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  • Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions – Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

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    Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

    Even so-called “negative emotions,” such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

    For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

    Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously “channeling” the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called “negative” emotions as well as “positive” ones.

    For example, McLaren suggests that:

    • ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

    • SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

    • FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

    • JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

    • COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

    So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

    Let’s explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

    So, as you work with these emotions, it’s important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

    (Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

    The Positive Purpose of Sadness

    The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

    By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you’ll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don’t know how to flow with it, you’ll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you’ll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

    Here’s a practice adapted from Karla McLaren’s book, “The Language of Emotions,” that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

    1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

    3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: “What needs to be released or let go right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

    Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

    The Positive Purpose of Anger

    Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

    Here’s a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

    1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

    2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

    3. Ask your anger this question: “What needs to be protected or restored?”

    4. Then ask, “What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?”

    These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

    The Positive Purpose of Fear

    We’ve been told “Fear is what holds us back” and “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” If we can just overcome our fears, we’ll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

    Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

    Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

    This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

    To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

    1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm’s width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

    3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: “What action needs to be taken right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

    It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You’ll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

    You’ll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There’s a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

    So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

    • What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

    • Exactly what emotion is this?

    • What is the message in this feeling?

    • What is it asking me to do?

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    Source by Kevin Schoeninger

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  • Lobster – A Rags to Riches Story

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    When the first ships arrived at Plymouth, most shellfish was not considered fit for human consumption, due in no small part to its resemblance to an insect as it crawled along the ocean bottom. Most early passengers during the 1600s were from England and other U.K. countries and accustomed to eating beef, mutton and fowl. What they did consume from the ocean was usually fish, in the form of cod, haddock and sole. Abundant lobster was fed to servants and domestic animals (there must have been a lot of happy cats). Native Americans used it for fertilizer. Just picture thousands of these spiny creatures as they were washed up on the shores of the Cape, where anyone could fill a bucket for free. (Are you drooling yet?)

    Even though canneries began to pop up along the Eastern Seaboard two centuries later, lobster was not a desirable item on the dinner menu, but regarded as a cheap and nutritious protein for the poor and for prisoners, much like canned tuna was on the West Coast. You can be sure that foodie Thomas Jefferson never allowed the lowly lobster to darken the door of his kitchen. Keep in mind that Americans were still clinging to their native British diet, which was primarily meat-based. Shellfish were foreign to them and not widely eaten in any form.

    Slowly lobster became more accepted, especially with railroad travel during the 19th century, when passengers moving cross country were unfamiliar with the succulent white meat and could be fed for pennies in the dining cars. And as wealthy vacationers flocked to Cape Code each summer, lobster was discovered and embraced, creating a surge in popularity and in price.

    During the 1920s lobster prices really began to soar, only to plummet during the Great Depression when few could afford it. Due to no shortage, lobster was not rationed during WWII and thus became a delicacy among the more affluent. Shortly thereafter, fine restaurants featured it on their menus, and cookbooks praised its savory possibilities. By the 1950s, lobster had firmly positioned itself as a luxury food, just below caviar, and prices responded accordingly.There are many different species of lobster, from the prized Maine lobster, which commands the highest prices, to the smaller lobster of Mexico called langostino. Americans value the highly prized Maine lobster tail with drawn butter above all else.

    Currently, business is booming. Last year, New England fishermen unloaded more than 130 million pounds, which adds up to approximately 534 million dollars. (Think of the butter required.) And that’s just U.S. figures. Our Canadian neighbors to the north also enjoy a prosperous lobster business, with much of their bounty exported to Asia. Current prices for the Maine variety, which are considered more desirable than Canadian cousins, hover around 9 to 11 dollars per pound at wholesale. Langostino lobster, which is common in the Southwest and Mexico, is not really lobster at all but another species of crab. It is sold by some fast food restaurants, featured at food stands and eateries south of the border and costs considerably less than American lobster.

    So there you have it. A real rags to riches saga. Lobster thermidor, lobster mac and cheese, lobster rolls, lobster salad, New England clam bakes, bisque and just plain old outrageously delicious Maine lobster. Pity anyone allergic to shellfish, because lobster ranks right up there on the taste scale, and lobster fans pay dearly for their favorite food. Clearly, there is no end in sight.

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    Source by Dale Phillip

    Views: 0

  • Style and Glamour With Leather Luggage Tags

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    Today, luggage tags play an important role with long distance travelling. In the days gone by this duty was fulfilled with a simple luggage sticker. Although this little sticker carried vital information of the passenger’s travel details, it did not receive its due attention. The travel world has changed over the decades. Today luggage stickers have been replaced by luggage tags. This has got so much prominence, that the consumer market is flooded with different designs and styles of luggage tags. Amidst this wide range, travellers will also find the Leather Luggage Tags.

    There are some interesting facts about leather – it is nature’s most luxurious, yet practical type of material. It is mostly used to manufacture bags, but today luggage tags too have joined the bandwagon of leather items. Since there is a wide range of low-cost luggage tags freely available in the markets today, travellers prefer to change them each time they travel. However, there will be some passengers who will not prefer a change, and would like to continue to use the same tags. The best choice during a situation such as this is to have luggage tags made out of leather. It is the most durable, long-lasting and stylish type of material. It definitely gives elegance and class when seen tagged on your luggage. There is range that you can select from, and given below are just a few choices which will help you have an idea on the type of Leather Luggage Tags that are found at retail and online stores:

    1) Crocodile Luggage Tag: Croc-Embossed leather travel accessory which will look so elegant on your baggage, that you might be even called for an upgrade to luxury class! They are made of Italian calfskin with authentic croc embossing, stylish purple lining and skillful craftsmanship. The quality of the tag will definitely improve with age. It has a rich design, with a gold buckle and a privacy flap to protect your identity.

    2) Royce Luggage Tag: Made of top grain full harness cowhide leather. This is a neatly manufactured tag with the ultimate in luxury and privacy.

    3) Leather Luggage Tags – Italian Leather: Available in a choice of 10 different colours, and some which also includes a small design. Whether you prefer basic black or you would like a bit of recognizable colour – they have it. This tag will help you identify your luggage quickly and get you moving to your next destination.

    4) Goodhope Luggage Tag: Made of leather and round in shape. Available in a range of 6 bright colours. Includes strap and is easy to spot as it features a creamy saddle stitch.

    5) Lewis N Clarke Luggage Tag: A bonded leather neon green luggage tag with an open face for travel details. Perfect to help you identify your baggage even from a distance.

    Given above are just a few ideas of the wide range of Leather Luggage Tags that are found in the market. It might be far easier for you to shop online, it gives you an opportunity to browse these products at your leisure, and select the best of your choice.

    Make your next long distance trip in elegance and style with luxury travel accessories!

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    Source by Paul Sung

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  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

    Views: 0

  • 7 Step Sales Process of High Income Auto and RV Sales Professionals

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    High income car and RV salespeople follow a 7 step sales process.

    They follow the sales process on each and every contact. No exceptions.

    There is no deviation. No skipping steps. It just doesn’t happen.

    Automobile Sales an Art AND a Skill

    Rembrandt was considered one of the greatest painters in European history. Do you know who Pieter Lastman or Jacob van Swanenburgh were? Rembrandt apprenticed under each of them.

    What does that have to do with car and RV sales people? Nothing. And everything.

    Everything, that is, if you want to be a top income earner.

    To be a Rembrandt you need coaching. You need sales training. You need practice to develop your style, your talent, your selling techniques.

    The art is the finesse.

    For prospective buyers, it is bringing to reality what works for them without manipulation, without shady tactics or tricks.

    Professional selling technique is the ability to listen intently, ask relevant value adding questions, and package it all in a vehicle that meets the prospect’s needs and budget.

    7 Step Automobile and RV Sales Process – Work It!

    Walk into McDonald’s anywhere in the world and you will find the same friendly smiles, although the faces may be different. You will see a similar menu, although reading it may be difficult. You will find the same production process.

    The recipe, like a sales process, works.

    It works for McDonald’s. It works for Wendy’s. It works for Tim Hortons. It works for the Colonel along with a whole regiment of other franchises. And the 7 Step Sales Process of top automobile and RV sales income earners will work for you.

    Exceptions Yes Life Happens

    Will there be exceptions? You bet.

    Even in the most well oiled system, glitches surface from time-to-time. There is occasional franchisee – franchisor incompatibility. There are occasional let downs in traffic expectations compared to market analysis. There are occasional language challenges.

    Reality is, in all things, there will be occasional surprises.

    So what. Move on.

    Like the franchise system, the following 7 Step Automobile and RV Sales Process works.

    And, yes, there will be exceptions. There will be the cash buyer who insists on a large discount. There will be the prospect whom you just cannot settle on a vehicle. There will be… There will be… There will be…

    There will be exceptions, the occasional incompatibility for whatever reason. Move on. The sales model works consistently, with an occasional exception.

    7 Step Sales Model

    The 7 Step Sales Model of high income automobile salespeople and RV sales people is:

    1. Introduction

    2. Qualification

    3. Selection / Presentation

    4. Demonstration

    5. Negotiation

    6. Application

    7. Preparation / Delivery

    That’s it.

    To close more deals, follow these steps each and every opportunity. No exceptions.

    By the way, career automobile salespeople and RV sales professionals have an 8th step – Progression, moving the new Customer to a walking, talking referral machine.

    Wanna be car sales guys and gals just cannot seem to grasp this.

    Write me for more detail about Progression. It is where the big dollars are!

    Remember: Nothing happens until someone sells something.

    Sales Champions – People Like You – Make It Happen!

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    Source by Jeffrey Doucet

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Says That I Am Too High Maintenance

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    Any complaint that causes your husband to disconnect from your marriage, to distance himself from you, or to consider a separation hurts. There is no scenario where this isn’t painful. But I suspect that it can feel a little more painful when the reason for his distance seems personal.

    What I mean by that is that sometimes, a man will be unhappy because of reasons that have to do with him. He may be having a midlife crisis. He may believe that marriage doesn’t suit his ideology. He may be having a personal crisis. I am not saying that these scenarios are not horribly painful. They are. But at least the wife has no reason to blame herself.

    And then there are the scenarios where things do feel personal. These are the instances where your husband is blaming the issues in the marriage on the wife. It could be something that she has done or something about her, about her actions, or about her personality that is the supposed problem.

    Here’s an example. A husband might tell his wife that being with her is “exhausting.” She might explain: “for the past three months or so, I have been noticing my husband acting distant and weird. I confronted him about it right away, but he denied that there was a problem. Then we were at a family gathering this weekend and it was held outside in 90 degree heat. Like everyone else, I said it was hot and wanted to leave after dinner because I felt sick. My husband got angry at me and said he was tired of dealing with my ‘high maintenance personality.’ As we were leaving, he said that being married to me is ‘exhausting’ and that he may want a separation because he can not stand living his life this way anymore. He says that nothing makes me happy and that I can’t just sit back and roll with the punches of life like a normal person. He says that I am spoiled. He says that he feels like he always has to pick up the slack. I admit that I am not as thick skinned as some when it comes to sitting in the heat all day, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. And he knew that when he married me. I told him that I could try to change and he said that people like me never change and that we are just not compatible. He says that I make him ‘feel tired’ and he doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Where does that leave me? I don’t want to lose my husband. This really hurts my feelings and feels like a personal attack. But I could forgive it and move on if he would give me the chance. The problem is that he does not seem at all receptive to me right now.”

    I understand why you are hurt. These types of issues can feel, and sound, like a criticism. When someone tells you that you are ‘exhausting,’ that phrase makes it seem as if they no longer want to do the work to keep up with you. Of course it hurts.

    Understand The Context In Which The Comments Were Made: I think that your husband’s ‘fatigue’ might be due to the fact that the maintenance issue may have bothered him for a while, but he sat silent and said nothing – even when you asked him what was bothering him. So things built up until they exploded. His silence is not your fault. And things may have been easier now if he had addressed the problem much earlier – before he became so angry that he lashed out at you.

    Know That Context Doesn’t Mean That It Isn’t Time To Take Action: It’s normal to hope that this will blow over. And it may – for now. But any time a husband is uttering words that indicate he is tired of your marriage or thinks that there is a compatibility issue, you want to pay very close attention and you want to take action right away. I say this not to scare you, but from the concerned place of someone who was in a similar situation. I hoped for the problem to pass over, but I ultimately ending up separated. I think that I possibly could have avoided that fate by taking action at the first sign of trouble.

    Moving Forward Quickly: It’s unfortunate that your husband waited so long to share that this issue has been bothering him, but you can’t undo that at this point. What you can do, however, is be careful of what (and who) you are presenting to him moving forward. It doesn’t sound as if he has made definite plans to move out or to pursue a separation, which means that you may have some time to address this.

    Sit back and be really honest with yourself. Which of his concerns have some validity? What is he right about? Is this issue something that other friends and family members have expressed? If so, then there is nothing wrong with addressing it. Sometimes, it takes a painful situation to stimulate growth. If you take this and use it to move you forward so that you grow and improve in some way, then at least the pain will have been for something. At least you can use this as a stimulus to improve your marriage.

    If you are very honest and you find that his words do not have validity, then you may went to dig a little deeper. Sometimes, a husband will project another problem onto to what is obvious or handy. It may not have been the heat or your personality at all during that family gathering. But the situation might have given your husband an easy explanation. Sometimes, a husband can be frustrated and not quite sure why. That’s one more reason why it’s very important to be extremely observant right now – so that you are taking action on the items that are truly at issue.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Being Successful In Life Today With A Millionaire's Mindset Means Reprogramming The Subconscious

    Being Successful In Life Today With A Millionaire's Mindset Means Reprogramming The Subconscious

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    Are you on the right track to achieve success? Stop for a while, take a look at the map, see the directions, consult somebody or look for assistance.

    After that start your journey towards the ways to be successful with full self-confidence.

    I mean do so without the tiniest doubt of being derailed.

    Their tracks are entirely different from each other leading to various destinations; the location of success and the location of failure.

    Either one can learn the best ways to be successful or take an incorrect track doom and gloom, but the best secret to achieve success is to keep oneself on the ideal path.

    A very sharp, clear and bright picture of where you are heading is great motivation for an enthusiastic individual to remain vigilant and keep himself focused on the right path versus all odds and obstacles.

    It's true that absolutely nothing can be achieved without effort, however, effort alone can not guarantee you to achieve success.

    The world is full of poorly paid unskilled workers who are working hard, but not getting enough benefit.

    Striving without planning is similar to taking an elevator from the middle of a multi-story structure without knowing which floor you really need to get off at.

    It can take you to the leading floor or ground you in the basement.

    The majority of people are not able to set goals and goals simply due to the fact that they have no future vision, no huge dreams and no specific success strategies.

    These poor, miserable people have no choice, but to follow the crowd aimlessly.

    The unfortunate part of the story is that the crowd is growing larger day-by-hopeless-day without having anyone to lead them to the ideal path to achieve success.

    Enjoying the Success Process

    Previously I discussed how many were having fun, for example, trading penny stocks and that as a hobby were finding success.

    When we can put some enjoyment into what we're chasing after being successful seems to be a result.

    Due to the fact that many can not commit themselves fully to the job they are appointed to, these directionless people are lost and don't know for sure what they want.

    No surprise, these people are frequently fired by their companies, remain mostly unemployed, survive on social welfare and other public assistance and charities, broke in the end and ultimately buried under heavy debt.

    One must distinguish between right-minded and wrong-minded ; either achieve success or settle for failure.

    The Course in Miracles states, "You are the mirror of truth, in which God Himself shines in perfect light. To the ego's dark glass you say but need, 'I will not look there because I know these images are not true'."

    Bringing Passion and Purpose to the Scene

    Because we are not allowing the light of our passion and purpose to be in charge, far too often we as humans are filled with uncertainty of the dark.

    You just need to keep inspired and keep on moving to the destination you set for yourself when you are on the path of certainty.

    The desperate and dark travels through life many take are entirely different from each other leading to different destinations; to achieve success or the destination of mediocrity.

    Either one can be on the ideal track to achieve success, or on the path where wealth creation is never accepted into the mind.

    The millionaire secrets will help to keep you OFF the wrong-minded track, where you can never find ways to be successful in life, no matter how much effort one puts in.

    Effort needs to be invested in keeping yourself inspired and continually reprogramming the subconscious when you are on the right-minded track with a millionaire mindset.

    (I like to suggest searching the net for more helpful material on, answering what makes someone successful, wealth creation, and uncovering the secret for financial freedom now.)

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

    Views: 0

  • The Easiest and Hardest Part of Phone Sales

    The Easiest and Hardest Part of Phone Sales

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    The Ask. Yes … both the easiest and hardest part of the phone sale. Quite an interesting enigma, right? Yes again, but let's unpack this further. Phone selling is both an art and science and it follows a logical path (maybe a little nonlinear at times, but nonetheless there's an end goal). Depending on the solution you're offering to the prospect, there's usually a lead up to the Ask.

    Present the Purpose of the Call Clearly and Directly
    For starters, remember to accomplish (when and if possible) the goal of making the call. This can be to set up an appointment, to introduce yourself, your business, and product and / or service, or to speak with the Decision Maker. By stating the purpose of the call (and thus moving toward the goal of the call), you minimize wasting time with uninterested and unqualified prospects and you maximize your ability to make more calls, reach more people, and close more sales. Here's some great advice: it often helps (actually, the value of having this is more than I can put into words) to have a script available during the call just in case you get off track. Scripts aid you in staying focused and moving the call forward.

    Listen Prior to Making the Ask
    Unless you're a telemarketer and are intent on blasting your prospects with a "canned" message regardless of their responses, then by all means, spray on. OK, kidding aside, prior to making the Ask , listen … listen … listen. Here's the key in listening when conducting a sales call: don't, I repeat, don't answer the prospect in your head while they are talking. Don't do it. Here's why: you'll learn that by keeping your mind still and clear without interrupting the prospect in your head or verbally, you'll have given the prospect something that will often be reciprocated to you in full measure: "uninterrupted time for response" . Sounds weird … yes, but does it work? oh yes. I learned this technique from Stephen Schiffmann and it really works.

    Remember, plan the call (set a goal and use a script), initiate contact, state the purpose of your call directly and clearly, and listen. After listening both consciously and subconsciously, if and when appropriate, make the Ask .

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    Source by Pierre Pinkerton

    Views: 0