fixed mindset challenge begins with learning to control your emotions and then you can achieve optimal performance during competition. First, you need to pay attention to those negative voices; you know the one’s – from family members that expressed failure or the one’s from coaches that uttered a lack of talent. There may have even been laughter from classmates or club memberships. A mentor who would snap when you hit a setback. You may have developed a reactive “habit” – automatic response to an emotional stimuli. Pushing those old suppressed buttons will give you a release and an understanding but despite their best intentions, this can also trigger an emotional upheaval, easily sweeping you away. Fortunately there is one way to stop the spiral of uncontrollable emotional reactions – refocusing. Consciously stepping back to draw your focus into your senses and the physical effects they may manifest; elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, nausea, tight or tense muscles, anxiety, and shallow breathing.

Acknowledge and Accept

Staying in the present moment, acknowledging that these physical effects are poignant, so you can process the information as if you are a doctor observing a patient. Comprehend your emotional arousal as an imaginary threat, and your intensified state of mental stress or physical excitement is a normal response that can be reduced by controlling your emotions. Slow down. Accept that you can help your brain learn to process new “habits” to effectively stay grounded; stretch and breathe, visualize or focus on energizing cues that epitomize how you want to perform or transfer negative energy to positive energy.

Choice

You have a choice; interpret negative challenges or setbacks from a lack of talent fixed mindset or from a positive aptitude growth mindset. When you doubt your talent, change your focus – with time and effort, believe you can learn a particular skill or achieve a goal. If you hit a setback or face criticism, keep learning and persevere.

When the grass on the “other side” draws my attention, I stop and reframe – finding the courage in myself to think of the “water”, or successes that keeps my grass green. I still find myself under stress, and I still hear the “voice” of my fixed mindset. I have learned to face the criticism; sometimes old responses rear their ugly head and I get angry – hitting the ball without thinking and making unforced errors. Other times I am able to put those voices in their place. I interpret my challenges, and setbacks then regain my emotional control. It’s all very personal.

Over time, learning to take on the pickleball challenge wholeheartedly, gaining wisdom from setbacks, and acting on the criticisms you face by embracing the growth mindset can make it work for you.

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Source by Patricia H Kuhnen-Beaver

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February 7, 2020
TOP TEN Pound 4 Pound Best Boxer Ever

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Before we start our list, I wanted to take some time to comment on 2 fighters that may have strong support in certain communities for being among the best ever, but truly do not have a place on the list.

NOT RANKED

Rocky Marciano – Won 49 Lost 0, 43 KO

Ask any Italian who the greatest boxer ever was, and you will never hear the names Ali, Louis or Sugar. Nope. You will only hear the name Rocky Marciano, the only heavyweight champion to retire undefeated. To his credit, Rocky Marciano did make a habit of beating up his opponents in the ring. Add the fact that his most notable victory was over his childhood idle, Joe Louis, whom he sent back into retirement. But Joe was well past his prime. He also beat Archie Moore, but he also was already in his early forties. So to the entire nation of Italy and her children I say to you, Rocky Marciano could not beat any of the champions in my Top T.E.N.

Lennox Lewis – 41 wins, 2 losses, 1 draw, 32 KO

Lewis will most likely go down as one of the most intelligent, calculated champions ever. But that is not what pound for pound is based on. Lennox was able to capitalize on Tyson’s jail term to reign as champion, then got out before the Klitchko brothers could undo the legacy he has manufactured for himself. He stayed an extra 4 years as an amateur to win a gold metal against younger opponents (Riddick Bowe for the medal bout). He then became champion only because Bowe gave up the title. He backed out of Tyson’s way (accepting a huge multi-million dollar payoff from Don King as payment for Tyson taking his ranking) as he was climbing back up to regain the championship that was handed to him. I believe that history will judge him for the fake that he truly is.

And now, to the top ten best pound for pound boxers:

10 – Mike Tyson – 50 wins, 5 losses, 2 no contests, 44 KO

No other fighter has been called “the baddest man on the planet”. Mike Tyson was perhaps the most feared person in boxing history. Up until Buster Douglas embarrassed Iron Mike, Mike Tyson made fighters give up. Going up through the amateur ranks, boxers actually lost on purpose so as to not fight Tyson in tournaments. How ironic that Tyson’s worst defeat was not to a boxer, but to a beauty pageant contestant named Desiree Washington. There is a great chance that had Tyson not suffered a 3-year setback, he would have easily moved up and be universally recognized as one of the best ever.

9 – (Big) George Foreman – Won 76 lost 5, 68 KO

Foreman’s biggest enemy opponent has always been himself. He could not accept defeat. After making his name as one of the most dominant fighter ever, his loss to Ali took him out of professional boxing for over a year. He made his first comeback attempt in 1977, knocking out his next 5 opponents (including Frazier, again), only to retire after losing a 12 round decision. A decade later, Foreman made an improbable comeback at the age of 38. Foreman made it again near the top of the boxing rankings, and despite suffering setbacks against Holyfield and Tommy Morrison, Foreman shocked the world when he stunned Michael Moore with a knock out in the 10th round. His next few bouts further proved that even unto his late 40th, Foreman was still a formidable force.

8 – (Sugar) Ray Leonard – 36 Wins, 3 Loss, 1 Draw, 25 KO

Leonard has to be on this list if only for the pure psychology he was able to inflict on his opponents. Only Ali could get into his opponents head more. Add to that all the titles his has own, in multiple weight divisions, and you have your number 8 all time. Like most great fighters, he just did not know when to quit, so you will have to ignore the last few fights of his career. Sugar Ray beat them all, from Duran (No Mas, No Mas), to Hagler, then Hearns, Sugar Ray’s stock only dropped because of his own issues. He first retired due to a detached retina, and it can be argued that a serious cocaine habit between 84 and 89 further damaged his career.

7 – (Marvelous) Marvin Hagler – 62 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draws, 52 KO

Yes, we have the Marvelous one ahead of Leonard, even though Leonard beat Hagler in their one encounter. Hagler was so distraught by that loss that he left before, and even refuses to talk about that fight today. Hagler’s only 2 losses were early on in his career, and he responded to them by beating both fighters. He would have continued to dominate the middleweight division had he not suffered the mentally debilitating loss to Leonard. While Hopkins has been middleweight champion longer, with more title defenses, it can be argued that he never faced opponents the caliber of Duran and Hearns, both of whom Hagler defeated.

6 – Archie Moore – 181 wins, 24 losses, 9 draws and 1 no contest, 145 KO

Looking at the record, it is easy to see why the “Old Mongoose” or “Ancient Archie” has made it to the list. Archie’s career spanned over 4 decades, and it the only fighter to have faced by Rocky Marciano and Muhammed Ali. Archie was a better Light Heavyweight than he was a pure Heavyweight. He had his light heavyweight title stripped from him twice because he was too busy fighting at a higher weight class. No other fighter has knocked out as many professional opponents as Archie.

5 – Roy Jones Jr – 49 wins, 3 losses, 38 KO

This particular selection is highly debatable, and may end with Roy’s removal from the list completely. While there is no denying his talent, there is question as to if his showmanship and opponent section unfairly propelled him into his status. Winning a championship fight after playing paid basketball the same day was previously unheard of. As was becoming a champion at middleweight all the way up to heavyweight. Before his last two fights, Jones’ only defeat was a bogus call after he was disqualified against Montell Griffin, which he quickly avenged. Jones has at least warranted due considering, and an initial entry to the list.

4 – Joe (Brown Bomber) Louis – Won 68 Lost 3, 54 KO

While there seems to be some dispute over whether 5 of his victories by KO were exhibition matches or not, there is a consensus not take seriously 2 of his 3 losses in failed comeback attempts. The last, and most humiliating defeat was an 8th round KO through the ropes by Rocky Marciano. The Brown Bomber was so much in debt, that he tried to come back well past his prime. The fact that so much cultural identify was thrust upon his shoulders, made Joe Louis not only one of the greatest pure fighters, but a true icon for America’s 2nd class citizens. Joe will be best known for his 1st round KO over Germany’s Max Schmeling in 1938. Schmeling beat the favored Louis in 12 years only a few years earlier. Even when Joe won the Heavyweight title by knockout, he refused to be called champion until he settled the score with Schmeling. It is this attitude that made him a national hero despite his color.

3 – Julio Cesar Chavez – Won 104 Lost 5, 2 draws, 80 KO

Julio is a Mexican world champion boxer who won world titles in 3 different divisions. Among the world champions that Chávez defeated in his career are Edwin Rosario, Jose Luis Ramirez, Rocky Lockridge, Meldrick Taylor, Roger Mayweather, Sammy Fuentes, Héctor “Macho” Camacho, Juan Laporte, and Tony López. Chavez went 13 years before not winning a fight, with a draw to Pernell Whitaker, and it was another year later before he suffered his first defeat which was avenged 4 months later. Only in his last 8 years of his 24 year career did Chavez acount for 4 of his 5 losses to 3 different oppenents. He was able to avenge his lose to Willey Wise, but failed in second attempt to Oscar De La Hoya.

2 – Muhammed (Louisville Lip) Ali – won 56 Lost 5, 37 KO

In my book, Ali will also go down as one of the greatest human beings of all time. As purely a boxer, only a “what could have been” during his 3 year lay off after refusing to go to Vietnam prevents him from being the best ever. He came back after 3 years to lose his first of three asking Joe Frazier. Both were undefeated at the time. The same happened with Ken Norton. In both cases, Ali came back to whup them in the next 2 fights. Although the two became friends later on, Ali is also credited with knocking Foreman out in the ring, out of boxing, and onto the pulpit. Leon Spinks got Ali during his declining years, but Ali still come back to beat him in 1979. What happened to Ali in the next two fights against Holmes and Berbick is eerily similar to what is happening now with Roy Jones Jr. In neither case, should those 2 fights be included into what was an otherwise spectacular career.

1 – (Sugar) Ray Robinson 179 wins, 19 losses, 6 draws, 2 no contests, 109 KO

While many fighters have held that nickname over the years, none have been as sweet as Ray Robinson, whose real name was actually Walker Smith Jr. Robinson won the middleweight title an unprecedented 5 times. Even Muhammed Ali referred to Sugar Ray as the greatest fighter ever (it is rumoured that Robinson actually refused to give Ali an autograph when Ali met him while Ali was still young, and Clay). Unlike Moore, the majority of Robinson’s losses came at the end of his career.

Honorable Mention

Floyd Mayweather Jr – 32 Wins, 0 Losses, 21 Knockouts

Now regarded (arguably) as the best active pound for pound boxer

Roberto Duran – 103 Wins, 16 Loss, 69 Knockouts

He will forever by scarred by his 8th round quit job on Sugar Ray Leonard.

Evander (Real Deal) Holyfield – 38 Wins, 7 Losses, 2 Draw, 25 KO

Was undisputed cruiserweight and heavyweight champion of the world. He also was the man that destroyed the aura that was Mike Tyson. He will have his place in boxing history, but not as one of the greatest ever.

(Smokin’) Joe Frazier – 32 wins, 4 losses, 1 draw, 27 KO

Also one of the most feared fighters ever, but 2 losses to Ali and Foreman will keep him off this list.

Thomas Hearns – 59 wins 4 Loss 1 Draw, 46 KO

AKA “the Hit Man” and “the Motor City Cobra”, Hearns won seven world championships in six weight classes during his 22 year pro career. But losses to Leonard (his first ever) and Hagler will keep him off the list.

Bernard Hopkins – 45 wins, 2 losses, 1 draw, 1 NC, 32 KO

More so than Hagler, Hopkins had a slow start to his career. When he finally won the belt, he has defended against the best of the 90’s and 2000. He may end up considered in the 10 top yet.

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Source by

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February 3, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Recreating Lindsey Buckingham’s Signature Sounds – Big Love

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One of the less well known guitarists of the last entry is Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac. Newer guitarists may not be familiar with Buckingham, but his style and sound inspired several generations of guitarists. He’s probably most well known for hist signing, songwriting and production skills, but his guitar playing was instrumental in Fleetwood Mac’s success, so it’s worth taking a look at. I’m going to take a look at his sound and give you an idea of the kind of setup that’s required to reproduce some of his signature sounds.

The first thing that makes Buckingham so unique is the fact that he uses a fingerpicking style. Originally a Banjo player, Lindsey Buckingham made the transition to guitar, and his virtuoso performances are a signature sound of Fleetwood Mac. Buckingham plays bass lines with his thumb while he uses the other fingers to voice melodies and sweeping arpeggios. The resultant music is truly original and inspiring.

Looking at his setup, one thing that you’ll notice is that he has a truly unique axe. His Turner electric is not a guitar that has much fame, outside of Lindsey Buckingham. It’s shape, distinctly violin like, is one of the most unique features of the guitar. You will also find Buckingham playing an acoustic on various tracks. There’s nothing especially important to be said about his acoustic, other than the way he plays the instrument.

There’s one performance in specific that I’d like to analyze. During one particular Fleetwood Mac reunion, back in 1997, Buckingham performed the song “Big Love”, playing a Gibson Chet Atkins sold-body nylon string guitar. The reason that I’ve chosen this one is because of the unique sound that he got using that particular guitar. You can actually recreate this sound, even if you don’t have this particular axe. Using your acoustic electric guitar, I will show you how to simulate this sound using your guitar and a few simple effects.

In order to simulate this sound, you’re going to need delay and reverb. If you have an amp with these effects built in, that will do just fine. For the delay time, you’re going to want to set it around 125 milliseconds. You’ll need to be able to adjust the blend on the delay, adjusting it to be mostly the direct signal. This is important because when you’re soloing and playing intricate melodies, you don’t want the delayed notes muddying down the sound you’re trying to create. If you’re using a delay unit, such as those built in to some amplifiers, that only allows you to adjust the delay time by tapping a button, you may find it difficult to get the exact sound that I’m trying to teach. You can play around with the settings to see if you can get a sound that’s similar or just use this guide as a way to get ideas for new sounds.

Another adjustment that you may want to consider, if you have a nice delay, is to roll off some of the high end from the delayed signal. Again, this is to make sure that your original notes really sing through. As for your reverb, you’re going to want to reduce the size of the room to around 35 percent. If you’re not allowed to change the room size, don’t worry, just know this is going to be more of a creative exercise for you, rather than an all out recreation of the original sounds of Buckingham. Finally, you’re going to want to roll out a good bit of the midrange from your amplifier (or board if you’re going directly into one). This is going to keep things crisp and clear when you’re really laying on the notes.

While using built in effects are limiting, you can get a unique sound using this guide. For those with a nice effects board or pedals that allow them to adjust all of these settings, you’ll find a deep airy sound is the result of these settings. This is great to add some depth to a track where the main guitar part is played on an acoustic. If you haven’t heard the version of “Big Love” that I’m talking about, get on the net and look for videos or recordings from the ’97 Fleetwood Mac reunion show. It’s truly worth your time & is a great performance! Good luck & happy guitarring!

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Source by John T Halbert

Views: 0

February 2, 2020
How I Lost 40 Pounds in Six Weeks!

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It was the happiest day of my life! I was running down the concourse of the airport to catch my plane to a new life – in the Air Force. I felt free and alive for the first time in my life.

At first the Air Force didn’t want me, because I was overweight!

But I did it! I lost the weight! I went from 165 pounds to 125 pounds. I made it! I felt fantastic! A whole new wardrobe of sizes 10’s and 11’s were waiting for me.

I lost 40 pounds in six weeks eating–only protein and drinking lots of water.

I drank a lot of water and took multi-vitamin pills. I kept busy looking for a job, playing golf, swimming, and drawing. In the mornings I did 15 sit-ups and 50 running in place. There was one consolation about not eating, no food bills. McDonald’s was next door. Smelling those Big Mac’s drove me crazy.

I was feeling much better about myself and saw the difference. My clothes were getting baggy and lose. The high protein diet was made for me, because I loved meat, eggs, cheese, and fish.

Two scrambled eggs (no butter), with tea made a good breakfast. I mixed tuna and shrimp. Some chicken, cheese, a hard boiled egg was another meal. A piece of cheese melted between two thin broiled hamburger patties was a favorite of mine. I had some cottage cheese with it. A take home box of chicken would last for three meals. I took the skin off. Plus I drank 8-10 glasses of water a day.

Then I had to wait six months before going active duty. During that summer I had a great time; biking, hiking, swimming, golfing. I ate fresh fruits, vegetables, and watched what I ate. I was full of energy. I lost some more weight.

And during basic training, I lost even more weight. All that marching and running around, then eating military food! I was 115 pounds!

The key to the whole thing was I wanted it bad enough to make any diet work! I don’t recommend the protein diet to anyone. It was mine. You have to find your own, and I’m willing to help you.

I use to be shy, backward, naive, and very heavy, 165 pounds at 5 foot 4 inches tall.

My life changed forever. I have been studying nutrition and fitness since, and now as a Wellness Coach I help others do the same.

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Source by Kathy Thompson

Views: 0

January 31, 2020
Effortless Entrepreneur – Book Review

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By: Nick Friedman & Omar Soliman (2010)

ISBN 978-0-307-58799-2

Book Price: $17.00

Multimillion-dollar franchise

Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman are founders of, “College Hunks Hauling Junk.” This company has become a multimillion-dollar franchise and the nation’s premier junk removal service. Nick and Omar have been named among the Top 30 Under 30 Entrepreneurs in America by Inc., and have been profiled in the New York Times.

Entrepreneurial success

Nick and Omar supply readers with 13 chapters leading to entrepreneurial success. They discuss the following topics; the making of an entrepreneur (Ch. 3); creating your business foundation (Ch. 4); building staff and client loyalty (Ch. 7); optimizing your ability to make the sale (Ch. 10); working smarter and playing harder (Ch. 13), etc.

Passionate pursuit of business dreams

Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman relate their journey with passion and energy. This book conveys more than a love for building a business; it also exhibits practical steps along the journey. Nick and Omar relay, “As we expanded and built systems that allowed our company to function more effectively, we discovered that we could spend less and less time doing the everyday grunt work… and more time doing the things we really enjoyed… “

The crux of this book shows how anyone can convert a common serviced industry into a wealthy enterprise. The authors state, “… now we’re trash men. Of course, by trash men we mean we’re Gen Y entrepreneurs in our mid-twenties who understand that trash is cash and transformed a summer gig into a multimillion dollar business.”

Nick and Omar use challenging words to arrest readers from inactivity saying, “To succeed as an entrepreneur, be prepared to act on your ideas. Otherwise, you’re just another dreamer who wishes and longs and prays to have a business but never gets further than sneezing… people who turn ideas into reality make the difference… “

Vision motivates! Friedman and Soliman express this key to success through practical examples as they share, “… the more passionate you are about achieving goals, the greater your chance for growth. Our vision was clear when we started… we didn’t blink twice at spending $13,000 to buy our 1-800-Junk-USA phone number… “

Shift into entrepreneurial breakthrough

Nick Friedman and Omar Soliman energize readers to shift into Entrepreneurial breakthrough in business.

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Source by Dr. Steven J. Lynne

Views: 1

January 31, 2020