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  • 7 Qualities of a Good Wife – Part I

    7 Qualities of a Good Wife – Part I

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    Whether you’re a man looking for a good wife or a wife wanting to improve yourself, your marriage or your relationship – take a look at these 7 qualities of a good wife. Good fruit will come from these basic qualities anyone can develop.

    7) Nag free. Ladies, a good wife is going to be nag free. Nagging is an ineffective method of trying to get your husband to perform a task you desire. Trust me ladies – it doesn’t work and often will have the opposite of its intended affect.

    6) Supportive. Are you supportive? What does it mean to be supportive? Do you belittle your man or do you help him to feel good about himself, his job, activities? Your husband will be much more respectful of you if you support him. Even when you don’t agree with him – respectfully let him know you don’t agree – then support him anyway. Otherwise, if he has difficulties – he’ll feel as though you’re adding to his troubles.

    5) Build up your man. Ladies, there’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him – especially in front of others. On the flip side – try genuinely complementing your husband in front of other people. Your husband will glow with admiration toward you and you’ll feel his appreciation as love.

    4) Keep him happy in the bedroom. Unfortunately, many women underestimate the importance of keeping her man’s needs met. Often this comes from the basic differences in women and men. For men, sexual desire is much like physical hunger and if it’s not fed properly – the relationship will struggle. Women must look to understand the needs of the man from his perspective not hers.

    3) Respect. A good wife will try to treat her man with respect. How? Much of learning how to be respectful toward your husband has to do with the way you talk to him. The old phrase “It’s not so much what you say but how you say it” should become a wife’s motto. This doesn’t mean you need to be careful what you say to your husband – just be respectful in the way you say it.

    2) Communicate. Ironically, good communication between men and women can be quite frustrating. However, a good wife will seek to discover what’s on her mind and find a way to express herself to her husband. Often, men and women will make a joint decision – while the man thinks she’s in agreement with him – but only to discover later that she thought the decision was a bad idea.

    1) Be pleasant. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who makes everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Good things will come from being pleasant. It’s a decision – just decide to be pleasant. But if you can’t be pleasant – make a decision not to bring him down with you.

    Marriage & Love Blog

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    Source by Edward Welch

    Views: 0

  • Guilt Is a Useless Emotion

    Guilt Is a Useless Emotion

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    I once read a poem in my doctor’s office that went something like this:

    If a child is raised in anger, he will feel anger.

    If a child is raised with guilt, he will feel guilty.

    If a child is raised with shame, he will feel shame.

    If a child is raised in love, he will feel love.

    Of course that is not the whole poem, but you get the point. At the time, the poem was just something to read while I waited. Today the meaning is very clear to me.

    There is no such thing as guilt, you can not go to the store and buy a pound or bag of guilt. It is a man made ego minded emotion this is detrimental to humans living to their full potential.

    It seems to me that women carry so much guilt, whether it stems from being a woman, or the way we raised our children, or for being/or wanting to be successful, to being a sexual human. Where did it all start? Why have we continued to pass this down to each new generations? Mostly we do it subconsciously, although I know there are times when it is used for our advantage in certain situations.

    Many moons ago the female Goddess energy was the ruler of the universe, it was honored and valued. Did guilt arise when we stopped tuning into that energy and were slowly overpowered by the male energy that has dominated the universe for so long? Was it because we stopped standing our ground and speaking our truth? Who knows were guilt originated. I am not saying it is a female only emotion, nor pointing fingers, my point is for this particular article only.

    Guilt has kept so many stuck in the same place for years. Why? Just like the poem says, it is passed down through the stories we were told by our parents, grand parents, teachers and role models. These stories were laced with limiting beliefs that blocked us from actually achieving our full potential in life. This useless emotion became a vicious circle that many are still trying to step out of, or don’t even realize they are in.

    You get a great idea that will make you lots of money. Then the guilt thinking comes in, you start to hear the old stories, you can’t make more money than your husband, men are supposed to support the family. You may even see pictures of the people telling the story. OR, even worse, you want to express your sexuality, or your sexual energy and you hear that voice saying “good girls don’t” Well guess what, good girls do, and they have been for years. Even those catholic girls in high school that swore they didn’t. They do. We are human, we don’t need to feel guilty about anything. Especially expressing our true selves.

    Everyone makes mistakes in life, everyone, but we don’t have to feel guilty about it and carry it with us the rest of our lives. It is time to free ourselves of the past, to free ourselves of the guilt. It is time to forgive ourselves for allowing this to control any part of our lives.

    Guilt is an emotion that comes from fear based thinking. If we take a really good look at why we feel guilty for any particular situation, we will probably find that the thought process is not even our own. It was something passed down to us from someone else. And to think that is ruling our days!!

    Fortunately there is good news. The choice is ours as to whether we are going to carry the guilt or let it go. Give a moment to think how you would feel if you decided right this moment to let go of it. How would it feel to have put it out with the garbage on Monday morning? How does it feel? Light? Airy? Expansive? Free? Now ask yourself this. How often do you put the garbage out at the road, and then walk out and bring it back into the house? Never, Right? The same needs to happen when letting go of guilt, once you put it out, leave it out. In fact don’t even go back to smell it.

    How can we release guilt? Here are a few steps, these require you to love yourself enough to give yourself permission to feel good.

    1. Write out what you feel guilty about and why. Take one situation at a time. Write adamantly, don’t hold back on anything, just let it all go, allow the emotions to flow. Once you are done, set it down for a few moments, then go back and write a little more. Don’t read it over, tear it up, or burn it. As you do repeat ” I now choose to let this go, it no longer affects my life.”

    2. Sit with a situation in mind. Allow yourself to feel how you feel about it, visualize it, hear the stories other people told you about the situation. Feel where you feel this in your body. Ask yourself if the guilt is yours or someone else’s? When you have sat with it as long as you can, allow yourself to let it go. Visualize it leaving your body, feel it leaving your body and say I choose to let this go. I no longer need this in my life. I let it go in exchange for peace.

    3. Change the story you are telling yourself. When you catch yourself telling the guilt story either to yourself or someone else, catch it, don’t judge it, just change it to something possible, with positive emotions. Be aware of the thoughts and stories you tell, after all we get to choose them, they might as well be positive.

    4. Train your mind to look for thing to be grateful for. You will always find what you are look for, again it might as well be positive.

    In doing these exercises you will release the emotional charge the thoughts and feelings have on you. The memories may come back from time to time, but the emotions will not take hold of you, they will not control you. Quilt really is a useless emotion, with a choice attached. I choose to let it go so I can soar through the rest of my life free as a bird. Free yourself.

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    Source by Jenn Prothero

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  • 5 Changes You Can Make Now to Improve Penis Health and Function

    5 Changes You Can Make Now to Improve Penis Health and Function

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    A healthy member means a healthy sex life, and that means taking the right steps to improve penis health. Fortunately, the most effective steps are (quite literally) in your hands, and making these five changes can benefit not only your manhood, but your overall physical and mental health.

    1) Exercise. Everything is connected to heart, lung and blood vessel health, so keeping these in order is one of the most important things you can do for your health and your penis. Whether you are up for a round of golf, a little light gardening, or a triathlon, any increase in exercise will definitely pay off. Remember to consult your doctor before beginning a regular exercise program, but hurry and make that appointment, because many men find that they have better, long-lasting erections when they exercise regularly.

    2) Eat clean. When looking to improve penis health, start at the kitchen. As you begin to exercise more, your body will demand nutrient-packed food. Eat lots of dark, leafy green vegetables and fruits to keep trim and in shape. Fatty, processed foods can cause damage to blood vessels, which in turn reduces the flow of blood into the penis. Keep those vessels clean and clear by reducing fatty food, salt and sugar intake. Aside from the physical benefits of weight loss, men may feel more confident, more energetic and less depressed.

    3) Treat mind as well as body.Men suffering from depression, anxiety and stress can experience erectile dysfunction issues. Problems in the bedroom can make for a rocky relationships, as well as affecting self-esteem, which in turn can increase your levels of stress and have long-lasting effects on your life. If you’re feeling blue, low, or are experiencing any of the following symptoms: anxiety, apathy, loss of appetite, excessive hunger, irritability, social isolation or unusual weight gain or loss, reach out to a medical professional for treatment options..

    4) Put out the butts. If you don’t smoke, fantastic. If you do smoke, quit now. Men who smoke are more likely to develop erectile dysfunction and other penile problems than men who don’t light up. Men who have smoked heavily and for a long time may have issues with the blood flow traveling to the penis. Smoking leads to narrowing of the arteries, which means it can obstruct the flow of blood to the penis, creating erectile issues. Put down the cigarette, if only for your penis.

    5) See the doctor.In addition to making changes to your diet and exercise routine, make sure to get to the doctor for your annual check-up and do a testicular cancer check on yourself once a month to keep your boys healthy. Quick guide: Take a warm bath or shower and gently examine each reproductive organ with your fingers by placing your index and middle fingers underneath and your thumb directly on top of one of your testicles. Gently roll the testicles around in your fingers, feeling for any irregular sized bumps or lumps within the sack.If you feel anything irregular, seek medical treatment.

    For every day care of the penis, after correctly washing the genital area, dry and moisturize your skin with a product made specifically for male tissue, like a penis health crème(health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which has been clinically proven safe and mild for skin). This particular health crème is a super weapon, containing vitamins and nutrients essential to the wellbeing of private area skin, like vitamin C, for collagen production, and Shea butter, which hydrates the skin leaving the area soft and smooth. Keep the penis skin clean, dry, and hydrated for optimal health.

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    Source by John Dugan

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  • Penis Protection and Oral Sex

    Penis Protection and Oral Sex

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    Conduct a poll among men of their favorite kinds of sex, and oral sex would be right up there near the top. Indeed, for some men, oral sex is their number one choice. Its pleasures and appeal are obvious, but for those in non-monogamous relationships, the penis protection issue always arises when discussing forms of sex. There is debate over how much concern there should be about penis health when oral sex comes into play. So, should a guy take any steps in terms of penis protection where oral sex is concerned?

    Risks

    As with penetrative sex, oral sex does carry some risk of passing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) from one partner to the next. For example, if a man’s penis is orally pleased by someone who has an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea in the throat, there is a significant risk that the STI will be passed on to that man’s penis. Similarly, if a man is orally servicing the penis of a man with an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea on the penis, that STI can be passed onto the man’s throat. In the latter case, the chances of a man contracting the STI are increased further if he has issues such as bleeding gums or gum disease.

    What about HIV? The risk of transmission is much, much lower through oral sex than through anal or vaginal sex; there are few reported cases, and some researchers suspect that some cases attributed to oral sex may actually have originated through anal sex. However, the official consensus is that while the risk of HIV transmission through oral sex is very low, it is still possible. It is further thought that the risk is even lower if there is no swallowing of ejaculate. As with other STIs, the risk of transmission is thought to increase if the person servicing the penis has poor dental hygiene, such as bleeding gums or gum disease.

    Penis protection

    Doctors recommend that condoms be used to decrease further the risk of transmission of STIs and HIV. However, in practice, it is thought that few men follow this recommendation. If such is the case, and if a man is sexually active outside of a mutually monogamous relationship, there are several things he can do to provide better penis protection. These include:

    – Limiting the number of sexual partners with whom he is active. The greater the number of partners, the higher the risk of transmission.

    – Partnering with others who limit their number of partners. Similarly, if the individuals a man partners with also limit their number of partners, the penis is better protected.

    – Getting tested regularly. Sexually active men in non-monogamous relationships are encouraged to be tested for STIs and HIV on a regular basis; every three months is the general recommendation. This enables STIs to be caught early on so that treatment can begin. It is also advised that a man choose sex partners who are similarly tested on a regular basis. (Remember, in many instances, it is possible to have an STI and exhibit no symptoms; therefore, regular testing is the best bet for an early diagnosis.)

    In general, oral sex is much safer than other forms of sex, and is especially so when a condom is employed. But it is not without risks by any means.

    Penis protection goes beyond covering one’s bases where oral sex is concerned and includes daily steps to maintain overall penis health. One of the most important steps in that area is to regularly apply a superior penis health creme (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin). For the best results, find a cream that features a wide range of healthy vitamins, including A, B5, C, D, and E. Ideally, such a cream will also include L-carnitine, a neuroprotective ingredient that is helpful in maintaining penis sensitivity, especially when a penis regularly undergoes rough handling.

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    Source by John Dugan

    Views: 0

  • Study Links Drug Use to High Rates of Syphilis

    Study Links Drug Use to High Rates of Syphilis

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    A connection between drug use and high syphilis rates in the United States was established by a recent report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Sarah Kidd, lead author of the report, pointed out that two major health issues, namely addiction and syphilis, seemed to be colliding with each other.

    The report displayed a connection between drug use and instances of syphilis in heterosexual men and women. As per the report, the usage of heroin, methamphetamine, and other injection drugs by the aforementioned group almost doubled from 2013 to 2017.

    The report however, did not display a similar increase in drug abuse in gay men suffering from syphilis. According to the researchers, the results of the study indicated that risky sexual behaviors associated with drug abuse may be one of the key driving factors for this increase in syphilis among the heterosexual population.

    People using drugs more likely to engage in unsafe sexual activities

    According to experts, people abusing drugs are more likely to engage in unsafe sexual activities, thereby making them more susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Syphilis significantly increased among heterosexuals especially during the ‘crack cocaine epidemic’ prevalent during the 1980s and 1990s. It was observed that during this particular time period, the usage of drugs was connected with the higher transmission rates of syphilis.

    According to Patricia Kissinger, professor epidemiology at the Tulane University School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine, it is common tendency among people abusing drugs to indulge in unprotected sex, exchange sex in lieu of money or drugs, and have multiple sex partners. All these are considered as significant risk factors contributing to the spread of the disease.

    Syphilis rates are setting new records

    At the national level, the occurrences of syphilis jumped by around 73 percent at an overall level and 156 percent in case of women patients between 2013 and 2017. While syphilis had been almost eradicated, of late, the highest resurgence of the disease was reported in California, Louisiana, and Nevada. Syphilis can be treated with antibiotics, but if left untreated, it can cause organ damage and even death in some cases. In women, congenital syphilis typically occurs when a mother transmits the disease to her unborn baby, leading to cases of premature birth and newborn fatalities.

    Analyzing the syphilis cases that occurred between 2013 and 2017, the researchers discovered that methamphetamine abuse was the biggest contributor. The report revealed that more than one-third of women and a quarter of heterosexual men suffering from syphilis were reported to be abusing methamphetamine within the last year. The California Department of Public Health reported that methamphetamine use by people suffering from syphilis, doubled in case of heterosexual men and women between 2013 and 2017.

    Why is it difficult to treat sexually transmitted infections?

    Owing to the overlapping instances of substance abuse and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), it becomes challenging to identify and treat people suffering from syphilis. That is because, typically, people using drugs are less likely to visit a doctor or report their sexual activities or partners.

    Likewise, pregnant women may refrain from seeking prenatal care and get themselves tested for syphilis owing to concerns such as their gynecologists reporting their drug abuse. To combat this issue, the CDC urges to bring about more collaboration between programs treating substance abuse and programs addressing STIs.

    Fresno County reported highest rate of congenital syphilis

    According to the report, the highest rate of congenital syphilis was reported in Fresno County in California. The county’s community health division manager, Joe Prado, said that the California Health Department analyzed around 25 congenital syphilis cases in 2017 and more than two-thirds of these women were abusing drugs.

    To address this issue, the country took proactive measures such as offering STD testing for patients getting admitted into inpatient drug treatment centers. Patients coming back for reports were provided incentives including gift cards. Apart from this, for patients undergoing drug treatment, the county offered a care package comprising of contraceptives and education materials about STIs.

    Challenges faced

    While it is significant to have an increased collaboration between STD clinics and drug treatment providers, it is not always that simple, since these two entities have not worked together previously. Usually both these units tend to focus only on their relevant specialties and often fail to screen people for associated ailments like syphilis or other forms of STIs or for drug abuse.

    According to Jeffrey Kalusner, professor of medicine and public health at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), in order to fight the rising rates of syphilis more resources are needed. He added that though policies can be implemented towards syphilis testing, these policies need to be accompanied with appropriate resources.

    Seeking treatment for drug abuse

    Drug abuse is often associated with the development of physical ailments like hepatitis C, human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), syphilis and other STDs. These infections can be severe and result in rapid deterioration of overall health. The best way to avoid the contraction of these diseases is to avoid taking drugs or if addicted, to seek addiction treatment help at the earliest.

    The drug rehab centers of Hillside Mission offer comprehensive evidence-based treatment plans for substance abuse. Whether selecting an inpatient, outpatient, or a residential plan, the detox process at Hillside Mission is designed to minimize the patient’s discomfort and result in a shorter treatment cycle.

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    Source by Susan Navarez

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  • Why Online Doctor Consultation Is the New ‘In’ Thing in Healthcare

    Why Online Doctor Consultation Is the New ‘In’ Thing in Healthcare

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    The human body with all its capabilities, is a fragile thing. It is prone to diseases and the ravages of time. Man had to start experimenting with ways to beat back these factors and hence, medicine started evolving with the first stones of civilization.

    History has revealed records of medical illnesses and ways to treat them, which dates back to thousands of years ago. With the passage of time, medicinal advance has grown in leaps and bounds. Medicine was treated as an art in the early ages and was heavily tinged with shades of religion and philosophy in certain cultures. Medicine men were considered as spiritual healers who would chant prayers while applying concoctions of herbs on patients to rid them of maladies. Roman and Greek physicians came up with a meticulous system of treatment according to four bodily fluids known as humors. The excess or deficiency of humors would bring with it diseases. In India, Ayurveda was used to treat people as far back as 1500 BC with in-depth knowledge of the human anatomy as well as surgical procedures.

    In modern times, medicine is still considered an art, such as the skill required in complex procedures which can only come with practice. However, today medicine walks hand in glove with science instead of religion. Once man had technology in his grasp, medicine has grown exponentially. There’s no need to cut a body open to examine its insides, we have machines for scans which reveal the innermost workings of the human body, which was earlier shrouded in mystery. Machines perform complex operations with exact measurements in tiny spaces on delicate tissues in the body. We’re still developing systems to save lives and keep diseases at bay with more convenience and it has brought us today to the future of online doctor consultation.

    Online doctor consultation can have profound effects on the medical landscape. Will it be possible to receive a diagnosis without physically consulting a doctor using online reports? Will healthcare lose its personal touch as gadgets step in instead of caring hands? Is online doctor consultation the revolutionary healthcare method we need, to go with our fast paced lifestyles?

    How’s it going to help you? Here are some pros and cons you can mentally weigh before you go in for tete-a-tete with a doctor online.

    Cost-Effective

    For those who need a second opinion or a follow-up consultation with a doctor, it isn’t economically viable to go in for a visit and pay the full amount. Since time slots and its corresponding fees are fixed, they normally tend to be lower than the fees of a walk-in appointment. Follow up queries are easily solvable over text.

    Medical help is expensive and without medical insurance, people have to bear the full brunt of long bills. Online doctor consultation is a cheaper alternative for those without medical insurance to get the help they need.

    No location or time restrictions

    Need to get that mysterious back pain checked out but your 9 to 7 job won’t allow it? Simply pick up your phone and ask for a doctor. You can text your concerns to your doctor in the comfort of your home, in your car or even at your desk in office.

    Most jobs don’t allow for a lot of time on hand. If you’re one of the lucky ones with a two day weekend, you’ll find that a lot of doctors aren’t available on weekends. With online consultations you can talk to a doctor around the clock whenever you can spare a few minutes.

    Even if we do manage to get ourselves to a clinic, we’re always scared we’ll end up catching an infection from that sniffling guy sneezing violently beside us. Straining to not breathe in any germs and all that nerve-wracking waiting actually adds to mental stress which may aggravate any illness we might have. It definitely helps to sit in the comfort of your home and calmly put forward any concerns you may have.

    Breaching distances

    The distance from your home to a healthcare center is often one of the biggest challenges that you have to face. Some are ill equipped to travel long distances to a healthcare center, some have homes removed from any healthcare providers in the vicinity but might need urgent answers to problems they are experiencing. If you’re lucky enough to own a car you have to account for the expenditure on petrol, waiting in mind-numbing traffic and stressing about getting a parking spot. For those who don’t own a car, waiting for public transport is another issue they need to deal with before they can get the care they need.

    Online medical consultation can give you answers to health questions even as you sit on your couch in your pajamas. Responses are almost instant which are good for those who need urgent answers. Rural areas where medical resources are scarce will especially benefit from online consultation. Those in rural areas in developing countries have to travel to cities to get adequate healthcare. Online consultation will prove helpful in such cases, as they can receive advice from specialists as well.

    Avoiding Self-Diagnosis

    The first thing we do when we start sporting a mysterious pain in our bodies is googling the symptoms. Like many before us, the results most often than not come up all boding fatal diseases which freak us out. With countless health tips and articles online, people end up following things they’ve read off the net which more often than not are written by people with no expertise. This can prove dangerous as self-medication can go horribly wrong. Online doctor consultation enables us to put forth these queries to verified medical experts who can give you prudent advice on what to do and what not to do.

    Using e-prescriptions

    Nowadays doctors can send e-prescriptions to pharmacies and you can go directly to the pharmacy to pick up your medicines. This is especially useful for people who are on treatment plans which need refills every now and then. Your doctor can send a prescription remotely without you having to physically go and pick up a prescription for refills. This makes life easier for those who are on asthma medication or need birth control pills.

    The system of e-prescriptions encourages interactions between pharmacists and doctors. With physical prescriptions, doctors are usually unaware about whether their patients are getting the prescribed medicines or store-recommended alternatives in case the prescribed medicines are unavailable. The alternatives might not suit a patient. In many cases, doctors using the e-prescription system can see whether the patient can afford the prescribed medicines or suggest cheaper alternatives.

    Security and privacy

    A lot of people with problems they deem embarrassing hesitate in going to medical practitioners and getting the help they need. In such cases, they can be guided through online consultation. They can avoid a face to face conversation and open up about their problems to doctors, knowing that their privacy is intact.

    A common question which arises frequently with regards to online consultation is whether confidential information of both doctors and patients is safe. Most online services comply with HIPAA or Health Accountability and Portability Act which ensures that health information is protected in terms of privacy and security, digital or otherwise. Most countries have health laws in place which safeguard the privacy of health information provided to medical practitioners. Other than that, healthtech platforms normally have security systems and servers to make sure that your information is not preyed upon.

    Knowing your body better

    In some cases a doctor might ask you to examine your body symptoms to afford more clarity as to what the problem might be. As such, you will learn how to probe that suspicious looking lump or examine your swollen sinuses. You’ll be able to assess better as to what kind of help you need in case such problems crop up again. Though it’s always better to have a doctor examine you personally; in the absence of such means you’ll be able to have access to some guidance with regards to worrying symptoms.

    While it’s definitely recommended that any medical issues be checked out personally by doctors as that will yield a more accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Minor issues can be a warning sign for something serious which need careful, physical examination. However, for health issues that are not very urgent, online doctor consultation can cut out many hassles involved in getting adequate care. Most of the doctors online are verified experts who have their practice offline but also operate online.

    So, when in doubt just pick up your phone, help is a few taps away.

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    Source by John Benett

    Views: 0

  • It Appears That My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me After His Affair

    It Appears That My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me After His Affair

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are devastated not only by their husband’s cheating or affair, but also by the loss of intimacy and physical contact. For whatever reason, sex has been taken off the table. So at a time when a wife is already hurt and confused, she’s now struggling with the fact that she can’t have the reassurance of being intimate. This leaves her wondering whether her husband is still attracted to her sexually and whether or not her marriage will be able to recover.

    She might say, “my husband had an affair about two months ago. At first, I would not even speak to him. Eventually, I allowed him to come and see the kids, and little by little, we began talking again. I can tell that he feels very guilty and embarrassed. He goes out of his way to be accommodating and kind to me. He has told me that although he’d like to stay married and that he would never cheat on me again, he can’t ask me to stay with him because he doesn’t know if he could stay with me if I cheated. He is basically saying that he wouldn’t blame me if I refused to take him back. I’ve told him that I’m going to take my time in making a decision. But up until this week, I truly was considering it. However, last weekend, the kids and I watched a movie with my husband and they fell asleep. My husband and I ended up talking and laughing. One thing lead to another and before long we were kissing. When things were about to get intimate, my husband pulled away and said ‘I just can’t have sex with you right now.’ I was stunned, so I asked, ‘you can’t or you won’t?’ He got up and said ‘I just can’t. I’m sorry.’ I have no idea what to make of this. I have tried to ask him about this, but he always changes the subject. Is he not attracted to me? Can he not physically complete the task because of the affair? I want to save my marriage, but I also want to have a healthy sex life again one day. Why would a man not be able to have sex with his wife after the affair?”

    I can’t speak for your husband, but I’d suspect that it wasn’t that he couldn’t have sex with you. I suspect that he could have completed the task if he had felt right about it. However, many men have quite a bit of guilt and shame after the affair. So they know that having sex again might create a good deal of awkwardness and negative feelings. On the one hand, they may very much want to have sex with you. But they are ashamed of this desire since they feel that they don’t have any right to ask this of you. Plus, they know that when you disrobe and begin to have sex, you might both be caught up in thoughts of him having sex with someone else, since that wound is so fresh. The thought of this might terrify him. And he might figure that it’s better to just wait to have sex than to try it now and have it be a disaster. Also, he may not want for it to look like he’s only interested in sex with you when he doesn’t really deserve it.

    I know that this is painful and may feel like a rejection, but let’s look at the facts. Your husband and yourself were having a nice, light-hearted time laughing together. He was clearly into it when he was kissing you. And then something changed. Since he’s told you that he’d like to save your marriage, I highly doubt that he’s not attracted to you. In fact, I’m sure it was tempting to have sex. However, he was probably trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing or awkward encounter. And perhaps he didn’t want for you to feel taken advantage of in the morning or he did not want for you to feel guilty.

    Many couples delay sex after an affair for a couple of different reasons. They want to make sure that it is the right time. They do not want to rush into it and potentially make bigger problems than they already had. Many know that if the sex was awkward and just not good then they would take that to mean that their marriage was doomed. So they wait until they are sure that it will be right, because they know that they are going to analyze it.

    Your husband could have the same thought process. He may want to wait until you’re both sure that it’s the right time. He may not want to look like the creep who is pressuring his wife to have sex after his affair. And he probably knows that you might both have thoughts of the affair during sex. All these reasons are why it can truly make sense to wait.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Wisdom For Living-Consider The Poor

    Wisdom For Living-Consider The Poor

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    Do you consider the poor? Is giving to the poor part of your budget? This is an important wisdom for living. It is a wisdom key which many believing Christians are neglecting to their own detriment. This post expounds on considering the poor as wisdom for living.

    Blessed is he who considers the poor; the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive, and he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed – Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV).

    The poor are important to God. While He waits for them to learn and overcome poverty, He also would want them to be well taken care of, because He cares for them. God will not come down in person to help the poor; He will need human beings to reach out to them. So, God is ready to bless anyone who will offer himself or herself as a channel of blessing to the poor.

    Whoever considers the poor does so on behalf of the Almighty God and lends to Him, and He will repay back. Imagine when God is repaying back what He will give! You give with your little hand and God repays with His big hand! Awesome investment! Give to the poor and you will never know lack in your life.

    Giving is living. Making giving your lifestyle is to live a purposeful life; putting smiles on the faces of many people and giving them a reason to live on is what life is all about. Among many other blessings that come your way, joy unspeakable and peace of mind become your portion. This cannot be quantified. Also, you tend to keep living even when you are gone.

    In Psalm 41:1-3, the Lord stated the things He was going to do for whoever considers the poor.

    These include:

    • Deliverance in time of trouble.
    • Preservation and long life.
    • Blessings, which includes financial blessing.
    • Protection from enemies.
    • Healing and health

    All the above will be yours if you will consider the poor as a lifestyle.

    As a believing Christian, giving to the poor whatever you can: money, time, energy, food and clothing, expresses the love of Christ to them and will endear Christ to them, convicting them to surrender totally to Him. Indeed, it is a perfect way to win souls for Christ.

    Truly, considering the poor is wisdom for living. It gives you the reason to live and continuously changes your level to higher places. It gives you what money can never purchase for you; it gets the living God to be for you, your defense, provider and keeper.

    Job was a man who considered the poor and every ear that heard him blessed him and every eye that saw him approved of him. These were because he delivered the poor who cried out, the fatherless and the one who had no helper. He was eye to the blind, feet to the lame and father to the poor; and God blessed him greatly and preserved all that belonged to him (Job 29:11-16, Job 1:10). This can also be your story.

    In conclusion, are you in a state that needs to be changed or do you desire to change your level to a higher one? Consider the poor around you, reach out to them and the Lord will reach out to you too. Let God use you to bless the poor and He will cause men to bless you too.

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    Source by Ngozi Nwoke

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  • Causes of Premarital Sex

    Causes of Premarital Sex

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    There is no behavior without reason. We need to examine reasons why Christian youths do fall into the sins of fornication.

    Please note that sexual relationship is divided into three, namely:

    (a) Premarital sex (fornication)

    (b) Pure (Holy or Legal) sex

    (c) Extra – marital Sex (Adultery)

    Premarital sex is what most youths engage in before marriage while extra-marital sex is what some married people indulges in, when they are not faithful to their partner. Pure, holy or legal sex is the only legitimate sex, it occurs between married couples. It is Holy and wonderful, God loves it and it brings purity. What we will be talking about here is premarital sex which the Bible calls fornication. It is not fun, it is not love-making but fornication. It is sin, I would have agreed if it is called lust making.

    CAUSES

    (1) Pressure: Pressure from parents, friends, peer group, lecturer, boss, future partners. Some men do mount pressure physically on their partners while some ladies mount pressure on their partners by dressing carelessly exposing their nakedness to seduce men. Some male bosses in places of work do mount pressure on their female workers, they want girls that can work for them and still satisfy them sexually.

    (2) Curiosity: Many youths have engaged themselves in premarital sex as a result of curiosity. They thought they were searching for reality, but they ended up destroying themselves. They are not satisfied with what their parents, pastors and christian friends told them concerning sex, they want to experience it themselves.

    (3) Electronic media: Television, film, radio and video has contributed to the high rate of premarital sex. What youths watch on screen determine their behaviour and character. Every product advertised on T.V. is just promoting sex. In fact, to advertise food items they use sex, film, television and radio promotes premarital sex. Most home videos are sex promoters.

    (4) Books and Magazines: Some satanic authors are in town destroying the youths, they write some sexual stories, books and magazines, they bring out many pictures that stimulate the youth to think about sex always. Having read all these books, youths do become restless until they have put into practice what they learned in the books and magazines.

    (5) Environmental influence: We live in a corrupt society where people do not see anything bad in ungodliness they do not see premarital sex as sin; they see it as a normal thing. Hence, girls are encouraged to dress exposing their bodies. Premarital sex has become the norm of the society. Some Christian youths find it difficult to cope in this kind of environment; hence, they fall into this ungodly act.

    (6) Covetousness: Greed for money, wealth and position is another cause of premarital sex. Some ladies want money at all costs hence they are ready to use their bodies to get it by sleeping around with men.

    (7) Indiscipline: Lack of discipline has led many singles into the dungeon of premarital sex.

    (8) Wrong association: This has led many youth into destruction. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.

    (9) Ignorance: Lack of good sex education has led many youth into premarital sex, some went into it not knowing what they were doing.

    (10) Wrong information: Since parents have refused to educate their children on the subject and the church is not forth coming with anything meaningful, the youth have resorted to any information they can get from anywhere either wrong or right.

    (11) Bad parenting: Children that are not well brought up are likely to fall into wrong hands.

    (12) Idleness: An idle hand is the devil’s workshop. If you are idle, you may cuddle the devil.

    (13) Loneliness: Some claim they went into fornication due to loneliness.

    (14) Broken homes: Children from broken homes can fall into wrong hands due to the situation of their homes.

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    Source by Bisi Adewale

    Views: 0

  • Is He Marriage Material? Four Steps for Creating Your Custom Plan & Deciding If He's Worth Your Time

    Is He Marriage Material? Four Steps for Creating Your Custom Plan & Deciding If He's Worth Your Time

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    It's important that you know yourself, your goals, your needs and wants really well before you can find a great relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

    And the best way to determine if your current or future boyfriend is marriage material is to know yourself, create a checklist of what's right for you, and then test him to see if he fits.

    In this article, we'll break down what things you need to know about both yourself and him in order to even consider that next step!

    Step One: Know There Is a "Mr. Perfect for You" and That You Can Design Him

    Are you still waiting for HIM? You know who I mean:

    "Mr. Right". The perfect man that will satisfy all your dreams and make your life worth living?

    Yeah, that guy. Well, sorry to break it to you like this but …

    Prince Charming, riding on a white stallion, lost his way because men hate asking for directions.

    Or he found Princess Charming and got married to her on his way to your castle … or, you know, your apartment.

    And by the way, even Prince Charming wasn't flawless. I'm pretty sure he left dirty dishes in the sink and never made up the bed.

    Anyway, the point is that PERFECT isn't showing up anytime soon.

    Truth is … nobody is perfect. No man and no woman. Perfection doesn't exist in people. But don't feel bad if you have been looking for the perfect man.

    I did that for a long time, deathly afraid that if I didn't get him exactly right, I'd failed myself, my future kids, the planet, my Mama, and possibly God.

    I was wrong. Don't even look for perfect, because the concept of "perfect for YOU" exists instead. You can plan the guy that may not perfect in the world, but is perfect for and fits YOU well.

    The perfect-for-you man of your dreams is not hiding under your bed, though. That would be too easy. Can't have that.

    Nope, you are going to have to actively design and then look for him. But don't worry, the search can be fun if you want it to be, and the hardest part is done. You now know you won't find perfect, so the pressure is off!

    By the way, are you feeling the whole "not pretty enough" thing sometimes too? Wondering "why am I still single" even?

    I did too. However, I learned that although I may not completely fit my society's "standard of beauty", I did meet quite a few men's individual standard of beauty … or was at least close enough!

    And that's all you really need. So don't worry. "Mr. Close-Enough-To-Perfect-For-You" might be just around the corner … if you'll give him a chance!

    You can plan him. Don't do this by default.

    I've noticed that we sometimes find ourselves dating or even married by what I call "by default". That means we find a man, decide that he is the best we can do, and latch on without really analyzing him to determine if he's really right for us or our lives.

    Don't fall victim to default. This isn't the time for "get in where you fit in". You CAN plan him. When you do your research and work your strategy, you won't have to put up with the losers!

    You'll have a way to know whether he's marriage material … or not!

    Now that you know that there is no "Mr. Right" or perfect man, the pressure is off, and you can now have fun looking for what I call your "ideal male". You're also aware that dating by default isn't the best way to avoid the pain of being with a dud. And you understand you can take the bull by the horns and decide what you want your ideal guy to look like.

    Now it's time to dive into YOU, determine your dating deal breakers, and decide what kind of guy fits you best.

    Step Two: Get to Know YOU: Your Goals and Dreams, Needs and Wants, and Deal Breakers

    Did you see the first The Matrix ™ movie? Remember that scene where Neo goes to see the Oracle?

    He is trying to figure out if he's "the one" – a Messiah of sorts and the man Morpheus is searching for– and thinks the Oracle can help him decide what to do.

    Typical of a good mentor, the Oracle makes Neo find his own way. Before putting him out to find his own answers, she points out the plaque above her door that reads nosce te ipsum.

    Know thyself.

    You should know yourself really well before committing to someone else.

    Have you ever taken time to really think about what YOU want for your life? I don't mean what you THINK you want – which is usually what others want for you – or what society wants for you – don't get me started on that, but what YOU really, truly, want for yourself?

    Why? Well, understanding yourself is the most important thing you can do before getting deeply involved with another person.

    I'm not saying you'll do everything perfectly even if you see yourself clearly. Problems can still happen, and you will make mistakes.

    But if you pick a mate based on what you learn about yourself, you will have a much better shot at finding compatibility than if you have no idea who you are and just go into this blindly, hoping it will turn out okay.

    If you don't know yourself or your needs well, and hook up with someone before finding YOU first, you may end up realizing that the person you are with does not fit you or your life at all, or at least not enough for things to last very long. Relationship compatibility is CRUCIAL.

    Being badly matched could be disastrous, especially if you cement yourself to him by having a child or getting married.

    Know Your Goals and Dreams … and Stick With Them

    When I think about it, I'm so glad to have been born when I was. We've got so many options now that women in my mother's age range and older just didn't have. We now have the tools and the right to decide what we want in terms of a career, marriage, and family just as much as men do.

    However, despite having goals and dreams, we sometimes get so caught up in a relationship that our own lives take a backseat. We end up giving up our dreams for relationships and marriage, children and family.

    Now, if you have a family with a man that's right for you then maybe these sacrifices are worth it.

    However, they are never worth it with the wrong man, so always keep your goals in the front of your mind and don't let the wrong guy take them from you.

    So what are your goals and dreams?

    Think about the things you want to do with your life. Your goals can be in any category, including career, travel, health, spirituality … anything at all. It's up to you. But to get you started, I suggest you look at these areas.

    What do you want to be when you grow up?

    Do you have a specific career in mind? Is there any special education you want to achieve? Anywhere in particular you want to work? Maybe even start your own business?

    What about fun? Have you always wanted to travel? Where to? How long? Don't be modest; anything is possible!

    Do you have any specific body or health goals? Want to lose a bit of weight? Gain weight? Gain muscle? Run a marathon?

    Do you feel a lack in your spiritual life? Want to attend church more? Study other religions? Memorize a holy book or two? Become a Buddhist? None of the above? Don't forget this is about YOU.

    Do you want kids? No kids, but more dogs? A cat or two? A llama? Plan your own family goals!

    The point is that these are to be YOUR ambitions and no one else's. Let your imagination have some fun.

    Now that you've considered your goals, let's look at what you want and need in a relationship.

    Decide on Your Needs / Wants

    I hear some of you asking: "wants or needs … what's the difference?"

    Well, when I say needs, it's exactly that. Those are characteristics you can't really live without. Wants are nice, but not crucial. You can go on without them if necessary.

    I have several friends who are single and looking for a good man. A couple of these ladies wanted to buck the trend of just dating whoever came along.

    Instead they really studied themselves and then decided what type of man they want. They began to examine what type of guy complemented them and quickly discovered what they would and would not tolerate in a mate. I suggested they document their needs and wants to decide if the next guy would fit them.

    For example, one friend, Josie, decided her ideal guy would know how – and be willing to – cook some of the meals. He had to be thoughtful, emotionally available and like to talk things out after an argument instead of hiding out and pouting.

    She also realized she needed him to be on the same page as her spiritually, and that he would have to be an avid church attendee. He also should love and want children like she did.

    Clearly, getting involved with a man who had none (or barely any) of these characteristics would result in serious arguments and almost guaranteed problems in Josie's future.

    So she wrote her requirements on a checklist, and if potential dates didn't meet her minimum needs, she politely said thanks, but no thanks.

    By doing her work up front, Josie was able to avoid a lot of the painful frustrations of dating the wrong guy. She hasn't found the "right one" quite yet, but she's successfully avoided several really wrong ones.

    So what are your wants and needs pertaining to him?

    Like Josie, do you want him to be spiritual or religious? Look back at your goals list. Does it have any things on it that you want to do and he should match? For example, if your goal is to become a Buddhist, should he already be one, or be open to it?

    Should he want kids? Should he want pets? Do you already have a pet and / or or kids and the "children" have to sign off on him?

    Next, you will discover that some of your wants / needs will have nothing to do with your goals. They'll be all about his personality traits, which we'll cover in a bit.

    Be Aware of Your Deal Breakers

    Speaking of wants vs. needs … deal breakers – like needs- are crucial. These are the characteristics you must have – or avoid – for a relationship to work.

    A huge deal breaker that I have encountered in my work has been the differing desire for children. If that's you, just be upfront about it.

    If he wants kids and you don't, that's okay, but you two aren't compatible. If you want them and he doesn't, then it isn't going to work. Children just aren't something you can compromise on.

    Another deal breaker I recommend you consider is ANY type of abuse. Even if it seems "mild" or that he's "just playing", mistreatment is a red flag and it's better to be single than dead. Too many women have ignored the signs and ended up paying with their lives.

    Are there other deal breakers on your mind? Then put them on your list.

    Now That You've Listed Them, Look for Your Needs, Wants, Dreams and Deal Breakers in HIM

    If you're currently dating, does your current guy fit any of the items on your checklist so far?

    Remember to be honest about this. Be aware whether you see these attributes because you want to, or if they are really there.

    Be honest with yourself, put the emotion aside, and find out who he actually is. Time out for the fantasies and soap operas. This is serious. If he really doesn't fit – even if you really want him to – strike him from consideration. Doing so doesn't mean he isn't a good guy, he's just not the right one for you.

    Step Three: Look for Generally Good Traits in Him

    Remember I said earlier that you also needed to consider his personality traits too?

    Now it's time to look into whether he has good personality traits or whether he shows some relationship red flags you need to steer clear of.

    I'll mention my top three desirable traits just to get you started. It's up to you decide whether they are also on your list, or you can do without them. I know I've said this a lot, but your checklist is always yours and should reflect you, not me or anyone else.

    Trust

    Trust. I usually trust close family and friends, but are hesitant to extend it to strangers. It takes a while to gain my trust, and I suggest you do the same when dating.

    Have you ever heard the expression "measure twice, cut once?". I think it's mostly for carpenters and woodworkers who want to be sure before making a permanent move. You can always take off a little more, but you can't always put it back.

    Keeping that phrase in mind while dating wouldn't hurt. Why?

    We have to be careful. A poor choice in a mate can have huge consequences in a woman's life, so we definitely have to measure our men multiple times before committing. One of the ways you should evaluate a man is whether you trust him, so be sure to do that carefully.

    To determine whether you can trust your partner, here are a few tips:

    * Rely on yourself first. Do you normally make good decisions? Yes? Then trust that you will make the right call.

    * Depend on your head and your heart. Look for signs. Is he checking out other women when you're together? Does he hang around with trustworthy people or does he deal with shadies?

    * Pay attention to what he is telling you AND showing you and then use that information to help you make informed decisions. Talk is cheap. Watch what he DOES.

    * Remember that if you have decided that you are going to trust him, then follow through and trust him! Don't sit and worry at night, wondering what he's doing or if he's being unfaithful.?If you feel you have to do that, then a relationship with this guy just isn't worth the stress.

    Honesty

    Trust and honesty go hand in hand, so let's talk about it a bit. Find out if your partner is honest before getting too deeply involved with him.

    How do you know if your guy is honest?

    Take the initiative.

    You must be honest if you're expecting it from your partner. Don't hide things, mislead him, or tell little "white lies" that are so easy to rationalize: it's no big deal if I just hide this small detail, etc.

    I know an otherwise really sweet couple who seemed to build their relationship on white lies. I think they were trying to "spare each other" from bad stuff, but it ended up backfiring on them. They didn't outright lie to each other (at least in their minds), but those little lies formed cracks in their relationship that eventually caused it to collapse.

    Do your homework.

    Find out all you can about your partner.

    You don't have to be obsessed, but do your research within reasonable boundaries.

    I don't think it's necessary to get the cops involved here, but say if you were introduced by a mutual friend or family member, ask that person about your partner. Are they trustworthy? What are they like in private? Find out those types of things and you'll quickly get an idea of ​​their honesty.

    You'd ask for a referral and recommendations for anything else you're considering -from a plumber to a lawyer-why not get more information on a potential mate?

    Last, make sure he knows upfront that honesty is an expectation and you won't tolerate anything less.

    Have conversations about honesty. Make it clear that you are going to be honest and ask him to do the same. It's funny how many issues in relationships can be worked out through simple communication. Just talk.

    If you start your relationship on a good, honest foundation, your chances of success increase greatly over those who choose to be dishonest or shady. And if you inform him upfront that it's expected, here's his chance to leave if he can't handle it.

    As with anything else, there is risk involved. If trust is earned and then continues, awesome! But if it gets broken, don't beat yourself up and think you failed. You did everything you could.

    We all make mistakes, you're only human. Learn from it, move on, and eventually you'll get it right!

    Respect

    I try to follow "The Golden Rule". I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. I want to be respected, so I try my hardest to respect others. It ain't easy all of the time, but it's worth at least trying!

    If you have tried giving plenty of respect to your partner, but are not getting it in return, don't forget that you have the right to fix that problem. Don't just take his lack of respect lying down!

    Whether that means talking with him about the lack of respect and asking for changes, or deciding this is not worth your time, make sure you don't allow disrespect to continue too long.

    To figure out where you stand, ask yourself these questions:

    • Does he respect you? If he demeans, objectifies, or degrades you, you're better off leaving. As the investors say on Shark Tank ™: "I'm out".

    • Notice the way he treats you when you don't agree with him. Can you appreciate each other's different views without him getting pissed off?

    • Find opportunities to be around his closest friends or family. When with familiar people, he will show his true colors eventually. Is he respectful around them?

    • How does his family treat you? If they treat you as their equal, not an inferior, that's a good sign. Hopefully, he learned good things from them.

    You also need to be honest with yourself regarding how you view your partner. Do you really value him, too? If you find you don't, you need to rethink your relationship.

    Step Four: Tidy Up Your List

    This isn't the end, it's just the beginning. Your checklist is always growing and changing along with you, so don't hesitate to add or even delete items that no longer fit you.

    The point is that your plan reflect you at all times and if used, will allow you to choose a man who is right for you.

    Good luck!

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    Source by Nichole White

    Views: 0